Work Text:
Hearing a loud thud, Ludwig wakes up.
On the floor.
It seems as if he had fallen off of his bed just now, which would explain the thud he had heared, the ringing in his ears and the duvet wrapped around his body. He assumed that it was already a bit late in the morning, seeing how the rays of sunlight pierced through the curtains, and how he was alone in the room. He did feel quite groggy, and, to top it off, his muscles and joints hurt quite a lot. Untangling himself from the duvet, he pulled himself. Ludwig was fine waking up a bit later than usual, because, due to Feliciano's constant nagging, they had moved their usual training later into the day. Kiku took the oppurtunity to handle some of his own matters, leaving Ludwig alone with Feliciano. As much as Ludwig would not have wanted to admit it, just the two of them staying at home together was great. He really did enjoy his company and cheerful nature, even though it did bring him on edge.
Feliciano - that name suddenly brought a very recent memory. The memory of a dream.
He had dreamt of Feliciano running away, turning on him and everyone else. Waving a white flag, yet holding a gun in his other hand. Bitterness in his eyes, declaring himself free from the world and vanishing. A strange dream that, assuming so, had no meaning. But maybe it stressed Ludwig out enough for him to fall on the floor. He rubbed the back of his head, even though it didn't hurt. Thankfully, there was no blood, which saved him from trouble. His hair was messy and shaggy, and blood would have made it even messier. But would there be trouble if the dream would come true? If Feliciano just vanished, taking all he can with him, or nothing at all. Leaving nothing behind, but that angry gaze. Ludwig broke himself from his trance - he was overthinking. He needed food, something else to think about. Feliciano was not mad at him, and he needed to realize that already. He left the bedroom and walked to the kitchen with tired steps, where Feliciano already was. He did not hear the crackling of oil in the pan, but he was not surprised to see him making them breakfast.
"Buongiorno, Ludwig!" he exclaimed, shooting him a smile.
"Good morning," said Ludwig, giving him a nod as he made his way to the pot of coffee. He poured himself a big mugful and made his way to the table. It was quite hot and Ludwig didn't want to burn his throat, so he sat and waited for it to cool.
"Oh yeah, I got that coffee yesterday! It's kinda different from what we usually have, but it's great with milk! And sugar! Maybe cream, too."
Ludwig didn't bother to tell Feliciano to shut his mouth about the coffee, but he did wonder what it would taste like. He wasn't big on milk, sugar, cream or whatever Feliciano just listed. He swore he could have heard him say cinnamon, which he definitely would not try to put in his morning coffee. Ludwig took a small sip after letting the coffee cool down.
Bitterness hit his tongue and nostrils, and out of instinct he pulled the mug away from his lips. Bitter, like the look Feliciano had shot him and all of the world. What did that dream even mean? Ludwig couldn't help but be a bit curious, almost concerned. The crackling of oil came to a halt, as a plate was set infront of him. Toast, salad and what not, which, once again, broke him from his reverie.
"Ta-da! Breakfast!" cheered Feliciano, who was quite chipper, like always. Was he pretending? Maybe Feliciano had pushed him off the bed after Ludwig had said something in his sleep. No, why would he do that? Feliciano is a good man, an honest man.
But why would he have such a dream? Ludwig doesn't see dreams very often, and they never showed Feliciano angry like *this*. He may have looked annoyed or dissapointed, but not bitter. Not like that. Fury in his amber eyes, fists curled into a tight grip, not really even waving his white flag but shaking it.
His finger around the trigger of a gun that was not his, yet it was him. Feliciano. The man, that-
"Ludwig?"
For days, Ludwig would hear Feliciano call his name, snapping him out of his thoughts. The dream kept sneaking into his everyday thoughts. Kiku was still away, and Ludwig trained with Feliciano. However, he felt distant. Ludwig ran with him, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner with him, slept with him, yet he still felt worried. Anxious in a way which he could not explain. The way Feliciano was in the dream did not sit right with him, and he wanted answers. But he couldn't bring himself to talk to Feliciano regarding such silly things. They have not been allies for long, but Ludwig really did care about him. More than Feliciano would ever know, and more than Ludwig could show.
"Ludwig, it's gonna get cold!" Feliciano remarked. Ludwig shook himself awake and started eating, taking sips out of the bitter coffee aswell. Feliciano was used to Ludwig's silence, but he realized, that this was different. He didn't look him in the eyes, but Ludwig could tell.
"Why are you so sad?" Feliciano asked him, a small frown plastered on his face.
"I am not sad," responded Ludwig. "I'm just thinking about work."
"But you looked a little bit sad!" Feliciano whined, doubtful of what Ludwig said. Ludwig just gave him a sigh, not wanting to accuse Feliciano of wanting to leave the entire world on his own accord, if that was even possible. Maybe he could go about this another way.
"Feliciano," Ludwig started: "are you happy?"
"What?" Feliciano tilted his head a little, his voice surprisingly soft. "About what?"
"Well, about anything and everything. Being allies with me and Kiku, how others treat you and what not."
