Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Betty raised the binoculars to her eyes and studied Simon afar off.

He was sitting with his penguins at the base of his castle, and he was also looking through binoculars, spying on Finn and Jake having a picnic with Jake’s girlfriend and kids. It was a scorching summer day and it hadn’t rained in over a month, so the family had come to the Ice Kingdom to cool off for a while. They had finished eating and were now building snowdogs and snowhumans.

Keeping his eyes on them, Simon ordered his penguins to copy everything the family did. He seemed to be trying to play Finn and Jake simultaneously, with little success. Betty cast a listening spell to hear what he was saying.

“Gee Jake, aren’t you just having the best day of your life right now?” he said in his approximation of Finn’s voice.

“No way Finn, it can’t be the best day ever bec-Gunter! I know you can make snowpenguins better than that! Stop biting Daddy’s leg Goonter, you’re embarrassing me.” He cleared his throat and went on, “Because our best friend Ice King isn’t here with us.”

“You’re right, Jake. I’d cry right now but my tears would freeze and the ladies wouldn’t like it. Goonther, do you think you could learn to stretch or grow a horn and turn things different colors with it? It would just really add to the realism here and I want this to be authentic.”

Betty lowered her binoculars and scribbled notes on her arm, having forgotten to bring anything to write on. As she resumed her watch, she heard Finn call out, “I wonder if these snowguys are secretly alive. And, uh, evil.”

“Yeah dude, we might need to slay them,” Jake concurred. “I don’t like the sinister look in their eyes.”

“Eh, they’re too boring to be secretly alive,” Simon said with a shrug. “I love you guys but you’re not very good at making snowcreatures.”

Finn and Jake waited a moment, occasionally casting glances up at Simon, who remained oblivious.

“I wonder if there’s anyone around that could bring them to life!” Jake Jr. yelled.

Simon gasped. “I’m the one who knows how to do that!” He shot up to his feet and ran towards them, carrying a penguin that he didn’t know had been climbing on his back. When he had almost reached them he shot ice magic from his fingertips but tripped and accidentally hit Jake with it, freezing him.

“Is Dad dead?” TV asked, eyes wide.

“Oopsie!” Simon said with a laugh. “Clumsy Clayton over here!”

Lady Rainicorn shouted something at him in anger, while Finn rubbed his head and said in exasperation, “Could you unfreeze him, Simon?”

“Oh yeah, sure!” Simon hurriedly used his magic to unfreeze him. “Anything for my bros.”

“Seriously dude?” Jake asked once he could speak again. He was shivering, but Lady Rainicorn wrapped herself around him to warm him up.

“Magic is hard Jake, you for one should know that. I bet you’re accidentally stretching on people all the time.”

“No comment."

“Alrighty now, where was I? Oh yeah, I’m making your snowbabies alive so you can cut their heads off. You came to the right guy for that!”

Simon hit his target this time and zapped their snow creations, giving them life. They moved their arms up and down and made an odd groaning sound. Finn and Jake defeated them swiftly and effortlessly, and as each one fell they became lifeless flurries of snow once again.

“Oh Globbit, they were supposed to be way more evil and scary than that,” said Simon, disappointed.

“No way, those guys were bad biscuits,” said Jake.

“Yeah, thanks for the help, Simon,” said Finn, putting his sword away. “Here, have a sandwich.”

He reached into their picnic basket and tossed a sandwich over to him. Simon missed but quickly snatched it out of the snow. “Egg salad, ugh. I mean, mmm, my favorite!”

“We’ve got to rest now after that epic battle, and you must be exhausted after using all that magic,” Finn continued. “Why don’t you enjoy that sandwich and take a nap, and we’ll hang out again soon, okay?”

“Yeah, okay!” Simon said, beaming. He exaggeratedly yawned and stretched and waved goodbye. He then flew off and grabbed up all his penguins, dropping one as he flew back inside his castle.

Finn took out a throwing and catching disk and was about to throw it for Jake and his kids to catch, but Betty flew over and interrupted before he could.

“Hello, sorry to intrude on your family time,” she began, feeling self-conscious as they were all staring at her.

“We don’t have any magic relics for you to steal,” Jake said suspiciously.

“I’ve got an enchanted thumbtack,” Charlie piped up.

“I’m not here to trick you or steal from you or anything like that,” said Betty, slightly embarrassed. “I was thinking, well, in this time, you known Simon better than anyone. You even call him by his true name, you don’t know how much that means to me. I wanted to ask… have you ever tried to bring him back? Have you ever seen glimpses of the real Simon?”

“We wouldn’t even know where to start,” said Finn, his eyes downcast.

“We feel bad for him, but Betty, he’s been doing better lately,” Jake added. “He’s a friend now, and he’s pretty happy overall. Plus he hardly ever kidnaps princesses anymore, I’d call that a win.”

Betty’s anger flared. “Oh, he’s your friend? Is that why you patronize him and feed into his mental illness instead of trying to help him? The man I love is trapped in his own mind and no one will help me help him!”

“We want to help him, but we also need to do what’s best for him,” Finn said gently. “Shoving cures down his throat and trying to force him into what we want him to be won’t help him. I mean sure, it’d be totally math if we could get him back, but in the meantime… this is who he is, and we’ve got to respect that.”

Tiny Manticore’s voice echoed inside her head, as it had many times before. “Maybe you’re going after someone who doesn’t exist anymore. Why not take him as he is? After all, you’ve been through a lot of changes yourself.”

Betty briefly considered his words again but then shook her head. “He’s still in there, and I can’t just give up on him.”

Finn started to say something else but she took off before he could get it out. TV called in her wake, “Nice hat!”

Grumbling to herself, Betty flew up to Simon’s tower and looked in through the window. Simon was holding one of his penguins while another some distance away stood with its arms raised.

“I’m the human dog and you’re the dog human.” A pause, then, “Well, what are you waiting for? Bark like a dog-boy!”

“Wenk.”

Simon tried to throw the penguin he was holding like a disk but only succeeded in knocking out the other penguin.“You would’ve caught him if you would get into character. Actors, sheesh.”

Betty steeled herself and then flew inside. She grabbed up Simon and flew out with him before he had time to react.

“I wasn’t doing anything, honest! And since when can you fly, Finn? The nerve of some-” Simon looked up and saw Betty. His eyes widened into saucers. “Well hello, gorgeous. I don’t know you, but you must be from Ooo because you are be-ooo-tiful!”

Betty groaned but otherwise didn’t respond to him. It proved difficult for her to stay silent the entire way as he never ran out of things to say.

“I’m detecting a hint of sweat and soil. Oh baby, you didn’t have to put on perfume just for little old me!

“Say, there’s the Wildberry Kingdom. Wanna pick up Wildberry Princess so she can join us? I’m open to anything, babe.”

“You ever think about where we are before we’re born? Where do babies come from, anyway?”

“I had that dream again last night. The one where the old man with four hairlines cries in the corner in his rocking chair while his fingers and toes come to life and sing and dance around him until the potato soup he’s cooking on the stove boils over and fills the whole room and he drowns in potato. I know everyone has that dream but I’d like to not have it every once in a while, you know?”

“Would you date a clone of yourself? I did back when I worked in the office.”

Betty had a powerful migraine by the time they reached their destination. She carried Simon into an old abandoned house. Its windows were broken and part of it had burned down, yet it was still standing. On the inside, however, Betty had done what she could to make the place nice and comfortable. She’d scrounged up some chairs and pillows, none of them matching, and she’d found family pictures from various families across Ooo and hung them up on the walls. She had also painted the walls a bright, cheerful yellow that she now realized hurt her eyes a bit. Honestly she wasn’t at all sure if she had succeeded in making the place homey, but it was better than it had been and anyway, she couldn’t do this in her own home. She didn’t want Tiny Manticore to judge her for what she was about to do.

“Nice love nest,” Simon commented. “Or is this your parent’s place? I think it’s a little early in our relationship to meet the parents, but sure, why not? Wish I’d worn a tie, though...”

Simon turned from her from a moment, muttering to himself. When he turned back, he had drawn faces on both hands, one with a mustache and the other with a hair bow.

“Don’t you keep our Ice Son out too late, missy” he warned in a high-pitched voice.

“I’ll be cleaning my shotgun all night so you’d better be back before curfew,” the other hand spoke gruffly.

“Give us lots of grandkids!” Simon tried to say in both their voices at once.

Betty sighed and took a poorly folded set of clothes from one of the chairs and passed it to Simon. “Please, put these on.”

“Wow, parents and gifts, we must be going steady already. But I didn’t get you anything! Um, I mean…” Simon thought for a moment, and then he ripped part of his beard off with a cry of pain. He then quickly braided it into a circle and offered it to her. “Here, a necklace just for you!”

Betty took the beard necklace with a forced smile but dropped it behind her back. “Thank you, now please get dressed.”

“Only if you turn around. No peeking!”

Betty sighed again and turned around. She heard him undressing, and he whispered with a giggle, “You can peek a little, I won’t tell.”

She waited for him to finish, and turned back around when he said, “Hey, what gives? You made me look like a nerd!”

Betty’s eyes pricked with tears when she saw Simon wearing a suit nearly identical to his old one, along with a red bowtie. He had even put on the old, cracked glasses she’d found, she had expected him to fight her on those.

“You look great, Simon.” Betty reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She handed it to him and said, “Please read these lines.”

Simon studied the paper for a moment, eyebrows knit in confusion. His face then brightened as he exclaimed, “Oh I get it, we’re roleplaying! That’s so sexy of you, Weird Lady.”

“Yeah, sure, we’re roleplaying. Now please, read the first line to me.”

Simon cleared his throat and said, “Hello, my name is Simon Petrikov. I’m an antiquarian of ancient artifacts.”

“Hi, I’m Betty Grof,” said Betty, trying not to get her hopes up.

Another long pause. Then, from Simon, “Did you want me to keep going or stop after the first line?”

“Keep going, please.”

“Alrighty. It’s nice to meet you, Betty.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Simon. Would you like to go on a date with me? We can go to any of your favorite places. The library, the seafood restaurant, the antique store, the zoo…”

“How about the Candy Kingdom? Princess Bubblegum won’t stop texting me, and just look at these saucy messages!” Simon pulled a banana out of his beard and held it out to her.

“Oh, I know!” Betty concentrated and used her magic to transform the house into a small garden. The garden was full of flowers and various vegetables, and was situated by several brick buildings.

“The university’s community garden. You used to come here all the time to think, it wasn’t until I shared my plot with you that you actually started growing things. Neither of us were very good at it, but the fresh food was nice and your sunflowers were lovely.”

Betty took Simon by the hand and led him to their shared plot, past several other faceless people tending to theirs. Bell peppers, green beans, and tomatoes were growing with varying degrees of success. But outshining them all was the patch of sunflowers, just as Betty had said. They were tall and bright and their petals were the color of the sun setting.

“Where’s the garden princess? I’d like to meet her,” Simon said eagerly.

“Stick to the script,” Betty replied, plastering a smile on her face and trying so very hard not to lose patience with him.

“Oh, okay. Let’s see, where was I? Um, I don’t believe in the supernatural, but I’ve always been fascinated by superstitions. I discovered the Enchiridion, along with other supernatural ancient artifacts. Weird Lady, I don’t mean to be rude, but this is pretty boring roleplay.”

“Just keep going!” she snapped. Betty grabbed his shoulder and brought them down to their knees. She yanked one of the sunflowers down and shoved it in his face, more forcefully than she intended, and made him smell it.

“If you say so,” said Simon, starting to sound concerned. “I am engaged to be married to Betty Grof. What? Engaged? Where’s my ring? You call this a proposal?!”

Simon pushed her away and Betty fell on her back. She lost her concentration and the garden disappeared, leaving them in the old house once again.

Betty sat back up and pulled at her hair in frustration. She angrily mumbled to herself under her breath and Simon noticed. Despite his misgivings, he said, “Look, I’m sorry, Weird Lady. Your proposal wasn’t really that bad, and I don’t need a ring. I’ve collected hundreds of them back home, some of them even do cool stuff like turn you magenta or force you to only tell boring secrets, not even the juicy ones! We can still make this work, I pinky swear it.”

He gasped as Betty suddenly pounced on him and grabbed his head between her hands. Her grip was so strong that her fingernails dug into his skin. Her breathing grew heavy as she unleashed her magic and poured it deep into his mind, gritting her teeth from the exertion.

Simon cried out in pain, but rather than fight her off he asked in a strained voice, “Is this second base?”

“Repeat after me,” Betty said, her voice distorted. “I am Simon Petrikov.”

“I’m not though! I thought you were!”

“Say it!”

“Okay, okay! I am Simon Petrikov!”

“Again! Don’t stop saying it until I tell you!”

“Fine, but you are into some kinky stuff, lady! I am Simon Petrikov! I am Simon Petrikov!”

She sent her magic deeper, forcing herself not to recoil from the feel of his mind. It was like shattered glass, like bugs crawling under her skin, like… ice. She would start to get a hold of it but the pain would cause her to lose her grip and she would have to start again. It was taking all her strength, but she was determined to make this work. She tried to force the jagged, broken pieces of his mind back together, and she directed her magic to heal what remained of it.

“I am Si...Simon Petriko...kov.” Simon’s voice was growing weaker. “I-I am… Sss…”

Betty kept going, for how long she could not say. Maybe minutes, maybe hours, maybe even years. It felt like years. The fragments of Simon’s mind refused to come together, they resisted any form of healing. She was getting absolutely nowhere, but she forged on regardless.

It took her a long time to notice that Simon was no longer speaking. She hadn’t even realized her eyes were shut, and when she forced them open she looked down and saw that he was unconscious and breathing shallowly. But although he was unconscious, his face was contorted in agony. Betty had been ignoring her own excruciating pain, but she couldn’t ignore his.

Betty relaxed her grip and the two of them fell to the floor, with Simon’s head landing on her chest. Tears ran down her cheeks as she accepted failure once again. In spite of her exhaustion, she started formulating her next plan.

Simon’s breathing gradually return to normal. His eyes fluttered open and he looked up at her. It stung when he winced in fear of her, yet he was so lonely that he stayed where he was, in her arms.

“Guess I’m not a virgin anymore,” he said in a gravelly, tired voice. “We can do it again if you want, I think we just need a safe word. How about Gunter?”

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” she murmured. “I was trying to help you.”

“You don’t look so good, Weird Lady. My great aunt twice-removed is a doctor, she could give you a check up.”

“Why are you worried about me?” Betty exploded, surprising him and herself. “I kidnapped you and put you through so much pain… just like every other time I’ve tried to cure you. I’m hurting us both, and getting nowhere.”

She was certain that if she hadn’t stopped for Simon’s sake, she would have kept going until she passed out, or worse. How much damage might she have caused in the name of healing?

“Don’t beat yourself up, Weird Lady. I’m sure we’ve all been there.”

Betty ran her fingers through his hair, it was comforting to have something to do with her hands. “I lost my mind, Simon. Here I am trying to fix you while I lose more of myself each day. Even if I could get you back, you still wouldn’t recognize me, would you?”

“I mean, it’s not like you know me either. I don’t know why everyone keeps calling me Simon, I guess they’re pranking me.”

“Would you mind if I keep calling you Simon?”

“It’s all right, I guess. There are worse names out there, like Hubert, or Waiter.”

“You can call me Betty, if you’d like.”

“Sure, Weird Lady.”

“Would you mind if I came to live with you in your castle?” Betty asked, surprising herself and hoping she wouldn’t regret this.

Simon seemed to freeze, his expression shocked. “A pretty lady wants to move in with me? Well, we are engaged, after all. Of course you can live with me! You can live with me, and Gunther, and Goonter, and Goonth…”

Simon passed out again, though he was smiling in his slumber. Betty lifted him up and flew him out of the house, back to his home. She tucked him in his bed and then flew back to the place she had been calling home lately.

Tiny Manticore had been sleeping in the windowsill but looked up as she flew in. He eyed her groggily as he waited for her to speak.

“This house is yours, I won’t be staying here anymore.” She sighed in resignation and said, “I’m going to take your advice. I’m going to accept Simon for who he is. Or try, anyway.”

“Then you’ve taken your first steps out of this prison you’ve built for yourself, and for him.”

Betty turned away, pensive and… hopeful? Was that hope she was feeling for the first time in so long? It was tiny and frail, but she held onto it like a lifeline.

Chapter Text

“Where’s your suitcase? You forgot all your stuff!” Simon exclaimed.

“Nope, this is it,” Betty replied, gesturing to the clothes she was wearing.

She started to take a step inside Simon’s castle, but he ran off as if in a panic. Betty shrugged and let herself in, casting her gaze around her new home. She shuddered as she thought the word ‘home,’ but for the time being that’s what this place would have to be.

