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“How much do you think Derek would kill me if I made him an online dating profile?” Erica asked. She was lying on her stomach in Boyd’s living room, laptop in front of her. Boyd and Isaac were on the couch. They were playing Mario Kart on Boyd’s piece-of-junk Gamecube. They had been rotating who was playing, but Erica kept destroying them so she decided to sit out a few rounds.
“Yes,” Boyd answered. He continued pressing buttons on the controller.
“It wasn’t a yes or no question.”
“A lot,” Isaac replied.
“Okay, that’s better.” Erica looked back at up them. “But come on, Derek needs a date more than any of us. Like, have you ever seen someone more lonely in your life? Honestly.”
“Uh, yes,” Boyd said. “Me before we came pack. Now can you please be-” His car slipped on a banana, and he sighed. “Quiet.”
“Okay, whatever. The point is, we’ve known Derek for four years now. Not once have we seen him go on a date or talk about a special someone. That’s too long. We may all be romantic failures, but we all had things going on at least!”
The race ended. Isaac put down his controller on the coffee table. “I’m not a romantic failure,” he huffed.
“Long, unrequited crush on Scott McCall that eventually ended in a teary confession, rejection, a desperate attempt to get drunk, and making out, then crying on Danny at the Jungle...honey, I’m not sure what you call romantic success, but that’s not it.”
“Wow, Erica, that wasn’t horribly mean or anything,” said Boyd.
“Hey, I’m not making fun of him. We’re failures too! What was even the fight that broke us up about anyway? Where to get pizza?”
“I mean, the underlying issue was that you’re way too stubborn and unreasonable and dramatic, but okay...if you want to say it was about pizza...”
She glared at Boyd. “I think we’re going off on a tangent here.”
“And anyway, things are looking very promising between Lydia and I,” he added.
“Oh, fine, whatever. I’m the romantic failure. I’m the sole romantic failure. That wasn’t even the point. The point is...Derek. A lady. Getting him one. Let’s do it.”
Boyd rolled his eyes. “First, he’s never even shown any interest. We don’t know if that’s something he wants. And if it is something he wants, we’d have no idea what type of person he’d want. And secondly, do you really want to inflict him on some helpless lady?”
“Not that we don’t love him,” Isaac added. “But Boyd has a point.”
“Come on, Derek isn’t that much to handle.”
They both stared at her incredulously.
“Not if he behaves! Anyway, don’t underestimate how much nonsense people can put up with for abs like that.”
Isaac made a gagging noise, and Boyd laughed.
“I’m just saying, from an objective point of view-”
Boyd laughed harder. “It’s okay, Erica. We’re not together. You don’t have to deny your little crush on Derek anymore.”
Erica crossed her arms. “I do not have a crush on Derek. Eww.”
“You’ve never thought about him that way? Ever?” Isaac asked.
“Well....I don’t think that’s relevant.”
Boyd’s smile was smug. “I think we’ve caught her red-handed.”
Erica scowled. “Oh wow, sue me for being sixteen and being a tiny bit attracted to a hot, brooding, older werewolf.”
“So you’ve only thought about it when you were sixteen, then?” Boyd said, smirking.
“Shut up.”
“I’m just asking,” he said very innocently.
“Shut up, and keep playing Mario Kart.” Erica turned back towards her laptop. Boyd and Isaac grabbed their controllers. “And by the way,” she added, “it’s not like it would ever matter if I had a crush on Derek considering how obvious--and painful--he made his disinterest.”
Boyd and Isaac rolled their eyes in unison and continued playing.
--
The whole pack--Derek, Boyd, Erica, Isaac, and Jackson (Scott was still rejecting Derek at every turn)--was together, a rarity since Jackson had gone away to a fancy liberal arts college on the East Coast. Boyd had a scholarship at a college an hour or so away, and he made the commute everyday because he couldn’t afford to live on campus. Isaac and Erica were both still trying to figure out what they wanted to do. That meant Isaac spent a lot of his time at Deaton’s cuddling with puppies and asking Scott about his community college classes. Erica had a job that she hated at McDonald’s where she had to smile and act accommodating towards a bunch of Beacon Hill High kids she despised and where way too many customers tried to slip her their phone number on napkins.
