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Lee waded through the deep snow, having left Fielder back with the car when the road became impassable. His radio still worked, and the cabin should be just over a mile ahead, if their intel was correct. Please God let me find her soon. Lee knew what had happened to other hostages of Stanton Miller, and while he tried to push away the thought, it motivated him to keep moving.
The wind was picking up, and the swirling snow had reduced visibility to almost zero in the open areas where the trees were sparse. He focused on staying on the road, which was getting harder to find out here where there were few buildings, cars or driveways to give any hints as to the edges. He could still see the rickety power lines, though. He hoped they would be a sufficient guide to the cabin.
–––
Amanda recoiled from Miller as he teased her with the knife. He had already tied her hands to the metal cot, after removing her shoes and socks so she couldn’t run away in the snow. She was feeling cold in just her T-shirt and noticed goosebumps down her arms. At least her jeans had finally dried after being out in the snow, and her feet were no longer quite as ice cold.
“We’re going to have so much fun!” He leered at her. “Anticipation is half the excitement. Just take a look!” He gestured to the other cot in the room, which had a variety of implements laid out. Amanda refused to look. He had already slowly cut her sweater off with the knife and she didn’t need to think any further about what might be next. Lee won’t be able to get here in this snow, she realized despairingly. Miller had brought her here in a 4WD jeep, and even hours earlier he had gotten stuck. They had walked the last miserable quarter-mile to the cabin, Amanda dressed only in jeans and a sweater. When they first arrived he had left her alone in this room for long stretches of time, and she hoped he would leave again soon so she could figure a way out of this.
Then Amanda heard a faint clunk from the other room, distinct from the creaking cabin and howling of the wind outside. Miller didn’t seem to hear it, and he kept toying with his knife. Amanda stared at the ceiling and tried not to get her hopes up. Oh, please get here in time.
“Look at me!” Miller suddenly yelled. Amanda caught her breath as her eyes involuntarily flickered over to Miller, waving his knife over her. He leaned in close and ran the cool blade along her neck. “Don’t get any ideas,” he threatened.
“Leave her alone, Miller!” Lee yelled as he burst into the room, gun drawn. Miller spun around and threw the knife wildly. That was all the excuse Lee needed to fire; the shot was close range and caught Miller full in the chest. He was flung back and fell in a heap against the far wall while Lee rushed to check on Amanda.
“Are you okay?” He reached out to touch her cheek and looked worriedly into her eyes. Amanda just nodded, watching wide-eyed and silent as Lee got to work untying her. Once he got her free, he pulled her from the room into the main cabin area. He closed the bedroom door, shutting out the sight of Miller and his tools, and gathered Amanda into an embrace.
She leaned into him and felt herself starting to shake violently. She had been convinced there was no escape, and Miller had been terrifying; even though he was no longer a threat, her mind was still in freeze mode and she let Lee take charge.
“I’m here, it’s okay,” Lee murmured softly. “You’re safe now.” He squeezed her tightly, and the contact felt reassuring.
“Come sit with me,” he invited, leading her over to the couch. There was a fire going in the fireplace and a small stack of wood nearby. Lee had shed his hat and jacket when he first got into the cabin, both to shake off the worst of the snow and to move more quietly. Now he removed the rest of his wet gear and pulled his spare socks from his pack.
He wrapped the afghan from the back of the couch around Amanda’s shoulders before kneeling down in front of her and putting the dry socks on her bare feet. Once that was done, he sat down and pulled her close. She leaned her head on his shoulder and they sat quietly like that for several minutes while Amanda’s shaking gradually lessened.
Amanda relaxed a bit into Lee’s embrace and started to regain her ability to speak.
“You came; I didn’t think you would be able to get here.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.
“I’m here,” Lee soothed.
“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
“He didn’t hurt me,” she replied shakily. Oh, but he was terrifying, she thought, and I’m not okay, but she didn’t want to say it out loud.
“Amanda,” Lee started to go into his lecture mode, then stopped himself and pulled back a little so he could see her face. “But you’re not okay, are you?” Her eyes stayed down, and her lack of response was apparently enough of an answer for him. “You let me know what you need.”
“Okay,” she breathed. She leaned into him again and they sat there quietly until Lee noticed the fire dying down.
“I’m going to radio in and then put more logs on the fire, okay?”
“Mmm hmm.”
–––
Amanda stared unseeingly at the fire, as Lee went to radio Fielder in the room where Amanda had been held. Lee had checked in briefly when he found the cabin, so everyone knew he wasn’t lost in the snow, but they would be waiting for an update. Lee wanted to confirm Miller was dead and see what else might be in the room before calling.
Upon entering the room it was clear Miller had not survived, but Lee checked for a pulse anyway. He then took stock of the room, blanching when he saw the implements laid out on the cot. He found shreds of Amanda’s sweater on the floor and suddenly felt lightheaded. He put a hand on the wall to steady himself. No wonder she was terrified. He got out the radio and after a moment to compose himself, he connected with Fielder, putting on his agent voice.
“Scarecrow here; she’s safe. Situation secure for now. Miller is dead.”
“Copy, Scarecrow,” came the scratchy voice over the radio. “We can’t get through; you’ll have to stay there a while.”
“Copy. Hopefully there’s some food here.”
“Keep us posted.” There was a pause and then he continued, “how is she?”
“No injuries, but not good.” Lee shivered.
“Sorry. When the storm is over I’ll see how we can get you out. We can’t stay here now though; we need to find shelter. We probably won’t be in range for long.”
“Copy.” Lee sighed, clicked off the radio and went back to the living room, sparing a glance for the desk in the corner with a small lamp. Probably some evidence there, he mused; he'd have to look later.
Amanda barely seemed to notice him sitting back down on the couch next to her. Lee was wracking his brain for his training on what to do in situations like this; he needed to shake her out of whatever was going on in her head. After seeing what was in that room, he knew whatever was going on, it wasn’t good.
They both would need some food and water by now; that might be a useful distraction. Lee grabbed his water bottle and pocket snacks – Amanda's influence meant he'd stuck a bag of trail mix in his pack before heading out into the snow. He didn’t want to tell her that he almost hadn’t made it; during that last half mile he had lost sight of the power lines in the blizzard, and hadn’t been sure he’d be able to find the cabin in the deepening snow. He’d been so relieved when he spotted Miller’s jeep, and again when he finally saw a glow from one of the windows.
