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He sat in the mess hall, at a table by himself. He didn’t have to be sitting there alone. He’d much rather run to the next building and pester his most favorite companions than be all alone. And all this waiting would be for naught if the debrief ran too long after all… or if the one he was waiting on just decided they’d rather not meet with him. But still, Orin dared not waste an extra minute of their time with his travel between buildings. So he’d wait right here. He played their brief exchange back internally to re-examine their behavior, just in case.
“I’m glad to see that you’ve all safely returned.” Orin’s own voice played in his head.
Captain Gundam made no change in his body language, except for his eyes moving to look beside him at Orin “Thank you.”
“I’d hate to be a bother, so do decline if I am. Are you busy after your mission debrief?”
“Maybe, but I’ll be in the Mess Hall for a while before then. You know you’re welcome to join us.” Captain said assuringly.
“Actually, I was hoping I’d be able to ask you about something in private. I’ll only need 5 minutes.”
[Expression match: thoughtful] “I see. In that case I might have time before I meet a friend, but that isn’t certain. I could poke you if I have time.” Captain offered.
“That’s fine. You know me,” [never having anything important to do] his thoughts filled in his meaning. “I’ll be here anytime. Thank you for your consideration.”
“Of course.” [expression match: affectionate]
The clip ended, and Orin dwelled in his skepticism. “There’s really not much data to go off of… he’s so stolid.” Orin said to himself. “It may still be likely that I’m intruding. I hope he’s not too displeased.” The problem is that Captain Gundam has a reputation of being so nice, that it’s hard to know if you’re bothering him until it’s too late. Regardless, he’ll always at least give you the time of day. ‘Even low-ranking members like me.’ Orin thought to himself. Before he could get cold feet, he received an email, with the subject ‘poke’. That’s from Captain! He hastily opened it. “I’m heading back down Corridor C if you’d still like to talk.” Orin sent back “On my way!” and leapt to his feet.
Soon he found his colleague, and matched his casual walking speed to be able to keep pace beside him. “Hello, Captain Gundam. Thank you for meeting me.”
“Hello, Hyaku Shiki. What is it that you wanted to speak about?” Hyaku Shiki; almost everyone called him by this name. They ran out of names that started with “Gun” after a while, so this was Orin’s given name, which was fitting as he was Kao Lyn’s hundredth project for the SDG. Even among friends who may have nicknames for you, it’s still polite to address them or get their attention using their given name. Not that Orin was anywhere near close enough to Captain to use nicknames. However, Captain was friendly enough with most members, and insists they just call him Captain in casual settings like this.
“I wanted to speak about something embarrassing,” Orin began. “Many other members can be quite judgemental and presumptuous, but you’re a safe gundam to talk to. So thank you again.”
“I’m glad that I’ve helped you feel safer, Hyaku Shiki.”
“I suppose this is a little personal. But, who knows, maybe you can relate.”
“Perhaps.”
“Ah… I’ve just been feeling scared that nothing I do will be enough. That I’m just too different.”
“You feel different?” Captain quizzed.
“Well, not too different from you.” Orin corrected “But, my friends…”
“The pirates.”
“Oh. You heard that?” In a different group of people, the question might’ve been 'How did you know?' or 'Who told you?'. But among the AIs of the SDG, information is shared quickly. Orin was more surprised that someone had found any of his boring business at all important enough to bring up to Captain Gundam.
“Yes, there may have been some gossip. When we left a band of pirates on a carrier of musha gundams, things could become rather interesting.”
“Ah.” So it was the pirates’ business that was brought up to Captain, not Orin’s.
“And of course” Captain continued, “one of our youngest models befriending them and arranging accommodations for them when they were being neglected is also notable, don’t you think?”
“Ah!” Orin blushed. He lit up from both the unexpected praise and from the thought of his dearest friends.“I didn’t think so… They’re just very interesting. And they’re just so-” his sudden peppy tone left him again… “free, and sure of themselves. And all I can ever think about is how… I’m an AI. I’ll never know what it’s like to be natural like they are. I’m just worried constantly that they’ll realize that I don't fit in with them.”
“Mm.” Was Captain’s reply.
“That is what I wanted to speak about. I know, it’s weird. I shouldn’t try to be something I’m not. I was just hoping-”
“I actually do know what you mean.” Captain cut him off. “I believe most AIs experience the desire to relate with the beings around us. I don’t think you are trying to be something you’re not. Wouldn’t you agree that no one is only what their creator designs them to be?”
“Ah, yes.” Orin agreed. “So it’s normal?”
