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“Sino kaya mananalo sa tatlong ‘yan by the end of filming?” Rinig kong tanong ng isa sa mga co-actress ko.
“Malakas chemistry with Matthew, pero malakas din hatak ni John, so wala akong hula as of now,” Pabulong naman na sagot ng isa rin sa mga kasama namin sa set ngayon.
Pinigilan ko ang sariling lingunin sila. Mga chismosa.
Walang mananalo sa tatlo! Kasi may nanalo na kaya. Hmp.
Pinabayaan ko ang inis na humupa, bago huminga ng malalim.
Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa eksena na ngayon ay kinukuhanan ng iilang camera rin.
Kung nakakamatay lang ang pagtitig, siguro kriminal na ako pagkatapos humandusay ng tatlong ‘to sa sahig.
Mga malalandi!
Buti na lang masama talaga ugali ko sa script. At least hindi ako maiissue na laging nakabusangot sa set.
Nakakainis.
Bakit ko ba tinanggap ang role na ‘to?
Hay. Siyempre, dapat supportive tayo.
“Jhoanna!” Naramdaman ko ang mabigat na kamay sa balikat ko.
“Teka lang, Ate Colet,” Sabi ko sa kanya bago muling ibinalik ang tingin sa tatlong lalaki na ngayon ay nakapalibot sa lead actress namin.
Mga asungot.
“Ikaw lang rin nagpapahirap sa sarili mo, Jhoanna. Tara sa tent mo, kikitain ka daw niya mamaya after this scene,” Bulong ni Ate Colet.
Agad namang nabuhayan ang loob ko.
Yes!!
Baby time!!
Hindi na ‘ko nagpahila pa kay Ate Colet at kusa nang nagtungo sa tent na reserved para sa’kin.
Agad kong inayos ang mga nakakalat na damit at bagahe, habang pumwesto naman si Ate Colet sa labas ng tent.
Hinihintay siya.
Nang masigurong maayos na ang lahat, umupo ako dahil sa pagod.
The memory of them flirting earlier clouding my mind.
Ano ba ‘yan.
Alam ko namang dapat professional ako, since literal na senior ako ng halos lahat ng mga artista dito.
Pero siyempre, tao lang din naman ako, nakakaramdam ng selos.
I sighed loudly. Tatayo na sana ako para lumabas dahil parang nasusuffocate ako rito sa loob ng maramdaman ko ang pamilyar niyang braso na pumapaikot sa katawan ko.
“Hi baby..” Bulong niya, before nuzzling her face in my hair.
“Hi..” Sagot ko, ruffling her hair before settling my hand sa ulo niya, caressing it softly.
Ito lang siguro ang advantage ng pagiging magkatrabaho namin.
I get to see her anytime, kahit na ba nakakapag-tagpo lang kami ng patago.
Dati kasi, when I’m just the one that is working, naguguilty ako sa tuwing umuuwi ako days after and she looked like she didn’t get enough sleep.
She always says she sleeps better when I’m with her, but because of my work, mas madalas kaming magkahiwalay kesa magkasama.
I guess she never got used to me being away.
“You smell good..” Muli niyang bulong.
I smiled. Niluwagan ko ang yakap niya sa’kin saka pumihit paharap sa kanya.
“Hi, my baby..” Muli kong bati sa kanya, cupping her face.
Pumikit siya, succumbing more on my touch. Halata ang pagod sa mukha niya.
I can only imagine her exhaustion. May tatlong asungot pa siyang tinitiis. Hay.
“Kapagod..” Sumbong niya. Tumango naman ako before pulling her on a makeshift couch na nandito sa loob ng tent.
Umupo ako rito, and patted my lap.
“Sleep ka muna? I’ll wake you up later,” Suggestion ko.
Baguhan pa lang siya sa ganitong set-up, so I understand kung bakit napapagod siya kaagad.
She nodded before placing herself sa hita ko, sitting sideways with her thighs over mine. She leaned and placed her head on the crook of my neck.
“I can’t imagine how you do this everyday..”
Tumawa lang ako. Ang baby baby niya talaga kapag inaantok. “Sanayan lang ‘yan, baby. Sleep ka muna, hmm?”
Umiling siya. “No, I realized I only got to see and touch you today. I can sleep later,” She said stubbornly.
Hay na’ko, ang kulit. Oras na para gawin ang ipinagbabawal na teknik.
I placed a hand on her jaw, caressing it softly. Kinuha naman niya agad ang kamay ko. “I know what you’re doing, Jhoanna, stop that,”
Ay, busted agad. Natawa lang ako. “Babyyy, you need to rest kasi,”
“I’m resting now.” Ungot niya, caressing my hand with her thumb.
Dahil matigas ang ulo niya, hinayaan ko na lang. Makakatulog naman ‘to kapag di na talaga niya kaya.
Lindtsey Stacey Sevilleja-Robles.
Stacey Sevilleja sa mga billboard.
I met her noong kumukuha ako ng vocational course during my hiatus period. Kaklase ko siya.
Being a child star, hindi na ako nagkaroon ng chance na makapag-aral ng normal, let alone a choice to pick up a 4 year course na gusto ko.
At bilang ngayon lang ata ako nagkaroon ng mahabang panahon para totoong makapag-pahinga since I was casted noong 10 years old ako, I took the opportunity.
Indefinite din naman kung hanggang kailan ang pagka-wala ko sa harap ng camera.
No, hindi ako naissue, nacancel, nabuntis (yuck) o ano pa man.
Let’s just say the iron was finally ruined kakastrike ko while it’s still hot.
Nagpakasal kami ni Stacey 5 years after we started dating. She’s everything to me. The half of my soul. Ang pahinga ko pagkatapos ng buong araw at di matapos-tapos na shooting. She saw me on my highest and lows; at nanatili siya despite seeing my flaws, the ones not captured on camera.
Nang bumalik ako mula sa hiatus ko, which by the way lasted for almost 2 years rin, I decided na gawing public sana ang relationship ko with her.
But then she got casted.
At sino ba naman ako para pigilan siya, diba?
So we decided to hide our relationship.
Pero shet, nag-backfire.
Bakit ba kasi ang ganda ng asawa ko?