She walked over to his bed and ran her fingers over the blanket. His diary was lying on the pillow and she started to reach out and take it, hopeful that it might contain some clue to saving him. But she stopped herself and let it be, making the difficult decision to respect his privacy.

And after all, knowing him, he’d probably volunteer to read it to her himself at some point anyway.

His drum kit intrigued her a bit; if Simon had ever played any musical instruments she didn’t know about it. Was this a connection to his past, or was it something he’d always wanted to do but hadn’t until the madness took over? Or did he only play it to try to impress women? That was the reason he had the weightlifting equipment, which was currently covered in spoiled food and unwashed robes. Most of his castle was in a similar state, and Betty was trying not to breathe through her nose.

Simon rushed back in, his arms full of junk. “Here you go, Weird Lady! I mean, Betty!”

He dumped it all at her feet, looking pleased with himself.

“Uh, what is all this?” Betty tentatively asked.

“It’s your new stuff! I didn’t want you to be sad because you don’t have anything, so you can have some of mine! I’ve been needing to have a garage sale anyway, someone’s getting to be a bit of a hoarder around here.”

“Oh,” Betty said, surprised. She knelt down and looked through her new ‘belongings’ more closely. There was a homemade trophy made of papier-mache labeled, ‘Ice King #1 Rap Champ No Matter What LSP Says.’ A framed candid photo of Jake stepping out of the shower and looking outraged, presumably yelling at Simon to get out of his bathroom. A chessboard but without the pieces; they were instead drawn on in crayon. A collection of silverware he had attempted to paint different colors. Tattered and slightly charred teal curtains. A wrench with nails glued to it. Gunter. But one item caught her eye: a small, ornate box.

She took the box and examined it closely, being extremely careful as she felt the ancient wood give slightly beneath her fingers. She opened the lid and a quiet melody began to play. It was out of tune and discordant after so much time had passed, and she couldn’t recognize what the song was supposed to be. There were also two dancers in the box, though they had corroded to the point that their faces and clothes could hardly be made out and they could barely move. And yet, Betty’s heart melted as she listened to the music and watched them try to dance.

“Thank you for these gifts, Simon,” she said softly.

“You can put them in your room, in here.” Simon eagerly took her by the hand and led her to his open ice prison, where he had set up a couch with a fold-out bed, a toilet that wasn’t connected to anything, a pile of nachos, and a stack of comic books.

Betty stared at the set-up for a moment before quietly but firmly saying, “Get rid of the prison, Simon.”

“The what? Oh, that! I’m such a silly-billy, I haven’t even used that in forever!” Simon laughed as he zapped the prison with his magic, melting the bars.

“That’s much better,” said Betty, relieved.

“I already made your room perfect for you, but is there anything else I can do to make you happy, roomie?”

“Well…” Betty thought about it, and then she went and fetched the curtains he had given her. She had him make her some hooks out of ice and she hung them up around her bed.

“Why’d you have me get rid of the prison if you were just going to make your own?” Simon asked, perplexed.

“A little privacy is good, for both of us. Now Simon, if I’m going to live here with you, you’ve got to help me take care of it. I don’t want to boss you around, but we need to do something about this mess.”

“You are so right. I mean, my best bros Finn and Jake could come around any time and they would not be happy about this,” Simon agreed, shaking his head. “BMO would give me a real stern talking to if he saw it.”

“Yeah, that is a good reason to keep the place clean. You would like to have your friends over, wouldn’t you?” The thought made Betty uncomfortable, though she kept it to herself. It reminded her that she didn’t have any friends here, not that she’d had many before either. She always tried to tell herself that it didn’t bother her, but in this new living situation, she had a feeling she would be forced to think about it more often.

Betty shook her head to dispel the thought and said, “Let’s start by cleaning up the old food and garbage around the place.”

Simon got them both a trash bag and they set to work. After a few minutes, Betty started absentmindedly humming to herself as she cleaned, hardly noticing she was doing it.

“You have a lovely voice!” Simon exclaimed.

“Oh, uh, thank you,” she replied, her cheeks reddening. She hadn’t meant to do it, it was force of habit. Still, she was glad it made him happy.

“I can sing too, you know.” He burst into song, “Daddy, why did you eat my fries? I bought them, and they-”

“Do you know any other songs?” Betty asked, wincing a little.

“Um… I know you just wanna give your little girl the world-”

“Making your way in the world today, takes everything you've got.” Betty was surprised to hear her singing voice, she used it so rarely. It was a little hoarse from disuse, and yet, the words brought her comfort so she kept going. “Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.”

Simon gaped at her, and then sang, “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.”

Betty gasped and dropped her trash bag. She flew over to Simon and squeezed his hands, and continued, “And they're always glad you came, you want to be where you can see. Our troubles are all the same, you want to be where everybody knows your name.”

“Where everybody knows your name,” Simon sang, very softly.

Betty bit her lip and looked up into Simon’s eyes. She didn’t notice that she was holding her breath as she waited for him to finally recognize her.

Simon looked like he was thinking hard for a moment, but then he grinned. “Everybody already knows the name Ice King, you might not know this but I’m pretty famous. Not sure I know your name though… Betty, you said? Kind of a blah name, don’t you think? Have you considered changing it to something cool, like Ice Queen?”

Betty let out a frustrated, anguished cry and pushed him away. She felt magic build up in her fingertips and she unleashed it on the garbage surrounding them, enlarging it all so the work they would have to do was now at least tripled. Betty grabbed at her hair and started muttering to herself as she took flight and headed for the nearest window. She almost flew away, abandoning this doomed endeavor and this wretched place once and for all. She would have, had she not turned back and met Simon’s gaze.

He looked at her in confusion and hurt, his eyes wide and remorseful. Betty felt her anger leave her, but it seemed to take her strength with it and she sank to the floor, completely drained. She wrapped her arms around her knees, rocking back and forth, still muttering to herself. She had known not to get her hopes up, she knew better than this, but she couldn’t help it.

Simon continued watching her for a long moment, unsure of why she was acting this way or what he should do about it. After trying to give it some thought, he knelt down before her and said, “I didn’t mean it, your name is very pretty. Are you going to cry now?”

Betty’s breathing quickened, her heart was pounding in her chest. Her whole body started to shake, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She hoped he would see how he had upset her. It was unintentional, she knew that, and even if he realized what he’d done he was incapable of understanding why. But she couldn’t keep herself from hoping.

“Oh glob, I know what this is, happens to me all the time,” said Simon, nodding his head knowingly. “I mean, how could it not? I’m always seeing the freakiest deakiest things every day all the time that no one else ever sees for some reason. Gets intense sometimes. Okay, so, smell five things.”

Betty stopped muttering to herself and asked in bewilderment, “Smell five things?”

“Uh-huh.”

She was still shaking and breathing shallowly, but she was able to open her eyes to stare at him. “The only smell in here is rotting food.”

“You’re forgetting the sweaty socks, penguin droppings, ice, and my sexy cologne.”

“I wasn’t going to bring up your cologne.” She was pretty sure he had used some combination of motor oil, hair spray, and paprika.

“If that won’t work, touch four things then.”

Betty tentatively reached up and felt Magic Man’s hat, now hers. It was softer than it looked, though she swore she could feel a slight tingle of the magic it had absorbed over the years. She then ran her fingers over her her face, noting her eyes, nose, and mouth and marveling over the fact that she was still here in spite of everything. She reached into her pocket and felt the glasses resting there, as close as she could find to the ones Simon used to wear. How she longed for the day he would put them on and see her, truly see her, for the first time in a millennium. Or try to, anyway, since it was highly unlikely they would actually suit his eyes. Oh, how she missed her Simon. How her heart ached with her longing to get him back.

She then reached out but yanked her hands back when she felt the icy touch of his fingers. She clenched and unclenched her hands several times, before consciously choosing to take his cold hands in hers. She turned her gaze back up to him and felt her breathing and heart rate slow and settle. The pain was still there in her chest, where it always would be, but she reminded herself that if she wanted to be with Simon, then she would have to accept the man kneeling before her.

Betty took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m all right now. Thank you… for helping me through that,” she whispered.

“You forgot the other steps. You’re supposed to lick three things next.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Betty released him and went back to cleaning, trying to blink away tears as she did. She was a little unsteady on her feet though, and to her immense surprise, Simon noticed.

“Not a good idea to go to work after a loopy spell like that. You should rest for a while, put your feet up.”

She started to argue and insist she continue cleaning, since the thought of later waking up to this disaster was depressing, but she was utterly exhausted and growing light-headed. Grudgingly, she accepted his offer and laid down on her couch bed. It was lumpy and the blanket was scratchy, but it was better than anything she’d slept in for a long time now. Her eyes closed immediately, but it always took her a long time to fall asleep these days. Actually that wasn’t true. She’d never been good at sleeping.

She listened as Simon rummaged around in one of the garbage bags. “You know, you’re good at making up your own songs. I want to give it a try. Let’s see… Goonter takes too long in the shower, I once stepped on a flower. My best bros are Finn and Jake, Gunther once ate a… chicken-snake! I’m a daddy to a bunch of penguins, Peppermint Butler likes to… uh… what rhymes with penguins?”

“Nothing does,” Betty yawned.

“Hmm, well what about slanted rhymes? You know, cheater ones? Come on, help a guy out.”

“Umm…” She took a deep breath and sang in a quavery voice, “Peppermint Butler likes to… lengthen? Ugh, that was terrible.”

“No, that’s great! Keep going!” he encouraged.

“Okay, well… the night sky is filled with pretty stars, I’d like to put them all in jars!”

Simon laughed and sang back, “The bathroom’s got a ghost, I like mustard on my toast!”

In spite of herself, Betty giggled. She was surprised to find she was actually enjoying this, as ridiculous as it was. “My favorite composer is Mozart, when I was little I wanted a go-kart!”

“I don’t know how to rhyme, and I don’t know about mesenchyme!”

Betty smiled as she started dozing off, while Simon continued serenading her. Eventually she could no longer hear his voice, and the magic within her gave her vivid dreams and nightmares as it always did. But she still managed to sleep longer and more deeply than she had in ages.

When she awoke the next morning, she sat up and stretched as she marveled at how refreshed she felt for once. She could hear Simon and the penguins snoring and she wondered what time it was.

Betty stood and stepped through the curtains, bracing herself for more cleaning, and hoping it would only take another day or two and not weeks or months. But to her utter amazement, there was no garbage to be found anywhere. The Ice Kingdom was spotless, and smelled vaguely lemony.

She walked over to Simon’s bed, where he was snoring peacefully and talking to himself.

“What about Ice Betty? It was my grandfather’s maiden name, you should be honored,” he mumbled. “Give Tree Trunks her trunk back and let’s talk about it some more.”

Betty shook her head, but a tiny smile tugged at the corner of her lip. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, shivering at his freezing touch.

Chapter Text

Betty was flying around Simon’s palace, trying not to worry and failing at it. He had left sometime during the night and had been gone all morning, and he had made no mention of leaving beforehand. Granted, he had left her a note, but it was illegible and so there was no telling where he was or what he was getting up to.

She knew she shouldn’t be so anxious. Simon had spent a thousand years alone and he could take care of himself if danger struck. And he wasn’t much of a threat anymore either, having given up most of his bad, kidnapping habits. He would eventually make his way home and be totally fine, she was fully aware of this. But since she had chosen to move in with him and care for him, she couldn’t help but be a nervous wreck.

It wasn’t just that, though she told herself it was. She didn’t like being left alone in his ice palace and didn’t know how else to fill the time while he was away. She could go out for a walk, or she could go to any of the nearby kingdoms to try to make friends, but ever since coming to Ooo she had done nothing but try to cure Simon and she didn’t know what to do with herself now that she wasn’t. The Betty she once was would have killed for the opportunity to explore and observe such a fascinating place, but this version of herself hadn’t exactly endeared herself to the people and she doubted they wanted her around.

And so, she continued circling the palace while the penguins watched her from down below. They seemed to be getting dizzy but it didn’t occur to them to look away.

“Betty! Hey, it’s me!”

Betty froze as Simon flew up to her, grinning broadly.

“Simon, where have you been?” she asked, trying not to sound worried.

“Didn’t you get my note? I had Goonter write it and everything since he’s such a good speller.”

“I did, but… I missed you.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. I missed Goonter too. But look what I got from Beau!” Simon reached into his beard and pulled out a tattered and stained piece of paper. He turned it towards her and she saw that it was some kind of map.

“He traded it to me for my enchanted golf clubs, it leads to the forgotten treasure of Old Jeffery! Are you ready to go find it?”

“Oh, um, sure.”

“Mathematical!” Simon grabbed her by the hand and flew off. Betty had to yank him to the side as he was so busy looking at the map that he nearly ran them into a wall.

Once there were no more obstacles in the way, Betty glanced at the map as well. Whoever had drawn it had tried to make it complicated and hard to read by drawing the route in loops and zig-zags, but in reality it wouldn’t take them very long to get there. Betty was grateful for the distraction but dreaded coming up with the next task after this one.

“Simon, you’re taking us the wrong way,” Betty pointed out. “We’re supposed to go past Slime Kingdom.”

“We will, hold your hamstrings! We’ve got to make a quick detour first.”

In the distance, Betty could just make out Finn and Jake’s tree house. She bit her lip as they drew closer, wondering how they would react to seeing her again.

Finn, Jake, and BMO were painting self-portraits on the grass, but looked up as she and Simon flew down to meet them.

“Hey Simon, hey Betty,” Finn said politely, rising to his feet as they landed.

“Jeffery! Map! You need to go!” Simon shouted, unable to contain his excitement.

At Finn and Jake’s confused looks, Betty clarified, “We have a treasure map, and he’s inviting you to go along with us, but I don’t think it’s such a good idea-”

“Of course it’s not a good idea, it’s a great idea!” Simon exclaimed.

“Are you sure it’s treasure and not some brain rewriting serum we’re looking for?” Jake asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Or a evil typewriter!” BMO added suspiciously.

“I’ve given that up, I swear. This trip is just for… fun. But it should just be Simon and me, I’m sure you guys have better things to do.”

Jake and Finn exchanged glances, and then shrugged. “Not really. Just give us a minute to get ready.”

As they ran inside, Betty sighed and debated abandoning this whole venture. She didn’t feel comfortable around other people, and dreaded what would come of this. But Simon was so excited, she couldn’t bring herself to dampen his good mood.

BMO walked over to Simon and Betty and raised his arms. It took Betty a moment to realize he wanted her to hold him, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Simon picked him up instead, and BMO fixed her with a steely glare and said, “I will be keeping an eye on you, temptress. You will not steal our diamond cuff links on my watch.”

“Got it,” Betty said awkwardly.

Finn and Jake soon returned, each carrying a backpack. “Let’s do this!” Finn declared.

Simon led the way, still engrossed with the map and muttering under his breath. Every so often he would call out a direction. “Left!” “Around the tree! No, not that one!”

It quickly became apparent that Simon wasn’t reading it right and was taking them in circles. Betty started to ask him to give the map to her so she could get them back on the right track, but then thought better of it. The point of this excursion wasn’t the treasure, it was to get out in the fresh air and have a good time. The longer they were away from the Ice Kingdom, the better. She did wonder if Jake and Finn were getting annoyed though, but she heard them talking and they said essentially the same thing.

“He’s getting us lost, man,” Jake whispered loudly. “How ‘bout you take the map and I’ll make myself a replacement so he won’t know we took it.”

“Nah man, he’s having a good time. Let’s let him have this.”

Simon stopped abruptly and everyone stopped with him, looking to him expectantly.

“Is the treasure under the map?” BMO asked from Finn’s shoulder.

“Everything all right, Simon?” Finn asked.

“Where are the monsters?” Simon asked, eyes narrowed as he scanned the horizon.

“What monsters?” Jake asked.

“It’s not an adventure without a monster to beat up, any dillweed knows that. Is this map broken or something?” Simon turned it upside down and shoved his face into it.

“We haven’t gone anywhere, we’ve barely left our front yard,” Jake replied. “Maybe someone else should look at the map.”

“No, I can make it work! Uh, look over there!” Simon pointed and shot out a blast of his magic to create a snow golem. It rose up quickly but immediately started melting in the hot sun.

“Globbit,” Simon muttered as he made more, and watched them all melt.

“We can have fun without a monster, it’s fine,” Finn tried to reassure him.

Simon continued creating the golems, but one of his blasts hit an old well and froze it. It started to shake violently and a being burst through the ice. Simon finally stopped as a oppossum-like creature made of a mosaic of colorful stained glass clawed its way out of the well and glared furiously at them.

