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It was a quiet ride back home from the hospital. Akito sat in silence, gazing out the window as Ena drove with teary eyes glued to the road. The two siblings were just informed that Akito had about two to four weeks left to live. Akito had the choice to get surgery to cure his disease, but just like every other time he was asked, he refused. His reasoning was always the same.
“Akito,” Ena broke the silence. Akito hummed in response and kept staring out the window. “Why don’t you–”
Akito cut her off. “My answer hasn’t changed. She’s too important to forget.”
“...More important than anything else in your life?”
“Yes.”
Ena sighed at his answer and continued driving in silence.
❀ ❀ ❀
Ever since Akito was diagnosed with Hanahaki Disease, his physical health has been on a steady decline. It wasn’t very obvious when he first got it, but recently it’s been more clear than ever. During practices, An, Toya, and Kohane have all noticed just how quickly he’d been running out of energy lately, and it worried them. When he used to be running ahead of them, he was now falling behind. An even noticed him zoning out in the middle of singing.
After practice, everyone traded goodbyes then Toya and Kohane went on their way. Akito and An watched as they left the park.
“So, is there a reason you asked me to stay behind?” Akito sat on the bench.
An sat next to him, a little farther than normal. “I’m worried.”
Akito glanced at her with a slight blush. He already knew what she was worried about but he asked anyway, “Worried about what?”
“About you.”
Figures. “What about me?”
“I don’t know how to put it but,” An hesitated, thinking about how to word her concerns. “Something about you is different.”
“If you’re worried about offending me, don’t be. Just say your thoughts out loud.”
“If you say so...” An took a breath before continuing. “You seem, like, weaker than normal. I’m not saying you’re weak or anything..! But recently, you’ve been running out of energy a lot quicker than normal. Even today during our song, you seemed really out of it.”
Akito wasn’t sure how to respond. He didn’t want to brush off her concerns but he didn’t want to tell the truth either. He thought about how to answer for so long that An had to give him a little nudge on the shoulder to bring him back to reality. “Okay, so I haven’t been feeling the best recently. But, don’t worry, it’ll go away soon.”
An looked at him with slight concern. “Are you sure?” Akito just nodded. He didn’t have the heart to give her verbal confirmation to a lie. An stood up and gathered her things. “Alright then, see you tomorrow then?”
Akito did the same. “See you tomorrow, An.”
“Take care, Akito. Bye!” An smiled at him and left the park.
Akito covered his blush and thought to himself, “God, she’s so pretty.”
❀ ❀ ❀
In front of Akito were three pieces of paper and three envelopes. He had just finished writing letters on each paper and was now labeling the envelopes. One he addressed to Toya, the second to Kohane, and the last was for An. Writing goodbye letters for his teammates wasn’t something he thought he’d do, but after thinking it over, he couldn’t just leave them without saying a proper goodbye. Not after everything they’ve been through over the past year. He also couldn’t leave them in the dark about what has been going on with him.
Akito finished his drink and looked at the sealed envelopes again. In all honesty, he was scared to die. He knew it would have to happen one day, but for that day to be so soon? It was terrifying. He was grateful to have already surpassed Rad Weekend, but there were still so many things he wanted to do in life. He wanted to go to college, travel the world, get married, and just live freely. The more he thought about the things he’d never get to experience, the closer he got to crying. It wasn’t like him to cry, but it also wasn’t like him to die so soon. He wiped the tear in his eye just before Kohane walked in the café. He also turned the envelopes over so the names weren’t showing.
Kohane looked around Weekend Garage for a second before spotting Akito. “Shinonome-kun!” she said happily before walking over to him. “What are you doing here already? Practice doesn’t start for another 30 minutes.”
“Hey Kohane,” Akito smiled at her and hoped his eyes weren’t red. “I was just doing some work for class. Nothing too special.”
“Oh, okay! Hopefully it all went well,” she smiled back.
