Work Text:
John Doe was not having a good day. As an FBI agent, he had a very cushy government job that gave him a very nice salary. This allowed his wife to stay home and be a stay-at-home wife and raise their two kids. He's pretty sure their names were Jamie and... Judy maybe? He didn't remember. Hell, He didn't remember his wife's name but calling her dear or hun worked fine so it wasn't a big deal. His job was simple. All he had to do was monitor a girl named Emma Brown's internet activity. Which meant he spent his job just watching whatever the hell she decided she wanted to spend the next six hours watching on TikTok. Supposedly the girl has a job at a bank but with how much time she spends on TikTok he's surprised. With how much time she spends on it he's surprised her job isn't to just spend time watching TikToks.
The reason For John's bad was that the stupid girl decided to make a RedNote account and WILLINGLY GIVE HER DATA TO THE CHINESE!!! How stupid could this girl be?! The Chinese spy on their people and monitor what they do online and she just wants to hand over her data just like that!! Doesn't she know that with TikTok being banned she's supposed to go to a good old American app like Facebook or X? But no now he has to share with some stupid Chinese government agent.
"You know she doesn't need both of us to watch her," The Chinese agent, he was pretty sure his name was Wu something, said looking pointedly at him.
"She's an American citizen and I need to make sure you communists won't do anything!" John protested.
"If I recall she was the one who made a RedNote account and agreed to the terms," Wu said casually.
John scowled but said nothing.
"You know I have an idea. instead of both of us watching her how about you watch her for one week and then I watch her the next. That gives us a week to do something else that isn't watching this girl look at anime edits." Wu proposed.
It was a decent idea as without his boss knowing he would have a week off work to do whatever the hell he wanted. However, the arrangement sounded like...
"You want a custody arrangement to spy on her?!" He asked incredulously.
"When you put it like that it sounds stupid"
"It is stupid!" John yelled at the man.
"You really want to spend the next four hours watching anime edits over and over again today?" Wu asked.
John really didn't but it was the principle of the matter he would not give into commun-
"I'll give you $100"
"Sold!"
Wuming Shi smiled as the annoying American finally left. At least the rumor of the government officials being easy to bribe was true. It made him wonder what else he could learn from this American Agent.