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Fabian’s shudders and sobs awaken Riz who is curled up in his arms, the little spoon as always. Riz turns and looks up at his friend’s face and sees the track of tears streaming from Fabian’s good eye. He’s having a nightmare again.
“Gorgug, please, you must know me! I punched you on your first day at Aguefort! You can’t forget that!” he calls out, fidgeting roughly in bed. His legs kick as he chases after someone who isn’t there.
“Fig, you’re my sister! How can you forget your own brother! It’s Fabian!”
Riz wraps his tail around Fabian’s wrist and squeezes tightly, trying to anchor the half-elf as he mutters and thrashes under the sheets.
“Shhh, Fabian, it’s ok. You exist. It’s not true,” Riz says in a hushed tone. He reaches up and gently strokes Fabian’s cheek, trying to wake him, but Fabian’s in a deep, deep sleep, as he usually is when this happens. Riz hurriedly tries to wake Fabian, fearing what he might next say, but-
“The Ball! It’s me! Your best friend! You have to remember me! You have to… you have to remember… your boyfriend.” his voice cracks with the last word. “Everything we’ve done together. I love you… you love me… please, Riz… Riz… don’t leave me, too…” And Fabian shakes with his sobs.
Riz cringes to hear Fabian believe that even he’s forgotten him. It’s never true, but to hear Fabian break down each time he reaches that stage breaks Riz’s heart.
“Fabian, Fabes! I’m here! I haven’t forgotten you! I never will!” Riz says, voice still hushed but more strained. He wants to shout, to shake Fabian, but he knows that it would just have the opposite effect with his night terrors. So he bites his lip and calmly speaks to his boyfriend, gently strokes his cheek and arm and hopes it ends soon.
“Shhhhh. It’s ok,” Riz repeats, over and over, until finally Fabian stops shaking and his sobs diminish into whimpers. He squeezes his arm with his tail once more and Fabian’s eyelid flutters as he begins to awaken, the night terror over.
Fabian never remembers them when he wakes up, of course. Tonight is no different when he opens his eye and Riz is looking up at him, his yellow eyes wide and wet, his nose twitching nervously and his face a mask of concern.
“...What was it about this time?” Fabian whispers, his voice hoarse.
“You didn’t exist. We had all forgotten you.”
“Oh…” Fabian rolls over in the bed, onto his back. “Oh,” he repeats.
Riz clings to his chest. “I won’t ever forget you, and I don’t think I forgot you in the forest. Remember? I ran away before you lit the duskmoss. And I saw you when Baron showed me all those visions of other people. You were there. I couldn’t have forgotten you.”
“Yeah…” Fabian says, though he doesn't sound convinced. It’s always like this after a night terror; Riz trying to convince Fabian that it’s not real, and Fabian having no idea what to think as he can't recall the nightmares. Riz lays down next to Fabian and puts his head on his chest. He begins to purr, doing his best to soothe Fabian, who is appearing more and more frazzled as he tries unsuccessfully to recall why he was sobbing and why his voice is shot from crying out. He always feels numb and empty after a terror, haunted by the inability to recollect what’s happened.
“Thanks for being there for me. Again,” Fabian says finally, and he strokes Riz’s hair.
“Any time. But tomorrow we’re going to have to talk about what’s stressing you out.”
“Yeah, alright. Fair enough.” Fabian runs his free hand across his face and groans. “I’m all sweaty. I’d better go take a shower, I think.
“Ok. I’ll be here.”
Fabian leaves the room and Riz pulls out his crystal. He opens up a hidden document and writes down how long Fabian had his terrors for and what they were about. He details it all and keeps it to himself. Someday, maybe, Fabian will go get help. Probably around the same time Riz finally admits that he needs help for his own personal reasons and reaches out, so that is to say ‘never.’ But he has the information available in case Fabian wants to know. And only for Fabian.
The first time Fabian had a night terror, Riz did it all wrong; he tried to force him to wake up, shook him so hard and shouted at him. There were tears. Riz almost called the other Bad Kids, wondering if they could fix Fabian, his finger hovering over the ‘call’ button on his crystal that night. Maybe Gorgug would be strong enough to wake him. Maybe Adaine would know what to do. Maybe a cure from Kristen would fix him, or Fig could play a song on her bass to soothe him. Because Cassandra knew that Riz wasn’t helping at all. But he hesitated because it was a very, very private and vulnerable experience for Fabian, and he didn’t think that Fabian wanted anyone to see this side of him. So he put the crystal down and curled up next to Fabian and purred, unsure of what else might fix his best friend. And it seemed to help, for after a few minutes Fabian stopped whimpering about the giant sexy rat and Chungledown Bim and his breathing evened out… and he was asleep as normal.
The next morning Fabian had no idea what Riz was talking about, having a violent nightmare, but when Riz began quoting the things Fabian said, he turned pale and stopped eating his cereal.
“...I said that? …I… I was being raped, and-” Fabian cut himself off, covering his mouth with his hand. He abruptly stood and ran to the bathroom and Riz could hear the retching. It was then that he felt he made the right choice in not getting the others involved. When Fabian came back to the kitchen and sat down at the small table, he was visibly shaking. “I… I hadn’t thought about that rat in a long time,” he rasped.
“Fabian, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have brought it up!”
“No… no, you did the right thing. I’m glad it was you who was there for me. I just…” He shivered violently. “I wonder why I’m thinking of her now.”
Riz moved his tail to wrap around Fabian’s ankle beneath the table. “It’s alright now. It will never happen; I’ll make sure of it.”
“Thanks, The Ball.”
And that was that. Fabian has the occasional night terror and Riz is there for him, soothing him and then comforting him when he wakes. It’s their secret and theirs alone, trusting only one another. And the next night, after Fabian has some calming tea and does a little meditation before bed, they spoon, Riz -as always - balled up in Fabian’s arms, and they sleep. The night is peaceful.