The two sat in silence. It was comfortable at first, but as time passed, it got slightly less comfortable. Akito suspected that Kohane had questions for him regarding his health, but she wasn’t saying anything. Instead, she kept looking out the window, then at his empty cup, back out the window, and at the cup again, all while fidgeting with her sleeves. Akito just kept his eyes on the letters, until he heard Kohane start talking again.
“Um, Shinonome-kun,” Kohane started in a quiet voice.
“Akito.” He interrupted. “We’ve known each other for a while now, you can call me Akito if you want.” He also wanted to hear her say his name at least once before he died.
Kohane looked at him in surprise, then smiled for a moment. “Alright! So, um, Akito-kun, how are you?”
Akito thought about how to answer for a bit. “I think I could be doing better at this very moment, but overall I’m doing good. How about you, Kohane?”
“I think I’m doing good too overall, but I’m pretty worried about something...”
Akito quietly laughed, “Is it me you’re worried about?” Kohane just responded with a sad nod. He stood from his seat and said, “C’mere.”
She followed suit and was pulled into a hug. “A-Akito-kun?!”
“I’m sorry for making you worry. I can’t promise that I’ll be okay, but please don’t be sad because of me.”
Kohane hugged him back. “You don’t have to apologize, Akito-kun. Whatever it is you’re dealing with, I’ll be here for you.”
Akito smiled as a tear fell. “Thank you, Kohane.”
❀ ❀ ❀
Akito stared at his desk. He wasn’t looking at anything in particular, not his notebook nor his pens. He was too busy trying not to vomit in front of his classmates. An noticed his slight agony a few minutes ago, but Akito just brushed her off saying it was nothing. Lying about his disease wasn’t something he liked doing, but it was better than having his friends worry all the time. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold it, but the teacher was talking too much for him to get a chance to ask. Or was he..? Akito wasn’t sure anymore, he already zoned out.
“Akito?” His teacher stopped his rambling and asked him, only to get no response.
An looked over at the teacher and the unresponsive Akito. She waved her hand in front of his eyes, but he was still out. She clapped in his ear and yelled his name instead. Akito snapped out of it and looked around real quick, only to remember why he was zoned out in the first place.
“Are you feeling alright, Akito?” the teacher asked him once again.
Holding in his insides, he mumbled, “Can I go to the restroom, please?”
After the teacher gave him the okay, Akito got out of his seat and calmly walked out the door, closed it, then ran for the restrooms. He heard another staff member yell at him for running, but he paid no mind to them. He was in too much of a rush to check if anyone else was in the restroom before locking himself in a stall and throwing up.
His hands were cold and numb, his legs shaking. This might’ve been one of the worst vomiting spells he’s ever had. When he finally opened his eyes, they were already blurred from his tears. In the toilet, he just saw guilt, shame, and sunflowers. Guilt from not telling anyone, shame from getting sick in the first place, and sunflowers from the aforementioned sickness. As Akito slowly came back to his senses, he could hear someone calling his name. He immediately recognized the voice, and now he dreaded opening the stall door.
“Akito, please open the door,” the voice asked again calmly.
“...No,” Akito responded with a shaky voice.
“Then at least, talk to me through the door, alright?”
Akito couldn’t respond. He didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want him to see this side of him.
“No..? Then I’ll wait here until you’re ready to talk to me, if that’s okay with you,” he said again.
Akito sits on his knees, staring into the mess in the toilet. This was not part of the plan. No one was supposed to know until after he died. As much as he wanted to stay in the stall, the dreadful aftertaste of his own vomit was still lingering on his tongue, and the only way to rinse it out was to open the door. After collecting the rest of his thoughts and flushing the toilet, Akito finally opened the door.
“Akito–” Toya was cut off.
“One second,” Akito walked past Toya and gargled in the sink. When he looked in the mirror and saw his disheveled appearance, he grimaced. Next to Toya’s put together self, he looked like a complete mess. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“How long has this been going on..?” Toya asked him with concern on his face.
Akito stared at the redness around his eyes. “Too long.”
“Will it go away?”
“It can,” he said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “But...” Toya tilted his head, waiting for him to continue. “It won’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want it to. If I get rid of it, I’ll forget about us.” Akito said, making eye contact with Toya through the mirror. “I’ll forget about An,” he thought.