"Amanda, have some water, okay?" He sat down next to her and handed her the water bottle. He put the bag of snacks on their legs. "Your scouting expertise has rubbed off on me; I brought gorp."
Amanda took a few sips of the water and handed the bottle back, but didn't react to his scout comment. Her mind seemed to still be back in that room with the man lying there, monopolizing her thoughts even in death.
Lee took a handful of trail mix but Amanda paid no attention. He was feeling unequal to the task of helping her through this, and he tried to remember that she mostly needed time and his presence. He still felt he had to do something though.
“Amanda, come help me in the kitchen, okay?” Lee stood up and looked at her but she hadn’t responded. “Amanda?” He crouched in front of her and took her hands in his. “Amanda?”
Finally she blinked and looked Lee in the eyes. “Huh?”
“Amanda, will you come help me in the kitchen?”
She looked like she was going to refuse. “Is it safe?” she whispered fearfully.
Lee blinked and breathed in slowly to try to keep his calm demeanor. Miller had frightened Amanda badly in the few hours he had with her. He didn’t want to leave her alone, but realized he’d better scope out the kitchen just in case Miller left anything unpleasant there.
“I’ll go check and be right back, okay?” He squeezed her hands and she gave a slight nod.
Goddammit, he swore to himself as he headed to the kitchen. Amanda had dealt with so many life-threatening situations but he’d never seen her like this. He felt helpless, but turned his focus to the task at hand. He did a quick sweep of the obvious; the table, counters, floor – and didn’t see anything out of place for a kitchen. He checked the fridge and cabinets next, then looked by the back door. He found Amanda’s shoes and socks, soaking wet, and he took them into the living room to put by the fire.
“Amanda, it’s safe, come with me!” He helped her up and hugged her tightly before pulling her into the kitchen.
“Let’s see what we have for food, okay? And maybe make coffee or something. We aren’t going to be able to get out of here until the storm passes.”
Amanda listlessly gazed around the kitchen. She wasn’t really processing his words and looked like she couldn’t figure out why Lee brought them in here.
“Amanda? Amanda, can you hear me?” Lee grabbed her shoulders. She wasn’t responding to him at all and he was worried.
Startled, Amanda jumped a little, but then relaxed slightly as she looked back at him, seeing the concern in his eyes. “You’re safe, Amanda, I’m here,” Lee tried reassuring her. He wrapped her in his arms and started rocking slightly, murmuring soft comforting words and stroking her hair. Please be okay.
Amanda let herself be rocked; that was enough for the dam to burst, and the tears came hot and fast. She started gasping as the sobs took over. She clutched him to her and he stayed with her, swaying and stroking. He kissed her forehead gently, and eventually Amanda’s sobs started to lessen.
Amanda stood weeping in his arms, then as the tears slowed, she moved slightly away from him and wiped her face. Unexpectedly, she brought her lips to his and kissed him hungrily.
Lee initially returned the kiss, giving in briefly to the emotion of it and his attraction to her, but he knew this was a reaction to the terrifying experience Amanda had been through and he gently pulled back. Despite a few near misses, they hadn’t ever kissed properly; not unless they were playing a cover. At least not yet. He couldn’t let this go further now or he'd feel he was taking advantage.
“Amanda,” he protested softly.
“I need to feel something real,” Amanda choked out, before kissing him again.
Lee grasped Amanda's shoulders tenderly to put a little distance between them. “I know how you feel; I’ve been there. It’s a reaction to what happened to you.”
“So it’s okay, isn’t it?” Amanda looked tearfully into his eyes. “You’ve done the same thing.” She leaned her head into his chest, fists clutching his sweater, not able to hold his gaze.
Lee stroked her hair and thought back to after the catacombs, when he had needed just what Amanda needed now – human connection. He knew she was feeling vulnerable and didn’t want her to think he was rejecting her. He tried to explain his thinking.
“Yeah, but I had my black books. I don’t think I’m a good model for handling it well.”
“Well, I have you, don’t I?” Amanda whispered. Her hands were now wandering just under his shirt, lightly stroking his skin at his waist, and she tilted her head up to softly kiss his lips.
Lee felt his heart thumping and made a decision. They were practically in a relationship already, and he needed to be able to support her through this. They could deal with any fallout later.
“Yes,” he agreed in a low voice. “Yes, you have me.”
Amanda kissed him harder this time, all her emotions channeling into this kiss as her lips crashed together with Lee’s, her tongue probing and his responding. They explored this new connection, Amanda driven by need, and Lee trying to reconcile his desire for her with his concern that this somehow wasn’t right.
Lee felt so confused. He wanted her, and she wanted him, and if this had been one of his black book girls he probably wouldn’t be hesitating. But this was Amanda. Once he’d admitted to himself that he had romantic feelings towards her, he’d been trying to figure out how to move the relationship forward but his fears kept holding him back. Fears that she didn’t feel the same, fears that a physical relationship would mess up their friendship and work dynamic, fears that he would push her too fast…
Well, at this moment anyway, she was setting the pace. If kisses would help her come back to the present, then he could do what she wanted. Her desperate need for touch was infectious, and Lee reminded himself that he needed to keep his head enough to be sure they didn’t get ahead of themselves.
Her hands were behind his neck, and then in his hair, and he held her lovingly as he let himself enjoy the feeling of her lips against his. He felt himself melting into her, reveling in the sweetness of her breath and the intimacy of this moment.
“Let’s go sit by the fire,” Lee suggested when Amanda started dropping kisses along his neck, thinking that a change of venue might slow things down.
“Yeah okay,” Amanda agreed breathlessly, letting Lee walk her back to the living room.
–––
They sat down together on the couch, and Amanda immediately reached for Lee to continue exploring. She pushed him back until he was lying down with her on top of him.
“Are you sure this is okay?” he breathed.
“Oh, yes,” she replied.
