Chapter Text
Ken stood in front of Paulo's door. In a normal day, he isn't the kind to brood over a lot of things. He usually lets things flow on their own, thinking that there is always a natural way how they should go.
Lately though, there's been a lot. A lot of things to do, schedules to follow, people to meet, and commitments to accomplish. But mostly, there's also been a lot to think about.
It's been four years, he knew. Much more if he counts the trainee days with the four. Little hours of sleep, nonstop extra hard trainings, unappealing routines and with limited food to share. And he admits, there have been countless times when he almost gave up.
But he has his dreams, his what ifs, and he already gambled more than enough to even think of stopping. Especially when he has the four. They were more than trainee mates, co-artists or even friends. If anything, they were his brothers. Not until lately, he noticed a change in his perspective.
It was not a one night realization. He did not wake up feeling a bit different. It was gradual. Changes were minimal. He could not even tell what differed from one day to another. But definitely, he could clearly see a picture of how disparate he is from before.
"Dre, matunaw yan." Josh nudged just right after Paulo exited the dressing room. He did not expect it, he was out fitting his own set of clothes for the sound check and Paulo has been the last one they have styled. But seeing the man now, he could barely think of a word that would describe how he looked.
Moreover, that half ponytail is doing some things on him. When did the hairstylists get this good?
That's when he heard a laugh. It was Stell.
"Oh ano? Tulala na naman yung manok? Ganda no?"
He was still looking at him. He knew Paulo could pull of different hairstyles. The fans has been going gaga over this and he pretty much understands why. Further, he too could barely understand how he survives them without totally falling under his feet.
"Isara mo, dre." Josh jokingly said as he put his palm on his chin, technically closing his mouth. Then, he saw Paulo walking to them.
"Tara na?" He asked, referring to the sound check.
And as he moved out the door, Ken could only stare in awe.
*****
They were not close. Not when they started. He felt intimidated by Paulo's alpha leader-like persona. A lot of times the man can be quite imposing. Being with him meant he has to comply with orders, follow every steps without room for errors and he knew he can only do much. On the other hand, he felt too that Paulo has taken a lot of adjustments to accommodate him. And he did the same, all because of this dream.
They remained civil, for years it seemed that what they did is tolerate one another. Until then, years have shown a bit of problems. Problems relating to the group, the lack of direction, the stress and exhaustion, their individual dilemmas and eveything else in between. And because of that, he and Paulo seemed to have provoked one another.
And there rooted this certain air that he could not eliminate nor even reduce. That fight was the turning point. Well, for him it was. He did realize a lot of things and he knew too that Paulo was the same. And for months, all there was was the undeniable tension between them. And he has to admit, while he seemed not too happy with their leader, Ken somehow noticed the slight changes. For now he can totally admit, he actually missed the man.
While Paulo is a powerful and intimidating presence, he did look forward being with him He did miss the bickers, the arguments, the little pieces of advice whenever he's a bit down. And somehow, this little fear has grown into something else he could no longer recognize.
For some reason, he could finally admit that yes, Ken Suson, the ever stubborn member of SB19 has grown fond of their leader, John Paulo Nase.
*****
Ken could not point exactly when it started. He just noticed, he was more excited in attending practice and rehearsals, eager to meet up with the rest, open and confounding on days he could even barely stand. All because he will get to see Paulo.
And the three did notice. How his stares has been lingering a little too long on Pau's direction. How he always pays attention whenever their leader speaks, how he always shows interest with anything that involves him. And they too started to tease. Paulo though seemed to not notice. That or he didn't care at all. And Ken didn't know which one is worse.
Ken watched in silence as his co-members greeted the crowd. Paulo was walking around, the same as the three but he remained rooted on his spot. Staring. Admiring. And he may have looked a bit stupid, but after Paulo greeted him just earlier, a grin remained plastered on his face.
*****
Ken smiled as he watched Paulo, a little clueless as to what to do to calm the crowd. He has shifted the crowd's attention from him to the leader and their fans seemed to be eager to see the leader's signature move.
Lately, this growing fondness has kept his heart full. And watching Paulo being all cute is not helping him at all. Paying attention now to the crowd, he grabbed Paulo's arm and pulled it to gain the other's attention.