“What is wrong with you?” it asked in a quavery voice. It stalked over to Finn, who happened to be standing closest to the well. “Why would you do that to my vacation home?”

“Sorry dude, we’ll be on our way.”

“Not without this, you won’t.” The creature snapped its fingers and Finn’s prosthetic arm disappeared and reappeared in its hands.

“Hey, what gives?” he asked, indignant.

“You ruined my home, it’s only fair I should take something of yours to make up for it.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Jake yelled. “Ice King is the one who ruined your home, not Finn!”

“Don’t put all the blame on him, he didn’t mean any harm!” Betty cried out.

“What kind of ding wad lives in a well, anyway?” Simon asked.

The creature let out a scream of fury. “You want fair? I’ll show you fair!” He snapped his fingers four more times.

Betty blinked, and suddenly she was no longer Betty. She was no one. She had no idea of her identity or how she came to be here or who any of these people were. She was about to panic, but someone else beat her to it.

Jake let out a bloodcurdling scream. “What have you done to me?!” He was clutching at his face, his entire body trembling.

“Jake, what did he do?” Finn asked, rushing to his side.

Jake slowly pulled his hands away, revealing that he no longer had a nose. “I can’t smell, oh glob I can’t smell anything! How am I supposed to know what’s going on without my nose? You could all be complete strangers for all I know!”

“It’s going to be all right,” Finn said soothingly. He looked around and saw that BMO’s legs had been taken, along with Simon’s eyes. Neither one seemed worried. BMO was rocking back and forth and humming while Simon was unaware anything had been done to him.

“The sun’s been going down earlier and earlier lately, hasn’t it? Must be almost wintertime.”

“What did you do to my friends?” Finn demanded of the creature.

“I took what they value most. Or what I’m pretty sure they value most. I’m pretty good at guessing, and I really nailed it with him.” He pointed to Jake, who was now sobbing into his hands.

“Give it all back!”

“Make me!” the creature rapidly leapt away, leaving the group to process what had been done to them.

“Flip me,” Finn muttered. He turned to Betty and asked, “What’d he take from you, Betty?”

She stared at him and asked, “Are you talking to me?”

“Ah dip, he got your memory. Okay, listen up, everyone.”

Betty waited for him to speak, while Jake tried to stop crying. Simon was facing in the opposite direction but seemed to be paying attention.

“It’s not going to be easy getting our stuff back, but we’re going to make this work. We’re going to buddy up; Jake, stick with me and I’ll be your nose. Betty, yes that’s you, you be Simon’s eyes. We can do this… if we can figure out how to find that jerk.”

“He was made of glass, right?” Betty asked. “Look in the grass, he was dripping as he ran away. I think he got so mad that he’s burning up, and leaving molten glass that we can follow.”

“Nice catch, Betty.”

“But can you tell me what’s going on? What are we doing here? Where is here?”

“We’ll explain on the way. All right, let’s go everyone!”

Jake shrunk and sat on Finn’s shoulders, while Betty let BMO ride on hers. She took Simon by the hand, wincing at how cold his touch was.

“Is that a lovely lady holding my hand? You should know, I have a fiancee!” he giggled.

Betty was put off by this and let go. She found a long stick and had him hold one end while she held the other and guided him that way.

“Tell me everything you smell,” said Jake. “Don’t leave a single thing out.”

“Okay, uh, I smell you.”

“And what else?”

“I don’t know, the fresh air smells nice.”

“I always knew you couldn’t smell much, but I never realized how bad the situation was,” said Jake, wiping away more tears. “I’m so sorry.”

Clouds formed over their heads and it soon started to rain. It was a light shower, but Finn produced two umbrellas and handed one to Betty. She opened it and was going to squeeze under it with Simon, but he sent a zap of magic up and formed his own cloud over his head. The rain that hit it turned into snow and he sighed in contentment. Betty was taken aback by this display.

“How did you do that?” she asked.

“Do what? Style my beard? Oh honey, it would take all day to explain all that.”

“No, I mean, what you did with the snow.”

“Oh, well, I’m the Ice King. Ice is my thing. Pretty cool, huh?”

“I don’t have any power like that, do I?”

“I don’t know, did you ever try?”

“I don’t think I do. But I don’t seem to know anything. Who are all of you?”

“We are assassins on the last day of retirement!” said BMO, pretending to wave a sword.

“Well, those are my pals Finn and Jake,” said Simon, pointing in the wrong direction. “And you’ve got a BMO, on your back I think. Do you think the grass and trees have names too? And the sky and the-”

“What’s your name?”

“I told you, it’s Ice King.”

“That’s not a name.”

“It’s what’s on my birth certificate. Though you usually call me Simon for some reason. How do you get Simon from Ice King, anyway?”

“Simon is a nice name.”

“Eh, yours is nicer. Why don’t we switch? You be Simon, I’ll be Betty.”

Betty gave a small laugh. This strange man had disturbed her at first, but he wasn’t so bad.

They continued following the cooling drops of molten glass throughout the afternoon, into evening. The creature was faster than he looked, as there was no sign that they were closing in.

As the sun went down, Finn dropped his backpack and said, “We should stop for now, rest for the night.”

“It’s been nighttime for hours, your dark vision is too powerful for your own good,” said Simon.

“The trail will get cold,” Jake argued.

“It’s already getting cold, the drops have been getting smaller and smaller. I can’t even see any more up ahead.”

“I could sniff him out if he hadn’t mutilated me like this,” Jake grumbled.

“Ah! My legs are gone!” BMO suddenly cried out from Betty’s shoulder. “Now how will I dance the ballet?”

Betty guided Simon to sit on the grass and then went to gather firewood. She collected a large pile and then set to rubbing two sticks together to start the fire.

“At least I remember how to do this,” she muttered to herself.

As the fire came to life and warmed them, Jake reached into his pack and passed bags of snacks out to everyone. He popped a chip into his mouth with a sad sigh. “I can’t taste either, what kind of a life is this?”

The group ate quietly, but no one was filled by the chips and pretzels. Betty closed her eyes as her stomach growled, and began to imagine a glorious feast. She could not remember the names of any of the foods she saw before her, but the aroma of each felt vaguely familiar and comforting.

“Mmm, pass the parmesan, will you?”

Betty was snapped out of her vision and Jake lamented, “No, don’t stop now! That was amazing!”

“What was I doing?” she asked, alarmed.

“You were using your magic to make us feel better,” said Finn. “I mean, weren’t you?”

“I didn’t realize I could do magic,” she whispered.

“Thanks to you, I’ve tasted my favorite foods at least one more time. Guess I can make peace with life without a nose,” Jake sighed.

“Glad I was able to help. But can you tell me about myself? How did I get magical abilities?”

“You got them from Magic Man,” said Jake. “He turned Finn into a foot once.”

“I can tell you who you are,” BMO added. “You are a time traveler who has a crush on the Ice King.”

Betty stared at them for a long time. Finn broke the silence and tried to help. “We haven’t known you very long, so there’s not much we can tell you. But we do know that you’re very smart and dedicated to the people you care about.”

“Oh.” Betty was taken aback by the compliment.

“You’re also the cowboy president of outer space!” Simon exclaimed. “You’ve got laser eyes and you grow armadillos in your spare time. My castle went missing once and you found it!”

“Um, I don’t think those things are true.”

“You can’t remember so you can’t prove me wrong,” Simon triumphantly declared.

Betty shook her head but couldn’t help smiling a little at how he seemed to perceive her. She wondered why that was.

Jake yawned and said, “I hope my nose sleeps well tonight, wherever it is.” He then stretched his arm wide and used it to cover himself as a blanket. BMO crawled in with him and made snoring noises.

“’Night guys.” Using his backpack as a pillow, Finn lay down as well and was soon asleep.

Betty put out the fire and then helped Simon to the ground. “This bed is terrible. Next time, I’m picking the hotel.”

Betty lay down near him and tried to get comfortable in the cold, hard-packed dirt. She started shivering but fought it off with thoughts of warmth and comfort, and with a great effort was able to soothe herself. Unbeknownst to her, her magic spread and she provided the same relief to the others and allowed them to sleep in bliss.

“Hey Betty, hey, what’s the deal with the sun?”

Betty groaned and rolled over as Simon shook her shoulder.

“Betty, you are Betty, right? Or am I talking to Jake? You’re too squishy to be BMO.”

“Yes, I’m Betty,” she drowsily mumbled.

“Does the sun ever just not show up for work? It’s still pretty dark out here, I was wondering if you know who we can complain to about it.”

“That creature stole your eyes. You’re blind, Simon. I’m sorry.”

“Blind?” Simon reached up and touched his empty eye sockets. “How long until they grow back?”

“Eyes don’t grow back, but don’t worry, we’re going to get them back for you.”

“Eh, don’t bother. I’ve got nerd glasses back at the palace, chicks dig it when you look smart.”

Betty sat up and saw that Finn and Jake were still asleep. BMO was up but didn’t seem to take notice of them as she was drawing in the dirt and making up stories. Some distance away, Betty could hear a stream.

“Come with me,” said Betty, taking Simon by the hand. “Let’s go get freshened up.”

She lead him to the water and helped him undress before doing the same. She felt a little embarrassed being in her underwear around him, but he couldn’t see her and she was dying for a bath. She draped their clothes over the stone bridge that ran over the creek. She then lead him into the water where it was shallow and calm and then dipped down in the water herself, shivering at the cold but relishing in the feeling of being clean.

“Oh look, it’s raining!” Simon shouted. He tried to splash her but missed by a mile.

“Yeah, it’s a monsoon!” Betty splashed him back, soaking him. She laughed at his betrayed expression and gasped as he managed to splash her this time. The two of them kept splashing each other until Betty accidentally used her magic and caused a wave to rise up and knock him over.

“Simon, are you okay?” Betty asked, rushing over to help him back up.

Simon coughed and seemed dazed, but otherwise was unharmed. “No fair, you’re cheating!” he sputtered, pouting.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean too. Magic is new to me, I keep using it unintentionally.”

“I can show you how to use it. You put out your hand and zappy-zap!” Simon froze the water they were sitting in.

“Could you unfreeze the water please?”

“Oh, yeah.” Simon unfroze it and Betty pulled him and herself out of the water. They lay down together in the grass and the morning sun shone down on them, warming them up.

“How did you get your magic?” Betty asked, putting her hands behind her head. She took a deep breath and tried to relax.

“My crown gives me magic. Weird you can use it without one.”

“Are there any downsides to your crown’s magic? Besides frostbite.”

“It makes me too handsome, I have to fight the ladies off with a stick. Your magic though, it makes you kinda crazy.”

“It does?” Betty asked, feeling a sudden surge of panic.

“Magic’ll do that to you. But don’t worry, I like you anyway.”

“How exactly do I go crazy?”

“Oh you know, makes you see things, say strange stuff, kidnap princesses. You’ve got some real issues going on.”

Betty sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. “Why didn’t anyone warn me about this last night?”

“Probably didn’t want to worry you.” Simon sat up and, after a few tries, put his arm around her. “But I’m here for you, really. You’ve come to mean a lot to me and I’ll help you out no matter what.”

“Thanks, that means a lot,” Betty whispered.

Just then, Jake and Finn ran to the stream and jumped in the water, splashing Betty and Simon.

“Oh, sorry!” said Jake, noticing them a moment too late. “Guess we had the same idea.”

Finn said nothing but blushed at the sight of them.

“Do we have any new ideas on finding the jerk?” asked Betty. She handed Simon his robe and hurriedly dressed, her cheeks burning.

“Not really, but we’re not giving up until we find him,” said Finn.

“What if we never find him?” Jake asked, sounding worried.

Finn shrugged. “I only need the one arm.”

“Yeah, because you’ve still got a nose!”

“At least he didn’t take our magic, I mean can you imagine if I couldn’t do this?” Simon sent out a blast of ice that struck the bridge and froze it. An enraged scream came from it and the creature flew out from under it.

“You did it again! What is wrong with you? Why won’t you leave me alone?”

“You hid here of all places?” Betty asked as she wrung the water from her hair. “Did you not hear us?”

“Of course I did, but how was I supposed to escape with you freaks out here skinny-dipping?”

“Give us our body parts back!” Jake demanded.

“No way, I’m out!”

But before the creature could run off again, Betty felt anger rise up inside her. Whatever life she had led before, whatever her memories held, they were hers and she wanted them back. Her magic rose up inside her and she put out her hand and unleashed it, not thinking clearly about what exactly she was doing. The creature turned inside out, exposing its bones, muscles, and organs. It tried to scream but couldn’t quite manage it.

Betty at first felt unhinged glee at what she had accomplished, but it quickly turned to disgust and remorse. Her feelings were mirrored by the others.

“Oh glob, change him back!” Finn cried as Jake threw up.

Betty wasn’t sure how to undo this, and it took a couple tries to get it right. When she did, the creature cowered on the ground in the fetal position.

“Give us our stuff back,” she said quietly.

“I… I can’t let you off that easy. P-People would th-think I’d gone soft,” the creature whimpered. “Tell you what: guess my name and we’ll call it e-even.”

“Uh, is your name Mitch Stevenson?” BMO asked from Finn’s shoulder.

“G-Guess again,” said the creature, still trembling on the ground.

“Ricardo Montague? Elizabeth Bryan-Ramirez?” BMO guessed. “Avocado Presley?”

“Oh I know, it’s your treasure we’re after, isn’t it?” Simon asked. “You’re Jeffrey!”

The creature froze, then started to cry. “How did you know my name is Jeffrey? Well, fine! Take your stuff back! I don’t care anymore! Just leave me alone!”

Jeffrey snapped his fingers five times, returning their stolen parts to them. He then took off running, wiping away tears as he did so. Betty dropped to her knees as her memories returned to her all at once, overwhelming her.

“Geez, how many Jeffries are there out here?” Simon asked. He blinked several times and rubbed at his eyes as his vision returned. “Ah, nice to have the old hearing back.”

“I’ll never take you for granted again,” said Jake, lovingly caressing his nose.

Finn stretched his returned prosthetic arm, while BMO casually swung her legs back and forth as if nothing had happened to them.

“Let’s go find that weirdo’s treasure!” Simon exclaimed.

Finn and Jake turned their eyes to Betty, who was still reeling over what happened. “Simon, why don’t you take BMO and start searching?” Finn suggested as he handed BMO over to him. “We’ll catch up soon.”

“Sure, but if we find it we’re not sharing!” Simon put BMO in his beard and the two took off, laughing giddily.

“You all right, Betty?” Finn asked as he and Jake knelt down by her.

“I thought I wanted this all back, but it hurts so much,” she said softly. “I think I made a mistake. Maybe I would be happier if I could forget everything and just start fresh with Simon. Accepting him in this state wouldn’t be a problem at all if I could forget who he’s supposed to be.”

“It’d be easier, sure, but think of what you would lose,” said Jake. “You’ve got so many happy memories together, you’d have to throw them in the garbage.”

“But they’re no good to me now, they’re just making everything worse. What’s the point of remembering if each memory only serves to cut me deeper?”

“We won’t stop you if it’s what you really want, but I don’t think you actually want it,” Jake went on. “You’d lose who you are too.”

“Who I am is insane! You saw what I did to poor Jeffrey, I didn’t mean to hurt him like that.”

“You did that while your memories were gone, while you didn’t have control of your powers,” Finn pointed out.

“You’re right, I’m insane either way. Guess that makes me Ice King’s soulmate.”

“Neither of you are in the best shape, it’s true,” Finn admitted. “But Simon has improved with help from people around him, he’s really come a long way. He’ll probably never be the man he once was, but we all change, none of us are who we used to be. You’re really struggling, but we’re willing to help you too. We’ve gone adventuring together, we’re friends now.”

“I appreciate what you’re saying, and I want to believe it’s true, but I’m not sure I can. I’ll keep my memories intact, at least. I don’t want to hurt anymore… but you’re right, the time Simon and I spent in the past was precious and I couldn’t willingly betray him like that.”

Betty stayed where she was but recalled some of her favorite memories of Simon. Their first meeting, their first date, the time he went around with cheese stuck to his pants all day without knowing… how could she give these up?

As heartbreaking as they were now, she treasured them all the more.

Chapter Text

Betty cast a spell on the daffodil she had placed near her bed. Once she was done she said, “Try it now, Simon.”

He missed at first, only hitting the pot the flower was growing in, but then he tried again and hit the plant with a blast of ice. The ice tried to freeze the daffodil for a second but then dissipated.

“It worked!” Simon exclaimed.

Betty gave a small, satisfied smile. “Now that I’ve perfected the spell, we can enchant the rest of the plants and they’ll thrive here.”

“It’s like we’re living in a jungle! We should get some elephants and kangaroos in here to make it feel complete.”

