Chapter Text
James Potter lay on his bed. Alone. It was the early hours of the morning on October 31st, 1982. It had been a full year since that fateful Halloween night in Godric's Hollow—the night when everything had changed. The night when the unthinkable had happened. The night when one of his best friends had betrayed him. The night when he had lost his soulmate.
The last 12 months had been a mixture of feelings. On one hand, happiness—the sort of bliss that makes you look like a complete idiot. Voldemort had vanished, the Wizarding World was finally at peace again, and most importantly, Harry was safe. His Harry. His two-and-a-half-year-old son was finally allowed to have a happy, normal childhood.
On the other hand, that childhood was motherless, and that crushed James’s soul. The thought of never seeing Lily again—his Lily—immobilized him, made him feel like there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning, no reason to live. The past year had been shaped by this dichotomy. Every time Harry achieved a milestone, it filled James with pride and happiness. Yet, a voice in the back of his mind reminded him that Lily wasn’t there to see it—and never would be—pulling him back to the harsh reality.
Today was going to be a particularly hard day. James watched as the raindrops smashed against his bedroom window. Sirius, Marlene, and Remus would be coming along soon—his friends, his rock, and the new version of the Marauders. Sirius had even moved in with him for a few months, caring for Harry when James was too distraught to do so. His best friend. His brother.
Thoughts raced through James’s mind when a small cry brought him back to the present moment. “Coming, Harry,” James called from his room, standing up from the bed and making his way to the nursery. After Lily's death, they had moved back to the Potter Manor. Amid the chaos, it felt good to be back in his childhood home.
James entered the room to see a tear-eyed Harry standing in his cot, reaching out to his father. “Good morning, bud,” James said with a smile, picking Harry up and holding him close to his chest, rocking him gently from side to side.
“Daddy,” Harry said as if complaining, shocked that James had dared not to be present as soon as he woke up.
“I know, I know,” James cooed, pressing his lips to the top of Harry's head. “I’m here now.”
Despite not being able to make sense of Lily’s death, it had certainly affected Harry. He was more clingy, and being apart from his father stressed him. Being with someone other than Sirius or James? Impossible.
James walked to the changing table, laying Harry down. Harry protested, rubbing his eyes as he kicked his little legs.
“Someone’s woken up on the wrong side of the crib today, huh?” James asked, pulling down Harry’s pyjama bottoms to change his nappy.
Harry cried, trying to roll onto his tummy—no doubt to get away. James gently but firmly kept him in place, putting a fresh nappy on him.
“There, all done. No need to get all grumpy, is there?” James asked, pulling Harry’s bottoms back on and picking him up. “I’m not even going to try and put you down on the floor,” he added, walking down the stairs as he gave Harry his pacifier.
James made his way down the stairs, hearing voices as he approached the kitchen. His best friend sat on the counter, a mug in his hands as he chatted away with Pixie—the Potters’ house elf. “Yes, master Sirius. Pixie keeps an eye on master James and apparates right away to master Sirius if needed. Even though master James doesn’t like that Pixie knows master Sirius wants to help,” Pixie was saying. James shook his head at the exchange as a small smile crept up on his lips. What would he do without Sirius Black?
“Well, if master James doesn’t like it, I would suggest not doing it, Pixie,” James said playfully, approaching his best friend. “And perhaps don’t open the door to unwanted guests at 7 in the morning,” he teased. “Master Sirius is family. Master James needs his family even if sometimes he doesn’t know it,” Pixie said, hurrying to set the table in front of James and Harry.
“Yeah, Mum,” James teased Pixie, turning to his best friend. “You’re here early, Pads.”
“Well, my plan was to get here before you woke up,” Sirius confessed with a soft chuckle as he approached Harry. Leaning down, he kissed the top of the toddler’s head before settling into a seat next to them.
“No!” Harry protested, burying his face against James’s chest, his little hands clutching at his father’s shirt.
