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“Get yourself a good rest, okay?”
“Of course. Good night, Ruka.”
Aoi turned away, walking back towards the dirt path which led through the forest to the temporary base camp they had set up for the night. Though, the moment she stepped away from Ruka, she felt a warmth disappearing from her life in an instant. She felt a longing to stay by it as long as she could. Every second she stood away was a second her pain was replayed over and over again in her mind.
“Ruka–” Aoi started out of the blue, stopping dead in her tracks only a few feet back from where Ruka stood. Said girl turned back to face her with the usual cute blank expression on her face. “I-Is it alright if I make another selfish request of you?”
At this, Ruka immediately grinned and stepped back towards Aoi, which instantly provided the girl with an innate sense of warmth. She grabbed the girl's hand and dragged her back up to their view of the gorgeous night sky, though Aoi was paying attention elsewhere. Ruka looked so cute that no matter how embarrassed she was, Aoi couldn’t stand to look away. “Of course! I have been telling you to be more selfish, glad you’re finally listening to Ruka-sensei!”
“W-well, Ruka-sensei…” Aoi giggled at saying the name. “Is it alright if you stayed here for a bit longer… I know we have the mission and all, I need to get some sleep but… but…” But the second you walked away I couldn’t hear anything else but their screams. That's what you want to say, isn’t it, Aoi Erika?
“Shh!” Ruka pressed a finger to Aoi’s already blushing face. “You don’t have to say anything. I’ll stay with you as long as you need me to be. Besides, there’s plenty more to talk about isn’t there. When I’m with you the time seems to just fade away.”
“Thank you so much, Ruka. Really, it means the world to me.”
“Now then, let’s take a seat,” Ruka started before plopping to the floor in an instant, causing a slight yelp to come out of Aoi. “I’m starting to get tired standing for too long.”
“R-Ruka!” Aoi exclaimed, louder than she should have. “Isn’t it dirty down there?”
Ruka smirked. “Oh please, we’re in the Seraph Squadron, we can handle a little dirt. Now come down and join me before Ruka-chan gets too lonely…”
Aoi pouted, but still heeded the other girl's request and sat down very close to her on the grassy floor. It was… not exactly comfortable, but she didn’t mind too much when it meant she got to be closer to Ruka. “I swear… You’ll never run out of little oddities will you?”
“Whoopsie gravy.” Ruka stuck out her tongue in an adorable fashion. A sight that Aoi couldn’t help but chuckle at, which seemed to please Ruka greatly.
“Hehe, what’s that?” Aoi asked inquisitively.
At this, Ruka seemed even more pleased than before, and more than willing to give an explanation. “Whoopsie gravy! It's a new expression taking Rukaland by storm, you know. It won’t be long till it spreads out over the whole world though, only a matter of time.”
“Hmmm…” Aoi mused. Then, she decided to try it out herself, bringing her hands up in the same fashion and sticking out her tongue just as Ruka did. “W-Whoopsie! W-What was it? Whoopsie gravy? Hehehe…”
Click click. A sound like a camera shutter. Click click. It played again, though this time Aoi was able to determine its source as coming from the woman sitting next to her. Ruka was doing all kinds of exaggerated poses, holding her hands out to replicate the frame of a photo as she made shutter sounds over and over. “So cute… Saving these in my mind forever and ever.”
Aoi blushed bright red. “R-Ruka… That’s…” It wasn’t long before her embarrassment was overtaken by giggling herself, purely amused by Ruka’s tomfoolery.
The next few minutes went by with both of them talking about random things concerning this, that, and the other. Nothing of substance, but something that fueled Aoi’s heart as she felt she was getting closer and closer to Ruka. The two of them hadn’t known each other for long, but they had already become close enough that this sort of conversation flowed as easily as water from a newly fastened tap. Eventually, Aoi managed to work up the courage to ask Ruka what she wanted to say.
“Hey… I need your advice on something.” Aoi looked away, even though tearing her eyes from something as irresistible as Ruka was so hard. “How do you make yourself say something you really want to say, but you're too nervous to.”
Ruka puzzled for a second, making exaggerated hand gestures until she responded a few seconds later. “Well I think it depends on the situation, buuuuuut if you have something you need to say now, I have something for you think about.”
Aoi looked down, fiddling with her hands, blush getting deeper and deeper. “I wanna say it now…”
“Well in that case, think of it like this.” Ruka looked out at the sea of stars which swirled around them overhead. “We’re still on mission, right? Tomorrow, it will all be decided. There's two options, we win, or we lose, that's the line of work we’ve found ourselves in. If we win tomorrow, then whatever you want to say will seem insignificant, it won’t really matter compared to all that we’ve accomplished, so say it without any fear in your heart. And if we lose tomorrow…” Ruka turned back to look at Aoi. “You’ll not want to have any regrets. Not saying we’re not going to do our best but… In our line of work, you don’t always get to say what you want to say. So if you have a chance, take it. That’s my philosophy at least.”
Aoi returned to meet her gaze, feeling warmed up even more staring up into her eyes. “That was really profound, you never fail to surprise me. Very well… Ruka, do you remember when I said I wanted to do scary things after this.”
