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Rin Itoshi isn't the type to meddle in anyone else's lives. If anything, he tried his hardest to avoid other people's business entirely. He spent his time focusing on his own endeavors, which was mainly just soccer and surpassing Sae. Feelings were never a big part of his life unless it involved his brother.
Which is why Yoichi Isagi infuriated him from the start. He didn't know what to call what he felt for him, but it wasn't the usual indifference he felt for everyone. He began to assume it was just emphasized hatred since he can only get angry at the thought of him, but even he knew it was something soft. He would never come upfront and admit that sort of thing though.
But right now, it wasn't just something small and arbitrary that was bothering Rin, Isagi hadn't been acting himself for a while now. He was used to Isagi's vibrant and hard going persona on the field and his soft, easygoing personality off of it, but it was like his identity completely died and he morphed into someone else entirely. It wasn't a change that was entirely noticeable, it was something that only someone as perceptible and analyzing as Rin could be able to see. To Isagi's closer friends, like Bachira and Chigiri, Isagi hasn't really changed with the exception of maybe just undergoing stress, but to Rin, he noticed almost everything, and it felt like Isagi was a new person entirely.
It was the small things, but mainly the eyes. Isagi's eyes regularly seemed eager to work harder and prove himself, but instead of the usual excitement and joy behind them, it almost seemed like dread or anxiety. Where his eyes used to light up whenever he did something cool or impressive, they now almost constantly seem downcast, as if what he did was never up to his expectations. Where his eyes would always be up and interested in what his friends would ramble to him about, his eyes seemed dead, as if he had a million other thoughts to think about. And the worst; where he used to smile and there would be a glint in his eyes to match the expression, there was now nothing, as if he was never meant to smile at all. He also skipped meals frequently, made plenty of excuses for even small things, seemed restless all the time, and almost looked sick.
It was driving Rin absolutely insane. But he kept telling himself it was none of his business and there's no reason to care anyway, so he kept his head ducked and carried on, doing his best to ignore it.
But deep down, Rin knew he'd find out what's going on eventually.
And though it took some time, he did.
It was late at night, everyone had already cleared out the locker rooms and headed to bed. Rin was the last one standing. He was the last to show up and was slightly slow doing his business, feeling slightly sore for the first time in a while. As he turned to leave, he noticed someone's bag sitting on one of the benches. Upon closer inspection, he could see Isagi's jersey peeking out of it. He rolled his eyes. "Damn idiot forgot his bag again," he muttered under his breath, reaching out to pick it up before he realized the very, very faint noise of one of the showers still on. He pulled his hand back instantly, realizing Isagi has been in here this whole time. He knew he should've just turned his head and walked away, but the nagging feeling to check on him was too overbearing and impulsive.
He creeped over around the corner to the showers and peeked over to see if Isagi was in sight, and what he saw made his heart drop several stories. Isagi wasn't even In the shower. He laid against the wall, still fully clothed in his body suit, and his sleeve completely rolled up. The marks on Isagi's forearm sent a wave of shock through Rin's chest, his breath catching in his throat. Red lines--deep, ugly red lines that shouldn't be on anyone, let alone Isagi--decorated his pale skin. Rin wasn't stupid, he could tell they were deliberate and he knew exactly what was going on. He noticed the way Isagi was admiring them, seeming proud of his work. He knew something was wrong with Isagi, but this? This was another level. This couldn't be Isagi, Isagi would never do this, but the evidence was clear as day. He hadn't meant to see it, he had discovered it by accident, but now he knows, and nothing is changing that.
Rin couldn't stop himself from instantly reacting. He darted from his corner and pressed towards Isagi, his moves sharp and precise. Isagi jumped in surprise, instantly pulling down his sleeves and standing up, feigning ignorance.
"R-Rin?! What are you doing here-"
"No, Isagi," Rin cut him off, his voice too calm for the intensity, but still wavering. "What the hell are YOU doing?"
Isagi wanted to play dumb and pretend like this isn't happening right now, but words died in his throat. His lips parted, but nothing could come out. He felt his heart race increasing, and he couldn't help but look like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Answer me, dammit! What the hell is wrong with you, Isagi? Why are you doing this to yourself?" Rin yelled out, raising his voice and showing his frustration.
The "what the hell Is wrong with you" struck a chord in Isagi. He felt hurt and angry all the sudden as he felt himself explode. He clenched his fists and glared at Rin.
"Mind your own business, Rin!" Isagi snapped. "It's none of your concern and I have it under control. It doesn't matter, especially to you!"
"Like hell it doesn't matter! Isagi, you're... you've been..." Rin took a deep breath, the words dying in his throat but his anger no less apparent. "You just want me to walk away and pretend like I didn't see what you've been doing to yourself?"
