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Damien is happy, he has his dream job voice acting in anime and he's marrying his dream girl. He still can't believe Angela actually said yes to his proposal since he did it in full anime cosplay and asked if she would be the heart of his cards, when they first met she would've mocked him incessantly for being so nerdy but over the years she has come to love his geeky charms.
It's nearly the end of the shoot week at Smosh and once the day wraps Damien and Angela are set to leave for Santa Barbara to elope at the beautiful courthouse where Shayne & Court also got married.
The last shoot of the day is a special live episode of the Smosh Mouth podcast, Damien and Angela are guests to discuss memes. Just before the shoot starts Damien notices Angela looks unusually nervous. He chalks it up to pre wedding jitters but still feels like he should check in, "Hey Ang you OK? You look kind of rough", Damien really wishes he worded that better but he maintains a comforting face. Angela meets his gaze, which is still somewhat uncomfortable for both neurodivergents despite dating for 2 years at this point, "I'm fine baby, probably just a mix of nerves and excitement for tomorrow, I'll be alright", she smiles and holds his hand in hers. Damien gently kisses Angela's soft lips as Shayne and Amanda prepare to go live.
"Hello and welcome to a very special live edition of Smosh Mouth, I'm Shayne," "and I'm Amanda and we have two very special guests with us today, the future Mr and Mrs Haas Damien and Angela". Damien and Angela had considered keeping their relationship totally secret until hard launching the wedding like Shayne and Courtney had the year before but they didn't want to just copy their friends and they were too excited to keep a lid on it for so long so they went public with the engagement photos instead. "Hey guys thanks for having us it's great to be here on our last night before the rest of our lives", Damien knows that's such a cheesy thing to say but he doesn't care, after years of dating struggles he finally found the One and he'd shout it from the rooftops if he could. Angela still isn't 100% used to being in such a loving relationship after her previous relationship with Mariah ended on very bad terms and she lost her best friend as well as her partner. She puts on a uneasy smile for the cameras but Amanda notices something isn't right, "Angela is everything alright boo? You look like you're about to throw up", Angela steels herself "I'm fine, I just might be coming down with something that's all".
Amanda knows Angela is keeping something from her but doesn't push it right now, Shayne chimes in, "if you're coming down with something it's most likely wedding fever, seriously how are you feeling right now?", Damien answers first "Shayne I feel like the ultimate Protagonist right now, everything is as perfect as can be. I used to think I would be here with Saige but of course we all know how that ended, I was ready to give up after she dumped me but then Angela came along and got me to believe in love again."
"Honestly I'm still getting used to the idea of being someone's wife, like someone is actually not only willing but actively excited to spend their life with a feral Guinea Pig chaos gremlin disaster like me. I also thought I lost my chance forever when I lost my One until I found my real One who's been here the whole time", Angela leans her head against Damien's chest but she still has that uneasy look on her face, unseen by Damien as he wraps his arm around her and kisses the top of her head. Amanda knows Angela like her own sister, she can tell Angela is hiding something but again decides to leave it for now and continue with the episode.
"So guys this episode is going to be a bit of fun to end the day, today we're talking about who would win if memes battled each other. First up is Big Chungus vs Moo Deng, Damien we'll go to you first." Damien, still holding Angela snuggly, shares his thoughts, "well Shayne on a surface level one would assume Big Chungus would easily crush Moo Deng, but if we're power scaling then Moo Deng has the speed advantage wherein he can attack The Chung and dart away before getting crushed...", Damien continues his arguments while Angela tries to calm herself by listening to his heartbeat. Suddenly she feels her own heartbeat quickening and that sickly feeling in her stomach is back again, she can't take it anymore. She futilely tries to suppress it back down but to no avail, she has to get it out right now or she'll burst,
"DAMIEN I CAN'T DO THIS I SLEPT WITH ANOTHER MAN".
