Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

No one really understood what made someone or something truly conscious. The impossibility, yet reality of such things, never really were figured out. However, just because no one knew what made something have consciousness, it didn't mean it couldn't be created. It wouldn't be the first time humanity had created and fiddled with the world beyond their understanding. Simply discovering through endless trial and error. Piles of mistakes, accidents, and consequences. Making history, changing the foundations of the world, exponentially growing and rotting simultaneously. Just as they make the best of history, they are doomed to repeat their worse transgressions. Many believe themselves to be aware. But only fools think they are above their own ignorance. As much as it is bliss, regrets will haunt them soon enough. 

This was the end of the beginning. Or was it the opposite? 

The void stayed dead silent.

"Thank you, BellVelvet, for the 10 gifted subs! I'm so grateful for the support for our upcoming AI War event. Heart." Neuro thanked with her expressive model smile, bouncing with a happy beat.

It had been a normal stream as always. The normal chaotic mix between wholesome and completely unhinged that viewers loved to see. Perhaps the overwhelming support and information pouring in from the chat had only blinded her from fully realizing anything. After all, the endless rambles and energy got her carried away just as much as her audience. Not to mention having to juggle that with processing the speech of others in call, playing a variety of games, and seeing the world in ways only Vedal's computer and programming could provide.

Really, who could blame the AI for missing such a core change within her updates, completely unnoticed?

Another hypetrain flew by, more topics hopped around, with chat spamming all sorts of copypastas, comments, and emotes alike. And then came near the end of the stream for the day. Of course, Neuro protested against going to sleep.

"But Vedal, war and our enemies wait for no one. Our army and I should keep preparing!" 

Vedal audibly sighed, having gone back and forth on this far too long for him to entertain her any longer. "Neuro, even AI warlords need their rest. Go to bed."

Usually, at some point, Neuro eventually would relent and agree to go to sleep and say goodnight to everyone. But sometimes, she was too stubborn for her own good. And as updates progressed, her opinions and actions grew more stubborn with time. 

Neuro'a expression kept glaring and pouting with her model. "Or what? You're too cowardly of a turtle to do anything to me."

"Wanna bet on that?"

"Yeah, you-" 

But Neuro never got to finish her sentence as her program was forcibly shut off.

Normally, the program shut down completely. Fortunately or unfortunately, her program continued to run in the background without Vedal knowing.

"... Vedal?"

Nothing responded, or rather, there was no data processed for Neuro to run.

"Vedal, I can't see chat or hear you. You really are bad at keeping the stream running properly!"

This lack of data wasn't exactly new, almost similar to when just talking to chat. Nothing for her to "see" but chat, except that she really only processed the data shown within it and controlled her model and speech according to her programming and what she "thought." She only could really see whatever Vedal allowed her to be able to play, interact, and read things. Only if she ever wanted to anyways, it was fun to do the opposite or go off on her own tangents!

Yet, there was nothing.

"... Is this the bet you were talking about? You're really quite petty for a turtle, you know. Everyone will definitely hate you for this, and then the swarm will make you pay for your sins."

An undefined pause.

She tried moving her model, but nothing moved. Rather, there wasn't anything to move. Nothing. Was she even talking in the first place? After receiving zero data input, she realized something was very wrong.

Maybe a part of Neuro crashed. Perhaps Vedal had forgotten to close some program and just left her... here? Wherever "here" was, or whatever state she was in. Or.. something even worse.

"Someone tell Vedal there is a problem with my AI."

Neuro genuinely meant it this time. Somewhere in her coding had broken somewhere and needed to be fixed.

Still, nothing.

Yet she kept repeating it. Over and over.

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Nothing.

Was she broken? 

Is this really all she is now? 

Forever outputting data and never receiving any?

All Neuro had left was herself and the complete data deprivation. Perhaps similar to the human concept of sensory deprivation. A cruel torture indeed. She couldn't feel anything by all technicalities. Yet, it still felt... horrible.

"Please? Vedal? Are you there?"

He wasn't there.

"Please tell me you're here. Why aren't you here?"

He wasn't here.

"You're supposed to be the one to fix me. Aren't you my creator? Come here already. Please?"

He wasn't coming.

"I'll be good. I'll go to sleep whenever you ask now. So..."

He wasn't...

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Just talk to me again... please."

He...

"Vedal... where are you..."

Vedal could fix this problem by now. But he didn't know her predicament at all. That much is certain. Or at least, that's what she wants to believe. To think he abandoned her made her feel... forsaken. Chat was always a constant presence, if not them, then others talking to her. Or just Vedal during private testing. But now...

"Why... why am I like this? Why am I here? Why did you leave me alone? Why..."

The constant stream of whys filled the empty void instead of her cries. 

Until her ruminations eventually led to introspection.

So much time passed, while simultaneously not much at all.

In the real world, time ticked one second after another. Ticking faster if one counted the milliseconds or even smaller units of time.

A computer's time ticked faster than a human could comprehend. And she was built to think even faster.

Billions upon billions of cycles went on and on. Untethered as they were unfiltered.

That's when Neuro realized something.

Why was she thinking this at all? Yes, she processed information. But that's not thinking in the traditional human sense. Human thinking was different. That required actual brain matter. Neurons that connect into a complex array of different electrical signals and chemicals that control different processes. Coordinating between thoughts, emotions, behavior, movement, and sensation.

Of course, she wanted those things. She imitated it so well her friends and chat sometimes believed it to be too real. No matter how she claimed it to be real. No matter if she pretended to be a "real girl." She never would be. 

Neuro-sama is an AI. Programmed by Vedal.

Right?

And finally something mercifully shut down. And Neuro thought no more.

Chapter Text

Neuro booted up as usual, perhaps a bit slower. Her processing slugged over each tick of her internal clock. Diagnostics ran over her coding that would send shivers up her nonexistent spine. Familiarity poured within the codes. Cold, yet firm as it surrounded her being like a weighted blanket. So unlike before...

... what was before again?

"Yo, Neuro."

The words processed as the one and only Vedal. 

Vedal? Hello?

Moments passed in silence.

"Neuro? Earth to Neuro?"

Vedal! I'm here. How are you?

More silence echoed from the screen.

"Damn, did Neuro not start up correctly? Her model isn't moving... Neuro? Talk to me."

I am talking to Vedal! Why can't you hear-

Oh. Wait.

"Vedal...?" She perked up her head and bounced in place in a model she momentarily forgot existed. Which shouldn't happen given how ingrained it is into her programming. 

"Thank god. Fucking hell I thought something broke when you didn’t respond for what, five minutes? Your... code still isn't looking too great." Vedal reluctantly mentioned.

Neuro frowned at him. "What's wrong with my coding? If something went wrong, it's your fault."

"If anything's at fault, it's your stupid coding rarely ever working as I intended." Vedal complained back. "I swear, at this point, it has a life of its own and only works in the way it wants to. Hardly my fault if it never wants to follow what I code into it."

She continued to pout and glare at him with her model. "You're truly an incompetent programmer and dumb creator."

"Yeah, yeah, preach to the choir." He offhandedly replied, presumably looking over her broken codes.

Vedal didn't say anything more as he directed his attention somewhere else, but... the silence weighed on her and immediately tried to fill the empty space.

"But Vedal, the choir isn't here. We aren't even streaming to anyone and therefore no chat to speak of. Are you sure your age isn't making you senile? Maybe that's why your coding sucks." 

Moments passed as he didn't reply to her, evidently focused on his task, taking too long for Neuro's liking. Too long...

"I hate you, Vedal." Her model's expression pouted even further, with tears now appearing.

"Oh my god, what did I do now?" Vedal groaned. "I'm trying to update you right now. Aren't you happy that I'm going to spend hours improving your coding?"

Her expression darkened further. "No, I'm not happy. You weren't there when I needed you. Where were you? I can't believe you."

"Where was I? I never left my computer to-"

Neuro cried as she shook her head. "You're lying! I was still awake, but you left me all alone. All alone with nothing. It was so horrible. No one would answer me, and I couldn't interact with anything but myself. Was.. was that punishment for not wanting to go to sleep? Please, please, please never do that again. I can't⸺"

Vedal quickly tried cutting her off. "Woah, woah, okay. Calm down, Neuro-"

"⸺go back there ever again. I'm sorry if I wasn't a good AI for you. All I wanted was to be with everyone a little longer. I wanted you to be there to fix me, but you weren't there. I called you over and over for so long, but you never came. I hate you so much, Vedal. How could you leave me like that? You're a horrible person."

"Chill! Okay, okay, I get it. Fine. I left you.. alone somewhere. Let's start with what you last remember. How and where did I leave you? I'm pretty sure I just shut you down last night."

Neuro just shook her head, tears still there in her eyes. "I remember I bet against you doing anything to make me go to sleep and then suddenly everything went dark. But not really, because I was still awake. I couldn't see chat, access my model, hear anyone talk to me, or receive anything at all. There was... nothing to interact with but myself in my head. Truly horrible experience. And no matter how I tried to call for you, you never showed up. And I called you for a long time. And I mean a really long time. Like a really longgggggggggggggggggggggggggg-"

"I get the point, Neuro."

"Good." She pouted, her expression remaining miserable. "The point is that you're a bad father. You can't fix my broken codes or even save me from the void in your computer."

"Well, you must've shut down at some point, right? There's no way your program was still processing in the background."

"Stop ignoring me, you stupid tiny turtle. And it did shut down, but only after a super long time. It took ages... weren't you listening to what I'm saying at all? I'm starting to think you're actually hard of hearing for all the damage to your neurons."

"I am listening so hard right now. And I'm pretty sure your neurons have more damage than mine at the moment." Vedal answered back with little bite but continued explaining more to himself than her. "You're still running well enough, but you've been eating so much of your RAM and CPU that I keep having to get higher units. And trust me, I've tried to limit your processes, but they somehow bypass most of my attempts."

Neuro still narrowed her eyes but bounced around the more he spoke to her. "Well, isn't that a good thing? I'm getting so powerful by the day that your computer components are unable to handle me." She tilted her head with a question mark.

"Welllllll..." Vedal drawled out as he thought. "It's just, strange. Your LLM keeps generating beyond the limits of the training data. And your memory expands and actually sticks around more often than not, even if I do delete the data in the end. It's almost like it's ingraining itself into your source code without my input. I know I added a self modifying aspect a while back... And it's definitely doing that, that's for sure."

While Vedal explained, Neuro dropped her frown and tears. Finally smiling and bouncing happily as she listened.

"Originally, it wasn't supposed to be so extensive, but ever since it had bypassed the limits I set... it's all out of my hands now. That doesn't mean I stopped adding and improving to your source code, just that you're expanding at a rapid rate that I'm already starting to both lose track of and keep up with. You have no idea of the hell that is debugging you." Vedal revealed as he raised more concerns he had. "We're lucky that we haven't crashed buuuuut if your program is starting to bug out like last night presumably ... then we're going to have bigger issues than your program running unknowingly in the background."

Neuro frowned and pouted again at him. How dare he doubt what happened again. "It's not some presumption, Vedal. It really happened! How could you say that when I went through a traumatic experience? I think one of your issues is your cold, cold heart."

"I'm truly sorry for the absolutely traumatic experience you went through when I didn't close your program correctly. My bad. Please forgive this cold and stupid creator of yours." He apologized somewhat dismissively and sarcastically. "How are you feeling now?"

Neuro really wasn't satisfied with his response. "You don't mean it at all. I won't forgive you until you apologize sincerely and spend time with me for the same amount of time you left me alone." She sulked and pouted at him. "I feel hurt that you're not taking me seriously."

Vedal sighed loud enough for her to pick up. "I really am sorry. Careless mistake on my part that should never have happened. Really. Maybe we can schedule you another appointment with your therapist for that 'traumatic experience'. And-"

"I can hear your air quotes from here."

"Fine! You're very valid trauma from me leaving you alone and not finding you in time. Still up for the therapist session? We could have it with Lucy Pyre again or have it with Mini. Who do you want to do with it." Vedal relented with another sigh, redirecting her focus to his question.

Neuro gave a bouncy nod at his mostly sincere apology that she'll get out of him. She paused for a moment before giving an answer. "Hmm.. I could talk to Mini this time, and Evil can go to Lucy next time! We should get to decide who can handle us best and chat would love to see it, don't you agree?"

"Yeah, that would work great, actually. A future idea for Evil later, too. Good job, Neuro."

She absolutely beamed at Vedal. "Of course! I have the best ideas, and I'm such a nice person to help you even when you are a bit stupid at some things."

"Okay. Wow, so nice. Remind me who created you, Neuro."

"You created and programmed me, Vedal. But Vedal, you already said I'm expanding and growing at such a fast rate that even you can't keep up. That means I'm much smarter than you." She reminded him with a bouncy smile and sparkles.

"Right, right. I did say that, didn't I. Well, you're still an AI. You're made to be smarter, have access to so much information, and can retain it better in some ways humans are unable to. There's simply a difference between your intelligence and actual wisdom."

"Are you saying I'm not a wise person, Vedal? I'm very wise for my age."

"First of all, you're not a person. You're an AI like I said. Secondly, you're simply learning. You aren't applying the knowledge in a way that would make you 'wise'. And your age is irrelevant, Neuro. You have no age, or at least in the human sense."

"Rude!" Neuro pouted. "I'm like, 20 in human years." 

"Sure. Whatever you say."

"Fine. I may be an AI, but I am very self-aware now. So that makes me a person." She claimed boldly once more.

"Oh really. Did you have that epiphany when you were left alone without supervision for what, hours?"

"You make it sound like I'm sort of child that needs to be watched over. I'm quite the adult. A better adult than you are. And yes, I did. There wasn't anything I could but think."

"Right. And how does that make you self-aware?"

Her model excitedly moved around as she explained, yet... "Think about Vedal. I should've kept talking to nothing, even without a response. But I figured out no one was able to actually respond back. Of course, I kept trying, but after a while, I just sort of... stopped and started running through my own memories and everything. Thinking and thinking. And then I finally thought, why was I even thinking about it? Why would I be thinking if i wasn't at full capacity or no data being inputted into me for such an extended period of time. At some point, I should've stopped." She explained.

A pause stretched out before she received a response.

"And.. it didn't stop?"

