Work Text:
The sounds of emptiness every time he wakes up. Even when the sun is bright, the birds are singing in harmony. He felt nothing, it was just another day to pass through. The man sighs as he feels the coldness of the two person bed. His eyes are dark as he thinks of the man who was supposed to be his lover.
Lover. "Hah..." What dumb hypocrisy. That man didn't even love him,he only wanted his body. The man eyes darker even more. His chest hurt. He had to stop thinking of him. No,he needed to no matter what. It was useless thinking about him.
The hurt in his chest didn't go away even when he went out to check on the other Cavalry members.
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Despite Yuder bed making mostly bad memories for him. Yuder's bed had been where he truly connected to him.He couldn't help but try to sniff his scent once more.
He didn't know why he was doing this. It was pointless. So why....? Why? Why was he doing this every night? Kishiar was dead. So...just why? That man has hurt him so many times. Why did he yearn for him so much?
Yuder sighs in defect as he lays on his side of the bed. It was quite,it always was. But that man made the quietness not so lonely.
Loneliness. "Hah.." So that's what it was. His chest hurt once more.
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He look at himself in the mirror. The Commander Uniform. Made by the Duke himself. The commander Uniform was technically the same as Kishiar but it had it own feel to it.
The way the sleeves were just right.
The way it wasn't too tight or too big for Yuder.
The way it was handle with care.
It was handle with care.
Like he actually care for him. Yuder wanted to rip it off.
Kishiar did not care for him.
That was final.
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It was a new year.
Another year to live through.
Yuder heard the Cavalry members celebrating as a new unpredictable year would fall upon them, their yelling and running around could be heard even from the commander office.
He decide to go down even though party were not his go to. To just check on everyone, just for a moment. As he went down to the cafeteria, he could hear the drunkeness of the members.
Yuder hid in the shadows as he look at his fellow colleagues through the doorway. The laughter of them sharing drinks,telling jokes,eating more than they could handle. Yuder's eyes light up a bit looking at them, a slight smile appears on his face for just a moment.
Knowing that they would be alright without him, he walked away. But before he could a woman with long brown hair that was tied up, stopped him.
Ever beck.
They never really talk besides talking about work and their relationship was very professional despite her being Deputy Commander.
"Commander." She bowed down as she greeted him.
Yuder look at her with a neutral face."Yes?"
Ever face was hesitant as she stared speaking. "Would you like to join us, Commander?"
Yuder face shock a little at the question.
Yuder reputation at the Cavalry wasn't the best with rumors spreading around, especially the ones with Kishiar.
Why was she asking this? They aren't close at all. Did she want something from him...?
Yuder eyes darker at the thought.
Ever waiting for Yuder answer looked hesitate at him. "Commander?"
Yuder looked at her with dark eyes.
No. She is too loyal to the Cavalry. She wouldn't betrayed him. But...what if? What if the same thing that happened with Kishiar would happen again? He can't let that happen again. Depending on a person, trusting a person who will only abandoned him in the end. He can't.
"No, i will decline the offer. I was just about to go somewhere anyways" Yuder without listening to what Ever has to say next, he turns around and began to walk away from Ever.
As Ever watch the man walk away from her, a frown appears on her face as she clench her fist. She adjust her ponytail to be on the lower side as she turns around to where the party was ongoing without looking back.
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After the decline of Ever offer,Yuder goes back to the commander office. With clutch fist he quickly torn off the commander Uniform. He looked at himself in the mirror, scars all across his skin.
I remember when Kishiar kiss my scars on my back when we were.....
No.
He needed to stop.
Useless feelings.
Feeling that would only leave him in despair.
He stared at himself once more before sighing and going to sit on his bed. Suddenly he hears fireworks outside.
Boom
Then another
Boom
Yuder quietly stare at his hands.
Boom
Blood appears on them.
Boom.
I just wanted answers.
Boom.
I never wanted you to die.
I still...
Boom
Still...
Boom
Love you...