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Whenever there was a party with my best friend, he ended up drunk at all of them and it was very normal. Anyone who would go to a party would obviously end up like that.
But something changed at this party; he gave me a kiss. A kiss in which my whole being turned upside down and I felt things for him.
It didn't bother me, but it bothered me that my feelings were dedicated to him, to Hyunjin.
After that day, things were forgotten; Hyunjin acted completely normal. The physical contact between us was the same as always, but it made me feel different, as if I wanted him only for myself
—Do you plan to come with me tomorrow?—he asked. I nodded with a smile.
That long-awaited day arrived, a large crowd of people was in the house. Drinks were lying on a table, there were lights all over the place. Me and Hyunjin looked at the place in awe, but he seemed happier for the party and I just wanted to leave as soon as I stepped foot in this house.
Hours passed, my best friend by now was already drunk, dancing in a corner of the house and I was watching him from the couch along with people eating their mouths off.
In the blink of an eye, a guy stood in front of me. I looked up and could make out my best friend, completely drunk. He gave me a smile and lifted me off the couch.
Confused, I looked at him as he grabbed my hand and danced among the countless people. Our bodies were sweaty and stuck together, but I didn't care. I could hold him close to me without him looking at me funny. His arms went around my waist and he placed his face close to my neck.
I could feel his breath of alcoholic beverage.
He then began to kiss my neck and started to move up to my face. My stomach felt butterflies and my head was a mess, I didn't know if I was too nervous about what was coming or the fact that it was my best friend who was doing this.
He grabbed my chin with his hand and I looked up into his eyes... honest, they were shining with euphoria. I was confused, is he really drunk? And then his belfos impacted with mine, moving with extreme softness and at the same time with great impetus. He bit my lips and I tried to play along.
And that's when I wished for one thing.
"I wish I was sober."
His knees were shaking, he was still trying to stay upright, even though he wasn't in his senses. He turned his lips away from me, his hands moved to mine, and the corners of his mouth lifted, giving me an affable smile. And again I was moved in a place in a place, while the music became minuscule.
I watched as the dipsomaniac grabbed his keys from inside the pockets of his torn jeans.
—Wait, what are you doing?
—Just get in—. His demanding tone made my breaths hitch, but I played it down to ignore his words.
Once in the comfortable seat, he began to put the keys in the Rover. I tried to stop him, but the "Please don't say anything tomorrow" from his lips confused me more. And again I was being caressed by his reddish lips. Melting into them.
The caresses never stopped, he was being too sweet to me. I wished for a moment that it was all real, that it was all sincere, that he wasn't drunk and that he was really in love with me.
I began to hate the idea of being used.
His hands continued to trace my skin as if it were a canvas and he his own brush, looking for some objective in the stroke. The sweet kisses continued to take their own reins and our tongues returned to that endless dance. I tried to remember every detail of the moment, how his elegant scent drifted into my nostrils, his red sweater, Hyunjin's unruly hair, the mole in his eye, his infinite touches, among other things. I knew that after this day I would never be able to see him again, I wanted to cherish him enough.
—Can we go?—His irregular breathing emphasized how excited he was about the situation.
—How do you plan to move? You know you should sleep—I answered trying to be calm.
—Right, you don't know how to drive. We could walk.
—Are you crazy? Just get out of the car, I'm going to call a cab—I turned on my cell phone, pressing the right buttons to do what I had to do.
After a while, still holding Hyunjin. I watched as a black car approached. I opened the door of the car and tried to get the black-haired man in, then I told the address of his house and gave the money to the cab driver.
—Please come—I heard repeatedly from her swollen belfos. Begging me to go to his house.
And that's how I ended up at his house, without his keys that he had forgotten in his own car and trying to get a drunk through the window without hurting himself in the intention.
—If you hadn't forgotten your own house keys, we wouldn't be doing this Hwang dumb Hyunjin. You're 19 years old you stupid bastard—I mumbled.
The man laughed.
I walked into his house, grabbed the black-haired man by the arms trying to carry him on my shoulders with what little strength I had. I helped him up the stairs and put him in his room, then tried to take off his shoes and put him between the sheets. And before I could leave, his hand gripped mine tightly.
—Please don't go.
I felt small again at his words, I hated the fact that I held back knowing that I didn't even have the strength to leave and stop seeing him. I grabbed the heavy fabric of the mattress, uncovering a certain part of the bed. I tossed my shoes kicking off the back of it with the toe of my own foot and climbed into the comfortable bed, feeling the heavy weight lying on my side. His soft hands brushed my skin again, seeking physical contact. He hugged my waist and I could feel his breath mingle and caress the tip of his nose with mine.
That night, the moon and I were the faithful proofs of an unrequited love disguising itself with caresses and skin rubbing.
