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Blood drips from my fingers. scarlet stains me as it always did. The way I would murder in cold blood, rip someone with a family apart, their blood was always left behind. I never felt bad, I didn't feel anything most of the time. never even thought about it twice.
But with the tears that fell from him. I felt everything, as I stitched him up. It was a nasty gash, the kind that had people on the floor in seconds. It stretched from his belly button to the bottom of his rib cage. The skin around it smudged in red. The bleeding had subsided from when I found him on the cold ground in Dino's soulless mansion.
I told him not to come with me, to stay home safe. I knew better though, this boy cared too much for his own good.
Look where that landed him.
Above me shaking, his face scrunched up into a painful sob. His tan face a dark red from the non stop tears that ran down his features. His soft neat hair sticking up in all directions. bangs falling onto one of his eyes, matted to his forehead.
I wanted to take him to a hospital, but he wouldn't let me. He argued as he bled, telling me that we need to stay low. Out of sight. I wasn't going to listen to him. I was gonna take him anyway, until he switched from arguing to begging.
Begged me not to. He pleaded with me for him to not be the reason we got caught. Pitifully weeping that he was sorry. He Sobbed as we drove back to the hideout, relentlessly trying to not be a burden.
I remember Eiji's body weight in my lab curled into me like the way lovers die in the movies. In each other's arms. My jacket pressed to his navel, trying to stop the hot liquid that seeped from him. I remember trembling as he whimpered “I'm sorry..” over and over again, hiccupping and tripping over the two simple words. Guilt spilling over his tone as he choked on blood and tears As if his injury was something to be sorry for. Like I would hate him for not being able to hold over in a fight.
‘Why would he think that?’ ‘Why apologize?’ ‘Did I do something to make him believe he was a burden?’
Hotness speeded across my face as I tried so hard to not squeeze him too tight. I don't wanna hurt him more than I already have.
When we got to the hideout the tears didn't stop. Why would they, sewing the wound was gonna hurt a lot more than getting stabbed. Getting stabbed, Bubbling wrath and rage filled him. Fuck I'm gonna find who did this to you. Please Eiji don't cry. I'm gonna rip them apart, give them a fate worse than death. I promise.
A yelp brought me back. He was bleeding more heavily now. My eyes meet the needle. I ran it too deep. My heart races faster than my hand, as I scramble to stop the excessive bleeding. He's violently shuddering now, his arms having a hard time holding him up. “I'm sorry!” I blurted out desperately over his unstable breaths. I stop the bleeding and start to sew the grim rip in his stomach steadily again. He continues to heave in pain. The already thick tears are heavier now as they run down his angelic face.
Angelic, I've ruined him. I hurt him. I'm a monster. I think as my hands start to tremble. The familiar feeling of heat returns to my face, as I try to calm my breaths. I always hurt the ones I love. No matter how many times you try to tell me I'm not the beast everyone believes me to be.
I'm that monster. I'm so sorry my love, I'm so sorry I'm the one you trust. I feel hotness run from my eye, escaping my body. I'm crying. They roll down my throat as I finish off the last stitch. His eyes are closed, relieved to not feel the needle in his stomach anymore. Eiji's tired eyes stay shut as he tries to control his breathing. I decontaminate the scar and stick the bandage on his soft skin. I stand up, I can't feel anything but the burning in my face.
I know I don't deserve it but my body is moving faster than my mind. Before I know it my arms are slung around the sweet boy. This time I squeezed hard. I hug him, I hope he can tell that I'm saying sorry.
I hope he can tell that I want him to stay.
I hope he can tell that he's not a burden.
I want him to keep seeing me for what he believes me to be. And not who I truly am.
His gentle arms reach around my neck. settling them there carefully.
“I'm sorry” he says and there's so much guilt in his voice.