The entire room collectively gasps at this blurted bombshell and then falls silent, Amanda and Shayne sit with hands over their gaping mouths, Angela now has tears in her eyes and Damien is wide eyed struggling to process what he just heard. The cameras are still rolling and the stream is still live, the chat is going absolutely crazy at this revelation. What feels like an eternity of lingering silence is eventually broken by Angela, now practically sobbing, "I'm so sorry I really didn't want to do this now but I guess I'd rather you found out before we got married than after it's sealed. I never meant for this to happen I swear, you've been so busy and absent as of late I've been so lonely, for the last month before our wedding I've only really seen you for this past week and even that was for more work. The house gets so quiet by myself and I reached a point where I couldn't handle it anymore so I started staying late at the office to fill the time with busy work for Bit City. One day last week I was exhausted and a little loopy and this guy came up to me to see if I was alright and one thing led to another and we embraced on the cousin couch on the games set, I feel so ashamed and I've regretted it every waking moment since it happened."
Damien hasn't even moved from his stunlocked position, actively dissociating trying to comprehend what just happened. His eternal love, the life they've built together, the future they had envisioned, seemingly all crashed down around him in a Neverending moment of agony. Eventually he snaps back to reality and tries to put some words together in his shocked state, "Ang...why? I thought we were doing so good, what we had was beautiful to me and I thought you felt the same," he feels completely empty in this moment but feels like he must keep talking or he'll break down entirely, "Ang I know I've been super busy with my voice work but I do it all for you, I book as much as I can to hopefully move on to even bigger things so that I can make enough money to provide you with the best life I possibly can. I had no idea you felt so lonely, God why didn't I just ask? I'm such a fool, of course my packed work schedule was directly affecting you. I was so focused on building for the future I couldn't even see that I was neglecting you in the present."
Damien is so torn up, he loves Angela so deeply but this explosive confession might prove to be the breaker of their relationship. He is extremely overwhelmed and can't hold it in any longer, he gently embraces Angela in a hug and fully allows himself to break down and release his pent up emotions. Shayne feels like he should step and say something, maybe use his psych degree for some real life couple counseling, but he chooses to remain silent and let Damien and Angela have whatever time they need.
Suddenly something clicks in Damien's head, he recalled from his dissociative state hearing Angela say that the affair happened in the Smosh office meaning it was someone in Smosh who destroyed his relationship. He looks in Angela's eyes and firmly asks "Ang who was it? You said it was in the games set so it must be someone who works here right? So who was it?" "Baby I don't-" Angela tries to speak before Damien interjects, "No we're not at Baby right now ok. You just told me that a week before our wedding you had full sex with one of our coworkers, now I will accept my part in neglecting you and making you feel alone but I think you at least owe me a name."
Damien's emptiness is slowly being replaced with focus and determination, "Was it Trevor? I know you guys are really close, maybe he tried to comfort you like a big brother and the wires got crossed or something maybe I don't know. I know it's not Chanse or Tommy because they're gay right? Although you and Chanse are in a sketch team together so you've probably explored each other's bodies at some point. Is it Ian? Oh god Angela tell me it's not Ian, the power dynamic abuse would be worse than the cheating. Not really I suppose but it's still not right." Damien is spiraling into stream of consciousness mania as Angela struggles to get a word in against his accusations.
"Was it Keith, or Noah? You guys have a lot of sibling energy and stuff and we all know the implications of that phrase in Smosh now, Y'know like we had sibling energy for a long time and we got together so who knows? you all get pretty goofy when you're high so who knows maybe weed makes you horny or something I don't know."
