Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Are you still in love with Hoshina?" Ayato’s question landed like a thunderclap, cutting through the easy flow of their catching-up conversation.

The chilly breeze from the open window crept up Natsusawa’s spine, making him shudder. Though whether it was the draft or Ayato’s words, he couldn’t quite tell. His eyes widened in disbelief as he nearly choked on his coffee, barely managing to swallow before sputtering.

He set the cup down with a thud, glaring at Ayato, who was watching him with an unmistakable glint of amusement.

"You’ve got to be kidding me," Natsusawa muttered, his voice low but edged with disbelief. He grabbed a slice of cheesecake from the table, seriously contemplating stuffing it into his mouth—not just to avoid answering but also to wipe that smug grin off Ayato’s face.

It was a small mercy that Usami wasn’t here today. If he had been, the teasing would never stop, and Natsusawa might never have lived it down.

The cozy atmosphere of Pâtisserie Plain suddenly felt stifling. The café, with its warm wooden interiors and the sweet aroma of baked goods, was Rintaro’s domain. Though still searching for an apprenticeship, he was allowed to handle the counter but was strictly forbidden from entering the kitchen. His father had declared that once high school ended, Rintaro couldn’t work there, but his mother had managed to negotiate a temporary reprieve until he found another mentor.

From behind the counter, Rintaro’s ears perked up, catching Ayato’s pointed question. His lips twitched as he muffled a laugh. Even a customer waiting at the counter glanced over, eyebrows raised, clearly intrigued by the drama unfolding nearby.

Natsusawa could feel the heat creeping up his neck, his face betraying every ounce of his embarrassment.

He shifted in his seat, muttering, "What the hell, dude?" as he dabbed at his mouth with a napkin, desperate to appear indifferent.

But Ayato wasn’t letting this go—not with that amused smirk plastered across his face. Natsusawa cursed his luck for ending up in this situation.

"What?" Ayato shrugged.

Natsusawa pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling in frustration.

"How did you know?" he muttered. He hadn't realized other people had caught on.

His friend smirked, sipping his coffee leisurely. "Man, you're not as nonchalant as you think you are. Madoka and I can see through everyone. Even you."

"Shit. Madoka too?!" Natsusawa's voice rose involuntarily, drawing a few curious glances from nearby tables.

Ayato burst into laughter, loud and carefree, oblivious to the attention they were drawing. The sound grated on Natsusawa, who could barely focus on anything beyond the weight of what he had just said. If Ayato and Madoka knew, it meant Hoshina probably had an inkling too.

The idea of her avoiding him was unbearable.

Of course, it wasn’t surprising that Ayato had figured it out. His keen observation skills, honed by his training at the police academy, made him a natural at reading people. But Madoka? That was a different story. She had a way of pretending not to notice things while quietly knowing everything. It suddenly sent shivers to his body.

Ayato seemed to pick up on Natsusawa's anxiety.

"Relax," he said, his tone softening. "Hoshina doesn’t know. Madoka promised she wouldn’t tell. Said it’s your confession to make."

Natsusawa scoffed, leaning back in his chair. "Confession? I’m not confessing."

Ayato’s smirk widened into a knowing grin. "So you’re not denying that you’re still in love with her?"

Natsusawa shot him a deadpan look. "Even if I deny it, I know you wouldn’t believe me."

Ayato chuckled, popping the last bite of cheesecake into his mouth as if they were discussing something trivial.

It was a slow Saturday, and Natsusawa had only one morning class. When Ayato texted the group for a quick hangout, only Natsusawa had been free to join. These meetups had become rare lately, with college and work pulling everyone in different directions. Kaoruko was in Tokyo, studying medicine, so she hadn’t been able to meet up in months. They managed occasional video calls, but everyone knew Rintaro missed his long-distance girlfriend more than he let on.

Usami was knee-deep in exam prep—his sudden announcement that he wanted to go to college had taken everyone by surprise. Madoka had a streaming session scheduled for the evening and was busy preparing. And Hoshina? She had a night class followed by a freshmen party with her blockmates, one she’d promised to attend.

"It’s already been a year, Saku," Ayato said, nudging Natsusawa’s shoulder. "Hoshina’s starting to settle in. I saw on her Instagram that she’s already made guy friends."

"I know," Natsusawa replied quietly, his eyes downcast. "She’s trying so hard... and I shouldn’t bother her with...whatever this is." He waved his hand vaguely, and Ayato’s expression softened into something that looked almost like pity.

"It’s not whatever, Saku," Ayato said firmly. "If she’s trying hard, why don’t you? You won’t know if she’s ready unless you give it a shot."

Natsusawa shook his head, his lips pressed into a thin line. "This is my problem. I decided to let go of it a long time ago." He chugged the rest of his coffee in one go, as if the caffeine might drown out the conversation.

Ayato sighed but didn’t press further.

Natsusawa hated conversations like this. He didn’t want advice, least of all from someone like Ayato—someone whose love was actually requited.

"And why are you pushing all this onto me?" Natsusawa shot back, glaring at Ayato. "Have you confessed to Madoka that you like her?"

"No, but unlike you, I’m planning to tell her how I feel." Ayato leaned back in his chair, smirking.

"Yeah, right." Natsusawa rolled his eyes, unconvinced.

Ayato tilted his head, his tone shifting to something more serious. "Aren’t you worried that Hoshina might end up liking someone else? I heard she’s pretty popular in her department."

The words hit Natsusawa like a sucker punch. His breath caught, and for a moment, he froze. Jealousy clawed at him, raw and unexpected. The thought of Hoshina with someone else made his blood simmer, an irrational anger bubbling up inside him.

He didn’t respond.

Ayato noticed his silence and pressed on, a sly smile tugging at his lips. "And if you’re not planning to confess, why’d you follow her to T-University?"

"I didn’t follow her!" He snapped, his voice defensive and a little too loud.

"Yeah, right." Ayato mimicked his tone with a smirk. Seeing Natsusawa’s flustered face was entertaining enough, he understood why Usami liked teasing him so much. "I heard she really went out of her way to convince you to go to the same college."

Natsusawa glared at him. "Where did you hear that?"

Before Ayato could answer, Natsusawa groaned, already piecing it together. "Madoka. God, I hate you both. I wish you’d just date each other so you’d stop pestering me."

Ayato laughed, unabashed. "Well, this is the bed you made, buddy, so you better lie in it."

Natsusawa only shook his head, staring down at his empty coffee cup.

The truth was, T-University had never been his first choice for college. It was just an option—one that made sense. It was close to home, saving him from the hassle of a long commute or the expense of a dorm. When he took the mock exams, he’d found them manageable, and he figured it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot. But at the time, his decision wasn’t driven by ambition or a clear sense of purpose.

The real problem back then hadn’t been where he’d go to college, but what he wanted to do. For the longest time, he’d been adrift, unsure of his future. Studying Education hadn’t been on his radar—until Hoshina.

It was almost time for the second mock exams for T-University, and like every other Saturday, Natsusawa found himself seated across from Hoshina at their usual café. Over the past few months, it had become a ritual for them—a weekly study session where she’d dive into her notes, while he fought the growing realization that his feelings for her had long since surpassed friendship.

He wasn’t sure why he kept agreeing to these meetups. Every session felt like an emotional balancing act, a tug-of-war between wanting to be by her side versus knowing he should distance himself for the sake of his own heart. But no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, her bright smile and gentle laugh made it impossible to stay away.

On the surface, their study sessions were productive, filled with equations and practice questions. But the quieter moments in between—when Hoshina would chat about her day or share snippets of her life—were what made Natsusawa look forward to Saturdays the most.

It was during these breaks that he discovered the little things about her. How she loved the subtle hum of background noise in the café, claiming it soothed her nerves and helped her focus. How she adored matcha-flavored everything, her eyes lighting up every time the waiter placed her favorite matcha latte on the table. And how she had a dog named Akatsuki, inspired by her favorite manga character.

One afternoon, as Hoshina sipped her matcha latte, he finally worked up the courage to ask something that had been on his mind.

"Why do you like manga so much?" he asked, keeping his tone casual. Just a passing topic they could talk about.

Her lips quirked into a playful smile as she set her cup down. "Am I not allowed to like it?"

"No, it’s not that," he said quickly, waving a hand. "It’s just… unexpected."

She laughed, the sound soft and melodic, and leaned back in her chair. "It’s my escape, I guess. After spending hours reading textbooks, it’s nice to dive into something fun and lighthearted. It boosts my endorphins."

"That’s fair," he replied, nodding. "I can see how that’d help."

"What about you? Don’t you like anime or manga? I thought most guys were into that kind of thing."

He chuckled. "I don’t dislike it, but I’m not as into it as Usami is. He’s the real anime expert."

"Madoka, too," Hoshina added, her expression softening. "I can totally imagine them geeking out together."

"Yeah, they’d probably talk for hours about their favorite shows."

As their laughter faded, a comfortable silence settled between them. Natsusawa glanced at the clock above the café’s service door. Two hours had flown by, and it was almost time to pack up and leave. The thought of parting ways left an ache in his chest that he tried to ignore.

Hoshina broke the silence. "So… are you still undecided?"

"About what?"

"College," she clarified, her gaze steady and searching. "Are you still unsure about T-University?"

Her question caught him off guard, and he hesitated. The intensity in her eyes made him feel like she was searching for something more in his answer.

"Yeah," he admitted after a moment. "I know you asked me about it when we studied at Usami’s place, but I’m still undecided. Sorry I don’t have a clear answer yet."

She smiled, a soft and understanding expression. "That’s okay. I was just curious if you’d made up your mind. Take your time. It’s a big decision after all."

"Thanks." He paused, debating whether to ask the question nagging at the back of his mind. Why did it matter so much to her? T-University was a massive campus, and they’d likely be in different departments anyway. The chances of running into each other regularly were slim. But despite his doubts, he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

"Why does it matter to you?"

Hoshina bit her lip, her hesitation written all over her face. For a moment, he thought she might brush off the question, but then she let out a small sigh and met his gaze.

"I guess I just… hoped we’d end up in the same place," she said softly. "Studying together has been nice, you know? It makes me feel less nervous about everything. Like I’m not alone in this."

Natsusawa’s breath caught, but she wasn’t finished.

"But those are just excuses," she added, a hint of nervousness creeping into her voice.

"Excuses for what?"

"I…" She hesitated, then took a deep breath, her words tumbling out all at once. "I just want to see you there. I’ve always imagined bumping into you in the hallways or grabbing lunch or dinner together when we have free time. It’d be nice, that’s all."

His heart thundered in his chest, each beat louder than the last. Hoshina had always been honest and unfiltered, and her words carried a weight he wasn’t sure how to handle.

"Yeah," he said finally, his voice softer than he intended. "We can make that happen."

Her face lit up, her eyes sparkling with a mix of relief and excitement. "Really? That’d be amazing! But… no pressure, okay? It’s still your decision."

He nodded slowly, lost in thought. If Hoshina could be open enough to share her honest feelings with him, then maybe it wouldn't be so wrong for him to do the same.

"I'm still thinking about which program I should take..." Natsusawa admitted, his voice quiet as he exhaled deeply. "Even now, I’m not sure if I should just take the easier route."

Hoshina tilted her head, her expression thoughtful. "I doubt anything’s really hard for you."

He managed a small grin, though her words tugged at something inside him. "Everyone says that, but that’s kind of the problem. I feel like I could manage any science program if I put my mind to it, but… I don’t see myself doing it for the rest of my life."

She nudged his shoulder gently, a playful gesture that softened the seriousness of the moment. Resting her elbow on the table, she leaned her head against her hand, her gaze steady on his. "You know what I think?" she asked, her voice light but laced with sincerity. "I think you’d make a great teacher."

Her words caught him off guard. He blinked, processing the unexpected suggestion. A teacher? The thought hadn’t crossed his mind before, but now that she’d said it, it planted a tiny seed in his mind.

And that seed refused to leave.

Days turned into weeks, and Natsusawa found himself returning to Hoshina’s offhand comment more often than he’d like to admit. Could he really be a teacher? The idea seemed ridiculous at first—he wasn’t exactly known for his patience, and he could still hear his friends teasing him for being terrible at explaining things back in their first year in high school.

But something changed. Little by little, he started to notice how much he enjoyed helping his classmates. The satisfaction of seeing their eyes light up in understanding, the quiet thrill of knowing he’d contributed to their success—it was unlike anything else. Maybe Hoshina had seen something in him that he hadn’t seen in himself.

Ultimately, that quiet confidence she had in him gave him the push he needed.

T-University was well-known for its Education program, and despite his lingering doubts, he decided to take the entrance exam. Passing wasn’t a surprise—he had worked hard for it—but what did surprise him was Hoshina’s reaction.

She had been under the impression he was considering another college, and when he told her they’d be attending the same university, the look of relief that crossed her face nearly stole his breath. Her smile, radiant and unguarded, made him realize he’d made the right choice—not just for himself, but for the way it brought him closer to her.

The beating of his heart didn’t stop there. Even though he’d promised himself he wouldn’t let his feelings interfere with their friendship, he couldn’t help but worry about her. College was a big change, and he wanted to be there for her, even in the smallest ways.

But Hoshina thrived. Watching her step confidently into her new life as a freshman—attending orientation parties, making new friends, and adjusting seamlessly—made him realize how far she had come.

He was proud of her. Proud of the person she was becoming and proud to walk alongside her, even if only in the background.

And while he couldn’t always tell her how much she meant to him, he hoped she knew. After all, it was Hoshina’s words that gave him direction when he needed it most. In the end, it wasn’t just about the career he chose or the university he attended. It was about the moments they shared. The little nudges, the quiet encouragements, and the support that pushed him to become the person he wanted and needed to be.

Natsusawa’s mind was still tangled in thoughts when Ayato’s voice broke through, sharp and insistent. "Hey, Saku."

He blinked, snapping back to the present. "What?"

"Madoka just texted me," Ayato continued, his tone casual but carrying an undertone of urgency. "She said Ayumi called you using Hoshina's phone, but you aren’t answering."

Natsusawa furrowed his brow, confused. "Why? My phone's in my bag. I didn't hear it ring."

"I don’t know, man. Maybe try calling her back?"

Natsusawa reached for his phone at the back of his backpack, but as soon as his hand closed around it, the device lit up and vibrated. His heart skipped a beat when Hoshina’s name flashed across the screen.

He quickly answered. "Hello? Hoshina?"

The voice on the other end wasn’t Hoshina’s, but Ayumi’s. It sounded strained. "Natsusawa? Sorry to bother you, but can you come pick up Subaru? She's a little... well, she’s not in the best state right now."

His stomach dropped. "What happened? Is she okay?"

Ayumi sighed heavily, a soft, almost guilty sound that didn’t sit well with Natsusawa. "It’s nothing too serious. We're at the orientation party, and she’s had a bit too much to drink. She started ranting earlier, and now she's just... struggling. Can you come get her? I can’t leave the party to bring her home, and I’m kind of stuck with everyone else."

Natsusawa’s concern sharpened into action. He didn’t waste a second. "Okay, just send me the address. I’ll be there right away."

He hung up, his heart pounding a little faster than usual. He didn’t wait for Ayato to ask anything—his mind already racing.

"Hey, what happened?" Ayato called after him, his eyes wide with curiosity.

"Hoshina’s drunk," Natsusawa said flatly, the words tasting foreign on his tongue.

"Hoshina?!" Ayato repeated, his voice rising an octave. "Drunk?!"

