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Satoru really has never been able to handle Walmart’s bright, fluorescent lights. Irritatingly, the Walmart closest to his brand new apartment had particularly eye-searingly bright lights. He’s been up since 4 in the morning, and now it’s 2 in the morning, and Satoru has been going nonstop.
The drive to his new place from his parent’s house was long and exhausting, and the money they gave him wasn’t going to stretch very far. A familiar pounding headache was starting to form behind his eyes, so he reached a shaky hand into his pocket to grab his trusty mini bottle of ibuprofen. God, what he wouldn’t give for something stronger right now. He hasn’t had an oxy in two weeks, and, devastatingly, Satoru knows that he shouldn’t — can’t, really — have any more for a long time. But, he has someone to look after now, and Satoru refuses to be hopped up on painkillers or speed or whatever the fuck else while he’s doing so.
The reason for Satoru’s newfound sobriety was currently sitting in the shopping cart’s seat, swinging his legs and glowering at the man with all the anger an angsty four year old could muster.
“I’m hungry.”
“That’s why we’re here, Megumi. To get food. And blankets,” Satoru eyed Megumi’s feet, clad with raggedy shoes held together by duct tape, “And shoes. You can’t let me forget shoes.”
Megumi didn’t respond, instead continuing to swing his feet against the cart. He’s a really quiet kid; normally, the quietness makes Satoru kind of uncomfortable, but right now, Satoru is too exhausted to hold a conversation with an angry kid.
Walking down the frozen food aisle, Satoru fought a shiver and shoved his free hand in the oversized hoodie he was wearing. Suguru’s oversized hoodie, the last thing he still has of his. Try as he might, Suguru can’t cut himself out of Satoru’s life forever! Even when he gets himself to prison. Or jail, whatever. It’s going to be prison, unless Suguru has a good fucking excuse for stabbing someone—
Satoru shook his head and started looking through the frozen meals.
“What do you want to eat tonight? What’re you hungry for?”
Megumi shrugged, unhelpfully.
“Uhhh…” Satoru tilted his head, attempting to read the tiny words on the box, because, seriously, either Satoru’s vision is getting worse or the box's texts are getting smaller, “This is like… Alfredo, I think. Do you like that?”
“Mhm.”
That’s one great thing about Megumi: he is not a picky eater in the slightest.
“Good! We can get these for tonight.”
Satoru continued to browse the aisle with little input from Megumi, throwing random boxes with somewhat appetizing looking meals into the cart. He also threw in a bag of pizza pockets and a box of instant ramen, because it couldn’t hurt to have a little extra.
“Oh, Megumi! Look!”
Satoru rushed their cart towards the candy aisle, grinning widely. His eyes scanned the colorful aisle, packed to the brim with pink and red bags of Valentine’s Day themed candy. It is getting to be that time of year, isn’t it? Satoru’s gut churned as he swallowed down a wave of nausea, a feeling that’s been way too familiar lately.
He grabbed a variety pack, shaking it in front of Megumi, who was still sitting silently.
“What do you want? What’s your favorite?”
Megumi shrugged, “I dunno.”
“You don’t know your favorite? C’mon, kid, it’s not that hard.”
Megumi’s feet were still thudding against the shopping cart, “Toji didn’t give me candy.”
The more Satoru hears about Toji, about how Toji “raised” Megumi, the more he hated him. And, God, Satoru hated Toji with every fiber in his being. He really doesn’t know how that bastard had a kid like Megumi.
“Oh. Yikes,” Satoru walked slowly down the candy aisle, leaning on the shopping cart, “Well, you’ll probably like sour patch kids,” he said, throwing a bag into the cart.
They went through the different aisles in the store, Satoru checking off all the items in his mental checklist all the while. Food, blankets, a pillow each, plates, bowls, so many toiletries: starting from scratch is exhausting and expensive. It would be really nice if Satoru hadn’t been screwed over and kicked out from his shared apartment that he paid half the rent for— but whatever. Satoru’s not bitter. Seriously.