“Someone’s cranky,” Sirius remarked, taking a sip from the mug he’d been holding, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. “How are you holding up today prongs"
James glanced down at Harry, absently stroking the boy’s unruly hair as he ignored the toddler’s clingy grumbles. “I’m good, Pads. You don’t have to keep asking,” James said, his tone firm but not unkind. “Look, today isn’t a great day for me. It won’t ever be. But I’m doing okay. You guys don’t really have to babysit me.”
Sirius snorted, shaking his head. “We’re not babysitting you, mate. We’re just… keeping you company. There’s a difference.” His tone was light, but the sincerity in his expression betrayed the weight he carried for his friend. “Marls will join us later. She had to swing by St. Mungus for work. I reckon Moony will pop by after work."
James was about to protest when Pixie interrupted, setting a plate in front of them, a spread of food far more elaborate than usual. James’s gaze flicked to the table, his heart warming at the small, thoughtful gesture. There were pancakes stacked high, scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, fresh fruit, and even a pot of tea steaming at the centre. It was clear Pixie had gone out of her way, no doubt because of the date.
“Wow, Pixie,” James said, his voice thick with gratitude as he forced a smile. “You’ve outdone yourself.”
Pixie waved him off with a grin. “Pixie knows what Master James needs during a sad day.”
James smiled gently, leaning to grab a slice of crispy bacon. “Totally unnecessary,” he said through a mouthful, “but deeply appreciated.” Harry slowly looked up, still pressing against his father’s chest. “Want some, Snitch?” James asked, offering a piece of bacon to his son, who took it gladly, chewing happily. “There you go, love,” James smiled, pressing his lips to Harry’s forehead, James’s lips brushing against Harry’s scar briefly.
Sirius smiled at the scene, grabbing some pancakes for himself. “So, me and Marls were thinking,” he started through a mouthful of food, “Do you want to go to stop by Godric’s Hollow today?” he asked carefully.
James’s expression hardened instantly. He had thought about it—going back to his old home, visiting the graveyard, leaving flowers for Lily. The idea had crossed his mind countless times, but the reality of it felt insurmountable.
“I’m not taking Harry there. That’s a non-topic,” he finally said, his tone firm, his gaze dropping to his plate.
“No, I know,” Sirius said quickly, holding up his hands. “I wasn’t suggesting that. I was thinking I could go with you, and Marlene could stay with Harry.” His voice was gentle but unwavering as he watched James’s reaction closely.
James was quiet for a moment, his jaw tightening as he considered the suggestion. Going to Godric’s Hollow wouldn’t be easy—nothing about it would. The memories waiting there felt like ghosts, ready to overwhelm him. But maybe going with Sirius or Marlene would make it… bearable.
"You know how Harry is when he’s not with me or you," James said at last. After Lily died, Harry had lived with James and Sirius for nearly three months. They were his safe harbour. Though Marlene had been there a lot, she hadn’t rocked Harry to sleep every single night when he cried for his mum. James had. Sirius had, too.
"I think it’s getting better," Sirius offered, his voice cautious but hopeful. "I mean, he does love her when we’re in the room. I’m sure if we go out discreetly, it’ll be fine. Plus, he needs to get used to it."
James nodded, looking down at Harry, who had now fully turned to the table and was quietly munching on a bit of toast while his greasy hand held a strip of bacon. Sirius was right. Harry needed to become a bit more independent. Sirius leaned forward, his expression soft but firm. “I think it would do us both some good, James. Marlene went there yesterday. Harry’s going to be okay with his godmother. Taking the time to remember Lily… that’s part of healing too.”
James let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of the words. For a brief moment, he allowed himself to imagine what it might be like to visit Godric’s Hollow again—to stand at Lily’s grave, leave her flowers, and say the things he couldn’t bring himself to say for the past year. But that also meant facing the deep, raw ache that would undoubtedly come with it.
“You win,” he said quietly, forcing a soft smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “But we keep it short, Sirius. I need to get back to him as soon as I can.”