"Yeah." Natsusawa grabbed his things in a rush. "Ayumi said she was having a hard time."

Ayato shook his head in disbelief, still processing the news. "It’s hard to picture Hoshina losing her composure... but drunk? That’s a whole new level."

Without another word, Natsusawa slung his bag over his shoulder and headed for the door. "Come on."

Ayato, unable to hide his grin, raised his hands in mock surrender. "Sorry, lover boy. I gotta run. You know, duty calls. But hey, make sure you get Hoshina home safe, alright?"

Before Ayato dashed through the door, he glanced back at Natsusawa, his gaze sharp with a mixture of concern and amusement. “Look, Saku, you can keep pretending you don’t care all you want, but one day, someone else is going to notice what you see in her. And if you’re not going to make a move, don’t be surprised when they do.”

Natsusawa’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching at his side. He didn’t need Ayato to spell it out for him. He’d always known. But that didn’t make it any easier to hear. The truth stung, a harsh reminder of everything he had been avoiding.

"Take care, Rintaro," Natsusawa muttered as he walked out the door just as soon as Ayato left, his mind still clouded with his words. The moment he stepped into his Uber, he pulled out his phone, hands moving almost instinctively as he typed a message to Ayato.

Next time you need something, don’t expect me to help.

He didn’t mean it, not really. It was just a way to mask the frustration bubbling up inside him, a desperate attempt to control the situation, to keep himself from thinking too much about the things he couldn’t change.

His phone buzzed almost immediately with Ayato’s reply: You’ll thank me later.

Natsusawa sighed, leaning back against the seat as the city lights blurred past. Maybe Ayato was right. But that didn’t make it any easier to accept.

It was nearly midnight, but the district still buzzed with life. Hostesses in brightly colored outfits stood on street corners, handing out flyers with rehearsed smiles. Natsusawa declined politely each time they offered him their services. This wasn’t the type of area he would have picked for a gathering of freshmen—crowded, chaotic, and certainly not the kind of place for a peaceful evening out. He couldn’t fathom why Ayumi had chosen to bring Hoshina here.

As he stepped inside the establishment Ayumi had mentioned, he immediately regretted it. The air was thick with the pulse of bass-heavy music, making his ears throb. He hadn’t heard the music in the background when Ayumi called, but then again, she had probably stepped outside for their conversation to be easier to hear. His eyes darted around the dark interior, struggling to find any sign of Hoshina’s group amidst the crowd. The strobe lights flashed in rapid succession, making it hard to focus. The scene before him was jarring—tightly packed bodies, flashing neon lights, and the overpowering scent of cheap perfume and sweat. Not exactly his scene.

He pulled out his phone and quickly texted Hoshina's number, praying Ayumi might answer. A few moments later, the message bubble popped up with her response: We're on the second floor in a private lounge.

Relief washed over him. He made his way to the staircase, the noise growing louder with each step. When he reached the second floor, the atmosphere didn’t get any better. The lounge was filled with at least fifty people, most of whom seemed to be part of Hoshina's department. Some were gathered around the bar, laughing too loudly, while others lounged on circular sofas, talking and drinking. The strobe lights stabbed at his eyes, and the thumping music made his head pound. He wasn’t used to this environment, but he couldn’t focus on his discomfort—not when Subaru was here, probably in worse shape than he’d imagined.

His eyes scanned the crowd, searching for her familiar silver hair. Then, he spotted her. Hoshina was lying on Ayumi’s shoulder, looking completely at ease despite the chaos surrounding them. She was asleep, her breathing slow and steady as the loud music raged on. It was almost unbelievable that she could sleep through all of this. But then again, Natsusawa thought, this was Subaru—unpredictable even in her drunken state.

"Natsusawa!" Ayumi’s voice rose above the noise when she saw him. "Thank god you're here."

She had to shout to be heard, but even that didn’t drown out the overwhelming sound of the club. His eyes flickered down to Hoshina again, feeling a pang of concern. He quickly kneeled in front of her, gently pulling her arms over his shoulders. His heart skipped when he felt the weight of her against him, but he forced himself to stay focused. He grabbed her thigh carefully, his hands steady, and with Ayumi’s help, managed to get Subaru onto his back.

"Where’s her stuff?" he asked.

Ayumi grabbed a bag from the sofa and handed it to him, her face full of concern. She leaned into him, her voice quiet but urgent against the chaos. "There were a few guys trying to hit on her. She was uncomfortable, especially after drinking. When they saw her wasted, they insisted on taking her home, but I told them her boyfriend’s taking her"

Natsusawa’s brow furrowed. "Who were they?"

Ayumi shrugged. "I don’t know. We only talked to them for a few minutes, but they seemed really pushy. They just wanted to be around Subaru." Her expression grew more serious. "When they saw she was drunk, they didn’t care—kept offering to take her home. I had to step in and tell them you’d handle it."

A sigh escaped him. "I don’t want to pretend to be her boyfriend just to get them off her back."

Ayumi shook her head quickly, her eyes filled with understanding. "No, Natsusawa. She was the one who told me to call you. She said you’d be the one to take her home."

His mind raced, trying to make sense of this. "Why would she do that? She could’ve called someone else?"

Ayumi nodded towards the chaos of their blockmates sprawled on the other sofas, half-drunk and barely able to stand. "Because I’ve got too many people to look after. Subaru’s already in no condition to explain herself, and she trusts you. You’re the one she wants to take care of her."

Natsusawa stared at Hoshina’s peaceful face, fighting the swirl of emotions in his chest. "Thanks, Ayumi."

Ayumi patted him on the back before giving him a reassuring look. "Just make sure you talk to her when she wakes up. She might not remember everything, but it’ll help."

Natsusawa nodded stiffly, his heart racing but keeping his composure as they walked toward the exit. A few curious glances were cast their way, but no one made an effort to stop them. The night air was a relief after the suffocating atmosphere inside the club. Once outside, Natsusawa gently lowered Hoshina onto a bench by the sidewalk. He rifled through her bag, searching for her cellphone, but it wasn’t there. His brow furrowed as he lightly shook her shoulder, trying to rouse her.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she groaned softly, her voice hoarse and distant. "Natsusawa?" she mumbled, her words slurring slightly. "What are you doing here?"

He exhaled, leaning closer to her, keeping his voice calm. "Taking you home."

Hoshina rubbed her temples, her face contorting in discomfort. "My head hurts."

"Yeah, no surprise there," he muttered under his breath. "Tell me where you live so I can take you home."

She let out a long sigh, and for a moment, Natsusawa thought she was going to say something more coherent. Instead, she leaned against him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. "I don’t want to go home..." she whispered.

Natsusawa froze. His heart skipped a beat, his breath catching in his throat as he tried to keep himself composed. The unexpected contact, the weight of her head on his shoulder—it was too much. Her hair brushed against his face, and the familiar scent of lavender filled the air. His pulse quickened, and he fought to steady himself, but all he could do was inhale, her fragrance so close, so intoxicating.

His hand twitched at his side, longing to reach out and hold hers. If only this moment could stretch into something more, something real. But he couldn’t—she wasn’t in her right mind. She was drunk, and whatever she said now, whatever she needed, wouldn’t be the same when she was sober. But even with that knowledge, his heart beat faster, and his cheeks warmed.

"Then where should I take you?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, his chest tightening with every word. He glanced down at her, unsure of how much longer he could keep his distance.

Hoshina’s next words caught him completely off guard. "Take me with you..." she mumbled, her voice barely audible, but it sent a shockwave through him.

Natsusawa’s breath caught in his throat. Take her with him? To his place? His mind raced, trying to process what she was asking, but all he could do was stare at her. His heart pounded in his chest, his face burning red.

"Are you serious?" he asked, his voice coming out more sharply than he intended. "That’s... that’s not possible."

He turned his head to look at her again, only to find her eyes closed once more, her breathing slow and even. She was asleep.

He sighed, feeling a mixture of frustration and helplessness. He reached out to wake her again, but her body was limp and unresponsive. With no other option, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick message to Ayumi, hoping for an answer. The seconds ticked by, then minutes. His anxiety grew as he saw no reply. He tried calling, but Ayumi’s phone was unavailable. His fingers hovered over the screen, then quickly opened their group chat.

Natsusawa: Anyone know where Hoshina lives?

Usami: Why? I don’t know.

Natsusawa: She’s drunk and I don’t know where to take her home.

Usami: Oooohh…

Rintaro: I think Kaoruko’s already asleep. Try asking Madoka.

Ayato: Madoka can’t come to the phone right now.

Natsusawa: Why? Where is she?

Ayato: She’s still streaming. I’m watching her right now.

Usami: I’m watching it too.

Ayato: Stop commenting, Usami. She’s pissed.

Usami: Hey! I’m helping her gain more views.

Ayato: She’s shouting at me to tell you to stop.

Usami: What? Shouting at you? You’re together? Where are you????

Natsusawa: Can we go back to the topic?

Usami: Sorry dude, gotta go. Ayato, where are you? In her apartment?

Ayato: She’s in mine. Don’t come. I won’t open the door for you. And the train’s already closed.

Usami: You’re such a piece of crap, Ayato.

Rintaro: Hey. Madoka’s here too.

Usami: Unsent a message.

Rintaro: Just take her, Saku. It’s already 2 AM. It’s safer to take her to your place.

Natsusawa let out a deep sigh as he read through their conversation. It was clear his friends were no help at all, especially with Usami and Ayato arguing like they were still in high school. He clenched his jaw in frustration, shoving the phone back into his pocket.

He flagged down a taxi and gently lifted Hoshina into the backseat. The weight of her body against him felt both foreign and familiar at the same time. She was so vulnerable, her body limp and unsteady in his arms. He grabbed her bag, settling into the cab with her, but as soon as they pulled away, the realization hit him. Her phone must still be with Ayumi.

He sent her one last message, not really expecting a reply. He didn’t even look at his phone as he leaned back against the seat, staring out at the blur of the city rushing past him. The sounds of the city were muffled, the hum of the taxi filling the space around them.

He glanced over at Hoshina, still asleep, her silver hair cascading over her face. His chest tightened at the sight of her. Her head rested against the window, but it was the way she looked so peaceful that made him ache. He reached out instinctively, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the warmth of her skin against his fingers sending a rush of heat through him. The contact lingered too long, his heartbeat speeding up, before he jerked his hand back as if it burned.

What was he doing?

The rest of the ride passed in tense silence. When the taxi finally came to a stop, Natsusawa carefully helped Hoshina out, carrying her the short distance to his apartment.

He laid her down on his bed, pulling the covers gently over her. Her breathing was deep, the kind of heavy exhale that indicated some semblance of relief. She shifted slightly and instinctively hugging the pillow beside her. Natsusawa stood by the bedside for a moment, watching her, his chest tightening with a mix of concern and something else—something he refused to acknowledge.

He backed away quietly, shutting the door to his bedroom and moving to the living room, where the sofa felt too far from her, too cold. He stretched out on the couch, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Sleep wouldn’t come easily.

How could it when the girl he liked—who was afraid of men—was sleeping in his apartment, in his bed?

His mind raced. Was it really the right choice to bring her here? What if she woke up and realized where she was? What if she was confused, or worse, scared? He couldn’t deny the fear gnawing at his insides. She’d never been in a situation like this before. She trusted him, but how far could that trust stretch?

He groaned inwardly, clenching his fists at his sides. He didn’t have any other choice now. He had already brought her here, and there was no going back. The guilt and anxiety clawed at him, but he knew he couldn’t do anything about it.

Morning should come quickly, he thought, but even that didn’t feel like an answer. What would he do when she woke up?

Chapter Text

“I’m still not committed to T-University yet,” Natsusawa said, his voice steady but casual as he leaned back in his chair. The group was gathered at Usami’s place for their usual study session, textbooks and notebooks spread out across the table.

Subaru froze at his words, her pencil pausing mid-note. She stared at him as he continued speaking, oblivious to the small storm brewing in her mind.

“Though I’m definitely going to take the academic route,” he added, glancing at his notes as if this decision wasn’t a big deal.

His words caught everyone off guard. Usami and Madoka exchanged surprised glances, while Kaoruko raised an eyebrow. Their reactions were immediate, a mix of shock and curiosity, but Subaru remained silent, her heart sinking.

She knew Natsusawa well—or at least she thought she did. Through their many study sessions and casual conversations, she had learned to read his moods and interpret the subtle shifts in his expressions. She’d seen him deal with everything from Usami and Madoka’s constant bickering to helping his friends navigate their personal struggles. She admired the way he faced challenges, honest and straightforward, even when it wasn’t easy.

But this felt different.

She hadn’t expected this—hadn’t even considered it as a possibility. In her mind, it always included Natsusawa at T-University. It was the backdrop of every little daydream she’d allowed herself to have. She imagined bumping into him between classes, sitting together in the cafeteria, or even just studying in the library like they always did. But now, the picture she’d painted seemed fragile, as though it could shatter at any moment.

And it scared her.

When Natsusawa had hesitated about T-University before, Subaru had brushed it off. She thought it was just nerves or uncertainty, something he’d work through with time. But hearing him openly admit his indecision left her feeling a pang of something she couldn’t quite describe—a mix of disappointment, worry, and, deep down, selfishness.

After the session, she found herself sitting in Kaoruko’s room with Madoka and Kaoruko herself, her head still spinning.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Madoka asked bluntly, breaking the silence as Subaru recounted what had happened earlier.

“Tell him what?” Subaru replied, though she already knew where this was going.

“That you want him to be with you,” Madoka said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Subaru’s face flushed immediately. “No! That’s not—I don’t mean it like that! I can’t just… I can’t do that!”

“Why not?” Kaoruko chimed in, looking genuinely curious.

“Because…” Subaru trailed off, bowing her head as her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “I don’t want to force him to do something he doesn’t want to.”

Madoka leaned forward, her gaze sharp and serious. “Is that really how you feel?”

The question made Subaru’s heart skip a beat. She looked up, startled by the intensity in her friend’s eyes. She opened her mouth to respond, but the words wouldn’t come. Did she mean it? Or was she just afraid of saying what she truly wanted?

“I… I don’t know,” she admitted quietly, her voice barely audible.

Kaoruko reached out and gave her a reassuring pat on the back. “Don’t worry, Subaru. He said he’s still undecided, right? That means the door isn’t closed. Why not just… talk to him subtly about it? He’s already taken the mock exams for T-University, so the idea of him going there isn’t out of the question. You just have to nudge him.”

Subaru managed a small smile at her friend’s encouragement. “Yeah, I get what you mean. Thanks, Kaoruko.”

“Just one thing, Subaru,” Madoka added, her tone serious in a way that made Subaru look up. “I don’t mean to impose, but… try being selfish once in a while.”

The words lingered in the air, and Subaru didn’t quite know how to respond. Selfish? She wasn’t sure she understood what Madoka meant, but something about it struck a chord. She simply nodded, not trusting herself to say anything more.

As she walked home later that evening, her thoughts were a tangled mess. Natsusawa’s uncertainty, Madoka’s advice, Kaoruko’s reassurance—it all swirled in her mind, leaving her feeling conflicted yet determined.

Maybe, just maybe, she’d find the courage to say something. But for now, she held onto the hope that things would work out, one way or another.

Days passed, and the weight of finals bore down on Subaru like a looming shadow. The second mock exam was just two weeks away, and the pressure was beginning to suffocate her. No matter how much she tried to focus on her studies, her thoughts were a whirlwind of equations, essays, and expectations.

