Work Text:
Vigil:
ok ik u said this number was emergencies only
but this is 2 funny not 2 share
so suck it up
anyways
i was doing my thing
*cough* crime *cough*
(vigilantism)
and fucking endeavor shows up
so i start fanboying obvi
and he starts going all ‘crime mnehmnehmneh’
so i hit him with the ‘says u!’
which… i use on villains a lot…
heroes not so much
but it… worked??????
Hawks:
Vigil I- What?
Vigil:
HAWKSSSS HI
:D
Hawks:
Vigil I am so confused right now…
Vigil:
cuz endeavor?
Hawks:
Partly?
Vigil:
idk man
im confused 2 ngl
like y did that work?
shuld I be investigating him???????
Hawks:
I’m sorry, you got stopped by Endeavor while committing a crime and instead of trying to capture you, he got confused by you calling him a criminal and let you go? Did I get that right?
Vigil:
ig so?
idk hes weird man-
——
Vigil changed Hawks’s name to BIRB.
Vigil changed Vigil’s name to GREEN AHH
BIRB:
Vigil, what’s this about? Also why at 3am?
GREEN AHH:
i was bored :/
also our names were boring
also its the 3am impulsiveness ngl
BIRB:
Why are you awake? It’s not one of your patrol nights?
GREEN AHH:
insomnias a bitch
i almost asked u the same
but then i remembered it IS ur patrol night LMAO
BIRB:
Perhaps you should turn your phone off?
GREEN AHH:
y r u so weird on msgs?
like irl ur chill
but msgs u get all fancy and stuff :/
BIRB:
Sorry, whenever I message someone it’s usually for work, so I guess I’m just not used to casual messaging?
GREEN AHH:
valid
do u want a crash course on how to casual text? /nf
BIRB:
Ok? I might not remember it all though…
GREEN AHH:
thats all g
ill just drop the main stuff cuz ik my typing is constantly like this but theres like a midpoint between the 2 of us yk?
BIRB:
That makes sense.
GREEN AHH:
punctuation is ehh
fullstops/periods/whatever u call the “.” is an absolute no go unless u wanna be passive aggressive
? is fine but i like to at least have 2
+ more if im more confused
same with !
also stop msging in 1 long msg
break it up a little
dont be scared to send 10 msgs to get ur point across lol
BIRB:
I see…
GREEN AHH:
also u dont ever have to put my name in ur msgs if im the only one in the chat (ik ur talking to mw)
BIRB:
Makes sense…
GREEN AHH:
i dont bother with capitalising stuff and adding apostrophes but some ppl do
personal preference there ig
maybe add some pizazz with emoticons or emojis
(i prefer emoticons but it’s up to u)
BIRB:
I’m not sure how good I will be at this but I’ll try?
GREEN AHH:
all g lol
i dont mind/gen
BIRB:
You really should sleep though, it’s getting late…
GREEN AHH:
meanie :/
gnnnnn
BIRB:
Good night!
——-
GREEN AHH changed BIRB’s name to Red Light.
GREEN AHH changed GREEN AHH’s name to Green Light.
Green Light:
cops pulled me over 4 running a red light as a PEDESTRIAN today
like seriously????
chill tf out
Red Light:
What actually happened?
Green Light:
wdym
Red Light:
Pretty sure it’s not a crime to cross at a red light for pedestrians? (I could be wrong though)
Go through what happened for me?
Green Light:
sure ok whatever
so
there i was
just doing my patrol like normal
and im like
“i dont wanna jump rooftops rn im tired as fuck and don’t feel like slipping and dying cuz of sleep deprivation”
so i decide to walk like a normal person
and im literally patrolling, who cares about a stupid red light?
apparently this cop?
so i yelled at him for having a stick up his butt and told him if he’d never crossed a red light as a pedestrian he culd take me in
he just stared at me like i was crazy so i left
im not crazy and i aint doin that shit
Red Light:
You were patrolling… in your vigilante gear… and you think the traffic light is why the police tried to stop you??
Green Light:
yea???
y else???
ohhhh… oh i hear it now
im dumb as fuckkkkk
Red Light:
How you haven’t been caught yet is beyond me…
Green Light:
valid tho
i barely even try these days ngl
except around eraserhead
that man is terrifying
(but also rlly epic and cool)
like if anyone were to catch me it wuld b him
no doubt about it
Red Light:
Agreed.
——
Green Light changed Red Light’s name to BOP.
Green Light changed Green Light’s name to Human.
BOP:
What is this?
