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It’s an established truth among his friends that Ken is not a morning person. If it was up to him, he’d be asleep the whole day, sprawled lazily under his heavy comforter, allowing his bed to drain his vitality and transport him to dreamland. But alas, adulting is a mandatory routine, and now he sits in front of the kitchen counter, watching his friend-slash-housemate, shuffle around their shared kitchen, preparing for food before he leaves for the day.
The said friend-slash-housemate is Paulo. They’ve been friends since college and he had met the man through common circles. An intelligent person with a pretty face and an unassuming personality is a deadly combo for Ken.
He’d die before he would even admit it to anyone, but he is, deeply and desperately attracted to the man.
He didn’t know what came over him when he offered his extra room to Paulo when he needed a place to stay; and the guy hasn’t left ever since. But he was beginning to regret the impromptu decision.
It was initially a good idea, because heck, he’d get to see Paulo’s pretty face everyday. But instead, it became a daily reminder that he can’t have this man, even when he’s within arm’s reach. What a masochist.
Every morning is a challenge to maintain his nonchalance. Paulo is too chirpy, too energetic and too early to be doing a lot of things at 7 am. Ken can keep up with the nauseating positivity, but Paulo’s incessant need to hum random songs, at random times in the morning is driving him nuts.
Besides, he’s irritated with Paulo and displeased with himself for caring too much. Paulo has been returning home late these days, and he suspects that he’s been going out on dates with someone in secret.
Ever since he’s been out late at night, the humming started in the mornings, and he’d bet all of his guitars that it’s related to some mystery man.
The humming ranges from old sweet love songs to whatever pop song is viral these days. It was sickening. It’s not that he didn’t want Paulo to be happy, he’d prefer if he’s the source of that happiness.
“Ken, are you even listening?” The humming stopped, and he’s suddenly aware that Paulo was staring at him curiously, his expressive eyes capturing his attention, then his heart rate sped up.
“What was that again?”
“I said, did you want toasted bread or rice with your eggs?”
“Any.” He lightly shrugs. He tends to be non-committal in the mornings. He’s not in the mood to talk to anyone about anything, unless he’d sip his morning cof –
“Here, coffee first!” Paulo interrupts his train of thoughts. Bless his heart, he is not even aware that Ken is not in the mood. Still, it’s coffee. He sips it and realizes that Paulo knows him well enough to prepare him his drink – with 5 cubes of sugar and a splash of milk.
Fine, the man is attentive. But that doesn't mean anything more than the gesture. He’s a decent friend, who wants to feed his housemate.
“I’ll be buying the food for tonight! Wanna come join me do the groceries?” Paulo exclaims, while continuously preparing their breakfast.
“Huh? Para saan?” Ken grumpily replies, the coffee has not taken effect yet, and he is being distracted by the light sway of Paulo’s hips as he cooked, his back turned to him, so he can concentrate on just staring at Paulo’s form. His long hair was clipped messily with a big clamp today, his smooth nape was exposed, and Ken wonders how it would feel if he kissed that sweet spot from behind.
“Ken! We have talked about this last night!” Paulo, undeterred by Ken’s nonchalance, chuckled heartily. He immediately turns, and Ken blinks several times to feign an incoming yawn.
“It’s our movie night! Ako na dapat sa food, ikaw mamimili ng movie na papanuorin natin.” Paulo points at their calendar with his wooden spatula. Ken follows his line of sight and grunts. It makes Paulo laugh again.
“Look at you, such a ball of sunshine in the morning!” Paulo teases, and it forced Ken to smile a bit. He can’t resist Paulo’s attention after all. Their monthly movie nights were Paulo’s idea, he insists on that routine where they could bond. Among the many other routines and traditions that Paulo wants to establish, since they’ve been housemates for almost 3 years now. Three years of also pinning for the man, but he’d rather have this, than have the possibility of Paulo moving out. He sips his coffee again for courage.
“Why can’t we just order food? The grocery lines are too long.” Ken whines. “Because, I want to cook, obvious ba.” Paulo turns around and smiles. He serves their breakfast plates and sits across him.
On cue, Ken observes a particular habit of Paulo, as it unfolds, every time he sits down before eating. It’s something he anticipates every morning and one of the reasons why he gets up early.
