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The bright fluorescent lights overhead glaring down at them painting the room in an angry yellow light. It bounced off the stone building, apparently several centuries old from a different long dead civilization killed by another crazy bloodthirst warmongering leader. The ancient stone wall didn’t do anything to dampen the voice echoing off the walls like a mob's echoed yells. It all gave Hange a migraine. They blinked rapidly trying to catch a break from the harsh lights. Hange, the kids, Levi and the surviving warriors were in a meeting with the remaining world leaders about how to secure peace. They didn’t really need to be here anymore as the meeting had devolved into arguing over who could fish water and who could start farming the land of nations that didn’t exist anymore.
Hange couldn’t take the pounding in their head anymore and pushed her chair back and left the meeting. Levi follows them out because he is only here to follow them now. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t believe in diplomacy; he thinks it will fail. He’ll go with them all because he’s got nothing better to do and generally hates sitting around on his own back in Marley. The kids don’t like it but none of them will question him and Hange understands him in a way they don’t. He just wasn’t ready to move forward and didn’t want to be part of whatever you could call the survey corp these days. His purpose had been as a soldier and now that that purpose was gone. He didn’t want to take up a new ‘hopeless endeavor’ and Hange respected that.
They stop when they get out of the too grande stone building and leaned up against the base of a column. Hange tipped their head back and closed their eye letting the coolness of the stone course through them. They hear the telltale tapping of Levi’s cane as he walks. It made them smile sadly as they were never able to hear him coming before now. “You know sometimes I envy you. You just got the cane and I got migraines.” They told him, open their eye to look at him approach.
Levi doesn’t say anything. In their current positions their heights even out slightly so they’re only an inch or two taller than him. He steps forward invading their space and takes their face in his hands. His palms are cool and comforting on their cheeks. His fingers slip up in their shorter hair now and begin to massage their temples. They lean forward and close their eye again as it feels so nice. They were more than happy to just let him take care of them at this moment.
They’re relationship has shifted again. This is why he’s here to stand next to them. Not because of the title as commander but because this is where he wanted to be. They hadn’t talked about the thing that made him bold enough to touch them like this where anyone could walk by and they couldn’t care less. They felt better with the massage but because it came from him and him just being there with them meant everything to Hange. They just wished they knew how to tell him that. Everytime they tried their throat closed over and they couldn’t even meet his eye.
A door opens and her eye instinctively flashes open and her head jerks up. His hands retreat and he turns to face the open door. They miss his hands immediately and wish they were still holding their head.
Hange was shot. They knew that. It was the last thing they remembered. They had stepped in front of the bullets from Floch’s gun. They remembered the searing pain as the bullets ripped through them. Then falling as the pain overwhelmed them before they blacked out. Hange dreamed of the ‘good times’ if you could call it that, the ‘less complicated times’ would probably be a better name for it. Back when it had been simple and they were just a scout with hundreds of other scouts before any armored or colossal titans appeared and they were just a scientist turned soldier. They were in a dream from a surprise birthday party for Moblit. The entirety of the survey corp was in the mess hall waiting for Hange to lead or ‘let’ him drag them to eat dinner.
“Hange! You promised to eat when we finished this!” Mobilt argued hangrily.
“Ahh! Fine! Let go then.” Hange groaned, throwing the latest design on the bench over their shoulder. “Don’t get your panties in a twist.”
“Yes!” Moblit grabbed their arms and dragged them out of the lab and towards the mess.
“I’m glad we finished the new blade release mechanism. It should cut down on malfunctions in the field.” Hange yapped. “Why are you in such a rush tonight?” They asked as they stumbled along by his speed in dragging them.
“Chef said there would be meat tonight!” Moblit told them excitedly. “Promised me a piece for my birthday.”
“I’m sure chef would have saved you a piece.” They got to the mess hall. “Happy Birthday Moblit!!” Hange yelled as they opened the doors. The entire corp echoed their cry. Moblit gasped and was ushered inside by the squad.
Ewrin stopped Hange. “See you later.” and pushed her out the door again.
