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The clouds have started to darken as you hear thunder roaring in the distance. Lightning dances in the darkened clouds hanging above your head. The wind has picked up blowing around the trees in which you are stranded in. It’s only a matter of time before the rain begins to pour down from the sky above. You can’t help but wonder if this is the end. If this is the last thing you see before you are torn apart by the titans crawling beneath. You sent a distress signal to the surrounding troops informing them you are in need of assistance, but no one has arrived. Your whole squad has been taken out by titans and abnormals leaving you as the sole survivor. You don’t have much gas left to take on all the titans that swarm beneath waiting to get their hands on you.
Surely if you had enough gas for that you could take them out but you have no way of leaving the forest. Your horse was trampled over by an abnormal that you managed to kill before retreating to the highest parts of the trees. You look down at the last remaining signal flare and load it into the chamber. You wait for your opportunity while the thunder and lightning have settled down. You listen as the thunder has gotten closer and count in between to see how long till the next wave of thunder. You wait for your moment patiently, then it struck. Covering your left ear you raise your right hand towards the sky pulling the trigger. The flare shoots off leaving a trail of purple smoke as it ascends into the darkened sky. There went your only remaining sign of hope. Hopefully the other troops can see it and arrive soon.
You stay on your guard keeping an eye out for abnormals that may manage to climb up the trees. Commander Erwin and Hange informed every soldier it could happen from previous experience in these woods. As time went by you begin to feel little droplets of rain fall from above. As time goes by the droplets begin to get heavier. In a matter of minutes it begins to pour down raining. You begin to lose hope when you suddenly see some of the titans surrounded below you go in a different direction when lightning struck. You look towards the direction they have begun to go but it is hard to see with the heavy rain and darkened sky.
It’s when you hear a wiring sound close by you recognize it is someone here to help. Lightning strikes again illuminating the darkness and you see the titans below begin to fall. You see someone below taking down each titan with incredible speed. “It can’t be” you think to yourself. He was stationed at the front of the line. How could he have gotten here so quickly. Each titan falls as the man below moves quickly to take them out. You want so badly to help but know you will only get in the way.
Lightning strikes again illuminating the forest and you notice all the titans have been killed. You look around in search of him when you see him below. You maneuver your way down to the forest floor.
“Where are the others?!” He yells so you can hear him through the storm.
“Dead! They were taken out by titans!”
“Are you injured?!”
“No I’m not!”
“Do you have enough gas to get back to the others?! They are not far from here!”
“I believe so!”
He doesn’t say much else except to follow him. He maneuvers in a way to save your remaining gas so you do not use to much of it given he doesn’t know how much you have left. It is hard to see but you keep up with the help of the lightning illuminating the sky while also being on the alert for any titans lurking around. When you finally gather back up with everyone else who survived you run out of gas. He tells you to stay up in the trees as he goes and gets more gas from the supplies they managed to bring up with them. He arrives back shortly with another tank of gas and you switch it out.
You ask him how much longer does he think the storm will last and he tells you Hange predicts it will pass by nightfall. You feel a wave of relief to hear it will be over in a couple more hours hopefully. Now is just a waiting game.
It seems as if hours have flown by when the rain begins to slacken as the storm passes through. Titans have gathered once again at the foot of all the trees where the scouts have taken shelter. You and the scouts cannot move your positions just yet. You all must wait for daybreak to head back home. You continue to stay on alert as the storm has now passed and all is calm in the night sky. He hasn’t left your side since coming to your aid. This is your third time going beyond the walls and you have never experienced such horrors before.
To know that’s how he found you, the lone surviver, it’s all his mind must be thinking of. You know what his mind is doing to him right now. Making him think of the “what if” or “this could have happened” scenarios. You walk along the giant branch you both are standing on and place your hand on his shoulder.
“Take a rest captain. I got it from here” you tell him.
“No, you should rest. You’ve had to fight more of them than I have today. I’ll keep a look out.”
Lies. The amount he took out to come to your aid was more than you’ve taken out today. You don’t bother arguing with him and instead listen. You know him seeing you catch up on rest will bring him some inner peace. You walk over and take a seat. As time slowly goes by you begin drifting off.