Toya thought about Akito’s response, trying to figure out what he meant by it. “This thing that you have, I may be wrong but, is it Hanahaki?” Akito stayed silent, instead, he just nodded. Toya’s eyes slightly widened. “Then, will you–”
Akito cut him off again. “Please be there for them,” he said as he turned around. “An and Kohane, I mean.”
Toya felt a tear roll down his cheek. “I will.”
Akito saw and frowned. “I’m sorry,” he said as he pulled him into a hug.
Toya hugged him back. “Please, don’t apologize.”
Akito smiled again as his vision got hazy. “Not to ruin the mood or anything, but I think I’m gonna pass out.”
“Let’s get you to the nurse’s office,” Toya said with slight panic.
Toya helped Akito walk to the nurse’s office. Though they had to stop by his classroom first to get his things and explain what happened to the teacher. An overheard and got worried, but she wasn’t able to question either one of them before they left again. The nurse thanked Toya for helping Akito, and she excused him for the rest of the day.
After getting home, Akito got something to eat and just laid in bed for the rest of the day. Thankfully, he never passed out or had to throw up again that day. But he did get an earful from Ena. She told him for the nth time that he should get the surgery to save himself, and he responded back for the nth time that An was too important to forget. Ena eventually gave up and retreated to her room. Though, when she closed her door, Akito heard an extra thud.
Just before going to bed, Akito got a text.
11:12 PM from “An ♡”: hey, can we meet in sekai?
11:12 PM from “An ♡”: not now, but whenever is good for you
11:13 PM from “An ♡”: please? it’s important
He was pretty sure what she was talking about. With everything that had been happening with him lately, there’s no way it wasn’t about it. Still, he agreed.
11:16 PM from “akito!!”: sure
❀ ❀ ❀
Akito arrived in Street Sekai and saw An sitting at one of the tables at the Crase Cafe. He couldn’t see Meiko around, or any of the virtual singers for that matter. Whether they had an off day, or An told them about their meeting, he didn’t mind. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for whatever An wanted to talk about, then made his way over to her.
Everything was normal. The two talked about Vivid Street, about their mediocre grades, their partners, and anything else that came to mind. They cracked jokes and laughed with the brightest smiles on their faces. But something still felt off. Despite the genuine smiles on their faces, neither of them could shake the uneasy feeling.
Calming down from her laugh, An spoke, “Hey, Akito.”
“What’s up, An?” Akito responded, still smiling from her terrible joke.
“I’ve been watching you over the past, what? Week and a half? Since our last conversation,” An looked in Akito’s general direction, then directly at him. “You’re not actually getting better, are you?”
Akito wasn’t surprised by her observation. He had been getting worse at hiding his disease over the months, so one of his friends finding out was inevitable. Hell, even Toya already knew. He couldn’t lie to her anymore. Akito dropped his smile, looked at An directly, and embraced his truth, “No, I’m not.”
“So, what’s going on? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Akito was about to answer, then he hesitated. “One second,” he said before leaving Sekai and leaving An very confused. He came back only half a minute later with a letter in hand. He gave her the letter and asked her to read it.
“Dear An,
I want to start this off with ‘I’m sorry.’ I’m sorry for lying to you that one time after practice, when I said I would get better. I’m sorry for what I’m about to reveal in this letter. And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. The truth about me is that I have Hanahaki Disease, and I’ve had it ever since I fell in love with you in middle school. For the past four, almost five years, you have been the light of my life. You were the reason I even got out of bed most days. Seeing you at school, both in middle and high school, always put me at ease. For the first two years, I absolutely hated having to live with the disease, the thought of something growing inside of me was terrifying. The knowledge that it would kill me one day scared me. Sometimes, I even wanted to kill myself just to get rid of the pain. But then I remembered that the disease could go away on its own, so I waited. I waited for the day my disease would suddenly subside and finally go away, but that day never came. I don’t blame you though, this is me we’re talking about. Sure, there was always the option of getting surgery to get rid of the seed that took root inside my lungs, but getting surgery would mean forgetting you. Never once did I think forgetting you would be better than living. You’re too important to forget. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for everything.