Human:
BOP
bird of prey
duh
BOP:
No one would have guessed that’s what you meant…
Human:
i wuld
BOP:
Right…
Anyway, what were you messaging about?
Human:
nothing :/
bored on patrol rn ngl
BOP:
Are you messaging while you are on patrol?
Human:
obvi
BOP:
It’s your break though, right?
Human:
wdym
BOP:
You are sitting down or something while you text right?
Human:
no im patrolling?
y r u being weird
BOP:
Are you roof jumping right now?
Human:
yea???
BOP:
While you’re messaging me?
Human:
yea??????
what else wuld i be doing?
its not like id fight while msging u
BOP:
I’m starting to question how true that is right now…
Human:
wtf?????
BOP:
LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING BEFORE YOU FALL TO YOUR DEATH???
Human:
stop being such a worrywart lmao
BOP:
You are literally not looking where you are going while you jump between roofs?
That is so dangerous.
Human:
im fineeeeee
BOP:
Message me after patrol, I’m not talking to you while you are patrolling, I refuse to be part of that insanity.
Human:
lame
——
Human changed Human’s name to Quirkless.
Quirkless changed BOP’s name to Quirkful.
Quirkless:
ran into eraserhead today
was terrified 4 my life ngl
Quirkful:
You are here though, so you got out?
Quirkless:
yea :D
just dropped the
“im quirkless so i cant legally b a vigilante”
and eraserhead seem to malfunction
weird as fuck ngl
i was so caught off guard by his irl lag that i didnt even leave
hes 1 of the good heroes cant have him lagging off the face of the planet or whatever
Quirkful:
The way you tell stories is both truely infuriating and the most entertaining thing ever-
Quirkless:
im just cool like that
anyways
so eraserhead comes back 2 it
and the first thing he says 2 me is
and im not kidding here
very first thing he says is
“can i adopt u?”
like WHAT????
WHERE DID THAT COME FROMMMM
Quirkful:
Pffffft I have heard he’s a bit of a dad (don’t tell Eraserhead, I think anyone involved in spreading it would be killed if he found out about that rumour)
I didn’t think I’d see it actually happen though!
Quirkless:
im going insane over here?????
eraserhead is NOT my dad????
i just didnt wanna get arrested!!!
Quirkful:
I bet you he’s getting the adoption papers ready right now. He’s gonna be on your tail until you sign them I fear-
He tried to adopt me when he realised how young I was, which didn’t go well for him since I’m not a child but I still get dragged to family games nights so…
Quirkless:
so wat ur saying here is
im well and truly FUCKED?
Quirkful:
Yeah pretty much XD
Quirkless:
great. just great.
Quirkful:
Uhoh not the scary punctuation marks~
Quirkless:
ur right 2 b scared
im very scary :>
Quirkful:
Terrifying.
Quirkless:
XDD
anyways i shuld probs sleep ngl
deeply sleep deprived over here
Quirkful:
GO TO SLEEP!
Quirkless:
Ugh fine :/
——
Quirkless changed Quirkful’s name to Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test.
Quirkless changed Quirkless’s name to Lied To A Lie Detector And Won.
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
Immediately I am concerned
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
was it the name change??
did that give me away :(
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
You only change our names when you are about to tell me about something either deeply worrying or illegal or if u haven’t slept in days…
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
which do u think this is?
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
Definitely illegal XD
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
dam u got me
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
What did you do?
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
the name says it all lmao
so u know that 1 detective whos got that truth detector quirk?
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
Oh no.
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
well it turns out it counts anything that isnt quite true as a full lie
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
That… that is what a lie is? I’m confused?
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
Here ill drop examples
calling him L for now cuz 2 lazy to type out the whole damn name ngl
L: r u vigil
me: im not the most vigil i miss quite a lot of things im oblivious if anything
L: tru
L: r u the vigilante called vigil?
me: ooooo yeah totally im vigil and I love crime
L: lie
L: so ur not vigil?
me: nah im definitely vigil, never been anyone else
u see what i mean?
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
You are terrifying
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
y thank u :D
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
Genuinely scared for my life-
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
u love me rlly
anyways wanna hear about more ways i ruined this mans life?
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
Weirdly, yes, yes I do-
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
well turns out if u word things right it still counts as a truth even if it probably isn’t true
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
What do you mean??
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
me: o btw its possible the leader of the yakuza is someone with a big pink elephant quirk
L: tru? wtf?
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
I need to get that man some therapy-
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
yea-
oops?
Would Naturally Pass A Lie Detector Test:
I’m going to say this again, you terrify me…
Lied To A Lie Detector And Won:
i live for it :D