Sirius smiled, nodding at his best friend with a look of understanding. “Agreed,” he said, clapping James lightly on the shoulder. “Marls can stay with Harry at our place, and we can join them both afterwards for dinner. Take the rest of the night easy, yeah?”
James nodded at his best friend. “Sounds like a plan,” he said, placing a small kiss on Harry’s cheek. “Now,” James started, his tone shifting to something lighter, more cheerful. “We have to go and give Mister Grumpy Pants a bath and clean all the syrup and bacon grease off his face,” he added with a grin, watching Harry as he finished his last bite of toast.
Harry looked up at his father, his eyes wide and innocent. “No bath, Daddy,” he protested, holding his sticky hands up in a defensive gesture.
James chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh, yes, bath,” he said, gently lifting Harry from his seat. “It’s bath time, buddy. You’ll feel better after, I promise.”
Sirius, who had been watching with an amused grin, raised his mug of coffee in a mock salute. “Good luck, Prongs. You’re going to need it,” he teased, clearly enjoying the way James now had his hands full with a toddler who was determined to avoid all water at any cost.
“Oh no, Padfoot. You don’t get to come to my house, eat my food, and then sit back, sipping your coffee while my two-year-old dodges water like it’s a hex,” James said, standing up and giving Sirius a playful shove. “You, my friend, are going to go help me while your godson tests my limits.”
Sirius laughed, stumbling slightly as James nudged him toward the stairs. “Alright, alright. Fair enough, I’m coming,” Sirius relented, turning to look at Harry, who was clinging to his father’s arms. Without hesitation, he scooped Harry up before he could protest. “Alright, Prongslet, show me what you’ve got,” he said with a grin, bouncing Harry in his arms.
Harry whimpered in protest, clearly not amused with the whole situation. “No bath,” he whined, but Sirius, undeterred, continued his playful bouncing.
James, moving quickly as he mounted the stairs two at a time, glanced over his shoulder at his son. “Pads, just get his clothes off and bring him to me,” he said, already stepping into Harry’s ensuite bathroom. “I’ll get the water ready.”
Sirius, still holding Harry with ease, sighed dramatically as they reached the top of the stairs. “You owe me big for this, Prongs,” he muttered, but there was no mistaking the affection in his tone. “Alright, little one, you’re up.”
Sirius laid Harry on the changing table. It was all the toddler needed to burst into loud tears. “Want Hawy’s dada,” Harry cried. Sirius easily stripped Harry down, gently allowing him to sit up on the table. “Bud, look at me,” he said, tilting Harry’s chin to look at him gently. “This is a non-negotiable. You are stinky. Let’s go in and I’ll do some colourful bubbles with my wand, okay?” he asked. Harry’s sobs quieted, his shoulders bobbing. It was all Sirius needed to scoop him up and walk towards the bathroom. “That’s a good boy. We’ve taken some baths before, right? You love to play in the tub, Harry,” he reasoned as he walked to the bathroom where James was crouching down by the tub as it filled with warm water.
James looked up, a smile on his face. “There’s my Snitch,” he cooed. "It’s not so bad, Harry. We’ll make it quick, buddy, I promise.”
Harry looked uncertain, casting a glance at the tub, before turning his attention back to Sirius.
“You are a bit of a drama queen, aren—” Sirius’s sentence was abruptly cut off as he felt a warm stream of water slide down from his hip. “What the fuck?” he cursed, looking down in horror before the realization hit him. Harry had just peed all over him. “Prongs, mate, your kid just peed on me!” Sirius protested, holding Harry at arm’s length as though he’d just been handed a live dragon.
James’s bark of laughter filled the bathroom. “I told you, Pads! He’s keen on testing everyone's limits,” James managed between chuckles, watching as Sirius looked both bewildered and slightly horrified at the situation.
“Well, he has just found mine,” Sirius said, setting Harry down on the floor. The toddler looked to his dad, confused, a small giggle escaping his lips as he saw James laughing. "Why the hell haven’t you potty trained him yet?"
