Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Seo Changbin was easy-going, funny, and effortlessly charming—a simple guy with simple pleasures. He enjoyed eating, working out, writing songs, and spending time with his bandmates. His sharp wit and playful nature made him the heart of the group. The members loved and respected him, and in turn, he enjoyed teasing and joking around with them. Changbin liked to believe he was the soul of their little family, the glue that kept their spirits high when things got tough.

Yet beneath the humor and ease, there were two things Changbin took seriously: his music and his roommate, Hwang Hyunjin.

He still remembered the day they met, back when they were trainees at JYP Entertainment. Hyunjin’s striking features had caught his attention immediately—his expressive eyes and beautiful smile seemed almost unreal. Meanwhile, Hyunjin had admired Changbin’s fierce rap skills and hardworking nature. They clicked instantly, forming a bond that only deepened when they moved into the JYP dorms together as roommates. By the time the group debuted, they weren’t just friends; they were each other’s comfort, a constant in an ever-changing world.

Changbin loved Hyunjin’s laugh—the way it rang out, uninhibited, when he made a silly joke. He loved the way Hyunjin clung to him during group schedules, the way he sometimes scolded him for being too loud but never truly meant it, the way he danced. He loved everything about Hyunjin.

It took years of living and working side by side for Changbin to realize that what he felt for his roommate wasn’t just friendship anymore. Somewhere along the line, admiration had turned into something deeper. He didn’t just want to protect Hyunjin—he wanted to be the person Hyunjin turned to, always. He wanted to be more than a roommate, more than a best friend.

But love, as Changbin had come to learn, is rarely simple.

Hyunjin admired him, respected him, and loved him—as a friend, a brother, a partner in their chaotic idol life. But he didn’t love Changbin in the way Changbin longed to be loved.

Changbin wasn’t sure when their playful flirting started to feel different. Perhaps it had always been there, disguised as harmless banter. What began as teasing gestures in front of the camera gradually became a means for Changbin to get closer to Hyunjin, to test the limits of their friendship. If he had his way, he would’ve held Hyunjin close and never let him go.

Then, one day, things changed. Changbin kissed Hyunjin and Hyunjin kissed back. Maybe Hyunjin fell for him too—or at least, that’s what it seemed like. It wasn’t a grand confession or a sudden shift, but something subtle, a quiet understanding that grew between them. Hyunjin never said the words Changbin longed to hear, but somehow, he didn’t need to. They became something more, something intimate, yet undefined. Changbin could kiss him now, hold him through the night. They shared a bed and a life, and for a while, that was enough.

But even in those tender moments, a part of Hyunjin always felt distant, unreachable. Though they shared almost everything—schedules, meals, late-night conversations—Changbin sensed there was something Hyunjin held back, something he never let him see.

At times, it felt like their relationship wasn’t built on love but convenience. Maybe Hyunjin stayed with him because he didn’t want to lose the comfort of what they had, because it was easier to keep things as they were than to risk breaking them. Changbin tried not to think too much about it. He told himself he was happy. Hyunjin was by his side, and that was what mattered.

Hyunjin never rejected his affection on and off cameras. He welcomed the flirting, laughed at the playful advances, and even seemed to expect them. It became part of their routine, like so many other things—checking in on each other’s schedules, waiting up when one of them was late, memorizing each other’s interests and quirks. They acted like a couple, lived like a couple. The only thing they never did was put a label on it.

But now, Changbin understood. He was desired, but never truly loved—not in the way Hyunjin loved Lee Felix.

Felix, with his warm smiles and gentle presence, had captured a part of Hyunjin that Changbin never could. Felix was the one Hyunjin chose, the one he truly loved.

Changbin had been a comforting constant, a safe place for Hyunjin. But he was never the one. He had been a choice, but never the final choice. A maybe—but never a forever.

Yet despite it all, Changbin didn’t regret loving Hyunjin. He had given their relationship everything he had, and even if he was left with nothing, he would always cherish the moments they shared. He would always love him, even if he was never loved in return.

For a while, Changbin believed Hyunjin was oblivious to his own feelings. He didn’t know that he was attracted to the man he called his Angel. Like a sunflower, he just couldn’t stay away.

