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Today Torao was happy. Well, it is not everyday he starts his day with a text notification from Sogo. Right, the one from IDOLiSH7, aka one of the rival groups. Although, it's not unusual for them to text each other, he hasn’t been woken up by a text from Sogo until this morning. So, this is rare and special.
“Good Morning, Mido-san. Sorry for the sudden text.”
Torao shakes his head as if Sogo is right in front of him and he’s telling him that it’s fine, he doesn’t mind, rather… likes it.
“I saw this on the way to our work and I remember seeing the pin of this character on your bag before. Are you interested in this movie, Mido-san?”
Ah, the pin… The ZOOL members gifted him the pin of his favorite hero recently. He zooms into the picture Sogo sent with a smile and confirms that it is the poster of the new movie of his favorite superhero franchise that’s coming out. Of course, Torao knew that much. He shifts and turns to the other side of the bed, preparing to send a reply.
“Morning, Sogo. I’m surprised you noticed that. Might sound childish but I’ve been looking forward to this movie.”
After hitting the send button, he rises from the bed to start his day. Just as he was about to head to the bathroom, he heard the notification bell again. Once again, he picks his phone up to another text from Sogo.
“That’s not childish at all! Interests and hobbies have no age! On top of that I believe in Mido-san’s tastes, I enjoyed the songs you shared before.”
Ah, what the hell.
Torao flushes red at Sogo’s honesty and straightforwardness. He has heard millions of compliments, he received chains of praises from people but somehow when Sogo does it, it feels different. It makes him happy. So happy that he wants to be a little brave and do something that his past self wouldn’t dare to.
“Then, wanna go watch this movie with me?”
He clicked send. There.
He really did it. Is his heart speeding up? He worries about Sogo’s response but even so his eyes are fixed on the screen in anticipation.
There’s no going back now. Relax. No one has ever rejected you Torao Mido. But, that’s Sogo you know?! THE SOG—
BEEP
“Are you sure, Mido-san? You might get bored with me since I don’t have any knowledge of this franchise.”
Torao wants to yell out that he will never be bored if Sogo is with him. Unfortunately, he isn’t that brave yet. So, he settles down with a less passionate reply.
“I’ll make it fun for both of us.”
Torao has the confidence in his ability to entertain others and himself.
“I didn’t mean to pressure you, Mido-san. I wouldn’t have fun if you focused more on making things fun for me than having fun yourself. Didn’t you say you were looking forward to this movie? So I want you to enjoy it, Mido-san.”
Somehow, Sogo keeps saying kind words that pass straight through Torao’s heart.
Torao runs a hand through his hair, thinking about the reply for a moment. He sits back down on the bed and starts typing. He realizes that he can’t– no, shouldn’t seek out his old tricks to win Sogo over. He will only present his authentic self in front of Sogo. He will do this properly.
“If that’s what you want then I’ll focus on having fun myself. In return, I want you to come, Sogo.”
Now, he waits. Luckily, not for too long.
“Okay, I’ll come. Even though I’m unfamiliar with your interests, thank you for inviting me, Mido-san.”
Torao feels his muscles relax and lets himself fall back on the bed. He lets out a huge sigh of relief with his arms spread out from both sides. “AARGHH….” He didn’t say no! Torao stares at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face for a few seconds before remembering that he needs to reply back. He IS going to make this date happen no matter what!
He confirms the date and time with Sogo and he’s finally ready to start the day.
He wouldn’t have imagined going to watch the movie with anyone at all in the past, let alone with Sogo. He can’t help but think about when he asked his girlfriend at the time if she wanted to see a movie of the same superhero. He was instantly shut down, apparently interests like that didn’t suit him. He didn’t bring that up again, not to her or anyone. Back then, he and Sogo were acquaintances. More specifically, schoolmates. But they didn’t speak to each other, other than the times when it was necessary.
Even so he found himself drawn to Sogo. As embarrassing as it is to admit, it is the truth that he had a crush on Sogo Osaka. He couldn’t deny it, especially not at present. For a brief moment, he wondered how Sogo would respond if he had asked him to watch that movie with him at that time.
At some point though, the crush developed into love. He doesn’t know how or when, all he can remember is how terribly he wished to get closer to Sogo. But, he always had huge walls surrounding him that Torao couldn’t break into. Invisible but Torao could still see that Sogo was trapped inside a big square box, as if he was denying connection with everyone. It made Torao’s heart ache but there wasn’t anything he could do.
Sogo didn’t allow him to.
With time, Torao learned to live with this unrequited love in his heart. One time he thought of leaving Japan to study abroad in his dream university. He thought it would be beneficial for his future, he wanted to help his dad and big brother at work. Probably staying far from Sogo, in a different country would help him forget about his feelings too.