First project pa lang, tatlong asungot na agad ang nag-aagawan sa kanya.
Kaimbyerna.
Nang tinawagan ako ni Ate Colet, ang manager ko, about a role offered sa isang bagong project which is to be lead by a ‘newbie’ raw, excited pa ako.
Wala naman kasi akong problema sa mga newbie. Cute nga sila kasama sa set.
And mas natuwa pa ako upon knowing na it’s my wife’s first project pala. ‘Di syempre tinanggap ko na!
Doon ako nagkamali.
Tinanggap ko without actually reading the role offered sa’kin.
Nalaman ko na lang noong umuwi ang asawa ko, an amused smile on her lips.
“Baby? I’m home,” Rinig kong tawag ni Stacey.
“Babe! I’m here sa kusina!”
Maya-maya naman ay naramdaman ko na ang presensya niya sa likod ko looking over sa hinahalo kong ulam.
“Sinigang?” She asked excitedly.
“Opo, for my very magaling na baby!”
Humarap ako sa kanya, throwing my hands over her shoulders at niyakap siya.
Ang bango bango naman, hay.
“Congratulations sa very first project mo!” Sabi ko sa kanya, opting out the role offered and I accepted kanina.
Baka kasi hindi pa nasasabi sa kanya. Pero naeexcite na agad ako!
She placed smooches on my cheeks repeatedly, before she settled on my neck, inhaling deeply.
“Thank you, but we have something to talk about pala, would you be done after I go and change?” Bulong niya seconds after.
Kumalas naman ako sa kanya before getting back sa pagluluto.
“Yup! Go change, matatapos na rin ako, sa sala tayo?”
Tumango siya before giving my temple a final kiss. Saka siya lumabas ng kusina.
Ano kaya ‘yung pag-uusapan namin?
“Ha..?”
“Baby, do you just accept a role ng ganun ganun na lang?” She asked, bewildered.
Kinuha ko agad ang phone ko na nasa center table at dinaial ang number ni Ate Colet.
What the heck.
Di sumasagot!
“I swear Babe! Hindi ko alam!”
Stacey squinted her eyes at me bago kinuha ang phone kong kanina ko pa dinudutdot.
Ano ba ‘tong si Ate Colet! Hindi sumasagot!
“Ate Colet’s probably resting na, Babe. Just call her tomorrow. Pero seriously? Why do I feel like tinanggap mo agad upon hearing na I’ll be leading it? Without asking for other details?”
Namula naman agad ako.
Obvious ba?
Syempre gusto ko maging supportive!
I bit my lip.
Ano ba ‘tong gulo na pinasok ko!
Huminga ng malalim si Stacey bago ako hinila papalapit sa kanya.
Speechless pa rin ako sa kashungahan ko.
Naramdaman ko ang pagkabig sa akin ni Stacey papalapit. Hugging my body closer to her.
Isinandal ko ang ulo sa dibdib niya.
Realizations dawned on me.
“Babe, hindi ko kayang sampal-sampalin ka!” Naghihysterical kong sabi sa kanya.
I felt her giggling against me.
“Hoy! Wag mo ko tawanan! Seryoso ako. Baby, hindi ko kayang awayin ka! Umiiyak nga ‘ko kapag inaaway mo ‘ko diba?”
Agad naman niya akong nilayo sa kanya, looking at me directly. “Kailan naman kita inaway?”
“Kahapon! Nung inubos ko ‘yung natirang coke sa ref! Hindi mo ako pinapansin,”
She looked at me, deadpanned. “That was like, your 3rd bottle, Baby. Sinabihan na kita na at least limit na kahit hanggang 2 bottles a week. Kahapon, ‘yung pangatlo mong bote, for today lang. Tinago mo pa sa’kin. Of course I’m upset,”
I pouted. Edi sorry naman!
Niyakap naman niya ako ulit. “Well, it’s your fault naman. So I guess problema mo na how to act accordingly once we’re on set,”
Napatingin naman ako agad sa kanya. “Baby, okay lang sa’yo sampal-sampalin kita???”
She shrugged. “You’re the one who taught me about professionalism. Besides, according to the script, I’m not fighting you back. I think at some point I like you secretly there, since sobrang submissive ko sa’yo hahaha,”
Kumunot ang noo ko. Ang unfair naman!
“Ano ba ‘yannnn,” Ungot ko.
I heard Stacey chuckle before placing a chaste kiss sa ulo ko. “I guess I’ll just see you sa shooting next week,”
“Jhoanna?” Rinig kong tawag ni Ate Colet sa labas ng tent.
“Pasok,” Tawag ko sa kanya.
Pumasok naman siya at isinara ang pinto ng tent kaagad.
She smiled softly upon seeing my wife sleeping peacefully on my lap.
“Hinahanap na siya ni Maloi,” Bulong niya sa akin.
I sighed. Ang hirap naman ng sitwasyon na ‘to.
Si Ate Colet lang kasi ang nakakaalam ng tungkol sa amin. Nanay niya ang manager ko dati, and noong grumaduate si Ate Colet, siya naman ang pumalit ng magkasakit ang nanay niya.
Ate Colet’s been there ever since Stacey and I started dating, and later on nang magpakasal kami. Isa nga siya sa mga witness namin, aside from our family.
Hindi pa nasasabi ni Stacey kay Ate Maloi, ang manager nito, since according to her, Ate Maloi’s a diehard fan ng ship nila ni Matthew. Yuck. Naghahanap pa siya ng right timing. I respect her decision naman, so hinayaan ko na lang.
Kaya sa tuwing nagkikita kami ni Stacey, inientertain ni Ate Colet si Ate Maloi.
I guess Baby time is over for now.
Hinaplos ko ang likod ni Stacey, trying my best to wake her up in the most gentle way possible.
Nakapag-power nap naman siguro siya, 30 minutes din siyang di gumalaw sa pwesto niya eh.
“Babe..?” Stacey groggily called.
“Hey,” Tawag ko sa kanya, pushing the hair out of her face. “Hanap ka na ni Ate Maloi,”
Tumango lang siya, before putting her legs down. She combed her hair back, using her fingers, before patting her face to check for any signs of sleep.
Humarap siya sa’kin. Ngumiti naman ako.
