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There had been only one dress to wear, of course. The style was a little out of date now, but Ferdinand had been right. It was the exact blue of Arabel’s eyes, a color she hadn’t worn since his death because it’d been too painful to wear the color he’d loved her in best. Today, though, she thought she’d need the strength that color had always brought her. She gave her reflection a wistful little smile as she fixed her hair. “I will always, always love you, darling. None of this will ever change that.” But then, she knew that wherever he was, he already understood that. Ferdinand would not have wanted her to be unhappy. She would carry his memory as a shield and not a shackle.
Arabel found Hamin staring out over the harbor with the intentness he always gave a fine ship when he traveled along with it in spirit as it headed for distant shores. It was hard not to be flattered by the rapidity with which he noticed her as she sat down beside him and the immediate light that came to his eyes. This was a man who adored her with everything he had. How had she been so lucky as to find it twice?
“Glitter! What are you doing here?”
She fiddled with the strings of her reticule, eyes smiling up at him through her lashes. “Tracking down a pirate, what else?”
“Ah, now the question becomes what are you going to do with him now that you have found one.” He leaned back, clearly stretching out with a consciousness of her nearness to present the lines of his body in the most flattering way possible.
She gave a short laugh before lapsing into silence. “You said something to me last week. You asked if I knew what it was like to have the love of your life die and know it was your own fault.” Beside her, she saw his face twist in pain as he opened his mouth to interject, but she merely held up a hand and shook her head. She needed to say this all at once or she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to say it at all. “It wasn’t the time, but I needed to tell you that I do understand because… It happened to me, too.”
“Your husband? Glitter… I didn’t think… Everyone said it wasn’t a love match, and I don’t see how it could be your fault because no matter what anyone else says, I know you didn’t kill him.”
Another quick laugh. “The Baron? No, you’re right. I did love him, but not like that. Oh, I don’t know how to explain this. Which is why I brought this for you.” She reached into her bag and pulled out the letter, handing it to Hamin with the same gingerliness she might have used if she were to hand him her very soul. “I can’t allow you to keep this. It’s too important. But… I want you to read it. Because I want you to understand.” He nodded and took it from her, removing it carefully from the envelope and reading the words she could have recited by heart.
My dear Arabel,
Is it conceited of me that my heart skipped a beat when I saw you wearing that blue dress today because I knew without a doubt that you’d worn it for me?
You will be mad at me, my dearest. I am doing something you told me not to do. But you see, even if you don't care what people say about you, I do. I don't like anyone thinking poorly of you.
But I promise you, I will come back. Because I know I would make you sad if I did not, and your smile is too great a treasure for the world to lose. Belle, I would never do anything that might make you sad. You are, now and forever, my heart. Nothing changes that.
Yours,
Ferdinand
Hamin read the letter once, twice, before turning his eyes to Arabel. "He broke his promise?"
She nodded. "He was the baron's son. Oh, he had a smile that made me dizzy. I had been in love with him since I was 10, and then, he fought in that duel for my honor just a few months before we were to be married, and he was gone. It didn't seem possible because he was the most alive person I knew. How could he be dead?
"At the same time, the thought of allowing myself to despair was equally abhorrent. Because he had loved life so much. And he had loved me so much. And if I didn't remember him alive, if I only remembered him dead, I thought it might kill me.
"The baron saw all this. He saw the way that my sisters cried and pitied me and how it was tearing me apart. So, he offered to let me live with him so we could cherish his son's memory together. I was his daughter in both our eyes, but society required that I marry him if I was going to live with him. I didn't mind. It wasn't a great sacrifice because I didn't think there was a day when my heart might live again.
"But you see that it lives still."
Hamin rested a hand over hers, "It wasn't your fault, Arabel."
"I know. Just like it wasn't yours that Zachariah died."
He turned away from her with the slightest smile on his lips. "You know, if you keep telling me that, Glitter, I feel like someday I might believe you."
"Good. Because I speak the truth."
Neither of them spoke further, but Arabel turned her hand to interlace her fingers with his and he rested his head on her shoulder.
They were neither one of them their first loves, but with any luck, they might be their last.