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Zelkov was sleeping so little at night that he did the impossible, and slept at the breakfast table. He said good morning, faking that he was okay for about two seconds before conking out onto the table. Kagetsu gave him a kiss on the back of his head.
“Sleep well, my friend.” Then to Ivy, he explained. “He was up for the past three nights making the posters.”
“Posters?” Zelkov staying up on a creative pursuit wasn’t peculiar at all, so Ivy’s interest was passive. Simple conversation before the day crescendoed to its usual business. But when Kagetsu showed her an example, she spat out her tea.
It was a picture of her in her coronation garb, elegant and regal. The picture was flattering, but the words atop the image…
It takes a loser to be a winner! Vote yes for Queen Ivy!
“It takes a… hmph.” Ivy crossed her arms. “That’s not a very appropriate thing to say to your queen, Kagetsu.”
“No, but it rolls off the tongue quite nicely. I worked very hard on the slogans. Zelkov of course did the images, while I am the advertising team.”
“Kagetsu, what is all this? Why the posters?” She looked at another one.
The Cringe Queen of Your Cringe Dreams! Vote yes for Queen Ivy!
“The census!” Kagetsu said happily. “The census is coming, to see how your approval ratings among the citizens lie. We are confident they will be high, what with how wonderful your rebuilding projects have been, but we wished to do what we could to help. Zelkov’s glorious posters have already been distributed to several cities.”
Ivy had mostly forgotten about the upcoming census, she had been so busy. She had wanted her actions to speak for themselves, but evidently Kagetsu and Zelkov had a different approach. “So people have already seen these?”
“They either have or will today! We only have these few copies left for prosperity.”
“I… I see.” Ivy rubbed her temples. “Kagetsu, I do not know if calling me a loser will bode confidence in the populace.”
“Just you see, Queen Ivy. The people love this so-called “girl failure” angle.” He put quotations around girl failure, but he was suspiciously serious about it.
So her retainers thought she was a girl failure, did they? She would show them. She had the utmost confidence her citizens would be disgusted by these posters, making a farce of such an important political affair. So she quietly endured the knowledge everyone was seeing unfortunate posters of her, trusting they would just be forgotten.
*
Ivy looked at the document, her retainers craning their necks over her. The official census. All three gasped when they saw the results.
“99 percent!” Kagetsu cheered.
“The most in Elusian history.” Zelkov said. “Truly as high as one can feasibly attain. Well done, Cringe Queen .”
“What Queen?” Ivy asked.
“Ah, news has not reached you of your new nickname ?” Zelkov teased. “Our posters were too effective. Can you not hear the chants?”
A crowd had gathered a while ago to wait for Ivy’s census address. Ivy could hear their rumblings, but only now she paid attention to them.
“Cringe Queen! Cringe Queen! Cringe Queen!” The people roared.
“No.” Ivy whispered.
“Yes!” Kagetsu said. “Congratulations, Ivy!” He gave her a big hug, lifting her off the ground. “All of Elusia loves how embarrassing you are!”
Ivy gave her address to the crowd shouting “Cringe Queen”, a speech that would endure for centuries, holding back tears.