Ruka perked up slightly. “Hm, like bungee jumping or visiting a haunted house and such. I seem to remember promising to go with you, better not forget to take me.”
“Of course not! I wouldn’t dream of it!” Aoi started brightly, before dropping down as she realized internally where she was going to have to go next. “It’s just… I’ve been thinking… There’s something even scarier that I want to do even more…”
“Even scarier?” Ruka’s eyes lit up. “Do tell.”
“You see…” Aoi started to burn up. Her face got redder and redder as her chest began to thump with multitudes of emotions she couldn’t quite face. “There's… this girl I like. And… There’s all kinds of things I want to do with her.”
“Oh?” Ruka’s eyes opened, a bit of surprise before filtering back to her familiar welcoming smile that always drew Aoi so far in. “If you don’t mind telling me more about her, I’m here to listen.”
“Hmm…” Aoi paused for a minute. “She’s a really really nice person. At first I was just in awe of her, how she pushed past every barrier I put up to really interact with me like nobody ever had. I feel like my squadmates walk on eggshells around me, and in turn, I don't really act like my true self around anyone. But she didn't care, she was so true to me that I had no choice but to be true to her as well. We talked and laughed and cried together so much that it… that it…” She was crying before she even realized. Aoi bit her lip, not knowing if she had the strength to continue, until she felt a warmth on her face that brightened up her world in an instant. Turning her eyes back to Ruka, she noticed the girl smiling at her with those gorgeous eyes of hers, hand gently cupping her cheek. “It… It made me feel human again. Like I… Like the world I had found myself cursed to wasn’t hopeless. It made me want to live, breathe, make friends, shout out the magic of my soul and… and fight to save this world. And more importantly, the people I care about in it.”
Ruka laughed, god her laugh was adorable just like each and every thing about her. “She sounds like a really amazing person, huh? Maybe she and I would get along.”
“I’m sure you and her would–” Aoi found herself speechless mid sentence as Ruka leaned over close to her face. A burning sensation filled her as her mind ran through all the things that might happen next, though that didn't include Ruka lapping up her tears like a kitten with a bowl of milk. “R-Ruka-?!”
The culprit just giggled, though she was blushing a bit from sheer embarrassment. Huh, she guessed even Ruka gets embarrassed too. Sometimes. “Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. Tears get in the way of your pretty face.”
“You're so…” Aoi struggled to come up with the words through her own flustered state. “Ruka. There's nothing else to describe you as.”
“I guess that means I’m one of a kind, hehe.” Ruka giggled again, back to her same old self that never changed. “But wait a minute… that girl you were talking about sounded a lot like me, what’s up with that.”
“Oh, well– It’s funny that you mention it because she is quite like you. She’s always kind, always funny, quite gifted in combat, a great leader, and amazing musical talent– Oh! She even let me join in with her band too, it really… made me feel like I had a home.”
“I’m glad, you deserve all that and more. And well, she sounds just like me really. But that's fine– Not jealous or anything.” Ruka winked. “So, what sort of scary things do you want to do with her, the things you’ve been scared to say. We only have so much time left tonight, if you’re willing to share.”
“You’re right.” Aoi bit her lip. She knew that she was setting up for this, she knew that this is where everything was leading. This is where she wanted to go, the things she wanted to say. And yet, life had a funny way of making it all so scary anyway. Being rejected, pushed away, ridiculed, these things leave someone's mind after a while. But for Aoi, she never knew the joy of forgetting. Everytime she felt hurt by her own risks, she was more withdrawn, remembering each and every failure every time she stepped one foot outside her comfort zone. Yet she knew that no matter what Ruka said, the thing she would regret even more was never telling her at all. “I want to hold her hand in mine. I want to embrace her tightly, feel her warmth. I… I want to kiss her, I’ve never kissed anyone before, but I know I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. And more than anything, I want to tell this girl, who I've barely even known for long– who just walked into my life one day and decided to change it– how I truly feel about her.”
Ruka’s eyes widened, a starry gaze filled them for what seemed like forever. It was already clear to both of them who they were talking about the whole time, but it seemed like the depths of Aoi’s feelings were only sinking in for Ruka just now. She looked to the side, seemingly puzzling through something in her mind, fighting between herself for a moment. Then, out of nowhere, she shook herself out of it and turned back to Aoi full of resolve. “I see. Well, let me see if I can’t help you grant some of your wishes. It’s the least I can do for a girl who means a lot to me too.”
Ruka leaned over, Aoi reflexively pushing herself back in response. A moment later, Ruka picked up her hand and held it in hers, fingers intertwining like each and every thread on a singular rope. She was so warm. That warmth of Ruka’s that lit up Aoi’s life every day for the past few weeks that they had known each other. The warmth of when they were together, and the warmth Aoi felt just thinking about the time they spent together when apart. A moment later it was all overshadowed by a warmth 1000 times more as Ruka wrapped her other hand around Aoi’s back and pulled her in, holding her tight. They were so close, so warm, so perfect.
“I’ve helped you out this far. It’s only fair that you do the last bit yourself.” She winked, then waited patiently for Aoi.