They had been avoiding their feelings for each other for so long and now, being together like this for the first time, it was pleasantly overwhelming. Lee flashed back to that night at the Cumberland, when he was nervous about making any moves and then Francine had showed up, ending the opportunity. Now Amanda was initiating. She had slipped a hand under his shirt again, and had her palm pressed flat on his stomach. Lee was hyper aware of her hand, and of their thighs pressed together.
Amanda nibbled on his ear. “Lee, I want to feel your hands on my skin,” she murmured, her voice so low it was almost a growl.
Oh god I want her! It wasn't the right time to follow this feeling, though, their relationship wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t ready for that. He hoped simple touch would meet her needs. He ran his hands over her lower back, under her shirt so they had a skin to skin connection. After a moment he could feel her tension lessening.
Amanda sighed. She let her head drop to his shoulder as she traced circles on his stomach. Soon her hand stilled, and then moved up to rest on his sweater. Lee felt her tension release and breathed a silent sigh of relief. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair gently. Thank god. He knew she had a lot to process, but he hoped she'd at least be able to stay present now. They were going to have to really talk and trust each other.
Lee's thoughts went back to the small bedroom where Miller's body still lay; it could have been so much worse. He had to let go of the what-ifs and fears that drove him through the blizzard to find her if he was going to support her though this. He wanted to be worthy of the trust she placed in him. He breathed in the scent of her hair and tried to bring himself back to this moment. Right now he just had to be the person she needed. And she did not need his doubts or fears.
–––
Amanda was nestled in his arms, and never wanted to move. She felt safe and loved and protected. She loved his smell, his warmth, the feel of his hand stroking her hair; it was like being cocooned in their own little world where only the two of them existed. It had been a long time since she’d been so close to a man like this. He felt enticingly warm and solid and real. She wanted to slide her hand down under his waistband, but he seemed freaked out enough already and she didn’t want to push it.
She'd been surprised over the past few months that despite spending so much time together, things between them had progressed very slowly. He was clearly interested in a romantic relationship. But she knew he had some personal issues to work through, and at the moment she was happy just to have this physical connection.
“Thank you,” she said quietly and tenderly kissed his neck. It wasn’t like her to just let her need drive her, but in that moment when her emotions overwhelmed her she had just needed to feel him – to connect to something real and good.
She felt Lee squeeze her in response to her words, and then he kissed her cheek. He was uncharacteristically quiet, and she figured he might need some time to deal with his emotions. Hopefully she hadn’t pushed things too far. They both were exhausted with the stress of the day; she would address any issues later. Soon they drifted off to sleep.
–––
They woke up together and felt a chill in the cabin.
“Oh, shoot, I never put more wood on the fire!” Lee exclaimed. He kissed Amanda and shifted her gently off him so he could get up. He realized she must be cold in her t-shirt and took his sweater off for her to wear. She took it gratefully and pulled it on, hugging it to herself as she inhaled deeply.
It was getting darker inside; the desk lamp in the corner that had been sufficient earlier wasn’t enough anymore. There was still some fading daylight, but between the storm and the small cabin windows the room was now quite dim. Lee turned on the lamp near the couch and then went to attend to the fire. Soon Amanda came over to help. She added some kindling and leaned in to blow the glowing coals back into fire while Lee gathered more wood. He carefully placed the logs and Amanda kept blowing until the new logs started to catch.
They both sat back, staring into the fire and leaning against each other. Lee put one arm around her and reached for Amanda’s hand with his free hand. He began rubbing his thumb over her knuckles as he pulled her close.
“We’re okay, right?” Amanda asked quietly.
“We’re okay,” Lee confirmed, assuming she was referring to their relationship. I’m not sure I’m okay though. I was so scared when I found out Miller had taken her. He started feeling panicky and decided to put his attention on her.
“What about you? Are you feeling better now?” His voice was gentle and warm, concealing his fear.
“Yeah. Sorry for…” she waved her free hand around, “you know.” She stared into the fire.
“Oh, Amanda, you don’t need to be sorry!” He protested softly, now worried again.
“I pushed you into it.” Her cheeks burned remembering how she had attacked him so boldly.
“Amanda, look at me,” Lee looked into her eyes. “Amanda, I’ve wanted to kiss you like that for a while now.” And I will do anything you need me to. He swallowed. “This might have pushed up the timeline but we would have ended up here sooner or later, don’t you think?” He anxiously waited for her response.
Amanda brushed his hair back from his forehead and kissed him softly.
“Yeah.” She put her arms around him, “Thank you for being here for me.”
“Always,” came his barely audible reply.
Amanda inhaled sharply. “Let’s go back to the couch, okay? I think the fire’s doing all right.” She was using her soothing motherly voice and Lee let her guide him. She helped Lee up, and when they sat down on the deep couch she pulled his head onto her shoulder, apparently having realized that now he was the one feeling too overwhelmed to talk much. They sat quietly together, each taking comfort in the other.
We’re okay, Lee thought. But were they really? If their relationship kept moving the way it seemed to be headed, how was he going to handle stuff like this? He was absolutely terrified of losing anyone so close to him, and somehow Amanda kept getting dragged into these situations that put her at risk.
Not somehow. It was his fault; it was only through her association with him that she was in danger so often. Except when it wasn’t, like that thing with Sinclair and Rollo. Or Rita Holden. But still, she’d be much safer without him.
“Lee, are you okay?”
Lee wasn’t sure how he should answer.
“Lee?”
“I was so scared,” Lee said softly. “I was afraid I wouldn’t get here in time, and then when I got here you weren’t okay. I didn’t know what to do.” His heart felt squeezed tight and he hoped it was okay to tell her that. He didn’t want to talk about his initial panic when he realized she wasn't just late to work, then the intense concentration working with Francine and Billy to figure out where she'd been taken, and the nerve-wracking drive to the countryside in the worsening storm. And of course that hike through the deep snow and howling winds. He gave himself a little shake and noticed that Amanda was still looking at him with concern. He gathered his wits and tried to reassure her.
“I’m glad you’re safe, and we’re together. Let me know how I can help, okay?”
“Oh, Lee, I was scared too, but you did fine. Better than fine. I’m going to be okay; we both are. As long as we keep talking to each other, we’ll be okay.” Amanda gently stroked his hair.
“Neither of us is very good at talking about what we need,” Lee pointed out with a self-deprecating smile.