Jackson and Lydia were in one of their breakup stages, though Erica doubted that would last very long. Still, Erica was planning on enjoying it while she could. Jackson was a jerk but a fantastic kisser, and there was something that made her feel just a bit more powerful every time Jackson, a shining example of who she never could’ve had before the bite, wanted her, longed after her...even if, at the end of the day, he would always love Lydia.
She was sitting on his lap in Derek’s tiny apartment.
Derek squinted his eyes suspiciously in their direction as he brought out five bags of chips and tossed them onto the ground. “Will this satisfy?” he asked dryly.
“Yes!” Isaac exclaimed and ravenously tore open one of the bags with his teeth.
“So what’s this meeting about again?” Jackson said, looking at his expensive watch.
“This meeting is about catching up,” Derek answered.
“So it’s about me?”
Derek sighed. “As much as I would love to call you out on that usually wrong and totally narcissistic assumption, yes. Yes it is. When one member of the pack is gone for long periods of time, you have to be sure that they’re still included, that the bonds are still in tact.”
“Should I take this as you trying to be sweet?”
“Take this as me being concerned about survival,” he answered with a snarl. “Only a cohesive pack survives.”
“Well, I’m meeting up with Lydia in an hour so I don’t have much time to bond and howl at the moon.”
Boyd cringed across the room. He had been working up to ask Lydia on a date. He thought they were finally broken up for real this time.
Erica tried not to show any emotion as she said, “You’re meeting with Lydia in an hour?” But there was an emotion, and it was rage, because Jackson had called her before the meeting and asked her to come over and they had gone a little further than their usual impassioned, irritated make-out sessions.
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “She wants to know how school’s going.”
“Meaning there’s about a 99% chance of you guys getting back together...today?”
Boyd and Isaac both exchanged apprehensive looks. Derek, even, looked a bit scared.
“You never know with Lydia. She might just be wanting to rub it in, about whatever loser she’s dating in college.”
“And so you calling me was...what? Ammunition?” She jumped off of his lap and paced to the other side of the room.
“Can we not do this here?” Derek asked, but he went ignored.
“Are you seriously mad at me? Erica, it’s not like that. It’s just...I was stressed, and...it’s not like you really have feelings for me either.”
“Seriously, can we not do this here?”
Erica didn’t ignore Derek this time; she just glanced at him and saw that he looked like he was on the verge of being sick. She rolled her eyes. Did he really infantalize her that badly? She turned back towards Jackson.
“Sorry if I don’t like the idea of hooking up with you the same day you’re getting back with your girlfriend. It’s gross. And you’re right, I don’t like you. And I really don’t see why Lydia puts up with you. Seriously, what is it that makes her keep coming back? Because I don’t see it.”
He smirked. “Maybe it’s the same thing that has you running over whenever I call.”
Erica growled. “Want to say that to me when I have the fangs out?”
He repeated the words--slowly, nastily. And she launched herself at him, transformed. He changed too and was fending her off. Derek, meanwhile, groaned to himself and said, “This isn’t how I pictured us training.”
Boyd and Isaac rushed in to break up the pair, Isaac pulling back Jackson and Boyd pulling back Erica. She was breathing frantically as she changed back, resting against Boyd’s rock of a chest.
Jackson was still struggling in Isaac’s arms after he had turned back. “Let go. I’m getting out of here.” Isaac released him, and Jackson headed towards the door. He stopped, looked over his shoulder right at Erica, and said, “You know what? You may have gotten the bite, but you know what I think? Underneath it all you’re still that dweeby girl who dreamed of getting with a guy like me. Don’t hate me for that.”
“Delete my number from your phone because, trust me, I am never going to come running ever, ever again, unless that run is ending with my foot kicking in that pretty little face of yours.” She remembered as soon as the words were out that Jackson had werewolf healing too, but whatever, she had made her point.
Jackson stormed out the door. Erica took a deep breath and swiped at her eyes which had gotten watery enough to make her mascara run. She groaned. As if she wasn’t humiliated enough.
“Well,” Isaac said, “so much for pack unity.”
Erica looked over at Derek. She was waiting for a lecture or instructions to go reconcile, maybe a glare that could melt her face right off. But he only looked sympathetic.
“Erica, are you alright?”
She nodded.
“Good. Then why don’t we just--uh, carry on as if nothing happened? If that’s alright with you...or we could, uh, talk about it?”