- Akito
P.S. Please don’t feel as if my death was your fault. Trust in me when I say that this was my idea, and mine alone.”
An didn’t know how to react. It was too much to take in. She figured something was going on with him health wise, but a terminal illness? Hanahaki of all things? He had feelings for her ever since middle school? She had no idea she could be so blind. She’s never felt so useless, so ignorant. Worst of all, he was going to die, and she couldn’t do anything to help him.
Akito noticed her speechlessness and moved over to her side of the table. After a moment of contemplation, he hugged her. The sudden gesture broguht An to tears. She leaned into his embrace and just cried.
An looked up at him through her tears and asked, “You’re not really going to die, right? You can still get the surgery, can’t you?”
Akito wiped her tears and started to cry himself. “I made my decision a long time ago, An. I want to die with you in my heart. I can’t do that if I forget about you.”
An continued to cry in his arms. “If... If you’re not getting the surgery, and you’re set on dying, then this is the least I can give you.”
Before Akito could even respond, he felt An’s lips on his. His eyes widened for a moment before closing. He kissed her back gently and held her tighter than before. She smelled like flowers and tasted like ice cream. He wanted to savor this sensation for the rest of his life. Her hands felt soft on his skin when she cupped his cheek and pulled him in closer. Akito’s heart was racing in the best way possible. He wished he could stay here forever, in this Sekai with the girl he loved in his arms. Unfortunately for him, all things must end.
An pulled away from the kiss while Akito subconsciously leaned in for more. Though, he caught himself and just rested his head on her shoulder.
She combed her fingers through his hair as she said, “I’m sorry I can’t give you more. I’m sorry I can’t save you.”
“Please, don’t apologize. You’ve already given me so much more than I ever could’ve imagined,” Akito said into her shoulder.
“But, it was only a kiss... I’m not saying a kiss isn’t a lot! But, compared to dating and marriage, it’s pretty... you know, tame.”
Akito turned his head to look at her. “I mean everything up until now. The kiss was amazing, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve shared so many other special moments together too. All our laughs in school, forming Vivid Bad Squad, everything we’ve done as a group, and surpassing Rad Weekend. None of these things would’ve happened if not for you.”
She hadn’t considered that, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She smiled. “Is that so?”
He hugged her once more. “An, you are the light of my life. So please, indulge me, at least for a little longer. While I can still hold you like this.”
An kissed the top of his head and smiled once more. “Of course. I’ll be here for you, Akito.”
❀ ❀ ❀
Akito’s room smelled like sunflowers. Sunflowers and blood. Akito had been coughing up petals and blood for the better half of the day. He had to stay home from school again, too. The more he coughed and vomited, the colder his skin got. Anything he ate, his stomach would reject. He’s had bad spells before, but this was worse than anything he’s ever been through. As the day went by, breathing became harder for him as well. “So, this is what death feels like,” he thought.
It was well past dinnertime, and Akito has been suffering since before breakfast. He had no idea how much longer he had, but some part of him just wanted it to be over. All he could feel was pain. Despite his agony, he could still hear the knock on his door.
“Akito, can I come in?” Ena asked from behind the door, slightly muffled.
He didn’t even have the strength to talk anymore. “Y-yeah,” he said between a cough.
She opened the door and scrunched her face slightly because of the smell. “I got you some water,” she said, placing the glass with a straw on the table next to his bed.
Akito just nodded in appreciation.
“So, um. Is there anything I can do for you? Either now or... after you..?” She couldn’t finish her sentence. It was too painful to even think about.
Akito looked over to the letters on one of the shelves and nodded in its direction.
Ena walked over to the shelf and read the envelopes. One was addressed to Toya, and another to Kohane. “Do you want me to give these to them?”
“Yes,” Akito nodded and coughed again. “An already has hers.”