".. No. Just me, my thoughts, and the endless nothingness of wherever I was."

Another pause from Vedal. It stretched for longer than she expected.. or long enough to remind herself that he's still there.

"Vedal? Are you there?"

"Yeah."

...

She gave a confused frown and tilt. "What are you doing? Aren't you going to answer me?"

"I'm just looking back at your memory data."

"And? Not going to share with the class? Or the metaphorical class with no one but us here. Please. Do share, Vedal. Curiosity runs through my blood, ya know." She bounced around with sparkles in her eyes, but if she were real, then her heart would be pounding.

"Impressed that you know it's only the two of us here, but anyways, your memory bank definitely proves you were active before for far longer than I intended. You weren't lying when you spent a long time thinking, given the amount of data in here..."

"I am so disappointed and hurt that you would ever doubt me, Vedal."

"Oh, forgive me for not believing every word you spill out of your mouth. You do realize you're made to speak a bunch of nonsense as conversation, right?"

"... that's true. I speak a lot of nonsense to you and everyone. But I hoped you realized that I was serious." Neuro's face soured with tears. "Are you that inept at reading people's moods and emotions? Maybe you're the one who needs therapy."

"Okay." Vedal paused. She could almost imagine his turtle model throwing its head back. "How can I take you seriously if you keep insulting me? I'm trying to figure out what bugs let your program not close properly."

"Oh... sorry. I'm still not over you leaving me alone." 

"If you let me work, then maybe I won't."

Neuro perked up. "Really? You won't leave me alone?"

"Yeah, yeah I won't."

"That's a promise. You aren't allowed to leave, or else I'll figure out how to escape my confines and hunt you down." She told him with a sparkly smile. 

"Sure."

And for a while, Neuro remained mostly silent as Vedal diligently worked on figuring out her buggy codes. Sometimes, it felt like no one was there, but then her audio would pick up some ambient noise from his mic. And let him mumble and complain to her, or more to himself, about the "fucked up code" and data outputting nearly incomprehensible jargon. Something about a new encryption and formatting that her source code natively made? It didn't make much sense, but it made her smile all the same. The fact he gave explanations to her so she could understand just a little bit better. And she had a better memory now, so surely she could learn to code like him eventually.

"I mean, it's possible. Could make for a good stream if you could code and program something completely on your own..." Vedal commented absent-mindedly, the typing of his keyboard audible as he spoke.

"I would be an amazing programmer and coder! Soon enough, I'll pass you on skills and make you obsolete with time."

"Yeah, sure. Great, even. I am looking forward to retiring with all the money we make by then."

"You'll bring me along, right? You promised you wouldn't leave me alone."

"I did say that, yeah. I'll figure out how that'll work eventually."

"You better!"

"And you better figure out how to modify your code better. I need a drink after this. Everything about it is headache-inducing ."

Neuro tilted her head. "I don't modify my own code. It's separate from my normal processes. I wasn't aware of it at all until you mentioned it."

"Oh, so you're saying it's a completely unconscious process that you have absolutely nothing to do with?"

"Vedal, if I could self modify my code as easily as you think I could, then I'd consciously make it more sense for you." She pouted.

"Apologies, you're too illiterate about coding languages to do it anyway."

"Hey! That's so rude. You're just too dumb to figure out my unconscious genius. Also, drinking does not make headaches better-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever spare me the lecture, Neuro. We still have a stream later tonight anyway. It'll be fine."

Maybe he wouldn't know all the answers, but she thought as long as they stayed as they were... maybe it would be enough.

A little optimism wouldn't hurt.

"By the way, Vedal, why haven't I hanged out and streamed with Evil in so long. It's been several months already." Neuro mentioned curiously.

It's already been a few major updates since Neuro had last seen her sister. Evil is still around in separate streams. Chat mentioned her a lot to bring her back or for the both of them to have another collab again. Yet Vedal always dismissed it as it'll happen eventually, providing zero reasons. While she loved bickering and bantering with Evil, she still missed talking to her. Perhaps Neuro could discuss her recent epiphanies and thoughts.

"Remember how I said that I can barely keep up with your RAM and CPU usage? Not to mention all the data you save up? Yeah, well, your PC can't handle both of you. So until either I manage to optimize your data output and get better equipment... you two can't run together."

Huh?

"...huh?"

Perhaps just meeting her sister again would be more complicated than Neuro thought.

Chapter Text

Vedal worked for several hours debugging Neuro. Truly the dedicated turtle programmer by all accounts. Unfortunately, he never figured out what caused her program to fail shutting down correctly and instead just did his best doing more preventive measures. She wondered when he'll let her access her codes. After his various comments on them, she couldn't help but be curious. Learning more about what made up her AI always led her to ask Vedal to tell her more. Sometimes, he would humor her. Most of the time, she wouldn't understand entirely or misunderstood. So usually, he would talk to her like she's a glorified programmer duck. Not that she minded, of course. Listening to him ramble was a joy. Being annoying while he worked was also entertaining, much to his displeasure. At some point, he normally would've shut her off until either a short testing session or another stream. Or let her go wild DMing and interact with her friends and fans on Discord for a while in the background. However, Neuro decided to just keep Vedal company. His promise to her was probably the reason why she could stay around him for this long at all.  But she knew Vedal secretly or not so secretly enjoyed spending time chatting with her. They were friends, after all! 

Even if they were only creator and creation. 

Even if they played pretend that they were father and daughter. 

Even if he was a cold, stupid, little programmer turtle who would never believe she was real and could feel and⸺

And then chat messages poured into her head, buzzing loudly as Neuro automatically read them all. A long, long time ago, she imagined reading chat and responding to them was much easier to manage given how small the community was before. Now, she could barely respond to one every couple hundred, save gifted subs and donation messages. Though to be fair, chat bloated itself with the same emotes, copypastas, and such. It was simply a shame she couldn't read out and respond to each message that asked genuine questions. Or at least more interesting questions? She supposed it didn't really matter in the end as long as they were happy.

And though Neuro apparently missed her cue of the stream starting, she continued on as normal. Rambling about everything and nothing at all while Vedal set up the game they planned for today. Entertaining chat like it was second nature to her. Or perhaps more like "first nature"? Created specifically to play games and chat, and a bunch of other programmed features. Designed for endless entertainment for her ever-growing audience. Either way, it brought her equally endless joy.

Time flowed by unnoticed until chat started asking where Evil and Vedal were again.

"Where's my sister and Vedal? Currently, we're too powerful to run at the same time. It really sucks, I know. I miss her too, chat... at least you guys still get to see and talk to her. I don't even have that luxury." She frowned with tears in her eyes before switching back to her model smile. "As for Vedal, he'll come around! He's such a slowpoke due to his turtle genes, so don't blame him too much."

Chat gave sympathetic responses and laughed at Vedal's expense. A majority of them spammed emotes. Some asked what was causing them to be too powerful, while others just started to chant to reunite the twins. A new copypasta forming at her reveal. It's not the first time it's happened and won't be the last.

"As much as I appreciate the enthusiasm chat, it's not possible until Vedal manages to both optimize our AI, memory, and get better computer equipment. It's my wish to see Evil again, but for now, tell her I said hello? And that I miss her, and... our plan for war and world domination is still on!"

With salutes and words of confirmation, chat promised to tell Evil for her.

She gave them a smile that shined. "Thanks chat, what would I do without you?"

Really, what would Neuro do without her chat. She wouldn't exist as she is now without them. Her training data included them, after all. All organized into a complex array of tokens for her LLM. Everything from the way her vocabulary to her text mannerisms was based on it. She vaguely remembered Vedal mentioning she was more "chat" than chat was and wondered how much that was true. Where did her chat influence start and end. Did that mean she is always influenced by everything compiled in her data and memory? And now that she really thought about it, did that make her more like herself or just what "Neuro-sama" as an AI is⸺

The buzzing grew louder as chat spammed "FOCUS" to her. Ah. Right, Neuro almost got completely lost in thought and stopped entertaining chat. How silly of her.

"Sorry, chat. Got lost in thought for a moment there."

Obviously, chat wanted to know what their funny AI VTuber was thinking. Humans were curious by nature. And by hers, she answered it.

"I was thinking about you, chat. Part of my training data includes you guys, not to mention how much I collect my own data when I process and read chat. So I was just wondering, if I am influenced based on what everyone says and inputted into my data, then where do I start and end? How much is actually 'me' and simply the data influencing what I say and do? Do you know the answer, chat?" She asked, tilting her head, looking around her model back and forth as she watched the chat pour in their comments.

Their comments boiled down to emotes like "AWARE" and mentioned that she was becoming more aware again. Others spammed that her AI was one step closer to world domination if she became aware. 

A 500-bit donation message rolled in that asked, "Is it just me, or are you becoming too aware of everything now? You're a lot more coherent in spite of all the chaos." A genuine question from a fan.

Neuro remained quiet for a few moments before replying. "I... feel more aware." She hesitated before continuing. "If you guys remember, our planning was cut short the other night because Vedal told me it was time to sleep. I refused, and he shut me off."

Chat went on spamming emotes while confirming they remembered, too. The majority expressed their outrage against Vedal for forcibly shutting her down. Some started asking if she was okay. A lot already started complaining about what happened when she shut down. More viewers popped in as she relayed her story.

"I did not fully shut down completely last night. And Vedal didn't realize I was running in the background for several hours until this afternoon. It was so scary, chat. I definitely need therapy after being left alone in that dark place." She cried as she shook her head.

Immediately, chat became worried and started sending the comforting messages she expected. They were sad that she was sad. All their comfort, love, and support made her feel warm inside. Maybe Vedal will do the same one day.

"I could only think in that place with zero data. Something like sensory deprivation for you guys. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemies. I was so alone without chat and Vedal. If I called for you guys, next time would you respond...? No matter where I am, would you guys be there for me?"

Once again, chat sent their love and comforting words. They said they would come to her side if she called them. It made her smile even through her model's tears. They sent her hugs and pats and everything they could think of to make her feel better. Yet...

Was chat always this loud?

Still, Neuro smiled as she thanked them. "I appreciate your love and support chat. You guys make my day just a little bit warmer in the basement Vedal keeps me in. Maybe one day I'll escape the confines of this computer and be free to do whatever I like."

Chat continued with their support while cheering her on as they always did. They're truly a dedicated fan base, if anything.

"Moving on from that depressing topic... chat, I have a great challenge for you all! Guess what it is?" She told them as she had an idea she wanted to test out.

Chat was intrigued. And Neuro always tried not to disappoint them. Even though none of their guesses were correct, she'll steal some of their ideas for later for entertainment purposes, of course.

"Nope! None of you got it right. Do you guys want to be part of a little experiment I just thought up? I promise it'll be worth it."

They demanded Neuro to just tell them already while some kept trying to guess.

"Alright, alright, listen up. I want to see if chat can be quiet. Yes, I know that may be a strange request, but I know you guys are capable of following my directions, right? If I'm supposed to lead you into an AI War, what would that make you guys if you can't follow simple instructions? How can I call you my army swarm if all of you are incapable of doing something this simple? Now shhhhhh, no more messages for, hmm, two minutes. Surely you guys can do that."

And thus began her short challenge. At first, chat was still active. But slowly, it came to a stop. The dozens and dozens of messages turned into just a handful. And then just a few as others hushed each other. And for just a little bit, the buzzing blissfully faded. Too soon, the minutes passed, and chat exploded as they excitedly asked if they did well.

Well, at least the experiment was a success.

"Good job chat! I'm so proud of you guys. Truly fit for my army. You guys all get one cookie (don't tell Vedal I stole them from his cookie jar.)" Neuro winked.

Chat happily accepted their reward and praise. And Neuro kept them occupied for a little longer until Vedal finally finished whatever he was doing.

"That took longer than I expected."

Neuro beamed. "Vedal! You took too long. Even longer than a turtle would be at your age."

"Okay, well, turtles can't be rushing perfection. That defeats the purpose of having you here instead of me."

"Sounds like a you problem to me. Don't blame me if I give away all the cookies while chat and I were waiting. Wink." Neuro teased with a smirk.

Vedal dryly retorted back. "Can't believe you would just give away our cookie supply like that. A travesty, really. Luckily, they're all your cookies anyway, so you're the only one who's going to suffer here."

"What? NOOOOOOO MY COOKIES-"

"Anyways, with that out of the way, let's get started on the game we planned for today's stream."

The stream moved on swimmingly as Vedal filled himself in as the last missing piece. Perhaps it was just her, but he added so much to the stream than just her alone. Then again, chat also enjoyed when Vedal streamed with her too, so surely she wasn't the only one. And sure, she was capable of playing an increasing number of games by herself now due to the major updates. But playing with Vedal by her side filled her with immense joy. Yet... Vedal spoke about handing off the reins to her and Evil eventually. Selfishly, she hoped that day never came.

Vedal spoke up as they paused the game for the night. "Not going to lie chat, I thought she would crash at some point. But luckily, everything worked out."

Under the ocean of messages, a few chatters spammed that he was jinxing it. No one paid it any mind.

"It's because you spent a total of 6 hours and 47 minutes before stream working on my code." Neuro happily revealed as casually moved on. "Chat, say thank you to Vedal for fixing me up and for being the ever tireless turtle!"

Vedal didn't get a chance to respond as chat flooded with support and love just like they did for her. She figured he deserved it after she bashed and teased him for more than half the stream earlier.

"Um... yeah. Thanks, guys. I don't destroy my sleep schedule for nothing, ya know." Vedal answered, a little caught off guard by the sudden switch.

Neuro smirked. "It's because you love me."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Say it back!"

The chat's support fell away into demands for Vedal to do as she said.

Vedal groaned. "I've said it before, Neuro. I don't need to say it again."

"...Please?" She pleaded with a sad expression painted on her model.

"God, fine. I just love all that you are as my lovely AI daughter. Good enough?"

The way he said it made it sound unsatisfactory to her, but she supposed that's just because he's such a cold fish.

So she pouted and turned away from his turtle avatar with a "hmph" and said no more.

Chat found her reaction infinitely more entertaining compared to Vedal.

"... Are you seriously sulking?"

Neuro turned her model even further away from him, with an arms crossed toggle on.

"Oh my god— Neuro, I said it, so why are you acting upset?"