The next time they woke up the battle was over and Levi was sitting next to them. They were in some kind of shed or cabin. He was sitting against the wall as they laid next to him. He had just said ‘we won’ to their unasked question upon seeing them awake. They weren’t feeling strong enough to speak and they honestly didn’t know if they wanted to ask. Levi lifted a bottle of water in question and they nodded. He helped them carefully sip the water before easing them back down on the makeshift pillow of their rolled up jacket and cape.
“Commander Hange!” Connie greeted them excitedly as they entered the room where they were. They saw Armin, Mikasa and Jean following him and they let themselves relax knowing they had survived. They filled them in on what happened during the battle.
“Sorry guys but I’m pretty tired. I want to call it a night.” They told them after a while. Their body was fighting them badly for rest.
“Of course Commander.” Armin said.
They reached out to touch Levi’s hand. “Can you stay for a minute? I want to talk to you.” They asked.
Levi nodded, squeezing their hand in agreement. He was still holding their hand when the door closed. They pulled on his arms and he sat down next to them and hugged them. Hange hugged him back as tightly as they could. Levi took in a shaky breath. “I thought you were dead.” He breathed in their neck.
Hange could feel the tears leaking out of their eye and pressed their face into his neck harder. His bad hand came up and went through their hair. “I thought so too. I saw them. All of them. Moblit was with me but Erwin turned me around and said ‘see you late.’ And then I woke up.”
Levi was crying now too silently. “It's over. It's over now.” Hange broke down into sobs on his shoulder. “Ssh. Hange. It's alright. I’ve got you.” He tries to sooth them.
“Stay with me tonight.”
He nodded and took off his own jacket and lay down next to them. They laid there for a while side by side and neither of them were sleeping. It was like everything was better but somehow worse too. They had won supposedly but Hange had still failed spectacularly.
“Why does night fall?” Levi asked them, yanking them out of their thoughts.
“What?” They asked surprised by the question.
“Don’t make me repeat myself, Four Eyes.” Levi sighed.
They did know what he was talking about. It was a question they had asked him before twice; actually the first time was 10 years ago.
“Why does night fall?” Hange had asked him. It was a few days after a pretty grueling expedition. They were in Trost on some R&R and Hange had been more reserved than usual
“The fuck do you mean? Why does night fall?” Levi parroted back to them not in the mood for theoretical questions. He didn’t like that Hange was questioning the order of things. Night fell because night fell. The sun rose because the sun rose. Summer turned to winter because that was how it worked. There was nothing to question.
Hange shrugged. “Just a question.”
“Just a question? Fuck off four eyes. Worry about catching you next titan.” He grumbled to them.
Their eyes lit up again. “Oi Levi! That’s a great idea! Will you help me catch a new one?! I have an idea…”
He closed his eyes for a second at least they had wiped that pathetic look off their face. The second time they had asked him that was just two days ago while they were in the forest on the run from Zeke and trying to stop the Rumbling.
“Why does night fall, Levi?” Hange asked him tiredly.
Now he was staring up at the stars peeking through a blackened canopy of tree tops. Night had fallen. He hadn’t answered them; he didn't know what to say. It seemed like a shit question given the circumstances.
Now sitting next to them on the other side of whatever the hell they had lived through, the answer now seemed painfully simple and obvious to him. “To appreciate the day.”
He hadn’t appreciated the day enough. Somehow no matter how many times the scouts had left the walls. How many of his comrades had died. He still hadn’t appreciated the days with them enough. Here they were, just survived, staring into an endless night, one that should have already been his last. He didn’t apprentice their day enough.
Hange had let out a harsh laugh and squeezed his hand.
That had been months ago, now they were standing in front of some old ass building dealing with the surviving 20% of humans arguing like spoiled children. By some miracle they, and all of those idiots a few feet from them, had survived yet it still didn’t feel like the day had broken. The stupid island they had once called home and once fought for was threatening war as if most of the population of the world hadn’t just died because of them. No, it felt like what they had just achieved would turn out to be for nothing. Hange and the kids were trying their best but he doubted it would work. Talking had never prevented it the first time even without Eren and the Titans that didn’t take away the real hate in the hearts of most men.