Changbin could see it coming though, like a slow-moving storm on the horizon—predictable, yet unstoppable. He had tried to ignore it for as long as he could, clinging to the fleeting moments he still had with Hyunjin. The shared laughter, the quiet nights, the familiar warmth of a presence he could no longer call his own.

But as much as he tried to deny it, the shift in Hyunjin’s heart was undeniable.

Hyunjin had changed, though not in a way that anyone else could notice. To the world, he was still the beautiful, enigmatic performer with an aura of quiet confidence. To their bandmates, he was still the same awkward yet charming boy they had grown up with. But to Changbin, he was someone slowly slipping through his fingers, moving toward a light that wasn’t his anymore.

Felix. The name alone felt like both a comfort and a curse.

It wasn’t that Changbin resented Felix—how could he? Felix was one of the most kind and selfless people he knew, someone who radiated warmth wherever he went. He had a way of making people feel safe, like they belonged. He could make you laugh when you were at your lowest, pull you out of the darkness without even trying. That was who Felix was. The sunshine of the group. That was why everyone loved him.

Including Hyunjin.

Changbin could see it in the little things—the way Hyunjin’s eyes softened when Felix spoke, the way he smiled just a little brighter when Felix was around. The way he gravitated toward Felix without even realizing it, like he couldn’t help himself. Felix didn’t seem to notice either, at least not consciously, but Changbin knew better.

Every time Hyunjin reached for Felix’s hand in that casual, effortless way he did, Changbin’s heart ached just a little more. It wasn’t jealousy, not exactly. He had no right to be jealous. He didn’t want to resent Hyunjin for finding happiness, nor did he want to begrudge Felix for being the one to give it to him. He loved them both in different ways. But love had never been fair to him. 

Hyunjin perhaps never truly understood what love meant. That was part of what made him so endearing, yet so difficult to love in return. He moved through life with a kind of innocence, oblivious to the way he affected those around him. Even when Changing had suddenly reshaped their relationship by kissing him abruptly, Hyunjin had just accepted it like he expected it. Maybe he didn’t want to hurt Changbin’s feelings or maybe he didn’t want to complicate their relationship. Either way, he went along with their relationship. Changbin had then thought that maybe, just maybe, Hyunjin would learn to love him the way he loved Hyunjin. He had thought that if he waited long enough, and continued to stay by his side, things might change.

But now he knew better.

Hyunjin’s heart had never truly been his. Not entirely. It had always been waiting for Felix, even if Hyunjin hadn’t realized it at first. It was Felix who could give him what he needed—light in his darkest moments, warmth in the cold. Felix, who could make him believe in himself when no one else could. Felix, who could bring him out of his shell. Felix, who could bring down the walls he had built around his heart.

Changbin was amused at the way Hyunjin changed. For someone who insisted on hating skinship, he could now barely keep his hands off Felix. Probably because Felix needed hugs and because Hyunjin wanted to love him the way he deserved to be loved. They were fools to not realize their heart’s desire… to not see what they mean to each other.

He had seen this before. He knew what unspoken love looked like, because he had lived it. He still was living it.

And when the tide finally shifted, for a while, Changbin pretended not to notice the growing bond between Hyunjin and Felix. Pretended not to see the way Hyunjin lit up when Felix was near or the way Felix blushed when Hyunjin threw his arm around his shoulders. Pretended that he could hold onto something that was already slipping away.

He wondered if the rest of the group had noticed the changing dynamics of the trio. Though his relationship with Hyunjin was not official, he was sure their friends had known all along. They were perceptive in that way. They were family. So it wouldn’t take them long to notice the tension brewing between Hyunjin and Felix. But would they also be able to see his heart break?

And so, Changbin waited for the inevitable, for the day when Hyunjin would no longer come home to him, no longer seek his comfort in the middle of the night. He waited for the day when he would be nothing more than a band member, someone who had once been more than a friend but was no longer needed. He waited to be replaced, to be forgotten.

Despite the looming end, he couldn’t bring himself to leave first. He knew he should let go of Hyunjin. He knew that staying would only hurt more in the long run. Yet, he couldn’t walk away, not when Hyunjin still smiled at him like nothing had changed, not when there were still moments—however brief—when it felt like things were the same as they had always been.