Erica laughed. “No, no talking about it. It’s fine. I’ll just go to the bathroom and I’ll be right back.”
Erica passed by Derek, and he gave her this shoulder squeeze that somehow actually made her feel a little better, even though he looked awkward and flustered when she returned eye contact. She knew that those little things were big deals coming from Derek. When she first got the bite, she thought she and Isaac and Boyd were nuisances to Derek more than anything, but now she understood just how much he cared about them. He had his own little language of showing it that would probably go undetected by most people, but she was pretty fluent in it now.
In the bathroom, she washed the running mascara from her face and thought about where she was going to go from here. She was never, ever touching Jackson again, that was for sure. Erica was pretty sure what she actually wanted was something like she had with Boyd--a relationship, one with hand holding and actually caring about the other person. She sighed. But of course she had been too much for Boyd. Of course he had gotten tired of her. That made her eyes start watering again. She grabbed some toilet paper and rubbed at them.
The big benefit of the bite had been that it made her feel less insecure, but the bite--having beautiful everything--certainly didn’t assure her that someone might one day love her. Suddenly she felt more insecure than she had in years. And also a bit nauseous.
When she went back into the living room, Derek tossed her the bag of barbecue potato chips. They were her favorite. "Thanks." She smiled as she plopped onto the couch besides Isaac, who put his arm around her and squeezed. She started eating the chips.
Derek stretched from his chair on the opposite side of the room. “I guess I don’t have to catch up with you three...since you’re always here.”
Erica suddenly got a great idea. “Maybe we need to catch up with you.”
“With me?”
“Yes, like...any-um...” Okay, asking Derek about his love life seemed like a better idea before she actually had to do it. “Do you like my hair?”
“What?” Derek said.
Both Isaac and Boyd were staring at her, confused.
“I mean, would it look better if I dyed it? Like, redheads, blondes, brunettes...which are more attractive to you, generally?”
“Uh, I think you’re a little emotional right now, Erica. I don’t know if I would make any hair decisions...or any decisions...right now.”
“I’m completely in control of myself emotionally. And I’m not going to dye my hair. I just meant, theoretically. Like, Boyd, I know you like blondes, right? And Isaac likes...what would you call Scott? A brunette? And so you like-”
Derek looked around the room as if somebody or something would appear to help him and get out of this conversation.
“Hair is hair,” he finally answered.
“As if you don’t care about hair. Look at yours!” Erica exclaimed.
“Your hair is fine,” he said.
Erica sighed. She would have to try a different tactic. “You know what we should play? That game ‘Would You Rather’--you know, where you just ask people ‘Would you rather?’ statements.”
“Um-Erica, is something going on?” Derek asked.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. I’ll start. Derek, would you rather date someone who is...um, neat, or someone is messy?”
“What?”
“Erica, no,” Boyd said.
“Or, okay, we can do a different question. Would you rather date a girl who was into outdoorsy adventures or who was more of a bookworm?”
“Again--what?”
“Just ignore her. She’ll stop,” Boyd said.
Erica scowled at him. Then, to Derek, she said, “I don’t know. Just trying to get to know you better! You’ve never mentioned what your type is so I just thought it would be, uh, interesting to know.”
“I don’t have a type,” he answered. He was so uncomfortable that he actually squirmed.
“Okay, but there must be qualities you look for-”
“I don’t look for anything. I’m not looking for anyone,” he asserted.
“We told you, Erica,” Isaac said.
She looked at Derek skeptically. If he really wasn’t interested in being in a relationship, she figured he wouldn’t be so nervous. He had almost answered her too forcefully. Thankfully, she was a werewolf, and so she knew just the way to deal with this.
“So you aren’t at all interested in dating?”
“Dating who?” he asked which actually surprised her.
“I don’t know--anyone.”
“No,” he answered firmly.
But Erica heard the hitch in his heartbeat. Derek was lying. He was interested, but the poor thing probably had no idea how to go about it. He struggled enough emotionally with the whole friendship concept that the idea of pursuing romance had to have been daunting to him. Over the years, Erica had also pieced together that there had been some very toxic relationship in his past with Kate Argent. She was sure that didn’t help matters.
But she would help.
