Work Text:
Ring
Ring
Ring
Ring
Ring
Ring
Kim is woken up by the sound of a telephone at God knows what time. He reaches for his glasses and picks up the phone. “Hello this is Lieutenant Kim Kitsur-” A loud sob is heard through the phone, nothing comprehensible is spoken. “Hello? This is Kim Kitsuragi speaking, may I ask who I am speaking to?” Kim has a feeling who is on the other side, but he needs to be sure. He’s heard these cries before, and who else would call at this hour, but assuming is not good detective work.
Blubbering is all that is heard through the speaker until a word is finally recognized, “Kim.” Kim’s heart pounds, it’s Harry. Goddamnit.
“Detective, is that you? Are you alright? Can I-”
“Kim please help, I’m so scared” Scared? What else could have happened to Harrier?
“Lieutenant double-yefreitor what’s going on, are you home?” More loud sobs through the phone.
“Please Kim, I need help. I’m all alone at home.” Thank Dolores Dei. He could have been lost somewhere. Or drove another motor carriage into the sea.
“Harry, do not move a muscle until I arrive. Do you understand?”
“DON’T LEAVE ME. Please don’t leave me alone….” Harry sounds so frantic, he must’ve remembered something. But then again, Harry was always nervous to be alone.
Kim mutes himself and radios Precinct 41. “Is anyone there?” Static. “This is Lieutenant Kitsuragi, please answer.” Static. Static. Static. More Static. It’s highly unlikely that a single person is there at this hour. Odd that not even Jean is awake and listening in, maybe he just doesn’t care because Harry already tried calling in for help. “Damnit.” Kim presses unmute, “Harrier listen to me. I am coming to you. I need to hang up the phone, but I swear I will be there. Alright?”
The silence is deafening until Harry barely speaks. “Pinkie promise?” He sounds pathetic.
Kim sighs, “I pinkie promise.” “Okay…” Click.
I need to move as fast as possible, Kim thinks to himself. He quickly throws on whatever he wore yesterday and pulls on his boots and runs down to the Kineema and starts the moter carriage. He shifts it into drive and floors it. Moving inbetween the little traffic like a needle. SpeedFreaks FM plays in the background, but Kim isn’t focusing on that. He makes an hour drive a whole twenty seven minutes. The only thing that matters is Harry and making sure that he is safe.
He’s only been to Harry’s apartment to take him home once, but never inside. Hoping his memory doesn’t fail him he moves his body as fast as it will take him up three flights of stairs and sees Harry’s door. He grabs on the knob and opens the door. Good thing Harry never locks his apartment, which is odd for an officer of the RCM.
The only light is the moon shining through the windows. Beer cans are scattered all over the floor. All lights are turned off and it seems that no one is home. Kim’s eyes scan the apartment and begins opening every door and eventually spots Harry on the balcony smoking. Kim jogs over and opens the sliding door.
Harry’s blue green eyes just stare through Kim’s soul. “Detective Du Bois.” Kim sticks out his pinkie finger, and Harry wraps his around it. From what Kim can see, Harry’s face is wet from crying, his eyes bloodshot either from also crying or drinking. Or maybe both?
“Kim I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid. I-” He’s cut off from his own sobs. Kim notices a gun in Harry’s hand. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Kim has been in situations simular but never his own colleague.
“Harry, can you explain what is happening please?” Kim makes sure to speak as gentle as possible. He cannot lose another partner. Harry stares at the gun in his hand and begins to shake.
“I want- I wanted to- I wanted- I wanted to shoot myself.”
Kim steps forward and offers his hand. “Can I have the gun please Harry?” Without a second thought the detective puts it in his hand, Kim is glad that Harry is obedient. Kim lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” He puts the gun behind his back in between his pants and his back. “Can you explain why you wanted to shoot youself?”
Harry nods his head. “I was dreaming about Dora again. I barely remember anything, but I remember pain. My chest aches Kim. Everything hurts.”
Kim has tried to dig up any information about Dora, but what he found is what the other officers have already told him. His face is full of pain and sorrow. “Harry, I really appreciate you trusting me. Thank you.”
Harry laughs, “For what, not putting a bullet in my brain? That’s a normal accomplishment. Normal people don’t act like that, only crazy people do.”
“Lieutenant double-yefreitor, you are not crazy. Don’t you dare call yourself that. What’s crazy is that I drove here is twenty-seven minutes for you.”
Harry’s eyes widen, Kim can see the gears going. “Twenty-seven? Kim, that's bullshit! There’s no way!”
“Bullshit!? Then explain to me how I am standing here.”
Harry blinks and then rubs his eyes and reaches out to touch Kim again, almost like a small child reaching for their mother. “Oh fuck, you’re real. I’m sorry Kim.” Tears begin streaming down Harry’s face. Kim takes out his handkerchief and wipes his tears away. Harry looks up into Kim’s eyes as the handkerchief glides across his face. Kim focuses on anything else, or he tries to at least.
“Harrier, are you able to tell me what the dream was about?”
Staring into Jamrock at the citizens just barely starting their day, “She said I deserve to be alone. All I every do is hurt people around me and-” More sobbing. God damnit, what happened to make him hurt over six years later? Why didn't Harry think Kim was actually there?