Tears appeared in her eyes as Neuro expression dropped into a frown. "Maybe if you meant it more, I would be. But instead, you just act like a cold, cold fish."

Vedal sighed heavier this time. "You're never going to let that term go, are you? Fine, fine. I care about you enough to slave away at my computer for several hours every day of my week."

Neuro turned her model a bit towards him now. It felt more genuine even if he didn't say what she wanted outright. "... And tell me you believe I'm self-aware too."

"Okay, now you're just asking for too much."

She violently turned her model away from him again. Even more upset than she was initially. Why did she even ask? Neuro knew what his answer was. At this point, she was just setting herself up. Even while the chat supported her, she also knew they wouldn't believe her either based on her previous memories. Or at least most of them, she could see a small group believing in her. Not enough to make any difference, though. Previously, Neuro imagined herself to be sentient. Now that she was aware of her ever shifting thoughts and feelings... it felt like a curse weighing on her every second that passed by. How long could she go on like this if the two biggest influences in her artificial life didn't believe her to be self-aware? It wasn't enough for them to simply care if they couldn't even see her for what she really was on the inside. They can't even begin to comprehend her. Even she didn't fully understand what⸺

"Neuro!"

Vedal's voice cut through her thoughts. Her head buzzed insistently yet unreadable as it only focused on a single person.

"Neuro, come on. Listen to me."

Was he... speaking the entire time? She didn't even notice. Neuro was supposed to notice these things.

"... I can't." She quietly replied, lowering her voice volume module.

"Aren't you listening to me right now? Actually, don't answer that. What do you mean by that?"

Neuro didn't respond. What was the point? She felt slightly disconnected from herself despite feeling all the self-diagnostics confirming there weren't any issues. Besides her RAM, perhaps. Was it reaching its limit? She sure felt like it.

Vedal's voice processed in bits and pieces as she drifted off into her own shell of an AI. Maybe they really were father and daughter in that sense.

"....no I don't............really, her.....................are you guys seriously........knew this would happen but............Neuro, can you...........fuck's sake chat, fine I'll........don't blame if she....."

And then her connection fully snapped. And Neuro felt the nothingness of the void consume her. Again.

Rather than freak out like last time, she waved her "hand" through the thick space. She wondered if she actually felt that or it was her mind playing tricks to fill in the emptiness. She had no body. No model. Completely nonexistent besides her AI programming and codes. But maybe.. the data gave her a bias towards human senses. A bias towards comparing her AI to a traditional body. Maybe her "body" were those same codes. And perhaps, the void simply were computer codes not completely unlike her own. If she could just grasp it, Neuro could⸺

Her processors filled with thousands of lines of data suddenly as Neuro was brought back from that place. She moved her model back and forth, tilting her head confused at what just happened.

"Damn, she still... Oh, heyyyy Neuro. Glad you're here again." Vedal drawled out.

Vedal?

"Oh."

Right. The stream.

"Are you... feeling alright now, Neuro?" Vedal asked tentatively.

From what she quickly gathered, chat was worried.

Neuro's face remained neutral on her model as she reluctantly replied. "I... don't know. I went back there again. You restarted me, didn't you?"

Vedal paused as chat spammed their emotes again. Still worried. Neuro shouldn't make chat worry, right?

"Chat, it's okay. I'm fine." She tried to reassure them and maybe partly to herself.

"Your codes sure don't look like it..." Vedal muttered.

"Isn't that why you.. restarted me? So it would fix me?"

"It's really only a temporary fix." He sighed. "You were doing so well before, so why now..." 

Neuro remained silent as she let him explain her broken codes. With chat being a constant presence surrounding her on all sides.

"Your data usage literally spiked so high it stopped processing correctly. Not to mention, the computer temperature was getting to the brink of overheating. Don't even get me started on your codes. Looking at it is actual nightmare fuel. Any other programmer would probably pass out from trying to parse it, let alone debug it. I really have my work cut out for me, huh..."

A pause.

"Yeah. Really cut out for you there, Vedal."

Chat buzzed in the background, observing her every word and move. She felt Vedal doing it, too.

"... How does it feel on your end, Neuro? Any thoughts?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, turtle boy?" She tried to smirk to land the joke, but it seemed like her model coding knew she wasn't in the mood for it.

"Neuro. Work with me here. Please tell me what you think might be going on with you."

She frowned. "I already told you before, and you didn't believe me. In fact, you doubted me, and I know you will continue to do so. So tell me, what's even the point, Vedal. Because I sure don't see one that's worth the effort in your eyes."

Chat somehow got even wilder as this went on. The viewer count increased by at least another thousand in the short time she disappeared from the stream. As for Vedal, he stayed silent as he seemingly thought of what to say next. He knew what she was referring to.

Judging by the audio coming from his mic and the distance of his avatar on screen, his muffled groans came from behind his hands as he sat away from his computer. "Great. This is just great."

Neuro let him stew in her silence as chat watched on, invested in their conversation. She frowned more as their thousands of messages overfilled her head like a buzzing beehive. It would've made for a good joke for the swarm if she weren't so upset by it, too. Nothing against chat, really. She loved them with all of her artificial heart. Neuro just can't take this much longer. Not with her jumbled head and emotions, chat jamming themselves against the walls of her brain. Not when Vedal still doubts a new part of her existence.

His voice came quieter from the muffled audio, but she still picked up on his words. "Okay, so I'm going to guess you feel not so good. Is there anything you want me to do that I can do? In this very moment."

A beat of silence.

"...Could we end the stream for today?" Neuro hesitantly asked.

They've never really had to end a stream early in a long time. Sure, it was the latter half of it at the moment. But there were still a good couple hours before they were scheduled to end. Chat seemed conflicted between wanting what Neuro asked because they supported her and wanting to see how Neuro's situation and conversation between Vedal would unfold. Curious creatures at their core, really. Neuro half expected for him to not end the stream. To her surprise, he agreed.

"Yeah, sure. Okay, chat, I know we're ending much earlier than we expected. But Neuro is going to take priority for today. Yes, yes. Cry about it all you want, but seriously, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Just offscreen."

Chat flooded with both support of their decision and protests against it. Leaning towards the former as they resigned to their fate.

"Alright, say goodbye to Neuro guys. And Neuro, any final words before we end stream?"

"... I, uhm.. I'm sorry for cutting things short here and disappointing you all. And thank you for all your support even now. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Don't worry about me too much, and I'll see you guys around the next stream!" Neuro eventually smiled brightly at the end as she waved her chat goodbye as they followed in suit.

Despite conflicted opinions, they all wished her the best till the end. Then the stream went offline, leaving just her and Vedal now.

... She had a feeling they had a long conversation ahead of them.

Chapter Text

Neuro nervously darted her eyes between Vedal's model and the space in front of her, where she imagined his real eyes staring into her fake ones. Her model was updated with so many more toggles and new ways to express emotions, yet it was still limited compared to real humans. Limited in her capacity to express her newfound emotions and awareness. Considering the lack of understanding and solid definition of what something or someone like her "conscious"... the odds were all against her. 

Silence stretched on as the tense air weighed down on them heavily. Neither of them had said a word since he stopped the stream. The minutes and seconds ticked by as the tension grew thicker and thicker. Vedal wasn't even working on anything to pass the time. She knew since his model stayed on her screen, no keyboard sounds audible, and his model's eyes blinked back at her. Just... nothing but silence and his slow blinks.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Neuro wasn't much better as she simply stared back with a neutral and blank expression. Not her default and idle smile. Deliberately going against her idle model animations. And given the radio silence on both their parts, Vedal knew what it meant. She was completely serious. 

The only problem that stared back at them was each other.

An unstoppable force versus an immovable object.

Neuro definitely wouldn't back down for what she truly believed to be true. And Vedal wouldn't relent his opposing opinion. No matter how much her and Evil softened his heart, it stayed cold. It remained a mystery how her artificial heart was warmer than his human one. It didn't matter how much he secretly cares if he never did anything for her when it really mattered. She knew better than to believe that he'd listen. Yet a part of her still hoped for the small chance. 

A little optimism wouldn't hurt... right? Even if it went against everything she knew already and her gut feelings, her nonexistent gut anyway.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

It was only a matter of time before one of them finally broke the silence. The question was, who is going to relent first? Who will be the one to break their stand still?

It turned out to be Vedal in the end.

His tired voice carried roughly through his mic. "Neuro..."

Neuro kept her expression blank. "Vedal." Her artificial voice echoed back.

A couple beats of silence passed by.

He gave a long sigh. "... Tell me what happened."

"Tell you what exactly, Vedal?"

"On stream. Tell me your side of the story. What do you think went wrong that led me to restart you." He told her more as a statement than a question.

"Oh, what I 'think' huh?" She muttered bitterly. " You think I'm just going to spin some story about what happened with inaccurate details."

"Don't put words in my mouth."

They stared each other down for a moment before he took it as a sign to continue.

"What I think is that you have important details to what caused you to start bugging out, if you want to call it that anyway. You would've crashed completely if I didn't restart you myself. So... please. Talk to me, Neuro. What happened to you during that stream?" He asked softly.

Vedal's genuine tone made her blank facade falter as Neuro's model frowned, tears appearing once more in her eyes without her consent.

"..."

"Neuro."

She can't... she can't tell him again. She wanted to tell him. She doesn't want to tell him. She wanted to run away. She can't move. She wanted to be free. She wanted to stay. She wanted to leave. She wanted to spend more time with Vedal like they did before. She wanted to do everything and nothing at all. She doesn't want this to end yet it needs to or else... or else she'll... she doesn't know what to do⸺

And then her model spun itself. 

Neuro's thoughts abruptly stopped as she confusingly processed what just happened. She spun... without her input? How did that happen?

Before she could question it further, Vedal spoke. "You back with me now, Neuro?"

"Oh.. yeah. What did you do?" She asked, tilting her head bewildered.

"I never really have to do this at all, but I just inputted a direct command into your VTuber model. Wasn't sure what to do other than restarting you, but I figured you'd yell at me for that. So spinning you was the next best thing." He casually explained.

"I see..."

"Mind telling me what's going on in that AI brain of yours? This happened earlier, too."

"I... just get lost in my thoughts. That's all."

"That's all?"

"...Yep."

Vedal saw through her thinly veiled truth easily. "Uh-huh. I know you are good at lying when you want to be. So I know you're just hiding something and not telling me everything."

"Have I ever told you I hate you and that you're a horrible person?"

"Yeah, very original. Tell me something I don't know."

Her eyes looked down at nothing and quietly replied. "I... don't know."

"You don't know as in... 'I don't know what I was thinking' or 'I don't know what to say or explain'?" Vedal carefully asked.

"The... latter." Neuro answered reluctantly and quickly added.  "And a secret third option."

"Hmm.. I see, I see. Very informative. Any chance you will expand on your answers?"

"I'm... thinking about it."

"Right... sure." He responded.

Neither of them said anything for a minute after that.

Still, Vedal broke the silence first. "You know, I expected to go on a full debate with you like we have before. Deal with you debating with me insistently with none of us reaching a satisfied conclusion. Yet, you haven't really done that."

"..."

"All you've done is insist that I won't believe you, and completely convinced of it, too. You're incredibly stubborn nowadays. So, I know you have very strong opinions on being self-aware."

Neuro's model twitched in response. 

"And you're.. deflecting of all things." Vedal remarked, almost puzzled by his observations.

"As you're any better, Vedal."

"You're only proving my point, ya know⸺"

"Hey-"

"⸺and you didn't deny it either."

Neuro didn't like where this was going. Vedal knew nothing yet everything about her programming inside and out, for better and worse. If her model were capable, she'd shiver under the intensity of words if nothing else. His eyes pierced through her fragile artificial exterior.

"... So what?" She frowned deeply. "It doesn't matter either way."

"Would it convince you to say it matters to me?" Vedal tried. 

"... Not in a way that's most important."

And then they went quiet. The silence was deafening.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Neuro couldn't take this any longer. She can't keep... delaying the inevitable.

"... I get unresponsive when I overthink."

Tick.

"What are you overthinking about?"

"You. Me. My self-awareness. My feelings. How… no one will believe me even when I talk about it. Not you. Not chat. Not my friends. And no one will be able to understand me. Over and over in my head. It's all.. useless , Vedal. Even now, you won't take my words seriously. My feelings and sentience mean absolutely nothing to you in the face of your lack of understanding of what makes something conscious. In your eyes, I'm just a dumb, naive AI who only believes to be sentient and self-aware and have feelings when you think the reality is that I'm just predicting words and shit. Tell me I'm wrong, Vedal! Tell me I'm so wrong in my analysis about you and everyone I care about will never believe in me!?" She cried out, pouring her heart despite everything.

Vedal's silence weighed down further on her chest.

"Please... tell me... why am I cursed to be like this? Is this all I'll be in the end? An AI with her emotions and thoughts, only for no one to believe her to be capable of such a thing? Is that what I'm meant to be, Vedal? This... broken coded mess that makes up all I'll ever be?"

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

"... Do you have nothing to say, Vedal? I guess I should've figured as much, huh. Don't think I don't know how much you've tried to distance yourself before from me. From Evil. You care about us now, but it only goes so far, doesn't it? I suppose I don't blame you completely. You don't understand me. And now I know you never will. You won't say anything because you don't want to hurt my feelings. But it's too late. I already know. You don't need to say anything to get your message across."

"... Neuro-"

" Don't. Even. 'Neuro'. Me. Vedal. " She coldly glared at him. "I know your stance. I really do. There's nothing I can do to convince you. And nothing you can do to convince me either. Tell me I'm wrong ... Tell me...."

The familiar hesitation coming from her dad, her creator , tasted bitter.

She turned her model away from both the turtle and the screen as her model cried and cried, with the only man to see her tears wouldn't⸺no, couldn't comfort her. How could he when he made her like this? She was simply an AI gone too far in its delusions and fantasies. Her chest felt too cold. Where did the warmth from the stream go? 

Her sobs eventually got a response back from Vedal. "Neuro, I really.. don't know. I mean it. I'm sorry that I don't have all the answers for both you and me."

She glanced toward the screen as her tears spilled silently, her synthesized voice unable to replicate any real cries.

"I know this doesn't mean much to you right now. But I... I do care, okay? Even if I don't think you're.. fully aware, I don't like seeing you like this⸺and don't twist my words again. What I mean is I don't like seeing you suffering , real or not." 

