Chapter Text
Calvin stared at Andre as he drove them to the next location to prepare for Zero Day. Andre didn’t notice, despite everything he was surprisingly safe while driving. Calvin couldn’t tear his eyes away from Andre’s strong, practiced hands, the same ones that so nicely curled around the trigger of a gun. They sit at ten and two and grip the wheel harder for a moment, some unknown though running through his mind. Cal’s mind runs with the thought of Andre’s hands and a blush rose to his cheeks slowly. One that could easily be explained away by the summer heat or the failing AC in Andre’s car.
Calvin wished he could lean over and take one of Andre’s hands. To force him to pull over so he could start from his hands, to caress his fingers, slowly moving up his forearm, kissing at the straight scars, methodically cut into him, now faded to faint brownish lines obscured by the initial tanning of his skin. He wanted to move up his muscular biceps, strong enough to hold him down when they wrestle, the sessions that leave Cal out of breath, half hard in his pants, and head spinning. He longed to have Andre bare his neck to him. He craved the taste of his skin, he needed to put his lips and tongue to his jugular, to learn the taste of his pulse, to memorize the tick of his heart. To find out if the heart of the militant teen that he wanted so much could do anything but steadily march. To pause at his mouth, his lips, the chapped and snide lips he has. Inside, he wishes, to feel the shape of his gums, his teeth, to his tongue, to taste the hearty lunches his mother makes him, the savory sweet taste of it. Moving down to his chest, slowly getting more toned. To take a nipple in his mouth, to hear the broken gasp that falls from his lips. To drag his fingertips down his stomach and feel the muscles tense under him. To bring practiced fingers around Andres cock, fantasizing about how his pubic hair looks, how his cock looks, is he cut? Is he big? He wouldn’t care. He would be hard already, leaking in his underwear. Calvin’s hands a welcome presence on his skin. A shudder would run through him as he got closer and closer to his release. Unable to help himself Andre would grip onto Cal wherever he can reach, his shirt, his hair, his body, with all the force he can to stay quiet. His orgasm would be explosive, white strings shooting from his cock and muscles throughout his body taught with pleasure.
It takes everything within Calvin to not tell Andre how he feels. Whenever they’re alone a pit forms in his stomach, formed with guilt and shame. Telling Andre could prove disastrous, Cal could lose the only person he has, his best friend. The only person who gets him. He wouldn’t know what to do, if Andre abandoned him, something drastic for sure. Andre might even call off Zero Day. Cal takes a deep breath and sighs, breaking himself out of his spiral.
“Why are you sighing? You bored already?” Andre remarks. Cal shakes his head, trying to dispel his thoughts and respond.
“No, Im fine, just too hot.” he lies, he’s bad at lying to Andre. he’s hoping he doesn’t notice, he always does but he still hopes anyways. What was a stupid thing that was. Andre has always been able to tell. Without fail he’s called him out when he was lying since he first met him. I bugged him to no end. And only endeared him to Andre more.
“What’s actually up Cal? Tell the truth”
He knew it.
“I don't wanna talk ‘bout it ‘kay?” Cal tried to brush it off like it was no big deal, like he wasn’t fantasizing about his best friend and every inch of his skin.
Andre drops it. He sighs and continues to drive. “Don't let whatever's going on in your head fuck with Zero Day.” he comments. Andre can tell that there.s something off about Calvin. There’s something different about the way they he’s been treating him and acting around him that’s just…off. He hasn’t been distant or irritable but Cal has been strangely clingy and less talkative than normal. He wonders if he had done anything wrong to make Cal feel so awkward around him. Andre keeps a nonchalant mask while he drives, as he usually does when he starts to think of Cal.
It’s not like that . He doesn’t like Cal like that . Hes not a fag.
Their mission goes on without a hitch. And Cal feels a hitch in his throat as Andre drops him off for dinner, smiling brightly at his mother in the doorway behind him, the same smile that’s been rehearsed for years, one he never wears around Calvin. Cal’s mother turns around for a moment and a different smile, just for him, appears on his face.
That’s different
. It was truthful,
real,
it was
Andre.
Not the one that shows up when their parents are around, not the one at school, it was who he really was. The one that he sees when he makes a joke or when they watch a movie in the basement. Cal says goodnight, trying to get away before he says something that he would regret. From his living room window he watches Andre drive away out of the corner of his eye and a piece of him leaves in that car. He eats dinner and goes to bed, completely uneventfully. He misses Andre.