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"Dad, This is not my fault, is this? "
Shiva knelt down in front of me and grabbed my waist as if to cling to me. Even in the midst of the violent thunderstorm, I could hear his voice distinctly, as if my hearing was clear. However, I could not understand the meaning of his words.
At Shiva's feet, Yvonne is lying on the floor. She is bleeding from the head and has a moth stuffed in her mouth. Why on earth would he did such a terrible thing? I asked the reason, but I still don't understand it. It is unforgivable to hurt others just because they were butted in their hobbies. Especially when we are justice chojins.
Familiar green eyes looked up at me, but they were somewhat vacant, as if they could see right through me. It was as if I were not just a father, but something divine to be worshipped.
"Shiva...? "
Clearly, there is something wrong with his behavior. Not to mention that it is strange when he was killing his own mother, but that is another matter.
"Oh, don't look so puzzled.... I was very glad to find out that you are a devil chojin and that you have muddy, dirty devil blood in your veins, just like me. Actually, I've been worried about for a long time that Dad and Mom are both justice chojin, and of course I am too, but why I like cruel deeds and why I can't stop them. But after I found out your secret, I was able to accept and love myself. Thank you, Dad."
I was confused, but Shiva, with a bloodstained face, blurted it out without blinking.
"But I also have a complaint. You raised me as a justice chojin when I'm really a devil chojin, and that's why I'm in this mess. If you had raised me as a devil chojin from the beginning, I wouldn't have had to suffer needlessly…I might not have ended up in this situation, huh? "
His eyes, which I had thought many times to be pretty like Yvonne's, narrowed amusedly and reproached me. They are also shining with an eerie light, as if he has lost his mind. This was the first time I had ever felt a chill run down my spine when I saw my boy smile.
"How could a devil chojin change to a justice chojin when there's no way you could? What made you come up with such an absurd idea? "
His tone was as soft as ever, but each word seemed to pierce my skin.
"Sorry...."
It was not an appropriate answer, but it was all I could say at the time.
"What's done is done. We can't change the past."
“And there's nothing we can do about it now…."
Shiva said, and looked at Yvonne, who was lying on the floor. Then he chuckled. He seemed to think that he was not at all responsible for what he had done, and he did not feel the least bit sorry for what he had done. …No, Shiva is right. This is all my fault. So he should rather blame me.
"Dad, from now on, the two of us will live our lives as devil chojin. I know it's been hard for you, suppressing your true nature. It was hard for me too."
Shiva smiled as he clutched the bottom pair of my powerless hands. This time, the focus was right on me.
"I know that you and I, who have your blood in my veins, are nothing but devil. There is no other way to live."
Exactly. Why didn't I realize for decades that even a child could understand? I thought I was doing well, but I may have been totally mistaken. Unbeknownst to me, I have hurt the most important family of mine and now I have passed the point of no return.
I have done wrong, after all. Not something, but everything. Where do I start over? What should I do for redemption?
The answer is already there, even though I am thinking about it. The current contemplation is nothing but a stalling and a bad idea. One thought has been invading my mind now. It is a terrible idea that I would never do under normal circumstances, nor would I even consider it in the first place. However, even though I know this, I still do not want to stop, so I must be a dirty devil after all, in the end. I am disagreeable of myself for having changed my attribute in a moment of madness, even though I have been like that by nature.
"...That's true."
I will be hated by everyone forever. The people of the demon world and those men whom I used to be able to call my friends will no doubt abuse me a diabolical devil and bastard when they know what is about to happen.
But I have no choice. To take my own responsibility. Above all, to atone for my poor boy.
"You are right, Shiva."
I touched his shoulders with my top two hands and looked firmly into his eyes. There was the look in the eyes of a child who had committed a mortal sin that could never be forgiven, yet still retained the immature innocence.
I remember how happy I was when Yvonne told me “We will have a baby,” and when I held my newborn Shiva for the first time, I thought I could never be happier.
I can't hate him even a little bit, even now. I loved him before he was born. From now on, forever, no matter what.
"I will live as a devil chojin for the rest of my life for you, I swear."
I told him so and patted him on the head with my middle hand, and Shiva smiled happily. The lovely face, illuminated by a violent bolt of lightning, was imprinted behind my eye lids like a negative. This must be one of my punishments, I thought. The devil will not go unpunished. I and Shiva are no exception. Even if someone else is responsible for the sin. Even if he is not wrong himself.
I smiled back at Shiva as best I could. Then I put strength into the hand I had placed on his shoulder.