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“Bye, Kuya Ken!”
I waved my little sister good bye as she happily saw me off, with snot stains on her face from a half-hour of crying because she didn’t want me to leave.
I glanced at my watch: the numbers 7:30 blinked in neon.
Shoot, I’m late!
After running a few blocks, I saw him. My childhood friend, Josh, stood straight as a ruler at the bus stop where we agreed to meet. His school uniform is as pristine as always, brown eyes blocked from my view with his eyeglasses and his arms tightly crossed on his chest. His body language screams upset, and understandably so.
“Ah! Josh, I’m so sorry!” I shouted before running up to him and holding my knees while bowing.
“…You’re five minutes late.”
I looked up to find him staring not at me, but on…my knees? He took small steps in place before turning around and walked away.
“Aw come on. I’m sorry, okay? My little sister cried on my way out,” I explained while catching up to him. Trying my luck, I leaned a bit forward with a little eye flutter.
“Fine. I’ll forgive you since it’s Katie.”
Heh. Success.
A bit of silence passed as we walked side by side. I know he’s thinking of our Math exam in a few hours, but I have something in mind that begged for an answer.
“By the way, Josh. Didn’t another girl confess to you yesterday?”
As expected, he stopped on his tracks. He tried to give a passive look, but that faint eyebrow raise was such a giveaway. “Uhm, yeah I guess. How did you know that?”
I took out my phone and showed him the message. “Her friend DM-ed me.”
From: Lexie
Message:
Hey, Ken. You know, Apple confessed to Josh yesterday, but he dumped her. :< It’s draining me to listen to herrrr~ can you meet me later? I need someone to talk to. :(
Josh kept quiet while handing me back my phone.
“I was shocked at first, but I guess I shouldn’t have been,” I continued the conversation. “Wasn’t she that pretty senior who was scouted by a band? Why’d you reject her?”
He closed his eyes and kept walking. “I don’t know why you care, but I don’t have any particular reason. Just not interested.”
“Huh. Not interested in her or not interested at all?” I paused, bracing myself for what I was about to ask. “Come to think of it, I never found out about your type. Do you have one I know of? Maybe someone from school?”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Josh freeze a bit beside me. But of course, he acted like nothing happened. “…No, I don’t have one.”
“You’re pretty boring for someone so popular.”
Boring, my ass.
“Hey Josh,” I said before stopping in front of Josh and reaching out to touch his cheek. “You got a stain—“
“A-Ah!?”
He blushed and flinched so hard that I thought he was about to run away, so I froze and laughed it off. “Sorry, sorry! I must have been seeing things. I really could have sworn…”
Josh pouted, his cheeks puffed and eyebrows scrunched so neatly. “What’s with you...I washed my face before I left…” he murmured as he continued walking, while I smiled at his squishable expression and kept at his pace.
—
I know Josh likes me.
I’ve always known that he liked me, but I’ve also always pretended not to know or even notice. It’s going to sound mean and unfair, but the reason I never said anything is…
He’s too cute!
What is it about him that I found too adorable? Maybe it’s the way he looks so flustered when I tease him or make any flirtatious moves yet thinks he hasn’t been found out, or the way he blushes so hard when our friends tease us together. Maybe it’s when he gently turns down all the girls who asked him out, causing more to confess to him—it’s a never-ending cycle and he doesn’t even think of it because he’s too absorbed in hiding his feelings for me…
And I’m just enjoying the ride with him.
Looking back, it was probably three months ago when it started becoming like this.
Josh and I have always been together and neither of us ever had a girlfriend—but I had just a little bit more experience with hanging out with girls—so our friends teased that we were, in fact, dating.
“Well yeah, we are. Isn’t that right, Josh?” I proclaimed as I kissed his temple. Naturally, he froze up beside my seat in class.
“Oh wow, that was a real kiss, dude,” Mavi said before returning his attention to his comic book. I laughed the comment off before tapping Josh’s shoulder in apology.