All Derek had was the pack, and eventually that wouldn’t be enough for him. If he was anything like her, he was wanting more.
“Oh, okay, forget I asked.”
Boyd changed the subject to the next full moon and Erica got busy thinking about the Derek Hale dating profile she was going to make when she got home.
--
The Derek Hale profile was set up. She had used a picture she had taken of Derek and Boyd in the woods on her cell phone, though she had cropped Boyd out. It wasn’t the best shot ever, but enough for anyone to tell that Derek was absolutely gorgeous. She had to improvise for most of the questions, but she thought, even if her answers weren’t all factually accurate, that they did a good job of capturing Derek’s various tones--harsh, snarky, exasperated, punctuated and emotionally stunted. She wanted to find a woman who didn’t scare easily, after all.
“Perfect,” she said and smiled at her screen. “I would definitely message this person.”
“Oh, would you?”
Erica shrieked. She turned around in her computer chair, grabbed a pillow from her bed, and threw it at Derek’s head. He was standing by her window.
“You know I hate when you do that! How long have you even been here?”
“You have to work on sharpening your senses, or you would’ve noticed sooner. Also, long enough.”
She quickly exited out of Chrome.
“Too late. Delete that thing right now.”
Erica groaned. “They told you, didn’t they? After I left?”
“You were acting weird, and well, I--I can be very persuasive. Delete it now.”
“But Derek, you deserve to have some fun and not just deal with us and our drama.”
He kept staring at her expectantly.
“No, you don’t even just deserve to have some fun, Derek. You deserve to have someone who loves you. You deserve that. And I just--I wanted to help. Please don’t delete it. Give it a chance, alright?”
He shook his head. “I can’t even believe you. How did you come up with such a stupid idea?”
“Why is it stupid?”
“Because--because it is!” he exclaimed.
“Because why?”
“Because I’m me.”
“What does that mean?”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t psychoanalyze me, Erica.”
“I’m not. I genuinely want to know. Why is it such a stupid idea? Yeah, maybe making the profile behind your back was. But...the idea of you dating isn’t. There are plenty of people who would want to date you, and you can’t tell me that there’s not at least one girl in the world who you’d actually want to put up with on a regular basis-”
Erica was surprised to see his expression had softened.
“Come on, you’re thinking about it now," she said. "You know it’s a good idea.”
“There is one girl,” he said with a sad smile. “But I already put up with her on a regular basis.”
“You know that’s not what I meant. I meant, there has to be one girl in the world who would be worth dating.”
“I know what you meant.”
“And you’re ignoring it, okay, I get it, but seriously-”
“No, Erica, you don’t.” There was a surprising sadness to his words. He sat down on the edge of her bed. He wasn’t looking at her.
Erica felt nervous in a way she never got around guys...in a way she never got around Derek anymore. She had to be misunderstanding. He couldn’t possibly mean what she thought she meant.
“Can you--uh--what?”
He sighed. “I didn’t want to tell you now. I didn’t want to tell you ever, actually. I wanted you to fall in love with someone and for me to get over it because that would be better for you but-”
“You don’t mean it. Since when? Why? Wait, are you getting back at me for making a profile? Are you teaching me a lesson because this is really, really unorthodox Alpha methods right now, I’m guessing, not that I’ve had another Alpha but-”
“Erica, reject me, and we can both pretend this didn’t happen.”
“Derek, I can’t do that when I can’t even believe what you’re saying!”
Derek stood up and headed towards the door. “I should go. Just delete that, okay?”
She stood, too, and grabbed him by the arm. “You’re really not joking?”
“Why would I be joking?”
“I don’t know. I just--me?”
“Who else would it be?”
“Anybody else. In the world. I don’t know.”
“Erica, you’re...I’m not good at this kind of stuff. But, well nobody makes me laugh the way you do.”
“Nobody makes you laugh at all.”
He laughed. Then his face was serious again, and a bunch of words came tumbling out--maybe more words than she had ever heard Derek say at once. “You’re, I don't know, gutsy and reckless and loud, and you want to experience anything and everything, and you’re hopeful, still, hopeful about what life can hold and who you can be and...and that’s all just the whirlwind on the surface, that’s just the stuff you’re not afraid to let show. And I trust you. I trust you with my life. And that’s...well, after everything I’ve been through...that’s almost an impossible thing to find.”