Amanda laughed. “You’re right about that. I promise to work on it if you do.”
“It’s a promise.”
They lapsed back into quiet, snuggled together. They both still needed this physical contact to help calm their nervous systems. Lee had his arm around Amanda again and she leaned into him. He leaned his head against hers and they rested there, not quite asleep but not fully awake.
One of their stomachs growled and they both startled to alertness.
“I guess we should check to see if there’s any food here,” Lee pointed out.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Amanda was reluctant to leave his arms, though, and didn’t move to get up.
“Amanda?”
“Oh, okay,” she grumbled, reluctantly sitting up straighter so he could get up. She seemed reluctant to lose their physical contact, and after standing up, immediately wrapped her left arm around his right.
“Is it okay if I stick close for a while? I’m still, uh,” she stumbled over the incomplete thought and paused to figure it out. “Oh, I don’t know, I just want to be close.” She frowned at her inability to explain.
“Amanda, it’s okay! Thanks for telling me. I do too. We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”
–––
They went to the kitchen arm in arm. It was not as dim in here, but Amanda turned on the overhead light and Lee opened the fridge for them to assess the food situation.
“Not much here!” There was some butter, a container of unidentified leftovers, an orange, and a pitcher of water along with a few beers. “Let’s check the cabinets.”
Amanda opened the first set of cabinets and found dishes. She moved to the second set and breathed a sigh of relief at the shelf of canned food, bread, and oatmeal. A second shelf had coffee, tea, and cocoa.
“Oh good. And we forgot to check the freezer.”
Lee opened the freezer and laughed. “I think we found dinner!” Amanda looked in at the stack of frozen pizzas and laughed too.
"I guess we don't have to eat beans after all." Amanda joked.
“I’ll turn on the oven. Hopefully everything works in here.” She turned the knob and they heard the whoosh of the gas oven lighting. She turned to face Lee and gave in to a sudden impulse to kiss him. He so often had his agent mask on, but right now he was just Lee, here with her.
“You look good in my sweater,” he teased.
“I like wearing it,” she smiled, then frowned as an unwanted thought popped into her head.
“What’s wrong?” Lee felt his panic from earlier bubbling up, and tried to maintain a calm demeanor.
She looked at him and started to speak, but her mouth closed again and she didn’t answer. Her eyes darted around the room as though she could find help there, then she shrank down as she remembered where they were, and why. And who was still in that other room. She swallowed loudly.
“Amanda?” He looked into her eyes. “Please, what’s wrong?” He squeezed her hands encouragingly.
She looked back at him and tried again to say what was wrong, but couldn’t. She shook her head and buried her face into his chest. “Later, okay?” She mumbled.
He hugged her close and could feel her shaking.
“You don’t have to talk about it. I’ve got you, you’re safe with me,” he reassured her. She leaned into his embrace, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She knew he would understand what was happening with her, and she was grateful she didn’t have to explain. She tried to match her breathing to his, and felt the tightness in her chest and throat start to ease. “If I have to be stuck here, I’m glad I’m stuck here with you.” She spoke quietly enough that Lee barely heard her.
“Same goes here,” he replied.
After another couple of minutes, he loosened his hold on her. “Feeling better?” he asked.
She stepped back slightly and nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”
The wind gusted and the cabin protested loudly. Lee and Amanda looked around then at each other; it was quite a storm. “Let’s find a kettle and make cocoa,” Lee suggested.
–––
After their dinner of frozen pizza and hot cocoa, they went back to the living room. The wind outside had gotten even more fierce, and the howling was relentless. The cabin was losing heat fast and Lee headed over to build up the fire again. He was starting to feel the strain of the day wearing on him.
“We should find some blankets; I think it’s going to get cold tonight,” Lee suggested. Then Lee remembered Miller’s tools in the bedroom, and decided Amanda should not do any searching of the cabin.
“Amanda, will you be okay working on the fire while I check around for blankets?”
Amanda nodded, and reached out to him for a quick hug before turning to work on the fire. The wind was gusting and sparks periodically blew out of the fireplace, onto the floor in front of the hearth. Amanda looked around and found a fireplace screen behind the fireplace tools, and put it in place while she went to get more wood from the inside pile.
Lee knew they should have checked outside for the wood situation before it got dark. Hopefully the woodpile was outside was staying dry.
Lee was trying to decide what to do with Miller’s body. He initially thought he should leave it as it fell for the investigators, but he wasn’t sure they would be able to get out tomorrow and he didn’t think he should just leave it that long. But what could he do? He couldn’t just dump him into the snow, even if he could get him out there without making a huge mess. With the door closed it was pretty cold in here; he’d just leave him and hope the body didn’t start to stink. If the wind wasn’t howling so much he’d crack open the window. Maybe tomorrow.
No blankets or anything useful in this room so he moved on.
He found a storage closet, and this had what he was hoping to find. Blankets, flashlights, candles, batteries, a fire bucket and shovel, a couple of heavy coats and sweaters, and a weather band radio. He pulled out the sweaters; one was itchy wool and had big holes, another was a ratty blue cotton shaker sweater that looked like his size, and the remaining options were child sized. He tried on the shaker sweater; it seemed relatively clean and fit him well enough. He grabbed the blankets and radio and went back to the main room.
–––
Amanda had pulled out the hide-a-bed and was assessing its condition. The sheets looked fairly crisp for having been folded up in a couch, so she was just going to assume they were clean. She'd slept on worse. “Looks like this is our accommodations for tonight,” she joked, putting an arm around his waist. “I see you found blankets. I’m not sure that sweater quite suits you though.”
Lee put down the blankets and gave her a hug. “And I found a weather band radio.” He turned it on, hoping the batteries were still good, and tuned in a station for an update on the storm. As soon as he did, the power went out. The fire was roaring, though, and they had just enough light.
They looked at each other. “Want a beer?” Lee asked. “I know you’re not supposed to open the fridge during a power outage but there’s hardly anything in there.”
Amanda wasn’t generally a fan of beer, but one drink with Lee actually sounded like a reasonable plan at the moment. She hoped it would take the edge off and help her relax.
“Sure, why not. We can always pack the fridge with snow if the power’s still out in the morning.” Amanda pointed out.