By Friday afternoon, she’d had enough. A little break for the night wouldn’t hurt—at least that’s what she told herself as she walked home from school. Once inside, she changed into something comfortable, grabbed the latest Weekly Shonen Jump from her desk, and decided to visit one of her usual cafés.

The air outside was crisp, carrying the faint scent of autumn. Streetlights flickered to life, casting a warm glow that mingled with the soft, golden hues of the setting sun. The sky was painted in shades of orange and pink, and for the first time in what felt like days, Subaru allowed herself to relax, even if only for a moment.

As she strolled down the street, her mind began to drift. She thought about the study group they had last week. Then, her thoughts shifted to the conversation with Madoka and Kaoruko.

Try being selfish once in a while, Madoka had said.

The words echoed in her mind, as if they were a puzzle she couldn’t solve. What did Madoka mean by selfish? Subaru had mulled over it for days but was no closer to an answer. She had wanted to ask her friend to clarify, but something in Madoka’s tone back then made her hesitate. It was as if she wanted her to figure it out on her own, to uncover something she hadn’t realized yet.

But what was it? What was she supposed to discover?

Then, Natsusawa’s face popped to her mind.

He was still weighing his options, unsure of which school to attend, but why wasn’t T-University on his list of considerations? It wasn’t a bad choice at all—in fact, it was one of the most prestigious universities in the entire prefecture. She couldn’t understand why he seemed so dismissive of it. She told herself he’d make up his mind soon. After the mock exams and his conversations with Hidaka, she was sure he would finally reach a decision.

But deep down, she felt a nagging sense of unease.

Was it genuine concern for his future that bothered her? Perhaps. Yet, she couldn’t deny the selfish thread of her worry. She wanted him to choose T-University, not just because it was a great school, but because she would be there. And that made her guilt feel even heavier.

Subaru hadn’t even realized it until her feet stopped, but she was already standing in front of the café she and Natsusawa often visited for their study sessions. The familiar sight made her pause, her fingers tightening around the manga in her hands.

She’d come here without thinking, led by a pull she couldn’t quite name. This café wasn’t just a spot to study anymore. It had become their place—the place where everything about him had shifted in her eyes.

She sighed and dragged herself inside, the soft chime of the door welcoming her as she slipped into their usual corner spot. Sitting down, she opened the manga she’d brought, the familiar characters and panels giving her a temporary escape. She ordered her usual coffee, and for a while, she let herself relax, flipping through the latest volume.

But her focus didn’t last long. After a few minutes, her gaze drifted from the pages to the glass window in front of her. The world outside came into view: people strolling by under the golden glow of the streetlights, some with their families, others with friends or classmates, their laughter and chatter filling the air.

And then, her eyes caught something—or rather, someone.

A dark-haired figure stood just outside the café, looking in through the framed glass window. Subaru froze, her breath hitching as her heart skipped a beat. It was him.

Natsusawa.

It felt unreal, as if her thoughts had conjured him out of thin air. But no, it was really him—standing there, his gaze locked on hers. Time seemed to slow as they stared at each other, the bustling world around them fading into the background.

Her heart raced, thundering in her chest. There was something in his expression—something intense, unspoken, that made her stomach flutter. She couldn’t look away, and for a moment, she wondered if he felt the same pull, the same magnetic force drawing them closer.

As if he’d read her mind, Natsusawa began to move.

He walked toward the door, his movements deliberate yet unhurried, never breaking their gaze. The bell above the entrance chimed softly, and Subaru’s head instinctively turned toward the sound.

And then he was there, standing inside the café, his eyes still on hers.

“Welcome!” the barista called out cheerfully, the sound breaking the moment and cutting through the intensity of their locked gazes.

Both Subaru and Natsusawa jolted slightly, as if snapped out of a trance. Natsusawa glanced toward the counter briefly before making his way to her table. He slid into the seat beside her, setting his bag down.

“Hey,” he greeted, his voice soft, almost tentative.

“Hi,” Subaru replied, her tone equally quiet. Now that he was sitting next to her, everything she’d been thinking seemed to vanish into thin air, leaving her tongue-tied.

“What are you doing?” he asked, nodding toward the manga she was holding, even though the answer was obvious.

“Reading…” she said, her voice barely audible. The air between them felt heavy with unspoken words, and the awkwardness made her want to crawl into her chair and disappear.

For a moment, she panicked, feeling like it was her responsibility to break the silence. After all, he hadn’t come here because she asked him to—she didn’t even expect to see him tonight.

“What about you?” she asked, desperate to keep the conversation going.

“Shopping,” he answered simply, holding up the paper bag in his hand. “Are you done reading? Am I bothering you? Honestly, I don’t even know why I came inside.”

Subaru couldn’t help but chuckle at his candidness. “No, it’s fine. I was just resting my brain.”

“And reading a shonen manga helps with that?” His lips quirked into a half-smile, his eyes warm with curiosity.

“Yes, apparently,” she said with a small laugh.

“That’s interesting,” he replied, his gaze lingering on her for a moment longer than necessary.

“What about you?” Subaru asked, biting her lip nervously. She realized she was starting to mimic his responses, and it made her feel robotic. “Are you done shopping?”

Natsusawa leaned his elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand with a casual air. “Yeah, Mio pushed me into buying her school supplies.” He lifted the paper bag as proof.

“You’re such a good brother,” Subaru said sincerely, her voice carrying a teasing lilt.

His eyes widened, and she caught the faintest hint of redness creeping up his ears. The sight of him flustered like this was rare, and it was so endearing she wanted to keep teasing him just to see that reaction again.

“Stop that,” he muttered, looking away quickly.

Subaru couldn’t hold back her laughter, her shoulders shaking as her amusement spilled out. Natsusawa stared at her then, his gaze softening, as if he was captivated by her laugh. She noticed it but didn’t comment, warmth spreading in her chest at the realization.

This was different. It wasn’t like their usual study sessions where the topics revolved around equations or essays. For the first time, they were talking about anything but academics, and Subaru wanted to stay in this moment for as long as possible.

“Have you had dinner?” Natsusawa asked, standing up and smoothing the front of his jacket. “If not, wanna grab something to eat?”

Subaru’s eyes lit up with excitement, and she quickly began gathering her things. “Sure!”

Natsusawa smiled at her enthusiasm, a small, amused grin playing on his lips. Her cheeks warmed under his gaze, and the way he looked at her made her heart skip a beat.

They stepped outside into the crisp night air. Natsusawa suggested a nearby ramen place he swore by, and Subaru eagerly agreed. As they walked side by side, their shoulders occasionally brushing, Subaru’s heart raced, the chill in the air only amplifying the warmth she felt inside.

It was strange, this feeling—an unfamiliar flutter that only surfaced when Natsusawa was near. She tried to pinpoint when it had started.

Was it during their first study session when he leaned close to explain a particularly confusing topic? At the time, she’d chalked it up to nerves and proximity. But as the weeks passed, that flutter in her chest grew stronger. It wasn’t uncomfortable; in fact, it felt… safe.

She thought back to how, before Natsusawa, the very idea of getting close to a boy had filled her with fear. But with him, that fear melted away. Instead, she found herself drawn to him, as though there was an invisible thread connecting them.

It was confusing, and it scared her a little, but she didn’t want it to stop. Whatever this was, she didn’t want to let go.

“How are you keeping up with Usami and the others?” Subaru asked as soon as they sat down.

Natsusawa raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“With the exams coming up, I’m assuming they’re still asking you for help, even though we had that group study session last week,” she explained, her hands resting lightly on the table.

He chuckled softly. “Ah, they are. But it’s fine.”

Subaru smiled at his nonchalant response. “So you’ll be busy this weekend then.”

“Oh… no, not really. It’s all good. We can still meet on Saturday,” he said with a shrug, his tone relaxed.

“I don’t want to overwork you, though,” she replied, tilting her head slightly as she looked at him.

“I told you, it’s fine,” he said again, his voice steady but with a hint of warmth. “Honestly, it’s more fun to study with you. It motivates me to study more, and it’s refreshing to change the atmosphere.”

Her heart skipped a beat at his words, and she struggled to keep her expression neutral. Before she could respond, Natsusawa seemed to notice her silence and quickly followed up.

“I mean,” he added, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “it’s refreshing to study with someone who’s on the same wavelength. If you catch my drift.”

Subaru arched an eyebrow, a teasing smile tugging at her lips. “Isn’t that a bit offensive to Usami?”

“Hey, it’s not like that!” he protested, leaning forward slightly.

She chuckled, her laugh light and soft. “I’m only joking.”

Natsusawa sighed in mock exasperation, but his smile was undeniable. “You always say it with such a straight face, too.”

“Are my jokes not convincing?” she asked, feigning an offended look.

“Nope,” he replied with a grin. “Not with how you deliver them.”

Subaru leaned forward slightly, her tone playful as she teased, “How should I do it then, Saku-sensei?”

His eyes widened, and a faint blush crept up his ears. The use of his first name caught him completely off guard, and the quiet that followed felt charged, as if the air between them had shifted.

Realizing what she’d said, Subaru’s chest tightened. She hadn’t meant to call him by his first name—it just slipped out—and now they were both sitting there in awkward silence, hearts pounding in sync.

After what felt like an eternity, Natsusawa cleared his throat, visibly pulling himself together. “You should ask Usami or Madoka about that,” he said, his voice a little unsteady but laced with humor. “And please don’t call me sensei.”

Subaru smirked, leaning back in her chair. “Okay… sensei,” she said, her voice dripping with mock seriousness.

Subaru’s laughter rang out, loud and uninhibited, echoing in the cozy diner. Across the table, Natsusawa’s face twisted into an exaggerated smirk, her relentless teasing transforming her features into something almost unrecognizable.

It was strange, even for her, to admit how much he had changed her perspective. Somehow, in the short time they’d grown closer, Natsusawa had brought a lightness into her life she hadn’t realized was missing. She found herself at ease in his company, even when it was just the two of them—perhaps, especially then. Not that she would ever admit it aloud.

Sure, she cherished her moments with Kaoruko and Madoka but there was something about Natsusawa that was… different.

If she had to choose someone to confide in, someone to share the tangled mess of her thoughts with, it was always Natsusawa’s face that came to mind first. That realization startled her at times. For so long, her relationships with men had been complicated. But with him, it wasn’t like that.

It was oddly refreshing—no pretenses, no pressure, just an easy, natural connection. Sitting here, laughing over something silly he’d said, and sharing casual dinners that stretched late into the evening, felt normal. But it wasn’t just normal—it felt right. Like this small, unassuming moment was exactly where she was meant to be.

When their food arrived, they ate in silence, the lively hum of the diner and the comforting taste of the food filling the quiet void between them. Subaru found herself stealing glances at the guy sitting across from her, trying to be discreet but failing miserably. His striking features, ones she never really paid attention to before, seemed to stand out more than ever tonight.

Her eyes trailed to his lashes—long, dark, and naturally curled. It was a detail she wouldn't have noticed in the past, not unless she was looking closely. And here she was, looking far too closely for her own good.

The memory of a study session flashed in her mind, one where some girls passing by had giggled and commented on how handsome he was. Back then, she’d brushed it off, dismissing him as just Natsusawa—the guy she always hung out with.

But now? Now her perception felt like it was being flipped on its head.

Tonight, he looked different—more refreshing, somehow. His face seemed softer in the warm glow of the diner lights, his usual calm demeanor drawing her in like never before. Her gaze lingered, caught up in the realization that she had been blind to this side of him all along.

And then their eyes met. She didn’t realize that she was staring too dangerously long.

Her heart stuttered in her chest. He tilted his head slightly, curiosity crossing his face. “Is there a problem?”

“No!” she blurted, her voice unintentionally loud and a little too high-pitched. Heat rushed to her face, painting her cheeks a bright red. She ducked her head, pretending to focus on her plate, though her thoughts were running wild.

How had she not noticed this before? And worse, why was she noticing it now?

Embarrassment clawed at her, making her wish she could sink into the floor and disappear. She couldn’t even bring herself to look up again, not when her mind was filled with the maddening realization that Natsusawa might just be… beautiful.

Stop it, she scolded herself, clenching her chopsticks a little too tightly. Her chest felt tight, and her pulse raced in a way it never had before.

What was happening to her?

“Are you alright, Hoshina?” Natsusawa’s voice broke through her spiraling thoughts. His tone was soft, filled with genuine concern, and it made her heart lurch even more.

She kept her head down, refusing to meet his gaze. She was certain her face was as red as the steam rising from her bowl of ramen.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper.

Natsusawa studied her for a moment longer, but when she didn’t elaborate, he simply nodded and returned to his meal. The sound of his chopsticks tapping against the bowl was the only thing keeping her grounded, though her thoughts continued to spin out of control.

By the time they finished eating, the awkward tension she felt had somewhat faded, though her heart was still unsettled. They left the diner and rode the same train home, standing side by side in a comfortable, familiar silence. The gentle sway of the train made her hyper-aware of how close they were, their shoulders occasionally brushing.

When they reached her stop, she turned to him and offered a quiet goodbye. He smiled and waved as the train doors slid shut, leaving her staring after him as the car pulled away.

It wasn’t until she was halfway down the street to her house that the realization struck her. She’d completely forgotten to ask him about his college plans—something she’d intended to bring up all evening. The whole dinner, her thoughts had been consumed by her own confusing feelings, leaving her usual priorities to slip through the cracks.

She let out a frustrated sigh, her steps quickening as she tried to shake the strange tension clinging to her. But no matter how hard she tried, the warmth that had bloomed in her chest while sitting across from him refused to fade.

And for the first time, she found herself afraid of what it could mean.

After exams, Subaru and her group of friends decided it was time to unwind and celebrate. Their group chat lit up with messages, each person pitching their own idea for how to spend the upcoming Sunday—a day Subaru had been quietly looking forward to for weeks.

Usami kicked things off. How about the planetarium? he suggested.

Ayato immediately shot it down. Nah, I’ll just fall asleep there, he teased. The two began bickering back and forth, their playful insults filling the chat.

It was Kaoruko who stepped in to restore order. She told everyone that they should vote on where they would want to go. Everyone should suggest a place and whoever gets the most votes wins.

Subaru stared at her phone, the glowing screen reflecting in her wide eyes. After a moment of hesitation, she began typing: I’d like to go to an arboretum.

She had always been fond of trees, shrubs, and flowers—their quiet beauty called to her in a way she couldn’t quite explain. The thought of walking through an arboretum filled her with an almost childlike excitement.

But then doubt crept in. Would her friends find it boring? Compared to the thrill of an amusement park or the carefree fun of a beach, a trip to an arboretum seemed… dull. She sighed and deleted the message, deciding instead to vote for whatever the others wanted.

It was a hard pill to swallow, realizing she often bent her desires to accommodate others. She didn’t mind being a “people pleaser”—or so she told herself—but it stung to admit she avoided confrontation at all costs. Only recently, during their beach trip, had Natsusawa’s unexpected declaration of friendship shaken her out of her shell. His words gave her the courage to continue being a part of the group, even if she still preferred staying in the background.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the soft buzz of her phone.

A new private message from Natsusawa popped up.

Natsusawa: Hey, where did you want to go?

Hoshina: It doesn’t matter. I can always vote to whatever they choose.

Natsusawa: That’s not how it works though…

She smiled, her fingers hovering over the screen before sending a sticker with a cheerful thumbs-up.

Hoshina: It’s fine.