James wiped a tear from his eye, still grinning. “You think I don’t try? He’s stubborn, Pads. Just like his godfather.” He shot Sirius a cheeky grin. “There were a few development setbacks. He’ll get there when he’s ready, though.” James commented as he scooped Harry up and gently dropped him into the bath.
Harry squealed as the warm water splashed around him, his tiny hands immediately beginning to splash with glee. “Water!” he giggled, kicking his legs excitedly.
Sirius sighed, watching the scene unfold. “Well, I’m glad I could get a laugh out of you today. Already worth the trip,” he added sincerely, leaning against the doorframe. “No, don’t worry, I’m going to raid your closet. I’ll hopefully find something other than a jumper and jeans to wear,” Sirius said as he headed toward James’s room.
The rest of the morning went by uneventfully. James and Sirius got Harry ready for the day, and the toddler perked up at the prospect of a morning with his father and godfather. They settled in the garden, a warming charm keeping them from the October cold. Harry, riding his play broom, giggled with joy as he zoomed around, pretending to chase after imaginary foes, his little legs kicking in the air as though he were flying at full speed.
James and Sirius hopped on their brooms, grinning at each other with mischievous gleams in their eyes. “Ready for a game, Pads?” James called, lifting off the ground with a smooth motion. His broom swooped in the air, and for a moment, the weight of everything else faded as the familiar thrill of flying took over.
Sirius rolled his eyes. He had been uninterested in Quidditch ever since he could remember. Despite growing up with Regulus and James, both of whom had rivalled each other in their levels of fanaticism for the sport, Sirius had remained uninterested. James usually teased him, saying Sirius thought himself to be too cool for sports. It was partially true, Sirius thought. Though, for his Godson, he would hop on that Merlin-forsaken broom and zoom around like an idiot.
By early afternoon, Marlene found the three of them still in the garden. "Don't tell me you've spent all day playing Quidditch," she called, getting all three boys' attention. Harry perked up, looking at his godmother. "Aunty Marly!" he squealed, trying to dismantle his broom.
James swooped down, flying near his son to help him hop off his play broom. “Careful, little one,” he said gently, holding Harry steady as the toddler tried to wriggle free.
Harry ran to Marlene, his small feet pattering across the grass as he rushed into her arms. Marlene crouched down, her face lighting up with a warm smile as she opened her arms wide.
"My baby!" she cooed, scooping him up and showering him with kisses, making Harry giggle uncontrollably. His tiny hands reached up to touch her face, returning her affection as best as he could.
Sirius, now walking over to Marlene, threw his hands up dramatically. "My saviour!" he teased, giving her a playful grin. He kissed the top of her head and then wrapped one arm around her in a loose hug. "These two have made me play Quidditch for hours," he continued, his voice full of mock complaint. "After breakfast, after lunch, after Harry's nap…"
James chuckled, stepping in beside Marlene and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Sirius is exaggerating,” he said, laughing softly. “We only played Quidditch for half the day.”
Marlene laughed her attention still on Harry "Well, I am sure all this Quidditch has left all my boys quite hungry, huh? It smells like Pixie was baking something in the kitchen so maybe we can go and see if there is some chocolate cake for us?" she said, raising her eyebrow at the toddler in her arms. .
Harry's eyes widened at the mention of cake, and a big grin spread across his face. "Cake!" he squealed, his little hands clapping together in delight. "Cake, Aunty Marly, come!" he said, trying to squirm out of her arms.
Marlene settled him down as he bolted toward the kitchen. Sirius chuckled at his godson. "I'll race you to it, prongslet!" he said, before quickly following Harry’s trail.
Marlene's gaze shifted to James as Sirius and Harry disappeared into the house. She wrapped one arm around him, leaning into his chest. James and Marlene had grown up together. The McKinnons had lived next to the Potters, and both families had done everything together. James and Marlene had been inseparable for as long as they could remember. When Marlene and Sirius had started dating, James had been ecstatic: their two best friends, happy together.