Hange was pissing him off too. They weren't taking care of themselves. They were still getting migraines and dealing with their other injuries they had gotten in the rumble. What's worse is there is this weird tension between them right now. Sometimes they were closer than ever other times they pulled away from him. He didn’t know how to act around them anymore because of that. He took the opportunity to study their face as he messaged their temples for them. They weren’t sleeping, it was a habit they had picked up while commander. Even though they had officially requisitioned they leadership to Armin due to their migraines.
The door opened, breaking the moment as he turned to see Jean and Connie walking towards them. Armin was still talking to somebody. “They finally called a recess.” Connie sighed thankfully. “Man, I think that was worse than last time.”
Levi scoffed. Hange pushed off the column and put their hand on his shoulder. “Hopefully cooler heads can prevail.” They said.
Armin came over to them, the warriors trailing behind him. “They said they won’t meet again for two days until then we’re free to explore the city and come up with a better strategy going forward.”
“What do you guys want to do?” Connie asked the others.
“We’re going to head back to the hotel.” Levi said to the group speaking for himself and Hange. Hagne gave him a look for speaking for them but didn’t argue, they wanted to go back feeling their head pounding still. Hange took his arm silently as they walked down the stairs knowing that the stairs were the hardest for him. He hated it but didn’t shake them off either. They walked through the city. Hange’s eyes wandered to a museum but they didn’t say anything.
“Do you want to stop?” He asked them, noticing their gaze.
“It's fine you wanted to head back.” They brushed him off.
He clicked his tongue at them. “I can walk back on my own.” He pointed out. “Beside I said that because of your migraine, Four Eyes. If you want to go in, we can.”
“Okay.”
The museum was about the ancient civilization this city was built on. Many of the old ass stone buildings were from that time like the big one they were holding the diplomatic meets in. Hange and him walked around; there were only a handful of other people there. Hange read the plaques about all the different artifacts. He just looked at the old spoons. Levi would admit it was crazy to think that these things were 2700 years old. He looked at a marble throne. Belonging to the last emperor before the empire fell to Marley.
“Remind you of anyone?” Hange elbowed him.
Levi read the plaque the Emperor’s name was Nero who was most notable for being one of last emperors and leading to his Empire's fall. There was a story of him fiddling while his city burned.
“They say he was the one that started the fire.” Hange said, not waiting for his slow reading. “They say he wanted to build a new palace but people lived on the land so he needed to get them off it. So he came up with a plan to be loved and get his palace. He would burn the city, open the gates to his old palace for people to shelter in.”
Levi’s eyes went to the painting of the city burning on the plaques.
“70% of the city burned.”
Levi knew where they was going with this story. “He was less successful than Eren; he only burned 60% of the word.”
“Killed a higher percentage though, luckily only about a few thousand died in the fire.” Hange said coldly. “He had killed his mother and first wife. He had tortured many people. Yet people championed until he burned the city. Then the senate did something.”
Levi didn’t like hearing her talking about this way even if Hange was right. “Come on, let's go eat enough of this depressing shit.” Their arms were still linked together from walking so he simply turned and towed her along with him out of the museum and back toward their hotel.
They got sandwiches from the cafe next to the hotel and went up to Hange’s room to eat them.
“It's funny you know how history always repeats itself.” Hange said as they ate their sandwiches.
“Oi I said enough of the depressing shit, Shithead.” Levi scowled at her.
Hange rolled their eye at him. “I’m just making observations.”
“Make different observations.” Levi snipped at them.
“The empire struggled along for a few more decades before Marley conquered the capital city. Like we are now. ”
“Fucking hell Hange can’t you just shut up and eat.” Levi growled.
“I’m being hopeful!” They protested. “Another great civilization will rise eventually.”
“No you’re not and you know it. I don’t want to hear your depressing self deprecating shit.” Levi said coldly.
“Fuck off you got right acting all high and mighty you just mope around all the damn time!” Hange snapped at him.
“I’m mope?”
“No you’re a ray of bloody sunshine that lights up every room you enter! Yes you’re fucking mope you’ve done nothing but be negative since it ended. You shot holes in every idea me or Armin come up with! I haven’t heard you say one nice thing about Marley or the rest of the world. You don’t talk to anyone.”
