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Gelo watched the man silently, the same way he did years back. He recalled the memories, they were as vivid as it had happened before. Back when everything was still okay.
He wanted to regret a lot of things. Time has again and again reminded him. Of the what ifs and what could have beens. And staring at Paulo now seemed to ignite them more.
It was a heavy feeling. A hard hit on his chest. Somehow though, he found comfort in finding him again. Perhaps fate this time would be kinder. Or so he hoped.
Paulo has grown gracefully, he mused. And the thought swarmed his chest, providing a certain kind of warmth.
Perhaps this little chance of convening again was a good indication. A tell-tale sign for him to do what he failed to do in the past. There's this feeling though that kept crawling on his insides, thinking if it were the right occassion to have this all out. For out of all the chances there are, it has to be a wedding no less. And it's his sister's wedding to be exact.
He watched as the man play on the rim of his glass drink, fingers twirling the fragile material on the table. He could see the uneasy look on Paulo. Perhaps because they have parted without a clear understanding of what they are. Or were.
Still, he could say that the man still looked as pristine if not more beautiful. Time may have set them apart. He hoped though that they are still the same. That Paulo is the same man he has cherished back then. And he acknowledged the feeling with a certain kind of bitterness at the tip of his tongue. Still, he hoped to bring some changes after tonight.
Time did seem to do Paulo good. The only difference now is that they both have aged. And he could tell that time did give Paulo room to grow into a beautiful man. And if there's one thing that remained, it's the man's soulful eyes.
Gelo gave the man a very straightforward gaze. Without fear. Without inhibitions. He has long grown himself out of that phase a long time ago. And he did have his regrets for not braving a step before, back when they were still inseparable.
The school projects, running the student council with him, basketball games and a good number of walk home with him did sound nostalgic. And he found himself missing the man more. Except now that there's another.
It's someone who is now nearer. They do work together, spend time longer, and perhaps they have grown closer to one another more than how he and Paulo have been in the past. Still, he did not want to give out his chances. Not when he has still a fight left in him.
"Is he courting you, Paulo?"
It was a blatant question, Gelo knew and he saw how Paulo was surprised that he even asked. He saw him pull back against his chair. The man seemed clueless. Or pehaps shy.
He shouldn't find this cute, right?
Th silence which ensued though seemed to kill them both. As such, he laughed to break the silence. Or perhaps even create an excuse as to why he's bringing this up at all.
"I'm sorry. Kanina ko pa kasi ramdam ang sama ng tingin niya sa akin. I am not making him jealous, am I?"
Gelo did see how Paulo paid a glance to Ken Suson who is meters away talking to his now brother-in-law, Tank Bautista. As soon as Paulo realized what he meant, he was quick in shaking his head. From where he sat though, he saw Paulo's band mate's eyes narrow. Clearly, he's looking at their direction.
Paulo's actions though remained controlled, a trait he has retained in all the years he has known him. It was the same like before, like he wanted to say something but still chooses his silence. Gelo did not know if it was a good indication. Paulo having second thoughts only raises his hopes up. That perhaps, he was not late yet.
"Gel..."
He would admit, Gelo missed the sound of it, Paulo calling him his nickname which only makes him miss the old days. Back when they were in school, the student council president and his vice council. He did miss looking after the man. And talking to him now, reminiscing the past seemed to trigger something in him. Perhaps the reason why he remains single up to this time.
He has been waiting for the right time to tell this. And perhaps, he gauged that there may be no proper time at all. Because all that he can have is what is here and now. And as Paulo's eyes gazed back at him, he let his heart out. Worn out on his sleeves as the words slipped past his lips.
"I've missed you, Paulo."
The man's eyes softened and it made his heart flutter. Paulo smiled and he should not find this endearing but it definitely intensified the swarming feeling in his chest. The thought struck him, and now he knew that it was the only thing he's sure of.
"Do you want me to get you something?" He asked, trying to mask the panic away. Everything changed though when Ken came approaching their table bringing a plate of sliced fruits. Likewise, a hand touching Paulo's shoulder and Gelo did feel the intensity of the man's stare.
That was when he noticed Paulo shiver. And the same like before, like what he did in the past, he approached Paulo. Pulling him by the hand to stand, he took the white scarf he is wearing and wrapped it around Paulo's neck.
He was gentle. Like he would always be when he's with Paulo. And the man did look worried as he touched the soft fabric around his neck.
"Hey, Gel. Okay lang ako."
He missed him, alright. There was no denying it. He was so used on taking care of him and finding another one doing it on his behalf was not something he is ready to witness yet. But he sure hoped that his companion is gentle with Paulo, whatever their label is.
"Keep it." He muttered.
Tapping the man's shoulder, he smiled at him albeit wistfully. Perhaps on another world they would have a chance. Darting his eyes towards Paulo's companion who stared at him with a certain look, he reminded.
"He's cold, Ken."
While he has not known him for a long time, he could easily tell that Ken was jealous. Or perhaps overprotective the same way as he is to Paulo. Clapping the man's arm, he nodded and signified his departure. That and still with the hope that he can talk to him still.
Or perhaps at least tell him about this certain kind of warmth. And God may forbid, a chance to hold the man's hand and of a lifetime to be with him.