Chapter Text
Chief Hunt led her through endless hallways. Grey Sloan Memorial felt like a labyrinth at first glance. Doctor William Patterson followed, tried to keep up with the long strides he took and latched on to every word. Suddenly she felt as though she'd reverted back to intern years, obediently glued to an attending's hips, taking notes until she was sure her hands would fall off. She even taught herself to become ambidextrous. "I'm sure you'll make yourself familiar with the place in no time. This, however, will be your playground." He spoke as he opened the door to the Trauma Center in one swift motion.
As Patterson's eyes scanned the room, watched as the diverse medical staff rushed around, she caught her lips twitching into a smile, silently observing. She was certain Dr. Hunt could read the excitement, written across her features in bold letters, from the way he mirrored her expression. The previous anxiety about her new job as Head of Trauma Surgery was long gone.
Everything came to an abrupt halt when her wandering eyes met another, all too familiar, pair. She wasn't sure if the world around her really faded into distance, if the commotion in the Trauma Center really stopped entirely, if Chief Hunt's voice really turned into nothing but a whisper in the back of her mind. Her eyes squinted, and the man finally noticed where her gaze had shifted to, or rather who she was staring at. "Ah, Dr. Shepherd." He waved her over, disrupting her daze and the brunette surgeon seemed to contemplate, there was hesitation in her movement. Her head turned, as if someone had called her name from another direction and she stumbled back, eyes remaining on the new doctor for another brief moment before she disappeared from view.
Dr. Hunt, next to her, furrowed his brows. "Well," He cleared his throat, "that was Doctor Amelia Shepherd, our Head of Neurosurgery. You'll meet her at the staff meeting later where I'll properly introduce you to all the department heads. His eyes went over the room once more. "Doctor Kepner." He acknowledged the redhead who approached them with a warm smile. "This is Dr. Patterson, you'll be working alongside her," His pager going off interrupted the introduction, but the other doctor just smiled warmly and shook her hand, "April Kepner, it's nice to meet you."
The Chief excused himself and left the women to their work. The morning passed by without complications, a few uncomplicated patients who were easily taken care of. Dr. Kepner and Patterson turned out to be a great team. She was grateful for the busy ER, it kept her thoughts from wandering back to her. Amelia Shepherd had often felt like a vision, something she dreamed up, but couldn't be real. She didn't dwell on those feelings, instead focused on her reaction to seeing her, briefly wondering if she even remembered her. It wouldn't surprise her, it's been years since they'd last seen each other.
Patterson couldn't daydream about her time at Hopkins any longer as April demanded her attention. "Ready for the meeting?" She leaned against the pillar, one hand on her hip as she smiled and watched Patterson disinfect and clean their previous workspace. "You don't have to be nervous." She hated that April was able to pick up on her anxiety. She forgot how easy she was to read, never quite got her face under control enough to hide her emotions or reactions. She discarded her trauma gown, and followed Kepner with a reluctant smile. At least she already knew someone and wouldn't be thrown into a room filled with strangers.
It did still feel a lot like being thrown into a room full of strangers. The fact that she was following April like a lost puppy didn't help but she was almost grateful that nobody seemed to pay her any mind. The attending surgeons of Grey Sloan Memorial were still filtering into the conference room when they sat down, everyone else was in deep conversation. "Ha, I thought the name sounded familiar!" A deep voice cheered, and seconds later she was pulled from her chair, into a hug. The shock wore off when she recognized the person as none other than Derek Shepherd. Another face she knew, this was good. She returned the embrace, chuckling softly. "I didn't know you worked here." She noted. She was starting to feel bad about how little she knew about the people she used to call her friends.
Friends. The words left a strange taste on her tongue, she didn't dare think about it further. "We have to catch up sometime, maybe over dinner?" Patterson nodded then watched as he excused himself and left to sit next to a blonde woman, his hands resting on her shoulder as they chatted. Patterson took her seat again, allowing April to sweep her into casual conversation with another surgeon, who introduced himself as Jackson Avery.
The room fell silent when Dr. Hunt entered the room, alongside Amelia. She gave him one last smile before rushing to her seat next to Derek. The Chief greeted them all, going through his list of things that needed to be discussed — surgeries, general complaints and questions — before all eyes found Patterson. "Doctor Patterson will be taking my place as Head of Trauma while I focus more on my Chief of Surgery duties." He announced, hand motioning to the woman. April signaled for her to stand up and Patterson did, if hesitantly, and looked around the room. "I'm happy to join your team of surgeons and look forward to working with each of you." She forced out, giving a small wave and smile. Her eyes locked with Amelia's again, this time much closer and without the ability to run away. Except she could look away, which she did, forcing her eyes away after lingering for another moment. Patterson sat back down, fingers picking at her nails as she waited for the meeting to be over.
Her first few weeks at Grey Sloan Memorial breezed by. Patterson quickly found her footing in Seattle and at her new place of work. The busy schedule was a welcome excuse to avoid unpacking the various boxes filling her apartment. She took on plenty of hours, felt like she needed to prove herself even though she knew she didn't. The medical staff — nurses, as well as residents and surgeons — accepted her well, and she even made some friends among them.
It was easy to befriend April Kepner. They worked together every day, spent enough time together to slide into it. She was also kind, and invited her out to Joe's bar along with the other attendings. Arizona Robbins was among them often, trying to distract herself from the divorce of her soon to be ex-wife, Callie. She was kind and they had great conversations, she liked her. Patterson was grateful, most of all, that they had taken her under their wing.