“Maybe another time,” said Betty, heading for the next plant. Their work had only just begun, but she already felt so much more at home now that the ice palace would be decorated with flowers and shrubs. They could even grow their own food. The place would feel so much more alive.

Betty was about to place one of the ferns but stopped when she saw movement from the corner of her eye. She put the pot down and braced herself for an attack, wondering who was coming for them. Simon had plenty of enemies so it was impossible to narrow it down, though he was chatting with the plants and so he didn’t notice the danger.

Someone was coming up from behind her but as they drew close, Betty reached back and grabbed them by the arm. She flipped them over onto the floor and then knelt over them, ready to knock the daylights out of them. But she stopped herself just in time when she saw that it was none other than Abracadaniel.

He was clearly in pain, but still grinning through it. In one hand he held a blindfold, in the other he held a kazoo. He tried to blow on it but nearly passed out from the effort.

Betty looked up and saw Life-Giving Magus sneak up behind Simon and tie a blindfold on him.

“Whoa, Betty, is this some kind of sexy surprise?”

“Even better!” Life-Giving Magus exclaimed. “It’s your bachelor party!”

Simon gasped in delight. “You’re doing this for us?”

“Yup, and we’re here to kidnap you for it just like you asked us to in the invitations you sent out,” Abracadaniel wheezed as Betty helped him up.

“You guys did a radtastic job, it all went off without a hitch!” Simon declared, as Abracadaniel coughed and nearly lost his balance. Betty had to lend her arm to keep him on his feet.

“Why are you throwing Simon a bachelor party?” Betty asked, confused.

“Because that’s what you do when someone is about to get married, ya dingus!” Life-Giving Magus said with a laugh.

“Did you forget that we’re fiancees?” Simon asked, sounding a little hurt.

“Oh, oh I did forget,” Betty whispered. She knew he had gotten the wrong idea from her last attempt to cure him, but had assumed he had moved on by now and let that go. Clearly he had not. She was in no way ready to marry him in this state and wasn’t sure she ever would be, but as his expression fell she knew she had to remedy this. “But of course we’re getting married! Eventually. And a bachelor party is a great idea.”

“You just forgot because we haven’t set a date yet, I totally get it,” said Simon, perking back up. “I was thinking we’d get married on Princess Bubblegum’s birthday so she’ll never forget our anniversary.”

“We will definitely talk about it later. For now, weren’t we in the process of getting kidnapped?”

“Follow us,” Life-Giving Magus giggled. He began leading Simon out and Betty followed, supporting Abracadaniel all the way.

“Sorry about that by the way,” she said on the way down. “You startled me and I overreacted.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he replied, his voice strained but cheerful. “I’m sure this is how all real kidnappings go.”

At the edge of the Ice Kingdom there was a van waiting. It had once been beige but was now covered in spray-paint. It looked like someone had tried to draw various creatures on it but it was impossible to tell what they were supposed to be as they were all painted on top of each other. The words Party Bus! were all she could make out.

“In here!” said Life-Giving Magus as he opened the side door. Cardboard boxes fell out and out spilled party hats, noisemakers, spray paint, air horns, toilet paper, streamers, balloons, and t-shirts that read, Bride’s Babes.

Life-Giving Magus cleaned up the party supplies and then guided Simon into the van. Betty helped Abracadaniel shakily climb in and then she took a step back and said, “Have fun boys, don’t stay out too late.”

“What are you talking about? You’re coming with us!” said Abracadaniel as he threw her a t-shirt.

“It wouldn’t be a party without you!” Life-Giving Magus added.

“But bachelor parties are usually just for guys, women aren’t allowed,” she pointed out.

“If women aren’t allowed then how are we supposed to have fun with the hot chicks?” said Simon. “Speaking of which, where are the hot chicks you were supposed to bring?”

“Planning the kidnapping took too long, we ran out of time,” Abracadaniel said sheepishly.

Simon just sighed and turned away.

“I appreciate the invitation, but I’m going to let you guys go wild while I stay in and have a girl’s night. All right?”

“Okay, but you’re coming with us on the next bachelor party!” said Abracadaniel.

“Deal.”

The van sped off with the guys cheering loudly from inside. Betty watched it go before turning to go back inside. However, she changed her mind and decided to go on a walk before going back to the ice palace.

The sky was overcast and misting. Fall was right around the corner but the air was still warm and humid. Crickets chirped around her while frogs croaked out of sight. Most nights there were plenty of monsters running around, but all was still on this night. Even so, Betty was not at peace.

How many times had she envisioned their wedding day? How many different ways had she imagined it might look and play out? She’d considered big ceremonies and romantic elopements, but either way would have been fine with her. Granted, she had never been in any rush; for all intents and purposes she and Simon might as well have already been married long before he first put on the crown. They had been living together and spending every possible moment in each other’s company. There were times when she forgot they weren’t already husband and wife because that was already how they lived and spent their time together. They fit each other like a glove, naturally and without having to think about it. A wedding really wasn’t necessary, but they had both still wanted one just for another excuse to hold each other close and find another way to say I love you.

To marry Simon now, she would have to accept him as he was wholeheartedly. And she was trying to, she was making every effort to look past the surface and love him blindly. But deep down she still wanted her Simon back. Deep down she couldn’t stand the thought of being married to the Ice King. She was taking this one day at a time, refusing to look to the future because the thought of years, decades with the Ice King was enough to make her feel sick. Deep down she still believed there was something she could do to fix him, and although she refused to acknowledge it, that belief was sustaining her through all this.

She imagined herself growing old with the Ice King. Would she grow old? She didn’t know how Magic Man’s power would affect her physically, if it would speed up or slow down the aging process. There would come a day when the Ice King would have to tell her goodbye, and she wondered how it would affect him. He was already planning to spend his evening in the company of other women for his bachelor party, and Betty found herself actually feeling jealous over this. Once she was dead and buried he would go right back to stealing princesses and their time together would mean absolutely nothing to him, if he remembered it at all.

This image of the Ice King in her mind slowly transformed into Simon, but not the Simon she knew. This one looked and spoke like the man she fell in love with, without a trace of madness. But there was fear in his eyes. Fear and… shame, as he stared at her. At what she had become in order to save him. At the madness she now endured. Even if she could get him back, would he have anything to do with her now?

Betty realized she was holding her breath and her heart was beating fast. She hadn’t noticed that she was sending herself into a panic attack, but now that she did she knelt down and worked to steady her breathing before the attack fully seized her. She shifted her focus to the scent of the night air, of the smell of the grass and of the faint smell of smoke from a distant campfire. She reached down and dug her fingers into the damp soil beneath her feet, and felt a worm crawl over her hand. In the faint light she saw that she was kneeling near a berry bush, and with her other hand she plucked some berries and popped them into her mouth. As their bittersweet juice spread over her tongue she felt herself slowly calm down. Her thoughts were still rampaging, but with a concerted effort she regained control over them.

Take this one day at a time, that was the correct strategy and you shouldn’t stop now, she thought to herself. You don’t ever have to marry Simon if it doesn’t feel right, he’ll be disappointed but he’ll move on in time. For now he’s your friend, your best friend, and that’s more than enough. Don’t lose sight of that. Whatever the future holds, you’re going to make it through and worrying about it now won’t solve a thing. What will be, will be.

She turned her head up towards the sky, listening to the crickets chirping and the owls hooting nearby. With the crisp night air on her face, in that moment, she felt something like serenity.

Betty stood up again and continued walking. She quietly hummed to herself so she wouldn’t feel so alone. Inevitably though, her thoughts went back to Simon, the Simon she had once known. Random memories came back, memories that brought a small, shaky smile to her lips. The time he was running late and put on mismatching shoes by mistake. When he thought he’d forgotten their anniversary and desperately tried to make up for it, only for her to point out that he was actually a month early and hadn’t missed it at all. When he’d noticed her having a nightmare, and had spent the rest of the night sitting up with her. He had tried over and over to make them hot chocolate to make her feel better, and got increasingly more frustrated each time it cooled before he could get it to her.

Betty laughed a little at that particular memory, but froze when she realized it was of Simon now, not then. For that brief instant the two had become one in her mind, and it had brought her no pain. No pain at all. It was an odd feeling, not feeling that familiar heartache. But not an unwelcome one.

More recent memories came to her of Simon now. The time he found her shivering and brought her every blanket he owned plus ones he had taken from anyone who happened to be camping out nearby. When her allergies had been acting up and he assumed she was sick and tried to be her nurse. When he had attempted to throw a prom night for the two of them in Lumpy Space and in spite of her low expectations, she’d had a really fun time.

Betty wandered the rest of the night, reminiscing and spending time with her thoughts. She hadn’t consciously chosen to turn and head back for the Ice Kingdom, but at some point she must have because she reached it as the first rays of dawn peaked over the horizon. Exhausted but content, Betty flew up to her room and passed out on her bed. It wasn’t long, however, before a car horn from down below woke her up.

As she stretched and yawned, Simon stumbled inside. His robe was tied around his head, his face was covered in makeup, his nails were done bright red, his beard was braided, and he was sporting tattoos in various places. He was swaying and looked at her blearily, and then he threw himself at her feet, exhausted.

“Oh Betty, thank glob!”

“Did you boys have fun?” Betty tentatively asked. She honestly did hope he’d enjoyed himself, but she was also bracing herself to hear about all the other women he’d been with.

“Oh, we were having a great time until Ron James showed up. Can you believe he actually brought hot babes to hang out with us? And they weren’t just sexy, they were princesses! It was fun, or it should have been. I tried to show them a good time but I just couldn’t stop thinking about you! I couldn’t even enjoy seven minutes in heaven! I had to run away and leave that poor babe in the closet alone by herself, and the guys wouldn’t let me hear the end of it. I was just too sad that you weren’t there with me. Am I dying? Do you think I should see Doctor Princess?”

A wry smile tugged at the corner of Betty’s lip. “Do you mean to say that you missed me?”

“That must have been it. Weird, huh? Course it worked out, ‘cause the princesses were only there to rob us and I got less robbed than everybody else. All they got from me was my harmonica. But it got me to thinking that I’ve only been doing what I want, not what you want. So, how about a bachelorette party, huh? I’ll call the boys and see how soon they can kidnap us.”

Betty wrapped her arms around Simon in a tight hug and said, “Why don’t we just go for a walk.”

Chapter Text

Betty was halfway through organizing Simon’s magazine collection when she realized it was the fourth time she had reorganized it that day. There really hadn’t been anything wrong with it in the first place, she just kept finding herself here over and over again.

She tried to think of some other chore that needed doing but there really weren’t any. She and Simon had cleaned everything months ago and he had gotten good at maintaining it. She was proud of him, but at the moment she was irritated by this good habit because she really needed something to keep her busy.

Simon was out for the day. He had offered to bring her with him and make a date out of it, but she had turned him down, for reasons she was having trouble articulating even to herself. She had no love for the ice palace, but it shielded her and she found that comforting. Comforting, but more often than not lately, stifling.

Betty paced around the palace, muttering to herself as she tried to find something, anything, to do. Time seemed to slow and she felt more and more frustrated at this place, her situation, and herself. Without realizing she was doing it, she reached a point where she was grasping the sides of her head and turning around in circles, spiraling physically and mentally.

She gasped and came to a sudden, dizzy stop as someone called out to her, “Betty, you all right?”

When her vision came back into focus, she saw that she had accidentally unleashed a variety of spells on the palace. Eyeballs were now growing out of one of the walls, their belongings were bouncing around the place as if made of rubber, and the furniture had started to melt. She also saw Marceline floating before her, looking concerned. Betty’s cheeks reddened and she awkwardly cleared her throat. “I was just, uh, doing a spell to prevent the tornado that was going to hit tonight. It’s gone now, you’re welcome.”

“Um, okay. Well, I came over to get my markers back that Simon borrowed. You know, the ones enchanted to smell like whatever you draw with them.”

“Oh yeah, please take those back. He’s has had more than enough fun with those.” Betty found and caught the bouncing markers from Simon’s bedside table and handed them over. “Well, it was nice having you over but I know how busy you must be. Take it easy, partner.”

Her face grew hotter as Marceline studied her, instead of leaving. “Where is Simon?”

“He and his friends were invited to a party celebrating the birth of some prince, they plan to enchant the baby or something.”

“And you didn’t go with him? You kept yourself here?”

Betty’s embarrassment was overshadowed by anger. “I’m not his babysitter, he can do whatever he wants.”

“That wasn’t what I was getting at.” She sighed heavily. “I was hoping to avoid this, but we should talk.”

“That won’t be necessary. Look, why don’t I find or conjure you something red to eat on the road, okay?”

Marceline lunged and grabbed Betty around the waist and flew her out the window. Betty cried out and started to cast some sort of spell to stop her, but she couldn’t think of any that would both release her and leave Marceline unharmed, and Simon wouldn’t appreciate it if she hurt his oldest friend. 

The day was gloomy and overcast, protecting Marceline from the sun as she brought Betty to a small hill just out of sight of the Ice Kingdom. It was overlooking a cave, where a family of bears seemed to be having a yard sale.

“Why did you bring me here?” Betty demanded. “You had no right to do that.”

Marceline sighed and sat cross-legged in the grass. Betty folded her arms over her chest and refused to join her.

“I’ve been avoiding this for a while now, you know,” Marceline began. “But you looked so pathetic back there, you broke me down. So, on the surface, Simon is very happy with your current arrangement, he tells me all the time. But I feel like he subconsciously knows something isn’t right, because he’s also mentioned a few times how you almost never go out. And I know it’s not because you’re in love with his palace.”

“Maybe I am, what do you know about me?”

Marceline’s eyes went red and she hissed, “Would you just shut up and listen? I’m trying to help you but you’re too busy being a stubborn bitch to let anyone in!”

Betty was taken aback, and fell silent.

Marceline heaved another sigh and calmed down, rubbing her temples. “There are two reasons I didn’t want to do this. Number one being because I’ve been around a thousand years and I know why you’re acting like this. I might as well be talking to a mirror.”

The bears down below had several eager animal customers, but they seemed to change their mind and they started chasing them all off to keep their belongings. Betty focused on them as she could no longer bring herself to look Marceline in the eye.

“I spent centuries exploring new places, meeting new people, trying to leave my mark on this world,” Marceline continued. “I’ve taken turns saving lives and becoming the monster people fear in their nightmares, and had a lot of fun doing both. But no matter what you do, the world has a way of forgetting all of it, forgetting you. If you live long enough, you’ll wake up one day and find that all your old friends and even the people you hated have gone and left you. None of the new people know you, or if you do they only vaguely remember some warped idea of you. And even that won’t last.

“The world reshapes itself every so often and there were times when I refused to adapt, refused to move on. I cut myself off, removed myself from everything and everyone, and hid myself away where the world couldn’t find me. In caves, in abandoned homes, in other dimensions, one time I even hid in some giant’s ear for almost a full year, made him think he had tinnitus. I tried to tell myself I was happy that way, that I would never allow anyone or anything to ever hurt me again. But going that far to avoid heartbreak is yet another form of heartbreak. It’s inescapable.”

“I hear what you’re saying,” Betty conceded softly. “But I just can’t bring myself to try to build a life here. I can’t…”

“It feels like giving up?” 

“I… yeah, I think that’s it. I accept Simon for who he is now, but to join his world completely… it feels like the final nail in the coffin in terms of getting the old Simon back. I feel terrible saying that, but it’s true. But it’s not just that, it’s everything else you said, but worse. You had to adapt, but you got to adapt slowly over time. I was plunged into a world completely different from my own and with no one who remembers me from that time. I made the choice and I wouldn’t change it, but I still have to live with it and how can I live with it when magic shapes everything and animals and inanimate objects can speak and all sorts of mythical creatures are real?! Even without Magic Man’s powers, how could I not lose my mind being surrounded by all this?”

“Simple, you just go with it. I mean, you already took steps to go with it by taking on these powers and moving in with Simon and trying to be a part of his life. Those were big steps, but then you just stopped and you can’t just stop. Not without losing it.”

“How can I embrace this lunacy and hope to stay sane?”

“That’s the secret, I think. Go a little crazy so you don’t go completely insane. Accept magic and the rest of us lunatics into your life even though it’s bizonkers and that’ll keep you from totally going off the deep end. And… make some friends. That’s the real secret, honestly. I wasted so many years shunning Bonnie because I was angry, and even though we’ve got all the time in the world ahead of us, I still miss that time I let slip by. It’s only going to get harder to make connections the longer you wait.”

“Where would I even start?”

“Well, you should come hang out with PB and I sometime. You’re… family.”

“Are we really a family? You know nothing of our time together before, and I can’t imagine what the two of you went through when you were young.”