Aoi, for her part, despite every bit of her shaking, so desperately wanted this that no matter of anxiety could stop her. She reached further around Ruka, pulling together until their faces were just a few centimeters apart. Then she closed her eyes, pushed a bit forward, and kissed the woman at the center of her thoughts. Though she only intended for it to be a short kiss, the sensation was more magical than she could have ever imagined it. Something so wonderful that she couldn’t pull herself away from if she wanted to. It became almost desperate, kissing as much as she could, knowing that she might not get another chance for as long as she lived. It was the first time Aoi had been greedy, but she decided to use this sin here and now to have as much of what she wanted as she needed. They continued on for what felt like an eternity, only stopping for gasps of air every few seconds.
Though Aoi was the one doing most of the work, eventually, Ruka was the one to pull away, a thin trail of saliva still connecting their lips. By now, Aoi lay flat against the floor, with Ruka pushed up on top of her. The two of them both panting as they caught their breath. “Well… Aoi, still one more thing. How do you truly feel about h–” Ruka stopped herself and giggled. “How do you truly feel about me?”
Aoi stared deep into her eyes, which were far more beautiful than all the stars in the sky behind her combined. She knew her answer the moment this woman walked into her life, though she never thought she would get the chance to say it.
“I love you.”
Aoi gently cooed, before pulling Ruka back down and pressing their lips together once again.
The painfully gray sky growled deeply as it seemed so uncertain whether or not it was going to rain. It seemed the weather too reflected the general feeling that was spread across the entire base. The feeling felt most deeply by 31-B and Kayamori Ruka. The feeling of pain, loss, anger, confusion, and uncertainty. How could something like this have happened? How could something like that happen and it be called a victory. After everything Aoi had been through, living through hell and back, finally regaining her humanity with so many things still left for them to do, how did she deserve this. This!?!?
Ruka had already resolved herself, time and time again. She had told herself that she had moved passed it, that she would live with Aoi’s dreams in her heart, that she was in the position to cheer up the grieving members of 31-B. It was all lies though, clean and simple. Lying seemed to be the only thing Kayamori Ruka was any good at. If she had moved on, why did she come back here again and again and again to stare at the little marker in the ground pointing out Aoi’s final resting place. Actually, it was worse than that. Her body might not even be down there, isn't that horrible, hadn’t she been through enough already?!
Tears began to run down her face faster and faster and faster. They didn't have time, it just wasn't fair how they didn't have time. If only they could have become closer, if only she got the chance to give her a nickname, if only… if only she had answered in kind that day. The day Aoi kissed her. The day Aoi told Ruka she loved her. The day before she died. But Ruka didn't say how she felt in return. Because she was a coward, nothing more than confused and afraid.
Even though she had invited it as much as you could, when Aoi kissed her she felt a strange knot welling up in her chest. Was this love, was this romance? If so, why did it hurt so much? Love was often described to her as a beautiful thing, and yet it could be this painful. What was Aoi Erika to her? A friend to be sure, and a very good one for how little time they had together. She wasn’t a lover, though maybe she was, just for that night. Was Ruka in love with her? Could she fall in love? Or rather, was she betraying her heart for the sake of Aoi’s? Her mind was a series of questions and questions and questions that lead to more questions and questions and questions. She felt like she should have said it back. I love you. It made her so happy to hear those words, so it must have been her own feeling too, right? Right?? Why wouldn't someone answer her??? She was having such a hard time, why wasn’t anyone there to help her???
“Aoi…” Her voice broke. “Please answer me.” More and more tears began to fall. “Please come back and tell me…” A torrent of sobs and wails. “Please tell me if I was in love with you too.” A torrent so strong she didn't notice the rain now falling all around her. “Please tell me if I would have fallen in love with you…”
“Ruka, come on, let’s get you inside.”
Out of nowhere, a hand clasped down softly on her shoulder. It felt so comforting, it felt so warm, it felt like she was home. There was no way it could be her, but in the moment she felt like there was no other option. She turned in an instant to see the figure standing behind her–
It was Izumi Yuki.
“Y-Yuki… hic…” Ruka lurched through sobs. She couldn't pretend anymore, so she launched her into a hug and nuzzled deep into Yuki’s shoulder. The woman seemed momentarily startled, but switched her expression back to a smile. “Yuki…”
“There, there, it's all okay.” Yuki assured her, gently patting the back of her hair. She then made a face, was it discomfort? Pain? Jealousy? Ruka wasn’t looking, so she couldn't even tell she was making it. “She was awfully important to you wasn’t she? Here, when we get back we can talk about it. Oh, and none of that ‘I’m fine’ junk, you’re way too good a liar.”
Ruka sniffed, pulling back and wiping away the tears from her deeply red eyes as best she could. “Okay… Thank you…”
“Don’t mention it.” Yuki smiled, letting Ruka lean on her as she dragged the both of them back towards the dorms. “Just… Next time don't keep us in the dark when you're dealing with something. All of 31-A is with you through anything and everything. Never forget that.”
Ruka smiled. She would add it to the list of things she could never forget, right next to that girl’s beautiful smile and how much she changed her life. No matter how brief their time together, she always carried a piece of Aoi in her heart.