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“You are having a baby with Kelly,” Daniel bit out. Not even really angry, just fucking tired of it all. But he has got to cling onto something so that he could walk away from this train wreck of a relationship with a modicum of dignity left.
Not like he has got anything else going for him. Fired twice from the same industry, gotta be a special record.
There was a long pause, and Daniel suddenly wished he had flown to Monaco or wherever the fuck Max and his picture perfect family was, instead of calling him to have this conversation.
“Daniel, you left.”
And Daniel wanted to explain, to shout, to lash out with his fists against the fucking wall. He didn't choose to leave F1, the sports decided it didn't want him anymore. It chewed him up and spat him out. Twice. He wasn't shiny enough anymore compared to all the new toys it has waiting in the wings.
Max seemed to know what he was thinking, he always did. His voice became softer, raspier.
“Not the sport. Daniel.” A pause, the sound of Max’s breathing and then a long sigh. “You left when I told you that I loved you. You said you weren't gay.”
And wasn't that the fucking ugly truth. Daniel had been so deep in denial he couldn't fucking pull himself out of that fucking river. What he and Max did, in hotel rooms, in their thin walled motorhomes, and all the moments they could sneak away with between racing and other commitments was not a relationship. Daniel couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a man then, not even for Max, he wasn't gay.
What a fucking idiotic cunt he was.
They stopped fucking, and they both got serious girlfriends after that. But Max had always been there, through the ups and downs of his career, a steady rock, someone Daniel could lean on, could trust. Somebody maybe, one day, he could make a life with.
“Max, I -”
“Daniel,” Max interrupted with more tenderness than he would have with anyone else. Because Daniel was special. “I am very happy with Kelly, and I am of course happy for you and Heidi.” Matter of fact and master of compartmentalization. “You are one of my closest friends, and I hope you are happy for me.”
Just not special enough.
Max was being kind, stopping Daniel from further embarrassing himself, a reminder and a closure of a relationship that never was given a real chance, a relationship Daniel had dragged through the years with bleeding fingers nonetheless. He clung to it because it was safe. It had been something precious and gave him warmth when he needed it most.
And years ago, before he realised how precious it was, he had thrown it away because he was dumb and afraid.
Daniel took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Max, congratulations to you and Kelly,” he said into the phone, voice clear and even, not a hint of uncertainty. Only sincerity.
You chose this.
Modicum of dignity, Danny Boy.
...FIN…