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It was past 4 AM when Jason finally arrived. Usually when he arrived that late he'd head directly to his room and just throw himself in bed, not even taking his boots off because he was too tired. Not that night, though. Because he couldn't stop thinking about Roy and he just wanted to be with him. Roy's door was closed, probably because he was expecting Jason to bring someone in. Ignoring the sharp, burning pain this thought provoked to his chest – it was like he had just swallowed an ice cube -, he opened slowly the door, trying to make the less noise possible but of course that old warehouse door made a terrible creaking sound - so loud he was sure the other side of the planet listened to it.
"Fuck", Jason said between his teeth when he saw Roy, who was lying on his chest, turning to him.
“You woke me up”, Roy complained, his voice a bit husky, sleepy. Jason chuckled, getting a seat on Roy's bed. He slowly made a gesture to reach Roy's back, but Roy turned himself so that he was laying on his back against the bed, looking at Jason. Roy's eyes were red, and he looked tired. “Next time go to your own bed”, he said, moving again to turn his back to Jason.
“We're grumpy tonight?”, Jason asked as he took his boots off. Roy didn't give himself the effort to answer him, only adjusted himself in bed offering Jason a space to lay down close to him. Jason stopped to look at Roy. He could see part of his face and he looked disappointed. Not exactly angry, but definitely bothered with something. “Guess we're grumpy tonight.”, he kicked his boot away, taking off his jacket as he sensed Roy moving. When he looked at his friend, he was laying on his back again looking at him, with crossed arms and a judgemental look written all over his face. “What?”
“Why do you have to do this, Jay?”, Roy asked in reply to his question. Jason looked at the wall, wondering what the hell did he meant. He did a lot of things everyday, and Roy needed to be a little more specific. Roy snorted, “Nevermind.”
“No, Roy-”, Jason put his hand on his friend's arm. His cold hand made a contrast on Roy's warm body. “C'mon, Roy. Please, what did I do?” he had to hold himself not to say what did I do now , because he knew that would only piss Roy off. And he didn't want to make the situation any worse.
Roy looked at Jason, as if thinking if he should tell him or not. Jason always felt awkward when Roy starred at him like that, but he wouldn't look away. Either way, he liked to see Roy's face, especially when he wasn't wearing that stupid baseball cap and the Arsenal mask. He could see his friend's face completely. His long, thin nose, his mouth – right now, Roy had a crooked smile – and his eyes . Jason loved the green sparks on Roy's eyes. His freckles. Even the dark cyrcles under his eyes. If he didn't feel like it would be creepy to stare at his friend's eyes for more than a few seconds, he'd do it for a lot more than that. He could see that Roy was tired, and that he had lied – Jason didn't wake him up. The black circles under Roy's eyes was something that were part of his face now, but it was a lot deeper than the usual. He didn't slept that night, and it was past 4 AM already. Jason sighed. He knew already what did he do wrong.
“Okay, Roy, what if I tell you I wasn't with anyone?”, Jason said, hand still on his arm.
Roy looked up and sighed, “Sure.”, he tried to turn his back to Jason again, but Jason held him still, tightening the grip on Roy's arm a little.
“I mean it, Roy”, he looked at Roy, who twisted his mouth. Jason detached himself from Roy's arm and climbed in bed, placing his arms between Roy, their bodies touching only lightly. “I was doing patrol. I couldn't sleep. Had some business to do. Nothing dangerous. Or serious.”
“Business to do”, Roy repeated sarcastically, and Jason saw he was trying to hide his grin. “Does your business have a name? Clarissa? Jennifer? Katie? Or was it someone new?”
Jason sighed. Roy had all the right to be angry at him. A few months after Kori left, they started... playing with each other. It wasn't anything serious, or it wasn't supposed to be. It started with just kisses. And then before they even knew what was happening, they just jerked off each other. For the fun only. A stress release or something. Jason thought Roy was doing it because he missed someone special – he thought Roy just missed Kori. A few months later, things started getting more serious when they first had sex. It was weird, sloppy, a bit uncomfortable, but Jason kinda knew they couldn't go back from that. Especially because they both enjoyed it. Things had changed between them, and that's when Jason panicked. He wasn't exactly scared of commitment, but he was scared of commitment with Roy. Because Roy . He being the closest Jason had of a best friend, he didn't want to lose it forever. And since he and Roy never really talked about what they were doing, Jason found his opportunity to escape a little. Since they weren't exclusive, Jason started going out at night, finding girls to bring them home, making sure Roy would see it, too. It was stupid and mean, and Jason knew that. Although to his defence he haven't seen anybody else over the past two months, and he really didn't plan to do it anymore. Roy had enough people hurting him on his past, and Jason realised he didn't want to be one of those people. And Jason on the other side realised that those two months without seeing anybody sexually other than Roy were just so much better .
“Roy...”, Jason said. Roy shook his head. “I haven't seen anyone for the last two months.”. He could see the doubt on his friend's eyes. “I'm serious.”, he brushed his leg on Roy's.