"How are you holding up?" she asked softly.
James shifted uncomfortably, his eyes momentarily drifting toward the kitchen, where the sounds of Harry’s excited giggles and Sirius’ teasing filled the air. Marlene didn’t press further, but her steady gaze told him she wasn’t going anywhere—that she was there for him when he was ready to talk. He sighed deeply, finally meeting her eyes.
"Seems like everyone’s been asking me that today," he muttered, his arm wrapping around Marlene. "I am okay, I guess. Today is a particularly hard day... Fuck, Marls. It's been a year. How can she be gone for a year now?" James' hand pressed against his eyes, fighting back the tears.
Marlene shifted so she could wrap her arms around James, pulling him into a tight embrace. Her hands rubbed his back in a soothing, rhythmic motion, grounding him as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. The warmth of her comfort wrapped around him like a shield, softening the sharp edges of the grief he had been carrying for so long. In this moment, there was no need for words—just her presence, a quiet reminder that he wasn’t alone in his pain.
“I don’t know, James,” Marlene finally whispered, her voice soft but steady. “Time doesn’t make sense sometimes, does it? It’s been a year and it feels both like a heartbeat and a lifetime.”
James swallowed hard, the weight of the words settling deep in his chest. He could still remember that night like it was yesterday—waking up to a silent house, the memories coming back to him, the realisation that Voldemort had spared him, the dread that his family was all dead, walking into the crib, his heart stopping at the sight of Lily, and then being brought back to live as he realised Harry was alive. The world had shifted that day. Nothing had felt the same since.
“Sometimes, I don’t know how to keep doing this, Marls,” he confessed, his voice cracking with the weight of his grief. “It’s like I’m just going through the motions. For Harry… but some days, like today… I feel like I’m barely alive.” The words tumbled out before he could stop them, raw and unfiltered. His throat tightened, and he fought back the tears that threatened to escape.
Marlene didn’t let go, her hold tightening around James. She pulled back slightly, lifting her hand to gently cup his cheek, her eyes soft with understanding. “I know,” she whispered, “Today’s bound to feel harder, James. And that’s okay.” A small smile tugged at her lips. “That’s why I’m here. That’s why your stupid best friend woke me up at five a.m., saying he needed to be here when you woke up.”
James couldn’t help but chuckle softly, the sound shaky but genuine. The absurdity of Sirius’ early morning antics was a small comfort amidst the heaviness of the day. “We’re all in this together,” Marlene continued, her eyes locking with his. “You are not alone.”
James nodded at Marlene’s words. “I know” he whispered, wiping a small tear off his cheek, forcing a smile on his face. “Sirius convinced me to go with him to Godric’s Hollow today. I think it will do me good” James mentioned breaking off the embrace as he took his hand in hers walking towards the house. “Thank you for minding Harry while we are away”
Marlene followed his lead, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as they made their way into the house and towards the kitchen. “No problem. That’s what a Godmother is for” she said, leaning to give him a peck on the cheek as they walked into the kitchen to find Harry smashing a bit of cake onto Sirius’s face as they both giggled.
Marlene laughed softly at the scene in front of them. Sirius, sitting cross-legged on the floor, had a mischievous grin on his face as Harry clumsily grabbed another handful of cake, clearly aiming for a repeat performance.
“You two are impossible,” Marlene teased, stepping into the kitchen. She gently plucked Harry from Sirius’s lap, earning a mock protest from the latter.
“Oi! We were bonding,” Sirius exclaimed, though the playful glint in his eyes betrayed his feigned indignation.
“Bonding or teaching bad habits?” Marlene shot back with a smirk, wiping some frosting off Harry’s chubby cheeks, the toddler happily munching on the piece of cake.
James chuckled, the lightness of the moment easing some of the tension in his chest. “Alright, Padfoot, time to go before you give Harry more bad ideas.”. It was time to head to Godric's Hollow. Now before he lost the strength to do it.