Since then, he’s become hyperaware of and overreactive to my advances, and to be honest, I got—and still get—flustered around him too.
—
Then again, Josh isn’t the type to confess first, so I need to get on with it soon. After all, we are gonna be seniors soon.
“Hey.” I snapped out of my reverie from his voice. “The upcoming finals…have you studied for it yet?”
I shook my head. “Hell nah, you know I’m bad at studying. Will you please help me again, oh great top student Mr. Josh Cullen?”
Of course, I knew the answer right away.
“You’re hopeless. Fine, guess I have no choice.”
—
“Correct.”
“Oh wow, I finally got it right!”
We ended up studying in his room after class, mostly because his room is neater and more suited for studying than mine. Being the bookworm that he is, his room has a tall shelf of properly sorted books situated on the corner by the window. The study table was clean and wide enough to accommodate two people and a small tray of snacks and drinks. He also had an old CD player humming in the background. “It’s to help stimulate your brain cells,” he said while gently hitting my head with a notebook.
Despite his insistence to study at my place, I insisted this harder. Frankly, if this is my opportunity to confess, I want to make sure I do it right and where he feels comfortable.
And so that he is less likely to run away, you know?
“I expect nothing less from you, Josh. You would make an amazing teacher,” I said incredulously as I stared at my own notes. How can these be so foreign to me a few minutes ago?
He’s wonderful. Cute, handsome, sweet, popular with the girls...
I didn’t realize I had said it out loud until I heard a groan. When I looked up, Josh was flipping the pages of the book on his hand. He was blushing. “Ugh, you don’t have to flatter me all the time. Now, move to the next question. Okay, so this one…”
My eyes followed Josh’s hand as he started writing on my notebook, proceeding as if nothing happened. The next thing I knew, I was holding his hand.
“Your hands are small and pretty,” I said as I intertwined his fingers with mine.
I heard a hitched breath. Was it his or mine?
“Wa-wait, Ken. What are you doing…?”
Josh’s beautiful brown eyes stared back at me in shock. His cheeks were bright pink and mouth trembling, but he didn’t snatch his trembling hand away from my grip or worse, left the room this very second.
What if he asked about studying because he wanted to spend some time with me? Is he going to confess?
He likes me that much, huh.
I took a deep breath.
“Josh, you know, I—“ My words got caught in my throat when a soft pair of lips prevented me from speaking.
The kiss was soft but firm, and I didn’t even have the time or energy to close my eyes. But it felt real: the hand at the back of my neck, the skin of his nose fitting in the hollows of my face like a puzzle, these lips that pressed with gentleness and want, leaving me breathless and craving for more.
But it was immediately gone.
Eh?
“Wha…what are you…Josh??”
“I’ve had enough,” he muttered as he sat back on his seat and looked at me with a stern yet flushed expression. “You’ve been enjoying my reactions all this time, haven’t you? You big jerk.”
“Uhm, I’m sorry—wait, huh?”
Josh rolled his eyes.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?! You’re so painfully obvious, idiot!”
We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.
“So?” Josh asked.
“So…what?”
He groaned loudly and adjusted his seat so his knees were pressed to his chest. “What do you think of me, Ken?”
Huh?
“Do you like me, Ken? Or don’t you?”
I felt his anxiety as I tried to process whatever has happened just now. The answer was also painfully obvious, no?
“I do! Of course, I like you!” I tried to say as earnestly as I could.
Please know I’m not joking. Not this time.
Josh hummed. “Then…” he paused before looking back at me and took both my hands in his, with a faint blush on his cheeks and eyes flitted up at me.
“Will you go out with me…?”
Badum.
“Ah, geez!” I groaned and took him fiercely into a hug. “You’re so unfair! I was supposed to ask you first!”
I felt Josh relax in my arms before wrapping his arms around me. “Wait, what are you talking about? Is that your ‘yes’?”
Seriously, what’s with this guy! I want to push him down now argh!