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Each one of them tried to keep on with their lives one way or another, Shauna got married, Natalie and Travis went to another city to do god knows what, Lottie was sent to Switzerland, and Misty became a nurse. But Tai and Van were inseparable.
Taissa always knew what she wanted to do, where and what she wanted to study but Van didn't. Even before the plane crash they used to have these passive aggressive conversations about Van not knowing what to do with her life after highschool. When they came back from the wilderness Taissa decided that she wasn't going to let that incident define her life, she was gonna keep going with the plan that she already had. But the idea of leaving Van behind hurted a lot more than the memories of the wilderness. Back in Wiskayok, Van was as much or more confused than before, like Tai she didn't want to build a life around the plane crash but she didn't have a plan either.
After too much talking Tai convinced her to go to apply to college in D.C, so they could be close since Tai was going to Howard there, and study something related to film and cinematography. They went to D.C together but deep down Taissa was not living the university life she wanted. At Shauna's wedding both decided to break up, they enjoyed that night like it was they’re last happy moment together and even though they tried to stay away from each other, they couldn't, it was like their bodies and minds would not allow them to be apart from each other. So they stayed friends, best friends, one of those homoerotic friendships that everyone thinks they're dating but they're not, they swear. They sure saw other people, but it was like they've never broken up, it was always Tai and Van, Van and Tai. They didn't kiss but they hugged, slept in the same bed and hung out just to cuddle. They did until a few months ago.
Van met some girl, Tai didn't mind at first but panicked when Van started canceling their usual plans to be with her new ‘girlfriend’. They call each other girlfriend now, Tai can not believe it, it's the first girlfriend any of them had since they broke up two years ago and Tai is hurting, like, a lot. She kind of always thought that they were still together but not at the same time, but apparently Van didn't feel the same way.
When they started hooking up and seeing other people they didn't talk about it in detail, they mentioned some things but nothing deep, but it seemed like now Van was really into this girl, so into her that she started talking to Taissa about it. Tai was about to burst with jealousy, thinking about Van going to the movies with someone else, that was their plan, it was her the one who should be listening all of Van thoughts as soon as they get out of the movie theater, it was her the one that should be having movie nights on Van’s messy college room and it was her the one that should be walking around campus with Van Palmer holding her hand, they never got to do that.
This new ‘girlfriend’ made her realize they were really over, she experienced what people would call the five stages of grief for their break up way too late.
Denial (Tai is so sure they’re not gonna last, she’s just a hookup, Van’s hookups only last 3 weeks, maybe a month tops. She’s so sure, she’s never wrong about this kind of thing.)
Anger (Really? Van is really going to cancel movie night again? It’s been two weeks since they saw each other, she really doesn’t care at all?.)
Bargaining (It finally hits her, Van was over her, she didn’t love her like that anymore. She hadn't loved her like that in a long time and Tai was just lying to herself, thinking Van would be hers forever, but she wasn't, not anymore.)
Depression (She's so sad she even got a mediocre grade on her last paper, she can’t function, all Taissa can think about is Van Palmer, not longer hers, Van Palmer who doesn’t want to spend that much time with her anymore, Van Palmer who now has someone else to talk about her day and the new Sandy movie.)
Acceptance (She’s fine now, Van has been dating someone else for 3 months and she’s finally okay with it, she will take the little time Van wants to share with her, no more crying, no more rotting in bed, she’s fine now, she swears.)
Tai was so fine with it that now she didn’t mind listening to Van talk about her girlfriend, even when she wanted to talk about her in the little time they got to see each other Tai would take whatever Van crumbs she could get. Tonight was one of those nights.
She wasn’t expecting to find Van crying when she opened the door. Cheeks red, eyes puffy and trying not to look at her.
“What the fuck, Van? Are you okay? What the fuck happened?” Van didn't even say hello, didn't even look at her. She rushed inside the room and threw herself at Taissa’s bed. Copper hair spreaded on the pillow that used to smell like her. It had been a long time since she saw Van like this. She can't remember the last time she had to hold her to sleep until she stopped crying. She knew how to handle her girl when she was like this, even when she was dying to know what the hell was happening Van didn't need to be questioned, she needed someone to hold her, feel a little better until she was calm enough to talk.