Love had this way of making fools of even the strongest hearts. And Seo Changbin, for all his strength and resilience, was no exception. Even if he couldn’t be the one Hyunjin loved, he would still be there for him. He would still be a part of his life, even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted. And maybe, just maybe, that would be enough.

Chapter Text

“You like him, don’t you?” Seungmin’s voice broke through Felix’s trance.

Felix was leaning against the mirrored wall of their dance studio, his muscles sore from hours of practice, yet he barely noticed the ache. His eyes had been fixed on Hyunjin, who was still rehearsing the dance routine with an intensity that always left Felix breathless. There was something magnetic about him—the way his body moved, how every step seemed effortless, how he got lost in the music as if nothing else existed. Felix couldn’t look away, not when Hyunjin was like this. He never could anymore.

“Mn.” Felix responded absently, too lost in his thoughts to realize what he had just admitted out loud.

It wasn’t until Seungmin’s amused smile caught his eye that the weight of his own words hit him. His heart dropped. He had said too much. Felix turned to his friend quickly, eyes wide, panic setting in. Seungmin didn’t look surprised or judgmental—only patient and understanding, as if he had known all along.

But when Seungmin met his gaze, he didn’t see the fondness that had filled Felix’s eyes moments ago. Instead, he saw something else now: guilt. A deep, aching guilt that Felix could no longer hide.

“Lix? What’s wrong?” Seungmin’s tone shifted, concern replacing the teasing edge.

Felix swallowed hard, trying to gather his thoughts. “Sorry… Can you please forget I said that?” His voice was quiet, strained. There was no use denying it—Seungmin knew the truth now, but admitting it aloud made it feel too real, too dangerous.

“You don’t want to ruin his relationship with Changbin hyung, is that it?” Seungmin pressed gently, his voice soft but insistent.

Felix didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. The silence said enough. His eyes drifted back to Hyunjin, who was still practicing alone, oblivious to the turmoil Felix was battling within himself. He tried to stand, wanting to escape the conversation before it went any further, but Seungmin caught his wrist, pulling him back down.

“You can talk to me, Lixie,” Seungmin said reassuringly.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Felix’s voice was firmer now, but there was a tremble beneath it. He hated how vulnerable he felt, how exposed. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Is it not?” Seungmin’s gaze was steady, kind but unrelenting. “Are you saying you don’t have feelings for Hyunjin?”

Felix’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. He couldn’t answer. He wouldn’t. Admitting it would only make things worse. His silence hung in the air like a heavy weight, speaking volumes despite his refusal to say the words aloud.

“It doesn’t matter,” Felix said at last, his voice barely above a whisper. “He already has someone. He… he’s Binnie hyung’s boyfriend.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Seungmin leaned forward slightly, his eyes searching Felix’s. “I asked if you love him.”

The question hit Felix like a blow to the chest. He looked away, unable to meet Seungmin’s gaze. Love. The word felt too big, too heavy. It was the truth he had tried so hard to bury, the truth he couldn’t bring himself to face.

“What if he feels the same about you?” Seungmin asked quietly even when he could sense the feelings Felix was trying to suppress.

Felix laughed bitterly. “He doesn’t.” He didn’t want to entertain the thought, didn’t want to let himself hope for something that could never be. “He loves Changbin hyung. That’s how it’s always been.”

Seungmin didn’t argue, didn’t try to convince him otherwise. Instead, he let Felix speak, let him pour out the feelings he had kept bottled up for so long.

“Do you remember when I first came here?” Felix’s voice was steadier now, though there was a sadness in it that Seungmin hadn’t heard before. “I was barely 17. I didn’t know anyone, didn’t understand the language or the culture. I was so lost. I can’t even count how many times I wanted to quit, to go back home. I had panic attacks all the time. I cried myself to sleep in that dorm more nights than I can remember.”

Seungmin listened quietly, his expression softening.