“That’s actually the other reason I didn’t want to do this. Simon used to tell me all about you back then, and I’ll admit I was sort of… jealous? Not like I wanted what you had, don’t get me wrong. More like… if he had the chance to go back to his old life, I worried he would ditch me to go back to you like our time together meant nothing.”

“Oh, Marceline.” Betty finally allowed herself to relax and sit by her. She hesitated for a moment, then took her hand. “He never would have abandoned you, that’s not the man he was then or is now. But I suppose I must admit I felt the same way about you, even if I’m only now realizing it. Funny how you can feel these things so strongly without really being aware of them, and then once you are aware of them you’ve got to try giving them a name and figuring out how to deal with them.”

“Yeah, and good luck with that.”

Marceline and Betty sat in silence for a while, as the bears down below cradled their belongings and brought them back into their cave. The sun started to peak out from behind the clouds, but before it could do Marceline any harm, Betty conjured a large red umbrella to shield her.

“Thanks,” said Marceline, sagging in relief. She was quiet a moment longer, but then she sat up straight. “I just thought of something. Turtle Princess is looking for help in running the library, and you’re in love with books, right?”

“I wouldn’t say th- oh, who am I kidding. Yes.”

“Why don’t you go by there and ask for the job? You could even give lectures on how boring life in your time was. Educate everyone on how dogs weren’t real and vampires couldn’t talk.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Just go and try and worry if you’re ready after you’ve got the job like everybody else.”

“Will you go with me? Introduce me?”

“Oh, you know I would, but the sun’s out and I need to stay in the shade.” Marceline laid back and rested her arms behind her head. She yawned and stretched as much as she could while staying under the umbrella, and gave her a small smirk.

Betty made an annoyed face at her, but did so as she felt her resolve return to her. She was losing it in the ice palace, spending every day and night there with no one to talk to but Simon and the penguins. And it was all by her choice, she could blame no one but herself for it. She was still nervous, and she still didn’t like the idea of getting to know the strange creatures that inhabited this world. But if she could accept Simon, surely she could accept them. 

Betty rose to leave, but before taking off, she said, “Thanks, Marceline. You don’t know how much I needed this.”

“No, I do know.”

Betty took a deep breath and then flew from the hill. She could see the Ice Kingdom in the distance and for a second she almost flew back to it. Instead she flew in the opposite direction, until she found Turtle Princess’ library.

She flew down and knocked on the door, not knowing what time it was or if the library was even open today. She didn’t get an answer, but she could hear someone moving around inside. She thought about leaving and coming back at a later time, but she couldn’t guarantee that her resolve would last that long and so she pushed the door open and went inside.

Turtle Princess was pushing a cart of books and putting them on the shelves. “You know we’re closed, right?”

Betty felt her cheeks grow hot again and she internally berated herself, but she pressed forward. She cleared her throat and said in a voice she hoped sounded confident, “I heard you’re hiring?”

“Yeah, but I’m only interested when we’re open. Could you try again tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible, it has to be today. You need me to work here, because of my time at uni, because of my magic, and because… I can educate your patrons on what life was like in the past.”

“You’re a history nerd?”

“No, well I mean, yeah. But I was also there, I’m from the past.”

“Prove it.”

“Um, I can tell you all about the Great Mushroom War and the wars before it. I can tell you about ancient artifacts, structures, fossils, and so much more. I can give you firsthand knowledge of what it was like to live a thousand years ago.”

“So can these books, sister,” said Turtle Princess, holding one up. Seeing Betty’s crestfallen expression, she reconsidered. “Okay, if you really want a job here, you can be our new janitor. From there… we’ll see what happens.”

Betty wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of this new job, this had not gone at all as she had hoped. Regardless, she said, “I’ll start tomorrow. It’ll be nice to be around books again.”

“It always is, girlfriend,” said Turtle Princess, nodding in agreement. 

Chapter Text

“You killed him! How could you do that?” Simon cried.

“He’s not hurt, he was never alive in the first place,” Betty reminded him. 

“You stabbed him and now you’re pulling his guts out! You’re sick, lady!”

Simon started to fly off, but Betty grabbed his hand and pulled him back. He made a face as she continued pulling out the innards. “Watch, I’m going to give him a face.”

Betty carved two eyes and a long nose into the pumpkin sitting in her lap. When she was done, she held it up with a smile. “Does he look like anyone you know?”

Simon squinted as he studied the pumpkin. “Donny?”

“No silly, it’s Gunter! See his beak?”

Simon pulled away again. “Is this some kind of voodoo doll? Or is this your way of telling me you want to bake my penguins into a pie?”

“Neither, it’s just for fun. It’s called a jack-o-lantern, and it doesn’t hurt the pumpkin or the person you modeled it after, if you based it on someone. The next one can just be a funny or scary face, whichever you prefer. But we’re not done with this one yet, look.”

Betty cast a spell on the pumpkin and a small light began to glow inside it, lighting up the face. Simon’s eyes lit up with it, and he grew excited. “Wow, where’d you learn to do this?”

“You and I used to do it every year in the Fall. When the leaves change color and the air turns chilly, it’s my favorite time of year.”

“Lady, the air’s always chilly here,” said Simon, gesturing to the rest of the palace. “But can we make another one?”

“Sure, go choose another pumpkin from the pile.”

She and Simon had spent the day picking the best pumpkins from a nearby patch. Betty had intended to only get one, but Simon hadn’t been able to choose a favorite and had taken as many as his arms could carry. 

When he returned with a round, lumpy pumpkin, Betty handed him the knife. He put it in position at the top, but stopped before making the first cut. “Wait a minute!” he exclaimed. “I forgot to tell you, Marceline and Princess Bubblegum invited us over tonight. Or they wanted us to come last week? I’m not sure, but we’ve got to go! We can bring them some pumpkins so they can carve with us!”

Betty was reluctant, still anxious about being around other people. But she and Marceline were friends now, she reminded herself. She might still be awkward around her and her girlfriend, but they were family, and they would forgive her for it. Probably.

“All right, let’s go.”

Betty put on a teal sweater and wrapped a violet scarf around her neck. Simon found a checkered tie and wore it proudly over his robe as the two set off for Marceline’s house.

The sun was setting over the horizon, bathing the sky in shades of orange and pink. Betty and Simon flew up amongst the clouds, each holding a pumpkin in one arm and holding hands with the other. Betty gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Simon smiled and squeezed it back, sending a chill through her.

Down below, LSP seemed to be trying to ride a horse, but the horse was having none of it. Farther off, Jake was hanging out with his kids. Others milling around on the ground seemed to be winding down and preparing for the end of the day. It was all so peaceful and serene.

It didn’t take long before they reached Marceline’s home, with Simon leading the way. As they flew down to the door, Betty very much hoped he had gotten the date right and they weren’t barging in.

Simon knocked on the door and called out, “We’re here, ladies! Don’t keep us waiting!”

The door opened a moment later, revealing Marceline and PB in their pajamas. “Simon?” said Marceline, looking a little confused. “I thought you were coming over next week.”

“Oh, really? Who can make sense of days or weeks, or time in general. Are we interrupting anything?”

Marceline and PB exchanged a glance, then shrugged. “Nope, come on in.”

An old record player was standing in the corner, playing an old jazz record. Betty thought it didn’t seem like Marceline’s type of music, but then records from the old days were hard to find and you had to take what you could get. And maybe Marceline liked it anyway; people are full of surprises.

Betty felt uncomfortable as they walked in, but Simon threw himself on the couch like he owned the place. “So, what are we doing tonight, ladies? Charades? Karaoke?”

“Do you still want to carve the pumpkins?” Betty asked, holding it up.

“Oh yeah, I forgot! Wanna kill pumpkins with us?”

PB took the pumpkin from Betty and examined it. “I’ve heard of ancient rituals that used these to ward off evil. Is there a monster coming that we need to prepare for?”

Betty gave a small laugh and felt some of the tension leave her. “No, this is something we did in my time for fun.”

“We should carve one and make the other into a pie,” said Simon, tossing his pumpkin in the air and barely catching it.

“I’m not sure of the recipe, or if we have the right ingredients,” Betty pointed out.

“Eh, we’ll make do with what’s lying around,” said Marceline, leading Simon to the kitchen. 

PB handed her pumpkin back to Betty and found a knife for them to use. “So, how do we do this?” PB asked. “Is there a specific type of face we’re supposed to aim for?”

“We can do whatever you want. It actually doesn’t even have to be a face, people from my time sometimes carved pictures into their pumpkins. That’s way beyond my skill level though, I’m lucky if I can the eyes the same size.”

“If you weren’t doing it to prevent dark spirits, what did you do it for?”

“It was for a holiday called Halloween, where we celebrated everything dark and spooky. Everyone dressed up as ghosts and monsters and went door to door to collect candy, just for fun. People decorated their homes with carved pumpkins, and I wanted to recreate the memory of doing it with Simon.”

“Hmm, I wonder if the candy people would enjoy this holiday. As long as we kept it from getting too scary.” PB pondered the pumpkin for a moment, then began to cut into its surface. Betty watched in awe as her first attempt was far better than anything she had ever done. And it was mere minutes later when she finished.

“You carved the Candy Kingdom,” Betty observed. “I can even make out some of your subjects. You created them all yourself, didn’t you?”

“I did, they’re my whole world.”

“You know, I used to study ancient civilizations once upon a time, and I never thought I’d get the chance to study cities and cultures of the future. I’d love to learn more about how you built all this some time, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“I’d enjoy that. When most people ask how I did it, they want a broad, simplified answer. But I suspect you’d like to hear the details most would find boring.”

“None of it would bore me, trust-” At that moment, a wad of pumpkin pulp hit Betty on the side of the head. She wiped it away and saw that Marceline and Simon were taking turns pulverizing their pumpkin with a baseball bat. Once it was nothing more than a pile of mush, Simon scooped it up into a pie tin, added whatever ingredients and spices he could find around the kitchen, and then slammed it into the oven with a satisfied grin on his face.

“People are always saying how hard baking is, I think they just like to complain because that could not have been easier.”

“I don’t know, you and I burn our dishes more often than not. Now, and back then,” Betty pointed out, ignoring the flash of pain she felt at the memory.

Marceline laughed and said, “You know, the last time I had pumpkin pie was when I was a kid. Or well, it wasn’t really a pie, it was just the canned filling. You found it for me, remember, Simon? It was the only thing in that burned down convenience store that wasn’t disgusting.”

“They make canned pie? How do they fit them inside?” Simon asked, flabbergasted.

“Tell us the rest of the story, Marceline,” said Betty. She caught herself and added quickly, “I mean, if it’s not too personal and if you don’t mind.”

Marceline looked away for a moment, solemnly. But she took a deep breath and the smile shakily returned to her face. “It was the first meal we’d been able to scrounge up for a few days. It wasn’t exactly amazing or anything, given that it was just the filling without any sugar or spice, but anything would have tasted good after going so long without eating. But to find something special like that… I took it as a sign that everything would be okay. Simon and I tried to make it last as long as we could, but after we’d scraped the last bit out of the can, I actually got emotional over it. And to think, before all that, in my life before with my mom, I didn’t even like pumpkin pie.”

“It’s okay, with practice I’m sure your mother will get better at cooking,” Simon said sagely, not noticing Marceline’s reaction to his words. “I’ll be right back gang, gotta check that pie.”

PB embraced Marceline. Betty mumbled, “I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s okay, I’m… used to it by now,” said Marceline, wiping tears from her eyes. “He means well, he’d never hurt me on purpose. It’s just hard to remember that sometimes.”

“Maybe we should consider trying the ring,” PB suggested.

“No, absolutely not,” Marceline said firmly.

“What ring?” Betty asked.

“I shouldn’t have brought it up, it’s only a rumor anyway.” PB shook her head.

“Please, tell me about this ring.”

“It’s called the Ring of Release, if it actually exists. But if it does, it supposedly can cure any ailment, physical or mental,” PB explained.

“I’ve tried to find ways of breaking the curse over the centuries,” said Marceline, her gaze distant. “At best Simon just thinks we’re playing a game, at worst he gets hurt and nothing is accomplished. I pushed him away and forced him out of my life for so long, I left him alone with no friends or family to turn to, it’s no wonder he turned to kidnapping and hurting others. I’m trying to make up for that, and while it’s not ideal, Simon and I are in a good place and I don’t want to risk it.”

Betty felt her magic rise to her fingertips; her instincts were screaming at her to force them to tell her what they knew of this ring. She squeezed her eyes shut and fought back against the fierce and violent urge, it took every ounce of self control that she had. 

When she had regained control, she opened her eyes to see the two of them giving her concerned looks. “I understand,” she muttered. 

PB awkwardly cleared her throat and said, “I think we should do the rest of Halloween. Marcy has plenty of old clothes, we could dress up and go ask people to give us stuff.”

“Sure,” said Betty, trembling slightly but trying to hide it. “Why not?”

Marceline led the way to her room, calling Simon from the kitchen. He had been poking at the unsettling concoction in the oven, but was ecstatic to join them. 

Her bedroom was dark, with only a few candles here and there to see by. There was an unmade queen bed but not much other furniture to speak of. Betty was a little surprised at first, but reasoned that the space was largely empty because Marceline didn’t spend much time there, preferring to be out exploring or writing her music.

Marceline went to the closet and started throwing outfits onto the bed. Some were new, most were old, and some hinted at adventures long past, with stab wounds, scorch marks, and splotches of blood. PB chose a tattered cloak that was stained with some sort of purple substance. Simon eagerly snatched up a pink and green dress with a sunhat to match. Betty was reluctant to wear someone else’s clothes, but eventually settled on a faded brown jacket and a top hat. 

“Everybody ready?” Marceline asked, wearing a shimmering mask and cape.

The group each took a bag from the kitchen and then they headed out into the chilly night. They made their way to the Candy Kingdom, and went to the first house they found that still had its lights on. PB knocked on the door as Simon tried to contain his giggles.

Candy Corn Grandma opened up and gave them an odd expression. “What is it, your highness? Is it tax season already?”

“Halloween!” Simon yelled, causing her to cry out. 

“Trick or treat!” Betty timidly declared.

“What trick? Is this a prank? What’s going on here? I have a weak heart, you know.” She grabbed at her chest to emphasize this.

“No tricks, I promise,” Betty said quickly. “We just, um, came for some candy?”

The old lady stared at them for a long moment, then said slowly, “I’ll see what I can do.”

She went back inside, closing the door behind her. Betty wondered if she would be back, but she returned a minute later and filled their bags with pinecones, foot ointment, a rusted fork, and a soggy napkin.

Betty resisted making a face and instead put on a smile. “Thanks, happy Halloween!”

“Wow, can you believe our luck?” asked Simon, admiring the napkin as it felt apart in his hands. Marceline and PB laughed with him as he showed it to them. “I wonder what else we’ll get on our journey.”

Of every other house they visited, most gave candy but every now and again they received more odd gifts of whatever the person had lying around. Simon was delighted every time, there was no such thing as a bad offering in his eyes.

When they had visited every house with lights on, and their bags were full and about to rip open, the group flew back to Marceline’s home only to find thick gray smoke pouring out the windows. Simon rushed in ahead of them to the kitchen, where he threw open the oven and blasted it with snow to put out the fire.

“I can’t believe we forgot about the pie,” said PB, wincing.

He pulled the now frozen, blackened remains of what was intended to be a pie and studied it. “She’s gone. My princess… she’s gone,” he mumbled.

Betty came over to his side and put her arm around him. “Hey, it’s okay that we burned the pie, you and I were never that great at cooking anyway. We’ll find something else to eat.”

“No, it’s not okay!” he shouted, slamming the pie down on the stovetop. “My princess is gone and I can’t get her back, and it’s all my fault!”

He fell to his knees in tears, with Betty kneeling beside him trying to comfort him. “Everything’s all right, it’s not a big deal.”

Simon roughly shoved her away and clutched the pie to his chest. “How could you say that? She’s gone! Pumpkin Pie Princess is gone and it’s because I left her in the oven too long! What will I tell her parents? How do I make this right?”

Hurt and humiliated, Betty pulled herself up and hurried out of the kitchen as Marceline took over. “Hey, Simon, it’s okay. This pumpkin pie isn’t a princess, it’s our pumpkin pie monster and we burned it perfectly. Now I dare you to eat it.”

Simon calmed down and sniffled, “No, I triple dog dare you to eat it!” 

The two started chasing each other through the house, howling with laughter as they went. PB followed Betty outside, the two of them shivering from the cold.

“Why do I keep letting myself hope?” Betty asked quietly. “I know better, I really do, but every time Simon and I start doing better he accidentally says or does something like that and I let myself get hurt all over again. How can I heal if the wound keeps getting ripped open over and over again?” 