“I’m guessing it will be; nobody could get up here to repair lines even if they wanted to. There’s probably a generator somewhere but I don’t think we’ll need it tonight.”
Amanda was glad the stove was gas and the heat was the fireplace. She agreed with Lee; they would be fine without power. She joined him as they walked to the kitchen. There was a small emergency light plugged into one of the counter-height outlets that gave them just enough light.
It was nearly full dark out and Lee mentioned needing to grab a couple flashlights. He pulled two beers out of the fridge and handed one to Amanda, then they went to the storage closet for the flashlights. They found two with reasonably strong batteries and took them back to the pullout bed.
They settled themselves on the bed, leaning against the back cushions like a lounge chair, then opened the beers. Listening to the radio, it sounded like the storm covered a pretty large area but was expected to clear out by late morning.
Once they were sitting and had a moment to just be still, Amanda realized that Lee was exhausted. He was usually a bundle of energy and the difference was quite noticeable. He put his arm around Amanda and leaned against her.
“I don’t think I should finish this beer; my head feels funny,” he admitted.
Amanda had forgotten that he was still recovering from his concussion; that hike through the blizzard couldn’t have done him any good. She immediately went into mothering mode.
“Oh, Lee, you should rest!” Amanda set his beer down on the coffee table that had been pushed to the side, and took another swig of hers before setting it down too. She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.
“You stay there; I’m going to get this bed made up.” She shook out the blankets and spread them out over the bed. She quickly tucked in the blankets at the bottom and realized there weren’t any pillows.
“Sweetheart, I’m going to use the bathroom and see if there are any pillows in that closet. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Lee mumbled, eyes closing. She kissed his cheek and grabbed a flashlight before heading off.
By the time she returned Lee had shifted to lie under the covers and was completely asleep. She debated waking him to use the bathroom, but laughed at herself about such a mom thing to think – Lee would get grouchy if he thought she was mothering him that much. She decided to just leave a flashlight handy and let him be. She slid into the bed and snuggled up next to him.
–––
Amanda woke during the night feeling chilled, and realized Lee wasn't next to her anymore. She sat up and saw him at the fireplace, adding wood. She went to join him.
“Hi,” she bumped his shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
Lee looked at her sleepily. “Hi,” he replied. “It was getting cold in here.”
Amanda looked into his eyes, trying to see if it was sleep or remnants of the concussion making him look unfocused. Either way, she could take over for him.
“You look tired; I can do that.”
Lee sank down heavily as Amanda worked on the fire. Soon she had it roaring again and she turned to Lee.
“Come on, let’s get back to bed,” she encouraged. Lee looked up at her and she tugged his arm. “You need more sleep.”
Finally Lee got up off the floor and they went together back to the bed. Amanda got in first and pulled Lee after her. She pulled him close so his head was resting on her shoulder, and then wrapped her arms around him. He seemed to fall right back asleep, and Amanda listened to his breathing for a while. Her thoughts were swirling about the day’s events; it was hard to believe she’d had a normal morning sending the boys off to school before heading in to the Agency. It had all gone so wrong when Miller grabbed her, but he ended up dead. Now Lee, who had once again come to her rescue, was sleeping in her arms and possibly having a relapse from his concussion. And she had forced the next step their relationship. At least she hoped it was the next step, and this time in the cabin didn’t end up like some summer camp fling that they didn’t talk about once they returned to regular life. Goodness knows they’d done enough of that.
Amanda sighed and pressed her lips to his hair. She focused on listening to his breathing again, and eventually drifted off to sleep.
–––
She woke with her neck feeling stiff from sleeping without a pillow, and she rolled her head back and forth. Then she noticed a weight across her body, and opened her eyes to find Lee’s hazel eyes watching her, his hand resting on her stomach. Her heart did a little flip to wake up with him so close.
“Hi,” he greeted her.
She smiled shyly. “Hi, yourself.” She decided to follow her instincts and put her hand on his waist as she turned on her side to face him.
He leaned towards her and gave her a brief kiss on the lips.
“How are you feeling? I was worried about you last night,” she commented.
“I guess I overdid it, hiking for miles through a blizzard,” he admitted with a smile. He kissed her again. “Worth it, though. Don't worry, I’m feeling better now.”
“I’m glad. You should take it easy today, or I’ll get Billy to give me another temporary promotion.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She suddenly hugged him, tucking her head into his chest. “You promised to tell me what you need, so you’ll tell me if you start feeling bad again, right?”
“I’ll tell you, I promise.”
“Thank you,” she said, and gave him a sweet little lingering kiss that increased both their heart rates.
“This is really nice,” Amanda said as she pulled away regretfully, “and I'd like to continue, but unfortunately I need to get up.” She rolled away from him and got up from the bed, but then turned back to look at him appraisingly.
“Take it easy standing up, okay?”
“Will do.”
Amanda leaned down and brushed his hair back from his forehead. She looked into his eyes; they looked less vague and she hoped the sleep had helped. She picked up last night’s beer cans and took them to the kitchen to dump out before heading into the bathroom. After washing up and taking care of business, she called out “your turn!” to Lee and returned to the kitchen. She wasn't exactly sure how things would develop between them and thought – especially since Lee wasn't exactly a morning person – she'd give him a little space. Plus she had a hard time fighting the urge to take care of breakfast. The power was still out, but she found some long fireplace matches to light the gas burner, then put on the kettle for coffee and started a pot of oatmeal.
She heard Lee coming up behind her and then she was enveloped in his arms. She leaned back into him, enjoying the embrace. He nuzzled her neck.
“What’s for breakfast?” he whispered into her ear. Amanda felt herself melting and turned around to kiss him properly, linking her hands behind his neck. Lee deepened the kiss and they became lost in each other until the kettle suddenly whistled and Amanda jumped.
They both laughed and Amanda finally answered him. “You don't eat breakfast!" she teased. "But I’m making coffee and oatmeal. You should probably have a little. The power’s still out but I found a French press in the cabinet.” She gave him a little push towards the coffee.
Lee grabbed the French press and started measuring out the coffee, while Amanda tended to the oatmeal. She surreptitiously studied him; he’d said he was feeling better but he still didn’t seem to be his usual self. She hoped he’d take it easy but knew that was a tall order.
