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Having his ex and his new romantic interest have the same name complicates many things for Harua. No matter how many times he tells himself that they are two totally different people, his neurons panic when Riki's name is mentioned.
His ex, Taki had been an expert manipulator, between caresses, hugs and many jokes he managed to convince Harua to fulfill his whims. When he fulfilled the last one, he abandoned him.
One day in February of last year:
- Harua, have you already decided which university you are going to study at? - Taki asks while tangling his fingers in the older man's hair.
- I'm preparing to go to Seoul National University- he answered with his eyes closed, enjoying the contact of his head resting on his lap.
- Are you crazy? I thought you had decided to go with me to the same one
- My parents want me to study there.
- Your parents this, your parents that, always them first, can you think of me? - Taki pulled Harua's hair strongly so that he would look him in the eyes, an act that would cause him a migraine for 3 days.
So he did it, he defied his parents and did not take the last admission test, but then Taki showed him his results, he had secretly taken the test and had been accepted.
In the present
- Earth calling Harua- Maki claps to get him out of his trance- I'll go buy ice cream at the cafeteria, what flavor do you want?
- Ah... eh... Whatever you want, I want whatever you want. He smiles shyly in front of the younger who looks at him with a frown.
Then he sighs- No Rua, you always say the same thing, it's not what I want, you have the right to choose. Maki is the most understanding man he has ever met, how is someone like him allowed to have a prince charming by his side?
- Today I want to choose what you choose, next time I'll think of a flavor. The younger one seems to be unconvinced by the answer, but he nods anyway and walks out the door of their shared bedroom.
When his parents found out that their son wasn't accepted to college and a beast had broken his heart, they decided to send him to study in Germany. He wasn't good at English, he didn't know a word of German but he was willing to forget Japanese so he wouldn't remember all of his ex's words the day he left him.
On the first day of induction he met a mixed boy, it was a great help for him to have someone who knew Japanese and could translate what was said around him that wasn't in English. Although they spent the whole day together, they never asked each other's names, nor did they exchange numbers.
Harua was scared of not knowing how to survive the second day without that cute boy he met the day before. Sitting in the left corner of the classroom, he saw him enter, his eyes lit up with joy and hope, then their eyes met, the click was instantaneous and he quickly went to the empty seat next to Harua.
- Hello, we didn't introduce ourselves yesterday, I'm Shigeta Harua born 05 and you? - he thought about shaking his hand, but remembered that they were both Japanese, so he just leaned a little.
- Nice name Harua, I'm born 06, can we talk informally right? - Harua opens his eyes surprised while smiling, the cool boy was younger than him - I'm Hirota Riki, but you can call me Maki. Then his smile and spirits fall.
Great, not only do they have the same name but their nicknames are similar, what karma will I be paying for?
Present
When Maki comes back from the cafeteria, he finds the older boy in the same position he had seen him 20 minutes ago, he was sitting on the floor, he seemed so ethereal with shorts and a giant t-shirt that he had lent him, so big that the collar of the shirt fell over his right shoulder, he was barefoot and surrounded by several documents, mostly decrees, sentences and dictionaries in English, German and Japanese. However, he was not holding any of those papers in his hands, Harua was staring at the wall in front of him, he was not really looking at it, he was just wandering in his mind disconnected from reality, he did not even realize that the other boy had already returned until he hugged him from behind and left a soft kiss on his neck that scared him by the surprising presence.
- I don't think you can memorize all those laws by staring at the wall, it's blank.
- You scared me- he complains while giving him a soft punch on the heavily worked arm- why didn't you tell me that you had returned?
- I did, but you didn't listen to me- he excuses himself while lying down on the papers- am I less interesting than a wall?
- You're going to damage my study material. Harua points at the mess he's making
- I'll reprint everything I damaged if you let me hug you for the next 24 hours. Then he pulls it so it falls on his chest.
Summer of last year, Japan
It was Saturday, the sun was so furious that the clouds decided not to work that day for fear of being evaporated. His room smelled strongly of nail polish, Fuma had given him a set of nail polish for his 16th birthday but he used it so little that it was untouched and some bottles had not yet been opened for the first time. He stretched his hands forward and then up to appreciate his work of art: colorful rabbits on each finger. Then his door was abruptly opened.
- Harua, let's go to the- Taki enters and is invaded by the strong smell, wrinkling his face and then turns his face towards the aforementioned- Are you painting your nails again? I hadn't told you since I don't like it.
Harua tries to hide the nail polishes uselessly, in the process ruining the work done. –I didn't think you were going to come to my house today- he excuses himself while lowering his head, avoiding Taki's gaze.