Ang ganda ganda lang ng asawa ko. “Hi, gorgeous,”
“Baliw,” Sabi lang niya bago inialis ang tingin sa akin. Hinarap niya si Ate Colet na nakaupo at nakatingin lang sa’min.
“Hi, Ate Colet. Thank you ulit,”
“No probs, Mrs. Robles,” Pabirong sagot ni Ate Colet. “Iniwan ko si Maloi sa trailer niyo, sabi ko ako na hahanap sa’yo eh,”
Tumango lang si Stacey, before clasping my hand. Tumayo siya, pulling me with her.
Naglakad kami papalabas, at bago niya buksan ang pinto ay muli siya humarap sa akin, cupping my face.
Stacey kissed me, her hand making its way on the back of my head, preventing me from pulling back. As if gugustuhin kong lumayo, ‘di ba?
I kissed her back with the same fervor, smiling onto her lips when I heard the softest whimper from her.
It was a sweet kiss. She smiled ng maghiwalay kami and pecked me one last time before opening the door.
Nang wala na siya ay huminga ako ng malalim.
“Malapit naman nang matapos ang shooting,” Pag-alo sa akin ni Ate Colet.
Tumango ako, dreading the final scenes to shoot.
Ang pangit lang kasi ng ugali ng character ko.
Hayok na hayok sa hotdog! Professional naman akong artista, pero minsan talaga di ko maiwasan mag-cringe internally everytime kailangan kong mag-act na nagpapapansin kay John.
Tapos kay Aubrey ako magagalit kapag hindi ako pinapansin?! May sapak talaga sa ulo ‘yung character ko eh.
Ishoshoot na kasi namin sa mga susunod na araw ‘yung confrontational scene talaga sa pagitan namin ni Aubrey. Nung mga nakaraan kasi, death glares at tulak tulak lang ginagawa ko sa kanya as an antagonist.
Ngayon na ‘yung sampalan.
Jusko, feeling ko iiyak ako after ko siya sampalin.
Ang ewan pa naman nung director namin. Gusto ng maraming take para raw may mapagpilian for the final cut.
Muli akong huminga ng malalim.
Magbabakasyon talaga kaming mag-asawa after all this. I need to make up with my wife.
“Robles! Ano bang ginagawa mo!”
I heaved a deep sigh, before putting my game face on, again.
Stacey looked at me encouragingly.
“Again, rolling in 3! Robles! Umayos ka, please!”
Tumango lang ako without looking at the director.
Baka mairapan ko lang siya.
Ibinalik ko ang bitch kong mukha.
I internally pouted. Ang demonyo talaga ng character ko. Grabe, pa’no niya naaatim na awayin ang mukhang ‘to?
Eh sobrang ganda kaya ng asawa ko! Mukhang anghel huhu tapos aaway-awayin lang niya?
I heaved a sigh, then I heard the familiar snap, cueing the start of that scene.
“Christine, I already told Luke, okay? I don’t like him,”
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. “Liar! Akala mo hindi ko kayo nakita kahapon? You tell me that pero patago mo naman siyang nilalandi!”
Aubrey’s eyes welled with tears. “That’s because I told him I don’t like him, and he should stop pursuing me, b-because,” Nag-iwas ito ng tingin. “B-Because I like someone else,”
“‘Wag mo ‘kong pinipikot, Aubrey. I know girls like you. Kaya ka lumalapit sa akin is because you know I’m a threat, ‘di ba? I despise people like you!” I shouted with spite.
“C-Christine, no,” Akma itong lalapit sa’kin. Agad akong humakbang paatras.
“Don’t come near me! Akala mo kung sino kang mabait!”
A lone tear dropped from Aubrey’s eye, as she fought a whimper from coming out. “Y-You can have him, Christine, I promise I won’t interfere—”
I slapped her, hard.
“Wow, ganyan ba kababa ang tingin mo sa akin?! Na you need to ‘give him away’ so I can have him?! Bitch, I can have him nandyan ka man o wala. Pokpok!”
She didn’t answer, just standing there looking at me.
“And, cut!”
I heard the collective sigh na pinakawalan ng lahat.
It was a long day.
Iniwas ko ang tingin kay Stacey na ngayon ay nakayuko. Huminga ako ng malalim, trying to calm my rapid beating heart.
Nakita ko naman ang paglapit ni Matthew sa amin.
“Hey, Lindtsey, you did great,” Sabi niya sabay abot ng tubig. Tumingin din siya sa akin. “You as well,” Dagdag niya, smiling.
Yuck.
Tumango lang ako, before leaving the two of them alone.
Baka di ko kasi mapigilan ang sarili ko, at kunin ko ang bote ng tubig na nasa kamay ni Stacey, saka ihagis ‘to sa mukha ni Matthew.
Mas gusto ni Stacey ng juice after ng mabigat na eksena. Mas gusto niya matamis.
Saka ang kapal ‘non, nakiki-Lindtsey, amp. Pangit!
Pumasok ako ng tent, at nanghihinang napaupo sa isang bakanteng upuan.
Nanginginig ang kamay ko. Buti na lang di napansin ni Direk.
Mamaya-maya naman ay pumasok si Ate Colet sa tent ko. “Hey, tapos na ‘yung scene?”
Nanghihina naman akong napatango. She patted my shoulder. “At least tapos na. Light na ‘yung mga susunod. You did great,”
“I don’t feel great,” I mumbled.
Natawa siya. “Well magtataka ako kung you feel great, eh sinampal mo lang naman ang asawa mo,”
I heaved a sigh. “Can I see her later?”
Tumango lang naman si Ate Colet. “May meeting mamaya ang managers regarding sa location ng final shooting, around 30 minutes to 1 hour din siguro ‘yun. Papuntahin ko na lang si Stacey dito mamaya,”
“Thank you,”
Sumabay ako kay Ate Colet nang lumabas siya. Bibili ako ng juice, saka sweets for my wife. I don’t know kung nakakain na ba siya prior to visiting me mamaya pero I just want to have something prepared for her.
Nang makabalik ako sa tent ay nagulat ako dahil nasa loob na siya, her face void of makeup, naka-comfortable clothes na rin siya, since wala naman na kaming dapat ishoot sa location na ‘to for tonight.
