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‘Why’d you do it?
‘Do what?’ Hermann mumbles, half awake.
‘Why did you get involved in the jaeger project?’ Newt turns on his side to look at his husband, sleepy in the golden light of a Sunday morning some twenty years or so from K-Day.
‘I should like to be significantly more awake before you ask any questions that require any more than grunting on my part. ‘
‘You gonna tell me if I make you some coffee, Captain Caveman?’
‘Leave me be, you awful beast.. ‘
‘No but like, I was just thinking-’
‘There's a first time for everything.’ Hermann interjects, rolling onto his side.
‘I was just thinking-’ Newt persists ‘Like, I just wanted to get closer to the Kaijuu. I mean, where was I ever gonna get that sort of opportunity? They were so cool, and I could actually be in their guts, in their skin, in their brains-’
Hermann opens one eye, and blearily fixes Newton with a look that suggests he get to the point a little more quickly.
‘Okay, okay, coffee first..’
He returns ten minutes later with two steaming mugs, and Hermann is sat up in bed, putting his glasses on.
‘Thank you, liebchen. Now, you were saying?’
‘Why did you join the jaeger programme? And once stuff got bad, once you needed to like, drift with the kaijuu brain, or once we thought maybe we weren't gonna make it, why didn't you tell me to get lost? I mean you really could've taken the money and run, made out like a bandit. And then you carried on working through the PPDC, even when I'd gone, even when I was working for Shao and…y’know’. It still hurts to talk about, like an invisible hand is twisting his guts tighter and tighter. Hermann lays a hand on his, squeezing his fingers.
‘Well, that one was easy. Two main reasons really..’ He takes a sip of his coffee.
‘Yeah?’ Newt perches on the edge of the bed, cautious of Hermann's leg, which always aches before he has had the opportunity to stretch.
‘Well firstly, I knew I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. If I'd survived, that is. The guilt would have consumed me. So, I suppose I believed I was doing the right thing by staying. And the second, and more important reason, in my view, was for you.’
‘Yeah but like, you didn't know that then. You didn't know how you felt about me back then, right? During the Hong Kong attacks?’
‘Who says I didn't?’
‘Seriously, man? Then? Well, you sure were quiet about it, I figured you hated me’
‘I've never hated you. Sometimes you irritated me to the degree that I wanted to feed you to a Kaijuu myself. But no, I never have. I was never any good at explaining how I felt. And by the time I knew, and couldn't bear not telling you, I thought I had lost you for good. I loved you. Even back then.’
Newt is looking at their joined hands, thoughtful for a moment.
‘I loved you too.’
Hermann shifts, putting his coffee cup down to reach out his arms to his husband. Even now, still dressed in dinosaur boxers and an ancient Rush t-shirt, he's perfect. They both have more than a peppering of grey, and are a bit softer and squishier around the middle. But Newt's never lost that mad twinkle in his eye, and has never gained the ability to shut up, not even for a second. He loves that, too.
Newt settles into the offered embrace probably too quickly, burying his face his shoulder to breathe in the soap-and-toothpaste clean smell of him.
‘I know you did, liebchen. I'm sorry it took us so long.’