When he didn’t reply, she returned to their group chat.

Usami: Natsusawa and Hoshina, still thinking???

Madoka: Don’t rush them, Usami.

Usami: I’m just asking, why are you mad at me?

Madoka: I’m not.

Usami: You are.

Madoka: I’m not.

Usami: You are.

Madoka: Shut up, Usami. Stop spamming the chat.

Usami: You’re spamming too!

Waguri: Guys… please. 😓

Usami: Sorry!

Subaru laughed as she was reading their messages. She started to type, I’m fine with wherever. But before she could press send, her phone vibrated against her fingers and Natsusawa’s chat popped in the notification. She slid it and saw that he sent her a string of photos of different places. 

Natsusawa: Might as well see where your options are. You can always tell them what you want to do. You don’t have to hold back.

Hoshina: You’re always perceptive and considerate as usual.

She watched as the typing indicator appeared, then disappeared, then appeared again.

Natsusawa: Typing…

Natsusawa: Just pick one. Where do you really want to go?

Her fingers hesitated before typing her truth.

Hoshina: Actually… I want to go to an arboretum. But I don’t think that others would enjoy it.

Natsusawa: Arboretum? What’s that?

Hoshina: It’s like a museum for plants. Like shrubs and trees for educational purposes.

Natsusawa: Well I’m interested. Why don’t you want to tell them?

Hoshina: It’s not as fun.

Natsusawa: Doesn’t matter if we have fun or not. It matters what you want to do. Also, for a group like ours, it’s highly unlikely to not have fun.

Her heart fluttered with his words. Subaru bit her lip, still hesitant.

Hoshina: Thanks, but really, it’s okay.

Natsusawa: How about we think of something related.

Hoshina: Like what?

Natsusawa: Like zoos. Aside from a museum for floras, how about a museum for faunas. That’s interesting enough even for them.

Hoshina: I think that’ll be great.

Natsusawa: You really think so? You’re not forcing yourself? You can be honest with me.

She smiled softly, warmth spreading through her chest.

Hoshina: I’m always honest with you, Natsusawa… the zoo sounds fun.

Natsusawa: Typing…

She watched as the typing indicator danced again. She waited.

Natsusawa: Typing…

And waited.

Natsusawa: Typing…

And waited.

Natsusawa: If you still want to, we can go to an arboretum next time…

Hoshina: I still doubt that’ll be amusing for Usami and the others.

Natsusawa: No.

Natsusawa: I meant… just us.

Her breath caught. Subaru’s cheeks burned as she stared at the screen, overwhelmed by a confusing rush of emotions. They’d hung out plenty during study sessions, but this felt different. Her thoughts flickered back to the ramen shop, where that same strange warmth had settled in her chest. What was this feeling? She wasn’t ready to name it yet.

She contemplated for a whole minute. Then another vibrate from her phone came. It was from their group chat.

Natsusawa: How about the zoo?

Subaru stared at his message for another minute while the others agreed that the zoo was the perfect place for their get-together. She didn’t even have to vote because everybody was enthusiastic.

She bit her lip and clicked on Natsusawa’s message.

Hoshina: Thank you, Natsusawa.

It was vague, maybe too vague. She hadn’t answered his question about the arboretum—she couldn’t. The thought of going with just him, of sharing a space where their conversations would drift away from the safety of textbooks and formulas, left her feeling exposed. What if there was nothing else to say?

She stared at her phone, her heart racing. Was she enough for his time? What if he realized she wasn’t as interesting, as lively, as fun outside of their academically driven talks? The possibility gnawed at her, a tiny voice whispering doubts into her mind.

But another thought lingered, softer yet persistent. What if… she was enough? What if he already saw something in her worth spending time with, something she had yet to see in herself?

Still, she couldn’t answer.

Saturday came like a breeze. As planned, Subaru and Natsusawa were meeting for their study session. The second mock exam for T-University was just around the corner, and Subaru was determined to buckle down. But today, she had a secondary goal—something more personal.

Natsusawa had been hesitant about his college plans, and Subaru had finally worked up the courage to ask him about it. Or, rather, to encourage him to consider T-University. She arrived at their usual café thirty minutes early, unusually punctual even for her. She always made it a point to arrive before Natsusawa, but today, her heart raced for a different reason.

It wasn’t just about academics anymore. Over the past few meet-ups, something had changed.

Natsusawa lingered in her thoughts far more than she wanted to admit. His quiet confidence, his rare but warm smiles—they’d wormed their way into her mind, and now, standing outside the café, she felt nervous for reasons that had little to do with studying.

To distract herself, she opened the group chat she shared with Kaoruko and Madoka. The three of them had talked last night, and Subaru had confessed her plan to bring up T-University to Natsusawa today.

Kaoruko: Did you get there fine, Subaru?

Subaru: Yes, I did. I’m still nervous, though.

Madoka: Don’t worry! Just be honest. Remember what I told you.

Subaru: What’s that?

Madoka: Try being selfish. ;)

Kaoruko: Good luck with the study session, Subaru! You’ve got this!

Kaoruko sent a cheerful “good luck” sticker, and Subaru couldn’t help but smile. Her friends always knew how to lift her spirits, but the fluttering in her chest refused to settle.

Lost in thought, she jumped when a voice interrupted her.

“Hey, are you alone?”

Two unfamiliar guys had approached her, their presence sudden and unwelcome. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest, and panic rooted her feet to the ground. This wasn’t the first time strangers had approached her, but that didn’t make it any easier.

She averted her gaze, hoping they’d take the hint, but the taller one stepped closer.

“Do you want us to wait with you? We can talk while you’re waiting.”

Subaru’s throat tightened, her voice caught somewhere between fear and hesitation. She gripped her phone tightly, glancing at the street and silently waiting for Natsusawa to turn to the corner.

“She’s not answering you,” the second guy remarked with a smirk.

“She’s just playing hard to get,” the first one replied casually, his tone dripping with unwelcome confidence.

Subaru stared at them blankly, her mind racing. This was not how she wanted her day to start. A sharp discomfort twisted in her stomach.

“I don’t want to,” she said firmly, her voice steady despite the lump forming in her throat.

The taller one raised an eyebrow, his smile faltering.

“Hey, that’s no way to talk to someone just being friendly,” he said, his tone shifting to something darker.

The other one chimed in, undeterred. “Come on, we can sit over there and talk. We’re not gonna bite.” His persistence was grating, and before she could pull away, he reached out and grabbed her arm.

Subaru froze. The unwelcome contact sent a wave of panic through her body, and her heart pounded in her chest like a warning alarm. Her fingers clenched tightly around her phone as she struggled to find her voice. The café door now felt too far away, and her usual composure slipped through her fingers like sand.

“Hey. What’s going on here?”

Natsusawa’s voice cut through the tension like a blade. He appeared almost like her mind had conjured him. Subaru turned to look at him, and for a moment, she saw his expression darken—his usual calm replaced by something far more serious.

Relief washed over her, easing the tightness in her chest. The fear that had gripped her moments ago seemed to dissipate in an instant.

Without hesitation, Natsusawa grabbed the arm of the guy holding her, his grip firm but controlled. He stepped between her and the two strangers, his stance protective and unwavering.

“Get the hint. She doesn’t want to,” he said, his voice low but heavy with authority.

The guy clicked his tongue in annoyance, muttering something under his breath as he let go and stalked off, his companion following close behind. Subaru watched them retreat, her heart still pounding, but for a different reason now.

“Thanks, Natsusawa,” she murmured, her voice shaky but filled with relief.

He turned to face her, his brows furrowed in concern. “I’m sorry. If I’d gotten here sooner, this wouldn’t have happened.”

She shook her head quickly, offering a small, reassuring smile. “Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault.”

Natsusawa’s lips pressed into a thin line, his worry evident. “Still… you shouldn’t have had to deal with that.” He paused, glancing at her as they began walking toward the café. “Don’t blame yourself either. You’re working on it. It takes time.”

Subaru nodded, his words settling in her chest like a warm blanket. She looked down, hesitating for a moment before speaking again. “Thank you, Natsusawa. I… I always feel safe when you’re around.”

Her words made him pause for a split second. He reached out, giving her shoulder a gentle pat, the corners of his mouth lifting into the faintest smile. And with that, they walked into the café, the unease from earlier fading into the background like a bad memory she was ready to leave behind.

Hours passed, and their study session unfolded like it always did. Despite the unease that had clung to her earlier, the rhythm of their routine had a calming effect. Whenever Subaru struggled with a problem or couldn’t grasp a concept, Natsusawa was there, answering her questions with his usual patience.

She glanced up at the clock above the café’s service door, noticing the time. It was getting late, and soon they’d have to pack up and leave.

Her stomach twisted with a twinge of regret. She hadn’t found the right moment to ask him about T-University. Between their studying and occasional small talk, the opportunity had slipped away. Should I ask tomorrow? She wondered. But the thought of bringing it up at the zoo, with the others around, made her hesitate. She didn’t want anyone overhearing something so personal.

Her mind drifted, swirling with possibilities and what-ifs, until Natsusawa’s voice suddenly broke through her thoughts.

“Why do you like manga so much?” he asked, his tone light but genuinely curious.

Subaru blinked, caught off guard by the unexpected question. Then she smiled, the heaviness in her chest lifting just a little.

“Am I not allowed to like it?” she teased, raising an eyebrow.

“No, no, it’s not that,” he said quickly, waving a hand in defense. “It’s just… unexpected.”

She laughed softly and leaned back in her chair, letting herself relax. “It’s my escape, I guess. After spending hours buried in textbooks, it’s nice to dive into something fun and lighthearted. It boosts my endorphins.”

“That’s fair,” he said with a nod, his expression thoughtful. “I can see how that’d help.”

“What about you?” she asked, tilting her head. “Don’t you like anime or manga? I thought most guys were into that kind of thing.”

He chuckled, a small grin tugging at his lips. “I don’t dislike it, but I’m not as into it as Usami. He’s the real anime expert.”

 “Madoka, too,” she added, “I can totally see the two of them geeking out together.”

“Yeah,” Natsusawa agreed. “They’d probably go on for hours about their favorite shows. Usami’s already tried to explain some series to me, but half the time, I have no idea what he’s talking about.”

The conversation flowed easily between them, the comfort of their usual rhythm soothing the nerves that had lingered in her chest all day. Yet Subaru couldn’t ignore the chance in front of her—it felt like now or never.

She glanced at him, summoning the courage she’d built up for this moment. “So… are you still undecided?”

Natsusawa tilted his head, a hint of curiosity flashing in his eyes. “About what?”

“College,” she clarified, keeping her tone steady even as her heart pounded. “Are you still unsure about T-University?”

Her words seemed to catch him off guard. He paused, his brows furrowing slightly as he processed her question. The hesitation in his expression made her chest tighten. Was she prying too much?

“Yeah,” he admitted at last, his voice carrying a trace of guilt. “I know you asked me about it when we studied at Usami’s place, but I’m still undecided. Sorry I don’t have a clear answer yet.”

Subaru felt a small smile tug at her lips. She didn’t want him to feel pressured—it wasn’t about that.

“That’s okay,” she said softly, her gaze steady but warm. “I was just curious if you’d made up your mind. Take your time. It’s a big decision, after all.”

“Thanks,” he replied, his voice genuine. But as silence stretched between them, she noticed a flicker of something else in his expression—hesitation, as though he was holding back.

Then he spoke, his question catching her off guard.

“Why does it matter to you?”

Her breath hitched. The straightforwardness of his words made her chest tighten. She bit her lip, trying to mask the sudden swirl of emotions. How was she supposed to answer that? For a moment, she considered brushing it off with a joke or a vague response.

Then out of the blue, she remembered Madoka’s advice. Try to be selfish sometimes.

Subaru let out a quiet sigh, gathering her thoughts before meeting his gaze. “I guess I just… hoped we’d end up in the same place,” she admitted. “Studying together has been nice, you know? It makes me feel less nervous about everything. Like I’m not alone in this.”

The words spilled out before she could stop them, and her cheeks grew warm. She glanced away, wondering if she’d said too much. But when he didn’t respond right away, she felt the need to explain further.

“But those are just excuses,” she added quickly, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her notebook.

“Excuses for what?” he asked, his tone gentle yet probing.

Her heart pounded, the vulnerability of the moment threatening to overwhelm her. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to continue. “I… I just want to see you there,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve always imagined bumping into you in the hallways or grabbing lunch or dinner together when we have free time. It’d be nice, that’s all.”

The room felt impossibly quiet as her words hung in the air. Subaru dared a glance at him, her pulse racing as she waited for his response.

For a moment, his expression was unreadable, but then his features softened.

“Yeah,” he said finally, his voice quieter than usual. “We can make that happen.”

Her eyes widened, a spark of hope lighting in her chest. “Really? That’d be amazing!” she said, a smile breaking across her face. “But… no pressure, okay? It’s still your decision.”

“Yeah,” he repeated, his lips curving into a small, reassuring smile. “No pressure.”

Subaru’s heart felt lighter than it had in weeks, the weight of her worries melting away—at least for now. Before she could savor the moment, he nodded slowly, his expression growing thoughtful.

“I’m still thinking about which program I should take,” Natsusawa admitted, his voice quieter now, almost like he was confessing a secret. “Even now, I’m not sure if I should just… take the easier route.”

Subaru studied him, noticing the faint crease in his brow and the way he exhaled deeply, as though carrying a weight she hadn’t fully realized. “I doubt anything’s really hard for you,” she said lightly, hoping to ease his mind.

He chuckled softly, though her words seemed to tug at something deeper within him. “Everyone says that, but that’s kind of the problem. I feel like I could manage any science program if I put my mind to it, but… I don’t see myself doing it for the rest of my life.”

Her chest tightened at the vulnerability in his voice. Without thinking, she nudged his shoulder gently, the playful gesture a quiet reassurance. She leaned her elbow on the table, resting her head on her hand as her gaze settled on him.

“You know what I think?” she said.

“What?” he asked, his curiosity piqued.

“I think you’d make a great teacher,” she said, a small smile curving her lips.

Natsusawa blinked, clearly taken aback. For a moment, he simply stared at her, processing her words. “A teacher?”

She nodded, her smile widening. “Yeah. You’re patient, you explain things so well, and you always make people feel like they’re capable. Like they’re not alone.”

His eyes softened, a faint blush creeping up his neck. “I don’t know about all that,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

Subaru laughed, the sound light and genuine. “You don’t see it, but it’s true. You’ve been helping me all this time, and honestly, I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.”

Her words hung in the air, and for a moment, the world outside the café seemed to fade away. Natsusawa gave her a small, almost shy smile. “Thanks, Subaru. That… means a lot.”

Subaru felt her heart swell, warmth spreading through her chest. Maybe, just maybe, they were both helping each other more than they realized.

“Don’t worry,” Natsusawa said, his voice steady but soft. “I’ll tell you when I’ve made a decision.”

“Okay…” Subaru replied, her voice barely above a whisper, unsure of what else to say.

There was a pause, and Subaru noticed him biting his lip, as if debating something. His gaze flickered away briefly before returning to her.

“And anyway… about the other night,” he began, his tone a little hesitant. “I’m sorry if I sounded pushy.”

The words caught her off guard, and it took a moment for her to register what he was referring to. Then it hit her—their phone conversation. The one where he’d invited her to the arboretum. She hadn’t responded to his invitation, and now, guilt twisted in her chest.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go. In fact, she did—desperately. The idea of spending time with him outside their usual settings, just the two of them, sounded wonderful. But the doubt she carried had crept in, whispering fears into her ear. What if it was awkward? What if he realized she wasn’t fun to be around?