“Too bad there’s no milk,” Amanda lamented. “I wonder if there’s any brown sugar for the oatmeal.”
As soon as he’d poured the water in the French press he was back at her side, wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her hair. Amanda was surprised at the attention she was getting from Lee this morning; not that she minded it. Of course there was no chance that someone would interrupt them here – once they got back to their usual lives, they’d have to keep things more professional.
–––
After finishing breakfast and cleaning up the kitchen, Lee tried the manpack radio to check in with the team, but got no response. They were probably still out of range. Amanda was busy making up the couch and folding blankets. She wondered whether they would have to stay another night. Mother would be wondering why she hadn’t called, but Amanda realized she could tell the truth – they were caught in the storm with no phone. Surely someone at the Agency had contacted her already. Suddenly the reason they were here flooded into Amanda’s head, and she plopped down on the couch with a groan. Lee glanced over and immediately went to sit with her, wrapping his arms around her.
He didn’t have to ask what was wrong. They sat there together silently for a while, and finally Lee asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not yet, okay? Not here. Once we’re back at the office. It’s just too close.” Amanda was shaking a little and pressed herself into Lee’s chest.
“Okay,” Lee agreed in his low, soothing voice. “Later.” He closed his eyes and stroked her hair.
After several quiet minutes Amanda realized that Lee had fallen asleep. She was really worried; it was not even two weeks after his concussion, and the stress of her abduction and then hiking through that blizzard was the opposite of taking it easy. She remembered what he had been like those five days she spent making sure he rested, and he was acting the same way since last night. Nothing too obvious, but she knew him well enough to notice.
Well, there was nothing they needed to be doing anyway until the roads were cleared. She wanted to turn on the weather radio but didn’t want to disturb Lee. It could wait.
What couldn’t wait was finding more wood for the fire. Amanda carefully slipped away from Lee, shifting him to a more comfortable position and covering him with a blanket. She went to the coat rack and bench in the entryway and put on Lee’s snow pants, boots, jacket and hat. It was still snowing out, but the wind was much less fierce than yesterday.
She realized that Lee would panic if he woke up while she was out, so decided she’d leave a note. She also put the one remaining log in front of the fireplace as a clue, since she wasn’t sure he’d notice the note.
“Lee, I’m going to look for more wood,” she whispered to him. “You stay here and rest.”
“Mmm,” he murmured. He probably wouldn’t remember, but she felt better for trying.
She went out to the front porch. She had been rather preoccupied when Miller brought her here yesterday, but hadn’t noticed it near the back door. Fortunately when going out the front, the wood was immediately obvious; stacked at the far end of the covered porch. It wasn’t a lot, and she knew there must be a bigger pile someplace else, but it would last a couple days – hopefully more than enough.
She transferred a day’s worth to right by the front door, and then brought enough inside for the next few hours. She was glad to see Lee still sleeping when she came back into the living room.
After building up the fire, she took the weather band radio to the kitchen to listen for any updates and make some tea. Lee really shouldn’t have more coffee with his concussion symptoms.
“Amanda?” Lee called.
“I’m right here!” Amanda rushed back to his side with the tea. “I made you some tea.”
“No coffee?”
“Not with your head bothering you. You were supposed to tell me!”
Lee looked sheepish. “I was going to tell you once you were feeling okay, but I fell asleep.” He leaned his head back. “Sorry,” he finished quietly.
Amanda kissed his forehead. “I understand. You just stay here and rest. Should I pull the bed out? You should at least lie all the way down.”
Lee shifted so he was lying down on the couch. Amanda was glad he was being so agreeable, but it was also concerning. He must really be hurting to willingly lie down.
Amanda sat down on the coffee table. There wasn’t much room for her on the couch with Lee, so she couldn’t maintain the physical contact she wanted. She wasn’t tired anyway, and once Lee seemed to be asleep she looked around the room for inspiration.
There was a dusty bookcase in the corner, and she went to investigate. It was mostly full of well-worn romance novels, with a few military histories and some novelty joke books. She picked up a romance and blew the dust off. She wondered whose cabin this was; it seemed unlikely that Miller owned it, although maybe it belonged to a family member. Lee probably knew; after all he had tracked her here.
Tears came to her eyes; Lee must’ve been so upset to find her missing, and then hiking through that blizzard with a concussion! She hoped he’d be okay with some rest. Good thing they didn’t have to hike out of here. At least she hoped not.
Miller’s jeep! It wasn’t too far; once the storm was over she could easily find it and bring it back here. Well, maybe not easily; the roads would be in bad shape. She wondered whether the County would plow out here. Amanda looked out the window; it was barely snowing anymore and the sky was lighter. No point in worrying about it; the team knew they were here and would get them out when they could. Amanda picked up the romance novel and sat in the uncomfortable-looking rustic armchair and tried to read.
After re-reading the first page several times, she realized she wasn't going to be able to concentrate on a book right now. She set the novel down in disgust. She got up and went to clean up the already clean kitchen, and while she was in there, tried reaching anyone on the radio. Still nothing. She needed to keep busy, and decided to find the keys to the jeep. She started in the kitchen; they had come in the back door so she looked in the mud room area, checking coat pockets and shaking shoes. Nothing. She checked the utility closet and hunted around for any personal items in the kitchen. Again nothing.
She went back into the main room, and checked on Lee. He was sleeping soundly, his breath deep and even. She gazed at him for a moment, letting her feelings for him flood her senses. She rested her hand on his chest over the blanket, feeling the rise and fall. I'm going to take care of you, just like you take care of me.
She realized she didn't want to get too emotional while Lee was sleeping, and got up to resume her search. She checked the coat hooks and bench in the entry with no luck. She deliberately hadn't paid much mind to the large desk in the corner of the room, and now focused her attention there. She took a deep breath to steady herself; this is where all Miller's stuff was. She shuffled through the items there; mostly papers and notes, but she didn't want to know about anything Miller was involved with. She went through the desk drawers, recoiling at some of the tools there but forcing her mind to ignore everything but keys.