“Hi,” Bati niya sa’kin, hindi na tumayo mula sa makeshift couch.
Inilapag ko lang sa mesa ang mga dala ko saka ko siya nilapitan.
I placed myself on her lap, putting my arms around her as I straddled her, squeezing my face in on the crevice between her neck and shoulder.
“Hello..” I whispered, kissing her neck.
Humigpit naman ang yakap niya sa’kin, her hands doing slow, circular motions sa likod ko.
Maya-maya ay kumalas ako sa kanya, cupping her face with both of my hands. Hinalikan ko ang nakaawang niyang labi, before moving all over her face, dropping soft kisses here and there.
My final stop was her lips, kissing her passionately before landing one last peck on her nose.
Tinitigan ko ang mukha niya. She looked back at me, a lazy smile on her moistened lips.
“Does it hurt?” Tanong ko sa kanya after minutes of just silence and basking in each other’s embrace.
I cupped her cheek, softly caressing the one I slapped earlier.
Umiling siya. “Kung ganito lang din naman ang kapalit, I’ll let myself be slapped by you everytime,”
“Staks!” Saway ko sa kanya, letting her see how serious I am.
Syempre, gusto ko malaman, baka kasi totoong nasaktan ko siya.
She cupped my cheek. “No, sweetheart, it doesn’t, okay? Don’t worry,” She leaned closer, and gave me an eskimo kiss.
“Pero at least alam ko na ngayon na wag kang gagalitin,” She added, chuckling.
Mahina ko siyang hinampas sa braso.
Kahit ata magalit ako sa kanya, hindi ko magagawang saktan siya ng ganon.
“Last shooting na lang, and it’s all over,” Bulong ko sa kanya.
She leaned closer to me, her forehead bumping with mine.
“Can’t wait to have you all by myself,” I whispered.
She smirked. “Patience, Baby,” Sagot niya, stealing a chaste kiss before opening her eyes.
“Soon,”
Nasa last shooting scene na kami.
Kahit na pangit ang pagkakasulat sa character ko, ‘yung overall plot naman ng movie ay maganda.
For sure, papatok ‘to.
Hay, mukhang mapopostpone ang bakasyon namin ni Stacey. For sure, dahil sa magiging success ng movie, mas marami ang mag-ooffer sa kanya ng projects.
I pouted at the idea.
Torn ako. Masaya ako dahil Stacey deserves it, she really worked hard for this. Pero as her wife, gusto ko rin siya masolo.
Ano ba ‘yan! Ngayon alam ko na ang nararamdaman niya before.
Dahil tapos naman na ang scenes ko, pupwede naman na akong umalis at bumalik sa trailer ko. Hindi pa ako pwede umuwi kasi may celebratory dinner pa mamaya with everyone to commemorate the success of the production.
Pero bakit ako aalis? Marami rin naman sa co-stars ko ang nanatili at pinapanood ang huling take ni Stacey sa scene na ’to. And I want to watch my wife.
Open-ended ang ending ng movie.
Aubrey didn’t choose between the three. Pero obvious naman kung sino ang pipiliin ng mga tao by the end.
Syempre si Luke, ang pinoportray ni Matthew.
After the director shouted cut, everyone clapped.
Isa na ako ‘ron.
I may not say anything to Stacey all throughout the shoot to maintain the ‘away’ but I always let her know naman how I’m proud of her behind the doors.
I maintained a stoic face as she bowed to everyone and thanked them for their hard work.
Nakita ko kung paano siya tinapik ni Paul sa balikat and motioned for the four of them to have a group hug.
She hesitated, and cast a look my way. Nabigla naman ako. We’re not supposed to be friends kaya.
Huy, baby!
Para namang napansin ni Paul ang pag-aalinlangan niya, and followed her stare.
Kumaway si Paul sa akin, motioning for me to come closer. I followed him. Buti na lang, maharot siya.
Nang makalapit ako ay nginitian ako nung tatlong asungot.
“Group hug!” Sabi ni Paul.
Nakita ko sa peripheral vision ko ang pagtago ni Stacey ng tawa as she let herself be dragged sa group hug.
“Sorry pala sa character mo, Jhoanna, may type na kasi akong iba,” Sabi ni John after the hug broke.
Tumaas ang kilay ko.
Pake ko?
“Jokes on you, John, di ka rin niya type,” Sagot ni Matthew dito. “In fact, di kayo talo,” Dagdag niya, as he moved his stare away from me to Stacey. He smirked.
I saw how Stacey stiffened on that.
My hand formed a fist.
Inis na inis ako sa presensya ng kumag na ‘to, simula pa lang eh.
“Uhm, Jhoanna? Let’s go? Tawag ka ata ng manager mo,” Sabat ni Stacey, tinuturo si Ate Colet na naghihintay sa akin sa may tent.
Sinamaan ko lang ng tingin si Matthew. Di ko naman na kailangan pang makipag-plastikan sa kanya. So might as well show him how much I hate him.
Sumabay sa’kin si Stacey sa pag-alis.
Before we get far enough, narinig ko ang boses ni Paul.
“Totoo ba ‘yun Dude? Akala ko rumors lang ‘yung dati?”
“Walang kakalat kung walang katotohanan, Paul,” Matthew answered.
I felt Stacey urging me to go faster.
Nararamdaman ko ang panginginig ng kamao ko.
Kairita.
Once I got back sa trailer, I heaved a loud sigh para kalmahin ang sarili. I paced back and forth; feeling the tingling sensation on my knuckles, itching to just land a jab sa mukha nung asungot na ‘yun.
Anong ibig sabihin ng tingin niya kanina?
Wala namang problema sa’kin kung ipagkalat niya sa buong set ang tungkol sa naging ‘issue’ ko years back.
It’s not a problem, nor an issue for me. Para kasi sa’kin, naging totoo lang ako sa sarili ko, at naiintindihan ko ang naging immediate reaction ng mga tao.
I came out as gay years ago. Kaya rin ako nagka-’indefinite’ hiatus. My management was testing the waters, kung malakas pa rin ba ang fanbase ko once I got back.
At hindi naman nila ako binigo. Kaya nga ako confident noon na ireveal na rin ang marriage status ko sa lahat, since alam kong tanggap na nila ako.