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Natsusawa continued, his tone careful, as though he didn’t want to put any pressure on her. “I just thought… I thought you were already comfortable with me.”

Subaru’s eyes widened in surprise, her heart sinking. He’d gotten it all wrong. It wasn’t that she wasn’t comfortable with him. If anything, she felt more at ease around him than she did with most people. But hearing him say those words made her realize how her silence might have been misinterpreted.

“No, it’s not that,” she said quickly. Her cheeks flushed, and she fidgeted with the edge of her notebook, unable to meet his gaze right away. “I’m happy whenever we’re together.”

Natsusawa blinked.

Subaru took a deep breath, gathering the courage to continue. “I would love to go… if you’re fine being with me… alone.” The words tumbled out, her voice growing quieter with each syllable, but they hung in the air nonetheless.

She dared to glance up at him, and the warmth in his expression made her heart skip a beat. His lips curled into a small, genuine smile, and his eyes seemed to soften in a way that sent a wave of reassurance through her.

“Of course I’m fine with that,” he said gently, his voice carrying a warmth that melted her lingering insecurities. “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”

Subaru felt the tension in her chest loosen, replaced by a nervous fluttering she couldn’t quite contain. “Then… let’s go,” she said, her lips curving into a tentative but sincere smile. “The arboretum sounds nice.”

“It’s a plan, then,” Natsusawa said, his smile widening just a little, as if her agreement meant more to him than he was letting on.

Subaru felt her heart racing, but it wasn’t from fear anymore. This time, it was from excitement—a quiet anticipation that filled the space between them. For the first time, she felt like she’d taken a step forward, and as Natsusawa’s gaze lingered on hers, she wondered if maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way.

Chapter Text

After their lively time at the zoo, the gang decided to head to the shrine Waguri had suggested. It wasn’t far from the zoo, and the idea of spending part of the day with a serene visit seemed appealing to everyone.

“Thanks, Natsusawa. You’re like our very own GPS,” Waguri joked, trailing behind him as he confidently led the group through the quiet streets.

The neighborhood they walked through was peaceful, almost untouched by the bustle of visitors. The streets were narrow but clean, lined with old wooden fences and the occasional small garden. The quiet felt like a blanket, soft and comforting, and Natsusawa found himself relaxing in a way he hadn’t expected.

But even as the stillness wrapped around him, his thoughts wandered—drifting back to yesterday’s conversation with Hoshina. Her words, her expression, even the slightest hesitation in her voice replayed in his mind like a looping reel.

He wasn’t sure he could handle going to the same university as Hoshina. What scared him wasn’t the prospect of seeing her every day but the possibility that his feelings would deepen to the point of no return.

Natsusawa glanced back at the group to make sure everyone was still following. Hoshina was chatting with Ayato, her eyes lighting up as she gestured animatedly about something. She was so effortlessly radiant, so alive, that it made his chest tighten.

He wanted her to thrive.

To discover herself, meet new people, and grow in ways he couldn’t imagine. The thought made him grip the strap of his bag tighter. He’d already crossed the line once, asking her to go to the arboretum together. He didn’t even know what he had been thinking when he suggested it.

Was he planning to confess? The idea felt ridiculous now.

Natsusawa knew himself well enough to admit that he wasn’t thinking clearly when he was around her. She had this way of pulling him into the moment, of making him do things he wouldn’t normally do. And yet, burdening her with his unspoken feelings? That was a line he couldn’t cross.

Still, now that she’d agreed to the trip, there was no turning back. He told himself this would be the last time he’d be selfish. Just one more day with her, one more memory to hold onto when she inevitably moved on to the waves of life.

As the shrine came into view, nestled among the trees with its worn stone steps leading up to the entrance, Natsusawa let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

One more trip. One more chance to be close to her. Because, deep down, he knew. He knew his feelings would never be returned. It would take a stroke of luck, or even a miracle, for Hoshina to ever see him in the same light.

And miracles weren’t something he believed in.

The group lined up in front of the shrine, each clasping their hands together in silent prayer. The soft rustle of leaves and the faint chirping of distant birds filled the quiet as one by one, they closed their eyes and prayed for success in their upcoming entrance exams.

When Natsusawa finished, he lowered his hands and stepped back, glancing instinctively toward the other end of the line. There she was, standing with her eyes shut tight, her lips moving ever so slightly as though whispering a private plea to the heavens.

She looked so focused, so sincere, that he found himself unable to look away. Her brows knit slightly as if pouring all her hopes and determination into that one moment of prayer. The sight tugged at something deep in his chest.

“She’s really serious, huh?” Rintaro said, his voice low as the group gathered near the steps to wait for Hoshina.

“She’s so serious about getting into T-University,” Ayato added with a small nod, his tone almost admiring.

“Absolutely,” Waguri chimed in, adjusting the strap of his bag. “If you see her school, you’ll probably catch her studying even during breaks.”

Madoka laughed, her voice light and teasing. “Yeah, good luck trying to talk to her when she’s in hyper-focus mode. She zones out the world entirely.”

Natsusawa only half-listened, his gaze flickering back to Hoshina as she remained the last one still praying. She exhaled softly, unclasping her hands before finally stepping back to join the group. But even as she approached, her expression still held a trace of the earnestness that had captivated him moments ago.

“You guys done?” Hoshina asked casually, smoothing the hem of her jacket as she joined them.

“Finally!” Usami teased. “What were you praying for, world peace?”

Hoshina grinned, brushing off the comment. “Maybe.”

As the group began to chatter, Natsusawa caught Madoka watching him from the corner of his eye. She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head slightly.

“So…” she began, leaning toward him just enough for her voice to remain private. “Did anything happen yesterday?”

“What?” Natsusawa blinked, caught off guard. His gaze darted between Hoshina—now talking with Waguri—and Madoka. “No, nothing. We just studied.”

“Uh-huh,” Madoka replied, her voice dripping with skepticism. “She didn’t say anything?”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. College, maybe?”

Natsusawa hesitated for a moment. “She asked if I was planning on going to T-University.”

“And?” Madoka’s tone was pointed now, almost as though she already knew there was more to the story.

“I told her that if I made up my mind, she’d be the first person I’d tell.”

“That’s it?”

He frowned slightly, unsure why she seemed so dissatisfied with his answer. “Yeah. That’s it. What else was I supposed to say?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Ayato’s ears perk at the conversation, and even Rintaro, who was in the middle of chatting with Waguri, seemed to shift his attention toward them.

Madoka let out an exaggerated sigh, shaking her head in mock disbelief. “You two are hopeless, you know that?”

“What?” Natsusawa asked, his confusion growing.

“Nothing, nothing.” She waved him off and ran beside Usami.

The last stop for the day was the beach—the place where everything had started. The salty breeze greeted them as they approached, carrying with it the sound of gentle waves lapping against the shore. Usami, bursting with energy, darted ahead toward the entrance, his voice ringing out as he called for the others to hurry up.

The group trailed behind him, their steps slower, more deliberate. They began to reminisce, voices filled with nostalgia as they talked about how it had already been a year since their last visit.

“It feels like forever ago,” Waguri said, gazing at the expanse of shimmering water.

“Yeah, but at the same time, it feels like no time has passed at all,” Ayato added, his hands tucked into his pockets as he glanced at the familiar shoreline.

Natsusawa walked a little behind the group, his head slightly bowed. The conversation around him faded into the background as his thoughts drifted. A year. An entire year since they had stood here, and so much had changed. He couldn’t help but think about how Hoshina had been back then—timid, uncertain, standing apart from the group like an outsider looking in.

And yet, she had overcome those fears. She had taken that brave first step, choosing to trust them, to trust him. It was courageous, and he had been quietly watching her grow ever since.

I thought of you as a friend already, he remembered telling her once. The words had been simple, yet they had meant everything at the time.

Now, as he looked ahead, he noticed Madoka walking beside Waguri, her smile bright as the sun above them. She hadn’t been part of the group back then, but now she fit in seamlessly.

“Thanks for letting me tag along despite being the newest recruit!” Madoka said cheerfully, clapping her hands together.

“You’re part of the group now, Madoka,” Rintaro replied with a grin.

The others joined in, sharing snippets of memories from their last trip to the beach. Laughter bubbled up, light and carefree, but Natsusawa remained quiet, his mind wandering.

Rintaro glanced back at him, his gaze questioning but not intrusive. For whatever reason, he didn’t press Natsusawa, choosing instead to stroll along the beach with Waguri at his side.

Natsusawa’s eyes lifted to the horizon. The sun was still high in the sky, but its descent had begun, painting the world in warm hues of orange and gold. He found himself staring at the waves, their rhythmic rise and fall mirroring the restless churn of his thoughts.

A sudden burst of laughter drew his attention back to the group. Usami had grabbed Rintaro’s arm and was attempting to drag him toward the water.

“Stop pulling!” Rintaro protested, trying to resist but failing miserably as Usami’s enthusiasm won out.

“We better go after them,” Waguri declared, already moving to follow.

Madoka skipped ahead with a playful grin. “Don’t leave me behind!”

“You think they’re going to splash water at each other like last year?” Ayato asked, glancing at Natsusawa with a smirk.

“Good chance,” Natsusawa replied, the corners of his lips twitching into a faint smile.

The group’s laughter echoed across the shore as they waded into the water, their carefree energy infectious. Natsusawa stood at the edge of the sand, his shoes sinking slightly into the damp ground as he watched his friends. A quiet smile lingered on his face, but his mind wandered once again.

He was jolted back to reality by the sudden chill of water splashing against his feet. Startled, he looked down at the rippling waves, then up at the culprit.

Hoshina stood a few feet away, a sheepish smile playing on her lips.

“Ah, sorry,” she said, tucking a strand of silver hair behind her ear. “I just… felt like giving it a shot. To return the favor from last year, you know?”

The memory surfaced instantly—how he had playfully splashed her feet during their last trip.

“Right, I did that to you,” he said with a thin smile. “You remembered?”

“Of course,” she replied softly. “I could never forget what happened that day.”

She stepped closer, the cold water swirling around her ankles as she gazed out at the horizon. “I’ll remember it for the rest of my life, I’m sure.”

Natsusawa’s chest tightened at her words. He stayed silent, the sound of the waves filling the space between them. Her presence was steady, grounding, and yet it stirred something turbulent inside him.

“Now that I think about it…” he began, breaking the silence, “when we went to the shrine earlier today, you were praying really intensely, no? You had your eyes closed for the longest out of all of us.”

Hoshina turned to him, her expression thoughtful. “I do feel bad for making the rest of you wait, but… the exams are just that important, after all.”

He moved forward, stepping past her as his gaze flickered to the shimmering reflection of the sun in the sea. “Even I know how hard you’re working. Surely, that god must be watching you properly, right? You’ll be fine, I’m sure.”

For a moment, she said nothing, her gaze fixed on the horizon. Then, her voice broke the stillness.

“And… what about you?”

He glanced at her, surprised. “Oh, you mean my choice of university?”

The weight of her question settled heavily in the air. He thought back to their conversation the day before, her words of encouragement, her quiet belief in him. But despite it all, uncertainty lingered. He wanted to make the right choice—for both of them.

“You’re worried about me, right?” he said after a moment, his voice gentle. “But you don’t have to be. This is an important time for all of us, so you should focus on yourself.”

He exhaled softly, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “You seriously are too kind for your own good.”

“Worry… well, that might be part of it,” she admitted, stepping closer. “Just like what we talked about yesterday. I kind of assumed that we’d actually be going to the same university.”

She hesitated, her fingers brushing against her hair as she looked away. “Honestly speaking? I guess… I was a bit… disappointed. Having you by my side makes me feel at ease, after all.”

Natsusawa froze, his breath catching. The sun dipped lower, its golden light setting her silver hair aglow. For a moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them.

Her words echoed in his mind, stirring a warmth that spread through his chest, quick and overwhelming.

“Seriously?” he murmured, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.

Their eyes met, and he felt a pull—an ache to close the distance, to tell her everything he’d been holding back. But instead, he let the moment linger, her words settling into his heart like a quiet flame.

“Well… I’m happy to hear that,” he said, a soft smile of relief curving his lips. His eyes lingered on her flushed face, the gentle hues of the sunset painting her features with a radiant glow.

The warmth of her words still echoed in his chest, easing the knots of doubt and uncertainty that had weighed him down for so long. If she truly wanted him to be by her side, then maybe—just maybe—that was enough.

For the first time in what felt like forever, his anxiety ebbed away, replaced by a quiet sense of peace.

Hoshina shifted under his gaze, tucking a loose strand of silver hair behind her ear. “What is it?” she asked, her voice soft, almost uncertain.

“Nothing,” he replied, shaking his head with a chuckle. “It’s just… hearing that from you makes me feel a lot better.”

She blinked, surprised, and then a small, shy smile touched her lips. “I didn’t mean to make you feel better,” she teased lightly. “I was just being honest.”

He let out another laugh, the sound light and unburdened. “Honest or not, I’ll take it.”

For a moment, they stood there in silence, the waves gently lapping at their feet. The rest of the group’s laughter echoed faintly in the background, but neither of them moved. The world around them seemed distant, as if this moment existed just for the two of them.

Natsusawa glanced back at the horizon, watching as the sun dipped lower, its light scattering across the water like a thousand tiny stars. He breathed deeply, the salty air filling his lungs, and allowed himself to stay in this fleeting moment a little longer.

“Let’s go,” he said finally, his voice softer now, almost a whisper.

“Yeah,” she replied, her smile still lingering.

Natsusawa opened his eyes, the dim light of the dark room meeting him like a cold whisper. His chest felt heavy, his thoughts still adrift in the remnants of an unusual dream—a dream that had pulled him back to their moments at the beach last year.

The vivid memory remained, a bittersweet reminder of the last time he was truly with Hoshina. After that day, life had swept them up in its relentless current. Preparations for entrance exams, followed by the semester, had created a gap between them.

Her presence barely reachable.

He sighed and shifted his head to the side, only to freeze.

A pair of emerald orbs stared back at him, wide and curious. It was Hoshina. She was leaning over him, her finger gently poking his cheek.

“You were talking in your sleep,” she said, her voice soft yet teasing as she continued her playful prodding.

Startled, Natsusawa grabbed her hand, his heart racing as he glanced at the clock. “What are you doing? It’s still 4 a.m.”

“Sorry…” she mumbled, her voice still slurry, clearly affected by exhaustion. “I needed to go to the bathroom, so I tried waking you. But you were sound asleep. You even kept calling my name...”

“W-what…” he stammered, bolting upright as heat rushed to his face. “No, it was… it was nothing. You misheard me.”

He tried to deny it, but deep down, he knew better. His dream had been about her, and it wasn’t far-fetched to think he might have actually called her name. The thought made him want to sink into the bed and disappear.

“The bathroom is beside the bedroom, to your left,” he said quickly, motioning toward the door to redirect her attention.

Hoshina nodded and stood, wobbling slightly as she made her way toward the bathroom. But just as she opened the door, she slumped to the ground, her hand clutching the doorframe as she leaned forward and began to vomit into the toilet.

Natsusawa’s stomach dropped at the sound, and he immediately sprang to his feet. “Why did you even drink so much?” he muttered under his breath as he rushed to her side.