Finding nothing, Amanda realized there was only one more place to check. She went to the door of the bedroom and hesitated. Maybe she should wait and let Lee do this; he was better trained to handle this kind of thing. She glanced back at Lee's sleeping form and strengthened her resolve. She could deal with a dead body; after all, compartmentalizing was one of her strengths. Her lips curled into a small smile at that thought – something that she hoped she and Lee could work on together, but right at the moment it could be an advantage. She took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
Seeing Miller's body just where it landed after Lee shot him was still a shock, but she didn't feel any panic reaction this time. The room was cold, and she was grateful for that. She brought the image of keys to her mind, and focused on her goal. She approached Miller and gingerly patted down his pants pockets. Here they were, in his front left pocket. She could just manage to get her hand in the pocket without moving him, and with a little effort she had acquired her prize.
She rapidly left the room and leaned against the door after closing it behind her. She paused there a moment, breathing heavily. She then went to put the keys on the kitchen counter and washed her hands, inhaling deeply as though she could rinse out her lungs as well. She put the kettle on for cocoa and after preparing the mug, began wiping down the counters again just to have something to do with her hands while she waited.
Amanda took her mug of cocoa back to the living room and sat on the coffee table to be close to Lee. She focused on the smell of the cocoa and the sight of Lee sleeping as she tried to let the image of Miller's body fade from her mind.
She finished her cocoa and sat there wondering what to do next when Lee started to stir. He grimaced and put a hand up to his forehead before he was fully awake. Amanda wished she had her purse and could give him a painkiller. Maybe there was something in the bathroom – she hadn’t checked in there yet.
Suddenly she realized that Lee was blinking up at her.
“Hi there, how are you feeling?” she asked, stroking his cheek gently.
–––
Lee looked around, trying to get his bearings. Once he remembered where they were, he closed his eyes again. He really overdid it yesterday; his head felt off.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect to fall asleep again.”
“You should sleep as long as you need to,” Amanda admonished. “All we’re doing is waiting for the roads to be clear anyway.”
“Okay,” he conceded, as he tried to wake up enough to look back at her.
Amanda pushed the coffee table back a little and sat down on the floor in front of Lee, then took his hand and leaned her forehead against his.
Lee squeezed her hand slightly. "I’ll be fine; I just need to take it easy and maybe be mothered a little," he offered with a gentle grin.
Amanda laughed softly. “You know I can do that.”
“Sorry I’m not good company.”
“Oh please, don’t even think about that. Just rest. I found a bunch of romance novels; I’m fine.” Amanda got up. “I’m going to get you some water, okay? I’ll be right back.”
“Mmm hmm.”
Amanda went to the kitchen and got a glass of water, and Lee heard her check the manpack radio. This time someone answered.
“Hello, Amanda, is that you?” Francine’s voice sounded tinny to Lee’s ear, coming through the radio from the other room.
“Francine! I thought you were still on light duty after being shot!”
“Amanda, I’m fine, we’re just trying to pick you two up! How are you doing?”
“I’m okay but Lee is having concussion symptoms. He’s been sleeping most of the morning.” Lee felt a wave of guilt run through him at hearing the concern in Amanda’s voice. He had been trying to comfort her, and she ended up having to take care of him instead. He scowled at the thought.
“Okay, we’re arranging for a snowplow and should have the roads cleared in a few hours. He’ll be okay. Just sit tight.”
“We will, Francine. Thank you.”
Amanda ended the communication and soon was bringing a glass of water back to Lee. He quickly cleared his face of his self-recriminations and struggled a little to sit up and take a sip.
“Francine came to get us?” he asked.
“You heard? Yeah, I guess she figured giving us a ride would be an easy assignment for someone recovering from an injury. But it will be a few hours still until they can get a plow out here.”
“Mmm.” Lee reached for Amanda and pulled her to him. “We didn’t get a chance to talk more,” he began, “but I’m not really thinking well right now. Will you lie down with me instead?”
Amanda looked at Lee doubtfully. “There’s no room; I’ll hurt you.”
“No you won’t. I promise.” Lee flipped the blanket over the back of the couch and scooted over to make room, and Amanda cautiously settled down halfway on top of him. Minding the front edge of the couch so she didn’t fall, she put her weight on one hip, draped an arm across his stomach and rested her head on his shoulder. Lee wrapped his arms around her and relaxed. “Are you comfortable?” He asked.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “It’s nice to be with you.”
“Yeah.” Lee stroked her hair and closed his eyes again. Ever since he’d woken up that morning Lee had found himself drawn to Amanda like a magnet; he wanted to be constantly touching her, or even better, kissing her. It was like a switch had flipped; all his concerns from yesterday about moving too fast were gone. He hoped it wasn’t just a stress reaction or his concussion affecting his thinking. But really, this felt a lot better than all those times he told Amanda there was nothing between them. He let out a sigh and relaxed back into sleep.
–––
Amanda heard footsteps coming into the room just before the voice. The door opening must’ve woken her.
“Well, isn’t this cozy?”
Amanda sighed and got up off the couch as gracefully as she could manage. Surely it hadn't been a few hours already; she checked her watch and sighed. They must have really been exhausted to sleep that long in the daytime.
Francine, Duffy, and two others she didn’t know came into the room carrying large cases. Fortunately Francine was blocking the others from seeing into the room, or at least Amanda hoped so. She really didn’t want to deal with gossipy agents.
“Miller’s in the bedroom, Francine. Agent Duffy,” Amanda nodded at them and gestured at the closed door. All four went to check out the bedroom and Amanda turned to Lee, who had started to sit up and was blinking himself awake. She sat down with him.
“Are you feeling any better?” she asked, concern coloring her voice. “Look at me,” she instructed, going fully into mothering mode, holding his chin and looking into his eyes.
Lee complied while protesting. “Amanda, I’m going to be fine! It’s just a headache.”
Amanda frowned. “It’s not just a headache and you know it. Humor me, okay?” She squeezed his hand.
Francine came back into the main room and walked over to them, eyes wide after seeing the items in the bedroom and clearly realizing why Lee had rushed to find Amanda so fast. Amanda caught the slight warning shake of Lee’s head and Francine immediately schooled her expression. Amanda pressed her lips together and inhaled a slow breath through her nose to try to calm the bubbling anxiety.
“The forensics team will stay here to secure the place until cleanup finishes up. But we don’t need to stick around; are you ready to go?” Francine asked in her usual take-charge manner.