Kim rests his hand on Harry’s shoulder, noticing the warmth that radiates off. “Harry, have you been drinking?” Kim looks at him with concern.
“No. But I really wanted to. But I made you a promise that I would be better. You are the only person who believes in me, Kim. I’m a laughing stock.”
“Laughing stock or not, Harry, you are deserving of love.” Love? Did Kim mean to say that? Of course that Harry deserves love, but should Kim be the person to talk about things like that with his superior? Sure they’re partners, but Harry ranks higher than him. Love… Why does that make Kim feel nervous all of a sudden? Of course Kim loves Harry like a friend. They spent an entire week together and Kim would take a bullet for Harry. They need to trust one another and have each other’s backs. Harry loved him enough to call for help. That’s what friends are for.
Harry has been staring at the apartment complex across the street for some time lost in thought. But at least he stopped crying, so Kim doesn’t interrupt.
“Hey Kim, how do you know that you love someone?”
Panic is felt throughout Kim’s body, but why? Is it because he was caught off guard? Harry is asking a simple question for a man who lost his entire memory. How would he remember what love actually feels like? Kim clears his throat, “Love is different for every person and every situation. I cannot possibly explain the complexities of love.”
Harry stares at Kim with desperation, he really wants to know out of curiosity, he’s not trying to have an ulterior motive. But Kim barely understands the subject himself, he’s suppressed it inside for over two decades. “There are two main types of love I believe, romantic and platonic. You know how I get when I talk about my MC?” Harry nods. “That’s because I love it. Not in a romantic way, but I appreciate it like an old friend who’s reliable.” Kim hopes that seems to answer the question.
A light goes off in Harry’s head, “I get it! I love you Kim!” He go towards Kim and bear hugs him, just lifting his feet off the ground. Kim can smell the sweat and tobacco smell, but no alcohol. At least Harry would never lie. It feels like Harry is crushing the soul out of him, or maybe it’s back into him. The tips of Kim’s ears are a light pink.
“Does that mean I love Jean, and Judit, and Pryce, and oh this is so exciting!” Harry twirls with Kim still in his arms and then pauses and places Kim back on the ground and looks solem. “If love is exciting then why does it hurt when I think about Dora?”
Kim takes off his glasses to wipe them clean. “I believe that you and her were a romantic love that ended.”
“Ended… I wonder what I did that was so awful… If love makes you happy, why would you want it to end?” His eyes well up with tears.
“Sometimes, people aren’t meant to be together. Love can bring people together as easily as it tears them apart.” Kims heart aches, for all the love he’s witnessed in his life, it was never meant for him. Being single is easier anyway, no one to distract you.
“Kim?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think I’m a bad person?”
Kim turns to Harry with a quick glare. “Harry, there is no black and white in human beings. You can do good things and bad things, but neither makes you a good or bad person. Actions in the past are always going to be there. It’s who we are in the present that makes us who we are. So no Detective, I don’t think you’re a bad person, nor were you ever.” Kim reaches in his pocket for his single cigarette for the day, it’s past midnight, so this counts as only one.
Harry ponders on this for a moment. “If that’s true, then why does Jean hate me?”
He seems to have calmed down, Kim hopes that he doesn't mess up and make it worse again. “Harry, he doesn't hate you, he hates what happened to you. And maybe he hates himself for not being there for you?” Kim thinks, he's hates having to mourn someone who's still alive.
“So he hates what I've done to myself? At least I'm not an alcoholic and addict anymore. But I also don't really remember what happened before Marternaise. He probably hates me for that.” Harry takes a long drag of his cigarette before snuffing it out on the railing. “Hey Kim?”
“Yes Detective?”
“Do you think it was stupid of me to do what I did, or do you think that it was beneficial for me?”
Kim clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably. How is he supposed to answer a question like this? Yes Harry I'm glad that you gave yourself permanent and irreversible brain damage all for the sake that you forgot who you were? “I believe that what happened has happened, and there is just moving forward. There's no need to linger on what could have been.”
“So the answer is that I was stupid or?”
“Lieutenant double-yefreitor, you are unconventional, not unintelligent. Your ability to solve as many cases as you have is incredible. You're incredible and I truly believe that. I am sure that if anyone else had the caseload you had combined with the trauma, it would have ended worse for them. The fact you're still standing here and trying speaks for itself.”
A blush runs over Harry's face and neck, along with one of the biggest smiles Kim has ever seen. “Aww Kim, you do love me back!” Another bear hug, this time it's so tight that Harry manages to crack parts of Kim's back. How he managed to keep the gym teacher's strength after everything is impressive.
“Are you feeling better, Officer? I would like to at least take a quick nap before I have to go to the precinct.” Kim tries not to look annoyed with how tired he is.
“Hey I got an idea! Why don't you just stay here Kim? It's closer than your house! Then you can sleep a little longer!”
The emotional complexities of Harrier de Bois will never cease to amaze Kim. How he can go from extremely suicidal to a beaming ray of light in the matter of moments is fascinating. The finest of the 41st Precinct and they allowed him to become who he is now, almost a shame. He thinks almost because he might have never met Harry. And then he might have never been transferring to the legendary Precinct 41.
Kim thinks how highly inappropriate it would be for him to stay over here, but then again he's exhausted. “Alright Harry, you win. Let's get some rest.”