You’re awoken to the loud sound of a snap and cracking sound then a loud thud below you. You frantically look over the side of the limb you are on and see an abnormal on its back on the forest floor. You look at him and he just tells you it tried climbing the tree but with its weight the lower branches couldn’t support it. You realize you cannot go back to sleep after that. Getting up and walking over to him you once again tell him to rest but he declines. You know he doesn’t sleep much to begin with but he needs to rest after all the titans he took down earlier. Is this how he is on missions normally or is it because you are here. Either way he must be tired.
You hear someone say the sun is beginning to rise. Looking through the forest you see signs of light. Commander Erwin raises his voice when giving command.
“Everyone! We must kill the titans below before we make our journey home! Once the sun has risen to a high enough point we will land our attack!”
Everyone yells in rally of the commander. Everyone patiently awaits for when the commander will give the order to attack. You keep an eye on the sun rising in the distance through the forest. Right when the sun is risen just enough to give everyone a guiding hand commander Erwin gives the order to attack. Everyone set out from the trees above attacking the titans below killing every last one to make sure they can make it home. You managed to take down three of them with the help of other scouts.
The number of titans that gathered and are now dead were plenty. A couple of abnormals and the rest normal. He took out the abnormals with no sweat and a couple others as well. No surprise there. There were no casualties either. Everyone gathers back up at the wagons and horses ready to set out. This hellish mission is finally over. With no advances into getting further to explore commander Erwin called this expedition to an end. Everyone saddles up and gets in the wagons to head back.
On the way back you encountered two titans that posed a threat to you and your comrades. Taking them out is the better choice than outrunning them on horse. Waiting till they got closer for you to attack. Once they were in range you attacked. Slicing the nape of their neck taking them down. You gathered back up with the troops in your party and continued assisting the injured in the wagon. Everyone arrives back to the wall and enters through the gate. There you unload and help the injured since you are a medic. You watch as he leaves with the commander. Most likely to discuss this expedition. After countless hours of helping the wounded you finally get a break. You step out to see nightfall has come. To think you were just surrounded by titans this time yesterday seems surreal. Your attention is caught by the illuminating brightness of the moon. It’s almost full.
A medic comes out from the tent and asks if he can join you. You nod in approval. He takes a seat on the wooden boxes of supplies as you both look up into the night sky. Some time has passed as you both watch the moon rise to the highest point of the night sky. You hear the other medic yawn and tell him he should get some rest. He takes you up on the offer, tells you he will head to bed, and leaves with a goodnight. You continue to sit outside on the boxes just watching the moon when you hear footsteps approach. You let out a sigh.
“I thought you were heading off to be—“ you stop as you look over and see him standing there.
“Levi…I mean captain” you say as you rise to your feet.
“No need to be formal. It is just the two of us. Please, sit back down. I know you must be exhausted.”
You take a seat back in your original spot without taking your eyes off of him. He walks closer and takes a seat right next to you. It’s silent between the two of you. You look at his face for any sign that he is ok but his face just shows concern. You look back up at the night sky, let out a light huff, and try to relax.
“How are you feeling?” He asks with concern in his voice.
“I don’t know how to answer that question just yet, but…I can’t stop hearing it.”
He asks what can’t you stop hearing and you tell him the screams of your fallen comrades. You tell him that’s all you keep hearing when everything goes silent. That it’s all you’re afraid you will continue to hear. The sound of their flesh being torn apart. The sound of their bones breaking by the jaws and pure strength of titans. Their final words being cries for help. Knowing you were only able to help so much but feeling as if you failed them. Tears begin falling down your face as you describe what you’re feeling so you cover your face to hide it from him. You feel him wrap his arms around you and pull you in close to his chest. He stays there letting you get all this sadness, anger, and grief out.
He knows exactly what you are going through right now. He also faced this same exact feeling when he lost the two closest to him, but he is relieved he hasn’t lost you. You are all he has left and he will be damned if he lets anything happen to you.
“When will it stop? The voices. The sounds. All of it. When will it stop?”
“Unfortunately it does not. All you can do is let it fuel you to push forward. All you can do is remember them before what happened. Let it be your source of strength to get back and fight.”
The last word hurt him. “Fight”. He doesn’t want you to fight anymore. He doesn’t want you to go back out there beyond the wall and put your life at risk but he knows you are a medic and soldier of the Scout Regiment and a damn good one at that. He knows deep down you will not stop fighting till you take your final breath and he is terrified of that. Terrified of losing the one he has come to care for so deeply.
