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“I made a deal… with the Empty.”
Dean couldn’t process the words at first. With Billie’s break-in attempts getting harder to ignore, with half-formed escape plans vying for attention in his head, with the adrenaline pumping through his veins, it was a miracle Cas’s words registered as words at all.
“What?”
“When Jack died,” Cas said, “I made a deal to take his place. The Empty would let go of its claim on Jack in exchange for my life.”
Dean felt like all the air had just been snatched from his lungs. It was too much. It was too much . Finding a way to take out Chuck from scratch. Literal Death chasing them down. People turning to dust left and right. There was no time for another problem. They never had enough time.
“Why are you telling me this now?” he asked, unable to stop the frustration from coating his words. The sigil on the door was burning out quick. They had a few minutes tops until it’d stop holding Billie back.
“Because the Empty’s the only thing strong enough to stop her,” Cas said. His eyes only caught Dean's for a second before he cast his gaze to the side. “It… it wanted me to go on with my life. To forget about the deal. It wanted me to experience a moment of true happiness, so it could be the one to take it away. If I can summon it—”
“No,” Dean said. “No, Cas, you are not sacrificing yourself.”
“If I don’t, we’ll both die.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it.” Dean set a hand on Cas’s shoulder. “I won’t lose you again. We’ll find another way. We always find another way.”
Cas shook his head. “Not this time.”
He took Dean’s hand off his shoulder. Dean followed the movement, staring down at where Cas was still holding onto him. He wished he didn’t know the angel as well as he did. He wished he couldn’t read the silent resolve in his stance, mourning the moment like it was already gone.
“Cas.” Dean maneuvered his hand so he was holding onto Cas’s wrist. “Cas, please.”
The angel stayed silent.
Dean clicked his tongue. “Okay fine, you said the Empty would only show up if you experienced true happiness, right? How’re you gonna do that? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re a little short on happy juice in here.”
“I…have a way.” Finally, finally , Cas looked up at him again. “I never had the chance to fully understand the whole emotions thing. Feelings . They’ve always been… complicated.”
The sound of Billie’s bangs against the door became background noise as Dean tried his best to figure out where the hell Cas was going with this.
“I made the deal because I thought—I knew —the one thing I wanted… was something I could never have. But if I can use this, if this is the last thing I ever say, it’ll be enough.” Cas took a step closer. “Because you’re the reason I can even comprehend the idea of true happiness in the first place. Because knowing you has changed me.”
Dean tightened his grip on Cas’s wrist, desperate to keep him there despite the underlying goodbye . He’d fight the world if he had to. Hell, he’d fight the whole friggin’ universe. If the Empty wanted Cas, he wasn’t going to stand by and watch the sonuvabitch steal his best friend away.
“Don’t do this.”
Cas’s hand ghosted over Dean’s cheek. “I love you.”
Then, the warmth of his touch was gone. Cas started to back away, distancing himself so Dean wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire. But Dean’s impulses were quicker. Without a conscious thought, Dean pulled Cas in and kissed him. He kissed him and he kissed him and he kissed him. The wanting had been there for a while, longer than Dean would ever admit, but the world was ending and he’d be damned if he let Cas end along with it.
It was only a few seconds later that everything exploded all at once.
There was no plan, no strategy. Black goo seeped through the brick wall behind them at the same time Billie busted through the warding. She charged at them, scythe raised. Dean’s instincts took over, letting go of Cas to dodge the blade. He didn’t notice the tendril of goo shooting toward the angel until it was too late.
“Cas!”
Dean lunged forward. He grabbed hold of Cas’s trench coat sleeve and tried to pull him away from the forming portal with everything he had left in him. But the Empty was strong, and Billie was charging at him, and Cas kept telling him to let go as the tendrils holding Cas spread onto Dean’s hand. He thought about Sam and Jack. He wished he could tell them he was sorry. Sorry he couldn’t save Cas. Sorry he was leaving them alone at the end.