But then I realized I can’t do that to Stacey. Pasimula pa lang siya, and I don’t want to ruin that for her. Kaya I agreed to hide our relationship muna.
Muli akong nairita nang maalala ang mukha ni Matthew kanina.
He looked at me as if he was mocking me. Ang kapal ng mukha.
Narinig ko ang pagtunog ng notification sa phone ko.
Baby Jho
Babe? Nasa trailer ka ba?
Yeah, bakit?
Baby Jho
Can I go there? I’ve got 20 minutes bago magpunta ang lahat sa restaurant
Okay. Hintayin kita
Ramdam ko pa rin ang inis nang maramdaman ko ang mga braso ni Stacey sa katawan ko.
She spun me around, before cupping my face and kissing me.
Hinalikan niya ako ng malalim, unspoken words on her kisses as she tried to assure me na ako lang.
I kissed her back with the same intensity. Hindi naman niya kailangan gawin ‘to but I’m thankful kasi hindi siya nagsasawa gawin ‘to everytime it happens.
She left my lips, but proceeded to drop kisses on my cheeks, nose and eyelids before settling her lips on my forehead.
Niyakap niya ako, caressing my hair as she murmured. “I love you..”
“I love you too,” Bulong ko sa kanya, face muffled on her chest.
Nanatili lang kaming nakatayo, basking on each other’s presence. Mamaya-maya ay nagsalita siya.
“I should go back, sabi ko kay Ate Maloi mag-CCR lang ako,” She said sheepishly.
I nodded. “Okay, baby. Thank you..” Umiling lang siya saka muli akong kinabig to place a kiss on my temple. “No need to thank me, okay? I’ll always do that kasi mahal kita.”
“Mahal rin kita,”
She smiled at me, cheeks flushed. “I’m thinking of telling Ate Maloi na pala,”
Tumango naman ako. “Okay, whenever you want. Text me if anything happens?”
“Will do, Babe. I’ll go na ha? See you later,” Kumaway lang siya sa’kin bago tuluyang lumabas ng trailer.
—————
“So, pinag-paalam ka pala ni Matthew mamaya,”
Pakiramdam ko nagkastrain ang leeg ko sa bilis ng pagkaka-lingon ko upon hearing what my manager said.
Nang-aasar ang tingin niya. “Level up na talaga kayo ha? Saan kayo magdadate mamaya? Sabi lang niya secret,”
“Pumayag ka..?”
Kumunot ang noo ni Ate Maloi, saka umiling. “No.. wala naman akong karapatan to do that, it’s your date,” She shrugged. “‘Yan din ang sinabi ko sa kanya kanina. I told him he should ask you, not me,”
Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag. Buti naman.
“Grabe, sobrang laki ng fanbase niyo! Siguro kalahati ng magiging viewers nung movie is shippers niyo. Gabi-gabing trending ‘yung #Lurey sa Twitter,” She excitedly reported.
My confidence deflated. I really wanted to tell Ate Maloi. She’s been my closest friend sa industry ever since I got casted, kaya naman noong kinailangan ko na ng manager, I didn’t hesitate to ask her.
But I can’t help but feel scared. I don’t know her thoughts about LGBT Couples, and she just keeps on talking about me and Matthew. I know she cares about me, but she always looks so ecstatic every time she talks about me and him.
I bit my lip out of frustration.
Maybe this isn’t the right time.
“So, lalabas nga kayo mamaya? Para if ever, pahatid na lang kita sa kanya sa apartment mo,”
Agad akong umiling. “No—No, sunduin mo ‘ko,” He’ll be adamant on visiting if he ever finds out where I live. And for sure, sooner or later, he’ll find out that I and Jhoanna live together.
That’s why I need to set things straight with him na agad. Maybe I need to be strong and firm in my rejection of his advances.
Tumango lang siya, a smile on her lips.
Hay.
The celebratory dinner was nice. Everyone praised me, and of course I thanked them for their hard work.
May invited din na ibang director, at marami na sa kanila ang humingi sa number ng manager ko so that they can contact daw me agad if ever may new projects sila. May nagbigay din ng calling cards.
Jhoanna and I didn’t talk all night. I kept on stealing glances on her, checking her alcohol intake.
Baka kasi sumobra. Every time she catches me staring, ngingiti lang siya and tatango, reassuring me she’s still fine and I shouldn’t worry.
I on the other hand, hindi ako uminom. I think I need to be sober para mamaya sa confrontation ko with Matthew. He had this smirk all night, and I think he’s even going around telling people we have this ‘date’ later after the dinner is over.
Hinayaan ko na lang. Hanggang ngayon na lang naman siya magkakaganyan.
When everyone went their separate ways sa labas ng restaurant, I made sure everyone was out of sight before I followed Matthew sa sasakyan niya.
I looked back at the restaurant and saw Jhoanna sitting in her car, looking at us. She had this worried look on her face. I smiled to let her know I’m fine. Tinaas niya ang phone and waved it at me to tell me to text her. I nodded, before looking back at Matthew who’s opening the passenger door, a big smile on his face.
I heaved a big sigh before entering.
Let’s get this over with.
Hindi lang mukha ni Matthew ang makapal. Pati bungo niya.
Before he can even drive us far away sa restaurant, sinabi ko na agad sa kanya ang agenda ko.
I told him I don’t like what he’s doing.
Syempre he reasoned na he can change my mind daw, ganyan. Just give him a chance.
After he invalidated my feelings towards sa kanya ng maraming beses, frustration filled me at sinabi ko na ang huling resort ko.
I told him I have someone. That I love them deeply, and I don’t think na magkaka-chance pa siya sa akin, since my someone is already very much into me, as I am to them.
Tumawa lang siya, saying na what I’ve been feeling towards my someone is just fleeting. I’ll never know daw.
Tangina.
Hindi na ako sumagot sa kanya at saka tinext na lang si Ate Maloi na sunduin ako sa park kung saan tumigil si Matthew ever since we started talking.
While waiting for my manager, Matthew keeps on spewing nonsense about him, and how he’s a much better ‘candidate’ than my someone.
Fuck him.