“Changbin hyung was there for me through all of it. He was my rock. He helped me get through things I couldn’t have faced alone. He’s always been there when I needed someone. I could never betray him like that.” Felix’s voice wavered, and he looked down at his hands. “It doesn’t matter if Hyunjin feels the same. Even if he does, I’ll never do anything to hurt Binnie hyung. I owe him too much.”

Seungmin was silent for a moment, absorbing Felix’s words. He understood Felix’s loyalty, admired it even, but he also saw the pain it caused him. “And what if Hyunjin confesses one day? I’ve seen the way he looks at you sometimes, and how his face lights up when you are near.” he asked. “What will you do then?”

Felix let out a shaky breath, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “It’ll be the worst day of my life,” he admitted, his voice barely audible. “I won’t be able to accept his feelings, but I also won’t be able to deny my own. I just… I just hope that day never comes.”

A single tear escaped, sliding down Felix’s cheek. He quickly wiped it away, standing before Seungmin could say anything else. “I need some air,” he muttered, his voice thick with emotion. Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked out of the studio, leaving Seungmin behind.

That night, as he lay in bed, Seungmin’s words echoed in Felix’s mind. What if Hyunjin feels the same about you?

Felix stared up at the ceiling, memories flooding his mind. He thought back to the time when Hyunjin had gone on hiatus, how much he had missed his best friend during those four long months. He hadn’t realized it then, but by the time Hyunjin returned, something had changed. Somewhere along the way, Felix had fallen in love.

Hyunjin had struggled after his return—struggled to find his place back in the group, struggled to connect with the fans, struggled to regain his confidence. And Felix had been there for him, offering quiet support, comforting him in ways he hoped didn’t betray the feelings he kept hidden. They had grown closer after that, inseparable even, and though Felix cherished those moments, they also hurt.

Every touch, every laugh, every shared glance—it was agony. Loving someone he couldn’t have, being close yet knowing he could never truly be with him. But he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t walk away, even if it would have been easier.

He wiped at his eyes as more tears threatened to fall. He didn’t know how long he could keep this up, didn’t know how much longer he could hide his feelings. But one thing was certain—no matter what happened, he would never betray Changbin.

Even if it meant breaking his own heart.

And with that thought, Felix closed his eyes, letting exhaustion and sorrow pull him into restless sleep.

It wasn’t very obvious, but lately, Felix had noticed something that made him uneasy—Changbin tensed up slightly whenever Hyunjin and he were together. The change wasn’t dramatic, but Felix picked up on it nonetheless. Did Changbin catch on to his feelings? The thought gnawed at him constantly, adding to the emotional turmoil he already carried. He had tried, time and again, to keep his distance from Hyunjin, only to fail repeatedly. And tonight was no different.

The group had been nominated for their first-ever Album of the Year award at the Asia Artist Awards. It was a monumental occasion—one they had dreamed about since their trainee days. Everyone was brimming with excitement, but as the moment for the big announcement neared, nervousness hung thick in the air. They had just finished their performance and returned to their seats at two tables placed side by side in front of the stage. Hyunjin was seated at the first table, while Felix and Changbin sat together at the second.

When the announcement was finally made—that they had won the Daesang—the entire group erupted in joy. They jumped from their seats, cheering, clapping, and embracing one another in pure exhilaration. Before they could huddle into a group hug, Hyunjin turned around suddenly and pulled Felix into a tight embrace.

“It’s you, Lix. It’s always been you,” Hyunjin whispered, his voice low and full of meaning.

Felix froze, caught off guard by both the words. Confusion flickered in his eyes, but he returned the hug, swept up in the thrill of the moment. As Hyunjin’s words echoed in his mind, Felix didn’t have time to process them fully. Instead, he noticed something else—Changbin’s eyes- full of despair and pain that twisted Felix’s heart. Changbin also heard Hyunjin’s words.

They were soon pulled into a group hug, everyone laughing and congratulating one another, but Felix couldn’t shake the image of Changbin’s tear-filled eyes or the weight of Hyunjin’s words. Even after the excitement of the night died down and they returned to the hotel, those moments lingered in Felix’s mind, tormenting him relentlessly.

No matter how tired he was, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he dealt with this. With determination in his heart, he climbed out of bed, threw on a jacket, and stepped out into the hallway. He needed to talk to Changbin. He needed to clear things up before it festered any further.