"Why wouldn't I be happy?"
Ludwig paused, swallowing before continuing. He would rather not have to mention the dream.
"Just answer me, are you happy?"
Feliciano gave what Ludwig had said some thought. Ludwig couldn't lie, that he had expected a quick and bright "yes!" from him.
"Well, yes. Things can be hard, and I'm not all that strong, but I think that as countries we can all be happy! So it's good, that I am happy!" Feliciano gave Ludwig a smile, his tone cheerful. He, however, noticed, a bit of longing in his voice.
Ludwig wanted to confirm what he had said once more: "So you are truly happy?"
Feliciano thought yet again. There must have been things that troubled him, due to the time he took answering. However, he just said "yeah!" and, once again, smiled at Ludwig. He continued:
"Do you think, that I'm not happy? Am I too cold?"
"No, no it's not that, Feliciano. I'm just checking in on you."
"Ohh, okay!" Feliciano said, seeming happy. Yet, under that smile, Ludwig still spotted a hint of worry.
He didn't want to make Feliciano worry.
"You just seemed so serious! Like, you looked, you know…" he waved his hands, "like you were not there! When you think about work, you look like you are there. And when you think about something serious, you're also there!"
Ludwig felt the need to say "distant", but he didn't want to seem like he was negating Feliciano's feelings. He didn't feel like he was there, either, but in the dream. He still did - it really bothered him for some reason. What child's play - he shouldn't let himself be this concerned with a dream. He, however, feared, that Feliciano really would leave.
"I just had a bad dream, that is all," Ludwig said, almost unconsciously. Maybe he should tell him, now that he mentioned it.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Feliciano, a frown on his face. "I could have helped you! You know, talked about it!"
"It is fine. Besides, you were gone when I woke up."
"The dream must have been really bad." Feliciano's soft tone paired the solemn look on his face. He had noticed how Ludwig had been acting. Something was wrong.
"It was. Or, well, I feared that it would be true." Ludwig felt a bit embarrassed saying the words, but he was being sincere.
"So… what happened?"
Ludwig begun, trying to keep himself calm and collected.
"I don't remember it all that well, as I saw the dream a few days ago…"
"Uh-huh?"
"But I remember what happened. I stood next to the Allies and Kiku, facing you. You were far, yet I could see you so clearly…"
Feliciano's curiosity had been piqued, yet he didn't say a word.
"Your face was bitter. Envious. Furious. Disgusted, even. You waved your white flag, yet you held a gun. It wasn't your gun, but it was still you."
"You thought, that I would look at you that way?"
"… Yes."
"Why?"
Ludwig's expression was quite flat, yet there was a hint of woe in it. He continued:
"You declared yourself "free of the world" and ran away, vanishing. I was…" Ludwig sighed, "afraid, that you would leave. That you were not happy with us and the world. And, maybe, you are unhappy."
Feliciano's sad expression turned into a hurt one, as if what Ludwig said was a grave accusation.
"Ludwig, I would never do something like that! I'm happy with you and Kiku and everyone and everything else!"
Ludwig was happy to hear it, but he just didn't feel convinced. He didn't feel right about it.
"You would tell us if you felt bothered, right?"
"Yes, of course we would! We're friends! You're my best friend!"
Ludwig swallowed a lump in his throat. The whining, "useless" Italy was so dear to him, and hearing him call him his best friend made him happy. It really did.
But-
*THUD*
Feliciano had left his chair and ran into Ludwig. He hugged him tightly, pushing his face into Ludwig's chest. Feliciano wasn't that big or strong so it didn't hurt so much, but he certainly did hug him hard. As hard as Feliciano could. Ludwig hugged him back. He usually didn't feel so open about his feelings, but this moment felt right to say the things he wanted to say. Atleast some of them.
"I am sorry for accusing you of such things, Feliciano. I just wanted to make sure, that you were okay."
"I love you Ludwig, I really do! I wouldn't leave like that!" Feliciano bawled. He was crying into Ludwig's jacket, like the emotional Italian he is. Ludwig got the confirmation that he needed: Feliciano was happy, or so he now hoped. He was not leaving. They could be together, stay as allies and stay as friends. But the phrase "I love you" hit Ludwig a bit harder than it should have.
"Ich liebe dich", said Ludwig. He knew Feliciano would not understand, but Feliciano knew that it was a sort of love. And it was enough for Feliciano. Feliciano kept hugging him, and Ludwig hugged him back.
But it still did not feel right. Something was still tugging at him. He wanted to say something, something that could be detrimental. Detrimental to what he had. Ludwig, however, kept quiet. He loved him, and he always had. But now that he made sure that Feliciano would stay, he really didn't want to make him leave. He had already said what he wanted to say, but Feliciano did not know. So all he did was hug back and pat Feliciano on his shoulder while he rambled on about how much he liked Ludwig and everyone else. How happy and grateful he was. All while clinging onto Ludwig.
Ludwig clung onto him.
He loved him, too.