Megumi had largely been silent, only speaking when Satoru talked to him directly, if that. But as they were walking through the toy aisle, Satoru heard a quiet gasp, causing him to stop in his tracks and stare intensely at the boy.
“What is it, Meg? Do you like something?”
Megumi stared at Satoru, distrust in his eyes. Silently, he nodded.
“What is it?!”
The past two weeks, Megumi has been so reluctant to admit when he wanted something. Satoru still feels guilty about the time in that first week where they went an entire day without eating — Satoru didn’t think to feed Megumi when he was feeling way too nauseous to eat anything, and Megumi didn’t want to tell Satoru he was hungry.
So when Megumi shyly pointed to a dog plushie sitting in the middle shelf, how could Satoru say no?
He grabbed the stuffed animal, handing it to Megumi.
“Here you go, buddy. If you want it, it’s yours!”
Megumi looked up at Satoru with furrowed brows, hugging the stuffed dog to his chest protectively.
“…It’s mine?”
“Yeah!”
Megumi glowered, holding the dog even tighter? “And you won’t take it back?”
Satoru blinked once, twice at the idea of giving Megumi a gift and then taking it away from him. What a cruel idea.
“What? No, no, buddy. It’s yours. Forever.”
Megumi’s expression shifted, softening, as he slowly nodded, pressing his face into the stuffed dog. Satoru smiled, he thinks he’s starting to get a handle on this parenting thing.
—-
Satoru picked at the lukewarm microwave spaghetti, his stomach churning. He can’t remember the last time he had an appetite — well, he can’t remember the last time he had an appetite when he wasn’t smoking pot. He absently pushed the food around in the container, mind drifting.
Worried eyes scanned Satoru’s body, a warm hand drifting down Satoru’s bare chest.
“Satoru, you’re getting skinny. Are you eating right?” He had said so gently into Satoru’s ear, he could feel his dark hair tickling Satoru’s face.
“What? I’m fine. I eat when I’m hungry.”
And Suguru had brushed Satoru’s face so tenderly, his care and affection practically radiating off of him. It had been so easy, then, as Satoru leaned into Suguru’s hand like second nature.
“I just worry about you, sometimes.” He said softly, his thumb brushing Satoru’s cheek, “You barely sleep or eat. I want you to be healthy. The drugs—“
And Satoru had put a finger on Suguru’s lips, a coy smile tugging at his own.
“C’mon, Suguru. There’s no need to worry. I’m Gojo fucking Satoru. I think I know how to handle myself.
Then Suguru had sighed and smiled and shook his head, endeared. They had shared a tender kiss and then they went about the rest of their day, lounging around and studying in their shared apartment.
Satoru put down his fork. He was going to be sick if he ate any more. He looked at the little boy sat on the floor across from him, who clearly did not have the same issues eating that Satoru did.
He was ravenously eating the last bit of the microwave spaghetti, fork scraping the empty container. Has Satoru not been feeding this kid right? He forgot to give him breakfast, but they had a pretty big meal at some burger place to make up for it.
But here Megumi was, eating like it would be his last meal in a month.
“Hey, Megumi.”
Megumi stopped scraping the container, looking up to Satoru with a glare.
Satoru pushed the rest of his own, barely eaten meal to Megumi, “You want the rest?”
Megumi stared him down, a distrusting look in eyes. Still, he snatched the container and pulled it closer to him, promptly shoveling the food into his mouth.
Satoru stared, wide eyed for several moments, “You might wanna slow down there, buddy. You’re gonna be sick.”
Megumi continued eating ravenously, only pausing to glare at Satoru once again and say, “Fuck off.”
Satoru blinked, unable to form any words.
“Ok. Wow.”
They continued to sit in silence, the scraping sound of a metal fork on the plastic container grating on Satoru’s ears.