Kneeling beside her, he gently gathered her hair, holding it back as she emptied the contents of her stomach. Her breathing was ragged, her body trembling slightly from the effort. He wanted to scold her, to tell her how reckless it was, but he knew his words would be meaningless in her current state. Instead, he sighed and made a mental note to lecture her once the sun was up.

When she finally finished, she leaned back against the wall, her face pale and tired. “God, this is embarrassing,” she murmured, her voice barely audible as she clung to his shoulder for support.

“Just sleep,” Natsusawa said, helping her to her feet. “The headache will subside once you do.”

She nodded weakly, and together, they made their way back to his bedroom. Hoshina sat on the edge of the bed, cradling her head in her hands while Natsusawa hurried to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. When he returned, she drank it in one go, her trembling fingers clutching the glass tightly.

“Tell me everything later,” he said, his tone firm yet gentle as he pushed her to lie down. He pulled the blanket over her, tucking her in with surprising tenderness.

But just as he turned to leave, her hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“Why are you avoiding me, Natsusawa?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, yet it cut through him like a blade. Her grip on his hand tightened, as if she was afraid he would slip away.

“I wasn’t…” he began.

“You are,” she insisted, her voice trembling. Her emerald eyes glistened, and he realized, with a pang in his chest, that she was on the verge of tears. “You don’t talk to me at school. You don’t answer my messages. I even needed Ayumi to call you.”

Natsusawa’s throat tightened, his mind scrambling for a response. Was this really how she felt? He had thought his distance would make things easier for both of them, yet here she was, confronting him with raw honesty he wasn’t prepared for.

“You weren’t this far away, Natsusawa… Even when we were at different schools before, you weren’t this far away…” Her voice cracked, the pain in her words piercing through him. “We’re in the same school now, but you’re pulling away.”

He stared at her, his heart pounding as he watched a tear slip down her cheek. Her frustration, her sadness—it was all laid bare before him.

“I hate it, Saku…”

His breath hitched at the sound of his first name falling from her lips. Everything about this moment was overwhelming: the way she held his hand, the way her voice trembled with desperation, the way her eyes searched his for answers he couldn’t give.

What the hell was happening? When had she started feeling this way? Was he really the cause of her frustration? He had only been trying to protect himself, to keep his feelings at bay, to avoid the painful expectation that she might never feel the same. But now…

“What is this, Hoshina?” he asked, his voice low and filled with genuine confusion.

Her eyes, once filled with hope, dimmed as she released his hand and turned away from him. “Nothing… just drunk,” she muttered, her tone flat and resigned.

Natsusawa stood there, frozen in place, unsure of what to do or say. The sight of her curled up on his bed, her back turned to him, left him feeling hollow.

“Let’s talk in the morning, Hoshina,” he said finally, his voice quiet but steady. “You’re not in the best state now… I promise I’ll listen.”

She didn’t respond, and after a long moment, he left the room, returning to the couch in the living room.

But sleep eluded him. His mind replayed her words over and over, each one carving deeper into his thoughts. Why had his distance hurt her so much? Why did it matter to her? He had assumed she was busy with law school, that she barely noticed his absence. But now… everything felt like his fault.

Questions filled his mind, each one more overwhelming than the last. And yet, as the night dragged on, no answers came.

The sun was already high in the sky when Natsusawa woke up, its golden rays filtering through the curtains. He sat up abruptly, a pang of panic striking him as his groggy mind pieced together the events of the night before. Throwing off the blanket, he dashed to the bedroom, his heart racing.

But when he pushed the door open, relief flooded through him. Hoshina was still there, curled up on his bed, her arms wrapped snugly around his pillow. Her hair fell messily over her face, but her expression was serene. Her slow, steady breathing filled the quiet room, and it was clear she was deep in sleep, her exhaustion from the night before still weighing heavily on her.

He let out a soft sigh, leaning against the doorframe. For a moment, he had been worried she might’ve snuck out, unable to face him after everything she’d said in her drunken state. But here she was. Still here.

Stepping closer, Natsusawa studied her sleeping figure, his thoughts swirling. Why had she drunk so much last night? Knowing Hoshina, she wasn’t the type to be reckless or impulsive. Had something pushed her to the edge? Something so overwhelming that it led her to rely on alcohol for relief?

His chest tightened at the thought. Whatever it was, he needed to ask her about it. He had promised he’d listen.

But that promise made him nervous. The memory of her words—her frustration, her tears—was still fresh in his mind. He didn’t know how he’d respond if she brought it up again, but he owed it to her to face the conversation head-on.

By the time he left the room, it was already two in the afternoon. Determined to make things more comfortable for her, he busied himself in the kitchen, cooking a simple meal for the both of them. The aroma of miso soup and freshly grilled fish filled the air, and for a moment, he allowed himself to relax, imagining the two of them sitting down and eating together like nothing had happened.

But time passed. The food sat on the table, growing cold. Hoshina still didn’t emerge from his room. He glanced at the clock as the hours ticked by, the light outside fading into the deep orange of twilight.

When night fell, the sound of the bedroom door creaking open startled him.

He looked up to see Hoshina stepping out, her silver hair slightly disheveled and her expression hesitant.

“Hi,” she greeted softly, her voice scratchy from sleep but warm nonetheless.

“Hey,” Natsusawa replied, trying to keep his tone casual despite the weight in the air. “How do you feel?”

“Much better…” she muttered, rubbing the back of her neck. Her emerald eyes flickered toward him briefly before darting away. “Thanks, Natsusawa.”

“No problem,” he said, though the air between them felt heavy and awkward. He cleared his throat, trying to ease the tension. “I, uh… cooked some food earlier. You should eat.”

Hoshina’s gaze shifted to the table, where the untouched plates of food sat waiting. But instead of heading toward them, she hesitated, her body tense.

“No, I probably need to go home,” she said quickly, her voice quieter than usual. She turned toward the door, her movements hurried and uncertain.

Before she could reach it, Natsusawa stepped in front of her, blocking her path.

“You should eat first,” he said firmly, his tone leaving little room for argument. “Your stomach’s empty.”

“It’s fine,” she replied, trying to sidestep him. “I can eat at home.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he steadied himself. “Yesterday, you told me you didn’t want to go home. You asked me to take you with me.”

Hoshina froze, her cheeks flushing at his words. “I didn’t… I don’t remember saying that.”

“You did,” he said, his voice calm but insistent. “And I’m not letting you leave until you’ve eaten something. You need it.”

Her emerald eyes flicked up to meet his, her lips parting as if to argue. But his gaze left no room for protest, and after a long pause, she let out a reluctant sigh.

“Fine,” she muttered, her voice tinged with both annoyance and surrender.

A smirk tugged at the corners of Natsusawa’s lips, though he quickly suppressed it. “Good. Now sit down.”

He gestured toward the table, and she followed his lead, sitting down with a slight pout. As he reheated the food, he couldn’t help but glance at her, noticing how quiet and subdued she seemed.

Whatever had been bothering her last night still lingered, he could tell. And as much as he wanted to dive into the conversation, he decided to wait. First, she needed to eat. Then, they could face whatever had been left unsaid.

Chapter Text

Subaru couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it began, but thoughts of Natsusawa had started to consume her. He lingered in her mind most days, a quiet yet persistent presence, and she found herself craving his attention more and more.

One morning, as she walked down the hallway toward the general assembly hall, she spotted him chatting with one of his blockmates. Her steps quickened instinctively, eager to catch him and say hi. But as soon as his eyes landed on her, he turned the corner, leaving her with nothing more than a fleeting glimpse. It felt like something invisible yet heavy struck her chest, and her hand instinctively clutched her heart. It wasn’t the first time. These moments were happening too often, and she could feel her frustration mounting.

The little gestures that used to connect them were gone. No more good luck stickers. No more "How are you?" messages. Her inbox was barren, the last conversation between them dated from last year when he invited her to the arboretum. That plan never came to fruition. Now, he felt like a ghost—someone who had been close but now seemed impossibly far away.

Had she done something wrong? Was he angry? She didn’t know, and the questions gnawed at her.

Then, another instance occurred. Natsusawa walked past her classroom, peeking inside. His gaze scanned the room until it landed on her, their eyes locking for a brief moment. Her heart skipped, the thump in her chest impossible to ignore. But then, he called out a name—Yukino. Not hers. He didn’t nod, didn’t acknowledge her. He just left, as though the moment between them had never happened.

She tried to convince herself it was nothing. Maybe he didn’t see me, she thought. But deep down, she knew better. He had seen her, and he chose to look away.

It didn’t help that during her general classes, he always seemed to have a reason to talk to Yukino. She knew it was always about school but she couldn’t suppress the pang of envy she felt. At least Yukino got his attention. Subaru, on the other hand, couldn’t even get him to respond when she tried calling out to him. He always walked away before she could say anything.

When Subaru confided in Kaoruko and Madoka during a late-night video call, they didn’t hold back.

“It’s intentional,” Madoka said firmly after a lengthy debate about what might be going on.

“Hey!” Kaoruko cut in, glaring at Madoka.

“But it’s true!” Madoka insisted, throwing her hands up.

“Why would he ignore me?” Subaru asked, her voice cracking slightly. “Did I do something wrong?”

Kaoruko shook her head. “I don’t think Natsusawa’s the type to avoid you over something you did. He’s always been upfront about how he feels, hasn’t he? You, of all people, should know that.”

Subaru fell silent, her mind drifting to the first time they met. Natsusawa had been blunt back then—so much so that she thought they’d never get along. Yet somehow, they had gone from bickering acquaintances to friends. And now… strangers? She smiled bitterly at the thought.

“I know,” she sighed. “But this feels so unlike him. He doesn’t even acknowledge me when we bump into each other.”

“Maybe it’s something he can’t face,” Madoka suggested cautiously. “Maybe something’s holding him back.”

“Like a girlfriend?” Kaoruko blurted, her eyes widening. “Does he have a girlfriend now?”

Subaru’s heart sank. The idea hit her harder than she expected. Did Natsusawa have a girlfriend? She wouldn’t know—they barely spoke anymore. If he wasn’t talking to her, why would he tell her something so personal? Still, the thought gnawed at her, a tug of unease in her stomach.

“Maybe it’s Yukino,” Subaru muttered quietly.

“Yukino?” Madoka asked, puzzled. “Who’s that?”

“She’s his classmate in one of his blocks. He’s always calling for her during our general classes.”

Madoka’s brows shot up in surprise. “What? Really? But he likes—” She stopped herself, quickly correcting. “I mean, that’s not possible.”

“Why not? She’s beautiful,” Subaru countered, her voice soft but tinged with envy.

“And so are you, Subaru,” Kaoruko interjected firmly.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Subaru sighed, exasperated.

“Guys,” Madoka cut in, her tone growing impatient. “You’re getting the wrong idea here. Stop speculating and just talk to him already.”

Subaru shook her head, her voice small. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“Why not?” Kaoruko asked gently. “What are you so afraid of?”

“What do you feel, Subaru?” Madoka pressed.

“About what?”

“About Natsusawa.”

The question lingered in the air, heavy and unanswered. Subaru’s chest tightened. She wasn’t sure if she had the courage to face the truth—or him.

“Don’t you like him?” Madoka pressed, her tone sharp yet laced with curiosity.

“I like him…” Subaru replied, her voice so faint it was almost swallowed by the static of the video call.

Madoka leaned forward, narrowing her eyes at the screen. “Like him as a friend?”

Kaoruko chimed in, her voice soft but probing. “Or… do you feel something more?” There was an edge to her words, one that Subaru couldn’t ignore. It was a tone Kaoruko understood all too well—she had asked herself the same question once, back when her feelings for Rintaro had begun to shift.

Subaru froze, her heart pounding. The question remained in her mind like a thread she was too afraid to pull. Her lips parted slightly, but no words came. She was still trying to figure it out herself.

“How… do I know?” she murmured at last, almost to herself. “How do I know… if I feel something more?”

There was a pause on the other side of the call. Kaoruko’s face softened, her eyes warm with understanding.

“When you think of him,” she began carefully, “does it hurt? Not just because he’s distant, but… because you want him close, more than anyone else?”

Madoka nodded, adding with a sly smile, “And do you feel ridiculously giddy when he smiles at you? Like, the kind of giddy that makes you question your sanity?”

Subaru blinked, her heart tightening as the memories rushed back—how her chest fluttered whenever their eyes met, the way her pulse quickened when his voice softened, and the ache that lingered now, knowing he wouldn’t look her way.

“I…” She hesitated, her words caught in her throat.

Kaoruko gave her a knowing smile. “That’s how you know.”

Subaru’s eyes dropped to her lap, her fingers clutching the fabric of her skirt. Did she feel something more? Deep down, she already knew the answer, but saying it out loud felt like crossing a line she couldn’t uncross.

Madoka tilted her head, her voice light yet insistent. “Come on, Subaru. Be honest with yourself. Do you just like him, or…”

Subaru’s thoughts wandered as her friends’ voices became a faint hum in the background. Her mind drifted back to the little moments—those fleeting fragments of time she had tucked away but could never forget.

The first memory that surfaced was of their time at the beach. She could almost feel the golden warmth of the setting sun, the way it painted the horizon and bathed his face in a soft, glowing light. His smile had been so carefree, so disarming, that it had etched itself into her mind like a photograph. She remembered how her eyes lingered on the curve of his lips, how his gaze seemed to hold unspoken somethings—things she couldn’t quite name but desperately wished to understand.

His birthday, the day they had reconciled after everything that had happened. She thought of the way he struggled with Hidaka and how those moments had shown her a side of him that was raw and unguarded, a side he didn’t often share.

The study sessions, those long hours spent poring over notes and textbooks. She remembered the light brush of his arm against hers as they leaned over the same page, the way he would pause and glance at her like he was trying to gauge her thoughts.

And then there were the silences—not the awkward kind, but the ones that wrapped around them like a blanket. Just being in the same space, existing together without needing to fill the air with words, had felt oddly perfect. And the time he promised they’d visit the arboretum together, only for life to get in the way. She could still feel the dull ache of disappointment when that promise had slipped through their fingers, leaving her clutching at something intangible yet deeply important.

Now, with everything between them so distant, the ache in her chest deepened. It wasn’t just the memories she longed for—it was him.

His presence, his attention, his everything.

The realization hit her like a wave, sudden and overwhelming. It wasn’t just nostalgia, and it wasn’t just the comfort of his friendship that she craved. Her heart told her what her mind had tried to avoid, whispering truths she could no longer deny.

She liked him.

She liked Natsusawa.

Her pulse quickened as the weight of those three words settled in her chest, heavy but undeniably real. This wasn’t a fleeting crush, something that would fade with time. It was deeper, more profound—a part of her that felt as natural as breathing. And yet, the weight of it was almost unbearable, because with everything between them hanging in the balance, she didn’t know if she could ever say it aloud.

“I like him,” Subaru interrupted, her voice trembling, “…more than a friend.”

Silence filled the call for a moment before Kaoruko broke into a gentle smile. “There it is.”

Madoka grinned, leaning back in her chair triumphantly. “Finally. Took you long enough to admit it!”

Subaru groaned, burying her face in her hands. “This isn’t funny…”

“It’s not funny,” Kaoruko said softly, her voice soothing. “It’s real. And it’s okay to feel this way, Subaru. You don’t have to have all the answers right now.”

Madoka leaned forward again, her expression serious now. “But you can’t just sit on these feelings forever. You’ve got to do something about them.”