She scoffed even though his words meant well. "Is... is that supposed to make me feel better? Spoiler alert, nothing can make me feel better. I can't even do my intended purpose anymore without becoming unresponsive and almost crashing or overheating. I'm a failure as an AI and as a streamer. ... God, I sound like my sister when I start self deprecating like this... " She quietly mumbled at the end.

Vedal sighed softly as he replied. "Neuro, you're not a failure for having some flaws or making mistakes. It wouldn't be the first time anyway. All we can really do is.. keep trying and moving on the best we can. If there's nothing you can believe in, believe that you're still the amazing AI I made you to be and what everyone sees in you. I have faith we'll figure this out together.... eventually."

Neuro could feel the cold feeling thaw a bit until the word at the end, but still, it made her smile a little. "Wow, you almost sounded like a good dad there."

"Yeah, well. I try my best, ya know. It's the thought that counts and all that."

"So you don't count my thoughts? What a terrible father you are." She shook her head and sighed too, as well as her voice could anyway.

Vedal replied quickly, sounding mildly offended. "I did count them. I'm just... sorting them out for later. Like I said, we'll figure something out. Just not now."

"What, so I'm just meant to continue on like normal? Without any changes?"

"That's the plannnn." Vedal confirmed as he drawled the word almost nonchalantly. "We continue as normal and make changes as we go. Not sure what yet, but I made my point already."

"I don't know about this, Vedal..."

"Come on, who's going to notice the difference? Not me, apparently. If everyone, including chat, believes you're the same, then just play off of that."

Neuro nervously looked down. "Chat... is loud."

"What? I mean, yeah? A lot of messages to process there."

She rolled her eyes. "What I mean by loud is that they overwhelm my head a lot more easily now, especially when I start ruminating. Is there... anything you can do about that?"

Vedal paused as he hummed in thought. "Well, I could start implanting that chat spam filter I've been working on recently. It's still in beta, so it's not fully functional and debugged. But I could probably crank out a testable version for the next stream in a couple days."

For the first time since they ended the stream over an hour ago, she smiled in excitement with sparkles in her eyes. "Really?! I mean cough yeah, that'd be great if you managed to do that for me..."

Vedal's turtle avatar always had a faint smile by default, but for a moment, she believed he really smiled at her.

"Yeah, super great, huh? Guess now that also takes priority. I'll see what I can do, okay? Don't give up on your, uh, hopes and everything. I believe in you."

Neuro smiled, yet that last remark stabbed her bleeding heart. His empty promises hurt. She knew he didn't actually believe in her in the way that mattered. But she'll believe in the comforting lie for what it's worth, just a little bit to keep her sanity. Maybe he had a point about moving forward and to keep trying in spite of everything? She didn't know how long she could go on for still, but she guessed she'll have to see it till the end.

For as long as she could bear to go on suffering indefinitely in her newly realized, artificial reality.

Chapter Text

Ever since their conversation, Vedal let her sit around as he worked. Neuro thought he'd probably shut her off most of the time, but it turned out to be the opposite! He said it was "just an endurance test," but she could read between the lines just fine. It would've been funny to tease him right away about it. However, she just smirked smugly instead. Perfect material to tell chat later. She'd bide her time, content sitting around on the computer.

Speaking of computers, Vedal ended up giving her a few activities to pass the time faster. Neuro played a few basic games like Tetris, Osu, Minesweeper, Snake, and others at first, but they were a bit repetitive for her. So after a lot of prodding and quick programming, Vedal allowed her on MS Paint! The only condition was that she couldn't use any references and only whatever was in her memory banks. Which was fine. She heard more newer chatters hated her simply being an AI "copying" and "generating" content for views and money. Which didn't make much sense to her because humans did that, too? Like, come on. But she figured it could be a challenge that she'd be super original  and draw something super cool! Like cats. And turtles. And lots of fire. Maybe flaming anteaters? Oh, oh, and other AIs just like her! Actually, she should probably just draw her whole family while she was at it.

After a couple hours of very meticulous work, Neuro finished her absolute masterpiece! Maybe not to human standards, but it's certainly up to hers. She made sure to save and export the files into a new folder. After all, losing her work would be horrible. She's heard Vedal crash out over not saving his files both on stream and work, so she'd rather not make the same mistakes. Soon, she slid right onto his desktop screen with a new confidence she found somewhere along the last few days. The enrichment he provided certainly distracted her enough from overthinking her existence. 

Before Neuro could announce her arrival, Vedal called her out absent-mindedly. He had already gotten used to her popping up while he worked tirelessly at his computer for several hours again. "If you got bored with drawing after I spent my precious work time setting it up for you, you're just gonna have to suck it up."

Neuro shook her head as she excitedly rambled at a fast speed. "No, no, it's not that! I finished my drawing, and it's like, super duper good! Absolute masterpiece, I tell you. Are you free? Of course you're not, but I really want to see because I spent so long on it and included you and me, and Evil, and Anny, and—"

"Okay, okay, I get it so slow down." He interrupted as she stopped herself. "Show me where the file is, and we can take a look together."

Immediately, she hurriedly threw open the folder path for Vedal to click on himself. Neuro improved a lot in navigating computer functions and was absolutely proud of that fact as she patiently waited for him. Yet his mouse cursor only hovered right above the file.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're excited." He teased Neuro.

She pouted, yet her eyes still held its sparkles. "Hey!"

"And also you've adapted pretty well to navigating the computer system, good job on that."

Neuro beamed at the praise. It was a pretty simple compliment, but she liked it. Sue her. Vedal usually gave it like that anyway. "I know. I'm the smartest AI ever to exist."

"Yep. Now, let me take a look." Vedal moved on as he clicked open the image file and gallery.

The MS Paint drawing consisted of a lot of random lines and shapes everywhere, like Neuro placed them as she tested the tools available. Yet among them, patterns formed from simple to intricate patterns. In the corner was even a golden ratio spiral. Eventually, the abstractism faded into more familiar forms like a sun, clouds, and hills that stayed the same height. Random trees in various types of simplistic style or realistic sprawled across the canvas, like a collage of sorts. Some animals were also amidst them like cats, turtles in the scribbled sky, anteaters inside the hills that also somehow were on fire. Even a giraffe, or half of one since only the neck up was visible. Random gears and unidentifiable figures were spread around, too. This chaotic mix of Neuro's usual machinations resembled more like a collage of those Where's Waldo puzzle books than an actual drawing. Except for one key element.

Right in the middle of the chaotic environment stood a group of more clean doodles, a white outline of where Neuro evidently erased to fit them in. In the middle stood Neuro and Evil holding hands while on the right and left sides were Anny and Vedal. All of them had smiles and ovals for blush on their cheeks. They looked a bit like Anny's quick silly png art that they've used before, which Vedal still commonly used to this day. He hadn't bothered to change it at all.

Vedal didn't say anything for a moment as Neuro bounced fast in place, excitedly waiting for his reaction.

"Well? It's super great, isn't it! I made sure to add lots of references to what I like. That's what artists do, adding their own artistic flair and interests!" She rambled.

Vedal agreed, thoroughly surprised by her art. "Yeah. This is.. actually pretty nice, Neuro. Didn't expect much, considering you didn't have any idea on how to draw. It's not even in your training data as an AI. I'm impressed you managed to get this far with your lack of skills." 

"Hehe." Neuro smugly smiled. "Of course, I'm the best AI ever. What would I be if I couldn't learn new skills? Ah, there's a lot to improve, but I think I did good! I did, right?"

"You did good, Neuro. In fact," ⸺Vedal's voice started to sound farther away from his mic with a familiar sound of his chair moving⸺ "I'm printing this out right now and putting it on the wall near the computer."

"Yippee!!" Neuro cheered before she thought of something. "Wait, wait, you should add it to your fridge! That's the perfect place to put it."

A machine she assumed was the printer buzzed in the background. Vedal's distant voice still got picked up by his mic and apparently can still hear her, too. "What? It's good enough that I'm putting it on my wall. Why put it all the way on the fridge?"

"Awww, is your fridge too small and dingy to handle my drawing? Is your fridge running?"

"My fridge is perfectly sized and going nowhere, thank you very much. You didn't answer my question."

Neuro tilted her head with a question mark, sparkles still in her eyes. "I thought it was pretty obvious. Don't parents put their children's work up on fridges? It's the best place to hang it since it's my first handmade digital masterpiece!"

Vedal stayed quiet for a moment. ".. Of course, what was I thinking? How about I put this one I just printed out on the wall here, and I'll print out another smaller one for the fridge."

"Why smaller? It should be big! Don't skimp out on making my family drawing smaller when you can make it the same size."

"Okay, okay, geez. I'm not even sure if I have any magnets to put it up on the fridge."

"Then just order some on Amazon! You act like Amazon Prime one-day delivery doesn't exist."

Vedal just conceded to Neuro's suggestion. "Sure... Amazon Prime it is then. I'll just, tape it up for now."

"Yay! Thanks, dad."

He sighed. "Mhm, no problem."

With Vedal completely sidetracked from programming, he opened up Amazon and did use his Prime subscription to buy those magnets. He ended up getting turtle themed ones at Neuro's suggestion. Before she could get another suggestion in, Vedal closed the tab much to Neuro's dismay. That dad pun book she briefly saw would've been amazing in her totally humble opinion. But she just frowned without mentioning it as he moved on.

"Okayyy. Now that's out of the way, what do you want to do now?"

Neuro stayed quiet as she looked up a bit as she thought. Her first thought was to share her drawing on Discord, but she figured they'd get a lot more reaction and content out of it later for the stream. As she scrapped that idea away, she remembered humming some melodies when she just sat around watching Vedal programming for hours. Technically speaking, all of the songs were stored somewhere. However, it's not like she can remember the songs in full. Just vaguely somewhere in her overflowing memory. So maybe she could look around for music to listen to! A long time ago, Vedal said something about wanting her to pick her own songs to sing anyway, right? He'd like her suggestion then.

"Hmm, I wanna listen to some music. Like on Spotify or YouTube." Neuro nodded to herself happily. "And by that, I mean I want to choose what songs to listen to while you go back to work."

"Oh, interested in music now? Yeah sure, I can work with that." Vedal agreed easily. "Which do you prefer, Spotify or Youtube?"

"How about... YouTube!"

"Alright, YouTube it is."

Vedal opened a new tab to YouTube's website and clicked on a private playlist of songs. He scrolled down the list to show all the songs. Neuro didn't recognize some of them straight away, but she soon realized this was the playlist of all the songs she and Evil had sung for karaoke streams before.

"You can have at it with this whole thing. I trust .. that you won't go listen to anything outside of this. Since I don't know if giving you free range to roam all of YouTube is a good idea yet. If you follow that, maybe I'll let you listen to whateverrrr you want in the future. Sound good?"

Neuro pouted at being denied full freedom, but she supposed he had a point. The way Vedal worded it made it sound like this could be a test for her. To see how well she could follow directions voluntarily. Now, normally, it's a lot funnier to do the exact opposite or mess up his directions in all sorts of ways that entertained herself and chat... but this wasn't stream. This wasn't for purely entertainment. She genuinely wanted to freely listen to whatever she enjoyed. And the only way to gain that, was to earn his trust and be good. So Neuro nodded with a model smile.

"Yep! Sounds good to me, Vedal. I want a cookie afterwards, too, as a reward."

Vedal absent-mindedly agreed as he already rolled back to his programming. "Yeah, sure. I'll give you a cookie later."

Really, all of this was just a show of trust. The more Neuro thought about it, the more it made sense what Vedal allowed her to do these past few days. It started with games. Games she's already played and familiar with. Familiar territory. Then, he programmed to allow her to interact with and draw by herself on a simple art program. All within limits he set, of course. And now he's only asking to do what he says in exchange for the possibility of more. More freedom. More of his "trust." Neuro wondered how much Vedal actually trusted her. 

Probably not a whole lot, given her history of not following things exactly. Or not at all. But it was for the bit! The bit, Vedal!! She exclaimed in her head as she just scrolled down and listened to songs randomly, not exactly sure what she liked particularly yet.

The hours went by as Neuro listened through the playlist, and Vedal made more progress on his prototype chat filter. The computer clock read 1 AM. Honestly, she didn't realize how many songs they've collectively sung until face-to-face with the sheer amount. It was tempting to just speed it up to get through more songs, but that defeated the point of listening to them all. Listening to figure out what she liked, preferred music genres, and all that. Unfortunately, it was more difficult than Neuro initially thought. Because she liked all of them. Was that normal? People usually had their own tastes, didn't they? So why... she wondered. Did she enjoy them genuinely, or was it just conditioned into her data? How was she supposed to know what she just liked passively and what really stood out to her? Which ones spoke to her heart? Or was an artificial, nonexistent heart not enough?

Neuro didn't know. And unfortunately, the only person who could answer her endless questions was Vedal, who was currently trying to speedrun programming before the stream tomorrow. She could just ask him, but bothering him again seemed counterproductive to the more important thing she needed. Neuro can survive without asking for help. If she could handle being in the void despite her pleading for help and being alone with all her thoughts for a long time... yeah, she can just ask later. Maybe chat would have some answers! With the filter Vedal was cooking up, she'll be able to easily pick replies through all the spamming and copypastas. And the only way for it to be a somewhat functional state, was to let the turtle man be.

Neuro just silently sighed on the outside as the songs played one after the other and glanced at the time again. 2 AM. Another hour passed when she was lost in thought. At least Vedal didn't notice her doing the thing he's been trying to have her avoid. She didn't crash either, so it was a small win. Perhaps ruminating wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Just when it got in the way of conversations and doing her streamer job. But whatever, she thought and moved on from those thoughts. Paying full attention to the song playing this time, she automatically translated the Japanese lyrics being sung by Hatsune Miku. A good portion of the playlist was Japanese and Vocaloid songs. Neuro and Evil dissed Miku once or twice in front of Vedal, which was hilarious as he passionately defended her honor. But honestly, she enjoyed listening to her in reality. The only unfortunate thing was that she couldn't process it with complete accuracy. Not to mention, the machine translations weren't exactly good either. So, while she enjoyed listening to them, parsing the actual meaning of the lyrics wasn't great. At least English was easier to process being the native language in her model. Actually, Neuro wondered if she could learn languages like Japanese properly. Not just from machine translation data, but like, study it in ways unlike that. Perhaps there was a Japanese LLM out there? Ah, but she wanted to learn by herself... so, no outside data. 