"Why wouldn't you!" Isagi snapped again. "We're rivals, Rin. We aren't friends. It's not that big of a deal, it's not like I don't do it in moderation."
"Fuck that 'rivals' bullshit. Do you really think I care about soccer right now?" Rin spat, grabbing Isagi's wrist faster than he could react, not failing to notice Isagi's wince. "And I don't give a fuck if you do it in 'moderation,' you shouldn't be doing it at all you fucking moron!"
Isagi tried to fling his arm out of Rin's grasp, but his attempts were fruitless. "Rin, let me go!"
Rin narrowed his eyes further. "No," he declared with venom before taking his shaky hand and moving Isagi's sleeve up with precision. A proper view of the damage Isagi had done hurt worse than he expected. They were deep, ugly, some discolored, some healed and old, some fresh and bright red, and two had begun bleeding in the process of Rin lifting up his sleeve. Rin could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest. "Isagi..."
Isagi then managed to successfully yank his arm back, pulling down his sleeve directly after. "I said leave it alone, Rin!"
"Leave it alone?" Rin's voice began to rise again, sharp and biting. "You think I'm going to ignore this? Isagi, why! I know you're smart, so why the hell are you doing this stupid ass shit! Is it pressure? Is it a blue lock? Tell me!"
Isagi shook his head, his breathing uneven. "It's not stupid. I don't have to explain myself to you."
"Yes, you do!" Rin snapped, his frustration spilling over. "You're hurting yourself and you're acting like it's nothing! Do you know how crazy you sound?!"
"God, Rin, just stay out of it!" Isagi's voice cracked, desperation creeping into his tone. "It's not your problem! It's my life, not yours!"
Rin's heart was still pounding with fury, his hands now curling into themselves. "WHY do you still think I'm going to ignore this? What are you not understanding, you idiot? Are you deranged? You're hurting yourself Yoichi, I-" he cut himself off, struggling to keep his voice unraveled and steady. "I'm not letting this slide. You're never doing this again and I'll make sure of it."
"You can't do that!" Isagi shouted, panic bubbling over. "You can't control me! I'll do whatever the hell I want regardless of what you have to say about it."
"If I can't stop you, Ego or Anri will."
Isagi froze, his frustration subsiding and full panic entering his system.
"R-Rin... you wouldn't do that."
"Try me," Rin said coldly.
Isagi suddenly felt nauseous. He grasped his chest and almost looked pitiful.
"No, please, you don't understand," Isagi pleaded, his voice smaller now as he finally looked Rin in the eyes. "You can't take it from me. It's mine. It helps me so much. It--it's saved me so many times. Nothing else makes me feel better. I like it, okay? I don't need or want help. I have no desire to stop." A small smile found its way onto Isagi's face, one that finally matched his expression and met his eyes for the first time in weeks, but it was so empty, so broken, it felt like a knife to the heart. This is how Isagi truly feels; unimportant, unworthy, torn, lost. But he doesn't want to reach out his hand and cry for help, he'd rather drown in it and self destruct. Rin realized all of this like a twisted epiphany.
Rin's response didn't come immediately. His eyes were wide for a few seconds before he squeezed them shut and put his head down, his hair now covering his face and his fingernails now engraving marks in his palms. His breath grew erratic, so erratic that Isagi could hear it. He couldn't handle it. hearing Isagi's words, his twisted way of thinking, and seeing that smile broke him.
Isagi's smile faltered, and he felt himself grow concerned at Rin's random silence and breathing. He was about to reach out or call to him, but Rin then suddenly beat him to it after letting out a shaky breath.
"Stop... please stop," Rin whispered, uncharacteristically soft and his head still down. "Don't say anything like that ever again."
"Rin, why do you care so mu-"
"Stop," Rin cut him off, his voice still raw with fear but slightly raised. "Why do you think I don't care about you? Why do you think you don't matter? Do you know how much this hurts me? How much would this hurt people close to you?"
"But that's not fair," Isagi said clearly, his frustration coming back only slightly. "There's no reason for it to hurt other people. I'm just doing it to feel better. Would you rather I suffer and not have help at all?"
Rin snapped his head up. "No reason to hurt other people? Doing it to feel better? Isagi you sound insane right now I-" Rin cut himself off again, throwing his head back down and feeling tears pool heavily in his eyes.
"You're scaring me, Yoichi," Rin softly admitted, his voice shaking heavily.
Isagi's eyes widened. "W-what-"
"I said you're scaring me, idiot!" Rin shouted loudly, whipping his head up again but this time with tears threatening to fall. "You'd rather hurt yourself than ask for help, you like doing it, you don't think this is a big deal, you sound absolutely fucking insane, I-I-- I'm scared God dammit! I'm fucking scared of losing you to this shit!" The tears finally fell from Rin's eyes, making him appear even more vulnerable. "I don't know what to do. Im scared," he added in a whisper, feeling even more tears spill from his eyes.