Nang matanaw ko ang sasakyan ni Ate Maloi, hindi ko na siya pina-tapos magsalita. Lumabas na lang ako ng sasakyan.
“So..?” Nakangiting tanong sa akin ni Ate Maloi while driving.
Halos wala ng sasakyan sa daan. It’s almost midnight, so wala na talagang traffic.
“What?” Pagod kong sagot sa kanya.
“How did it go??”
I shrugged. Wala na din akong energy magpanggap pa sa kanya. I don’t see the need to rin.
Tumingin lang siya sa’kin, then proceeded to drive silently.
Nang makarating sa harap ng apartment, I bade her goodbye without looking at her, saka lumabas na ako ng sasakyan.
“Stacey!”
Nakita ko si Ate Maloi na lumabas ng sasakyan. “Hey..”
Tumigil siya sa harapan ko, and held my hands.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m your friend first, before your manager,” She softly told me.
I can feel the tears welling on my eyes. Niyakap ko lang si Ate Maloi, and nodded against her shoulder.
I’ll tell you soon, Ate Maloi. I silently promised.
Tinapik naman niya ang balikat ko. “Okay, text me kung kailangan mo ‘ko ha? May around 1-2 weeks kang pahinga before the promotions starts. While waiting, get rest as much as you can, okay?”
Muli lang ako tumango.
Ngumiti lang siya. “Okay then. See you later, Stacey.”
Pinanood ko ang pag-alis ng sasakyan niya.
“Hey..”
I spun around and saw my wife, in her pajamas, waiting for me with a worried look on her face.
Parang lahat ng pagod at frustration ko sabay-sabay na bumuhos as I ran to her arms, and just let myself succumb to all the softness surrounds me that is Jhoanna.
I let myself cry, as she caressed my back.
She led me upstairs, her arm around me securely.
Pagpasok sa loob ay kinabig ko siya papalapit sa akin, catching her lips between mine, and she let me.
I maybe Stacey and countless men may ‘own’ me outside. But in here, behind the doors, she’s mine, and I’m hers.
-
An endless amount of flashing lights obscured my vision as I kept my eyes open with practice. I looked at the cameras, waving and smiling.
Iginala ko ang mata, searching through the mass of people. Nakita ko ang manager kong kumakaway sa likod.
I subtly nodded bago hinayaan ang host alalayan ako pababa. Nang makarating ako sa likod, agad akong iginiya ng manager ko pabalik sa trailer ko.
“The reviews are good, Stacey. Ang ganda ng kuha ng mga photographer sa’yo!” Ate Maloi reported excitedly.
Nginitian ko lang siya. Ramdam ko na agad ang pagod, knowing this night is going to be long.
Mukhang nahalata naman ni Ate Maloi ang pagod ko. She smiled sympathetically.
“Kain ka muna? May lunchboxes dito,” Sabi niya while getting a tupperware from a huge plastic.
Tinanggal ko ang suot na killer heels, saka nagpalit ng tsinelas. Mamaya-maya pa naman ako lalabas ulit. Nilinis ni Ate Maloi ang mga gamit na nasa taas ng vanity table saka inilapag ang pagkain doon. “Ito, kumain ka muna,”
I was about to open the food nang marinig namin ang pagkatok sa pintuan ng trailer ko.
Tiningnan ko si Ate Maloi, since I’m not expecting anyone naman. She shrugged, then proceeded to open the door small enough para masilip kung sino man ang kumakatok.
“Hey,” Rinig ko sa isang malalim na boses.
I inwardly sighed. Ano na namang kailangan ng lalaking ‘to?
Tiningnan ko lang si Ate Maloi na nakikipag-usap sa lalaking nasa labas bago ito muling sinara.
“Anong meron?” Tanong ko.
“May ibibigay lang daw siya sa’yo,” Ate Maloi said teasingly. I smiled awkwardly.
“Kitain ko muna siya sa labas?” I asked instead. Umiling naman siya.
“‘Di, sabi ko kumakain ka pa. Katabi lang naman ng trailer niya ‘yung atin, sabi ko balik siya after 20 minutes,”
Tumango lang ako saka tinuloy ang naudlot na pagkain ko.
I wish I could tell her.
“Hey Stacey,” Narinig kong tawag ng isang baritonong boses.
Nilingon ko siya, aware of the many eyes na nasa paligid lang namin.
I’m currently at the after-party of my very first lead project on a famous broadcasting station.
Kakatapos lang ng premiere night, and the big conference room is almost full with various celebrities, reporters, and other important people involved sa movie.
I gave him a smile. “Hey, John,”
He smiled charmingly. This is why he’s one of the most popular actors nowadays. Ang hilig niya ngumiti, at alam niya kung ano ang epekto nito sa madla.
“Mind if I join you muna? Wala pa kasi ‘yung iba nating kasama,”
“Sure,” Sagot ko, as if pwede ko siyang tanggihan.
John’s good. Probably the most I’m comfortable with sa dalawa ko pang katambal sa project na ‘to.
He doesn’t prod too much, but I notice his ulterior motives, so hindi ko rin talaga masabi na totoo siya sa pagiging mabait niya.
“I find it funny na sobrang kulit at daldal ng character mo sa movie but in real life.. ang tahimik mo,” He said, breaking the silence between us. That charming smile permanently plastered on his face.
Nakita ko sa peripheral vision ko ang manager niya na pasikretong kinukuhanan kami ng litrato.
I hid my irritation, and instead used my fingers to comb my hair.
Kung gagamitin nila ako, might as well look good sa mga pictures, right?
Umiling ako. “I might be just like that to the right people,” Pa-showbiz kong sagot.
Muli lang siyang ngumiti, at bago pa siya makapagsalita ay nakita ko sa likod niya ang isa sa mga co-lead namin.
Kumaway ito sa akin, at tumango lang ako as acknowledgement.
Si Paul.
Mabait din ‘to. But he’s too childish for my liking. First shoot namin sa scene, humirit na agad ng pick-up lines.
Normally, I would find that adorable. But siguro the mere fact na lalaki siya, at ang pangit ng delivery niya. No, not adorable at all.
Umupo siya sa harap ko, just beside John.
“Wow.. ang ganda naman natin tonight, Aubrey.” Banat niya, sabay kindat. I demurely laughed covering my mouth with my hand for effect. Of course, for the photos.
