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Stu’s eyes slowly opened and his hand hurt. He brought it up to his face and saw that an IV was sticking out of the top. Then he realized he heard beeping sounds. Confusion riddled his mind about how he ended up at a hospital before he saw Nina sitting beside his bed, her arms resting on the edge of his bed as she used them as a pillow while she slept. Oh right, he was with Nina. He moved his hand to rest it on top of her head but withdrew his hand when she startled awake. She quickly lifted her head, eyes darting around before focusing on Stu.
“Stu…,” her lip started to tremble as tears trickled down. Stu wiped them away, but she batted his hand away. “You’re so stupid!”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know. If you knew then you wouldn’t have OD’d. Just, just…,” Nina covered her face with her hands and wept, “I found you dead, Stu! I had to call the paramedics and follow them telling me to perform CPR on you knowing it wouldn’t work!”
Stu listened as Nina spoke and went back to sobbing. He knew that there wasn’t anything that he could say to make her feel better. All in all, he felt numb. How was he supposed to react to being told that he was found dead by his own doing? If he was supposed to feel guilty then he missed that cue. He didn’t regret what he had done and he was going to continue using. It was the only thing that gave him any feeling in this world and It also acted as an escape from remembering that his friends were truly gone.
But he did wish he didn’t drag Nina down with him.
Nina didn’t deserve any of what he had to bring. He wasn’t a good person so he had no idea what she saw in him. He would put it towards her being with him for his fame but nobody would stay at the hospital with him if it was just the status they were after. It could be all the sex that they had, but if he stayed dead then it would be no skin off her back to find another person to replace him with.
“Nina?”
“What?!”
“Do you love me?”
Nina’s sobs immediately stopped as she tried to process the question. It wasn’t the gravity of it that had her thinking it over; it was that it was asked out of nowhere. She moved her hands away from her face, “Why’re you asking me that?”
Stu shrugged his shoulders, “Just thought I’d ask.”
Nina stared at him before her gaze moved to focus on his lips. They were cracked and peeling. She had never focused on if she loved him. She had always told herself that they were friends who fooled around. He had a girlfriend that he even got the name tattooed on himself. That took some devotion that Nina didn’t see Stu having for her. She looked away from his lips and towards his arm, where she saw all the trackmarks. She knew that he was a drug user but maybe it was foolishness on her part for ignoring it (she didn’t ignore it. She had no idea how to stop it). His skin looked so pale under the harsh hospital lights.
“I’m choosing not to answer. Please don’t take that as no, Stu.”
Stu shrugged again, “Don’t worry. I won’t. Just I was wonderin’ why you’re here with me if not out of love.”
“Cause I care about you, Stu! Loving and caring about somebody are not two things that can only be felt at the same time.”
“Oh.”
Stu had never thought that people would care about him. He was just the fun-loving keyboardist for a band that had a silly name. Whenever fans saw him, he was cheerful, always making sure to make them laugh and give them an autograph before departing and going back into his own world. Maybe that was the issue: he was stuck inside his own world and didn’t account for living in others. Sure, Paula was there but he hadn’t seen her since he got back with the band, and she hadn’t sent him any texts, so he was out of her life. Nina always made sure to send him texts, despite the costs that she complained about, and whenever she came to visit, she brought over food that she thought he would like, and she did bring him back to her place to sleep over sometimes.
Their worlds had blended together.
Stu scooted over as much as he could and patted beside him, “Come lay with me, Nina.”
“Doesn’t look like there’s enough room.”
Stu chuckled, “It’ll be fine. If I fall off, then I deserve it.”
Nina warily eyed him before she stood up and got into the bed beside him as she lay on her side, pressing himself as close to him as possible to keep from falling off the edge. Stu put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.
“Sorry, Nina.”
Nina sighed, draping an arm across him, “It’s okay.”
The words faded into the silence that followed. Stu didn’t think it was okay but there was nothing that he could do about it. Nothing he said would fix anything and there wasn’t anything that he could do. Nina was just happy that he was alive but she knew some issues ran deeper that plagued Stu. She hoped that one day he would let her in on them so he wouldn’t have to carry that burden alone but for now, being cramped in a hospital bed beside Stu would do.