She turned to PB, who stood there in silence, looking down at her feet. Betty asked, “What would you do if she succumbed to a fate like this? Could you really accept it without trying everything to save her first?”

Princess Bubblegum took a deep, shuddering breath. “This is all rumor, it might not even be real. But the Ring of Release is said to be in a cave at the bottom of Lake Serene. Not the one near Boneyard Kingdom, the other one that’s filled with bloodthirsty monsters. But like I said, I don’t know how it works or if there are any side effects. If you pursue this, you have to be extremely careful, for Simon’s sake and yours.”

“Thank you.” But just as Betty started mentally making a plan, Simon and Marceline burst out of the house and he threw his arms around her.

“My favorite Betty in the whole world! Marceline made me eat some of the pie and I almost barfed! Now it’s your turn!”

He started to push the revolting pie towards her, but in spite of everything, Betty felt a grin spread out on her face. She wiped at her eyes and said, “Only if you can catch me!”

She took off into the sky, easily avoiding Simon as he chased her. Carrying PB, Marceline joined them in the air and they all tried to dodge the cursed pie. The ring was pushed to the back of Betty’s mind as she was reminded that she and Simon were happy, and any attempt to change him could hurt him or what they had together. For now she decided not to try to find the ring.

But it would remain at the back of her mind, ready if she needed it.

Chapter Text

Betty stood before Simon’s mirror, studying her hair and trying to decide what she wanted to do with it. She had been working in the library for little over a month, and while she had managed to fade into the background and escape all notice as she swept, mopped, and dusted, she was starting to wonder if she should dress a little more professionally.

She didn’t have any other clothes so there she stuck with what was working. She hadn’t done anything with her hair in a long time now though, and wasn’t sure where to begin. She tried a ponytail, she put it in a single braid and then two braids, and she tried a spell to curl it without much success. She was raising a pair of scissors to start snipping away at it when Simon suddenly burst inside, startling her and causing her to drop them.

“Betty! You’re never gonna believe this! Finn has in-laws!” he exclaimed breathlessly.

“Whoa whoa, slow down, Simon. Back up a little, what’s going on?”

“His mom and the rest of the aunts and uncles and cousins eighth removed came from their place and have moved here! Must be for a family reunion or something. They all look like him, the human gene must run deep in their family.”

Betty had reached down to retrieve the scissors but froze. “The humans are here? To stay?”

“Yeah! They’re gonna set up their own little village, maybe it’ll become a kingdom! You think Finn will be the king? Or maybe they’ll accept applications? I wonder if you have to be human, or if they’d let a sexy young popsicle take a crack at it. It’s not like I don’t have experience at it. But anyway, lots of people from all around are going to help them set things up, and I was thinking we could get in on the ground floor. Wanna come?”

Instead of answering, Betty sat down and hugged her knees against her chest. Simon’s smile fell away and he went to join her on the icy floor.

“Oh, I see. You feel bad because your family hasn’t come to visit yet,” he said gently. “I was wondering when you’d introduce me to your folks, but maybe they haven’t made themselves available. Well I’ll say this: if they don’t appreciate their daughter, I don’t want to know them.”

“It’s not that, exactly. It’s… It’s just…” Betty faltered, struggling to find the words. “I used to have a… family before. A great, big, huge… family. Everywhere I went there was family, and we didn’t all know each other but in an extremely broad sense we were all related. They were my people. But something bad happened to all of them, every single one, and I thought I was the last one. Well, except for Finn, but it wasn’t really the same. It was sad, but I accepted it because there was no other option. 

“But now I find out I’ve got… new family members. I mean, I already knew, but they were far away and so I sort of put them out of my mind. Yet now they’ve come here to make a new home and I’m happy about that, I swear I am. It’s just going to take a lot of getting used to, you know?”

“Not really, all my family went on vacation and they never send so much as a postcard. Good riddance, I say. You and the penguins and my pals are more than enough. But if you don’t want to go meet your new family, I can tell them you stubbed your ankle.”

It was a tempting offer, and she almost took it. But she steeled her resolve and rose back to her feet. “No, let’s go. It’s not going to be easy building new homes and starting new lives here, I’m sure they could use all the help they can get. I was just about to go into work though, maybe I should let Turtle Princess know first.”

“Don’t bother, I saw her and LSP judging the humans’ outfits as they were getting off their ships.”

Betty and Simon packed a small lunch and headed for the new humans’ settlement. Or what would become their settlement, as they were still in the process of just unloading everything and hadn’t gotten started building shelters yet. 

A chilly wind blew and the sky threatened snow as everyone worked as quickly as possible. There were people from the Candy Kingdom, Slime Kingdom, Breakfast Kingdom, and more helping out where they could. Betty spotted Finn and Jake helping carry suitcases and crates off the ships. “Hey fellas!” Simon called out, waving. 

They reached the end of the gangplank and set down their loads. “Hey Simon, Betty,” said Finn, stretching his back.

“So this is really happening, huh?” Betty asked, a little nervously.

“Yeah, they’re finally here. Later I’ll introduce you to my mom, but for now there’s still a lot to do.”

“Put us to work, we’re here to help.”

Following Finn’s instructions, Betty and Simon joined in carrying supplies to the mainland. They soon split up as Simon stayed close to Finn and Jake, but Betty didn’t mind. She kept to herself, or tried to anyway. She expected to go unnoticed and just get the job done, but it didn’t work out that way.

“You have the prettiest eyes,” said a little old lady as Betty lifted her bags for her. “Just like my daughter’s.”

“Oh, thank you,” Betty said, blushing a little. “Is she here with you?”

“Oh no, she passed several years ago,” she said softly. Betty felt bad for asking, but then the older woman smiled and said, “How fortunate I am though, to get to see her eyes again when I least expect it!”

A little later, as Betty was walking back up to the ship to bring down more supplies, she saw two human children playing catch with a little red ball. The young boys were throwing it back and forth too hard and it inevitably went over the side toward the water. Betty quickly cast a spell and caught it before it was lost and tossed it back to them.

“Wow, thanks magic lady! Do more magic for us!” the boys said eagerly.

“I’m afraid I can’t now, I’m too busy with these boxes. Perhaps another time?”

“Why don’t you use your magic to move them?”

“Magic drains you if you use it too much, and I’m not here to show off.”

“Oh, okay. Well don’t worry, we’ll help you finish faster!” The two boys both helped Betty lift one of the large crates and carry it down, talking animatedly the whole time. Betty chuckled at their jokes and antics.

As the work continued, Betty kept meeting other humans that accepted her presence and had interesting stories to tell. She couldn’t believe how right it felt to be among them, even though she felt like she was part of an entirely different species.

After depositing yet another crate on the shore, Jake hurried over and got Betty’s attention. “We need you over by the food crates, Simon’s losing it.”

Betty set off at a run, ignoring the stares she was getting. She could hear Simon shouting her name and she followed his voice, and found him standing under the first temporary structure being built. Several boxes had been thrown or knocked over, their contents strewn in the sand. She nearly slipped as ice surrounded Simon, it was spreading fast. His eyes were wide and he was frantically pulling at his hair while Finn kept an arm around him and spoke to him soothingly. He took a step back when Betty arrived, looking worried.

“Simon? What’s wrong?” she asked, taking his trembling hands and holding them tightly.

“There’s too many weirdos here, and I couldn’t find you! Where were they keeping you, princess? What did the weirdos do to you?”

“I’ve been fine this whole time, really.” She looked to Finn. “Do you know what set him off?”

“We noticed him starting to get antsy, but then he just blew up and we don’t know why,” Finn explained.

“Your family’s too big, Finn! Get rid of them!”

Betty glanced at the crowd around them. There were plenty of familiar faces, but most of the people around them were human. And that’s when she realized the problem. 

“It is overwhelming, being around so many people. Why don’t we go home and maybe we’ll try again some other time, okay?” 

She started to lead him away, but they were both grabbed by the shoulder and turned around. Two identical blonde women stood before them, studying them.

“We’ve come to help,” they said in unison.

“Not necessary, thanks.” Betty tried to pull away, but their grip was much more powerful than she expected.

“You need to come with us,” they said. Two more clones were approaching, and one of the two nearby help up a syringe protruding from her finger.

“Really, we’re fine-” Betty said, feeling the magic rise within her.

“It’s okay Betty, you can trust my mom,” said Finn, offering a tentative smile. “Everything will be okay, I promise.”

The robot with the syringe aimed it at Simon, who was nearly in tears, but Betty grabbed her arm to stop her and said with a glare, “Fine, we’ll come with you. But we’re leaving once Simon has recovered.”

“Of course,” said the robot. She pulled the syringe away and it became just her finger again. The two of them led Simon and Betty to the main ship, walking past the cargo and the people onboard toward one of the inner rooms.

It was sparsely furnished and decorated, but then, no one intended to live here long. A large computer monitor awaited them, and on it was the face of the robots who had brought them here. One of the robots put a crocheted yellow blanket on the floor and gestured for them to sit. Betty felt her distrust grow but stayed quiet for the moment.

“Hello, I am Minerva,” said the face on the computer. “I understand your friend here is struggling with something, and I’m here to help.”

“Do you always force your ‘help’ onto people or are we just special?” Betty asked harshly.

“I am a helper, it pains me to see others in pain. Could you please tell me about the problem and what caused it?”

“I already figured it out, there were too many people around and it was too much for him. He’ll be just fine once I get him home.”

“I… I don’t want to go home,” Simon whispered. He had calmed down considerably, but was still visibly upset. “It’s cold, and lonely there. And the penguins don’t even pay their share of the rent. I want to stay here. But there are too many people, send some back.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. This will be a home for all humans, none will be turned away. We would be happy to have you, but we’ll have to work on this issue first.”

“You don’t want to live in the Ice Kingdom anymore?” Betty asked, bewildered.

“I never did, I was just squatting there. I think this could be a new start. It’s just that these people scare me.  Maybe it’s because they’re dressed funny. That’s it, right Betty?”

Betty sighed. She didn’t want to tell this computer program anything, let alone anything personal, but Simon had thrown her a curve ball and she realized the only peaceful way out of this was through. “Simon had a breakdown today because he was surrounded by humans for the first time in a thousand years. He was once one of them, one of us. Still is, I believe. In some form. He doesn’t remember his humanity, but it’s still there, buried deep inside and it reacted to seeing so many of his own kind after so long. It didn’t know what to do about the situation and so it caused him to panic and worry about me, it gave him a tiny bit of understanding of the way he was feeling. That’s all, can we go now?”

“Whoever this guy is you’re talking about, he sure does have some issues,” said Simon, shaking his head.

“Ahh, I see. Simon and Betty. My son has told me much about you,” said Minerva, nodding. “I know that there isn’t a cure for his condition, but I’ve given your predicament much thought and I’d like to help. I am a doctor, after all.”

“You mean therapy?” Betty asked. She gave a small shrug. “I mean, I guess it could help him, maybe a little.”

“Not just for him, I think you would both benefit from it.”

“Me? What do you know about me? What I’ve been through?”

“You’ve gotten along well with our people here today, but being around them can’t be easy for you either. Nor can it be supporting your fiance like this. But if I’m wrong, then tell me how you really feel.”

Betty felt her outrage slowly melt away. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’ve been so hostile. It’s just that… admitting I need therapy is admitting I need help. Out loud.”

“I would have been better off if I had opened up before, when I lost my son. Taking our own advice is one of the hardest things anyone can do.”

“But I mean, can you actually help either of us? We’re both cursed with magic that’s driving us mad, it’s probably beyond your training.”

“I suppose you could say there are plenty of conditions beyond my training, I don’t have the power to cure everything. But should you stop washing your hands just because they’ll get dirty again? Should you stop trying to learn and grow since you’ll never know every secret of the universe? Maybe we can’t fix every problem, but we can work to make things better, little by little. And the best way to start is admitting we can’t do it alone.”

“If we lived here, Betty, we wouldn’t have to be alone anymore,” Simon piped up. “These suckers brought enough supplies for me to build you a house, I’ll build you one as soon as I learn how to build houses.”

“But staying here will make you upset again, I don’t like seeing you that way,” Betty pointed out.

“Simon, in your own words, could you tell me what made you feel so troubled today?” Minerva asked. 

“The people you brought here are freaks, but don’t tell Finn that. He’s finally got a family, it’s not his fault they’re all ugly and there are too many of them and they have no fashion sense.”

“Did any of them seem… familiar?”

“They look like Finn, kinda.”

“Finn doesn’t bother you, and neither does Betty. But being surrounded by so many other humans was disorienting. It’s been a long time since you were around so many, hasn’t it?”

“Usually I’m great at parties! I love big crowds! It’s ding-dongs who throw me off.”

“If everyone here is a ding-dong, why do you want to live with us?”

“Every place has weirdo neighbors, no escaping that.”

“Any other reason? Maybe because it does feel a little familiar? A little like having a family, maybe?”

“No, you guys are Finn’s family.”

“Perhaps, but if you’d really like to live here, you’d be family too. We’d take it slowly at first, give you time to gradually meet everyone at your own pace. There would be no rush, I want you to be comfortable here. You can help us build you a shelter, though I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m drawing up plans to build our own city. I’m even working out the logistics to get it to hover in the sky! I want all our people safe and taken care of, and I’m certain the two of you could help with that, if you’d like. Would you like to join our community?”

“Sure, I’ll let you live with me!” Simon exclaimed.

“And you, Betty?”

Betty looked down at her hands in her lap, taking her time with her answer. “I’m not attached to our current living situation, in the Ice Kingdom. It would be nice to leave it behind. But I don’t know if I’m up to living amongst so many other people, and do you really want me here? Yes, we’re human, but barely. What if Simon has another breakdown? What if I lose control of my magic and hurt someone? What if we make you regret even coming here?”

Now it was Minerva’s turn to think carefully about what she said next. “Betty, I very nearly forcibly uploaded the entire collective consciousness of my people in an effort to protect them. I nearly did it to my own child, as well. I took their well-being into my own hands and decided that my opinion was the only one that mattered. This is to say that none of us are perfect, and if I only allow perfect people into our new society I won’t even have a place there. Simon may very well have another panic attack and you might possibly sneeze and turn one of my Minerva-bots into a beetle. There are going to be disagreements and accidents among the people no matter what as we rebuild our lives here, there’s no getting around the fact that things are going to be hectic and chaotic for the foreseeable future. But you and Simon are kindred to us and so you will not be turned away if you wish to stay. That is a promise.”

Betty was taken aback, but gave her a small, hopeful smile. “Then I suppose we’ve found our new home, then. Thank you, Minerva.”

“I’m a helper, it’s what I do. Now, if you don’t mind, go get back to work and help the others, Betty. Simon, would you mind keeping me company here for the rest of the day? We could talk some more, and you could show me some tricks with your magic.”

“Sorry you got the lame job, Betty,” Simon whispered. He then shot off a blast of magic and covered the floor in snow. “Want to see what else I can do?”

“Oh yes, keep going!”

Betty gave Simon a hug and stood to go. But on her way out, as Simon was creating various animals out of ice, Minerva said gently, “Anytime you want to talk, Betty, I’ll be here. For both of you.”

Betty nodded her thanks and left the two of them alone. By now most of the cargo had been unloaded and the humans were working hard on setting up enough shelters for the night. She quickly joined them and by the end of the day she was exhausted, but proud of her work and happy to have helped build her new community. There weren’t enough shelters to spare one for her and Simon and so the two of them flew back to the ice palace well after dark, but Betty was looking forward to soon building a new home.

Chapter Text

The sound of the broom usually echoed through the library as Betty swept, but there was a lot of low-level chatter throughout the building today and it covered the sound.

Turtle Princess’ library wasn’t the most popular place around but with the snow outside and the roaring fireplace inside, it was a nice way to escape the cold and warm up. While most were huddling together in small groups, chatting and laughing instead of doing any reading, far more books were being taken off the shelves than usual and Betty enjoyed watching it happen. 

She reached down to sweep dirt into the dustpan when she felt someone try to snatch the broom. She stood back up to find a young boy glaring up at her. He was one of the humans, but although Betty had gotten to meet so many over the past few weeks, she hadn’t met him yet.

“Can I help you?” she asked, keeping hold of the broom.

“Give me your stick.”

“And why would I do that?”

“I need it to reach that book on the top shelf. You put it up too high and I need the stick.”

“I’ll do you one better,” said Betty with a light smirk. “Wait right here.”

Betty walked off and came back with the library ladder. She put it in position and then climbed up, asking, “Which one did you want?”

“That one, with the dragon on it.”

Betty retrieved the book, observing its flimsy cover and heavily yellowed pages. As she handed it to him, she said, “You know, that’s actually not a dragon on the side and cover, though it does look like one. It’s an ancient creature called a dinosaur, a Tyrannosaurus Rex to be more precise.”