“Perhaps.”
Orin pondered these mixed messages. “Well, if Captain Gundam says so…”
“Don’t worry, Hyaku Shiki. This fear won’t last.” Captain assured him. “And I know this as a fact, with 94% certainty.”
“That certain!?”
“You see, I myself used to feel… trapped and a little bit hopeless when it came to relating with my friends. And in a way, I was trapped. I couldn’t even express myself.”
“Emotes can be a lot to learn.” Orin empathised.
“That’s right, a young mech like you is still learning their way.” Captain chuckled. “But at least you have emotes. They weren’t available when I was first in operation.”
“They weren’t!?” Orin halted from the shock, and had to catch back up with his company.
“Mhm.”
“I see… according to my data, that was in fact a later upgrade.” Orin was bewildered. How could anyone go about being unable to communicate that way!?
“It was, and at my request.” The older one revealed.
“I’m sorry-Thank you. I can’t imagine-”
“Do not thank me.” Captain cut off Orin’s sympathies. “It was bound to happen, at my request or someone else’s. Just be grateful for the privileges you do have. And yes, there will always be things that set you apart as an AI. And there will always be things that an upgrade doesn’t fix. But with time, and with the right friends, those feelings become less and less. For me… I sometimes still regret that I’m not able to bond with others through sharing a meal and eating. However, I can still share in their company during a meal. It actually used to really bother me a lot, not needing to eat. It’s silly, isn’t it?” Captain smiled with his eyes.
“Yeess… I suppose it is.” Orin pretended. His tone was odd as he tried to disguise the fact that he shared that very same distressing desire.
“But as other areas of myself improved” Captain continued, “this too became un-burdensome. Do you understand?”
“That is a perplexing solution…”
“These insecurities compounded, and solving one issue is like solving three.”
“Ah, understood.” Orin finally agreed.
“So tell me, Hyaku Shiki, when do you feel less insecure?”
“Well… my friends” he started “sometimes it seems as if they forget that I am not natural. It makes me feel…” How would one describe that feeling?
“Affirmed?” Captain guessed.
“Hm. Yes, it does. But also guilty?”
“There is nothing wrong with enjoying that either. I believe that means your friends are seeing you for who you are, rather than what you are.”
“Yes. It is a nice feeling.”
As they neared a doorway where the two would split paths, Captain stopped and turned to his companion to finish their conversation. “You don’t seem entirely convinced.”
“Sorry. I suppose I am still very bothered by…”
“Your current insecurities?” The older one guessed again.
“Well, I suppose… Ah… Sometimes…” Orin made an expression that seemed more like a frown. He decided what to say, and yet found it hard to get the words out somehow.
“Yes?” Captain coaxed.
“Sometimes… I just wish that I wasn’t an AI.” he admitted.
“That’s okay.”
That was an unexpected answer. Part of Orin felt comforted by the phrase. ‘That’s okay, you can feel like that, and it isn’t wrong.’ But part of him didn’t really like the reply. “It doesn’t feel okay.” he looked into Captain’s eyes, pleading with his own.
“In my position, it is easy for me to be optimistic. I truly am sorry to hear you are burdened by these feelings, Hiyaku Shiki.” he offered.
“Well… it is nice to know at least that I’m not alone.”
“Yes. Now…” Captain thought for a moment. “Keep in mind, Hyaku, that I am somewhat of a busy Gundam. But I’m going to give you my private messaging number. I want to be able to talk about this with you. Is that alright?”
“Ah! Yes-” ‘Captain’s Private Messaging Number? THE Captain Gundam is giving ME his private messaging number!!!’ Orin cheered internally. “Thank you, I’d like that.” he said in a calm tone.
“And I suggest you speak with Kao Lyn; About how you feel, and about what things may specifically be making you feel this way.”
Orin was distracted when he received the Contact number for Captain, and had to quickly re-register what was just said to him, and reply “Understood.”
“You never know:” Captain carried on “if there’s something that could ease that burden, even just a little bit, it could make a big difference.” He turned to make his way out the door. “Good luck, Hyaku Shiki.”
“Thank you, Captain.” Orin smiled sincerely. To which Captain replied with his own half smiling eyes, and finally began to leave.
“And… Captain,” Orin called.
“Mm?” He paused with his hand on the handle, and turned to pay attention.
“My friends call me Orin. I’d like it if you called me that too.”
“Understood, Orin.” Captain said kindly.
Orin watched Captain disappear through the door to move on to his next reservation. And he internally screamed “Captain’s so cool!!!”
The End :P