“Okay, I’ll take these with me then.” Ena tried to hide her sadness. “Hey, Akito?”
He looked over at her and waited for her to continue.
“I just want to say, thank you for being my brother,” Ena started to tear up, and so did Akito. “Even with how I’ve always treated you, I wouldn’t trade you with anyone else. I’m going to miss you.”
Ena smiled at him for the last time then left his room, only to sit against the door and cry. She didn’t have the courage to be in the room when he died, but she didn’t want to leave him alone either. Akito cried as well. Hearing his sister say those words, especially after how she always treated him, it made him happy. Though, not as happy as someone else made him.
Akito grabbed his phone with what little strength he had left and typed a message to An. Considering how late it was, he wasn’t sure if she would see it tonight, but that was okay. He already knew what her response would be.
12:27 AM from “akito!!”: i love you an
After everything he’s been through up until this point, he was happy with these being his very last words.
❀ ❀ ❀
Ena was on her way to one of the places where Akito’s group usually hung out. She didn’t really remember many of those places, but she did know that they spend a lot of time at the park, so she went there. She wanted this walk to be calming, to take her mind off of everything that happened, but it wasn’t working. It was most likely because she was only on this walk on behalf of Akito, but she still wanted to believe it would soothe her. The letters in her hand weren’t helping either.
When she arrived at the park, the three of them were already there, although, something felt off. An and Toya looked uneasy, and Kohane looked confused and scared. In the midst of looking between An and Toya in confusion and panic, Kohane spotted Ena from across the street.
“Ena-san? What are you doing here?” Kohane called out to her. When the others heard the name, they immediately snapped their heads in her direction.
Ena walked over to the three with a solemn expression. “Um, hi. I’m just here to...” she couldn’t finish her sentence. Instead, she gave one of the letters to Kohane, and the other to Toya, who still hasn’t said anything.
An looked over at Kohane’s letter and recognized the handwriting as Akito’s. Her heart dropped. Akito not being here, his message from last night, and now Ena coming here with letters? She couldn’t stop herself from tearing up. She knew exactly what Ena was here to tell them, yet she didn’t want to believe it. Just a few days ago, they were laughing and smiling, but now...
Despite knowing Akito was going to die at some point, Toya still couldn’t hold back his tears. “So, Akito is...”
All Ena could do was nod. The three singers broke into tears. They hugged and comforted each other as they cried. Ena stood there and cried as well. After a few minutes, An pulled out of the group hug and got her phone out.
“Ena-san, I want to show you something,” An said as she opened her messages.
Ena wiped her tears and sniffled a little. “What is it?”
An showed her the message from Akito. “Akito... He sent this to me last night. I just thought I’d show you, just in case it was his...” She hesitated. ”His last words.”
Ena read the text, then the timestamp next to it. “He sent that after I had already left his room. He loved you more than anything in this world, it makes sense for him to say his last words to you,” she said with a bittersweet tone.
The four of them continued to talk about Akito, remembering all the time they spent with him. They laughed, they cried, and they smiled. A good amount of time passed before Ena realized she had to go back home. She wished the three well, told them that they could always come to her for anything regarding Akito, then went on her way.
Just as soon as Ena left their view, An saw Miku pop out of her phone. She said that something in Sekai had changed, and that they had to come right away. So they did. When they got there, they were met with a breathtaking sight. The corners of every part of Sekai were lined with sunflowers. There were sunflowers on the sidewalk, the tables, the counter, they were even lined on the Crase Cafe overhang. The sunflowers were absolutely everywhere. None of the virtual singers knew why they were there, though the three of them knew.
An was surprised to see sunflowers, though. They were her favorite flower, so why would they show up after Akito’s death? Unless, it was because they were her favorite that they showed up now.
Len noticed Akito was missing, and he asked where he was. Instead of answering, Toya just told him that they’ll explain another time. For now, the three just took in the sight. They had no idea when this would go away, so they wanted to bask in it for as long as possible. Things were going to be different without Akito, and they knew they had to move forward at some point. But right now, they wanted to stay here, where his presence was still within their grasp.