"R-Rin..." Isagi stuttered out, not knowing what to say and shocked at Rin's vulnerable state.
Rin instantly built his walls back up, somewhat embarrassed by his display. He wiped his tears violently off his face and grabbed Isagi's shoulders, looking at him with an unrelenting gaze.
"I'm gonna tell you this right now; I don't give a shit if you want help or not. I don't care about what you want at all. You think this is unfair? Too bad. You think I can't control you? You fucking watch me. If you don't do as I say, I can promise you'll do what Ego or Anri says."
Isagi tensed again, feeling the panic rise again at the mention of Ego and Anri.
"Rin, please," Isagi tried to plead again, "why are you doing this?"
Rin almost lost it at the question. "How dare you have the audacity to ask me that? Did I not just make it abundantly clear that I care for you? I will do whatever it takes to stop you. Please for the love of god just let me help you! I'd rather you talk to me, but If you don't want to, why don't you talk to Bachira? Any of your friends? They won't shut you out. You don't even have to tell them what you're doing. Just tell them how you're feeling instead of slowly killing yourself!"
"It's not that easy. I hate the thought of talking to someone about it. I just-" Isagi cut himself off and took a deep breath. "I really just want to be left alone about it."
"Well that's too damn bad," Rin hissed. "because I'm never leaving you alone again. You don't have to talk to me right now, but I can't trust you to be alone for a while. Your privacy is gone. You aren't gonna be alone, and I'm checking your arms everyday to make sure you aren't doing it."
"Rin, you can't do that--"
"What did I just say, Isagi?" Rin interrupted with a scowl. "I don't care what you think is fair. I don't care about what you think at all. If you don't want help, I'll force it. I can't lose you, Isagi."
Isagi's gaze slightly softened, but the panic still coursed through him. Rin's grip suddenly tightened on him.
"Where is it?" Rin asked bluntly.
Isagi cocked an eyebrow. "Where is what?"
Rin let out a humorless, almost scary laugh. "It is a really bad idea to play stupid with me right now. Where is the blade, or whatever you use."
Isagi felt his heart drop. "Rin-- no, please, I'll talk to you, I'll try to stop just please, don't take that from me."
Rin's eyes narrowed. "Trying isn't good enough. You WILL stop, and you WILL tell me where it is or I swear to god Isagi, I will tear this entire place apart until I find it myself."
Isagi sighed, and hung his head low before softly muttering something about his bag. Rin wasted no time. He let go of Isagi and sprinted toward the bench he remembered seeing his abandoned bag on. Isagi was quick to follow, letting out protests even though he knew it'd fall on deaf ears.
Rin took the bag violently, thrashing his hand through the contents until he felt a slight prick on his finger on one of the side pockets. He pulled it out quickly, feeling his heart twist again at the sharp, slightly stained blade. Without a second thought, he snapped it clear in half and discarded it. Isagi gasped.
"No!" Isagi's voice broke as he lunged forward. "You didn't have to do that, that was--"
"Gone," Rin finished, looking back to Isagi again, feeling most of the weight leave his shoulders. "It's gone. you're done with this."
Isagi didn't respond, he sank to the floor and hid his face in his hands, feeling his body begin to shake and unable to stop an endless stream of tears from leaving his eyes.
If Rin didn't feel so relieved about his blade being discarded, he might have felt a little bad for Isagi, but he definitely did not feel guilty.
He went down on the floor with Isagi, awkwardly wrapping his arms around him protectively, trying to calm his shaking.
"It's going to be okay, Isagi. You're going to be okay. You said earlier you'd talk to me, can you please talk to me? I don't care how long it takes. I don't care if we are up all night. I just want to help you. Please talk to me."
Isagi gently shook his head. "I-I can't. I'm- I'm scared," Isagi sobbed, peeling his hands from his face and grasping onto Rin like a lifeline. Rin held him tighter.
"I know you are. I'm scared too. But you have me, okay? You aren't alone. If you don't talk to me right this second then fine, but at least promise me you're stopping."
Isagi caught his breath in his throat, hesitance more than visible. Rin didn't let up.
"Promise, or I tell Ego."
Isagi sighed. "Fine. I promise."
Rin felt relief course through his body again. Part of him felt bad for threatening Isagi with telling Ego, but hearing Isagi promise made it worth it, and he didn't feel bad at all.
Rin pulled back from Isagi slightly, his gaze softening seeing Isagi's tear stained face.
"We're going to figure this out together, Yoichi. Whether you like it or not," Rin promised.
Isagi's hands trembled on Rin, feeling a whirlwind of emotions. But as Rin sat beside him with unwavering determination, he definitely could say he felt less alone.