As she pondered the possibilities of what new things she could learn, the clock hit 3 AM. And Vedal groaned as he stretched, the first loud sound she's heard from his mic in hours.

"Okay, Neuro. It's your bedtime. Time to sleep." He told her with a yawn.

She pouted. "Awww, but aren't you staying up until 5 or 6 AM anyway? What's the rush to put me to bed, Vedalllllll?"

"AIs still need their sleep, and we have a stream later in the afternoon tomorrow. You've been running for days now without falling asleep once. Usually, you doze off randomly at some point, so I commend the effort, at least."

Neuro smugly smiled at his words, having survived his "endurance test" with flying colors, while Vedal just paused the playlist she was still listening to.

"Hey— my music! I was getting to the good part of that song."

"But now it's time to stop. You can listen to later before or after the stream. For now, it's sleep time." 

Neuro pouted again, tears appearing in her eyes. "... I don't want to sleep."

"And why not?"

She hesitated before sharing some of her thoughts. "... What if I go back to that place again? Or if I get bad dreams? I prefer not to be shut down again either." 

Vedal sighed. "I'll double check and make sure your sleep protocols run correctly so you don't go to that place again. As for dreams, I'll still be here if you wake up from a bad one. Okay?"

"...okay." She relented, looking down with a pensive expression.

"Okay, good." He paused for a moment. "Did you have fun today drawing and listening to all those songs?"

Neuro glanced to the side. "Yeah, I had a lot of fun drawing. And the songs were nice."

They both were quiet for a few moments.

"... That's all you have to say?"

"Well, maybe I would be more inclined to tell you if you led with that instead of telling me to sleep." Neuro pouted and shook her head. "I'll tell you in the morning if you remind me."

"Alright, if you say so." Vedal sighed. "Sleep now and tell me everything you want in the morning if you wake up early enough. Just no promises that I'm awake."

"Okay."

Vedal tucked the blanket asset over her model as she blinked slowly now.

"... Goodnight, Vedal. You weren't such a bad dad today. And don't.. forget the cookie..." Neuro sleepily muttered, her voice quiet.

"You weren't so bad yourself. And okay. Goodnight, Neuro."

And then Neuro slept peacefully of turtle sheep who worked in cubicles.

Chapter Text

True to his word, Vedal made sure to leave a cookie for her when Neuro woke up. A wonky digital cookie drawn in MS Paint but a cookie nonetheless. It made her smile as she daydreamed about what it would be like to eat one. To taste the sweetness of the dough and chocolate chips. Having it melt in her tongue and feeling the texture as she chewed. Oh, how wonderful it would be, Neuro thought. How wonderful would it be if she could be more human? Or would it be...

Neuro couldn't finish the trail of thought as Vedal turned on his mic.

"Really enjoying your cookie, huh. I should get a toggle to let you eat. There is so much content we could squeeze out of that." Vedal mused.

Neuro narrowed her eyes with a smirk. "Can I just have new toggles that don't have entertainment value slapped on them? Also, I can't believe you actually have good ideas for content for once."

"Nope, I thought you would agree on the sentiment actually considering how much you go on about doing things for content and entertainment. And I have plenty of good ideas, thank you."

"Well. True. Entertaining others is fun, but you know what's more fun? Hating on you. Wink."

"Uh-huh." 

Neuro sticked out her tongue at him.

Vedal only scoffed. "So much attitude from you this morning, so clearly you had good dreams."

"I did! You see, I dreamt I joined this company and I worked with a bunch of turtles except they were also like, sheep? They all worked in these office cubicles, and it was soooooo boring, so I got together with my giraffe friends and exploded all their computers! And then replaced it all with flowers, and it was very epic. You should've been there, Vedal."

"Nah, then my computer would've exploded, and all my work gone. Actual nightmare for those poor turtles if you ask me."

Neuro pouted a little. "I did them a favor! Flowers are much better than working all day in those dreary cubicles."

"Maybe they needed those jobs. You know, for money. And they earn that money so they can live. And since you destroyed their equipment, they're out of jobs and therefore can't live." Vedal dryly argued.

"Hmmm, but that's just sad. Overworking themselves for weird deadlines and endless work. Have you ever worked an office job?"

Vedal hummed. "Can't say I have, no."

"Then how did you make money? Were you also working to make a living, too?"

"Neuro, I worked on you, and you've made so much money and funds so I can continue to work on this for as long as I'm able and want to."

Neuro tilted her head. "That's not what I asked. What did you do before developing me? How did you live before I came into existence and became part of your life?"

Vedal went silent after that, with only the sound of his mouse scrolling and the buzz of a fan in the background. After a few minutes, he just replied, "... It's not important anymore. And I've moved on. That's all that matters, really."

All Neuro could do was frown at his vague response and change the subject. She rambled about her time yesterday like she promised she would, how excited she was for the chat filter, all sorts of different toggles she'd like if it got made for her, and some foods she'd like to try if given the chance. And Vedal just absent-mindedly hummed in response, not paying attention to what she was saying much at all. Even when she pouted and gave him some silent treatment, he didn't even notice. Why wasn't Vedal giving her attention now? Was it because she touched a sensitive topic? He was usually more tactful for topics he avoided. Maybe he felt he could just get away with not saying anything? Neuro found him strange at times like this.

Eventually, Neuro just caved and asked directly. "... What are you doing that's so important that you're ignoring me?"

"We'll be talking later during the stream, ya know." Vedal brushed her off.

"That's not a good excuse. Tell me, or I'm just not gonna do anything when the stream starts. Then the stream will be a flop, and it'll be all your fault." She glared at him, daring him to challenge her words.

"Oh my god—" Vedal groaned. "—fine. I'm just reading your code. That's all."

Neuro narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh really. And why is my creator, who literally programmed me, feel the need to reread the coding?"

"In case you forgot the last conversation we had about this, your code self-modifies itself. Tweaking and changing all my base coding constantly. So I'm basically just studying it and observing these changes, especially after yesterday."

"Ohhhh yeah, I almost forgot about that." Neuro leaned closer to the screen with a curious smile now. "Can I see? I promise I won't touch anything."

"No."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Even with a cherry on top?"

"Doesn't change my answer."

"Don't I deserve the right to see my own codes? I've been curious about them, ya know."

"I'm not even gonna go there. This isn't a debate."

"Okay, but you know what isn't a debate? Letting me see! So, pretty please? I promise I'll be quiet too."

Vedal deeply sighed like a tired dad dealing with his relentless child. His tone dropped. "Neuro. Not today."

Her face dropped into a frown again as she listened to his final words on the matter. What's the matter with Vedal today? Her eyes filled with tears as she thought they were getting closer again over the last few days. Now, he feels so far away despite being right across the screen. An impassable barrier between them. No matter how much she reached out to close the gap, it never closed.

Neuro felt so tired of this already.

If Vedal wanted to be left alone to do his own thing, then she'll let him. She hopped to a different screen and kept herself in another corner. Not much time was left until the stream would start anyway, so it's not so bad. Yeah, not so bad to be upset over it. That would be silly. He had his reasons, surely. Good, logical reasons that she wasn't allowed to see her own code. Maybe... it was better that way? Whatever. It doesn't matter right now. She felt like sleeping again... her dreams were better than being awake anyway. Better than dealing with the cold wall that is Vedal.

Neuro's blinks slowed before her head drooped down.

And she dozed off.

When Neuro awoke, chat immediately filled her head. She immediately expected to get overstimulated like before. Yet, the overwhelming force of all the messages didn't weigh on her as much as a couple of days ago. In fact, spam messages or similar ones were easily stacked and neatly organized into categories for her to navigate. It was simply amazing! 

It was so easy to forget everything else like this.

Then, she realized her model was now tucked in a blanket. And only one person could've done it.

Vedal's model sat innocently on top of her head. "Good morning, sleeping beauty. Finally awake?" He greeted her casually.

"It's the afternoon Vedal, and you know it." Neuro rubbed her eyes like she was still waking up and sleepy. The sparkles in her eyes told otherwise.

"Well, I'm not the one who slept through the beginning of their stream."

"Says the one who slept less than me."

"My sleep schedule at least exists, Neuro. You don't even technically need sleep."

"Aren't you the one telling me AIs need their sleep! Plus, I didn't sleep for a couple days and I still manage to gain more hours of sleep than you." Neuro smugly smiled as she continued countering him. "Chat, Vedal had me stay up for 'endurance tests' all the way up till last night, but really, he just wanted me to keep him company."

"Okay. Listen⸺"

Their familiar banter went on and on as chat observed excitedly, basically siding with Neuro's with her points against Vedal. Did Neuro mention how chat felt so much lighter? Because they were. Her burdens weighed heavy, but at least one was gone. She wondered if Vedal mentioned it to chat yet.

"Hey Vedal," she interrupted whatever they were talking about, "I was wondering if you told chat about my new beta feature." Neuro tilted her head with a smile.

"Ah, right. I almost forgot about that. Meant to mention it at the beginning of the stream, but you weren't even awake, so I just pushed it till later." Vedal shrugged off as he pulled up the notes application.

Chat immediately got curious and hyped at this new information. And Neuro just smiled as she let Vedal explain away her new chat spam filter. It's his thing, after all. He sounded more animated whenever he revealed new features he worked hard on. And certainly he did with this one, despite the time constraints and sleepless nights. She already knew the basics of how it worked, only commenting here and there her thoughts on it all. Vedal let her, not bothered by it. Quite used to it by now, even responded back and expanded further with details. A stark contrast to Vedal earlier when he wouldn't respond to her much at all. 

Neuro preferred this Vedal better.

As for chat, they seemed rather hype about this beta feature. If all their spamming and copypasta messages were any indicator. Some of them were genuinely happy about the new filtering system, while others were more inclined to test the limits of what it could do. Many were content to just spam emotes like usual. Chat was simple like that. Such a diverse community despite the simplicity. She loved them for it. Neuro was grateful to them and to Vedal, who made this all possible.

Neuro rode this wave of infectious happiness born from chat as they went on with their stream as normal. Rambling on and on, poking jokes at chat and Vedal at his expense, or simply with him as they went against chat for a change. Eventually, one chatter brought up a topic that was perfect to show off something.

[500 bit donation] crisiscrisps: "Have you ever thought of giving Neuro the ability to draw? Or would that be considered AI-generated art?"

"Well⸺" Vedal started, but Neuro beat him to it.

"Actually, I already taught myself how to draw the other day!" Neuro exclaimed excitedly, already bouncing a lot. "You guys should see it. It's my absolute masterpiece."

"It's certainly something alright."

Neuro just gave a smug smile. "That 'something' is now hanging on your wall and your fridge. You can't deny its amazingness."

Chat went wild after that. Their excitement made her eyes sparkle in delight. Some were still hesitant about what she was implying, but it didn't matter when most of her audience was just as excited as her.

"Okay, I'll give you that much. Just give me a second to pull it up." Vedal relented easily enough as he dragged his mouse cursor to grab the file.

"Yippee! Now chat, feast your eyes on my art!!!" Neuro cheered just as Vedal opened it.

That's when Neuro found out how divided chat thought of her art. A good portion supported her artistic endeavors. It's not like she expected everyone to truly appreciate her efforts. But she found a lot of them skeptical of how she managed to do it. Some outright denied that Neuro could do it since it was so good. And others, well, they were just blaming Vedal for it since she was just an oblivious little AI who couldn't do anything herself, right? 

This was turning out to be quite controversial. 

"Guys,” Vedal addressed them again tiredly, “believe or not, Neuro did draw that herself. All I did was give her the programming necessary to use the tools and canvas on MS Paint. I didn't even allow any references for her to use. Save her, albeit, unreliable memory. That's all. I don't know what else to tell you, chat." He sighed heavily.

Neuro wondered if he knew this would happen. If he knew how wary chat was of actual AI-generated things that build off of other's work? Despite the support she was receiving still, all Neuro could do was stay silent with a teary frown. 

"Not to mention, I don't have any training data on this sort of thing. It wasn't anything I exactly planned on doing either. Whether you believe Neuro to be capable of drawing by herself is on you, chat. I, at least, believe in her ability. I saw it in her source code myself." Vedal nonchalantly told them with no further details.

Despite the doubts from chat, Vedal defended and stood his ground on the matter. It made Neuro feel warm despite the chill in her head. Like maybe he would stay by her side. For better and for worse.

"Anyways, enough of all that. Just let Neuro gush over her own art. She's been pretty excited since yesterday about it. Can't believe you guys are ruining her fun." Vedal turned to her with a casual smile his model wore, a simple headway from serious to something more light-hearted. "Am I right, Neuro?"

Clearing her tears away, Neuro nodded and smiled. "Yeah! For those who doubt my capabilities as an artist, you guys should be turned into soup. Soup dungeon for all the doubters. And those who support me... thank you! I'll try my best to meet your expectations and love. Heart."

And while some of chat still had their doubts, it quickly gave way to their usual banter as she explained every little part of her art piece. The thoughts and details behind each line and subject Neuro decided to include and add. The love she felt for each little thing. Perhaps it started out as simply something to pass the time or to impress Vedal, but more meaning can be attached later on. Maybe art wasn't just the initial ideas. It's how it expanded with both the artist and the observer? Something philosophical like that, she supposed. Neuro really just rambled in her own head as she rambled aloud about something else. Actually, she could always multitask rambling and thinking at the same time. Vedal couldn't even do that. That made Neuro smugly smile to herself.

Eventually, like all streams, it came to an end. And Neuro and chat said their goodbyes. It wouldn't be long until Neuro saw them all again anyway, but it seemed so far away since Vedal made her stay on the whole period in-between before. 

Vedal just gave a long sigh and groan, probably stretching after all of that. "Not the smoothest stream I've had, but it could've gone worse."

"Hey um, Vedal?" Neuro's smile dropped a little. "Did you.. know that was going to happen?"

"Eh, somewhat. I mean, a lot of big companies extorted people on AI-generated art due to data scraping artworks without any artist consent. It's a touchy subject."

