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“So, if I just stand up real quick, put my hands in the air and…” I paused while holding my hands in the air, facing Emery’s avatar while letting my vision fade into familiar dark shadows as the blood does its best to rush to my head. The detachment was almost pleasant, a tingling across my body that left me feeling euphoric, if only for a moment. Unfortunately, the demonstration of my disability was a little too good. I vaguely felt the world fall and a jolting impact along the side of my body before I finally came to rest on the floor.
Oops.
“Ah fuck,” I heard projected above me. “VR, course. You okay, Jade?” Emery’s avatar hovered over me. Their paws were briefly thrusted out to where I had been a moment before, only returning to their side as they saw me meet their gaze. They looked away, a mirror to the shy little expression I had seen in the couple of times we were able to meet in person. I don’t even think they noticed the habit but it always made me smile. I smiled on the inside but I don’t know if my face got further than a grimace. I was still clutching my side where I had fallen onto the very real chair I used in my VR setup. Damn, that hurt. Dumbass.
After a moment, the grimace turned into a laugh. “You tried to catch me, didn’t you? You dork.” I snorted, shaking the last of the daze out my head and making it to my feet. “Fine, fine. Like I said, I’m pretty used to that. I mean, I don’t fully pass out every time but still. It’ll leave a bad bruise but I’ve learned to cope.”
Their avatar’s mouth didn’t lend well to frowning, what with the literal :3 they used as a face. Emery’s cat ears did most of the emoting instead. Now, they flopped against their gray and black head in obvious frustration and guilt, I could imagine their face pouting at my statement behind the mask. Emery was always quick to talk about how unfair the Terran Accords had been to disabled folks like us. They began to speak but I cut them off before I could hear another probably accurate but ultimately fruitless rant from them.
“Can we not go there? I know the Terran Accord isn’t, err, wasn’t perfect but what can we do? We live here, or lived here. I’m just trying to make the best of it, okay?” Emery didn’t saying. “Okay?” I repeated into the silence.
Neither of us spoke for what felt like a small eternity. I looked around at the simple but private room we used for our chats. One shelf held a commemorative cup and a napkin scrawled with writing from the first time we ever saw each other in person. Having met on the internet, we both were certain the other was a psycho stalker. This resulted in a very meticulously planned dinner date and nothing more. I had of course ended up staying with Emery that night. Hundreds more little moments were alluded to among the various decorations.
A new one had been added and already labeled, a simple polaroid style photo tacked on one of many boards. When had Emery had time to do that? In the photo, I was holding them as they tried to burrow in my neck, hiding from the camera. “Its your birthday,” I could hear them saying. “It should be just your face of course.” I swear, they were always inventing new ways to hide themselves even in VR.
Gah, why does my mind drift so much. Get back on task, Jade. You probably just pissed off Emery, right? That’s why they were so quiet right now.
Is that what happened? I felt like I couldn’t really remember now. I guess it's better to be cautious. “Hey, I’m sorry,” I practically whispered. Good to be gentle too, I think. Their avatar didn’t seem to be moving. Like at all. I could only imagine that they were holding back their anger. “I think that was probably scary and annoying and weird and…” I would have continued speaking but a knot formed in my chest, blocking my words.
Emery stayed frozen for a moment or two. Suddenly their voice came through, Emery’s cartoonish catgirl seemingly no longer syncing to their real world movements. “Oh stars, I didn’t think it would be this soon. I wanted more time to talk.” Their voice was frantic, rushed and exasperated. “Jade, I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong but I have to go. I love you, okay? It’ll all be okay. I promise.” They made an exaggerating kissing sound right into the mike, squealing in my ears and covering any arguments I might have tried to make in response. I watched their avatar dissolve as their profile went offline. It had always felt like a somewhat macabre choice for a logout animation, especially given the cutesy cat skin they ran around in but right now, it just felt… final.
My thoughts raced, colliding and smashing into wreckage waiting to be salvaged. You could probably see oil leaking out of my ears. Maybe coolant. Our crew could make a little extra from… Not the time for jokes, dumbass. Focus. What happened? What do we do? How can I help her? Are they okay? Message her. Try to message her. Okay, yeah. That is as good a place to start as any.