The next day, I was already leaving the window of his own house. Saying goodbye to this one and still with the desire I had the first time the situation happened, I really wish you were sober. I knew that night had changed the course of my life. I was about to go home, without a best friend and ending it with an unrequited love. Just that.
The rest of the week became nothing more than glances from a distance, even if it was in a class, no matter the situation I would always find him with his gaze on mine even if I tried to hide it. And again every weekend became a routine; partying with him, being kissed by his fluffy lips when I was drunk and escaped to the window of that house. No matter how many times, I always wanted to be kissed by him even if I acted like an immature 25 year old.
Until one weekend all that delusion I had created for myself-despite the fact that we were avoiding each other in class for the simple fact that he was a popular boy and I was just a basic boy-was shattered. His lips were no longer positioned to mine, but to a girl's, and all my feelings that were blooming at every reunion broke just as the moon lost its brightness in the sky, giving me the signal I needed.
This time I escaped from the window without her presence following me. I wanted to be alone and unload on whatever came my way, be it a rock or a can to step on or kick with my feet. I stumbled on the asphalt and let my tears escape.
During the week after that disastrous party, I avoided Hyunjin as best I could. I no longer forced myself at all not to cross him since I ignored him (or so I wanted to believe myself) and yet the black-haired guy was already together with a girl at every break, the same one I had kissed at that party. I felt more broken and lonely than usual, until in a life situation I met a brown-haired guy in the bathroom crying for the same situation as mine and from there we became friends.
Seungmin was his name, he was a nice guy with braces and his hair was shining in broad daylight, showing off his brownish-blondish color-and as nice as he was, he was also someone sensitive. He was in love with Changbin an athlete (and Felix's boyfriend). And between the two of us we made a pact of friendship to count on each other for anything, and even went to parties together even though we didn't feel included in the crowd. We did it to remember our loves and drown our sorrows with anything.
My arm was grabbed with a jerk and Seung looked at me worriedly from a distance. My glass turned over and suddenly I was in a darkened room. I didn't understand the situation at all until I witnessed the manly scent and knew it was Hyunjin's, it was always about him.
—Why are you avoiding me?—he said as soon as we entered the room.
—Let me go Hyunjin—I exclaimed.
—I don't want to, just talk to me about what's going on with you. We're supposed to be best friends and suddenly you don't say a word to me, but you're always here.
—That's the problem Hwang—I couldn't tell his expressions since the dim light didn't help at all—I don't want us to be friends. Sorry, I stand corrected: Best friends.
—Why Jeongin? Is this about a girl?
—Girl who you claim as your girlfriend and you're with her all the time.
—I never told you she was my girlfriend—I raise an eyebrow in confusion. I turn on the light to watch him and Hyunjin quickly turns it off—Don't turn it, I'm ashamed to show my face because of the situation.
—Why Hwang Hyunjin?
—Because I like you Yang Jeongin; if I didn't want to mention about it, it's because I know you won't reciprocate. I'm not the man you're looking for in someone and if I kissed Mina it was because I wanted to know if it was my confusion but, I can't forget you and I was so afraid of ruining our friendship—He dropped the bomb without further ado and I turn on the light again seeing his reddened face.
—Who said you're not the man I'm looking for in someone? Why are you putting words that didn't come out of my mouth? How do you know if you ruin things or not?
—I am not the most mature person you need in your life, you are always in everything with me and maybe what you want in someone who is not a best friend and who shows you off at every break, who shares things with you and looks to you for affection. I am not that person you need, who would want a coward like me—he looked at me with tears.
—I repeat; why do you put words that don't come out of my mouth Hwang? Maybe I do want you to be the person of my life, maybe I do want a coward like you and I would risk everything with you, no matter if things get ruined. That's what friendships are for before a relationship. Maybe you are not mature, but I fell in love with you and how funny you are, how good you always make me feel, your expressions, your dramatism... the dynamic we share is indestructible and I would like to spend all day with you and it will never bother me and if you need space I will always give it to you.
The man looked at me again with tears in his eyes and turned off the light again to pronounce a—: You are not drunk, are you?—to which I shook my head—. Fine, because I want you to remember this.
And he positioned his lips with mine. Everything suddenly felt different; as if our lips were kissing firmly, as if we were missing each other's presence. It wasn't passionate, it was simply a moving kiss, not as quiet, not as effusive. His hands were placed on my jaw, seeking more of my lips and I hugged him around the waist. The noise of the party began to be the least of it and I forgot about the presence of the place, as if we were floating in it, feeling that I was not a prisoner of my feelings. We parted from the air and I went back to his lips to kiss him more passionately.
—I like you very much Yang Jeongin—his confession was music to my ears and I kissed him back.
The rest of the night was a reunion between the moon and the sun, we became that eclipse I longed for. Our skins together, the connection between our lips and little touches resembling each other between our clothes in that room, without the light illuminating us.