“Then why do you have to suddenly disappear and stay away until it's almost sunrise? Why you don't say anything to me?”
“Because”, Jason threw himself on the other side of the bed, turning to look at Roy, “I'm an asshole?”
For the first time that night, Roy smiled to Jason. And Jason melted . It was rare to get an actual true smile from Roy. Sure, he smiled a lot but when they were real, when they really meant Roy was happy – that was when Roy got most handsome.
“You are right about that.”, Roy turned his body to Jason and touched his face. “Two months?”
“Two months.”, Jason held Roy's hand on his face. “I promise.” Roy got closer to him and locked his lips on Jason's while caressing his cheek. Jason responded to it by getting his arm around Roy's shoulders. Their lips parted, and Roy let out a light laugh. Jason hugged him closer, resting his chin on Roy's head, playing with his long hair. They stayed like this for a while, Jason just playing with Roy's hair, feeling Roy's breath on his chest. Jason started murmuring a song that was stuck in his head.
“Hey, I can't hear it properly”, Roy complained. “Sing it louder.”
“I don't know the complete lyrics.”
“I don't care.”
Jason snorted, resting his head on his hand, to get on a more comfortable position to sing. For some reason, Roy liked when he sang. Jason knew he wasn't completely terrible in it, but Roy talked about him as if he was his personal Michael Crawford. Which he wasn't. But Roy was hurt, and he asked and honestly, right now he just wanted to see Roy happy. He'd do anything for Roy at this point, even singing when he didn't feel like doing it.
“ Take me out tonight.. where there's music and there's people who are young and alive... Driving in your car, I never never want to go home, because I haven't got one anymore... ”, he sang as he looked up at the wall. He hated looking at Roy when he sang. “Uh... Oh please don't drop me home, because it's not my home, it's their home and I'm welcome no more...” , he stopped. Not because he didn't know the lyrics, but because he didn't want to continue.
“That's all?”, Roy said, his hand now on Jason's hip, brushing it lightly.
Jason looked at Roy. They just starred at each other for a while until Jason got the courage to keep singing. “ And if a double-decker bus, crashes in to us... ”, he tried to look away from Roy, but it was like his gaze was too much to look away, “ To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die...” , he stopped again, swallowing. “ And if a ten ton truck... kills the both of us... to die by your side... well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine. ”, he stopped, still looking at Roy. The grip on Jason's hip got stronger. Jason looked away. The expression of Roy's eyes were too much for him. Roy understood what he meant.
“I can say the same, Jaybird.”, Roy said, kissing his cheek. “And to live by your side. It's also a pleasure... and a privilege.”, he winked as soon as Jason looked at him, making him look away again. "Thank you.", Jason hated the way Roy made him feel. Or he loved it. Or maybe something in between and he was just too scared to assume. “Goodnight”, he said, turning his back to Jason.
For a minute or two, Jason just stared at his friend's back. Wondering what to do. Wondering how could he show to Roy that he cared about him. In his own words, not in someone else's. He needed Roy to know that he wanted more, and that he wasn't just playing around with him anymore. That he truly cared. Maybe even loved him. That his feelings were real, and he meant every word of it.
He suddenly had an idea. It was stupid – to say the least - but he knew that if he didn't take the opportunity to say that now , then he would never say it again. Which would make him regret it for the rest of his life.
Jason usually wasn't impulsive in terms of friends and relationships, but the person lying close to him deserved some impulsiveness. The person lying close to him saved his ass more times that he could count, the person lying close to him smiled everytime Jason said a lame joke, the person close to him loved him and cared about him in a way he never thought anyone would do, the person close to him was someone that Jason loved... whatever that meant.
So he decided impulsiveness was the answer now.
He hugged Roy from behind, getting his mouth close to his ear. “You awake?”.
“It depends for what.”, Roy answered with close eyes, a smile growing on his mouth, holding Jason's hand.
“ Roy Harper ”, Jason sang in a stupid tone. Part of him regretted it already, but when he heard Roy's laugh, he kept going. “W ill you be my boyfriend? ”
He felt Roy's body tense on his arms. “ I promise I won't be much of an asshole to you... ”, Jason continued singing, closing his eyes thinking of how lame he must sound. Because if Roy did the same thing to Jason, he'd laugh at him.
Roy turned himself to Jason, looking serious. “You mean it?”
Jason looked confused. “Of course I do.”, he looked at Roy to make sure he knew he meant it . “Unless you're not serious. Then I'm totally joking.”
“I'm serious if you're serious.”
“Then I guess we're both serious.”, Jason smiled weakly.
Roy's serious face turned into a happy one in seconds. He laughed and bit his lip, throwing himself on Jason for a sloppy kiss.
“So, boyfriends?”, Roy asked, when they parted. He again was giving that genuine smile. And this time, the smile was because of Jason.
“Yeah. Boyfriends.”, Jason answered, smiling too. And he knew his smile was because of Roy. Everything was fine.