Paulo unclasps his hair clamp and his shoulder length hair cascades down beautifully, framing his face. If he was pretty with his hair up, he transforms into an irresistible gorgeous model just with the way his hair falls. He shakes his head and rakes his hair up, in an attempt to keep the strands out of his face. “Itadakemasu!” He exclaims happily and dives in his plate.
Distracted. It irritates Ken again that Paulo is extra happy these days, that his eyes light up every morning. This mystery man must be really good at what he’s doing.
“Taste this!” Without warning, Paulo extends his fork to Ken’s mouth, feeding him a piece of scrambled egg. His eyes darted from the fork to Paulo’s expectant face. Who is he to deny the man? What Paulo wants, Paulo gets. Fine. With a pretend sigh, he bites off from the fork.
“Ang sarap no? I added thyme for extra flavor!” Paulo nervously laughs. Perhaps he belatedly realized the awkwardness of the situation.
“Yeah, a different take, but I like my eggs plain and simple.” He simply replies. But in truth, Ken is having a mental dilemma. For the first time in years, never had Paulo shared his food from his plate, let alone from his own fork. Was he imagining things? Paulo proceeded to eat, and doom scrolled thru his phone, like nothing happened, yet Ken was still too caught up in that moment.
The humming starts yet again. Unbelievable. What’s this song? Hmmm…Lihim, Arthur Nery. Right. Ken starts singing in his head, as Paulo hums the tune out loud.
“Sasayaw sa kulog at ulan, iikutin ang tala at buwan
Habang tayo ay naliligaw, pakinggan ang puso, 'wag nang bibitaw
'Wag nang magtagu-taguan, kita naman sa liwanag ng buwan
Ang lihim na pagtingin, kailan aaminin?”
Damn. He tries to stave off the excitement he is feeling. He’s humming a love song, not meant for him anyway. But he can’t help but be mesmerized by how effortlessly Paulo could make him fall. He got excited, way too excited, that he needed his release, his pajamas began to feel uncomfortable.
“So? Wanna come?” Paulo asks him again.
“Yeah, I’d like to come.” Ken blushed at the thought and immediately storms out of the kitchen. He couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey!! Your food! I prepared this! So did you really want to come?” Paulo calls out after him.
“Don’t wait up! I’ll eat later. Changed my mind. Need to go!” He runs back to his room and hurriedly took a cold, cold bath in the morning. His brain is feeding him delusions.
As the bathroom door closed, Ken sighs as he hit the shower. The running water providing a form of relief from the tension he had been holding back this morning. He strokes himself languidly, imagining the face of his friend-slash-housemate.
***
Perhaps it was stupidity, but it truly was unintentional. He made a big mistake in assuming that Paulo would just let things slide like that and go out alone. He forgot that the man was persistent.
Ken finishes up his morning shower, more mentally stable but still high from his release. He walks out of his room while drying his hair and throws the towel in the bin. Finally, he’s ready to eat in peace. Paulo must’ve gone out already. But as he ventured in their shared living space, he abruptly stops –
Standing near the window was Paulo, fully dressed and ready to go out, with an umbrella ready at hand. His eyes widened in surprise at the state of nudity that he is seeing. He saw Paulo blush furiously, the umbrella dropping to the floor.
Ken panicked, and he was rooted on the floor. What did he expect really? Anak nang mama mo, pag minalas ka naman! He may have panicked but he did not miss Paulo’s eyes which went immediately below his waist.
He can feel himself heat up, possibly this was the most embarrassing time of his life. There was an unspoken rule in their living quarters, they are not allowed to be stark naked in their shared spaces. He’d been too careful not to break this rule and give Paulo a reason for him to move out.
“Shit…I’m uh,”
The wall clock ticked for every second of awkward silence. It stretched for far too long than he wanted. Five, four, three…
“I’m sorry!” They said in unison.
And Ken hides behind the nearest wall. He bangs his head silently, running a hand on his still damp hair. “Sorry, akala ko umalis kana.”
He hears Paulo shuffle and move, probably to an area where he can’t see his form, but he can hear his voice getting nearer. “I thought I could change your mind, you know…bonding time for the both of us.”