Subaru peeked at them through her fingers, her voice barely audible. “But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

Kaoruko and Madoka exchanged a glance. Kaoruko was the first to speak. “You won’t know until you try, Subaru. And even if it doesn’t go the way you hope… at least you’ll have some clarity. Isn’t that better than all this wondering?”

“I doubt that, though.” Madoka interjected with a sheepish grin.

Subaru sighed, leaning back against her chair. Her mind swirled with doubts and fears, but there was a small, undeniable spark of hope buried beneath it all. Was she ready to face the truth? She didn’t know yet. But maybe—just maybe—it was time to stop running from it.

Months passed and Subaru was sitting in class when her phone buzzed with a text from Ayato. He wanted to hang out after class, but most of their group had already replied that they couldn’t make it due to prior commitments. She hesitated for a moment before typing her response: she couldn’t either, not with class running late and a freshmen orientation party in her department on her schedule.

She glanced around the classroom, the faint hum of the professor’s voice blending into the ambient rustle of note-taking and quiet sighs. It was strange to think about how much had changed since the semester began. She’d made real friends this time—friends who were kind and patient, even with her guarded demeanor. Though men still made her uneasy, the paralyzing fear she once felt had started to loosen its grip.

She owed that progress to Rintaro, Usami, Ayato, and especially Natsusawa. Her thoughts lingered on him a moment too long. There was something about the way Natsusawa made her feel seen, even when she wanted to disappear.

A faint vibration in her pocket pulled her from her thoughts. Heart quickening, she fished out her phone, hoping it was him. It was.

Natsusawa: I can meet up with you. Wait for me at Patisserie Plain.

Ayato: Gotcha ;)

Her heart skipped. Should she cancel the orientation party? She wanted to see him. But her chest tightened as she thought about the distance he’d put between them recently. It was hard to shake the creeping fear that he didn’t want her around anymore.

When class ended, Subaru joined the stream of freshmen heading to dinner. The seniors had prepared a welcome okonomiyaki party, and the air was alive with chatter and laughter. Subaru tried to immerse herself, but her mind kept drifting. She barely noticed when a senior offered her a drink, politely refusing until her friend Ayumi stepped in to deflect further insistence.

“Subaru, seriously,” Ayumi said, pulling her aside. “What’s going on? You’ve been spacing out all night—and in class too.”

Subaru managed a faint smile. It was typical of Ayumi to notice when something was off. Natsusawa had once told her that she wore her emotions on her sleeve, and now it seemed everyone could see how distracted she was.

“I’m just stressed,” she murmured, though the truth was far more complicated. Her chest ached with thoughts of someone she couldn’t stop thinking about.

When the seniors proposed a second round of partying at a different location, Subaru hesitated. She wanted to go home, to retreat somewhere quiet and familiar. But her friends wouldn’t take no for an answer. Reluctantly, she agreed, with the condition that Ayumi also came with them.

The group made their way to a bustling district filled with neon signs and a steady pulse of nightlife. The destination was a club—a new and unfamiliar world to Subaru. Even as they stepped into the private lounge the seniors had reserved, the intensity of the place overwhelmed her. The air throbbed with music, and the dark room was punctuated by flashes of strobe lights.

Subaru’s discomfort grew as she scanned the scene. The chatter from dinner seemed like a distant memory now, replaced by a cacophony that grated against her senses. She felt out of place, as though the walls were closing in.

Ayumi leaned close, her voice just loud enough to cut through the music. “You okay?”

Subaru nodded, but her grip on her phone tightened. She wanted to be anywhere but here. More than that, she wanted to be at Patisserie Plain.

“Hey, Ayumi,” Subaru began, her voice quiet but steady. “I don’t think I can stay.”

Ayumi turned to her, concern flickering in her eyes. “Why? Is it too much?”

“It is.” Subaru shifted uncomfortably, glancing around at the noisy, dimly lit club. “I’m sorry.” Her tone was apologetic, but there was a finality to her words.

“Don’t be. It’s okay,” Ayumi reassured her. “Do you need me to go with you?”

“No. It’s alright,” Subaru said with a faint smile. “I can go alone.”

Ayumi hesitated, her lips pressing into a thin line as though debating whether to insist. Before she could say anything, Subaru gently pushed her friend back onto the couch. “Stay. Really, I’ll be fine.”

Ayumi nodded reluctantly but kept a watchful eye on her as Subaru stood and adjusted her bag. Just as she turned to leave, a flood of seniors descended upon their couch, their lively energy impossible to ignore. The small group expanded as more people crowded in, and before she could slip away, Subaru found herself pulled back into the circle.

A male senior plopped down beside her, his sudden presence making her stomach twist uncomfortably. She forced herself to remain calm, though her fingers instinctively curled into the hem of her shirt.

“Hey, hey!” one of the seniors called out, his voice brimming with enthusiasm. He leaned forward, gesturing for the others to pass around bottles of alcohol that clinked against the table. “Let’s get this party started!”

Subaru braced herself for chaos, expecting wild antics or drunken revelry, but to her surprise, the conversation remained fairly tame. The seniors began sharing stories about their own law school experiences, offering tips on surviving exams and recommending professors who were approachable and supportive.

She found herself relaxing, even leaning forward slightly to catch more of their advice. The seniors’ anecdotes were unexpectedly engaging, and she couldn’t deny the value of the insights they offered. Still, a sense of unease lingered beneath the surface.

The trouble came when the drinks began making their rounds. Each time someone handed her a glass, she felt obligated to accept it, fearing that refusal would disrupt the friendly atmosphere. Ayumi tried to intervene, shooting her worried looks and even whispering for her to stop, but Subaru shook her head.

She sipped the alcohol cautiously, its unfamiliar burn warming her throat. The group’s attention eventually shifted to another table, leaving Subaru and Ayumi with a brief moment of quiet.

“That turned out pretty nicely,” Ayumi remarked, stretching her legs as she glanced at Subaru. But her casual smile faded quickly, replaced by wide-eyed concern. “Subaru! Your face is red!”

“Probably the alcohol,” Subaru muttered, brushing it off with a wave of her hand.

“You should stop,” Ayumi said firmly. “You’re not used to this, and it’s obviously hitting you harder than you think.”

Subaru gave a noncommittal shrug, but her restlessness was growing. The alcohol wasn’t helping her relax—it was stirring up a storm inside her, pushing thoughts to the forefront that she’d desperately tried to suppress. Her mind leapt from one thing to another, but always circled back to the same face. The face of the person she didn’t want to think about.

Anger flared unexpectedly, simmering in her blood like an ember reignited. She didn’t understand it—why it hurt so much to remember him, or why her emotions felt so tangled and raw.

“Ayumi…” she called softly, her voice breaking the quiet hum of the room around them.

Ayumi tilted her head, her brows furrowing as she studied her friend. “What’s wrong?”

Subaru hesitated, gripping the edge of the couch as if to steady herself. The words came out before she could stop them. “Have you ever had someone that just—” She paused, her throat tightening. “Someone that gets stuck in your head? Like, no matter what you do, you can’t get them out?”

Ayumi’s expression softened. “Yeah… I think everyone’s had someone like that. Are we talking about… him?”

Subaru bit her lip, her gaze dropping to her lap. She didn’t need to say his name; they both knew who Ayumi was referring to. “Maybe. I don’t know. I feel stupid even thinking about it.”

“It’s not stupid.” Ayumi’s voice was calm, but insistent. “Feelings don’t just disappear because you want them to. And if it’s bothering you this much, maybe you should—”

“I can’t,” Subaru interrupted, shaking her head. “I can’t talk to him. Not now.”

The weight of her unspoken thoughts pressed down on her chest, and for a moment, the noise of the club faded into the background. All she could hear was the pounding of her heart and the echo of Natsusawa’s name in her mind.

Subaru continued to drink, the alcohol coursing through her veins and giving her an unfamiliar sense of comfort. It loosened her tongue, and before she knew it, she was rambling to Ayumi. Her friend sat beside her patiently, listening as Subaru’s words tumbled out in an unfiltered stream.

She talked about school—how stressful it had been, how overwhelming the workload was. She talked about her lack of time, the guilt of not meeting with her friends as often as she wanted. But most of all, she talked about him.

The alcohol blurred the edges of her restraint, and for the first time, she admitted aloud what had been clawing at her heart. “I miss him, Ayumi,” she confessed, her voice breaking. “I miss Natsusawa so much, it hurts. It’s unbearable.”

Ayumi frowned, concern etched across her face. “Subaru, I think you should stop. You’re not used to drinking like this.”

“One more,” Subaru said, ignoring the plea as she reached for another shot glass. She downed it in one gulp, the liquid burning her throat but numbing her heart.

“Subaru, please—” Ayumi started, but her words were cut off when a group of unfamiliar guys approached their table.

“Hello, ladies,” one of them said with a wide grin, his tone too casual for comfort.

Subaru blinked at them, her alcohol-clouded mind struggling to process the intrusion. Ayumi immediately stiffened beside her, a defensive edge in her posture.

“What’s happening here?” one of the guys asked, his eyes sweeping over the table as though he’d just walked into a private VIP section.

“Nothing,” Ayumi answered curtly, her tone sharp enough to warn them off.

“Woah, dude, look at her hair,” another guy said, his voice loud and obnoxious. Subaru’s ears perked at the comment, irritation bubbling up in her chest. She was used to people pointing out her hair—it wasn’t new—but somehow, the alcohol made the annoyance sharper, more vivid.

“I dig it,” the guy added, leaning closer as if his approval was supposed to mean something.

Subaru narrowed her eyes, the words spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them. “Please leave us alone for a moment.” Her voice was slurred but firm.

“Why?” another guy asked, his grin widening. “Do you need assistance? I can take you home if you want.”

“We’re fine,” Ayumi cut in quickly, her tone cold and clipped.

But the guys weren’t taking the hint. “C’mon, we’re just being friendly,” one said, sliding into the seat beside Subaru. His casual demeanor felt invasive, and Subaru’s stomach churned with discomfort.

Subaru’s irritation flared into anger. “Call Natsusawa,” she muttered suddenly, her words barely coherent. “I can’t call him right now.”

Ayumi’s eyes widened in alarm. “What? Subaru—”

“Who’s that?” one of the guys interrupted, his interest piqued. “Is it a guy?”

Ayumi glanced between Subaru and the persistent strangers, her protective instincts kicking in. Without missing a beat, she lied. “It’s her boyfriend. He’s coming to pick her up. So, please, can you leave?”

The mention of a boyfriend seemed to do the trick. The guys exchanged glances, their confident smirks faltering.

“Alright, alright,” one of them said, raising his hands in mock surrender. “No need to get all defensive. We were just saying hi.”

As they finally retreated, Subaru let out a shaky breath and leaned her head against Ayumi’s shoulder. “Thanks, Ayumi,” she mumbled, her voice heavy with exhaustion.

Ayumi sighed, brushing a strand of hair out of Subaru’s flushed face. “You’re lucky I’m here,” she said softly, her tone a mix of fondness and exasperation. “But you’re done for the night, okay? No more drinking.”

Subaru nodded weakly, her eyelids drooping. “Okay.”

The tension slowly eased as the unwanted company disappeared, but Ayumi couldn’t shake the feeling of unease. Subaru’s vulnerability tonight only deepened her worry. She glanced down at her friend, wondering how much of her heartache was tangled up in the name she’d murmured over and over: Natsusawa.

She called Natsusawa just like what Subaru had asked and used her phone to contact him. When he arrived, Ayumi could only watch as he gently lifted Subaru and carried her out of the place. It wasn’t until moments later that she noticed Subaru’s phone still resting in her hand. She thought of returning it tomorrow.

The silence between them was suffocating, broken only by the faint clinking of Subaru’s utensils against the plate. She stared down at the meal Natsusawa had prepared for her, the aroma tempting, but her appetite long gone. Her mind raced back to the events of the previous night, each memory playing on a loop she couldn’t escape.

Alcohol, she realized, didn’t make you forget—it just gave you the illusion of courage, a fleeting reprieve from your insecurities. Unlucky for her, she remembered everything.

She remembered how Natsusawa had come to fetch her from the club, the concerned look on his face as he guided her out of that chaotic space. She remembered how she’d begged to go with him, even though she’d tried to lie to herself that she didn’t. She remembered vomiting in front of him, crying uncontrollably, spilling out feelings that should have stayed locked away.

Her cheeks burned at the memory, her humiliation so potent she could barely meet his eyes. What did she say? How much had she revealed? The thought alone made her want to bolt. But when she glanced up at Natsusawa, his expression was unreadable—a mix of reluctance and quiet thoughtfulness.

It was a miracle, she thought, that she hadn’t outright confessed. If she had, she might have been tempted to throw herself out the window right now. But even though she hadn’t said those exact words, she knew she’d said too much.

Her frustration simmered beneath the surface, exhaustion and shame pulling her in opposite directions. The alcohol had briefly numbed her emotions, offering a fleeting escape. But now that she was sober, reality hit her with full force, making her relive every word and every action with painful clarity.

“Do you need medicine?” His voice broke the silence, soft but careful, as though he were walking on eggshells.

Subaru’s pulse quickened. The sound of his voice only made her want to run further. “No, I’m fine,” she lied. In truth, the pounding in her head was unbearable, and the tension between them wasn’t helping.

She forced herself to take another bite of food, her eyes wandering around the unfamiliar space. It disheartened her to realize she didn’t even know that he had his own place.

“I didn’t know you had your own apartment,” she said, desperate to fill the silence. “I thought you were staying at your house.”

“Yeah,” he replied casually, leaning back in his chair. “My cousin asked me to look after it for a while.”

When she didn’t respond, he added, “The others don’t know, just so we’re clear.”

“Okay,” she murmured, unsure what else to say.

The quiet settled over them again, heavier now, suffocating. She felt like she was sinking beneath the weight of everything unsaid, and it only grew worse when he broke the silence.

“Hoshina…” Natsusawa’s voice was hesitant, like he was carefully choosing his words. “Do you remember what you said last night?”

Her heart stopped.

This is it, she thought, and panic rising in her chest. The thing she had been avoiding, the conversation she had dreaded since she opened her eyes that evening—it was here, looming over her. Her grip on her fork tightened, the sound of metal scraping porcelain too loud in the quiet room.

“No,” she answered abruptly, the word flying out before she could think.

He was quiet for a moment, studying her with those eyes that always seemed to see straight through her.

Then, he spoke again. “Okay. If that’s what you want. But…” His voice softened, and his gaze flickered to the side. “In my defense, I never intended to hurt you, Hoshina. I’m sorry if I did.”

Her breath hitched. Something about his tone—sincere, almost regretful—made her chest ache.

“Do you know why you did it?” she asked quietly, her voice laced with an edge of frustration.

He sighed, and she looked up to see the conflict etched across his face. His jaw tightened as though he were holding back words that begged to be spoken.

“You wouldn’t understand, Hoshina…”

She tilted her head, her frustration bubbling to the surface. “Then make me understand. That isn’t hard enough to do.”

“I can’t tell you,” he said firmly, his voice a little sharper this time.

Her patience snapped. “Why were you avoiding me?” she demanded, her voice trembling but steady enough to cut through the tension like a knife.

The question seemed to hit him like a blow. She saw it in the way his shoulders stiffened, the way his eyes widened before he masked his reaction with a neutral expression. But the silence that followed was louder than any answer he could have given.

“Did I do something wrong?” she continued, the words spilling out now in a rush. “Because I’ve been overthinking it a lot, Natsusawa. And believe it or not, it’s been affecting me more than you can even imagine.”