—-
It was a downright pitiful sight: Megumi was groaning, tears at the corner of his eyes as he curled up on the bathroom floor, face pallid.
Satoru sat next to him, rubbing the boy’s back in an attempt to comfort him.
“I told you that you shouldn’t eat so much so fast, Megumi. Look at you now. You’re miserable.”
Megumi glared up at him, but the effect was just evoking more sadness in Satoru’s heart.
What is he supposed to do here? Just let the kid sit there miserably? He was on the verge of tears! God damn it. He should’ve been more insistent on Megumi slowing down… Was that too much food? Wouldn’t he have stopped if he wasn’t hungry?
Satoru continued to rub Megumi’s back, pondering on how to help him. Oh, medicine! Satoru doesn’t have a lot in this apartment yet; in fact, his backpack held all of his meager belongings, as most of them got thrown out after he was evicted. But, despite not having much in his bag, Satoru is pretty sure that he has some antacids somewhere in his things.
“Ok, bud, I’m gonna be right back. You’ll feel better in a jiffy.”
With that Satoru shot up from his place on the floor, momentarily having to lean on the wall as his head spun, a spark of pain shooting through his stomach. He blinked several times, regaining his balance, before clumsily making his way to the bedroom.
The room was incredibly empty, a pile of blankets haphazardly folded in the middle of the space, and Satoru’s backpack was tucked away in the corner. Quickly, Satoru grabbed the battered bag, rummaging through.
He threw several shirts and a couple pairs of pants to the ground, along with a couple of toiletries, a notebook, and a pack of pens until he found what he was looking for: a plastic container half full of extra strength antacid tablets, fruit flavored.
Satoru smiled at his accomplishment, ready to give Megumi something to alleviate his pain when something caught his eye.
A little plastic bag, filled with three tiny pills.
Satoru stilled, and all of the sudden, the antacids felt like the least important things in the world right now.
Satoru reached into the backpack, taking out the plastic bag with reverence, hand shaking. He thought he was out, he thought he flushed them all.
But it was unmistakable. Three blue pills in a plastic baggy, calling out to Satoru.
It really wouldn’t be that bad, to calm down a little bit. Just something to clear his racing mind, something to improve his livelihood.
But then Satoru could hear Megumi crying in the bathroom, and reality hit him like a slap in the face. What the fuck was he even thinking?
There is a little baby in the other room, four years old and in need of someone. Satoru is right there, he is the only option, and here he is looking at some pills like they’re his long lost lover.
Satoru clenched his fist around the pills, grabbing the antacids in his other hand. He walked to the bathroom, determined, crouching down to where Megumi was still laying on the floor, crying softly.
“Hey, buddy, I’m sorry. I know it hurts.”
Megumi didn’t even acknowledge Satoru, still curled up, wrapping his arms around his sides. Satoru shoved the painkiller bag into his pocket, instead shaking an antacid tablet into his palm. He gently poked Megumi’s cheek, successfully gaining his attention.
“Ok, Megumi. Eat this,” He took hold of Megumi’s little hand, placing the tablet in his palm, “It’ll make you feel better.”
Megumi took the tablet, gripping it as he looked up at Satoru, eyes damp. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around Satoru, holding tight. Gently, so gently, because sometimes it felt like he would break such a little boy, Satoru hugged back, pressing a kiss on his head.
They stayed like that for several moments, and Satoru remembered why he decided to take care of this boy in the first place. Because Satoru was all Megumi had; Megumi was all Satoru had.
It was Megumi who broke the hug, shuffling back with his head downturned, unwilling to make eye contact. He placed the antacid in his mouth, chewing slowly. Good.
Satoru stood up, retrieving the pill bag from his pocket and shaking them into his hand. He took a step forward, and dropped them into the toilet without another thought. Pressing the handle down, the blue pills got flushed, swirling away with a sense of finality.
Megumi was all that Satoru had, now. He wasn’t going to fuck this up.