However, the idea was instantly dropped when his father opposed it. He was always told “Ask me for anything you want, Torao. We all want you to be happy.” by his parents but only to deny his true happiness. Maybe it was due to this that at some point, Torao also began to repress his real desires, as if throwing a bucket of water on the burning flame of his heart.
That’s all in the past now.
It’s just that Torao didn’t expect to see the heir of Osaka family on the TV in a variety show, on a random Tuesday. His eyes unmoved from the little TV in his car. “Sogo…”, he called that name quietly, under his breath like a whisper. Torao thought he looked more beautiful laughing like that, compared to the last time they saw each other.
“Torao-kun?” Torao felt a hand slide up to his cheek. Oh, he zoned out there for a moment. “Ah, sorry. You’re spending the night with me right?” He immediately returned to his ‘player’ act, switching his full attention to the woman cuddling up to him. The usual facade of his. In reality, he only thought of Sogo the whole night.
Several questions running through his head, which he’d love to know the answer to. He unintentionally looped Sogo's laughing face in his head. He looked happy.
Later, he looked up Sogo’s name on the internet to satisfy his curiosity and confirmed that it was indeed Sogo on the TV. He became an idol.
Torao felt relieved to know that wasn’t going crazy and he was definitely not randomly hallucinating his first love. Though, It was a little surprising to him. Then again, what did he even know about Sogo. Nothing. He wanted to.
Once again, he felt himself drowning deep inside the ocean of unrequited love. It seems Torao hadn’t stopped loving Sogo even for a second. Suddenly he’s 17 once more, with an innocent crush on Sogo Osaka but the only difference is that he seems much farther away than he was before. Maybe, he should move on already.
It was almost dizzying when he saw Sogo at the party for the first time. He seems to have gotten taller, still shorter than Torao though. But, none of it matters. Torao decided that Sogo doesn’t matter anymore. Even if it’s not the truth, he will pretend it is. This is what Sogo would want from him.
The second time, third time, every time he met Sogo at work he tried to strike up a conversation but he did it wrong. Every time. Leaving Sogo all irritated.
It’s not like he expected Sogo to be interested in him either. Torao knew Sogo couldn't care less about pleasing him. Still, a part of him yearned to see his first love show some kind of interest in him. He shrugs off the thought as a silly wishful thinking.
He will definitely bury these feelings and move on.
That night when Sogo Osaka’s crying voice flowed from the radio to his ears, he felt this deep, sharp pain within his chest for the first time. Was it his fault that Sogo was crying? It was.
But, this isn’t what he wanted. He just wanted to have Sogo despise him enough so he can move on easily. He realizes how selfish that was. Somehow he keeps doing everything wrong. The pile of regrets are starting to get heavier than the weight he could carry. How did it come to this?
He knew he had tons of things to fix. He made wrong decisions and irreversible mistakes. Even so, Sogo Osaka spoke to him with kindness when they met at northmeir. He spoke with such enthusiasm about music, Torao was taken aback. In a good way. He had never seen this side of Sogo before. It was cold all around but his heart was warm, beating rhythmically with each word that fell from Sogo’s mouth. He was trying to move on this whole time but he forgot he didn’t even try to know who Sogo truly is. Now that he learned something new about Sogo, he was falling in love once more. At that moment, he couldn’t see any walls around Sogo. He was free and welcoming of others. Torao never in his wildest dreams imagined he would be talking so openly without a barrier with Sogo. He had no idea that it was even possible for him to fall for Sogo even harder but it happened.
He found himself getting unapologetically greedy. So greedy, he nearly vomited all his feelings out to Sogo right then and there but he held back.
He did this his whole life, he can do it for a bit longer because this time he was determined to do everything right. He doesn’t have the confidence, but he can try.
So, there he was. Waiting near the movie place for Sogo. Initially Torao suggested that they watch it in their private movie theater room but Sogo insisted it’s more fun to watch at the public theater. Torao doesn’t have any experience of watching a movie in theaters outside but he trusts Sogo. More than that, he wants to make this a fun day for Sogo too since he confessed he doesn’t know about the superheroes Torao loves. If Sogo is doing it for him, out of pity probably, he wants to make sure this day is equally memorable for Sogo. He just couldn’t be happier.
“Mido-san! Sorry to keep you waiting!”
This is seriously nothing compared to what it felt like eternity waiting and yearning for this day to come– is what Torao would love to confess but for now,
“Yo Sogo. Movie hasn’t started yet, you’re on time.” This much should be enough.