Her voice cracked, and she felt her hands trembling in her lap. She hadn’t planned to be this honest, hadn’t planned to lay her heart bare, but her emotions were too raw to contain anymore. Natsusawa opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His lips pressed into a thin line, and he looked away, his fists clenching on the table.

“Is this what you’ve been talking about to Ayumi?” Natsusawa asked, his voice quieter now, almost unsure.

Subaru didn’t answer. She pushed her chair back abruptly, the scrape of wood against the floor cutting through the tension. “I’m done. Thanks for the food.”

Her chest felt tight, her emotions threatening to spill over. How could she be honest with him when he wasn’t willing to do the same? It wasn’t fair. And frankly, she didn’t have the strength to argue anymore. His indifference felt like a blade twisting in her chest, the pain sharp and unrelenting.

“Hoshina, wait.” Natsusawa’s voice carried a hint of urgency as he stood and moved toward her.

But she didn’t stop. She grabbed her bag from the couch, her movements quick and almost frantic, as though she needed to escape before she unraveled completely.

“I don’t have the right to tell you…” he began, his voice faltering. “I’m sorry if this isn’t turning out the way you expected.”

Subaru spun around to face him, her anger flaring. “I’m not expecting anything, Natsusawa,” she said, her voice trembling with the effort to hold herself together. “I just wanted to know why you’re pulling away from me.”

She swallowed hard, the lump in her throat making it difficult to speak, but the words came tumbling out anyway. “Why you’re suddenly so cold… why you don’t talk to me at school… why you don’t seem to care anymore. Because it feels like the Natsusawa I knew—the one I trusted, the one I…” She paused, her voice breaking. “It feels like he’s gone.”

He stopped mid-step, his hand hovering in the air as if reaching for something unseen. For a moment, he looked as though he might say something, but his mouth opened and closed without a sound. Finally, he managed, “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault, Hoshina.”

Her eyes burned, but she refused to blink, refusing to let the tears fall. “Then why does it feel like it is?” she shot back. “You don’t want to explain anything, Natsusawa. Not one thing. You’re avoiding me now—just like you’ve been doing for months.”

Her voice cracked, her emotions spilling over despite her best efforts to hold them back. “And just so I can get it off my chest, I’m angry at you.”

The first tear slipped from her eye, and she hated how weak it made her feel. She wiped it away quickly, but the dam had broken, and the tears wouldn’t stop. They streaked down her cheeks, hot and relentless, but she didn’t care anymore.

He didn’t move, his face a mix of shock and something she couldn’t quite place—guilt? Regret? She didn’t know, and she didn’t want to know. If this was going to be the last time they spoke, she might as well lay everything bare.

“I’m angry, Natsusawa,” she repeated, her voice quieter now but no less fierce. Her hands trembled as she wiped at her face, her honesty pouring out of her like an unstoppable tide. “Because I waited. I waited for you to take me to the arboretum like you promised. And I kept waiting, even though you stopped talking to me, even though you…” Her voice faltered, but she pushed through. “Do you know how frustrating that is? How much it hurts to wait for someone who doesn’t even care anymore?”

“What you said at the beach…” Her voice trembled, her chest rising and falling with unsteady breaths. “Was it all a lie?”

Her tears wouldn’t stop, spilling freely down her cheeks. Maybe the alcohol was still in her system, stripping away the last of her restraint. Or maybe this was just her, raw and unfiltered, finally letting it all out.

“Were you just saying what I wanted to hear?” she demanded, her vision blurred with tears.

Natsusawa flinched at her words, but he didn’t speak.

Good. She wanted him to feel it. The pain. The guilt. The weight of everything she had carried alone for months.

Because this was his fault.

She had spent so long wondering what she had done wrong. Racking her brain for answers that never came. But the truth was, she hadn’t done anything. She hadn’t changed. He had. And she was so damn tired of trying to figure out why.

“I was so happy that day,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “When you said all those things to me… I believed you.”

He exhaled sharply, his fingers curling into fists at his sides.

“And when you chose the same college, I thought—” Her breath hitched. “I thought you were choosing me.”

Silence stretched between them, thick and suffocating.

His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

And that silence? That hesitation? It cut deeper than anything he could have said.

Her hands trembled as she wiped at her face, her heart pounding violently in her chest. “You made me feel like I was special… like I mattered to you.” She let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “Was that just another mistake?”

She didn’t know what answer she wanted to hear anymore.

She just knew she was tired of waiting for one.

Natsusawa looked stunned, his lips parted slightly as though he wanted to speak, but no words came.

“Why were—” he stammered, his voice barely audible.

She glanced at him then, her heart squeezing painfully at the look on his face. He seemed completely caught off guard, as though everything she was saying was the last thing he expected.

She let out a shaky breath, her chest heaving as she tried to steady herself. The room felt too small, the air too heavy. Her heart pounded in her ears, drowning out all logic and reason.

“I like you, Natsusawa,” she said finally, her voice vulnerable, like an open wound.

The words hung in the air between them, an invisible wall that neither of them dared to cross. Her heart felt like it might burst from the weight of her confession, but she didn’t look away. She needed him to hear it, to see the truth in her eyes.

He stood frozen, his expression unreadable, his silence deafening.

And for Subaru, that silence said everything she needed to know.

She slung her bag over her shoulder and strode toward the door. This was it. She had finally said everything—the words she had kept locked away for so long. And now, all that was left was the fallout.

A part of her had already accepted that their friendship, the moments they had shared, would shatter the moment she walked out that door. If he had been avoiding her for months, what difference would this make? Maybe this was the final push he needed to disappear from her life completely.

Her fingers trembled as she grabbed her shoes, but she didn’t bother putting them on. She needed to leave before she broke down again. Before she begged for something he wouldn’t give.

The cold evening air seeped in as she cracked the door open—until suddenly, it was pushed shut in front of her.

Her breath caught in her throat.

A hand, firm and steady, pressed against the door just above her shoulder. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. She could feel his warmth behind her, his breath fanning against the side of her neck, sending shivers through her already fragile body.

Subaru swallowed hard, gripping the knob tighter.

“Let go,” she whispered, her voice unsteady.

Natsusawa didn’t move. “Wait, Hoshina… please.”

She clenched her jaw, her tears still falling. What more was there to say? She had already poured her heart out. She had already been broken by his silence.

“Let go,” she repeated, her voice cracking. “Natsusawa… please.”

But instead of retreating, he stepped closer. So close that she could feel the heat of him against her back. So close that her pulse thundered in her ears.

“Hoshina…” His voice was low, almost desperate. “Say it again.”

She stiffened.

“What more do you want from me?” she asked, barely above a whisper.

“Tell me that you like me,” he murmured. “Tell me that I didn’t mishear it.”

Her breath hitched when she felt his forehead rest against her shoulder, his weight anchoring her in place. Her grip on the doorknob slackened and her hand fell on her side.

His fingers brushed against hers, his thumb tracing soft circles along the back of her palm.

“I’ve always liked you, Hoshina.”

Her world tilted.

What?

“I’ve always liked you,” he repeated, his voice filled with something raw—something she had never heard before.

Subaru froze, her thoughts spiraling. This—this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to let her leave. He was supposed to stay silent. Not… this.

His hand tightened ever so slightly around hers.

“I didn’t want to burden you,” he admitted, his voice quiet but unshaken. “I didn’t want to fall any deeper than I already had. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you.”

She blinked, her lips parting as the weight of his words settled in.

“I’ve liked you since high school,” he continued, and she felt his head shift slightly, his breath warm against her skin. “I tried to keep my feelings at bay, but every time I was with you, I wondered if you’d ever notice. If you’d ever see me the way I see you.”

Her chest ached, but this time, it wasn’t from pain.

“I never planned to confess,” he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “I knew you had your own struggles, your own world to navigate. I didn’t want to make it harder for you. But then that afternoon at the beach happened… and I realized how far I’d fallen. And it scared the hell out of me.”

Subaru’s tears had stopped, but her body remained frozen.

Every word that fell from his lips unraveled something inside her. The doubt, the hurt, the endless nights she spent wondering what she had done wrong. He had been pushing her away—not because she meant nothing, but because she meant too much.

“I love you, Subaru.”

Her breath left her in a shaky exhale.

She turned her head slightly, just enough to catch a glimpse of him from the corner of her eye. His face was mere inches away, his eyes dark with emotion, with sincerity, with something she had wanted for so long but never thought she’d have.

“Natsusawa…” she whispered.

The door was still shut. But the distance? The distance was finally gone.

She turned around, her back pressing against the door as she finally met his gaze. And there it was—a slight tear pooling in his eyes, threatening to fall.

How long had he been holding this in? How much had he suffered in silence?

Her heart clenched as she slowly lifted her hand, her fingers trembling slightly as they brushed against his cheek. His skin was warm beneath her palm, and at her touch, Natsusawa closed his eyes, exhaling sharply as if he had been burned by the sudden contact.

Then, without thinking, she pulled him closer.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she rose onto her toes to reach him, pressing herself against him as if she was afraid he’d slip away again.

“Please…” Her voice was barely above a whisper, a plea carried by the shallow breaths between them. “Never let me go.”

His arms tightened around her waist in response, holding her as if letting go wasn’t even an option. His face buried in the crook of her neck, and she felt his breath—warm and unsteady—against her skin.

“I won’t,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I promise, Hoshina.”

Everything blurred together—the warmth of his embrace, the way his heartbeat thrummed against hers, the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the lingering traces of alcohol.

But for the first time in forever, her mind was clear.

Natsusawa loved her.

And she loved him, too.

It had taken time—so much time. Pain, confusion, missed chances, and countless nights of wondering if this moment would ever come.

But now, here they were.

And as they held each other in the quiet of the night, their hearts finally beat as one.

"Can I kiss you?"

His voice was barely above a whisper, but it sent a tremor through her body. Subaru felt her heart thump, hard and fast, like it was trying to escape from her chest. She knew he was asking this because of the moment, the weight of everything they had just admitted to each other—but she couldn’t deny it.

The wanting.

The needing to feel him more.

She didn’t answer with words. Instead, she nodded against his shoulder, feeling his breath hitch, the tension leaving his body all at once. Slowly, she pulled away, meeting his gaze. Natsusawa’s eyes held something raw, something vulnerable—like he was searching for permission, for reassurance that this wasn’t a mistake.

And in that moment, Subaru saw the entire world in his eyes.

His fingers reached out, gently brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face, trailing down to her jaw, then tilting her chin upward. She closed her eyes instinctively.

Even though she had always been wary of touch, always flinched when men came too close, Natsusawa had never made her feel that way. His presence was warmth, his touch was safety, and even now, as uncertainty hung between them, she knew—he would take care of her.

Then, his lips met hers.

A soft, fleeting pressure at first, as if he were memorizing the feel of her. Then, as if something inside him had given way, the kiss deepened.

Subaru felt like she was drowning in sensation. The warmth of his hands resting on her waist. The way his lips moved against hers—careful, gentle, but desperate all at once.

Her mind spun in different directions.

Then she started overthinking.

She had never kissed anyone before. Was she supposed to move more? Was she doing it right? She wasn’t doing anything, just standing there, eyes closed, letting him lead her through an entirely new world of emotions.

But before she could second-guess herself further, her hands moved on their own. They slid up his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath her fingertips. She grasped at his shirt, pulling him closer, feeling the heat of his body against hers.

And she wanted more.

Then, it hit her.

Oh my God.

Her stomach twisted with sudden realization, and in the next instant, she shoved him away.

Natsusawa stumbled back slightly, his eyes wide in shock. "S-sorry. Was it too much?"

"No!" Subaru blurted, shaking her head furiously. "It was—"

She couldn’t even finish her sentence before panic took over.

Her feet moved before her mind could catch up, and suddenly, she was sprinting to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

She locked it. Then, when she felt safe, she sank onto the cold floor, hands covering her burning face.

She wanted to scream.

The kiss had been wonderful. More than wonderful. It had made her entire body feel alive in ways she didn’t even know were possible.

But—

She had just woken up.

She hadn’t brushed her teeth.

She hadn’t showered.

Oh God, what if she still smelled like alcohol? What if there was still food stuck in her teeth from earlier? And she had the audacity to kiss him like that?

She groaned, pushing herself up to face the mirror.

Shit.

Her hair was a mess, her eyes were slightly puffy from crying earlier, and she looked—exhausted. She immediately turned on the faucet, splashing cold water onto her face in a desperate attempt to regain some dignity.

Then—

A knock.

“Hoshina?”

Her breath caught.

"I—I'm sorry," Natsusawa’s voice was muffled through the door. “If you didn’t like it.”

Her stomach dropped.

No, no, no. That wasn’t it at all.

"I promise I wouldn’t do anything you don’t want to," he added, his voice quiet but sincere.

Her heart clenched.

Taking a deep breath, she reached for the doorknob and slowly opened the door.

Natsusawa blinked, eyes widening. "...Why are you wet?"

She froze.

Oh. Right. The water.

She could only stare at him before letting out a defeated groan and sinking to the floor again, covering her face with her hands. "This is so embarrassing…"

Natsusawa quickly crouched down in front of her, concern flickering across his face. "What happened? Did I—did I do something wrong?"

"No! Please don’t think that," she said quickly, waving her hands. "In fact, I really liked kissing you…"

His ears instantly turned red.

"T-then what was the problem?" he asked, voice quieter now.

She hesitated, then finally admitted in a small voice, "Look at me. I just woke up. I haven’t had a bath. I probably still smell like alcohol, and I haven’t even brushed my teeth."

There was a beat of silence.

Then—

A small chuckle.

Then another. Until he was laughing.

"Stop laughing!" she yelled, her face burning.

"I'm sorry, I just—" He covered his mouth, but the smile in his eyes was unmistakable. "You're adorable, you know that?"

She glared at him. "What's so funny about this?"

His laughter softened, and he reached out again, this time brushing a damp strand of hair from her forehead.

"First of all," he murmured, "you don’t smell."

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure?"

He grinned. "Positive."

Then, his voice dropped slightly. "Second… I like the way you taste on my lips."

Her breath hitched.

"And third," he continued, leaning just a little closer, "you’re always beautiful."

Her heart stopped.

And just like that, her embarrassment melted away—replaced by something far more dangerous.

Affection.

Deep, undeniable affection for the boy in front of her.

His breath caught.

Natsusawa barely had time to react before Subaru grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in, her lips crashing against his in a bold, impulsive kiss. His eyes widened in surprise, but the moment their lips met, his body melted into hers.

She was warm. Soft. And utterly intoxicating.

When she finally pulled away, a triumphant grin stretched across her face, her cheeks still flushed. The droplets of water from her damp hair had transferred onto his skin, leaving cool trails against the heat of his face.

He blinked, dazed.

Then, she whispered, “I love you, Natsusawa.”

It was earnest. Unshakable. A confession with no hesitation, no second-guessing—just pure, raw truth.

His breath came out shaky as he stared at her, his heart hammering like a war drum in his chest. Then, without thinking, he laughed softly—a mixture of relief, disbelief, and overwhelming happiness.

"You’re unbelievable," he murmured, shaking his head before cupping her cheeks, his thumbs brushing over her skin.

Subaru tilted her head playfully. “Is that a bad thing?”

He let out a breathy chuckle, his forehead pressing against hers.

“No," he whispered. "I love you too, Hoshina."

And this time, it was his turn to kiss her.