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‘He wasn't exactly refined, something of an uncut gemstone.’
The younger woman's smile flashed through her mind, and she didn't seem to have noticed.
‘Yet there was no denying his innocent beauty, flourishing on the stage, the glint hidden under grime and dents peeking through his cat-like eyes.’
Her hands pause, and she takes a breath.
‘Under those lights, no diamond could outshine him.’
And in my eyes, there is no star brighter than you.
She was quite tired at this point, her fingers clicking away as if they had a mind of their own, thoughts drumming along. She felt as though she was floating in the currents of her own mind, shoulders heavy with the weight of the ocean atop her. Everything was blurred besides the words on her monitor, obscured through the saltwater.
‘He moved with the grace of autumn's first fallen petal, yet I felt the power behind his dance like a thunderstorm raging within my chest. I couldn't have fathomed that the man I met[]’
A heavy feeling started to settle in her chest, slowly descending and nestling itself into her belly. She was familiar with it, a sort of bittersweet melancholy that starts with a pang of her beating heart, carving its way down into her abdomen, where it ate away at her like a parasite of affection. She put a pair of brackets after the sentence for now, a marker to return the avenue left unturned in her paragraphs so that she could continue onwards.
‘Today again, his shoes were worn, soles eroded until they were smooth. His body was sore and his feet were bruised, and yet he stood once more.’
Her eyelids were failing her, falling as if her lashes were tied to weights, threatening to pull them down further with each blink. She fought with all the might she could muster to churn out one more word, stay up just a minute longer—but she couldn't win. Her breath began to deepen and slow. Her shoulders slowly fell, hands slipping off the keyboard as her arms followed suit.
Looks like I’ll have to call it a night.
Too exhausted to take even a step, she closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep right on her chair, monitor still open, the faint light causing a hazy glow behind her eyelids. She can deal with the soreness in the morning.
—
She, in fact, could not deal with the soreness in the morning. Her legs stung like a thousand needles were prickling through her skin, her ass was so numb she thought it had somehow run away from her body, her hands were so cold they could barely move, and when she bent her neck—CRACK!
Not even ten thousand glow sticks at an idol concert could rival whatever ghastly sound her neck made, and it hurt like a bitch.
I cannot keep acting like a college student who can pull off these habits…
Although Tsuge wasn’t at all old, she couldn't exactly say she was young either, and the terrible habits her work had baked into her certainly weren't helping.
Gripping the armrests of her chair, she forced herself onto her feet. The ground shifted beneath her as she struggled to balance herself. A long sigh escaped her lungs, and she furrowed her eyebrows. Today already felt like it would be long.
A small purr sounded from below her, soft fur brushing against her ankle.
“Udon…” She bent down to gently post the cat, the feeling of warmth and fluffiness on her fingertips making her smile. “Let's go fatten you up.”
She walked towards the kitchen with Udon following, taking a can of premium cat food from the cupboard. Udon stood on his hind legs, excitedly meowing as he pawed at her leg.
The two ate together, Udon happily chomping away at his preserved tuna whilst Tsuge had a simple bowl of rice and natto—a picture-perfect family scene of the woman and her son. She gazed out from her window, stretching her arms before taking a sip of coffee. The view was of a bright morning with blue, cloudless skies and quick-paced streets. Someone hangs up their laundry on a balcony. Another is having ramen while jotting down notes. Students chat while making their way to a nearby train station. Tsuge had the feeling she was something other in this world, despite being part of its scene. Others moved with the world, while she moved through it. Udon jumped to her lap, settling into a loaf.
So be it, then.
Her joys were small and precious, and she wondered if she’d catch a glimpse of a familiar blonde again.
Later in the evening, she sat back down at her desk, with freshly cracked joints and an inexplicable sense of resolve.
Was it Nietzsche or Shakespeare who said love makes fools of us all?
‘I watched him from afar, through the window of the studio.’
Ping! A small notification buzzed from her phone.
Adachi
That new series was interesting!
Adachi
Has your taste in male leads changed though?
You used to like these mysterious guys
Adachi
But now it's a reformed delinquent tsundere?
Tsuge had to take a moment.
She’s right. Now that she mentions it, he’s way too similar to that delivery woman.
She leaned back, somewhat slumping into her chair.
This can't be. But that would explain some things.
She took an anxious look around her room.
I’m clearly ordering more things.
The pile of unopened boxes seemed to stare back at her, their nonexistent gazes full of judgement.
I feel empty when a different delivery person comes.
Her eyes reeled themselves back, and she could only stare at her own palms.
And when I see her, my heart beats faster.
Is this… love?!
—
‘He caught my eye through the glass, and quickly turned away.’
She choked down her own embarrassment, turning away from her screen as she rubbed her nose bridge. This isn’t the first time she’s resigned to experiencing her love only in writing, yet somehow, she felt the longing whittle away at her body so much more intensely.
‘His hair stuck to his nape, coated in sweat. I wiped the beads away from his forehead as his eyes peered into mine. His face was flushed and glossy, and I felt my own cheeks heating up.’
It was venom clawing against the walls of her throat. It was a chisel hacking away at her ribcage. It was a nausea she could never force out of her mouth.
‘The man was[]’
Tsuge struggled to find the words. She attempted to string together a sentence, anything, at least something —gentle, kind, beautiful, adoring— No, that’s not it— vulnerable, loving— That’s not right either!
A tear fell to her lap.
“Minato…”
Her figure curled in upon itself, a hermit crab retreating into its shell, and her cries were muffled in the dead night.