Images of “Feralist” ships, torn apart and abandoned, flashed through my head. How many had my team scrapped the last couple months? 3? 4? And we could hardly cover our relatively small assigned area. The numbers of missing terrans has been going up quickly since the Affini appeared, just another pet for those damn mind controlling weeds.
No, we don’t know what happened yet. Calm down. I can handle it. My body began to move on its own as adrenaline took over. I made my way to the computer, wriggling out of my VR gear and leaving a trail abandoned tech behind me.
J@ded_>>dude, you okay??
J@ded_>>cmon e, you know I don’t handle stress well, stop playing with me
I tried to call them again but nothing. Be patient. They probably just got called to work. Yeah, maybe that was it. I mean, they had taken the day off to celebrate my birthday but it wouldn’t be surprising if they had gotten called in for some “emergency”, right? Right, I think we can believe that. Okay, yeah. We will give them the night and I’m sure we will hear back from them. They had said everything will be okay, right? I could believe that for now.
Only a week after… what happened, our crew had been generously given 2 days leave plus travel time mid-salvage. Maybe it was to my steadily worsening panic attacks but who could say. I mean, being such a small crew meant that when one of us couldn’t work, none of us could so to port we went.
Oops. As if I really felt bad for it. Even if my mind hadn’t been solely on Emery’s wellbeing, I still would have felt pretty good getting to force some actual accommodations and sick days from our employer.
The company made sure I would file a missing person’s request and ensure that Emery really was okay. I was going to do it anyway so whatever. A cynical part of me reminded me it wasn’t Emery the company cared about but the “property” and “capital” their ship's disappearance represented. It didn’t matter to me, so long as I could figure out if Emery was okay.
I quickly learned that the local port authority only checks for “lost property” after a month. Damn, that is really all they saw Emery and their team as? Probably no different for me and my team. Eh, nothing I didn’t already know.
It was another two and a half months before we were able to dock from our salvaging run. My lack of… well, general awareness really left me covered in small cuts and bruises. I had hardly noticed them until I was sitting in Lt. Mallow’s office to finally check in on the “missing property” claim. The glances at my injuries had told me he probably thought I had a screw or three loose. I thought he was probably right.
“These are all the logs you have of this event, uhhh…” his eyes felt on my ID and then on my face. “Miss Wright?” I flinched at the unknown investigator using an honorific with my name. Stars, I was jumpy. Make it four screws loose. Still, I was pleasantly surprised he didn’t completely misgender me right. Or at least he got as close as most folks would get without asking anyways.
“Yes, that’s all.” My voice was hoarse and weak. “I was recording the VR chat. Y’know, to remember it and all. Special day, or it was supposed to be. Couldn’t think straight when it happened. Didn’t think I’d need logs of everything. Thought it would all work out, y’know? Isn’t it all just supposed to work out? That’s what Emery said, it would all work out.” I was mostly mumbling to myself at this point. I did that a lot these days. I knew the cop or whatever he was was likely just going over his notes and looking back through the log files, not listening to a thing I was saying. I couldn’t blame him.
“Welllll,” he said after a moment, drawing out the word in a drawl I faintly recognized. South Martian, maybe? I hadn’t been that close to Earth in a long time so it was pretty much a blind guess. “Not much we can do for you then. It’s been, what? 3 months now? The ship was reported junked and no survivors were found. Best outcome is your friend died. Worst is… welllllll,” he trailed off, drawling all the way. I knew what he didn’t want to say. Maybe I should ask about the condition of the ship. It only took a second of memory images conjured from our more concerning scrapping jobs to decide against that.
Emery was gone. Gone to the depths of space or gone to… well, gone either way.At least, I knew they were gone. If they were alive, well… all they were was some weed’s little plaything. They weren’t the sweet, generous and considerate person I’d met through the public VR almost two years ago now. That incredible person I loved is probably nothing more than brainwashed mush at this point. They wouldn’t even recognize my face, I bet.