Unlike John, pakiramdam ko walang ulterior motives ‘tong si Paul, maliban sa magpapansin sa akin. Narinig ko sa mga ibang co-stars namin na he’s naturally flirty, so wag daw ako magpadala.
I scoffed internally. As if.
“Thank you, ikaw din naman,” Nakita ko ang paglawak ng ngiti niya.
“Bakit niyo naman sinosolo si Lindtsey?” Sabat ng isa pang mababang boses.
Napatingin kaming tatlo sa bagong dating.
Si Matthew.
Out of the three, he’s the one that gets on my nerves the most.
“It’s Stacey, Matthew.” I immediately quipped.
Iritang-irita ako sa lahat ng pinaggagagawa niya. Unlike the other two na hindi lantaran ang ginagawang pangungulit sa akin, Matthew announced his liking for me as soon as the movie came out.
We never even talked before the movie was made. I doubt he even knows me. May small projects naman na ako before, while he’s been a big shot for a while na. But still, naiinis ako kasi ang epal niya sa buhay ko.
At kung umasta siya, para bang dapat pa akong magpasalamat sa kanya, dahil nadadawit ako sa ‘kasikatan’ niya.
The nerve.
“Aw, come on, Stacey. Aren’t we close enough?” Tulad ni John, he’s got that charming smile na kinahuhumalingan ng karamihan.
Not me, though.
“No,” A sweet smile still on my lips. Hindi naman kailangan nakabusangot ako habang nakikipagbardagulan sa epal na ‘to.
Of course dapat maganda pa rin, for the pictures.
He just chuckled saka umupo sa tabi ko, slinging an arm sa backrest ng upuan ko.
The other two na kasama naman namin, smiled awkwardly, before shifting their focus sa mini stage na nasa harap namin.
The program is about to start.
Iginala ko ang paningin sa ibang table.
Nahuli ko ang isang pares ng mga mata na nakatingin sa akin. Nakita ko ang pag-nguso niya once she noticed I’m staring at her.
I smiled apologetically.
I’m sorry baby.
-
@stakusevillejaismywife
okay wag na tayo mag-lokohan dito ,, pero malakas din yung chemistry ng isang ship….. 👀 #CongratsOurStarStacey
Replies:
@jhoceyforever
hOLY SHIT MY AGENDA
@stakusevillejaismywife
GURLL NAKIKITA KO NA MGA SINASABI MO HAHAHAHA
@jhoceyforever
AYAN SIGE NGAYON NIYO SABIHING DELULU AKO HUHUHU
@Lureydabest
Anong kabadingan ‘tong nakikita ko sa tl #CongratsOurStarStacey
@staceyisagod
okay an oomf said may potential na fic material yung enemies to lovers trope sa movie ng baby ko and omygod.. #CongratsOurStarStacey
@jhoceybading
everyone seeing the light.. JHOCEY LANG SAKALAM #CongratsOurStarStacey
“Stacey, tingnan mo ‘to,” Natatawang tawag ni Ate Maloi sa akin.
We’re currently on standby. Nominated kasi ang movie na pinagbidahan ko sa isang award show.
Lumapit naman ako sa kanya, sitting on the couch provided dito sa waiting room allotted for us.
Pinakita niya ang twitter feed niya sa akin.
My heart skipped a beat upon seeing the tweets.
Jhocey is me and Jhoanna.. right?
I never saw this kind of posts kasi as much as possible hindi ko minomonitor ‘yung mga ganito. Mostly critic reviews lang ng verified accounts tinitingnan ko.
“Now.. to think about it, oo nga,” Tumatawa pa ring sabi ni Ate Maloi. “Kahit na ang sasakit nung mga sinasabi sa’yo ni Jhoanna sa movie, parang ang cute niyo tingnan,”
I felt excitement in my chest.
Tumingin ako sa paligid. Kami lang ni Ate Maloi ang nasa waiting room. And we still have ample time to idle around kasi may around 5 performers pa bago ulit magsimula ang awarding.
This is the right time.
“Ate Maloi..”
“Hmm?” Sagot niya without looking at me. Nagsoscroll pa rin siya sa phone niya, laughing every now and then dahil sa mga tweets.
“Jhoanna and I..”
Saka lang siya tumingin sa’kin, her brow raised.
Pumikit ako saka huminga ng malalim.
It’s now or never.
“Jhoanna and I are married.”
Silence.
Binuksan ko ang mata, now seeing Ate Maloi gaping at me.
“HA?”
“J-Jhoanna and I are married..” Ulit ko, lips trembling.
“M-Married.. not dating?”
“What— Of course we dated! Then we got married,”
Ate Maloi just looked at me, her face in total shock.
“Since when..?” Tanong niya matapos ang ilang segundo. She seems calmer now.
“4 years ago,”
“WHAT?” Napapikit ako sa lakas ng boses niya.
“We’ve been married even before I met you,”
“P-Pero ba’t di mo sinabi sa’kin..?” I felt guilty upon seeing her face filled with betrayal.
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. “I got scared.. I’m sorry Ate,”
Para naman siyang natauhan, saka ako kinabig papalapit sa kanya. “No, I’m sorry.. if you felt like you couldn’t tell me..”
“It’s fine.. ang mahalaga alam mo na,” I told her reassuringly.
Pakiramdam ko a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. Finally.
“Alam ba ni Colet?” She asked me after letting me go. Tumango ako.
“Yeah, she’s been there nung nililigawan pa lang ako ni Jhoanna,”
She nodded understandingly. “Kaya pala ang dalas niya sa trailer natin kapag bigla kang nawawala,”
“Akala ko pa naman..” She bit her lip, so I looked at her, amused.
“Akala mo ano?”
“W-Wala,”
I hummed. “Just so you know, siya nagbigay ng idea na ididistract ka niya everytime I go see Jhoanna,”
Tumingin naman siya sa’kin, a shy smile on her face. “Okay,”
Tumawa lang kaming dalawa. After that, she asked me about the other details about Jhoanna and I’s relationship.
And I’m just so happy to tell her how much I love my wife.