“Stop there Pau! I don’t want to go out. Just buy whatever you want.” He replies again, his body still flush from the rush of blood in his entire body. He’s naked, and Paulo is too near for his liking. He needs to stop himself and have some semblance of control, lest he grab the man and bury him in his sheets, as he had always imagined.
“Samahan mo na ako. Marami akong bibilhin for later. Perhaps ice cream, after groceries?” he quietly counters. Damn. Damn. He could never deny this temptation. His resolved is weak. But he thought Paulo was being considerate still, even with his grumpy attitude all morning. He sighs in defeat. What Paulo wants, Paulo gets. He may lack the courage to admit his feelings, but perhaps he can make it up by being with him in any way he can.
“Fine, I’ll just – get dressed.”
His voice was shy, but he heard the response. “Okay.”
***
Per usual, Paulo did not just go out to buy groceries, he dragged Ken in different shops in the mall, stopping at anything and everything that holds his interest. They went to Watson’s and instead of buying just a toothpaste tube, he ended up carrying two basketful of toiletries and body lotions that Ken knew would just end up in the bathroom’s cabinet.
They stopped by Ace hardware too, since Paulo wanted to start his mini herb garden again. He even coaxed Ken to set him up a wooden box, where the herbs shall be planted. They spent hours checking the seeds available in the garden section of the supermarket, checking which is more important or which herb is the most flexible and resilient. Ken didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop the hobby because he’d been attempting to grow herbs, but the plants just wither away.
When they finally went to the grocery store, Ken was already carrying loads of paper bags, too many for him to handle all at once. He knew they wouldn’t even finish eating half of it.
By the time he was dragged to a local bookstore, Ken wanted to leave him behind since his feet were already sore from standing up for too long. But he kept mum about everything, and he patiently waited for Paulo to browse through the endless pile of books. At least he’s not meeting up with his mystery man today.
Paulo was in his element. He has this habit of subtly smelling the pages of the book as he opens it. He’d quickly read the summaries, and he sets aside the ones that pique his interests.
And Ken loved every moment of it. The thumping of his heart was so loud in his ears, as he observed from a distance how the expression of Paulo changes every time he reads through a novel summary. The change of emotions as he absorbs whatever he is reading, then the explosion of happiness in his eyes and the quirk of his mouth, seems to brighten up everything that surrounds him. Ken knew that he was a fallen man, and he’ll only break from the fall if only Paulo catches him.
But Ken wasn’t ungrateful. He could count his blessings and consider this long ass day of carrying grocery bags as a date.
***
They finally have their stopover at Ken’s favorite dessert café. It is partially hidden from the main road, just outside their subdivision. The discovery of the place was Ken’s greatest pleasure.
He has a sweet tooth, and Paulo has used this to his advantage. He’d often bribe him of sweet pastries or tubs ice cream to coax him into doing anything. But really, it has nothing to do with the boxes of puff creams or the chocolate coated biscuits, they were just excuses to eagerly help Paulo, without being too obvious.
“I knew you’ve been waiting for this the whole day! Yiii, excited!” Paulo exclaims as they enter the shop.
“Dapat lang, sagad na sagad ako today as your kargador.” He feigns exhaustion, and Paulo laughs loudly.
“Grabe naman, ang gwapo mo naman masyado para maging kargador.”
The café was truly a masterpiece, even the arrangement of the pastries, biscuits, cakes and artisan ice cream were carefully thought out. There were rows of desserts encased behind glass panels to keep the food cold. Rows of fridge lined up a wall that displays the cupcakes and cakes by flavor. Ken immediately eyes the cupcake displays.
“Maybe I’d want cupcakes instead. Look at this! Dreamsicle Whimsicle Cupcakes. Orange chocolate flavored cupcakes with orange rinds on top. Hmmmm.” Paulo stands beside him, reading the descriptions as well. “Eto oh, pangalan palang masarap na. Sweet Delight. Triple salted caramel cupcakes. Stuffed with our signature caramel mix, topped with buttercream and candied sugar.”
Ken moves to the next fridge, not letting the man outdo him in choosing the cupcake, his nose almost pressing against the fridge. “This one is interesting, Lime-ly Like You Do. Lime cupcakes. Filled with creamy lime curd and topped with lime flavored buttercream." He laughs at the name.