So she did exactly that, shut up and laid down in her twin size bed, holding Van and caressing her hair and back. The moment Van felt her touch she curled up closer to her, snuggling into Taissa's chest, just like they used to do at night when they had sleepovers in highschool, just like they did in the cabin so they didn't freeze at night and just like they used to do a few month ago before Van started spending less and less time with her.
Tai waited until Van was ready to talk, and when she did she felt like a man wanting to punch a wall. “She cheated on me, Tai” Van sounded so sad like she might start crying again, the look on her face made Tai feel a bunch of emotions at the same time, sadness because the love of her life was crying in front of her, anger at the stupid girl who dared to cheat on her and the worst of all, a little relief, she know she was an awful person to feel relieved in a moment like that but she couldn't help it. Van was back in her dorm room, even if she was crying for someone else she came to her, Van came to Tai's room looking for comfort from her. After all this time she was back even if it was just because she was sad, Van wanted her in this moment and that was enough for Taissa.
Tai tried her best to control her tone “I'm going to fucking kill her”. Van giggled a little, Tiai was glad to hear that sound that she had missed so much these days, she kept caressing her hair.
“I mean it was kind of my fault though, so it's whatever” Tai felt the anger come back, took the other girl's face in her hands to look her directly in the eye.
“Vanessa Anne Palmer, how the fuck would that be you fault?” She couldn't believe that Van could let someone step on her like that, let someone disrespect her like she means nothing. Even if she kind of wanted them to break up eventually, no one deserves that, especially Van. Van Palmer is the last person someone should ever cheat. Why would you cheat the person that cares so much for you? Someone who's always there with her silly jokes to make you laugh? Why would you hurt the girl that's been through so much and still manages to wake up every morning and go on with her life and wants you in her life too? Why would you ruin a relationship with this beautiful and kind person who has so much to give even if she doesn’t receive enough?.
“What hell Tai, don’t fucking call me that” she kicked her hand out of her face “We were not spending that much time together, I had a bunch of projects and exams…” she looked somewhere else because she knew, deep down she knew it wasn't her fault “and she needed to get her needs met or whatever, I don't know.”
“You know that's not an excuse.” Tai replied after a deep breath.
“Yeah, I know...” She took a deep breath too, and held Taissa’s hand to play with her fingers. “I just felt like I wasn't enough, you know? She could have told me she needed to fuck or whatever, maybe she didn't like me like that, maybe I'm bad at sex.” The thought of Van being intimate with someone else made hear heart ache, she had tried to avoid that image as hard as possible.
“Okay Van, that's going to the top of the stupidest things you've ever said.” Van laughed, for real this time and Tai felt a little better to see her cheeks red, blushed from the compliment and not from crying. “I'm telling you Van, honestly, you're the best I've ever had. And I have a lot of experience, you know?” She joked and Van knew that, they used to mention their hookups and she didn't mind.
“Yeah, you experienced little shit. Glad to know im the best fuck you ever had.” Van is laughing but Tai is not, not anymore, she didn't meant it like that.
“Van” she took her hands in hers now “you're not the best fuck I ever had, you're the best experience I've ever had with anyone, not only in bed. There is something about you, any the way you were when we were intimate with me is better than anyone else. You're not just amazing at sex, you're a great partner, excellent actually, and if she couldn't see that, If she couldn't value you the way you deserve it, it's her problem, not yours. You deserve to be with someone who sees you, someone who sees the Van that loves so much that sometimes forgets about herself. You need someone to remind you in those moments that you're important too, that you don't deserve to be treated this way. Not by her or anyone else. Ever.”
Tears were forming on Van's eyes again, but this wasn't her sad face, it was a face Tai couldn't put a name on, the red haired girl hugged her like she might disappear right there. “Did I really made you feel like that?” She asked with a shaky voice.
“You do, you make me feel like that and more everytime we're together” her hand went back on Van's back, holding her firmly, enjoying having her body pressed to her again.
They spent the night together, holding each other, rubbing their backs, playing with their hands, their hair and leaving forehead kisses. Tai thought that this was good, having Van back in her arms, snuggled into her chest and feeling her calm breathing as she slept was good and enough, even if they never got back together, having Van in her life was more than enough, it had to be. She loved her so much that her presence in was more important than having her as a partner, seeing her happy and being able to be there for her in times like these was what she wanted the most. She needed Van Palmer in her life, and she was willing to hear Van talk about any other girl, and see them together and anything that made her sad and jealous if it meant having her girl close. After all she was still her girl, she will always be, even if they are only friends.