You manage to settle down and take in a deep breath letting it out slowly. You feel him leave a kiss on top of your head and it brings you some peace for the moment. You pull away and apologize for being so emotional all of a sudden. He tells you not to apologize for being human. That he doesn’t mind when you show emotion. That he actually likes that part about you. A smile graces your lips and he smiles back at you. He asks if you’ve eaten yet and you tell him no. He stands up and motions for you to follow him. You do so and follow him to the dinning hall.
When you arrive there are a couple people lingering around still eating. The rest of the troops must have called it a night. He tells you to have a seat and he will be right back. You take a seat and await his return. Your mind starts to wonder off and you begin thinking of your comrades again. You cover your ears and tuck your head down trying to ignore it. The screams won’t stop. The sound of flesh being pulled apart won’t stop. The sound of bones breaking and being crushed won’t escape you. No matter how hard you cover your ears it still replays in your mind.
It’s when you feel a hand touch your shoulder your head shoots up and you turn around to see him with a bowl of soup. He can see the distress written all over your face. He tells you to come with him. You follow along and you realize he is taking you to his office. Once there he opens the door and stands to the side for you to walk in. You enter the room and he closes the door behind you locking it behind him. He walks over to his desk placing the bowl of food down. He pulls the chair in front closer and motions for you to come over. You walk over and take a seat. The food looks amazing but you don’t know if you can eat after what you’ve experienced. You just stare at the food with a blank expression on your face.
“I know it’s difficult but I need for you to eat. You need to keep your strength up.”
You comply and pick up the spoon, swirl it around in the soup before bringing the spoon to your lips. You take a bite, chew the vegetables in it, and swallow. Upon seeing you finally eat he settles down in his chair behind his desk. After a while of silence you finish your bowl of soup and place your spoon in the bowl.
“How are you feeling now that you have eaten?” He asks while looking down at documents.
“A little better now. Your company is helping a good bit as well.”
You watch as the slightest smile graces his lips. He tells you that’s what he hoped for. He doesn’t say much as he picks up more documents and continues working. You’ve sat with him plenty of times while he’s worked but for some reason this time is different. Maybe it’s just his presence that is different this time. You wouldn’t say you’ve taken being in his presence like this for granted but after the mission you just had being here, right now, is where you want to be. You watch in silence as he reads over documents and writes down on pieces of paper important information. You don’t dare to disturb him. You cover your mouth and let out a quieted yawn, he noticed. You watch as another smirk graces his lips as he continues to work. You don’t realize but you begin falling in and out of consciousness till you finally fall asleep in the chair.
While sleeping, scenes of your fallen comrades haunt your dreams. You can’t escape it no matter how hard you try. You’re brought out of your nightmarish dream when you jump up flinging your eyes open to see him leaning over you. Your mind is instantly calmed down after seeing Levi’s face.
“What were you dreaming of? You were mumbling in your sleep and started to cry.” He says in a calming hushed tone.
“I was thinking of the others. I didn’t mean to disturb your work, just…when I went to sleep my mind began replaying all that had happened and I couldn’t escape it.”
“You’re safe here. Think back to what I said earlier. Remember them as they were and the fire that keeps you going. Also, I am always here if you need to talk.”
You give him a smile and thank him for everything he is doing to help ease this burden off your shoulders and heart. You ask him how long have you been asleep and he tells you not long. That you could still use more sleep. You tell him you are scared to go to back to sleep. That when you close your eyes that’s all you can see and think of. That seeing what titans can do to someone in person is terrifying. That you helping and working on the injured is completely different than what you witnessed on the expedition.
You watch as he walks away from you and goes to the corner of his office where he has some tea stashed away for long nights in the office doing paper work. You hadn’t notice before but he already had water boiling over the fire. I guess he did that after you fell asleep. You listen as he takes the tea leaves out of the glass jar where he keeps them and places them in the mug. Carefully he pours the hot water over the leaves and gives it a stir. He walks back to you and places the mug in front of you.
“This tea will help calm your mind and relax you enough to fall asleep. Once it cools drink it.”
“…Will it actually work?”
“It helps me when I need it. Hopefully it will do the same for you.”
He’s opened up to you before about his struggles. With the title of being humanities strongest soldier everyone expects so much of him. Especially as captain. He’s told you before he does not regret becoming captain but the title as humanities strongest soldier has weighted heavy on him. He is just a man he once said.
