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The butterfly effect was a curious thing.
It’s said that if a butterfly flaps its wings, it could cause a tornado to happen. The smallest change could lead to a catastrophic future.
Sebastian knew all about that, ever since he was a little boy and he had first sent himself into the past.
He had been young, enamoured by formula one and curious about the history of the sport. He can’t remember how or why it happened, but the desire to visit that era had become so strong that somehow he had found himself at the birth of the sport in the 1950s. He hadn’t understood how he had done it or why, but he had returned back to his own timeline and everything had been okay. He had been too young to effect any change.
But as he got older, he got wiser. He knew that changing the past could alter the future.
The periods where he would be sent back in time weren’t frequent as he grew older. He discovered that they only tended to happen when he had experienced strong emotion, so he had learnt how to tame his emotions. It had worked for a number of years, he hadn’t gone back to the past in a while.
Everything was fine.
Until Kimi.
When Sebastian had lost his Husband when he was 34 years old, his powers had come back. But this time he had been sent back to 2003, and to a much younger Kimi.
And this was where Sebastian steps on the butterfly. No he doesn’t stamp on it. He crushes it until its organs and wings smear the ground.
Because he had not only slept with his younger husband in his messed up grief, he had also changed history.
He had accidentally made Kimi the 2003 World Champion.
He hadn’t meant to, it wasn’t conscious. He had just made an offhand comment to a mechanic about Kimi’s engine and as it turns out, the engine was meant to have broken that day. He had fixed it, which meant Kimi had gotten the points he had needed.
He had slept with Kimi after he had won the race, when Kimi was vulnerable and wondering if he could win the title.
Yes, yes he could. But Sebastian couldn’t tell him, he had already messed time up too much.
So Sebastian had shared his belief in him, but hadn’t said anything else. Kimi already knew he was from the future, but he never told Kimi anything about it to honour the timeline.
Which he’s now ruined.
He awakens the next morning, after sleeping with Kimi, to an empty bed. The sunshine streaming in through the window. Kimi’s words from the night before running around his head.
“Will you stay with me?”
Sebastian couldn’t promise that, so he had just kissed him, distracting the younger man with his body. He had nothing else left to offer.
Sebastian sits up, feeling around for a note or something from Kimi, when he notices his phone on the nightstand.
His modern phone.
He had gone back to his own timeline in his sleep.
Fuck.
He grabs his phone, flicking through it and checking his messages, but something was off. Something felt different.
He googles Kimi’s name and his mouth goes dry.
Three time formula one world champion Kimi Raikkonen. One championship with Mclaren, two with Ferrari.
Oh shit.
He wants to read the wikipedia entry some more, but he can’t handle reading about Kimi’s death, so he googles himself instead.
Oh. Fuck.
He had made it to F1, but had won only one championship with Red Bull. Mark Webber had won the rest.
Fucking hell.
After 2013 Sebastian had retired it seems, never to be heard from again.
So all of Sebastian’s achievements had been wiped from history, and Kimi had gained more titles.
He gets out of bed and throws on his clothes, checking that he was still at the track. Thankfully he was still at the hotel located by Spa so some things had clearly stayed the same.
He gets to the paddock, somehow snagging someone’s paddock pass and entering the area, looking around to see what else had changed.
Oh.
There in front of him stands Kimi, chatting happily away to someone from Ferrari.
He’s alive?!
He can’t stop himself, he all but runs to him, almost leaping on the older man as he hugs him tightly.
“Kimi, oh my Liebling, oh you’re alive! You’re here!”
He finds himself being shoved off by the older man, anger in his eyes.
“Hey watch it, Vettel, what’s up with you?”
“Kimi? It’s me?” Sebastian whispers the words, confused.
“So? Why are you back here?” Kimi looks about to dismiss him, but then the woman standing next to Kimi gently reaches out to him.
Her hand has a golden wedding band on it, one Sebastian should have on his own finger.
It’s Jenni.
Kimi is still with Jenni?!
Sebastian looks at his own hand to see he isn’t wearing a ring.
Oh. Shit.
“Maybe he’s been drinking?” Jenni tells Kimi quietly, who nods in agreement.
“Sebastian, maybe you’d better leave?” Kimi offers, not meeting his eyes.
“But Kimi, I’m your-”
“You’re not anything, Seb. Just go.”
Sebastian swallows hard, giving a nod as he turns to exit the paddock.
He had finally messed up badly with his powers.
Sebastian should leave it at that, but he finds he can’t.
He ends up waiting for Kimi to leave the paddock on his own, and when he does he follows him.
It’s a stupid idea, but he’s out of rational ones.
“Kimi!”
Kimi looks up, his face hiding his true emotions. “What do you want, Sebastian?”
