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Maki still can’t quite explain that strange feeling that had been plaguing her for days; but whatever it was, she wanted it dead. Immediately.
There are many things that Maki doesn’t know, and she thinks she’s well aware of it. There are many things that her life as an assassin has kept her in the dark about the outside world, or how to successfully socialize with the people around her.
There are many things that Maki doesn’t know, and it’s usually not a big deal.
But this. This is.
She’s been acting differently lately. She’s felt it. Differently around Kaito. And it’s weird.
That girl could say all sorts of things about the astronaut; in her mind, she always has. From the ridiculous way he dresses to his poor choice of phraseology, Maki has always silently judged Kaito, perceiving her peer as an ignorant, stupid idiot.
He’s not the kind of person Maki wants to get close to. But the situation they were in had forced her to collaborate with him, not to mention the numerous times he had shown that, on the contrary, he wanted to get close to her – something she had always tried to avoid as much as she could.
Maki realized that at first her attitude had remained the same as before; but after a few weeks she had sensed something was wrong. Something different.
And it was a change she wasn’t used to.
Her thoughts traveled to Kaito very often, especially when he wasn’t around. She started to consider finding excuses, almost stupid ones, to spend time with him more than the others did. She started to find his jokes funny – and, for heaven’s sake, even the nickname Maki Roll somehow overturned the composure of the assassin, who had visibly become a hundred times more clumsy for a few weeks now. When he rambled on about space and stars, Maki couldn’t help but think that he was somehow…cute? And as much as she tried to deny it, it was obvious to everyone alive in that school complex that her opinion of Kaito had changed in the space of maybe two or three days.
The truth is that Kaito’s stupidity almost made her feel ashamed that she had stooped to that level for a person who wears house slippers with galaxies drawn on them on a daily basis. Whatever he did or said to her, Maki could almost swear that it made her heart stop, that it made it skip a beat. She could swear that the smile Kaito gave her made her face reach temperatures she never thought would make her weak, considering that during her training she worked even with a high fever.
“Oh no…” She said to herself, pressing her fingers to the hump of her nose. “Fuck you Kaito…”
Maki never thought that her first love would be the kind of person she would avoid at all costs; but no one could really blame her for loving Kaito. No one really could, because it’s because of Kaito that she’s not ten feet underground now. It’s because of Kaito that she’s now trying to love herself, and it’s because of Kaito that she’s now trying to see herself as lovable, because he showed her affection for who she truly is.
No one could blame her for loving Kaito. Not when Kaito loved her so intensely. Not when Kaito could almost seem obsessed with her.
The girl wondered how it had happened, but realistically and deep down in her heart, she knew that it all started when he told her to love herself more. When he told her that she deserved all the love she didn’t think she deserved.
Maki knew that it all happened when Kaito decided to blindly trust her, claiming that she was a good person. And she also knew that Kaito made her do such damn stupid things, that it shocked her brain.
She knew that she couldn’t allow herself to fall in love. Not there. Not in that place, not at that time. But oh, Kaito. You are so perfectly lovable. And if she could, Maki would give herself a powerful electric shock, if necessary to make the feelings she had for that funny guy who had appeared in her life overnight disappear right away.
It was hard not to fall in love with Kaito, she can't help it; so much so that she often wondered how those around her hadn't already fallen at his feet.
Everything he did took her to the moon. And that astronaut understood her like no one had ever tried to understand her.
So she could do nothing but scream, with her hot face buried in her pillow. She could do nothing but that, hoping that one day she could tell Kaito with certainty that she had been to the moon before him.