Amelia Shepherd occupied her mind more often than she cared to admit. By now she was certain, she was avoiding her every chance she could. It was almost funny how many detours she found around the hospital just to not cross paths with Patterson. Even outside of work it seemed, unless it was pure coincidence, which she doubted. The surgeon accepted Derek's invitation for dinner, went over to his house and maybe it was an attempt to see Amelia, get the chance to speak to her. Maybe it wasn't. However the younger Shepherd wasn't able to attend. ("She's helping Owen out with something." Derek had told her. Patterson hadn't asked, but when they sat around the dinner table with Meredith, his wife, and the empty seat stared back at her, he knew.)
She asked then, when the opportunity arose. The suspicion had lingered in the back of her mind when she kept seeing the two of them together, Owen and Amelia, deep in conversation and smiling at each other, small touches to her elbow or lower back. "Are they together?" She asked, pulling the food off of her fork as she acted nonchalantly. It wasn't like she cared much. Amelia could be with whom she wanted to, there was no valid reason for the tug at her heart whenever the mere idea of her and Chief Hunt wormed its way into her mind. She could think they were no fit for each other but how could she possibly know? Patterson didn't know Amelia, hadn't known her in years. A lot can change in a little over a decade.
Yet she felt relieved when Derek told her that, "No." They weren't going out, just friends. At least that's as far as he was informed. Meredith confirmed it, and so did Arizona and April — they tend to gossip once enough liquor had poured. Even within the hospital itself, word spread fast about anything, that much she had gathered in her short time there.
Patterson decided to push Amelia into the furthest corner of her mind.
The surgical gown was quickly discarded, torn off and tossed away as she rushed out of the OR. She nearly slammed into the entrance door, got lucky no one else was around — visitation time long over, every doctor otherwise occupied, patients asleep. She wanted to scream. Instead she doubled over, hands resting on her knees as sobs wracked through her body. She inhaled sharply, trying to calm her breathing.
The door behind her swung open, and she straightened, sniffing and wiping the snot from her face with the back of her hand. Not her greatest moment, really. "I'll give you a ride home." Amelia. Her laugh was dripping with bitterness, only for a moment though, before it turned back into another sob. "No, I have to tell the family, and my shift isn't over." Her hands are on her hips, she paced, looking at everything but her. It was kind of funny. All this time she had wished Amelia would look at her, give her some kind of attention and now that she was right here, doing just that, she couldn't bear it.
It had been an awful day, long and dreadful, heartbreaking and she hated how much it affected her.
It started out with one of her patients making a return to the hospital after she had just started to get better. It was an elderly woman, who knit her mittens during her stay at Grey Sloan Memorial, gave it to her after she was released. She came back with the same symptoms, Patterson was able to diagnose her this time, but she didn't know if there was anything she could do.
The second, and last, occurence to make her already terrible day even worse happened in the early afternoon. A man in his late thirties was brought in after he overdosed. They pumped his stomach and managed to stabilize him, Patterson stayed by his side to make sure he was out of the woods for good. Amelia would pass by occasionally, Patterson didn't notice. She would check on her, quietly and unnoticed, and she seemed fine until she didn't. He was taken to the OR after his liver failed.
Patterson found Derek in front of the operation room, asking Hunt to let Bailey scrub instead of her, but she insisted. ("He is my patient, Derek.") The look he received as he opened his mouth to argue was enough to make him surrender and back away.
Through some miracle, they managed to get a liver transplant for him. Patterson thought she had saved this man's life until everything went downhill. As they prepared to close, they noticed an infection, which caused the patient to go into septic shock. They couldn't save him. She couldn't save him. She stood over his body, bloodied gloves staring back at her alongside a lifeless body. Minutes later she stormed out of the operating room, and outside into the cold Seattle night.
"I'm sure Owen will understand if you take a day off, I can talk to him." She wished she didn't feel so bitter and angry, she knew Amelia meant well, but something about it irritated her. "I don't need your pity, Dr. Shepherd." She began to walk back inside, but stopped in her tracks. "You don't speak to me, you don't even look at me, you leave the second I enter the room." Patterson choked on her words, the tears that she was keeping in so well earlier were spilling freely down her cheeks.
"I've had a really terrible day and the last thing I need right now is for you to care. Please, just go back to ignoring me." Amelia fought the urge to just walk away, like the other doctor asked her to, but she couldn't, she wouldn't. Instead she stepped closer, wrapped her arms tightly around her and allowed the blonde to break down. Patterson was too weak to fight her, buried her face in brunette hair as she cried and cried. Amelia ran her fingers through her hair, holding her steadily as Patterson allowed herself to let it all out.
When Patterson came to consciousness, roused from her slumber by the events that had taken place. She ran. Without even telling the patients family. Every ounce of sleepiness faded as panic rose within her, causing her chest to tighten. She swung her legs out of the bed but felt herself being pulled back by the shoulders, forcing her into her previous position.
She couldn't recall how she ended up in the bed of an on-call room, head rested on Amelia's leg with her gentle fingers combing through her hair. She knew her tears must have stained the fabric of her scrubs, could feel the wet patch on her cheek. A million things to say raced through her mind, but she couldn't figure out what she wanted to express.
"I have to tell his family, take care of… explain to Chief Hunt, I have to…" She rambled on, Amelia shushed her, lifted her head from its place against the wall, glancing down at her, "Derek took care of it, no one is blaming you, it's fine." Patterson felt a bitter laugh bubble within her. Nothing was fine. She sat up, looking at the brunette. She wanted to be angry with her, scream and fight, but she couldn't find it in herself.
Amelia chewed on the inside of her cheek as she contemplated what to say. "I'll leave if you ask me to, but I can also take you home." She offered and Patterson considered the options carefully. "It depends." She spoke, face inches away from Amelia's.
"Are you going to pretend you don't know me tomorrow?"