We were called soon after kaya naman lumabas na kami ng waiting room. The staff guided me sa designated seat ko sa auditorium, while Ate Maloi stayed behind to monitor everything that includes me.
I roamed my eyes around, for any sign of Jhoanna.
Ate Maloi caught my eye, and she pointed on my right. I looked at what she’s pointing at.
Jhoanna was sitting just a seat away from me. She’s smiling, while mouthing ‘hi gorgeous’ to me.
I giggled.
Suddenly it felt liberating to interact with Jhoanna like this.
Siguro my encounter with Ate Maloi boosted my confidence.
Jhoanna’s fans have been receptive of her sexuality when she came out before, and that’s a time that people aren’t really that open to the idea.
Now, years after, more artists have been coming out, and still, their fans stayed.
I stole a glance in Jhoanna's direction.
She’s worth the risk. Always.
“Welcome! To the Annual TV and Music Awards!” Rinig kong simula ng host sa awarding ceremony.
Puro palakpakan lang naman ang naririnig ko, as well as a few congratulations dropped here and there every time may mga artista sa paligid ko na umaakyat sa stage to receive their award.
Our movie won the best award for movies of all time, and I couldn’t feel more proud when I saw our director come up on the stage.
He may be strict and ruthless when it comes to directing us, his actors, but he’s a good man.
He invited us, the leads, with him on stage. He thanked us, and everyone for supporting the movie.
When he finished his speech, we went down one by one to return to our seats. Matthew lent his hand to me to assist me on going down the stairs. I didn’t take it.
I was about to just hold my dress para makababa ako ng maayos when I felt someone hold my hand, and my dress sa likod.
Nakita ko si Jhoanna na maingat na hinahawakan ang kamay ko as she herself guided me to go downstairs.
She’s wearing a blue suit, so she didn’t have difficulty walking.
I internally smiled. I can feel the endless flashing of cameras sa direction namin, as Jhoanna lightly held my hand and guided us towards our seat.
When we arrived at my seat, binitawan niya ang kamay ko and leaned subtly.
“Sorry, can’t help it,” She whispered.
Napangiti ako. I unabashedly put my hand on her chin, affectionately scratching it.
Nakita ko naman ang pagkagulat sa mata niya, her eyes reflecting the continuous flash of lights from the cameras behind us.
“It’s fine, Baby,” I told her.
Naguguluhan man ay ngumiti siya, lastly caressing my hand with her thumb before leaving to take her seat.
Another set of awards were given, bago ko muling narinig ang pangalan ko.
“And of course, the award that everybody has been looking forward to! ‘Wag na nating patagalin pa, kanina pa nagwawala ang ating audience!” Natatawang asar pa ng host.
I heard the collective laugh from the audience.
“Our best couple award! Alam mo Partner, sobra akong nagulat sa results when our winners came out para sa award na ‘to,”
“Same here, Partner. I think this is the very first time this happened, ano?”
“I think oo! And I’m sure, our audience will love it too once na malaman nila ang ating awardees for tonight’s best couple award,”
“Wag na nating patagalin pa, let us call our star of the night? Ms. Stacey Sevilleja!”
I felt a surge of adrenaline as people around me started clapping. I stood up, bowing to my co-artists as I go up sa stage.
“Looking beautiful tonight Ms. Stacey!”
I hid my laugh under my hand as I bowed sa host. “Aw, thank you, you look good yourself, Sir,”
“Hay na’ku! Charming na charming ang ating new best actress! No wonder andaming nahook sa’yo kahit na first project mo ‘to as lead, tama?”
“Yes Ma’am, I’m so thankful sa mga fans ko na sumusuporta sa’kin ever since I started acting, this award is because of them,”
Tumango naman ang mga host, before directing their stare again sa harap.
“‘Wag na tayong magpatumpik-tumpik pa! Tawagin na natin ang ka-couple mo, Ms. Stacey,”
The hosts smiled at me, before both saying; “Ms. Jhoanna Robles! Please come up on stage!”
A collective gasp was heard inside the auditorium, before a full blast of clapping filled the place.
I covered my gaping mouth as I followed Jhoanna walking towards the stage.
Nang makarating na siya ay muli kong naramdaman ang adrenaline, coursing through my veins.
Jhoanna looked like she was in a trance, shaking the hosts’ hands with a stuck smile on her face.
Nang makarating siya sa harap ko, her face suddenly changed, and redness from her neck creeped towards her face.
Natawa ako so I covered my mouth again.
Napakamot naman siya ng ulo while shyly smiling, looking adorable even though her attire and makeup screams otherwise.
I gave her the award, linking my arms with her as I nudged her in front to start our speech.
Gusto kong tumawa ng malakas upon seeing Matthew’s face. He has this sour face on.
Binulungan ko si Jhoanna, and told her that, dahil hindi pa rin naman tapos ang palakpakan.
Parehas kaming natawa. She unlinked our arms, and instead put an arm around me, securely holding my waist.
When the clapping died down, nagsimula siyang magsalita.
Pinasalamatan niya lang ang production team, as well as other important people involved sa movie. Then her fans, for supporting her all throughout.
Then she looked at me. Her eyes soft, and her hold on me tightening.
“Lastly I would like to thank Stacey, for helping me all throughout. I would never be here if not for her.” She said vaguely, before stepping back and letting me have the mic.
I smiled at my wife before speaking.
“I’ve been doing nothing but thanking everyone tonight. I’d never imagined I’d get love this much upon entering the industry. So once again, thank you to everyone who helped me achieve what I am today, I owe you guys a lot,”
Huminga ako ng malalim, letting my hand search for my wife’s sa likod. Hindi naman ako binigo ng asawa ko, as I felt her hand clamped mine.
“Lastly,” I took a deep breath again.
I’m ready.
“I’d like to thank my wife. Thank you for your love, for your patience. Thank you for waiting for me, Baby. Just like you, I’d never be here if not for you,”
As I said that, lumayo ako sa mic, and instead pulled my wife close as I placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.
“I love you..” I whispered.
Jhoanna gaped at me, her eyes in shock. “I—I love you too..” She replied, amidst her shock.
For the nth time, flashes of camera flooded my vision.
But unlike before, I feel fine. I squeezed Jhoanna’s hand, feeling her warmth.
I have my wife beside me now.