“Dragons come from dinosaurs?”

“Nope, they’re two totally different things. I wish I could tell you exactly what dinosaurs looked like but no one really knows for sure. This may come as a surprise, they’re even older than I am.”

“Yeah I would’ve guessed, you’re only like fifty right?”

Betty frowned and replied, “Not quite. But would you like to learn more about dinosaurs?”

The boy thought it over. “I mean, dragons are cooler, but this way I’d know more than my dumb teacher at school, right?”

“Well, maybe. What would you like to know first?”

“Were they born able to breathe fire or could they only do that as grownups?”

Betty spent the rest of the afternoon with the boy, answering questions and doing her best to show him how the dinosaurs might have looked with a simple spell. In the end he seemed satisfied enough and he took the ancient book with him as he left. 

“You’re really good at teaching.”

Betty jumped at Turtle Princess’ voice but tried to hide it. “Thanks. It’s nice to get to help people like this, even if only a little.”

“Yeah, people have told me how much you know about books, almost as much as me. It’s surprising, I thought you only knew how to scrub floors. But you’re like a walking library yourself, especially about old things nobody cares about much. I’d like to start bringing people in to teach classes to make Ooo smarter, would you be up for teaching a history class here sometimes? Don’t worry, you can keep janitoring on the side.”

Betty thought it over. “Yes, I think I’d like that. I mean, I can give it a shot, anyway. You really think people would want to listen to me though?”

“Girl, they’re already coming to you more than they are to me. You’re always willing to help them out, even when they’re looking for the really weird stuff. Now, I can’t guarantee that anyone will want to come to a history class since they usually find it so boring, but they like you and you’ve got magic on your side to liven things up. It might take time, but I think this will work.”

“Okay then, yes, I’ll be your new teacher.”

“Wonderful! But for now, help me shoo everyone out of here so we can get to Finn’s on time.”

“Will do.”

People had already begun filing out on their own, but the two of them got the rest going and then locked up the library.

“Want to walk over together?” TP asked.

“Thanks, but I’d like to stop home first to make sure I’m ready. This is a big deal after all, isn’t it?”

“Not really. But we have all been looking forward to it all year and I think you’re going to love it.”

The two split up and Betty flew to the human’s village. It was still small, but growing every day. Most people were inside but those who were out waved up at Betty and she waved back.

The house she shared with Simon was a tiny cottage near the edge of the village. The humans had helped build it and she and Simon had painted flowers, clouds, the creatures only Simon could see, and their friends all over the walls. They had spent the last few days planning exactly where they would put the garden when spring came, and they were constantly brainstorming other ways to improve it. Betty was still adjusting to it but it was really starting to feel like home.

She went inside and looked herself over. The sweater with the snowmen that Simon had knitted for her was still clean in spite of the day’s work, but her braid had come loose and so she quickly redid it. She was presentable, but she still took her time in leaving. She sat for a while on her bed, thinking and focusing on staying calm. Although she was nervous, she knew she would have a good time tonight and there was nothing to worry about. She would just have to remind herself of that every so often.

Having reassured herself, she took off back out the door toward Finn and Jake’s tree house. Simon was almost certainly there already; in spite of her best efforts she had been unable to convince him not to show up eight hours early in order to help set up. 

Other guests were just arriving as she reached the tree house. Most were carrying plates of snacks and too late Betty wondered if she should have brought something as well. Awkwardly she flew in, and tried to disappear as soon as her feet hit the floor.

Finn, Jake, Marceline, PB, Simon, and several others were sitting before BMO as he played tapes on his screen, all of them wearing cozy sweaters. They noticed her come in and Simon beamed as he rushed to her side. He eagerly took her hand and led her over to the rest of the group. 

“I’m so happy you’re here!” he exclaimed. 

“Yeah, we’re glad you made it,” Finn concurred. 

They sat down again and Betty watched the tape being played. It cut haphazardly between Finn battling a monster, Jake preparing a recipe, the two of them interviewing the citizens of Ooo and the two of them dancing, and plenty of other random scenes they’d captured. Despite the chaotic and plotless tone of the film, Betty found herself enjoying it. 

“You know, my nana made home movies like this,” she spoke up. “She was always recording my cousins and I when we were little. It was embarrassing at the time and I usually ran or hid when I saw her ancient camera coming, but it was always nice to revisit those moments after we grew up.”

The next scene played, showing Finn attempting to skate on a frozen lake. He broke through the ice but Jake quickly dropped the camera and came to his rescue.

“Oh, it’s like that movie!” said Betty.

“What movie?” Finn asked.

“Um, it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen it, or any movie for that matter. But in it, we see a boy rescue his brother from a frozen lake like you did, Jake. And we see later that because he did that, his brother saved the lives of all his fellow soldiers in the war he was fighting in. But later the man gets to such a low place that he wishes he’d never been born, so he wasn’t there to save his br-” 

Betty froze when she realized that the house had gone quiet and every eye in the room was now pointedly fixed in her direction. She became self-conscious again and couldn’t finish.

“But then what happened?” Marceline asked, breaking the expectant silence that had fallen. “I think I saw that once, but I don’t remember the rest.”

“You don’t want to hear any more from me, it’s best to watch it for yourselves. If you could, that is.”

“No, you have to tell us the rest of the story!” Jake insisted. “Of course he saves his brother, he has too! That can’t be the end!”

“I’ve heard of people who wished they’d never been born,” said Simon, shaking his head. “Real hard to come back from that on account of not existing.”

“No way, he changes his mind, right?” Finn asked. “He took his wish back and fixed everything, didn't he?"

Every expression surrounding her was frantic, if she didn’t fix this they would never get over it. She started to say something along the lines of "Yes he changes his mind and everything goes back to normal and he and his brother are okay and everyone got wings that wanted them the end." But Simon was giving her an encouraging smile, waiting to hear what she had to say. Not only would that never satisfy them, but she found herself wanting to share this story in full because of how much it had meant to her. And so, while BMO continued playing tapes in the background but quietly, she started from the beginning, painting a picture of the frozen lake and then the old house being brought back to life and of the man who seemingly had nothing but on the contrary…

“No man is a failure who has friends,” she finished softly.

Betty had lost herself in the story but when she looked up she saw tears in the eyes of most of her listeners. Simon was holding her arm and resting his head on her shoulder, having dozed off some time ago. She ran her fingers through his hair and repeated that line to herself, silently this time. 

Marceline cleared her throat and asked, “Got any others you could tell us?”

“Well, um, how about the one about the human who thought he was an elf? Or the ghosts who haunt a jerk until he starts being nice? Or maybe-”

It was at that moment that the last of Finn and Jake’s home movies ended. Simon replaced them onscreen. Her Simon. 

“Hello, my name is Simon Petrikov. I am recording this tape so that people will know my story.”

Betty was paralyzed for a moment, until the others saw what she was looking at. Finn moved to turn it off, but she pushed Simon off of her and grabbed up BMO. She held her close and gaped at the screen as Simon detailed his time with the crown. 

Simon in the tree house woke with a start at having hit the floor and groggily pulled himself back up. “Huh? What’s going on? Did they staple the angel’s wings on or did they use glue?”

“I was studying to be an antiquarian of ancient artifacts. Now, I never believed in the supernatural stuff myself, just had a fascination with superstitions, but everything changed when I came into contact with this item....”

“Betty, maybe we should get outside for some air,” PB started, reaching towards her. Over her shoulder she said in a loud whisper, “Someone get Minerva.”

“What had I said? What had I done when I wore this crown? All I know is I never saw Betty again.”

“I just remembered it’s BMO’s bath time,” Jake added with a nervous laugh. 

He too reached out, but Betty rose up into the air and flew out of the house. As she did, LSP commented, “Whatever, the guy in that vid wasn’t even hot.”

She flew high into the freezing air, up into the falling snow and the clouds. Marceline and Simon followed her.

“Betty, come back and let’s talk, okay?” Marceline called.

“Betty, my princess! What a great idea! The snowy weather is so much more romantic up here!” Simon twirled in midair, grinning from ear to ear.

Their words fell on deaf ears as Betty kept watching Simon’s transformation on the screen, her eyes wide in anguish and horror.

“Since then, I see the visions always whether or not I wear the crown. They tell me the secrets, the secrets of the ice and snow, that the power of the crown will save me with its frost. I don't yet know what this means. As you can see, my skin is beginning to turn blue. My body temperature has been lowering at a supernatural rate, to what is now about thirty degrees Celsius. I don't know when it will end. I'm really scared.”

“Don’t watch my old diary tapes, Betty, I was a real loser in those! Now I’m jacked and I ditched those lame glasses years ago! Your manly man isn’t on BMO, he’s right here!”

“I know how it must feel to see him like that, Betty,” said Marceline, pityingly. “But watching those tapes won’t help anything, they won’t change anything. Simon is still here with us, and he needs you, so, so much.”

Betty’s breathing stopped as she watched the last of the tapes. Her entire body shook, but not from the cold.

“I know my mind is changing, but I'm already too far gone to know what to do. I want people to know that... if I do things... if I do things that hurt anyone, please... please forgive me. Just watch over me until I can find a way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity! And then maybe, Betty, my princess... maybe you will love me again. Please love me again, Betty!”

Static filled the screen for a second before BMO’s face reappeared. He noticed where they were and said, “Oh, that’s why Finn said not to play that one.”

Betty didn’t hear her, she had forgotten there was even anyone around. Her arms went slack and BMO started to fall, but was swiftly rescued by Marceline.

“I miss him too, I know better than anyone how this feels,” Marceline tried again, coming as close as she dared. “But you both have so many friends now, so many people who care about you. We all just want to help if you’ll let us. Please come back with me, before you freeze up here.”

Betty grabbed at her hair and gritted her teeth. Her breathing became quick and shallow and she could not form coherent thought. She was stuck there, until two icy hands took hers. 

“Betty, baby, I can see you’re upset,” said Simon, looking tenderly into her eyes. “And I think I know why. We still haven’t set a date for our wedding. You proposed to me, but I think both parties have to propose or it’s not valid. So, Betty Princess, will you marry me? And if you will, how about we do it tomorrow morning? I know it’s later than we wanted, but I just don’t think we can get catering and flowers ready in time for midnight.”

Simon flinched and was thrown back as Betty screamed and let loose an explosion of magic. Before he or Marceline could recover and get their bearings, Betty took off at lightning speed without looking back. 

Her mind and emotions were still out of control, but one thought managed to take form against the sea of rage and agony.

She was going to bring her Simon back, and to do it she would find the Ring of Release.

Chapter Text

The snow on the ground and trees caught the early light of morning, causing it to dazzle spectacularly across Ooo. Nothing and no one was stirring yet and so all was quiet and calm. 

Betty didn’t notice. If it didn’t pertain to her mission, it went unobserved and unappreciated.

She had been to Lake Serene once before, when she and Simon had picnicked here with Finn and Jake. It was their favorite as there was no shortage of monsters to tangle with. As she landed by the lake, one such beast leapt out of the icy water and into the air. It looked mostly like a shark, but with the legs of a spider and reddish eyes covering the entirety of its body. Betty was nearly knocked down by the wave it created when it hit the water, and her body started to shake from her soaking wet clothes and the frigid wind blowing. But none of these things mattered. She sat cross-legged and started chanting through chattering teeth, her eyes squeezed shut. 

Minutes passed. As Betty’s fingers started turning blue, she felt her mind leave her body and enter the lake. It found the body of the spider shark and quickly seized it. The beast tried throwing her off but her resolve was too strong, and she soon had full control. Using its body, she began searching the lake. 

At any other time she would have used the opportunity to study the vast array of life below these waters, as each creature was stranger than the last. Something with the body of an elephant and the head of an octopus grazed her arm as it lazily swam past. Below her, a dragon was being devoured by a gigantic, multi-headed jeweled sloth. In the distance she saw the remains of a shipwreck crawling across the ocean floor, seemingly being maneuvered by parasites. Even still, she ignored these fantastic sights and honed in on the one that would best suit her needs. Leaving the body of the spider shark, she leapt to what remained of the corpse of a mermaid. Using the body as a puppet, she scanned the depths for caves and searched each one, dodging attacks from the rest of the wildlife as she went. 

In one of the caves she found more mermaids, these being much more alive than the first. When they saw the decaying body of one of their own moving around again, they bared rows of sharp teeth and attacked, trying to sink their long claws and spiked tails into it. Betty managed to dodge them and as she did so, at the back of the shallow cave she saw a faded golden box. She had already come across plenty of other treasures as this was a popular spot for hiding them, and there was no guarantee that this was it. But she risked getting torn apart by the other mermaids to grab it. 

The mermaids gave chase as she made her escape, and the mermaid corpse just barely made it to the surface in time to throw the box to shore before being ripped to pieces. Betty let it go and made a shaking, stumbling run for the box they had been guarding. Her fingers trembling violently, she managed to open the box and inside she found a red ring. Inscribed in the lid, in letters that had nearly worn away with time, she read:

With this ring the wearer shall bear the sickness and pain of the one they love. Only take on its curse if 
your love is true, as it may very well destroy you.

Betty didn’t hesitate. Maybe she was strong enough for this, maybe she wasn’t. All she knew was that she was getting her Simon back regardless of any consequence.

She felt the effects before the ring was fully on her finger. Her vision became fuzzy around the edges and wild hallucinations danced before her eyes. Any and every thought that entered her head felt like it was wrapped in barbed wire, she couldn’t hold onto a single one for long as her mind seemed to shatter in her hands. She was in excruciating pain, but she was barely able to comprehend it. And it didn’t stop there. She picked herself up and started twirling around while spewing nonsense, in words and in spells. Vaguely she was aware that was she was dong made no sense, but she couldn’t understand why and so she just went with it. 

For hours she flitted around without coming close to forming a coherent thought. She started to tire though, but kept going until she collapsed to the ground. Nearly frozen to the core, her base instincts took over without her being aware of them and her cottage rose up around her with an unspoken spell. Or at least, it was her cottage if she were to try to recall it in a dream. The house, now every color of the rainbow, was twisted and it undulated like waves in the ocean. The legs of the furniture were all on the wrong side or too big or two small or not even there. Nothing about it was right, but it felt cozy to Betty.

“What were you doing out in this weather? You’re wet and chilled to the bone!” A familiar, if wavery voice scolded. “What, were you in the mood for a little frostbite? You really don’t have any brains at all, do you?”

Betty struggled to understand the words but mostly recognized the emotion tied to them and felt ashamed. She could only mumble gibberish in reply.

A pair of hands lifted her limp form from the floor and roughly deposited her on the couch. Her eyes were wide as they gazed up at Simon, her Simon, scowling down at her.

“It’s always something with you, isn’t it?” he grumbled to himself. 

He dressed her in fresh clothes and draped a blanket over her. Once she had stopped shivering, he asked, “What were you thinking? Say something!”

Tears brimmed in Betty’s eyes, he had never once spoken to her this way. She was still extremely disoriented and could barely speak, but even if she could have she would have remained silent. He had every right to do this in the state she was in, she was just sorry to be so much trouble.

Betty’s condition did not improve in the days and weeks that passed, with her alternating between raving and muttering nonsense with catatonia. Simon grew ever more frustrated with her.

“I slave away in the kitchen and you won’t even try to eat! Pick up the spoon or waste away, I’m not feeding you anymore!”

“Get up and do something for yourself for once, huh? Before you get bed sores!”

“You’re nothing but an embarrassment, and yet I’m stuck with you.”

Inside Betty’s mind raged a relentless and all-consuming sea. She still could not form or hold any thought without pain, and struggled to remember her life before it became this way. Her ears were filled with disembodied voices, whispering to her the secrets of ice and snow but also the stories of the people of Mars. They gave her constant nightmares, and caused her to forget where or who she was nearly each day. Both would cause her to scream and break down, but Simon would either scream back at her or ignore her all together. Each day she tried to regain control of herself, tried to speak words that made sense, but the infection in her mind kept her trapped within herself. She was helpless, and what little thought she could muster told her how disgraceful she was and that Simon had every right to resent her.

But then the day came when everything changed. Betty had managed to dress herself that day, which required all her strength and concentration. Still, she turned to Simon, who continued to glare at her over the book he was reading.

“You want an applause? Want me to jump and down and cheer for you for doing the absolute minimum? You’re lucky you have me, no one else would put up with this the way I do.”

Betty nodded her head slightly, thoroughly ashamed of herself. She lost focus and watched the monstrous hallucinations, but soon heard familiar voices from outside.

“Look, down there. There’s something seriously messed up with that house, we should check it out.”

“Yeah, I think we should. Betty? Betty, are you there?”