“Francine, I’m starving. Do we have time to make some frozen pizzas?” Amanda asked, stalling. She wanted some private time with Lee before they got in a car with Francine. “I guess we slept through lunchtime.”
Francine looked at Duffy, who shrugged. “Why not. I’ll help," offered Francine.
“I’ll join the forensics team,” said Duffy, heading back into the bedroom.
Amanda looked at Francine and the two went to the kitchen. Once there, Amanda lit the oven with a long kitchen match and Francine said in a low voice, “I guess I was wrong again about your white knight.”
Amanda bit her lip, too concerned to rise to the bait. “I’m really worried. He hasn’t been himself since last night.”
Amanda knew things must sound bad when Francine restrained herself from making a snarky comment. Lee came into the room and headed straight for Amanda, putting an arm around her waist. Amanda ignored the look on Francine’s face and leaned back into him slightly, appreciating the contact. Francine was making her jumpy, plus the presence of the forensics team was wreaking havoc with her compartmentalization strategy.
“It’ll take a few minutes for the oven to be ready; does anyone want coffee?” Amanda asked, not meeting anyone’s eyes and already moving to fill the kettle. “I didn’t even check; is the power still out?”
Lee flipped the light switch. Nothing.
“I’m sure Martinez and Robinson will appreciate some coffee,” Francine said.
“Oh, is that the forensics team in there?” Amanda asked.
“Yeah.”
Amanda got out the coffee and the French press so it'd be ready when the kettle boiled. “Can you unwrap the pizzas, Francine? I think four will probably fit on two racks. Just put them straight on the rack. I’m going to go freshen up.” She touched Lee’s arm on her way out of the room, and looked into his eyes. She hoped he’d understand her unspoken request.
“Amanda, do you mind if I come with you? We can see if there’s any aspirin," Lee suggested.
Amanda exhaled quietly in relief, and nodded.
"Yeah, come on," she replied as she tugged his arm.
Lee nodded to Francine and went into the bathroom with Amanda. He closed the door and pulled her into his arms.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe, I’m here,” he reassured her softly, rubbing her back.
Amanda leaned into him, breathing in his scent. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she complained.
“You haven’t processed all this yet. Don’t worry; we’ll get you set up with Pfaff or someone to talk through everything.”
Amanda took a long breath and stepped back from Lee. “Okay. I’m okay. I guess we should check for aspirin.” She started looking through the bathroom cabinet, and pulled out an ancient looking bottle.
“Probably best not to take that,” she suggested. “Thanks for being here for me. You’d better get back out there though.”
“We've got time; don't worry about Francine. I'm here for whatever you need, okay?” Lee kissed her gently and then leaned back to look into her eyes. Amanda saw a question there and decided to voice her own, hoping she and Lee were on the same page.
"So, we didn't ever talk about us," Amanda said softly, holding his gaze but feeling her lip quiver just a bit.
"Yeah," Lee replied, seeing the quiver and pulling her into a hug. "We need to do that, but we're not going to have any privacy for a while."
"I guess we probably shouldn't kiss in front of Francine and Duffy," Amanda mumbled into his neck.
"Oh, I don't know; Francine would probably be okay with it. I'd rather not give Duffy anything to gossip about, though," Lee agreed.
"Yeah," Amanda replied, thoughts whirling. "But kissing without an audience; can we plan on more of that?" she asked nervously.
"Let's definitely plan on more of that," Lee replied, kissing her briefly. "Are you feeling better? It's probably not the time for romance," he smiled softly.
Amanda nodded; she had such a swirl of emotions right now and felt quite mixed up. Lee kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand encouragingly.
“You take your time in here. I’m going to head back out, but if you need anything, just tell me, okay? Even if Francine and Duffy are there; they’ll understand, trust me.” He waited until he got another affirming nod, then went to help Francine in the kitchen.
–––
“How is she doing?” Francine asked when Lee returned, having put the four pizzas into the oven.
“She’s a bit up and down. Did you see what Miller was going to do? Fortunately he only got as far as cutting off her sweater, but he had a knife at her throat and was threatening her when I arrived.” Lee shook his head as though he could shake off the memory. His voice dropped lower. “She was practically catatonic after I got her out of there.” He looked down, picking at a spot on the countertop. Francine put a comforting hand on his arm.
“She’ll be fine. You know she always bounces back.”
“Yeah,” his voice sounded uncertain.
The kettle whistled and Lee poured water for the coffee.
“The two of you have a great partnership, and I know you’re going to be able to help her with whatever support you need,” Francine continued, and Lee thought he caught a wistful note in her voice before she switched subjects. “What about you? Be honest. Amanda’s really worried.”
“I’m definitely not 100% right now. A bit headachy and some fuzzy brain. But I just need rest. I’ll be okay.”
“You should take better care of yourself,” she admonished.
“Yeah. No more hiking through blizzards while concussed, I promise.” Lee threw a wry grin her way.
Amanda came back into the kitchen and went straight to Lee’s side. “Did anyone set a timer for the pizzas?”
Francine and Lee looked at each other. Amanda hmphed and opened the oven to check.
“They’re done. Can you set the cutting board out?” Amanda asked, grabbing the potholder and pulling the first two pizzas out. She cut them into slices and put them on plates, then pulled the remaining pizzas out and left them on the cutting board.
“Help yourself,” she gestured, grabbing a slice.
–––
“Duffy, are we going back the same way we came?” Francine asked.
Duffy examined the map. “The roads might be better if we go the other way. Up to you.”
Lee and Amanda were leaned together holding hands, barely paying attention to anything around them, but then Amanda glanced up and caught Francine's eyes in the mirror. Uh oh, she might have to do some damage control after all. Perhaps another box of chocolates was in order to keep Francine from gossiping back at the Agency.
Amanda let her eyes drop to her hands intertwined with Lee's, and considered whether she should put some distance between them for propriety's sake. But honestly she didn't want to. No sense in trying to hide anything, really, after what Francine saw in the cabin. She let out a small sigh and leaned more heavily onto Lee's shoulder.
"Don't worry, Amanda," Lee reassured her in a low voice that wouldn't carry to the front seat.
"We're going to be just fine."
–––