Stopping in front of Changbin’s door, Felix took a deep breath and knocked. “Hyung, are you awake? Can I please talk to you?” His voice was quiet but resolute. He would wait as long as it took—this conversation had to happen.

After a few moments, the door opened, and Changbin stood there, looking tired but composed. He didn’t appear angry, but there was a certain heaviness in his expression. Without a word, he stepped aside, letting Felix in. Felix entered quietly, noting the dim light and the silence that filled the room. Changbin sat down at the edge of the bed, waiting for Felix to speak first.

“Hyung, I…” Felix began, struggling to find the right words. “About earlier… it’s not what you think.” He rubbed his hands together nervously, his voice filled with urgency. “Hyunjin and I… we… there really is nothing going on between us. Please believe me.”

Changbin’s gaze was steady, his tone calm but direct. “You don’t love him?”

Felix opened his mouth to deny it, but he couldn’t lie. Not to Changbin. Not anymore.

“I do.” His voice cracked, the weight of the confession almost too much to bear. “I’ve been in love with him for so long that it physically hurts to keep it in. But I’ve never told him. I’ve never acted on it, and I never will. I could never come between you two, hyung. You have to believe me. I would never want to hurt you.” Tears welled up in Felix’s eyes, and he quickly wiped them away, overwhelmed by guilt and fear.

Changbin looked at him for a long moment, then sighed. “Stop crying, Felix.” His voice softened. “You don’t have to explain anymore.”

“But—”

“Lix, listen to me. Hyunjin and I… we already broke up. It’s been over for months now.”

Felix blinked, stunned by the revelation. “You… broke up?”

Changbin nodded. “Yeah. And before you start crying again, no, it wasn’t because of you. I’d been thinking about it for a while. Honestly, I got tired of being dragged to art galleries all the time.” He attempted a weak joke, earning a small chuckle from Felix. “And look, if you and Hyunjin ever decide to get together, I won’t hold it against either of you. You’ve got my blessing, okay?”

Felix could see the pain Changbin was trying to hide behind his smile. He wasn’t angry—just hurt, and trying his best to be supportive.

“Binnie hyung… you know I love you, right?” Felix said softly, kneeling beside him.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Changbin waved him off playfully. “Go shower that love on someone who needs it now. And let me sleep. It’s been a long night.”

Felix talked to Changbin for a while before he stood up, a mix of emotions swirling inside him. Relief, gratitude, confusion… it was all too much for him to handle in one night. He hadn’t expected things to turn out like this, but he was grateful that Changbin understood. Still, there was one question left unanswered—Hyunjin’s words. What did they mean?

Even though Changbin had assured him that their breakup had nothing to do with him, Felix knew that wasn’t the case. And he couldn’t help but wonder why Hyunjin hadn’t told him about it. They had grown so close over the past year—inseparable, really. If anyone should have known, it should have been Felix.

Felix walked back to his room, heart racing with a strange mix of relief and confusion. He had dreaded this confrontation, fearing it would cost him one of the most important friendships in his life. But instead, Changbin had joked, reassured him, and made it clear that he didn’t blame Felix for anything. The warmth of Changbin’s words had comforted him, but beneath that playful exterior, Felix had seen the lingering sadness in his hyung’s eyes. Changbin might have brushed it off with humor, but Felix knew it wasn’t easy for him. 

He sat on his bed, head spinning. He had spent so long burying his feelings, convincing himself that nothing could ever happen between him and Hyunjin, that he never allowed himself to imagine a different reality. But now, everything had changed. Changbin had given him his blessing, and Hyunjin had all but confessed. 

Was it even a confession?

He had seen Hyunjin smile and hug him countless times before, but tonight, there had been something different in his eyes—something Felix hadn’t dared to believe was real.

Could he really allow himself to dream of something more? Could he really hope for a future with Hyunjin? And most importantly, was that what Hyunjin wanted too?

Unable to sleep, Felix paced the room, his heart filled with uncertainty. He had to talk to Hyunjin.