"I know it's not my good buddy Shayne there because he loves Courtney so much right? But then again you loved me and you cheated on me so I guess we can't really rule him out yet right?" Shayne finally steps in after being accused of disrespecting his wife, "Damien you really need to calm down you're getting manic and throwing around some horrible accusations. I know this must be painful for you-" "Oh you know how painful this is huh Shayne? Very interesting. You know what it feels like to have your whole world shatter in front of a live audience huh? You know how hard it is to seriously consider just cutting your losses and calling it a day right? No you don't know, you don't know how any of that feels, you don't know how painful this is because you have everything you ever wanted, your loving wife is also your best friend and you have a little baby Chosen on the way you hit the JACKPOT my friend it must feel so NICE to be a WINNER-" "DAMIEN STOP IT"
Angela finally breaks through the wall of paranoid rambling as Spencer and Alex Tran try to calm down Shayne before he does something he'll regret.
"I know I've hurt you and betrayed you and destroyed your trust and probably killed our relationship but throwing that hurt at those around you trying to help you isn't going to fix anything or make you feel any better", Angela places her hands on Damien's face and can feel him physically shaking and hyperventilating, "it wasn't Shayne and it wasn't any of the other main cast guys. I didn't want to tell you because he's one of your best friends but...it was Ify". Damien is momentarily stunned again, aside from Shayne Ify is one of the closest people Damien has in his life. "No...no...no...that son of a BITCH is gonna pay".
Damien suddenly remembered that Ify happened to be there that day shooting a TNTL and was still on the premises, with a new fire lit in him Damien leapt over the podcast table and made a beeline for the Pit set with Shayne Amanda and Angela in pursuit followed by Brennan the cameraman trying to catch the action.
Ify is chilling on the TNTL set with Anthony, Olivia and Arasha when suddenly they hear a door crashing open and an irate Damien bursting into the room, "IFY YOU RAT WHERE ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER", Ify realizes the jig is up and tells the girls to stay safe. He turns to meet Damien ready to defend his case, Damien doesn't greet him with any more words before punching Ify in the jaw. Now Damien had been working out and was pretty swole but Ify is HUGE, that punch felt like hitting a brick wall causing Damien to flinch slightly at the sudden pain in his hand but he maintains his conviction and goes for another one. Ify chuckles softly, "Oh it's like THAT then huh, alright let's see what your weeb ass has got bitch" as he blocks Damien's follow up shot and tags Damien with one of his own. Damien knows full well he's no fighter and Ify is probably going to end up winning but the rage burning inside him fuels him to keep going. The two men exchange blows as Brennan records the whole thing while shouting "WORLDSTAR". The girls are all shouting hysterically as Shayne and Anthony attempt to separate the brawling men to no avail and dodge stray fists and elbows. Both men have bloodied noses and swollen eyes. Ify lands a heavy gut shot on Damien who hits Ify in the balls in retaliation, both men drop to their knees and there's a brief period of rest as both men catch their breath with Shayne Anthony Alex and Spencer forming a wall between the two combatants.
"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH" Angela has been clinging to Amanda in hysterics this whole time. "Yes Damien, Ify was at the office last week shooting some stuff for Bit City, he found me crying in the costume department and offered to stay with me to console me. We got some booze from the kitchen and had a few drinks on the Cousin couch. He was just trying to cheer me up but I was so low and desperate for connection, the alcohol made me go fuck it and I kissed him then one thing led to another and-" Angela suddenly violently throws up.
Damien thinks back over the previous week, Angela had been feeling sick pretty much every morning before they left for work and threw up on several different days. He composes himself as best he can and approaches Angela with a concerned look on his battered face, "You're...?" is all he can eek out at first. Angela nods and starts crying again, "I took two tests a few days ago and they both had the same result. You're going to be a Daddy Damien."
Damien is overwhelmed by this sudden development before being hit with a sudden wave of worry, he tentatively asks "how do you know it's mine? I mean what if it turns out to be Ify's instead?" Angela gently takes Damien's hands in hers and looks in his eyes, for the first time it's not uncomfortable for either of them even in the slightest. "The timing is far too soon to be Ify's, the morning sickness began just the day after we embraced. Trust me baby, it's yours and yours alone."
Damien wipes the blood from his mouth and kisses Angela before pulling her in for a tight hug. He leans his head down to her ear, "do you still want to go to Santa Barbara with me?"