Perhaps it's a bit forward to do this now with an all different context. But it felt right, to be kneeling before him and staring at his soulful eyes. And as he watched his world stop, eyes capturing the man's gaze, he saw him pause. And his heart skipped a beat.
Would it be possible for Paulo to sense this change of air, of how this little fondness has grown into affection without their know?
Smiling for the good of the world, Ken asked. "Ano bang kailangan kong gawin para gawin mo?"
The crowd went into an uproar. And as soon as Paulo realized that he was referring to the move he just did or for him to do something cute for the crowd, Paulo smiled and returned the gaze.
"Anong gusto niyong gawin ni Pablo?" He heard Stell ask. And for this, Ken has an answer of his own.
Fall in love with me, Paulo.
Ken felt Paulo pull him up, just in time to hear the crowd'd request. Still, the feeling remained. There was something in that moment, he knew. And he wanted to keep faith that Paulo felt it too.
"Hotdog dance!" Justin said with after hearing bits from the crowd.
"Hotdog dance. Hotdog dance daw." Stell repeated and without warning, he counted. "5, 6, 7, 8!"
Moving past the moment, Paulo began shaking his body for the signature move and the crowd began screaming. And as Ken watched the little move, his heart screamed its own roars too. The sound reverberating, resonating the words he has deeply kept in his heart. And now, has ginally gained courage to acknowledge.
Looking sideways, he caught Paulo looking at him. And as soon as their gazes met, the man's cheeks flushed an adorable color of pink.
Has that move changed Paulo's mind about him? He wanted to ask. And as he moved closer, a hand tapping the man's arm, he smiled. Hoping that he will get his message across.
Have I possibly won your affection, Paulo?
*****
"Pwede kumatok."
Ken was a bit surprised to find Stell standing beside him.
"Tulala ka na naman, ako na kakatok."
His eyes widened at the statement as he grabbed Stell's knuckles which was about to knock on the door. He was about to give him a warning when the door opened, revealing a worried looking Justin.
"Asan si Pau?" He asked readily. The man then exited the door and closed it behind him.
"Sorry. Pwedeng pabantay siya saglit?"
He was about to ask but Jah quickly explained.
"Nahihilo siya, sinumpong yata ng migraine. Wag mo na lang buksan yung ilaw, baka lalo sumakit ulo nun. Kukuha lang ako ng gamot."
Without even waiting for his response, Justin walked off followed by a smiling Stell. Without much of a choice, and not that he did not want to, Ken entered the room. Sure enough, all lights are turned off except for the lampshade in between two beds. He quite expected Paulo to be on his bed, rather, he was seated on the sofa, head leaning on the back rest of the couch.
Walking silently to the still form, Ken could not tell if the man was already asleep. Nonetheless, he proceeded.
"Jah?"
That did confirm, the man was awake. Paulo thought though that he's still with Justin.
"Pwede ba paabot ng tubig sa may night table?"
The man requested and Ken obliged without saying a word. Seating himself next to a sick Paulo, he pushed the bottled water with its cap off on the latter's hands.
Paulo gulped half its content without opening his eyes and rested his head on the back of the couch once again. Ken was quick in pulling the bottle from the man's hold and Paulo let him.
"Sorry." He heard him say after a bout of silence. "Alam ko pagod ka na. Pwede na ako nito, matulog ka na."
Ken grunted to indicate his response. He saw though how uncomfortable the man is laying in that position. He seemed already half asleep and Ken wanted to give that comfort. Inching closer, he tapped the man's arm and pulled him a bit closer. But even before Ken could make a move, Paulo laid his head on his shoulder.
"Hmmm..."
Ken tried to remain calm but his nerves are on overdrive. He felt him rest his cheek against his chest, feeling the other relax. Pulling the man further, he now rested on his lap. And as he saw Paulo's breaths ease, he found himself saying.
"Jah..."
"Hmmm..."
"About what I said... just don't tell Ken yet, ha?"
"I'll do it.... Gusto ko lang maging sigurado. Gusto ko lang handa ang puso ko."
Have I possibly won your affection too, Paulo?