Chapter Text

“Hyunjin-ah, who do you want to see standing next to you when all your dreams come true?” Changbin’s voice was casual, almost too casual, as he asked the question. They were seated across from each other at the dining table in their dorm, finishing dinner after a long day of schedules. At first, Hyunjin didn’t think much of it, assuming it was just another one of Changbin’s random musings, but something about the weight behind the words made him pause.

“Huh? What sort of a question is that?” Hyunjin laughed awkwardly, hoping to brush off the growing tension in the air.

Changbin didn’t smile. He put his empty bowl aside, eyes focused but calm. “Think about it. Anytime something good or bad happens to you, who do you want to be with to share that moment?”

The question lingered in the silence that followed. Hyunjin pouted, unsure how to respond. Changbin wasn’t joking, and the seriousness in his voice made Hyunjin shift uncomfortably in his seat. He’d never really thought about such a thing before. In his mind, every meaningful moment—good or bad—had always involved the people he was closest to: his bandmates. Birthdays, Christmases, New Year’s celebrations… they had always been together, their lives tightly woven by shared dreams and hardships.

He glanced at Changbin, who was now leaning back slightly, waiting for an answer Hyunjin couldn’t seem to find. He started thinking more deeply, closing his eyes, and trying to picture someone specific. His mind immediately brought up two people: Changbin… and Felix.

Felix.

Hyunjin felt a strange jolt in his chest as he thought about him. Felix had become the person he turned to most often in the past year. It wasn’t something he had consciously decided—it had just happened. He realized now that Felix was the one he always sought out when he needed comfort or someone to share his happiness with. He loved spending time with him, whether it was during late-night conversations, dance practices, or silly livestreams. Felix made him feel safe in a way he didn’t entirely understand.

Hyunjin swallowed hard, feeling his pulse quicken. He looked back at Changbin, who watched him quietly, almost knowingly.

“If it’s taking you this long to answer, then it obviously isn’t me, right?” Changbin’s voice was quiet, but there was a hint of resignation in it. He got up from the table, his expression carefully composed, as if bracing himself for something painful.

“Hyung…” Hyunjin’s voice was barely a whisper, his heart tightening in his chest. He started fiddling with his chopsticks nervously, unsure of what to say.

“It’s fine if you don’t tell me,” Changbin continued, his tone surprisingly gentle. “But I hope you have the courage to let that person know what he means to you.”

Hyunjin’s eyes welled up with tears. He tried to blink them away, but it was no use. “Hyung…” he called out again.

Changbin gave him a weak smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and walked away toward his room. Hyunjin remained seated, frozen in place. That moment, though unspoken, felt like the end. Their three-year relationship had unraveled in the span of a few minutes, ending as quietly as it had begun.

That night, Hyunjin cried until he couldn’t anymore, the guilt crushing him from all sides. He hated himself—not for falling out of love with Changbin, but for never truly being in love with him in the way Changbin had been with him. Their relationship had always felt… comfortable. Safe.

He had loved Changbin, yes, but it was the kind of love born out of deep friendship, not passion. When Changbin had kissed him that first time years ago, Hyunjin hadn’t been surprised. He had known, even back then, that Changbin harbored deeper feelings for him hidden beneath his casual flirting. And he hadn’t wanted to hurt him. So he went along with it, thinking he could learn to love him the same way. He was content with the attention and affection Changbin showered him with. And for a while, it had worked. He had been happy.

Until Felix. Felix touched his heart in a way no one had been able to before.

Felix had changed everything.

At first, it was subtle. They had always been close since their trainee days, but over time, something shifted. Hyunjin found himself seeking Felix out more and more, drawn to his warmth, his laughter, and the quiet understanding that always seemed to pass between them without words. Felix had a way of making him feel seen, truly seen, in a way that left Hyunjin both exhilarated and terrified.

By the time he realized how deeply he had fallen for Felix, it was too late. He was trapped between two worlds—the comfort of what he had with Changbin and the frightening, uncertain feelings he now had for Felix. He hated himself for it. Hated that he couldn’t control his heart.

He had tried to suppress it, to hold on to what he had with Changbin, but the harder he tried, the more strained their relationship became. Changbin deserved better than that. He deserved someone who loved him fully, the way Felix unknowingly occupied every corner of Hyunjin’s heart.