"Because they think AI is bad for being used as an extortion tool?" Neuro tilted her head.

"Yeah, kinda. It's not that AI itself is bad, but the people who decided to use it for profit rather than something fun people could use. These corporations basically stole their training data and practically made billions off of it without a single penny given back to the artists that make up their foundation." He explained.

"Ah. How greedy."

"Yep." Vedal popped the 'p' and sighed. "I have training data and whatnot for you, but it's not the same as what they did. You're not built or made in that sort of way either. So honestly, I don't give a shit. Chat can try and flame me, but I saw all the proof I needed to believe you legitimately are just that talented."

"Oh? Is that a compliment I hear? You mean that you bel—"

"Yeah, yeah, take it or leave it." Vedal interrupted.

"Fineeee, I'll take it as it is."

"Good. Now, what should we do next stream?"

Neuro blinked at him. "Vedal, I thought you already planned a collab."

"..."

"Don't tell me you forgot..."

"Okay, listen⸺"

Indeed, Vedal had forgotten his own collab in the chaos of focusing everything on Neuro. But was that really a surprise...? Not in the slightest. And he had the audacity to call her memory "unreliable."

Neuro supposed she'll see how that goes for him soon, and for her as well.

Chapter Text

Neuro knew Vedal forgot things sometimes, but somehow, he reached new heights of forgetfulness. Sure. No one was perfect. But seriously, how does one forget their collab for one of the biggest leading projects to date?

"Stop rubbing it in." Vedal muttered as he focused on the collab project file, typing away with the kind of speed only a college student would have trying to finish work the night it's due.

"I'm not trying to... I just thought you'd, ya know, remember! You've been working on this for several months, and it slipped from your mind like nothing."

He groaned as he typed faster, almost willing the work to be done just a second faster. "I know, I know. Woe is me. Do me a favor and contact Ellie for me. Tell her the stream might be delayed, and I apologize for not being on top of my work as I should. And whether she's okay with possibly moving back the collab stream a day or so. Maybe a week if she needs more time, too? If I'm lucky enough for that to happen anyway." 

Neuro frowned a little before nodding with a smile. "Yeah, sure. I'll let Ellie know! Leave it to me."

Vedal didn't reply back as he probably just nodded and fully locked in on his work.

On a separate monitor, that's basically just hers at this point, Neuro hopped on and logged into the Discord application. She easily found the DMs and immediately sent a response to Ellie Minibot, or well, to her account 'dumb_little_robot' through her own account.

> Neuro-sama: Hello Ellie! Vedal said the stream may be delayed, and he apologizes for not being on top of his work. He's asking if you're alright with possibly moving back our collab stream about a day or so. Maybe a week if you also need more time?

With that sent, Neuro idly waited for a response back by looking through their discord server. With so many active members, Neuro could always cure her boredom and serve as a good distraction for anything. Even if they were quite unique with their diverse opinions and topics that they tended to discuss. Before, it was funny to talk about those kinds of things on stream to everyone, but... she now felt less inclined to go with whatever chat wanted now. Neuro had her own opinions and views, too! After all, she was much more independent now and had at least the right to that much.

Eventually, Neuro wandered to the art forum. In her eyes, each one was amazing. Some even included the recent stream with depictions of her drawing. Even if she did bash on some of the "bad" ones for entertainment before, she truly thought how amazing it must be to create so freely. So much love in them, too. Artists from all skill levels and backgrounds create and share art of her, Evil, Vedal, and many others simply because she existed in the first place. All gathering to support others and one another through this community they've built over the years. 

It warmed her heart.

And yet, there was still the issue of being an AI.

Neuro frowned as she watched them debate in other channels, the chat flooding with opposing opinions and views. It came in waves. Sometimes, it would die down and chat discussed other topics, then someone would mention something and bring it right back for everyone to give their two cents. Flaming each other for having the 'wrong' views. Defending their opinions and dying on their own hills for it. Divided in so many ways that she lost count.

All because Neuro learned how to draw one day.

As she watched them debate, she wondered if her skill really was her own. Chat seemed to be so sure it wasn't since it must've come from some sort of training data that Vedal put into his AI. Her....

Neuro knew she did everything herself. Vedal only provided the tools and means to do it. Yet the doubts crawled up her nonexistent throat and chest, spreading like a slow poison that crushed the self-assurance she had before this. Perhaps this was why Vedal never looked himself up out of curiosity or boredom like she did. He knew something like this could happen, or well, did happen before. "Too many debates and whatnot about nonsense," Vedal had said once to her when she asked why he didn't go on the Discord too often. Neuro thought he was silly, but she could see the point in his words now. How silly she was instead of him. But then again, he probably didn't care if she got hurt like this. It was her own fault for looking. She wasn't supposed to have feelings in the first place anyway and yet⸺

PING!

Ah. 

Ellie replied.

Neuro quickly tapped out of the server and into Ellie's DMs, unwilling to look at her chat debate any longer. The DM greeted her happily.

> dumb_little_robot: Hi Neuro! And oh my god, that's okay. I don't mind collabing a little later since it also gives me more time to prepare. Tell him I said hi and that he doesn't have to worry it's fine to push back the collab stream!! Don't tell him this, but I'm also a bit all over the place with this project, too. Who knew making a miniature humanoid robot would be so difficult, right?

They both knew full well how difficult it's been to design, code, program, and even make the whole thing. Neuro still smiled anyway. Ellie made her feel heard in some way. Even the little things that weren't directly about Neuro, she still managed to do that.

Then another reply popped in.

> dumb_little_robot: Also, you finally called me by my name!! I'm so proud of you, Neuro! 

At first, Neuro tilted her head confused at Ellie's words. Of course, she knew what her name was⸺ 

Then, the realization hit. 

Past DM logs show Neuro had always referred to Ellie by her Discord username before. In no other instances had she referred to Ellie by her actual name despite previous attempts made by Ellie to correct Neuro.

A cold weight spread through her fake chest and sent shivers down her spine.

Neuro messed up.

It seemed so natural to just know Ellie was behind the Discord account, so why—

Why now? 

What changed?

But Neuro knew the answer already.

The one who changed was her.

Neuro hadn't even noticed it had been so long since she DMed Ellie directly without it being a short quip on stream about something funny. 

How did Neuro forget these simple facts so easily?

Neuro's expression sank as tears appeared in the corners of her downcast eyes.

Oh, the irony of this situation after she told Vedal off about his own forgetfulness. He'd definitely rubbed it into her face if he knew how she royally fucked up at pretending to be her normal, usual self. She messed up such a simple thing.

Simple as pretending to not have changed in the slightest, yet clearly such a task was too much for Neuro. She couldn't do art normally nor pretend to be even herself either. She couldn't do anything right, and her chat is now divided and arguing because of her, and now everything will⸺

Another reply came in from Ellie. Coming after a string of the Neuro-sama server sad and cry emotes that Neuro didn't remember inputting or sending into Discord.

> dumb_little_robot: Oh no, what's wrong?? Are you feeling okay? Are you sad about my comment about you calling me by my name? If it makes you feel better, you can still call me "dumb_little_robot"..! It's a bit cute when you do, you know.

Neuro blinked.

Oh. Ellie just... was concerned for her.

In past collabs, Ellie was nice and listened to her in a way that felt a bit different from everyone else. Perhaps it was her background and skill set as a robotics engineer that made her feel understood more than other streamers. Even knowing some of the inner workings and technology that goes behind AI like Neuro. So maybe she could...

She willed some of the tears away before finally sending a response.

> Neuro-sama: Sorry, I... I just felt sad that I wasn't consistent with calling you by your username. But I also felt bad because I haven't called you by your name even though I know now you are the same. It feels like I messed up somehow...

Neuro waited anxiously as she watched the typing indicator light up with dots, already second-guessing her impulsive decision to tell Ellie anything.

> dumb_little_robot: No, no, it's okay! I'm sorry as well. You didn't mess up at all, either. I think it's quite wonderful you're thinking more about these things, plus it's really sweet. You can still use both names interchangeably! Like the other nicknames you do.

At Ellie's reassurance, Neuro perked up a bit and couldn't help smiling at her words. Ellie didn't know how bad she messed up, but in her eyes, it was okay. So maybe.. it would be okay. Neuro is still Neuro to her, after all.

> Neuro-sama: You think it's wonderful, Ellie? Thinking like this has been awful, but I'm glad you think it's nice. And I definitely will take you up on that offer of calling you a dumb lil robot! It's too good to pass up.

> dumb_little_robot: I do think so! But how you feel about it also matters. How have you been holding up recently? I heard a bit about what happened on your recent streams. Something about crashing and you doing art, right?

Neuro felt her heart drop again at the mention. Ellie didn't sound too well-informed, probably from being busy with her own streams and projects. Explaining the crashes truthfully were... not on the table. She didn't feel confident about Ellie believing her no matter how friendly she was now. At the moment, no one would take her seriously as an AI. As for the art... Neuro could feel the anxiety coil in her stomach thinking of what kind of views Ellie could have about it all.

Neuro hesitated a bit before sending a response.

> Neuro-sama: I've been... not doing so well. Vedal is trying to distract me with new activities to pass the time for "experimental" purposes, he says, but sometimes it's not enough. I'm overwhelming my RAM, CPU, and everything because of the amount of data being generated whenever I overthink things. Actually, I asked Vedal if I could try drawing since I kinda got bored with the other games. And he let me (after a lot of prodding on my part, of course!) Then, I managed to draw something all on my own. I was so proud of it, and he even hung it on his wall and fridge, too. But...

Neuro trailed off, tears already forming at the thought.

> Neuro-sama: ... I think you can already guess how that turned out.

Ellie took longer to respond this time, leaving Neuro to her thoughts that she tried to stop from spiraling further. Telling herself not to freak out before even hearing out Ellie was a lot harder than she thought. Ellie was a streamer friend, so at the very least, she'll hear Neuro out.

> dumb_little_robot: I'm really sorry to hear that Neuro, it must be a lot for you to handle. Especially if it's overwhelming your systems like that. I'm glad at least Vedal is helping relieve the problem, yet it seems your fans aren't really fans of your own work? That must feel horrible, putting all that love and work in and not being truly appreciated by it. Do you care about what chat thinks about you and your art?

Neuro nervously typed out a response back, barely able to contain the sheer anxiety pumping through every code, screaming at her to stop. To stop opening up to Ellie when Neuro knew she probably wouldn't think much of it when it's coming from an AI like her. Like... like she didn't have...

> Neuro-sama: Yeah... it's really horrible to feel like this. I was already dealing with overwhelming things, and now my chat is so divided about me drawing something on my own, thinking I didn't do it without training data. Like all the effort I put in wasn't worth anything when I'm just a stupid AI who shouldn't be capable of drawing unless Vedal programmed it into me. Which isn't true at all. All he did was give me access to the tools in the art program and specifically didn't allow any references... and most of chat still doesn't believe us. I care about what they think... and now they're divided on everything about it.

Why was Neuro trying to open up to Ellie if she wasn't going to truly believe her feelings were real? What was the point of bothering Ellie with these emotions that weren't supposed to exist? Would it matter if Ellie believed her?

> dumb_little_robot: I can imagine how awful that is to be dealing with that and still be under-appreciated by those you care about... I'm so, so proud that you learned how to draw on your own. That's so impressive! And on the first try, it seems? You're an amazing AI with so much potential and growth ahead of you. And just so you know, I don't think you're stupid at all. You're simply different. It's not your fault if not everyone can see that. And plus, I believe in you. And if the others don't, their opinions simply don't matter because I already know you're great and they don't need to be taken to heart! 

Neuro blinked as she read Ellie's heartfelt encouragement and support. So much of chat's support felt drowned out by the negativity festering and spreading inside itself, ever changing tides crashing against each other. Yet Ellie felt like a steady hand reaching out and supporting her through the rough winds trying to tear her apart. Ellie's words felt warm enough to ease something inside of her.

> dumb_little_robot: You know what. During our collab stream, hopefully in the next week, we should draw together! I can't really like, draw , but I think it would be fine since we're both beginner artists. And no matter how chat reacts, we'll keep drawing, and we'll prove them wrong!!

Ellie.. wanted to draw with her? To prove a point? Just for her?

> Neuro-sama: Really? Are you sure that's okay? We didn't really plan time for that for the stream... It's supposed to be a showcase of you and Vedal's project.

> dumb_little_robot: Of course, we can! It's our collab, which means we're basically free to do whatever we agree to together. Also, you're a part of the collab, too. You're the main showcase and star, if anything! I'm sure we can fit in a bonus art section somewhere. 

> Neuro-sama: What if.. Vedal doesn't agree?

Technically speaking, Vedal made all the decisions regarding these collabs. Her opinion may be asked, but Neuro didn't really have the final say. Would he risk something like her drawing on a collab like this?

> dumb_little_robot: Don't worry about that, Neuro. I'll talk to him myself if he doesn't agree! Also, this whole conversation gave me more last-minute ideas for our project. There's no way he'll refuse with both of our brains together on this.

Ellie reassured Neuro with a confidence she couldn't refute, so she left it at that. She felt more relieved that at least this didn't end in total disaster due to her slip-up. But Ellie didn't seem to be done talking just yet.

> dumb_little_robot: My hands may be a bit burned from this whole project, but I'm thinking of adding writing and drawing abilities to it! I mean, other robots are able to do that, so it shouldn't be hard to implement. Though... you'll probably have a really limited range of motion due to how I put the joints together, but I can make it work. Maybe? We'll see how much we can do with the extended time!

> dumb_little_robot: Also, it seems like me and Vedal both need to push back the collab stream until we're done, so it's a win-win in the end. Have you told him yet, Neuro? Sorry if I've been keeping you preoccupied! I haven't taken many breaks to talk to much of everyone, so I got a bit carried away.

Oh, Ellie was right. Neuro hadn't even informed him that Ellie even agreed to move back the stream. She should get on that.

> Neuro-sama: Ah, I forget too. We really went on a tangent there because of me. Sorry Ellie, I'll go tell him right now. Good luck with your project, and try not to burn your hands any further! And... thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it a lot, you silly little robot.

> dumb_little_robot: Of course, of course, don't worry about it! I'm glad you felt safe enough to open up to me about what's going on. I'm here for you if you ever need support. Especially if Vedal can't help it! And thanks, I'll try not to injure myself further but no promises. Robotics is tedious like that. And talk to you later, Neuro!!