“I wanted to talk, please can we talk?”
“About what?” There’s this emotion in Kimi’s eyes, like a haunted memory.
“About what’s happening, about Jenni?”
Kimi swallows hard. “She’s my wife, so?”
“So, is everything okay? Are you, are you happy?” Sebastian finds he can’t really get the words out.
“She stayed because I became a world champion. We made it work.” Kimi shrugs.
“Work? So you’re not happy?”
“Of fucking course I’m not, Seb! I’m not happy!” and now Sebastian can see this wild light in Kimi’s eyes. The Finn moves closer to him, jabbing his finger into his chest. “It’s all your fucking fault!”
“You gave me hints that the real Seb liked me! You told me we had a future, but nothing happened. You came and went and you never showed up. After that day I slept with you, nothing changed but you did disappear. I held onto your memory, hoping that you from my timeline would approach, but after I won my title everything felt different. Nothing was the same after that one race.”
“I didn’t mean to, I swear. I swear Kimi please.” Sebastian whispers, his heart smashing into the ground.
“Fuck you, Seb. Just fuck you. You were a fantasy I could never have.” Kimi looks at him in disgust, before turning his back on him.
Sebastian stands there, breathing heavily as he tries to leave the circuit, his entire body shaking.
He reads Kimi’s entire wikipedia in full that night.
Jenni had stayed. She had refused the divorce and Kimi wasn’t able to prove the breakdown enough to get it. They had stayed together in a toxic mess of a relationship and they were both deeply unhappy.
Sebastian feels his tears drip onto the phone.
He had changed time, made it so Kimi hadn’t died, and yet- and yet this future was worse than if Kimi had died.
His heart starts to race in his chest and his fingers tingle.
He doesn’t stop it from happening.
The next time he opens his eyes, he’s back in 2003.
He’s back where he started. He knows what he has to do.
Sebastian doesn’t take the photography job. He doesn’t get to know the younger Kimi. He doesn’t fix the engine.
He lets everything play out with a sort of numb finality about it.
He’s never felt this defeated in his entire life.
What good was all his titles and achievements if he didn’t have Kimi at his side? Yes, the alternative Kimi was miserable, but he had been alive. He had been there with Sebastian.
But he knew it wasn’t a future that would make Kimi happy.
Kimi had been happy with him, so maybe he had to let his husband go. Maybe this was the universe telling him he couldn’t change fate and that he had to let Kimi die.
He feels himself go back to the future, but it doesn’t feel like it usually does. It doesn’t feel like he’s floating through the timeline, instead he feels himself slamming into the future like he wasn’t meant to be there.
When he looks around the room, his heart stops.
It wasn’t the future. 1st January 2022.
The date Kimi leaves the house and gets into the car.
And he doesn’t come back.
Sebastian looks up as Kimi appears, grinning at him. “Why are you on the stairs? Idiot?”
Sebastian looks around, seeing that he is indeed sitting on the bottom of the stairs in their house in Switzerland. “Uh, nothing much.”
“Mhm, right. Well, I’m going to the store, do you want anything?”
Sebastian goes cold. He watches Kimi twirling his key around his finger and he can’t stop himself.
“Don’t go.”
“Why?” Kimi asks, frowning at his husband.
“It’s raining, and cold. Stay in with me?” He gets off the stairs and takes Kimi’s hands. “Stay with me?”
Kimi snorts softly, but looks at his husband. “Okay? Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine, I just want you here. Please?” Sebastian almost begs.
“Okay okay, Sebby. But I will warn you, we are out of your favourite snacks.”
“I don’t care. I just need you to stay with me.”
Kimi looks at Sebastian and gently cups his cheek. “I will stay with you, forever. Like I promised in our vows.”
Sebastian nods, a tear moving down his cheek which Kimi tenderly wipes away.
“Lets go to the living room and talk, hm? I can get us some throw blankets and we can watch TV?”
“Please.” Sebastian whispers, pressing a tender kiss to Kimi’s palm.
He finds himself led into the living room with Kimi, and for the final time feels himself tugged back to his own timeline.
He awakens in bed, back in the present. He slowly turns around and sees Kimi sleeping next to him.
A sob threatens to break from him, but he holds it back. Instead he tenderly brushes Kimi’s hair out of his eyes and marvels at him being here, alive and well.
Kimi’s eyes slowly open and he smiles lovingly at Sebastian. “Hello, Kulta.”
Sebastian wordlessly leans in to kiss him, slow and sweet, tangling their hands together with their rings.
There would be consequences for allowing Kimi to live, but Sebastian doesn’t care. He has his husband warm and alive in his arms, where he’s meant to be.
Damn the consequences.