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They could’ve died like Mi-nyeo and Deok-su.
One filled with determination, second one — with horror. One held onto another seeking protection not seeing how miserable they always were. Both of them. Dying because of one little thing that should have never meant or coasted so much. Promises not kept, they never are when they are sounded out.
You’re the one who knows it best, right?
They could’ve died like Ji-yeong.
Gracefully. Finally getting free from the terror their life has become. Getting a relief. Has it always been like that? Did they have a chance to do things more right? Cause she didn’t. But they could’ve died like her as if they had nowhere to go after.
They could’ve died like Sang-woo.
Where death is like a sorry. Ending it to try to forgive yourself. Ending it to show that you’ve taken a wrong path oh so long ago and now you’ve finally turned around to see all these breathless bodies covering your footprints. Joining them aching for forgiveness.
They could’ve died like Ali.
Betrayed. One by another, the other — by himself. Because hurting the other is a self-betrayal at this point. As well as not doing so.
They could’ve died.
The realisation hits them simultaneously. What do they feel about it?
In-ho is fighting whatever it is. He never lets his reactions out — he never flinched when he got shot — so he just experiences it inside. The top layer of his mind is focused on holding his face stone-cold. The deeper levels are on fire. There are screams, a broken tv beeping and dull pain that feels like a heavy vibration in the heart of his being.
Gi-hun fights everything but his reactions. So he dives right into it, mouth bending down, eyebrows flying up, picturing an unrecognizable grimace. His vocal cords produce raw screams he never cares to filter. The insides of his mind are shocked and frozen, while the rest of him is convulsing.
Agonizing seconds pass when Gi-hun realizes what has just happened. That he has just saved the person he’s been dreaming of murdering. That sick motherfucker who traumatized him and hundreds of other lost people. Who made the lost people go missing, promising to but never showing them the way.
In-ho hates analyzing the situation right now. The conclusions on himself is what he doesn’t like. He’s been chasing this nonsense of a person, pulling him closer and teasing him hoping for… him to do what he plotted? He wanted Gi-hun to kill him. He’s been joking about his false heroism, the laughter getting more and more despaired as he couldn’t find an explanation on why it’s not right to be a hero. Inside, he’s been begging Gi-Hun to help him finally lose. As he would never accept this defeat himself.
— Oh, this is so fucked up, — flashes in both of their heads.
Indeed, they could’ve died.