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Mr & Mr Ackerman

Summary:

Levi should've known Eren learning how to bake would bite him in the ass. Ducking around the corner of the abandoned office building he was in, Levi grinned, calling out to Eren “You're not gonna win this fight love!”

Eren chuckled as he stalked closer to his husband's hiding spot, his tranquilizer gun out “Oh but baby I already won!” jumping from the corner Levi kicked the gun out of Eren's hand grabbing his arm and slamming the brunette to the wall cuffing him to the pipe. Leaning down to his neck Levi kissed the tattoo there with his initials then up to Eren’s ear feeling him squirm and buck “Maybe next time Mr Ackerman”. Chuckling the raven ran to the right down the stairs hearing his husband scream at him “THIS ISN'T OVER ACKERMAN!!”

Song Could I be by Sylvan Esso

Notes:

I've never seen the movie Mr and Mrs Smith so it probably doesn't totally match I just thought it was cute.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Levi laid on his stomach on the tarp he placed on the ground looking through his sniper rifle closing one eye to lock on target. Easing his finger on the trigger he waited for the wind to shift to the right at a vertical direction and the downtown traffic to start before pulling the trigger watching as it went through the Ceo's head that was a human trafficker. Seeing him fall and the panic seeing as Erwin wanted this to be witnessed. Levi packed up everything dismantling his weapon after wiping the whole thing down even if he wore black gloves Levi was careful. Placing it in his briefcase he quickly exited the roof he was on, walking down the stairs because this particular building was too cheap for cameras in the back stairwell. 

 

He made his way to the man's bathroom on the 2nd floor changing into his street clothes consisting of black jeans and a white v-neck covered by his graffiti jacket his feet quickly shoved into his timberland boots Levi laced up putting his beanie on and tracing his eyes with liner putting his face jewelry back in two barbell piercings in his left eyebrow a septum and his snake bites and you had the alias of a 23 year old college student working for his graphic arts degree leaving hotel fifth after shooting and killing ceo of the Garrison modeling company Nile Dok. 

 

Pulling out his burner phone with the information he deleted everything, taking out the SD card breaking it into pieces and dropping it into the street vents into the sewers of New York casually dropping the phone in the bag of an Amazon driver. 

 

As he walked down the busy street of time Square Levi pulled out his pack of cigarettes, taking one out and quickly lighting it smoking as he looked for somewhere to eat breakfast before his classes. It was only 6 am. Walking down seventh avenue he saw a small cozy looking bakery raising his eyebrow questioningly at the strange name ‘Titan's Bakery’ as he walked closer putting out his smoke he was in the mood for sweets killing did that to him. So Levi opened the large glass door breathing deeply at the warm smell of sugar. 

 

He walked to the large display finally getting where the name titan came from if the size of everything was anything to go by. “Jesus fuck these cakes are fucking big as shit you have to force out” 



“Well that's a new one never heard of my cakes I start at 2 am to make compared to shit. I sure hope it taste better” Levi's head snapped up at the soft voice it was definitely a male but his outfit was deceiving. Levi scanned the man in front of him in his high waisted pale pink wide leg pants with a pale green and purple striped shirt knotted together tied together with a large flower belt. The male's face had pink lipstick and freckles across his nose and cheeks with purple eyeshadow with three different colored hair flower barrettes in the short brown hair all in all Levi thought he was beautiful making his mouth go dry. “Um hi” and he ended with an awkward wave before shoving his hands deep in his jacket pocket as the man giggled at his awkward display waving back with a sweet smile that showed white teeth and two dimples ‘ I thought I was the killer because his smile has shot and killed my brain because I don't know what the fuck to fucking say!’  

 

Eren leaned closer to the raven haired male he had to look up at meaning he was pretty tall seeing as he was 5’ 7 himself the stranger had about 4 inches on him. He smiled at the stranger's flushed face that was as blank as a canvas colored red with no feelings behind the art. “May I help you today sir” Levi narrowed his eyes he wasn't that damn old “I'm not a fucking sir brat” Eren blinked his eyes fluttering his long cinnamon lashes at the aggressive words to protocol and plain manners but shrugged not taking offense. He hadn't liked being called sir too, especially when he was feeling more feminine not that his gender changed but his moods for how he wanted to present himself did. It was weird but it worked for him so Eren went with what made him happy. He didn't want to be called ma'am but he definitely didn't like being called a sir “Okay how may I help you..” Eren left off giving the, what he assumes is a man chose to answer with his name.  

 

Levi grunted as he looked away from the big green eyes to the display case looking at the assortment of what he assumes is German desserts having lived there for two months on an assignment. “Levi brat and what's good” Eren huffed as he pouted ignoring how rude Levi was being in favor of explaining his desserts to him “Well what do you like to eat?” Levi hummed he was in the mood for something nutty with cream. “Nuts” Eren laughed out loud by accident at the raven man's blunt way of saying something someone could find to be a sexual term. Levi growled even if the brat had a nice laugh he wasn't in the business of being laughed at “What’s so fucking funny you shitty fucking little brat” Eren snickered behind his hand at the hostility feeling Levi was being truly himself. Clearing his throat he smiled again “sorry Levi if I had to recommend any nuts for you it would be the bee sting cake made with soft and airy French brioche bread, filled with creamy vanilla pastry cream, and topped with crunchy honey-glazed almonds. How does that sound” Levi's stomach growled loudly at the sound of the cake fuck he was hungry. “Yeah that's fine I'll take two slices” Levi stopped to look back at the menu board and saw a hot tea selection “and um shit I'll take the spiced tea without sugar in a large all to-go” 

 

Eren arched his brow at his words seeing a pattern with Levi's mouth and choice of words. Nodding, he went to wash his hands and pull on a fresh pair of gloves to pull the cake out of the display to sit on the counter grabbing his cake knife. The cake was already cut into so Eren placed the knife in a slice looking up to Levi to ask what size “Um what size Levi I usually go big but no one actually orders two slices at once so I don't want to upset your stomach” Levi tapped the counter on one hand he appreciated the sentiment of the question on the other he was a grown ass man and knew how much fucking cake to eat at once he wasn't fucking Hanji. “Make it your regular size Hanji will probably steal a slice any fucking way the fucking glutton” Eren breathed out a sigh with his giggle everyone said that until they saw the slice. Shrugging he began cutting into the round cake humming the pop song playing from his phone on the speaker system. Levi's jaw dropped at the big ass slice of cake the brat just cut “are you trying to fucking kill me through diabetes you fucking murderer!” 