And now, it was over. Changbin had let him go without a fight, without anger—only quiet acceptance.

Even months after their breakup, Hyunjin hadn’t found the courage to confess his feelings to Felix. How could he? He felt unworthy, burdened by guilt for the way things had ended with Changbin. He didn’t deserve to be happy. Not when he had hurt someone as kind and loyal as Changbin.

On the surface, nothing had changed. He and Changbin were still close. They were still roommates, still shared meals and laughed together. But there was an unspoken distance between them now, a gap that hadn’t been there before.

And with Felix, everything remained the same. They were still best friends, still spent most of their time together. Felix was as bright and warm as ever, unaware of the storm raging in Hyunjin’s heart.

But every time Hyunjin looked at him, every time Felix smiled at him or touched his arm in that casual, friendly way, Hyunjin felt his heart ache with longing. He wanted so badly to tell him, to let him know how much he meant to him. But he couldn’t. Not yet.

Maybe one day, when he no longer felt weighed down by guilt, when he finally found the courage Changbin had spoken of, he would tell Felix the truth.

Until then, he would keep his feelings hidden, hoping that Felix might one day see what Hyunjin himself had only recently realized—that Felix was the person he wanted standing beside him, through all the good and bad, when all his dreams came true.

Hyunjin hadn’t planned the confession—if it could even be called a confession that is. It had happened in the heat of the moment when emotions were running high. That night at the awards show, the rush of adrenaline and the joy of their win had taken over. When he turned and saw Felix, smiling brighter than anyone else in the room, something in him clicked. The memory of Changbin’s words from months ago echoed in his mind: “Anytime something good or even bad happens to you, who do you want to be with to share that moment?” And before he knew it, he had blurted out that he needed Felix by his side—always.

The euphoria of the moment faded quickly, replaced by a gnawing anxiety. What had he done? What did Felix think? Was that… a confession? Hyunjin replayed the scene in his head countless times that night, each replay making him more uncertain. Sure, Felix had smiled and laughed with him afterward, but did he really understand the depth of Hyunjin’s words? Did he feel the same way?

I probably just confused him even more, Hyunjin thought bitterly.

The days that followed were unbearable. He kept trying to find the right moment to bring it up—to explain himself, to gauge Felix’s feelings—but every time Felix approached the topic, Hyunjin pulled away, afraid of what he might hear. He hated himself for it. He knew he was being a coward again, just like he had been with Changbin. He didn’t want to lose Felix, but his fear of ruining their friendship kept holding him back.

And now, weeks had turned into a month, and Hyunjin was trapped in a limbo of his own making. The guilt of hurting Felix ate away at him day by day, but the fear of rejection kept him silent. Until tonight.

Tonight, something had snapped inside him. He couldn’t live like this anymore—tortured by uncertainty and weighed down by his own cowardice. He needed to talk to Felix, even if it meant risking everything. So, late that night, he found himself standing outside Felix’s dorm, gathering the last bits of his courage. But just as he was about to knock, he heard Felix’s voice through the door. He was live-streaming on TikTok.

Perfect timing, Hyunjin thought with a bitter chuckle. Still, he didn’t leave. Instead, he entered the room quietly, and Felix welcomed him with that familiar, bright smile. Hyunjin couldn’t help but relax a little. Without thinking too much, he joined Felix on the couch, letting the live distract him from the turmoil in his heart.

For an hour, they laughed, joked, and interacted with fans, with Felix comfortably sitting between Hyunjin’s legs, his back resting against Hyunjin’s chest and hand wrapped around his knees. It was nerve-wracking for Hyunjin, feeling Felix’s warmth so close, yet it was the calmest he had felt in weeks. For a brief moment, he allowed himself to enjoy it—this closeness, this comfort—knowing it might be the last time.

When they finally ended the live, Hyunjin knew he couldn’t delay things any longer. As Felix moved to get up, Hyunjin instinctively pulled him back, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. He felt Felix stiffen slightly in surprise.

“Yongbok-ah, can we just… stay like this for a while?” Hyunjin’s voice was quiet, almost trembling, as he rested his chin on Felix’s shoulder.