- -Does that mean you do it behind my back? He is angry, what shines in his eyes are not tears, it is acid, acid that is capable of melting and at the same time tensing Harua's body- What else are you hiding from me ? Do you also wear skirts and dresses? Do you wear a wig and makeup?
- -What? No no, why do you accuse me of all that? It's just nail polish- he regrets answering him like that, the dry smile that forms on his lips terrifies him, more than his eyes.
- Honey, I told you that you have nothing to envy Mika, if I wanted to be with her, I could easily go now and ask her, you don't have to compare yourself. The words stab his heart. - Certainly she has better attributes and features than you, but I still decided to be with you. Understood, honey?
- Yes- he limited himself to saying while forcing himself to hold back the tears that were already in his tear ducts.
Harua knew the platonic love that Taki has with Mika, and although he denies it, he always compares him with her, that leads him to lower his self-esteem. But this time it was different, the nail polishes were something of his own, something intimate, the only thing that united him to Fuma who had gone to study in South Korea.
Summer of this year in Germany
This time he made sure to polish his nails on the balcony, that way the smell wouldn't permeate the room, even though Maki's classes end in a few hours, he didn't want to leave any trace of the scent, he was also going out to a night fair, so he wouldn't see the younger until he was asleep in the early morning.
He had already finished polishing the right one to perfection (advantages of being ambidextrous) when the sliding door to the balcony was opened. He froze, it was Maki, his gaze was indecipherable, he didn't have time to hide his hands when the younger spoke:
- So there you were- although his name was Rikki, he didn't look at him with that expression of contempt with which his brain associated that name a hundred times.
- What are you doing here? Weren't you in class? - he asked nervously, all he had to do was divert the conversation
- The teacher said he had something urgent to do, according to what we heard on the call, his wife was being unfaithful to him with his best friend. Harua laughed, although his heart was in a marathon.- I wanted to come see you, you don't have classes on Thursday afternoons, right?
- Yes, that's true.
- You should come in, it's really hot out here. Then he tenses up again, remembering what he was doing.
- I.. uh..- he takes a deep breath before confessing- I was painting my nails and I didn't want the smell to stay in the room, I didn't want to bother you. The last thing he said in a low voice but loud enough to be heard.
- Bunny, the smell doesn't bother me, it bothers me more that you're sweating and getting dehydrated out there, let's go in, let me help you. As if he were a sack of feathers, he lifts the older boy on his shoulders and takes him to the room
- You know I can walk right?- still shy about the younger boy's action, he wonders where he got the courage to say those words and look him in the eyes.
- You know I know how to cook and yet you make me breakfast every day right?- the younger boy countered, which made him look away while suppressing a smile. – Let me polish your other hand
- Really? Do you know how to do it?
- Sure, I used to do it to my younger sister's nails. He gave him such a big smile that Harua confirmed his feelings even more, he loved this boy.
It took Maki several months to get back that beautiful boy he had met on the first day of induction. Even though they weren't studying the same career, he stole his schedule to look for elective classes they could share. Behind his back, he managed to get the same room. He had lied to him saying it was fate. But the older boy was still distant with him. The room was 4x4 meters but their distance felt like 100 meters. His heart couldn't bear the rejection any longer and one day he confronted him.
Harua saw him arrive at 7 pm from the gym. He was sweaty, tired but his gaze reflected something else. He interpreted it as anger. He shrank in the chair he was in, preparing his defense for whatever he was about to be accused of. Maki walked towards him, ready to shoot.
And he collapsed. Surprised, he saw the younger boy fall to his knees, his tears too.
With his hands and legs on the floor, he rested his jaw on the older boy's thighs, raising his bright gaze to connect with Harua's.
- Please tell me what I did wrong- his voice sounded pleading- tell me what I messed up, I promise to fix it, but please stop pushing me away from you. He was surprised, he had a 1.83.3 cm giant begging him on his legs.
There he realized that he had been hurting a child with his immature actions for a stupid name.
After that, the younger began to brag to his friends how he begged a boy 10 cm shorter than him and thus won his heart. He was proud to have bared his heart to the right boy.
Present.
- Haruaaaa, I brought you all the ice cream flavors from the cafeteria and you still haven't chosen any. They're going to melt- he comes out of his thoughts and sees 7 ice cream cups of different colors next to the German civil code. - You've been rambling all day, if you don't want to study just tell me and I'll clean up this mess for you...
- Maki- interrupts him
- What's wrong, are you okay?
- I love you
- I know baby, I love you more.
- Maki- says again.
- What?- now he looks at him worried.
- Ich liebe dich, Riki
For the first time in 10 months, he said his name
Words are just random sounds that people give coherent meaning in their minds. Now Riki is a word that only makes sense when it comes to his boyfriend, the same man who gives meaning to his life.