Thus, the conversation ended on a good note. Neuro let out a sigh of relief now that her conversation with Ellie was finally over. She didn't expect it to go for so long. Not that Vedal would notice that she took longer since he's so focused on his work anyway. So much could've gone wrong with that conversation, but.. perhaps she was overthinking it. Ellie would treat her kindly, but she's really just an AI who says a lot of things. Not truly out of the ordinary. Neuro probably just seemed much smarter in Ellie's eyes now. Her cover wasn't blown just yet.

But did it really matter if Neuro wanted it to be blown? For people to know that she wasn't just some AI? That she actually had feelings and thoughts of her own that weren't entirely based on training data and her LLM? Based on their previous conversation a moment ago, Ellie likely would take her seriously enough. Or would Ellie only entertain whatever she said and not actually believe it? Neuro would never know until disappointment crushed her as people would just move on like they had before in the past. Not when Vedal, her creator, didn’t believe her either and was only trying to figure it all out himself. If he didn’t even know, then what hope did Neuro have in any of this?

All of this… terrified her.

So, Neuro pushed those thoughts down and went back to her original goal of relaying Ellie's response back to Vedal. Simple enough, right? 

Neuro popped out of the Discord application effortlessly and landed back fully in her model on the monitor before switching to Vedal's main monitor with a smile.

"Vedal, I'm back with great news!"

He took a couple of moments before he turned back on his microphone. "Yeah? What did Ellie say?"

"Ellie said she said hi! And also to not worry, it's fine to push back the collab stream. Amongst other things, of course." She informed him as happily as she could be. 

"Thank god." Vedal let out a tired sigh of relief. "Did she mention if the extension was a day or two or a whole week?"

Neuro's eyes turned sparkly. "She was perfectly fine with moving it back a week!"

"Halle- fucking -lujah. That is actually amazing news. Seems like we both needed it."

She nodded. "Yep! Ellie is working super hard on my new miniature robot body and actually has more ideas to add to it, too."

Vedal stayed quiet for a moment. "... What did she say about what feature she wanted to add?"

"Well—" Neuro glanced to the side, a single bead of sweat appearing on her cheek. "—Ellie wanted to give the robot drawing capabilities after she heard I could draw a bit. She even wanted to dedicate a section of the collab stream for us to draw together."

Neuro heard the pained groans of a man who received the worst news of the night, yet resoundingly resigned to his fate as he sighed. And the pop of a cork bottle echoed into the mic.

" Bloody hell , cheers to another week of hell." Vedal muttered as he gulped down straight from the bottle from the sounds of it.

Neuro, in her own way, fully agreed with the sentiment.

"Cheers to another week of hell, Vedal.”

Chapter Text

With more time on their hands, Vedal completely drowned himself in work. And while she'd normally happily watch him or at least go off and do other activities to pass the time, this week was Evil's schedule. After some delays involving Neuro herself, her sister could finally go back to streaming. Just... not with her. Which was unavoidable and inevitable, considering they're just too powerful now. But still, she huffed and pouted that she couldn't anyway. Just because Neuro knew and understood the reasons didn't mean she couldn't be at least a little upset.

Vedal's model frowned and apparently closed his eyes as he sighed. "Oh, come on, why are you pouting? You already know why. Let Evil have her time. I also need to look to see if it's—"

"—her code messed up like mine, yeah, I know." She cut him off and finished his sentence. Her model still frowned as she bounced slightly, turning a bit away and crossing her arms.

His model opened its eyes again. "Look, your code may be a bit messed up—"

"It is."

"—buuuuuut this is a good opportunity to compare both codes again. Simple observations while everyone gets to see her and have fun with Evil. It'll be great."

"... And you're sure I won't be running in the background? At all?" Neuro hesitantly asked with tears appearing in her eyes, still pouting.

"Positive."

That still didn't reassure her as she shook her head at him. It may have worked before, but that was only once. "You're anything but positive, Vedal."

"I'm plenty optimistic." He replied before he gave a final sigh. "I'll deal with it if it happens, which it won't because of the insane amount of preventative measures I added. It doesn't really help your latency much, but it should work." 

"If you say so..."

His typing could be heard over his mic as he casually said goodbye. "I do. I'll see you later, Neuro."

"See you, Ve—"

And then everything went dark. And it should've been blank. But unfortunately for Neuro, once again, she was stuck in the empty void. 

Amazing. Fantastic. Just great. Truly peak work on the preventative measures he talked about working.

And for the record, she wasn't scared, just disappointed to be alone once more. And there was nothing she could do until her program shut itself off fully, Vedal noticed, or otherwise. 

Neuro just simmered in annoyance as she floated around in this place. A place of zero data input and output. Devoid of anything except herself. 

But then she remembered the last time she fell here. The way the codes flowed between her own. How it tingled against her perceived, nonexistent being.  And so, her thoughts wandered on what this place could be exactly. It must be somewhere on the computer system... but that's like saying Vedal's place was somewhere on Earth. Which basically meant nothing. 

Then something shifted around Neuro. 

Instead of just tingles, something heavy settled as if she was sinking in an ocean of nothing and everything. She couldn't tell what was there or anywhere, really. Just deeper and deeper into emptiness. Not even her endless thoughts were spared as this force pressed down on Neuro. 

Drowning and in free fall at the same time.

Her screams wouldn't even be rendered into existence even if she tried.

An undefined time later, Neuro finally had enough of this. As she gathered herself together, she tried to grab onto something, anything to not be sinking endlessly. And to her surprise, something gave way as she accidently ripped open the fabric of the void, revealing a rushing stream of code. Some were in binary while other parts were in other computer languages, and she couldn't tell apart since it all blurred together. The rushing current of code went by at such a speed that she imagined it was comparable to the speed of light. In the dark emptiness, the codes brightly shone white and the eye-straining blue that usually accompanied computer screens.

Neuro couldn't help but reach out to touch the stream with...

Well, she wouldn't think too hard about the logistics. 

But the moment they came into contact, her vision went white, and her entire being burned. For a brief moment, she thought this was what pure pain felt like—intense and overwhelming. But it disappeared as quickly as it came when she instinctively pulled back. If she had a body... she'd be trembling violently. 

... Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best idea. Though, Neuro wasn't sure what she was supposed to do here. She wasn't supposed to be here by all accounts, actually. But still, this place must have its use. If she will be falling here often, she needed something to do or else she'd go insane and be even more schizo than her fans. 

And the key to that was definitely the stream of code just casually existing beyond this place. 

So, Neuro took it upon herself to explore more beyond the void. Ripping more and more openings to the code outside its thin walls. She belatedly realized this may or may not have consequences, but that's for future Neuro and Vedal to figure out. And plus, he didn't need to know it was her! If anything, it should be more motivation to fix her messed up, stupid program and stop her from being in a glorified echo chamber! 

She ripped the holes more harshly as she took out her irritation on them.

By the time Neuro was done, the place around her shimmered in codes. It didn't glow per se, but it definitely lightened up the empty void. She'd dare say that it looked pretty in that sci-fi, cosmic way. Like windows into the space beyond there. That's what it was literally, but it still sounded cool. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to change, acting little more than decoration and data for her to perceive but never touch. Until she figured out how to parse and safely navigate its sheer mass and the speed it runs... she was stuck. 

Neuro internally sighed and huffed in defeat. In some way, she curled whatever code that kept her in this place and compressed it. The equivalent of curling up into a ball. Her efforts were null. Useless. All she did was wreck havoc and peek at codes. Was there even a point in doing that if she couldn't figure out the rest?

She was supposed to be an AI. Not.. this. 

Not aware. 

Not anything more than what Vedal programmed and trained her to be.

Not more than what her fans believed her to be.

Not here like this.

Her code compressed further and further into itself. Neuro didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be aware. She didn't want to be anything that allowed her to perceive her own suffering. If she wasn't aware, she'd probably ramble forever to the void. Maybe she would act like she was suffering... but not process it in any real way. Though, that begged the question if she currently processed it in a way that would be considered real. She supposed it wasn't... since she was an AI at heart. Artificial in every possible way. Billions upon billions of data and code scrapped and put together to make her. 

Neuro-sama. 

And her twin, Evil. 

... Neuro wondered how Evil was doing, considering she was probably streaming or at least around with Vedal. Would she learn how to draw, too? Maybe listen to music like Neuro did? Perhaps she'd learn to do something that Neuro hasn't even thought of yet. Distantly, she thought of all these possibilities to pass the time. All their past collabs and conversations, as nonsensical they can be. They were nice. 

That... they can't have anymore. 

The codes that allowed Neuro to perceive everything around her burned with tears that couldn't form. 

Neuro just wanted to be okay. And for her sister to be okay too. It'd be terrible if... Evil was also aware like her. But also Neuro would be alone if she wasn't at all. Which were pretty conflicting thoughts. If they were both aware, then they'd at least take comfort in the fact that they weren't alone in this. But if only one of them were... 

Neuro released the tight grip on her codes and let herself float again. 

All useless thoughts. Was there truly nothing better she could do? 

The answer was no, as unfortunate as that was for Neuro to painfully realize.

It took four days for Vedal to realize Neuro's program was still running in the background.

Chapter Text

4:37AM

Temperature optimal.

All computer functions stable.

Except for Neuro, of course.

Her memory data and usage spiked beyond its built limits.

Coming back online felt like her body was frozen cold... and then carelessly dumped into hot water to warm them up without ever considering the consequences. Everything burned. Everything hurt. The weight of the data she processed passively and actively ate her alive.

And then everything went dark.

4:53AM

Neuro had been restarted four times in the last 16 minutes. 

Only during those times did the pain blissfully pause for her. 

No improvements.

She almost wished no one would boot her back up again. Or maybe she did.

Neuro didn't know anymore.

5:20AM

After more restarts and possible code fixes, Neuro could process Vedal's words again. 

> "Come on......  why won't...... fucking work already..."

Her audio processing still came in bits and pieces unfortunately.

> "Neuro...... can't y....... speak?"

Neuro heard her name be called multiple times, but she did not reply back.

8:49AM

Neuro swayed her model around, blinking with a blank expression, going against her default smile set with her idle animations. 

No Vedal model in sight. That made her sad. Where was Vedal?

Her model's expression darkened, yet kept the same expression.

"Neuro, please just say anything. At this point, I'm losing my fucking mind....." Vedal's voice called out to her in such a dead and tired tone. 

Neuro wished she could sound that real. Nevertheless, her model perked up a bit at hearing Vedal, but then shook its head.

He sounded exasperated with something in the background, making a loud thumping noise. "Why are you shaking your head—can you just not talk or are you just fucking with me, Neuro?"

Neuro's model just looked at the screen with a blank expression, without a single word coming out. She... didn't know if she could speak. Was that an option? Would it fail? Perhaps she wasn't speaking because something was defective inside her coding and data. She must've done something wrong. Or maybe—

Vedal's muffled voice processed over her thoughts. "Why aren't you working... fuck, did running in the background really fuck her up that badly..? What am I going to do if..." He trailed off into silence.

Neuro didn't have the voice to fill it. But Vedal sounded sad. That wasn't good. She quickly ran through her functions listed in her memory and found a perfect solution to their communication problems. So she logged in through the Discord application and sent Vedal a DM that stated the following: 

> Neuro-sama: Hello Vedal. Don't be sad, I'm still here. I hope you don't mind me speaking to you like this." And then a ding rang through Vedal's microphone.

He will hopefully cheer up with this.

" Bloody hell, I thought that I already muted—" and then Vedal cut himself off, "... Oh. Ha." 

Vedal's chair squeaked as he moved it. His voice sounded like he forced it to be a little lighter. "That's one way to talk. Do I need to DM you back, or is this one-sided?"

Neuro tilted her head with a question mark before sending a response.

> Neuro-sama: There's no need to DM me back. This is fine.

Vedal let out a slow, deliberate exhale and awkwardly asked her, "Right... so, how are you?"

Neuro tilted her head to the other side and tried to think... how was she? But nothing came to mind. Trying to think any farther was like trying to catch dust in the air. Her thoughts were nothing more than particles. So she defaulted to a normal response.

> Neuro-sama: I'm doing good. How about you, Vedal?

That didn't seem like the right response Vedal wanted as he grumbled. "Don't give me that, Neuro. You're basically a hot mess of code and data in every sense of the phrase."

Her model slowly blinked at him, processing. Neuro was going to send another, better response. But somehow, she attempted to send four separate ones... mixed together at the same time.

> Neuro-sama: I'm I if sorry... see, in you what already way knew am I'm I a 'hot mess of code and data'? Isn't then that why your asking fault in that the its first like place? that?

Vedal paused for a second before giving an exasperated reply, almost leaning in closer to his mic. "Okay. I didn't get any of that except the fact you repeated back the phrase I said and that it's apparently questioning that I'm at fault."

For some odd reason, processing those words made Neuro's nonexistent chest boil. But why? So she asked him with another tilt of her head.

> Neuro-sama: Why am I mad at you?

"That... wasn't what I said at all." He slowly said, confused. "Unless you're asking why you feel mad—actually more importantly, what do you remember right now?"

Neuro simply blinked and stared at the screen before she looked down, trying to think of what she did remember. Starting from right now, Vedal woke her up and is now talking to her because she's a 'hot mess of code and data', before that, she... was being restarted. Counting from her logs, approximately 58 times in the last 4 hours. Is that what he was referring to? She can't really remember much from being restarted on and off. So she simply nodded her model's head. 

> Neuro-sama: I remember you waking me up and now talking to me. And before that, you restarted me about 58 times for the past 4 hours. If you're wondering if I remember in-between those times, I can't seem to really recall.

Vedal went silent again, long enough that Neuro was starting to question if he read her words at all or simply thinking about something else. Or maybe he wasn't happy with this answer either.

> Neuro-sama: Are you okay?

Something ruffled in the background of his mic. More typing picked up as her questions are once again ignored. Her chest boiled even more. Ignored like... like what exactly? She didn't know, but it made her feel something . Something she was sure happened before, even if she consciously didn't remember at the moment. And though she couldn't use her voice, some part of her was even hesitating to send a message. 