“You--you really mean it. You really...you want to be with me.”
He wasn’t looking at her again. “I don’t want to want to. It’s a bad idea. You and Jackson...whatever-ing, that had an impact on the pack, and with me it would be even worse. I’m your Alpha. Not to mention I’m too old for you. And too messed up.”
“Unless...unless it worked.”
“What?”
“It wouldn’t hurt the pack--if it worked.”
“I guess not,” he said, as if he hadn’t ever thought of that possibility. “But that would require you thinking of me as more than Derek, your annoying buzzkill Alpha.”
Erica, who was still holding his arm, pulled him a bit closer to her. She was surprised that he didn’t back away, but let himself come closer.
“I’ve never thought of you as my annoying buzzkill Alpha.”
He looked at her skeptically.
“Well, only occasionally.”
“Are you saying that you--”
“Yes. I mean, I never thought that you would ever--it was always just in the back of my mind but I thought it was impossible--but yes.”
He smiled, and it was one of the brightest, most childlike smiles she had ever seen on Derek’s face. It filled her with so much warmth, just to see him smile, and Erica was pretty sure that said something--something she had been trying her best to ignore the past four years.
“I know I’m probably going to regret this but-”
“Oh, Derek, I don’t want to hear it.” She went in to kiss him, then paused close to his face. “Let’s not make this like the last time, shall we?”
He held her gaze intensely. “I promise.”
And then they were both moving in and then it was happening. She was kissing Derek Hale when just a few minutes ago she was ready to promote him and his kissable lips to the world. As she was grabbing onto his hair, she was thinking how incredibly stupid that was. How could she even have thought of it? He was hers. Maybe even before this he was hers. Maybe he was supposed to be hers. She normally would’ve been disgusted by such a sentimental romantic thought, but she was too blissfully happy to berate herself.
His hand was resting against her cheek when they finally stopped. “Blonde and messy from the looks of your room,” he said breathily. “But don’t tell the internet that.”
“I’ll delete that right now.”
But she didn’t move. She couldn’t move. She was frozen in place with Derek’s hand on her cheek, and that was just fine by her.
“Just give me a few seconds,” she added. She was holding one of his hands now, playing with his fingers. “Or, you know, a lifetime. Wow, that was embarrassing. I’m never that embarrassing. Don’t tell anyone I said that.”
“By anyone do you mean Boyd and Isaac?” Derek smirked.
“Yes, I do have a reputation to maintain.”
His hand moved from her cheek to her hair. “I won’t tell. We’ll have to break it to them gently. I like your hair, by the way.” He kissed her hairline. “Your heartbeat,” he said in a pleased whisper.
He didn’t have to say anything else. She knew what he meant. Her heart was frantic. And as vulnerable as that made her feel, she was also pleased by it too.
“You’re much better at this than I thought,” Erica remarked. “Being romantic. No offense.”
“I’ve thought about this conversation a lot,” he admitted, “even if I never planned on it actually happening. Don’t set your expectations too high.”
“Too late. Now I’m having many visions of candlelit dinners and roses that you’ll just have to fulfill.”
“Ugh.”
“Kidding. Toss me a bag of barbecue potato chips, and I'm still a happy girl."
“Good. Now how about deleting that profile?”
She was tracing a line on a palm of his hand. She wasn’t sure why, other than the fact that she could. Oh, she loved that she could.
He rolled his eyes and said, “Let me just do it.”
He walked over to the computer and was looking for the “Delete” button on the page. Then he started reading the description. She cringed. This was not going to go over well.
He looked at her over his shoulder, brows furrowed together. “Looking for a woman who would not be put off by Alpha male tendencies, especially a man who might say ‘I’m the alpha’ when trying to get his own way...really, Erica?”
“You can’t deny that it’s accurate,” she said, smiling. “And look, you’ve found her! Not that I’ll always listen when you say it.”
“Hey, this doesn’t change that when it comes to pack business, I’m still the alpha. It’s very important that you understand that I’m still--”
She shook her head and chuckled. “Utterly predictable."
He blushed a little as he continued searching for the “Delete” button. Erica sat on the edge of her bed and thought about just how much of a lie that was. Today she was completely surprised by Derek, and she couldn't help but feel a little thrill about all the other surprises that still might be in store.