“You are spiraling,” I announced to myself. It wasn’t loud but the cop looked my way again. The cocked eyebrow reinforced my previous guess at his thoughts. I shied away from his gaze and tried to calm down. I was spiraling. Emery was gone. Okay. I know now. No more uncertainty. I can leave. I should leave.
“Can we leave?” I said interrupting my own thoughts. This time I spoke louder but with an odd lilt to my voice. It made me sound very young. “You can, we aren’t keepin’ you here but…” He made a point of looking around the room as I cocked my head at him. “We?” We? What was he talking about? I shrugged, saying nothing, grabbing my bag and half scrambling to get out the door. Before I can make my escape, the man grabs my wrist, not hard but firm enough I knew he wasn’t going to let go. My brain went right to fight or flight mode. I might have been able to break his grip. He was old and out of shape. I could outrun him. While I thought through the options, my body stayed frozen in place. I was suddenly reminded that I hadn’t fared well the last time I’d run from authority figures. I didn’t fight Mallow’s grip. Yet.
“I know you don’t want to hear this but if your friend really was taken and you wanna get them back, you oughta check the Affini controlled worlds nearby. Some shrub might just be out given their new pet a walk.” I blanched at the thought. Or… was I blushing? No, of course not. I mean Jade had always been the pet in their relationship but… nononono. I shook my head, quickly exiting behind the old cop without another word and ignoring the growing heat on my cheeks.
Embarrassment had given way to despair which had led to my usual dissociated numbness. What now? I had been given medical leave from my salvage crew so I didn’t have to worry about that for a while. Even if I did want to go back to work to distract myself, the ship had taken off basically right after leaving me and refueling and who knows how long a message would take to reach them again. That meant one less option to consider, at least.
I wandered the starkly utilitarian Terran station, following empty and undecorated metal hallways going nowhere in particular. My mind would have been racing if I hadn’t gone almost completely numb. I could feel the everyday aches of my body, knees creaking and back twitching as it supported my body. Still, I kept walking. I had to get my head straight. I had to figure out what to do.
I’m not sure how long I walked like that, mind empty, body protesting every movement while my eyes stayed pinned downwards. After a time though, I broke eye contact with the cold metal tiles that made up the floor. The first thing I noticed was that the only other people around me were eyeing me oddly. I only then noticed my own muttering.
“What’s the point,” I heard myself repeat for what must have been the hundredth time. “They’re gone. Emery is gone and they’re not coming back. What’s the point of trying?”
I had a point, one the numbness of my brain had been trying to suppress. It was a depressing, lonely and very dark point but I thought it a valid one nonetheless. I didn’t have much else in my life that brought me joy without E. My parents were still alive but the distance I had put between myself and them was more than intentional. We hadn’t always seen eye to eye, to say the least. Even trying to send a message that far was prohibitively slow and I thanked the stars for that. Still, it meant I didn’t really want to turn to them for support. I didn’t really have any friends either. Hell, I don’t think I even learned the names of the others on my old scrapper crew. I much preferred to keep to myself, reading and writing at my leisure or getting lost in daydreams. One of the crew might have been… Danielle? Destiny? I think it started with a D anyways. Doesn’t matter, I probably won’t ever see them again anyways.
Besides relationships, it’s not like I had many hobbies or interests. Hadn’t had much time to figure that stuff out as a kid and now that I was well into my 20s, almost all of my time was spent working or resting my aching body. Such was the way of “Terran controlled space,” though those boundaries seemed to shrink each day.
It wasn’t long before my feet took me where my brain hadn’t yet told me was our destination. I thought back to the words the uniformed officer had told me earlier in the day and realized I had made the decision on what came next right then. I hadn’t even recognized I was doing it. I was going to get Emery back. The sign read “Private Craft Rentals, no ID or papers required” in a number of different scripts. Just like most space ports, the entrepreneurs were more than happy to use those down and out to make a quick buck. The prices for renting transport ships like these landed somewhere between exorbitant and life crushing. That didn’t matter right now. Besides, what else was credit for? I walked up to the window, ready to go into debt just to charge into Affini controlled space looking for someone who probably didn’t exist anymore. Stars, am I smart or what?