 

Eren gaped at him before glaring his face flushed red in anger as his cheeks puffed out pointing the knife at Levi. “I tried to warn you the damn place is called Titan's Bakery what the fuck did you expect you little explicit mouthed nut liking pervert!” Levi frowned scoffing “just cut the fucking cake I'll be late for school” growling at the raven Eren finished cutting that slice making sure to make the other one smaller than packed it neatly in the carry out box placing the cake back and closing the display. As he removed his gloves he put the kettle on going overhead, having to stretch to reach his tea leaves. Levi gulped as he saw the tan skin that peeked through as Eren reached up, eyes zeroed in on his ass quickly averting his eyes to the left when Eren turned back around. To calm his irritation the brunette began singing again, slowly hypnotizing Levi with his voice. 

 

Hearing the kettle whistle he placed the tea leaves in a draining cup so he could steep them for exactly 5 minutes or the drink would be bitter instead of warm and smooth if it were black tea he'd steep it longer. Counting mentally in his head Eren poured the finished tea in a to-go cup sealing the lid. Walking back to Levi and just to be an ass the brunette wrote his name wrong spelling it with a y instead of i and handed it to him after adding everything up “and that will be 12.56 cash or card Levi” 

 

Rolling his eyes at the childish way the brunette spelled his name he went to pull his wallet out cursing under his breath when he realized it was in the briefcase. What a rookie fucking mistake fucking dammit! Eren followed the way the raven man clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes at the tense motion. ‘ Shit I want that cake and tea fuck it he won't notice I’ll kill him if he does problem increased fuck me and my damn sweet need after murder!’ 

 

Placing the case on the table he made sure Eren couldn't see as he put in his code and popped open the case seeing the thin wallet tucked in the pocket he left it in for missions knowing he needed a new spot but he couldn't leave the shit where he'd be staying. Pulling the leather out he saw his master card sliding it out of its slot so he could tap the screen putting his wallet in his back pocket this time looking up to see Eren gone. Eren knew him being nosey would come back to bite him one day as he hid from Levi after looking over his head to see the dismantled sniper. Okay so ducking under his counter wasn't hiding but it made him feel safe as his heart raced. 

 

Levi sighed damn that brat. Walking right around the counter push divide him looked down at the trembling brunette tiredly “are you always this fucking nosey” pinching his nose the letting go to breathe and crack his knuckles he watched the man flinch from the loud sound and shuffle closer to the wall of his counter. Eren waved his hands frantically as he pushed back “I dropped something if you paid you can leave!” Levi had to give him that his first thought wasn't to scream he hadn't seen anything “we both know that's not true. You know my name sweetcheeks”.

 

Eren yelled, interrupting him “only your first which I wouldn't if you'd just let me call you sir!” Levi's eye twitches he wasn't that damn old! Walking towards Eren he reached down only to jump back as the brunette swiped the sharp knife at him shocked “the fuck you fucking psycho!” Eren sneered standing up glaring breathing hard “I'm the psycho you're the fucking crazy sniper carrying maniac!” Levi pointed at him in triumph “I knew you fucking saw the gun! Fucking lying nosey ass shitty brat!!” Eren laughed ‘ what the fuck is up with this dude!’ Levi laughed awkwardly then sighed, rocking on his heels with his hands in his pocket “So…” 

 

“So…” Levi cleared his throat ‘ god this is awkward my people skills suck ass’ “Right you're gonna have to come with me to my HQ and my boss will decide what to do with you” Eren blinked “Orrrr I can give you free cake and tea whenever you come here and keep my mouth shut so you don't have to worry about people missing me”. Levi smirked ‘you got me brat’ nodding to the deal he walked back around the counter grabbing his box and still hot tea waving bye to the brunette “See you tomorrow brat” Eren waved back ‘ Got you hubby’ “My name is Eren!” 

 

Levi stopped at the door looking over his shoulder with a smirk “Eren maybe next time don't be nosey” Eren squawked at his rude words. Just as Levi went to let the door close the brunette had to have the last words “Levi next time don't make a rookie mistake!” As he looked back through the glass doors his jaw dropped at the FBI badge in Eren's hand before he licked his lips slyly going to the door to breathe on the class. Taking his finger the raven wrote in big letters to the brunette Catch me brat then bolted down the street. 

 

Eren smiled, he had just Mrs and Mr Smithed his husband. Calling his boss he waited for Hanji to pick “Hi Ms Smith you were right he pretended not to know me what should we do now” Hanji cackled on the other end “We my dear Eren are going rouge let's catch our husband's whoop!” Smirking, Eren hung up, closing down the shop leaving a sign on the door ‘ Closed for a foreseeable future come again’ . Walking down the street Eren turned on the tracker he put on his husband's cake box “Oh baby I'm about to out agent the shit out of you”.

Notes:

😋 who knows. Also they all know each other and are friends their jobs are on the down low.

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