Some time has gone by while you wait for the tea to cool. He is back to his documents as you sit there in silence enjoying his presence. You notice the tea is done cooling. You raise the mug to your lips and take a sip. It has a bitter but sweet after taste. You’ve tasted the teas he’s acquired through out the years but never have you tasted this one. Must be a special one he keeps on hand when he needs it. You feel grateful he has shared this tea with you in your time of need. You finish up the tea and place the mug down on the desk. Your mind is already feeling at ease. You’re not sure if it’s because of the tea or just being here with him. Either way you feel relaxed and at peace.
Peace…is that what your comrades felt once their suffering ended. Your mind begins going to a dark place once more so you shake your head to rid it of any dark thoughts. He noticed and asks if you are alright. You tell him you are with a faint smile on your lips. He doesn’t buy it. You watch as he places the documents down on his desk, lean back in his chair, and asks you what’s on your mind now.
“Levi, I promise I will be ok. The tea will help once it is in my system. Please don’t worry about me. You have so much work here that needs to be done. So please don—“
“How can I not be worried about you? You have become stricken with survivors guilt I know it. I know that feeling all too well.”
“…Will it ever go away?” You ask in a hushed tone.
“It will eventually. It just depends on the person with how long it will last. All you can do is move forward and reflect on the past. Think of them as your motivation to get better and live. You were meant to live.”
“But why me? Why was I the only one to survive? Why couldn’t it be one of the others? WHY ME?!” You begin to cry again covering your face in your hands once more.
You hear his chair scoot against the wooden floor and footsteps approach you. You feel when he throws his arms around your frightened distraught frame and hold you there as you let it out. He brushes the back of your head as he pulls it close to him. It pains him to know you are so stricken with guilt over the fact you have lived and not died like the others. All he can do is hold you in silence as you release what you have been so strongly holding in. You manage to calm down after the silenced comfort he has provided. He doesn’t know what else he can do to ease your mind and make you not think of the incident. Then he has a thought. It’s not outlandish because you both have done it before but maybe this can ease your pain and suffering for a while so you may get some rest tonight.
“What if I fill your mind with just me?”
You lift your head up and look at him puzzled by what he means. He places his hand against your cheek slowly rubbing it with his thumb wiping away your tears. You stare into his eyes and feel somewhat comforted. He slowly leans closer to you, mere inches away from your lips. He hesitates for a moment waiting for you to give a sign he can proceed. You close your eyes and stay silent. He takes this as the go ahead. Leaning in, closing the gap between the two of you, he connects your lips in a sweet kiss. You gently bring your hands to his face holding him there to savor the kiss. Your mind swarms with thoughts of him like he has invaded and made the place his home. All the horrifying thoughts you just had leave your mind as it is filled with nothing but him. The softness of his lips pushed against your own and his embrace comforting you.
He pulls away for just a moment to look at you. Your hands never leaving his face. The look in your eyes gives away you are wanting more. He leans in once more connecting your lips in a more passionate kiss than the one previously. You abandon touching his face and wrap your arm around his neck pulling him in closer never wanting to let go. You continue this for what feels like an eternity when he stops and pulls away. Staring into each others eyes you see and feel his love for you.
“Did that help ease your mind?”
Heat fills your cheeks and you look down to avoid his glaze. “Umm…yes it did. Thank you.”
You hear him let out a soft chuckle and look back up at him to see his eyes have never left your face.
“Levi, thank you. Thank you for everything you do and continue to do. Thank you for always being there for me.”
“It’s what you do for the ones you care so deeply about. Are you ok now?”
“Yes I’m ok now, thank you.”
You let out a yawn and he smiles. Guess the tea he gave you really does relax you and make you sleepy. He leans in for one more kiss before whispering to you to go to sleep. You relax in the chair watching him return back to his chair and get back to work. It’s the last thing you see before closing your eyes and dozing off to sleep. You sleep peacefully through out the night with thoughts of just him and you. Nothing else infiltrates your mind while you are asleep and it is peaceful. You will remember what he has told you about pushing forward and continuing on. It’s what you can do for your fallen comrades and yourself. You can’t have thoughts of doubt anymore. You know when you have your moments though he will be right there to help you get back up…and for that you are grateful.