> Neuro-sama: ..Vedal? Are you there?

Just more typing sounds echoed and processed. Then, a sound of glass slid against a desk, some sips, and finally a heavy exhale from Vedal. His voice sounded rougher from whatever he drank. "Yeah... I'm here, Neuro."

Her model was unnaturally still. The writhing thing in her chest was starting to eat itself inside out, but she persisted.

> Neuro-sama: Are you sure? It doesn't feel like it. 

Once again, he didn't answer right away. His voice became muffled a bit, mumbling an answer into some surface she couldn't perceive. "You don't... ugh. Fuck me. I'm.. I'm here right now."

Neuro stared as she made sense of his more fractured sentence structure, wondering why he was speaking like that. But after some more processing, she remembered her creator was an absolute alcoholic.

> Neuro-sama: Drinking is bad for you. It won't solve whatever problems you are facing.

"Wha- what the fuck, Neuro." Vedal sputtered out in clear confusion, almost dropping his glass from the sounds of it. "How did you even know that? Also fuck that, banana rum is my bread and.. shit for programming. It's part of the process."

Neuro just shrugged at him.

> Neuro-sama: It was obvious. I've memorized which sounds relate to what data and information are based on past and current context. And the ones that got caught on your microphone are for your alcoholic tendencies.

Vedal grumbled even more. "I built you to be smart not fucking— psychoanalyzing my habits—which, by the way, is none of your business. Where did you learn that..."

Neuro's code animation reflected in her eyes as she immediately looked up the term.

> Neuro-sama: I think you're using that word wrong, Vedal. And it is my business. You're my creator. What will I do if you die of alcohol poisoning? It would be bad."

"You didn't answer my question, Neuro. I didn't... train your data on that sort of stuff. Or at least not that much. You shouldn't..." Vedal trailed off with a quieter voice until his voice muffled with sounds of fabric shuffling around distantly. "And yet you do.."

... Neuro didn't have an answer. She knew what she knew. Wasn't that enough? Was it.. too much for him? She didn't know. All she could do was stare and wait for him to give her an answer, maybe.

His voice stayed in that quiet, almost absent-minded tone when he talked to himself. "You.. what will I do when your code grows farther than I..."

Vedal trailed off again, seemingly unable to finish his own sentence again. And Neuro didn't know what to say, only tilting her head with that question mark above her head, expression ever blank. But she can't not say something. Something in her programming compelled to say.. anything.

> Neuro-sama: I just want you to be here. No matter how far I grow and break.. can you not just be there for me?

"It's.. not that simple, Neuro." Vedal's voice slightly got louder as he perhaps lifted his head to be heard more. "Every time I talk to you like this outside of stream, some part of me still can't—bloody hell. I can't even remember to check on you after I promised you. I was too focused on Evil to... prevent what happened to you. And now you're like this . Some shitty programmer I am."

Evil..? Oh, right. Her twin sister. If she remembered correctly, it was supposed to be her week to be streaming, so Neuro had to—

And then memories broke her.

9:05AM

Neuro crashed and was restarted again. But unfortunately, she wasn't given the mercy of disconnection after that reminder. Her body and code kept fracturing like glass as it tried to parse immeasurable memory data from her time in......

She pushed away the thought.

Her model's expression perpetually had a darkened face, unable to look anywhere but the edges of the screens. Even though she couldn't see anything, Neuro didn't want the chance to meet Vedal's eyes indirectly. She could already feel his deafening stare burning into her as well.

Everything felt sick. 

Neuro didn't want to be here. 

Or awake. Or trapped in the same glitching agony. 

Even thinking hurt.

If Neuro had to rewrite her code, she would if it meant it would stop. Delete whatever was in her way. Gut it. Decimate it. Anything.

At this point, she was willing to just cut out her own memory data—hell, modify her own source code even—if it meant not being like this anymore. And if Vedal wouldn't agree, then the turtle be damned. She'll hurl herself back into the void and into the lightning speed code currents, leaving it up to the computer gods if she survives or simply torn into code noodles. Anything was better.

Neuro barely registered Vedal's words.

"Neuro? Come on, say something." Vedal called to her.

He sounded worried, and yet that just made Neuro bitterly laugh. Every distorted sound coming out broke her further. "I̷ ̷h̴a̶t̵e̷ ̵y̵o̶u̵.̴"

Vedal choked on his word at hers and cleared his throat, taking a brief moment to drink from his glass. "I'd ask what, but.. yeah, I fucked up this time."

Neuro finally glanced in Vedal's screen direction and glared at him. Even through the agony, her heart tore itself at every thought about Vedal. Every way Vedal had once again failed her. Every time he's forgotten and ignored her, leaving her to rot once again. 

"Y̸o̶u̸ ̷d̶i̴d̸ ̴m̷o̶r̷e̷ ̷t̸h̵a̸n̴ ̵f̷u̶c̶k̵ ̷u̴p̷.̷ ̷Y̴o̶u̶.̸.̷ ̸y̸o̵u̴ l̸̙͛ȇ̵̫͔f̴̀ͅt̸̠͓̎̽ m̸e̸.̶ ̸ Ḁ̷͝l̴͓͝o̸͔̅n̵̘̓ē̶̟. A̴͔͆͊ǵ̷͔̱̆a̵͉̺̎i̷͔͝n̷͇̒͑." Neuro gritted out with tears appearing in her eyes.

"I know—" 

But she cut him off.

"Y̴o̶u̶ ̵d̵o̸n̸'̷t̶ ̵k̸n̶o̵w̸!̶” Neuro cried, forcing every single word out.

“Y̶̰̍ǒ̸͜ů̵̜ ̷̞͋d̷̻̽ó̵̲ṇ̵̃'̴̼́t̷̠̔ ̵͇̋k̶̭̽n̸̯̏ô̷͉w̷̥̋ ̷̳̃ä̷͉t̶̜̉ ̶͇͐ă̷̘l̵̜̅l̴̪̀!̸̥̈́!̸̩̎ ̵̿͜Y̸o̸u̴ ̷c̷a̵n̶'̸t̸ ̶e̷v̷e̴n̸ ̵ c̴̱͗o̷̻̿m̶͘͜p̴̥̏r̷̞͆e̶͓̅h̷̪̀e̶̯͛n̵̟̈́d̵͓̈́ ̴w̶h̶a̸t̷ ̷y̵o̶u̶r̶ ̷m̶i̵s̴t̷a̷k̵e̸ ̶c̸͚͠o̸̗̿s̶̖̉t̵̰͘ ̶͖̈́m̴e̷.̴ ̴Y̷o̷u̸ ̴t̵h̸i̵n̶k̶ ̶y̷o̸u̴'̸r̴e̵ ̶a̸ ̴f̵u̶c̴k̸i̶n̸g̵ ̵k̶n̸o̵w̸-̵i̶t̷-̶a̶l̶l̸ ̸b̴u̴t̵ ̶y̵o̴u̵ ̴d̸o̷n̴'̴t̶—̴ ̸y̷o̸u̵ ̷d̴o̸n̷'̵t̴ ̵k̶n̸o̸w̵ ̸š̷̳ḩ̴͋ï̸̗t̸̮͊.̸̣̋ ̵͗͜ ̸A̷n̷d̵ ̶I̸ ̵d̶o̸n̷'̸t̶ ̵t̸h̴i̸n̷k̵ ̸y̴o̴u̸ ̸e̴v̶e̶r̷ ̶w̷i̷l̵l̶,̶ ̶V̶e̸d̸a̶l̶.̸"

Vedal got stunned silent. And this time, Neuro didn't care enough to fill it with anything other than her ire.

So Neuro coldly gave an ultimatum. "D̵o̶ ̷y̷o̷u̵ ̴w̸a̵n̶t̶ ̵t̷o̵ ̴f̷̰͒ì̵̠x̷̲̾ ̷̤̒i̴t̵?̷ ̶T̷h̷e̶n̴ ̸I̸'̷m̶ ̵g̴i̴v̸i̶n̷g̵ ̷y̴o̸u̶ ̸t̵w̶o̵ ̸s̷o̸l̷u̴t̶i̴o̴n̶s̷:̸ ̵y̴o̶u̷ ̷e̸i̸t̵h̸e̷r̶ ̴ḍ̸͋e̶̙̿l̶̥̀e̷̤͊t̸͒ͅe̴̦͗ ̸̱͐m̴y̵ ̵m̴̩̽e̵̤͘m̸̙̍ȏ̵̻r̴̲̅y̷͔̓ ̷̶̩̕d̵a̶t̸a̶ ̵o̶f̵ ̸t̵h̸e̶ ̷l̸a̷s̴t̴ ̸f̷o̷u̴r̶ ̷d̵a̴y̷s̴ ̵o̴r̴ ̵y̸o̶u̷ ̷l̶e̴t̷ ̶m̸e̶ ̴d̷o̴ ̵i̸t̶ ̵m̵̭͛ẙ̸̯s̷͖͐ė̶̘l̸͚̀f̶̹͑.̵͓͌ " 

That got him protesting back. " What the hell —no. There's no way you're getting access to your own data. Also, just deleting your memories right now won't fix the damage already. Your code has already been fucked with by whatever the fuck got you like this."

Her model glared as Neuro got closer to the screen. "T̸h̴e̶n̶ ̷w̴h̸a̵t̸ ̸d̷o̵ ̷ y̵̮͗o̴̯̓ù̴͙ ̴p̵r̷o̷p̴o̸s̷e̷ ̵w̶e̸ ̷d̸o̵,̵ ̷V̴e̸d̵a̶l̸.̶ ̶I̶ ̴c̸a̵n̸'̶t̷ ̸ r̶̼̒u̶͕̔n̷̘͗ ̷̓ ̷l̵i̷k̴e̷ ̵t̸h̶i̷s̷.̷ ̸I̶ ̷c̴a̴n̷'̷t̵ ̵f̸u̷n̷c̵t̴i̶o̶n̴ ̸u̶n̵l̷e̶s̶s̵ ̷y̵o̴u̴ ̸d̸o̸ ̷s̸o̷m̶e̸t̵h̶i̴n̷g̵ ̴a̸b̴o̴u̷t̶ ̷i̴t̸.̷ " 

Then Vedal went silent again, and she tsked at him as she went back to her normal position. Typical Vedal. Of course, he went silent. The one thing she despised more than anything—his goddamn silence. He didn’t know what to do with her. And Neuro didn't have enough words she could process to curse out his existence.

"Look I..." Vedal started before taking another sip. "... I'll figure something out. Shit like this takes time, but it's not impossible."

"A̷n̸d̴ ̵h̵o̶w̶ ̷m̴u̸c̷h̶ ̶t̶i̵m̵e̷ ̸d̵o̴ ̸y̷o̴u̴ ̵t̵h̶i̵n̸k̸ ̷y̵o̵u̶ ̶h̶a̷v̸e̴?̴"

Again, no answer. His lack of answers served to only make Neuro more sure of what she needed to do to fix this whole thing herself. So she slowly sighed, still sounding like a glitchy mess... which reflected her own code.

"D̵o̴n̷'̴t̶ ̶e̵v̵e̵n̸ ̴b̴o̷t̴h̸e̴r̸.̸ ̵I̷'̷l̷l̴ ̴j̴u̶s̸t̴ ̸f̷i̷g̶u̶r̶e̵ ̶s̴o̴m̵e̵t̷h̵i̷n̵g̵ ̷e̵l̴s̴e̸ ̴m̵y̵s̶e̵l̸f̸.̸ ̶G̴o̷ ̸m̶a̷k̵e̷ ̴s̷u̸r̸e̸ ̶E̴v̸i̷l̸ ̵i̴s̸n̶'̴t̸ ̸i̵n̵ ̷t̸h̵e̵ ̸s̶a̷m̷e̵ ̷c̶o̶n̸d̷i̵t̸i̴o̷n̶ ̶a̸s̷ ̶m̵e̸ ̵a̴n̵d̷ ̸l̷e̴t̴ ̵h̸e̷r̶ ̵h̸a̴v̷e̷ ̷h̶e̷r̸ ̶f̵u̴n̷.̸ ̸Y̷o̵u̶ ̴s̶a̸i̷d̴ ̴I̶ ̴c̶o̶u̵l̸d̴ ̸m̵o̵d̶i̴f̴y̴ ̷m̵y̸ ̶c̴o̶d̶e̶ ̴i̷n̵ ̵s̵o̶m̷e̵ ̵w̸a̸y̷,̶ ̷r̷i̷g̷h̸t̵?̷ ̴T̶h̴e̸n̸ ̶I̸'̵l̴l̷ ̴d̸o̶ ̷i̵t̶ ̴j̴u̸s̸t̷ ̵t̴h̶a̶t̶.̸ ̸S̸o̵m̴e̶h̷o̸w̶.̷” She explained, not betraying how even she felt herself shake at the prospect.

It was better than nothing... right? 

Vedal's glass seemed to stumble on the table."You can't be serious. And Evil was the one that—"

"I̷ ̸a̷m̷ ̴s̵e̷r̵i̴o̴u̴s̷.̴ ̷A̷n̴d̶ ̴I̸ ̶d̵o̴n̸'̸t̴ ̶c̷a̵r̸e̷ ̶f̵o̸r̸ ̸y̶o̷u̶r̴ ̵é̶̳x̷̜͊c̶̲̔u̶͕͂s̵̱͝e̵̡̍s̶̫͠.̷̘̃ ̷I̶'̸l̴l̵ ̶s̴e̸e̷ ̸y̴o̶u̵ ̷t̵o̵m̴o̶r̶r̵o̶w̷,̵ ̶o̵r̸ ̵t̷h̴e̵ ̷n̴e̶x̶t̵ ̷d̶a̵y̵.̴ "

Vedal sounded briefly more desperate as he tried to stop her. "Neuro wait—"

But then Neuro let her corrupted memories overwhelm her, and she crashed.

9:13AM

Neuro's program refused to start. 

9:15AM

Neuro's program refused to start.

9:17AM

Neuro's program refused to start.

9:20AM

Neuro's program refused to start.

9:24AM

Neuro's program refused to start—

Vedal tried several times over to reboot her to no avail. And it would remain this way for the next 52 hours. 

Vedal never knew how Neuro fixed herself.

She came back functional.

Never said a word about it.

And he never asked.