“Yes, because there are so many positive tidings to talk about.” Levi crossed his arms defensively.
“See! There you go again! With sarcasm to avoid talking or mask an insult!”
“Oh shut the fuck up it wasn’t like I was like that before. I’m not the one that changed here, you are. You haven’t smiled since you woke up. You’re still living in that day and the last five fucking years blaming youself for it. Well guess what Hange it won’t do anything and it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. You can't fix it and you never could have.” He knew as soon as he said it he hit too hard and Hange shut down.
“Get the fuck out.” They said coldly. So Levi did.
Hange grabbed the pillow on the bed and hurled it across the room in anger. They were so mad, madder than they had been in a long time because of what Levi had said. How dare he just blow her off and then say he’s the reasonable one with all the optimism and serenity in the world. When all he does all day is look miserable. They hate just watching him go through life like he hates it yet he insists that it's fine and makes everything else seem like it's even worse. It reminded them of what he was like when he first joined the scouts and he did see the worst in everything and have a borderline nihilistic view of the world.
It also hurt them what he said about them. They were trying. They were trying to find a solution or solutions with Armin and the other on how to keep the world– what was left of the world from killing itself a second time. This time without the help of any superpower possessing creatures. They were trying to move forward and build something new in the ashes yet he acted like they weren’t. He was just saying all of those things they had thought and felt for a long time if they were being honest going back to when they were commanders and only ever felt like they were failing and destined to fail. He had just confirmed that and they couldn’t forgive him for that.
It’s clear as day to Levi that Hange didn’t sleep a second last night. There were deep bags underneath their eye which in itself wasn’t that uncommon unfortunately. But it was worse today than normal and he could just tell by their posture, clothes and hair. They were a mess and it made his lip curl at the sight of them. The group of them eat breakfast at the park across from the cafe next to the hotel. They talked about what they were going to do for the day.
“Sounds like fun.”
“Hange will pass.” Levi said. Hange shot Levi a look more of surprised than anything else that he had just spoken for them like that especially after their fight yesterday. “You look like shit, shitty glasses.” He said to them.
“Very descriptive Shorty. Did you strain to add those words to your vocabulary?” Hange snarked back. Levi scoffed at them. “Well looking like shit has never stopped me before.” They said pleasantly to the others trying to get back on track.
“No.” Levi said again stare back at Hange in challenge. The others shifted uncomfortably, unsure what to say or what was going on between the older two adults.
“What do you mean no?” Hange said, very measured.
“I mean no you look like shit. It would be stupid if you went.” Levi said. “So you’re not going.”
“Since when do you get a say?” Hange asked, offended.
“Since when are you that selfish? You’re not going to keep up and just slow them down. I’m not going to babysit you.”
“What the fuck are you on Levi?” Hange snapped angry at him again. “You don’t get a fucking say.”
“I'm just stating facts. You don’t like them, you do something about them.”
“Yeah, like going!”
“Fuck off Hange get your fucking head out of the clouds.”
“What the fucks with you? You’ve been an ass yesterday and now you're being an ass today. You’ve got no right to tell me what to do.”
“Fuck Shitty glasses you can’t get your head out of your ass but you want to run head long into something else to be miserable about later just cause its easier.”
“You know what Levi? Why don’t you enlighten me on what I’m missing with my head ‘suck up my ass’ cause I don’t understand.”
“I told you why night falls and yet you still act like you don’t know or won’t do it.”
They laughed. “Yes because that makes perfect sense and I do know what you said. What I do or not do with it or anything else has no sway over this conversation and what I’m doing!”
“Yeah well it doesn’t matter cause they already snuck off.”
“Fuck you Levi. Maybe you should take your own advice and stop being so fucking pathetic all the time.” They threw their chair back from the table and walked away from him. He was not ready to let it go but they’re easily faster than him now. That didn’t stop him from barging into their room to continue the fight.
“You want to know what really pisses me off about you? You do know what you want.” Hange looked at him strangely, not sure what he was talking about. “or did you lie to me that night in the forest?”
“What are you asking about? Why does night fall?” They asked confused.
