Work Text:
Dear Tyler,
I love you. I have loved you since I met you.
I know that you're straight. We joke around, obviously, but I have never expected you to reciprocate my feelings. And that still holds up today. You can't be what I want you to be, but you're what I need you to be and that's enough for me.
I'm not jealous about you and Jenna. I used to be -- once upon a time, when you just met her and I still thought you would, suddenly, admit you're bisexual and confess your love. It was a pipe dream, of course. I think my almost neverending hope made everything feel worse.
But I don't feel that anymore. Jenna is lovely, and you deserve her as much as she deserves you. I love that you're happy loving her, even if you're not loving me in the way that I want you to. I'm not envious of her anymore. I don't even want to be with you anymore. I've suffered past that.
I'm content, but the love has stayed with me.
I probably would never have told you any of this. Maybe even denied it to myself, written it off as a weird hormone-fueled teenage crush. But the problem is after all these years, all my talking stages that ended "for no reason", all the nights I have been crying myself to sleep for seemingly no reason -- I still like you. I still love you. It hasn't faded. If anything, it's gotten stronger.
And you know I really like Debby. And she likes me too, I think. But I just can't date her with a clean conscience while my feelings are like this. This confession isn't really for you in that way, I guess. I think you probably already knew. But I need to get over you. And for that to happen, I needed to tell you.
I think you're an amazing friend. And I want to keep being friends. I hope you're not too grossed out by this to keep making music. I love you.
Always,
Josh