Grimacing, Simon put down the book and got up to lock the door. But before he could, it slammed open and in rushed the man who had been the Ice King, wearing clothes that nearly matched Simon’s and with eyes more lucid than they had ever been. 

“Betty! Oh my glob, I’ve been so worried about you! Are you hurt? What’s going on?”

Marceline, PB, Finn, and Jake all rushed in behind him, ready for a fight if necessary. 

“You all need to get out of here this instant!” yelled the Simon who had been looking after her. Betty still could not truly process the thought, but for the first time she noticed how insubstantial he looked. She could nearly see through him, like mist.

“Who are you and why do you look like me?” Ice King retorted.

“I look nothing like you, there’s clearly something wrong with you. I’ve already got my hands full here so leave right now!”

The Ice King reared back and punched him with all his might, knocking him flat on his back. Simon pulled himself up again and tried to deliver a hit of his own, but his hand went straight through him. He kicked and hit and bit and screamed at him, but he might as well have been a ghost. He could do nothing as the Ice King turned his attention to Betty, lifted her from the couch, and cradled her in his arms. 

“Let’s get you out of here.” Although the concern was loud and clear in his expression, he mustered up a little smile of reassurance for her. 

The group walked out as Simon screamed at them, but could not follow as he was trapped in the house. Betty’s gaze stayed fixed on it as they walked away, until they had gone so far that the house and the imposter inside faded into nothingness. It was only then that she recognized the man holding her for who he was. 

Doctor Princess tried shining a light in Betty’s eyes to check them while Nurse Poundcake tried to take her blood pressure, but this set her off and she pulled away. She started spinning in circles while softly singing to herself, forgetting anyone else was there. 

“From what I can tell, she’s malnourished but not physically ill,” said the doctor. 

“I already told you, it’s the ring,” said PB. “It must be the Ring of Release, she must have found it and this is what it’s done to her. It took the madness of the crown and gave it to her, but it’s combined with the madness of Magic Man and morphed into something worse than both. It’s too much for her.”

“We’ve all tried pulling it off but it won’t budge,” Finn added. “I don’t think it’ll come off unless Betty wants it to.”

“Are we sure we don’t want to just cut the finger off?” Marceline asked. 

“Cursed rings usually blow up or poison you or scream when you try that,” Jake said, shaking his head. 

“There are some potions we can try, though I wouldn’t get my hopes up,” said Doctor Princess.

“Is she stable enough to bring home?” Simon asked. “Any such treatments can be done there, I think.”

“Are you sure you don’t want her kept here? In her condition-”

“I’m sure. She never gave up on me, and I’m not about to give up on her.” Simon caught Betty’s hand and put an arm around her shoulder. She stopped spinning but kept singing gibberish, turning her head this way and that and not focusing on anything. He pulled her close to his side and led her away, out of the hospital. 

The group said their goodbyes and then Simon took Betty into his arms and flew off into the sky. The ring had taken the madness, but still left him with the appearance and abilities of the Ice King. 

“Oh Betty, my princess. Let’s get you home.”

Through the fog in her mind, Betty heard his words and she could hardly believe them. He didn’t despise her, he still loved her in spite of this. She gathered her strength and took hold of his coat, squeezing it weakly but as hard as she could. Simon held her tighter in response.

Chapter Text

In the following months, Betty gradually regained her health little by little. She still could do very little and she tired quickly, and although she had regained some control during her manic episodes they still took her over as though she were possessed. There was no sign that would be going away any time soon, if it ever did. But Simon helped her celebrate each accomplishment, no matter how small.

He had always been kind and sweet, no one knew this better than Betty. And yet she still couldn’t bring herself to believe that he didn’t mind all the work that went into caring for her, that he truly believed she was worth it. Granted, a Minerva-bot came by each day to help out. Both with her care and to aid in drawing her out of the prison of her mind. Even so, Simon still chose to take on the brunt of the work. He was there for her during the nightmares at night and the episodes of terror and confusion during the day, enduring the screams and helping her wait them out. If his patience ever began to wear thin, he never showed it. 

On that day, Simon was helping Betty take tentative steps outside with her walker. The flowers and vegetables they had planted were beginning to sprout and she was eager to see them. 

“The garden… beautiful.” Every word was taxing for Betty, and her voice was low and gruff from the screaming. 

“Isn’t it? Granted, I think I’d have better luck in the garden if my fingers didn’t leak ice all over the place.” Outwardly he still looked like the Ice King, but anyone who knew him well could see who was really looking out of those eyes. 

The two shared a laugh at his joke, and then they went to sit on the little wooden bench off to the side. They sat in relaxing silence for a while, with Betty leaning her head on his shoulder and him holding her hands in his frosty ones. 

“You know, it’s been nice being myself again,” Simon said after some time had passed. “Like a little vacation, you could say. What you did for me, well, it means the world to me and I want to make sure you know that. But darling… I think we can stop now. You can take off that ring, and we’ll go back to the way things were.”

“No!” Betty didn’t mean to shout it. “Can’t… never go… back. You’re… happy. Finally.”

“Betty, I was happy before. My memory of those times is kinda muddled, for obvious reasons, but I do know that in the midst of the madness you were there for me and it made all the difference. I know it wasn’t easy, but you were patient and you stood by me through it all. You were my joy then, and you still are. I know I seem far away when the Ice King is in charge, but ever since you opened up your heart to him I’ve been with you and that’s not about to change. I can endure being Ice King with you there by my side, but you’ve taken on too much and it’s unnecessary. I don’t want you hurting anymore for my sake. Please, take off the ring.”

Nervously, Betty lifted the hand with the ring on it. Slowly, Simon started to slide it off her finger, but before he could make any headway Betty jerked her hand out of his grasp and cried out. She grabbed at the sides of her head and shook back and forth. The shrieking became an intense mumbling to herself, and she forgot Simon was even there. When he tried to hold her, she roughly pushed him away and yelled again.

Simon looked on at her, his heart breaking for her, but stayed by her side without touching her. He waited for her to calm down before trying again, and by that point the sun had set. Betty continued rambling incoherently to herself, but the tenseness had mostly left her body and so Simon took the opportunity to carry her inside. He brought her to her bed and wrapped her in a blanket. Some time later, he brought her a bowl of soup and coaxed her into eating. Afterwards, he read to her from the book they had been sharing until she drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Betty didn’t recover enough to speak again for four days. Near the end of the week, the Minerva-bot was wrapping up their therapy session as Simon rejoined them after his walk. Betty was ashamed and couldn’t bring herself to look at him. He shook the water from from his hair and beard, having got caught in the rain, and sneezed and snowflakes cascaded to the floor. He was always embarrassed when he did that, and his cheeks would go a deeper blue as a result. Betty couldn’t resist it and she turned her gaze in his direction, finally making eye contact. She almost smiled, but stopped herself.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “Are you… angry?”

“No, should I be? Should I go complain to the cloud people about timing the rain better?”

“I mean… me. Losing control. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I should have given you more time before bringing it up. We won’t talk about it again until you’re ready.”

“I’m too... too much... work. You should… give me to… Minerva. Find someone el-else. Move on.”

Concern in his eyes, Simon rushed over and sat by her, taking her hands in his. “Why would you think that?”

“Before… the false Si-Simon. Said horrib-ble things. Hated me. Was he… right?”

Simon thought about his answer before speaking. “You created that house to keep from freezing to death, and while it didn’t come out right I noticed little touches that you borrowed from ours. You needed shelter, and you needed comfort from your ordeal. But at the same time, you accidentally created a version of me along with it. I think he was supposed to comfort you as well, but instead he voiced your innermost fears. He was a self-fulfilling prophecy. You were afraid I would see you like that, that I would grow to resent you. And I’m guessing there was some guilt thrown in as well. You tried to accept me as Ice King before, but couldn’t. Not entirely.”

“Sorry, I-”

“No, it’s all right. Coming to terms with something like that takes time, and you were doing your best to be there for me in the meantime. And anyway, it’s not as if you had to like everything about the Ice King. He could be pretty annoying sometimes, even though we both know I’ve definitely never done anything annoying at all ever in my life. It’s not like I ever leave my dishes lying around or forget an anniversary or anything. No, you’re looking at Mr. Perfect right here.”

In spite of herself, Betty laughed a little.

“I meant what I said, you supported me and gave me your love even in the hardest times. Maybe not at first, but once you made up your mind you really committed. And now it’s my turn to be here for you, no matter what. I don’t mind taking care of you, but what you’re going through is far worse than the crown’s insanity alone and it hurts me to see you suffer.”

A tear slid down Betty’s cheek as she leaned against Simon. Despite his constant low body temperature, she always felt warm when she was near him. Gingerly, her fingers went to the ring and she tried to slip it off. 

“The ring,” she said, confused. “It won’t… come off.”

Simon gave it a try but couldn’t take it off either. “Is it stuck?”

Thinking was still a challenge for Betty; her mind was like broken glass that was being slowly put back together but each piece still drew blood. Even so, she realized the problem. 

“I belie-lieve you. You can go... back. To Ice King. But deep down… can’t. Can’t accept. Can’t let you. Hurt anymore.”

“I see. Well, we’ll give it more time,” Simon said, choosing once again to be optimistic. “Until then, I’ll keep searching and asking around. We’ll figure this out one way or another.”

Simon held Betty close to him, and she was comforted by the sound of his heart beating.

Summer came again, as did Fall. Ooo froze over once more and Betty had made little more progress. Physically she had improved, but her speech was still impaired and her thoughts were either just out of reach or sent a dagger of pain into her skull. 

Her friends came to visit every so often. Jake would come and cook for them, often bringing Lady Rainicorn and one or more of his kids. Finn would bring tales of adventure and souvenirs for them to keep; sometimes the tooth of a monster or a gleaming jewel, other times a button or a cool rock he’d found along the way. Marceline brought music into the house, and was teaching Betty the basics on her base both as part of her therapy and because Betty found she enjoyed making music of her own. PB was strangely absent, but Betty assumed she was busy with the running of her kingdom. Turtle Princess brought her plenty of books, hopeful that she would return to the library to clean and teach again soon. Others popped in every so often as well, it was a reminder of how many friends she had made over the past year. So many people cared about her and she in turn for them, when she had never intended to make a life here when she first arrived. 

Even so, her condition brought doubt with it. In spite of his promise, Betty would catch herself worrying that Simon would give up, that the final straw would get to him and he would leave or berate her for her condition. And there were times when she saw dark circles beneath his eyes, or she caught him stopping himself to take a deep breath and keep his composure. Their situation was challenging, Simon would never deny it. But through it all he still mustered the strength to crack a joke now and then and look on the bright side, and face each day bravely.

Until one day, when there was a knock on the door just after breakfast. Simon started to rise from the table but Betty volunteered. Using her walker, she made her way to the door to find Princess Bubblegum standing there, holding a box-like contraption.

“G-Good morning,” said Betty, ushering her inside.

“Eh, it could be better,” PB said with a shrug. “But I’ve brought something that I think you’ll both appreciate. It’s taken months of work, but I think it’s finally ready.”

“What is it?” asked Simon.

“That ring has refused to come off for months now, it’s like you welded it onto your finger. My first line of thinking was how to cut your finger off without any other possible curses on it killing you. I was even considering removing the entire hand or even your arm. Just up to the elbow! No further, I swear! You and Finn could have started a club. Anyway, I digress. The idea eventually occurred to me that maybe we don’t have to remove it, we just limit its power. Cut it in half, per say.”

“How?” Betty asked, trying not to get her hopes up.

“Give me your hand.” Betty did so, choosing to trust that PB wasn’t going to hack any parts of her body off after all. PB placed it in the open part of the device and then pressed a button. There was a flash and the finger wearing the ring stung a little, but that was all. PB released her hand and a moment later, another ring tumbled out of the machine, identical to the first. Betty realized what she intended and grew angry.

“No, you can’t!” 

Her breathing sped up and she started trembling, but Simon rushed to her side and held her close.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. How’s that old saying go? We double our joy when we share it, but a shared burden is only half a burden. We’re both going to be just fine, I promise. I love you, Betty.”

PB handed him the ring and he slipped it on without a second thought. Betty instantly felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her mind and shoulders. The fog wasn’t completely gone; her thoughts were still a jumbled mess and some of them still hurt like jagged shards of ice, but it was nothing like it had been before. She had spent so long in that state that she had forgotten how it felt to be free, she was nearly overwhelmed by it.

Simon, on the other hand, doubled over with the pain. Betty took his hands in hers and let him squeeze them as hard as he needed to. It was several minutes before he was able to pull himself back up, and there was a wild look in his eyes that Betty knew must be in hers as well. 

“How are you both feeling?” PB ventured.

“Like I can finally breathe again,” said Betty. “Thank you, PB. Thank you, Simon.”

“Anything for you,” Simon murmured, clutching his head. He managed to meet her eye and give her a weak but genuine smile.

“Mind if I stick around to take notes on your condition?” PB asked, producing a notebook and pen from her pocket. “I can also help out with anything you need during this adjustment period.”

And so she did. While observing them, PB made sure they ate and kept things tidy and followed Minerva’s care instructions. It was a good thing too, as the madness of the ring hindered their memory and kept them absentminded. In the end, PB left notes all over the house to aid in remembering things.

Later, after she had gone back to the Candy Kingdom, with the moon shining through the clouds trying to block it, Betty and Simon laid down in their bed together. Both were somewhat restless and had a few bad dreams during the night, but they were nothing like before. Betty got her first restful sleep in ages, curled up in the arms of the man she loved and who would always accept her, forever and always.

Chapter Text

Betty and Simon were once again sitting on their bench by the garden. After a while Betty noticed she was cold, and realized it was because she had forgotten to wear anything warm in the wintery air. She rushed inside and soon came back out bundled up for the weather. Simon gave her space for a while to warm back up as his lack of body heat would do her no favors, but once she was ready she insisted he take her in his arms again.
 
“I was thinking,” Simon began, “we should go on an expedition soon. See what artifacts and relics we can find here in the future.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing. I’ve been itching to get back out there, to get out of the house and see the rest of the world. We know there’s more to it than Ooo, I want to see it all. But…”

“I know, it’s a little scary.”

There was a pause. “Are you sure you’re up for this?” she asked after a while. “Living with insanity again, I mean.”

“I’ve already got a thousand years of practice.”

“But you’re aware of it this time. And all you’d have to do is take off that ring to rid yourself of it.”

“I’m not sure exactly which is worse, knowing you’re insane or being totally oblivious to it. And it does… hurt more, this time around. I don’t know how you lived with it as long as you did. But as long as we’ve got each other, we’ve got this.”

“Do you remember that time we went kayaking? Your boat capsized, and mine did too while I tried to rescue you. We made it to shore and tried to walk back to civilization, and spent a long time totally lost. But we were together then too. And I knew we’d be all right.”

Betty felt Simon stiffen, and she looked to see his face screwed up in pain and disorientation. “I don’t remember. Why don’t I remember? What’s going on?”

“It’s okay, I don’t remember everything either. But I’m here, and I love you, so much.” Betty held him tightly, until he pushed her away and started rocking back and forth. It hurt, but she knew he didn’t mean it and gave him space until he was ready to feel her touch again. 

Simon gradually returned to himself, working to catch his breath and relax his pounding heart. He let Betty take his hands in hers and he started to relax.

“Episodes like that are tough,” he said softly. “But I still believe we could do it. We’d take a Minerva-bot with us to help out, and together we could make it work.”

“We could invite Marceline, and PB if she could find someone to take care of things in the Candy Kingdom. I bet Finn and Jake would like to come along too. We could form an entire team to back us up.”

“Yes, that's a great idea." Simon paused again, looking down at his still trembling hands. "We’ll be living with this for the rest of our lives,” he said solemnly. 

“You don’t have to.”

“We’re both going to, and we can either hide at home until we die, or we can get out there and live. Personally, I want us to get out there and do all the living we can. But do you think you can stand to live with a crazy person? Say, until death do us part? We’ve already got the rings, after all.”

“Only if you can manage to put up with me for that long. Now, and when I’m old and wrinkly.”

“Yeah, I got you beat there. And when we’ve got some money on us and when we’re flat broke.”

“When we’re stuck in a meltdown, or can’t remember a thing. Will you still love me if I shave my head and wear my bra outside my shirt?” Betty asked with a giggle.

“Pretty sure Ice King beat you to that one too so yeah, you’re good. I’ll take you for worse, but I think we’re in for some better days ahead. You and I are certainly due some.”

“Want to kiss your bride?”

In answer, Simon held her close and their lips met. He pulled away just long enough to whisper, “You and I are crazy, and we will be living with it for the rest of our lives. But neither of us will go through this alone, not ever again.”