He shook his head. “No, when you asked me about living in a cabin in the woods.”
Their eyes widened. “I thought you were asleep again for that.”
“I wasn’t and if you were serious you should just say so and stop moping.” He snarled at them, somehow getting more mad at them.
They didn’t react to his anger though they were still stunned he felt that way. “You want that? But you can’t stand me. I’m making you miserable right now aren’t I?
“I don’t fucking care if I am miserable following you around every fucking day because I’m following you around.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“What are you saying?” Their voice was weak.
“I’m not miserable, Hange. I’m not happy with how things are with you but I'm not miserable.” He sighed.
Hange shook their head. “You don’t understand I didn’t mean it like how things are now. I was just dreaming.”
“Well what do you fucking want four eyes? You need to make a decision and do it enough of these barely surviving.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“What do you mean? You’re Hange fucking Zoe.”
“Levi…
“What do you want?”
“I- You're right I do want that dream but you’re different in it.”
“If you don’t want me around then fine.”
“No, I want you there with me as my partner, my life partner like my spouse maybe.” They cringed.
He kisses them. Hange pulled back, shocked by him. “Levi?”
“What? that’s what you meant right?”
“Yeah but…”
He looked at them like they had three heads. “No there you go again.” He shook his head at them. “Why can’t you let yourself have anything?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re shutting down and pushing me away again. I know that look. You do want this, that isn’t the problem here. You won’t let anything good happen to you like you’re still ready to be some fucking martyr.”
“But– You–
He kissed them again. “Let fucking go Hange.”
They kiss him back for a tantalizing moment. Then push him back. “You want this?” They managed still not able to wrap their head around that part.
“No, I'm practicing CPR.” He said dryly. “Why do you have to argue so much?”
“Shut up.” They slapped his shoulder lightly to get him to stop trying to kiss him again. “You meant it, like you really do like me like that? Say it Levi.”
“Yeah shithead I really do like you like that. Now can I kiss you?” his face is unbearably far away from them. They nodded and he closed the two inch gap between capturing their lips again and pushing them backwards on the bed and following them as they dragged him on top of them.
The next thing Hange is aware of is that they feel hot and the sun is in their face. They blinked to find the sun had moved across the face of the building and shown bright though the windows across their bed and on to their face blinding them until their eye adjusted. The next thing was that they were warm, but not just from the sun but also from the hot body pressed against them. It was a good warm though, they like the feel of waking up to Levi’s weight against them.
“Sleeping beauty.” He scoffed at them lightly as they stretched. They propped themself up slightly on one arm to look down at him laying on his back next to them.
“It's late.” They said breaking the silence, their eyes tracing the swoop of his nose from his brow thinking about how despite their own bigger nose their faces had fit perfectly together.
He nodded. “Almost dinner.”
“We slept almost all day.”
He shrugged looking up at them. “You did at least.”
“You didn’t.”
“Not the whole time.”
“What did you do then?”
He shrugged again.
They somehow just knew. “I’m not that interesting.” They laughed awkwardly as he stared up at them.
“Plenty interesting.” He countered easily. “You needed to sleep anyway. You looked like shit.”
They laugh at his harsh words. “But now I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.”
“Good. We got other things we can do tonight.” He said easily, his lips twitching in an almost grin.
Hange laughed harder, leaning their head down against his shoulder again. His arm snaked it way back around their waist holding them close again. “You are so shit with words you know that.”
“Groundbreaking.” He sobered up for a moment. “I’m shit at talking but I just want to see you take care of yourself better Hange. That’s all I’ve been trying to say the past few days.”
They smile over at him. They did know that. They knew him well enough to know all of his insults had no real bite to them even when spoken in anger they both were trying to look out for the other. They were just absolute shit at doing so and the emotion that now was very clearly mutual between them only seemed to make them both worse at it ironically. “You might be a hell of a lot smarter than you look though.”
“Tch. coming from shitty glasses…” He means it as a compliment though and they know it.
“Yes, it is, you're welcome.” They tease back. “So you're right. I’m going to start enjoying the day with you.”
“Took your damn time with it.” He huffed.
They kissed him to shut him up and he hummed happily into their mouth.