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“FELIX!” Cindy screamed, stomping over to her boyfriend. “WE ARE SO OVER!”
Everyone on the playground collectively turned to watch the unfolding scene; not out of concern or anything, that was just the most interesting thing they’d heard in a while.
“What?!” Felix recoiled in shock. “But our love is so fresh!”
“Yeah, well, I’m not into you anymore, so we’re breaking up.”
He scoffed. “I’ll have you know that I am a very important person and I will tell my father about this preposterous behaviour.”
“That’s why I’m breaking up with you,” She said. “I like rich guys, but you’re so annoying about it.”
Ted stepped in. “Well, you’re not nearly good enough for my brother! He deserves someone who is smart, like him, and—”
“Shut up, Teddy.” Felix moved him aside. “Cindy, you can’t do this! What about our reputations? What about our future?!”
“You already ruined that for us!” Cindy pointed an accusatory finger at him. “That’s right, I know what you’ve been up to these last few months!”
“You started dating him today,” Ted stated.
“I told you to shut up!” Felix hissed. “...wait, what have I been doing?”
“Doing it with your maid behind my back,” Cindy said.
“Oh, right.” He cleared his throat. “No, it’s not like that, I swear! Please, Cindy, don’t leave me, I need you!”
“Too bad! I’m not gonna stay with a cheating, drug-addicted, mean jerk!”
“I’m addicted to drugs, too? Isn’t that rather uncouth?”
“You’re rich, why wouldn’t you be?”
“I suppose that’s fair… you wench!”
Felix raised a hand and struck Cindy across the cheek. She shrieked, pushing him in retaliation.
“I’m taking you to court for that!” She declared.
“Well, you’re the fool, for I am rich enough to bribe the judge into letting me off.”
“What?! Not fair! You’re so evil!”
“And that’s why… I’m breaking up with you! ”
“Nooooo!”
Cindy collapsed against a rod of the monkey bars, clinging onto it like she would die if she let go.
“First, my dog died, then I got cheated on, now I’m losing my only source of income!”
“I’m also the love of your life,” Felix said. “Right?”
“...Sure.”
“Cindy?”
She turned her back to him. “I might as well just kill myself now! Goodbye, cruel world!”
Cindy clambered up the monkey bars, perching herself atop them before gracefully jumping off them.
Felix caught her in his arms, but fell to the ground under her weight.
She gasped. “Felix! You saved me… why?”
“Because, Cindy, even if I enjoy money and heroin and intercourse… I love you more!”
“Oh my god…” Cindy fanned her nonexistent tears away. “I love you too, Felix! Let’s be together forever!”
The two embraced tightly, earning a scattered applause from the other kids. Cindy pulled away, excitedly rocking in place.
“That was fun! Can we do it again?”
“Of course, my love,” Felix said.
“Yay! Okay— three, two, one…” Cindy deeply inhaled before screaming, “FELIX, WE ARE SO OVER!”