When Billie swung her scythe again, Dean dropped to the floor, dragging Cas along with him. He braced for a final blow—one second, two seconds—but it never came. Instead, a blinding light flashed from beside them, an ear-splitting wail echoing around the room right after.
Dean opened his eyes to see a large gash of iridescent white spread across the pooling Empty. Billie must’ve not been able to redirect her scythe after he ducked out of the way. Its tendrils had retracted back into its spot on the wall, leaving him and Cas gasping for breath on the floor.
For a moment, the Empty did nothing. Billie stood frozen in place, eyes wide as she stared at the damage her scythe had done. Dean caught sight of the subtle tells. Her foot inching slightly to the left. Her grip shifted the most miniscule amount on the handle of her scythe.
She’s about to run .
With a final exhale, Billie turned toward the exit. She’d never have made it, but Dean suspected she knew that. Before she could even launch off her back foot, the Empty lashed out and swallowed her whole, spiraling the portal closed behind her.
The quiet that followed was deafening. Dean could hear his heart pounding in his chest, heavy breaths thundering in his head. He could feel Cas’s pulse from where he was still holding onto him. They were alive. A little worse for wear but inexplicably and undoubtedly alive .
“The Empty’s falling asleep. I… I can feel it,” Cas said as Dean helped lean him against the nearest wall. He heaved out an incredulous laugh. “Death’s scythe must’ve weakened it enough to put it back to sleep.”
Dean groaned as he flopped down beside him. “So, you’re safe?” he asked.
“From the Empty. For now,” Cas said.
Dean closed his eyes and let out a breath. “Awesome.”
It was a while before either of them said anything. Dean focused on the warmth of Cas’s skin, on the way Cas’s shoulder brushing against his with every attempt to catch their breaths. Exhaustion cut deep to his bones, but he gladly took on the herculean effort of lacing their fingers together.
“You know,” Dean said, breaking the silence. “Despite what the movies say, declarations of love don’t always have to happen at the most dramatic time.”
Cas rolled his eyes. “This coming from the man who can’t talk about his feelings unless one of us is about to die.”
Dean conceded. “Touché.” He studied the side of Cas’s face. “You okay?”
Cas sighed. “Yeah. You?”
“Fantastic.”
They went quiet again. Dean tried to think up something to say, but everything fell short. He’d had a lifetime of learning how to talk to women. All those movies and TV shows and the assumption that he’d only ever want to be with a woman. An assumption he also made about himself until he realized why he was always such a mess around attractive men.
But even then, Cas was different.
Cas was… Cas.
His best friend, strong and caring and unyielding. Someone who held him up even when he didn’t deserve it, fiercely adamant that he was worth saving from the moment they met.
Dean cleared his throat. “You’re not the only one who’s changed, you know,” he said, voice low. “Most people would’ve given up on me a long time ago, but… you always came back. Even though it would’ve saved you a helluva lot of grief if you didn’t.”
“That’s not true,” Cas said. “It would have been their loss, at any rate.”
“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t’ve blamed them. I don’t think I’d ever’ve let myself… feel things as much as I do with you. Hell, before you came along, I barely told anyone anything about myself. For some reason… you were the exception.”
“I would’ve thought you’d hate that.”
“I did, for a while.”
“What made you stop?”
Dean huffed. “You’re really gonna make me say it, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cas said, though Dean caught the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth. Bastard .
“I realized it was a symptom of something bigger. That I was… falling for you, or whatever.”
“ Or whatever ,” Cas repeated, amused.
“Hey, I’m really trying here, man.”
“I know you are.” Cas grinned that lopsided grin of his. “My apologies.”
Dean shook his head, a smile of his own tugging at his lips.
He didn’t know who leaned in first. Not that it mattered. Not when Cas’s mouth was on his, softer and sweeter than before. The world might’ve been ending, but for the first time in a long time, a warmth bloomed through Dean’s chest. A light. A hope. Despite all the odds stacked against them. Never tell me the odds.
A spark to fan into a flame.