Paulo stands beside him again, closer this time, as he reads the selection besides Ken, their cheeks almost touching. “Delicate delight. Our signature moist chocolate cupcake, filled with dark chocolate, topped with choco-dipped strawberries. Hmmm – sounds sinful.” He looks at Ken sideways, with a smirk.
Ken, for the life of him, finally stops short with his rebuttal. He suddenly realizes that Paulo was flirting with him. Has been – ever since they left the house to do errands.
He’d been dragging him, hand in hand, to different stores. Coaxing him to smile, to laugh at random things and random people inside the mall. And now, this is open, blatant flirting.
Good God. Ken isn’t a novice at this game. He had his fair share of women and men that he flirts around from time to time. He can throw in pick up lines as good as he gets them.
These days, the tension he’s been holding in has been getting difficult to manage. That’s why he’d been partying more frequently, and his drinking habits were becoming a problem.
Now he begins to wonder if the mystery man was any good at all? Or maybe he didn’t really have one, and he imagined everything from the very beginning because he was looking for a reason not to confess.
He was only adamant to try his flirting game with Paulo since he’s a friend-slash-housemate. Setting his attraction aside, the man was genuine and pure, cool and far from the usual types that he plays around with. This is a first. Is he reading this wrong?
“Hmmm…yeah, sinful but maybe worth it na kasalanan?” he looks at Paulo sideways, waiting for a reaction. He saw the faint tinge of red on his cheeks, and the automatic slow bite of his lower lip.
Fuck it, he’ll try to push further. “Do you want to try?”
“We’ll try which one ang worth it?” Paulo smiles mischievously.
Damn, eto na ba talaga ‘to? Baka ata dapat all or nothing na. “I want to feed them to you, one by one.” Ken responds, whispering with his low voice. Paulo hums near his ear, adding to the thick tension both are now distinctly feeling. The humming vibrates through his ears, travels to his veins and shoots to his groin. He wants to kiss Paulo on the spot, friends-slash-housemate be damn.
“How about, I feed them to you, one by one, then I’d taste each one on your tongue?”
Paulo steps back a bit. Shit, was it too much?
“Mga sir, kung hindi pa kayo makadecide, pasintabi naman sa mga pipili pa?” the cashier disrupts the moment, holding a playful smile. Paulo blushes from the embarrassment of being called out, but Ken held him by the wrist.
“We’d like to order every flavor. Put them in boxes please.”
“Parang ang dami namang trial and error sa flavors? Will it be worth it then?” Paulo attempts to lighten the situation.
“It’ll definitely be worth it.”
***
All of their groceries, tools, and books lay haphazardly at the entrance of their living room. The food didn’t even make it to the kitchen counter and the planned movie night long forgotten.
Both were busy tasting the flavors of the cupcakes from each other’s mouth. Ken, was enjoying it the most.
The bed creaked all night, with moans hitting a crescendo each time. Now this is a tradition that he can keep up.
Never did he imagine that he’ll taste Paulo in this lifetime. It’s everything he had ever fantasized and so much more. The subject of his desire is currently writhing in pleasure beneath him; moaning notes that are delicious to his ears. The silky buttermilk cream drawn throughout his body, while Ken dutifully licks the trail of sweets, leaving invisible marks on his skin. Ken has finally discovered his most-favorite dessert.
***
Three years into their relationship, Ken is not bothered by Paulo’s humming anymore. In fact, he had adopted the quite freeing, once-irritating habit. He never asked his boyfriend about whoever inspired it. And he’d like to believe that the songs Paulo hummed were for him and him alone.
Paulo’s herb box eventually flourished into a full-blown garden and every morning he happily picks their fresh produce and turns it into a sumptuous meal every time.
“Love, are you ready?” Ken calls out for Paulo. It was movie night once again.
Paulo barges into their living room, carrying a tray of freshly baked pizza.
“Always, love! Kiraaaa, come here to dada.” Their black persian cat comes into view, and hops in between Ken and Paulo, snuggling for warmth. Ken clicks on the remote and they succumb to the familiar, homey bliss.
For the rest of their lives, Paulo and Ken continued to build different traditions around their household, expanding their garden, watching movies and running for groceries. Ken finally hums in contentment, like a crazy fool in love.