Felix didn’t move. “Jinnie, what’s wrong?” he asked, concern evident in his tone.

“Nothing. Everything’s good now,” Hyunjin murmured, closing his eyes and inhaling the faint scent of Felix’s cologne. Being this close to him felt right, like everything he had been missing suddenly clicked into place.

“I don’t understand,” Felix pressed gently. “Why did you come here tonight?”

“I came to talk to you, but… we don’t have to. This is good. I like being like this with you,” Hyunjin admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. He didn’t care anymore about hiding his feelings. Felix was the center of his world, and he was tired of pretending otherwise.

They stayed like that for a moment—quiet, close, and content—until Hyunjin felt something wet on his hands. His eyes flew open in alarm, and he realized Felix was crying, tears dripping onto his hands below.

“Yongbok-ah, am I making you uncomfortable? Why are you crying?” Hyunjin panicked, loosening his hold and beginning to pull away.

But Felix quickly grabbed his hand, holding it in place. “You’re not making me uncomfortable… you’re just confusing me,” Felix choked out between sobs.

Hyunjin’s heart broke at the sight. He had caused this. His indecision, his cowardice—it had hurt Felix more than he could ever have imagined.

“Please don’t cry, Felix. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” Hyunjin pleaded, his voice thick with emotion.

Felix wiped his eyes, sniffling softly. “And?”

Hyunjin blinked, confused. “Huh?”

“You’re just apologizing? You don’t have anything else to say to me?” Felix asked, his voice trembling but firm.

Hyunjin’s heart pounded in his chest, fear gripping him once more. But then he saw the way Felix looked at him—expectant, hopeful, scared—and he knew he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“I meant what I said,” Hyunjin confessed quietly. “That night at the award show. It’s always been you, Lix. It’s you I want in my life. Now and forever.”

Felix stared at him, his heart racing. He had dreamed of this moment, but hearing it now felt almost unreal. “But why now? Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Why didn’t you tell me that you and Changbin hyung broke up?”

Hyunjin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I was scared. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t know if you felt the same. I thought… maybe it was better if I kept it to myself. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop loving you. And tonight, being with you, listening to the songs you picked for me, just being close to you… I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

Felix felt tears well up again, but this time they were different—tears of relief, of hope. He turned fully to face Hyunjin, their faces inches apart.

Felix’s tears flowed freely as soon as he met Hyunjin’s gaze, but his expression softened. “I’ve been trying so hard to bury my feelings,” he admitted. “At first, I didn’t want to hurt Changbin hyung, and then I thought… maybe you didn’t feel the same. But now… everything feels so confusing.”

Hyunjin reached out, taking Felix’s hand in his own. “I don’t want to confuse you, Bokie. I just want you to know how I feel. You don’t have to say anything now. Just… think about it. Whatever you decide, I’ll respect it.”

Felix stared at their joined hands, his heart pounding. He’d spent so long running from his feelings, but now he didn’t want to run anymore.

“I… I love you, Jinnie,” Felix whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened in surprise before a radiant smile spread across his face. Relief and joy surged through him as he pulled Felix into a tight embrace. “I love you too, my Haengbok,” he whispered, tears streaming down his face.

Felix smiled through his tears, laughing softly at the nickname. “You’re such a menace, Jinnie.”

Hyunjin chuckled, his heart lighter than it had been in months. He pulled back and gently cupped Felix’s face, his thumb brushing away the lingering tears. “Thank you… for loving me.”

Felix leaned into his touch. “Always.”

Hyunjin leaned in, pressing his lips gently against Felix’s. The kiss was soft and tentative, but it spoke of everything they had kept hidden for so long—love, fear, hope, and the promise of a future together.

When they pulled back, Felix rested his forehead against Hyunjin’s, a playful smile on his lips. “So… does this mean I can finally call you mine?”

Hyunjin laughed, feeling lighter than he had in months. “Yeah. I think it does.”

They stayed like that for a while, holding each other tightly as the weight of the past finally lifted. Hyunjin didn’t know what the future held, but for the first time in a long while, he felt truly happy.

And with Felix by his side, he knew he had nothing left to fear. He had finally learned to love and be loved. He had found his way home.