Chapter Text
Catelyn was sitting next to the opened window, staring into the moonless night as little Robb was sleeping inside her arms. It must already be quite late, yet she did not wish to return to her chambers. The flowing sound of the river soothed her heart – and so did Robb’s quiet breathing.
She looked at him then. He seemed peaceful – and Catelyn dearly wished to join him in his sleep. Her eyes were already quite heavy, but she still did not move. There was no feeling that compared to holding her son inside her arms. He gave her hope; gave her love. She tried carrying him inside her arms whenever she could, as she wished to relish every moment with him. Who knew what the next day might bring – what terrible news might reach her.
And his innocent face and loving eyes calmed her heart enough, so that temporarily, there was no room for fear. The very moment she would enter her deserted bedroom, however, she knew the fear would grab her heart again.
Unwillingly, her mind wandered to her husband. She did fear for him. Perhaps not as much as for her father and uncle, but she worried nonetheless. For the most part, she feared what might happen should they all lose. But she also feared the future in front of her, should her husband not return alive.
She might be the Lady of Winterfell by name, but nothing more. Her son might be the heir, yet he was still an infant – and with a foreigner as his mother, those Northerners might not wish to call him their liege lord. If her husband had any bastard sons – or even if Brandon did – they might prefer those over the trueborn heir.
Catelyn sighed. Those were pointless thoughts to have, but it nonetheless worried her. And in some absurd way, thinking about this kept her head clear – kept her mind occupied, not allowing room for other fears to appear.
Because, in the end, she had to admit that she feared for Lord Stark out of sheer fondness as well. He was a quite reserved man and Catelyn did not truly know what to think of him. But she had seen kindness in his eyes; had heard tenderness in his voice. He was a good man, she was certain of that. At least, it was what her heart told her. And a good man did not deserve to die young – he deserved to meet the son they had both made.
A yawn escaped her mouth then and Catelyn realised that she needed to go to bed now, if she did not want to risk falling asleep next to an open window, possibly catching a cold. Therefore, she stood up – quietly and carefully, so to not wake her son – and went on her way to the nursery. Reluctantly, she handed Robb over to the wetnurse before she left for her bedchambers.
Yet despite her tiredness, sleep did not come. She had been so certain that she would fall asleep immediately, no worries clouding her mind. But as she was lying inside the dark bedroom, her heart was heavy and her mind racing. And for some reason, her bedchamber felt incredibly lonely tonight.
Loneliness had never been a problem for her before. She did enjoy spending time with herself. And whenever she longed for company, there were usually people around her that she could seek out. But Riverrun was quite empty now. And somehow, her mind wandered back to that time several months ago when for once, she had not been alone inside her bedchambers.
Catelyn had been terrified before her wedding night – although, she had never admitted that to anyone; had accepted it with all the bravery she could have mustered. But she had nonetheless felt frightened, especially after marrying such a solemn stranger. She could still remember that fear – standing there with her clothes ripped apart, alone with Lord Stark.
Yet at some point, the fear had started to fade. Because that solemn stranger had been kind and caring – gentle, even. She had felt comfortable with him and it had not been as terrifying as she had thought it would be.
It had been quite awkward afterwards, however. She had tried talking to him, but he was not the most talkative person and the words had not come easy to her that night either. Therefore, they had remained in silence and Catelyn had been unsure whether to fall asleep or simply wait until the sun rose again.
At some point, Ned had asked her whether she was still awake – to which Catelyn had merely replied that she felt rather cold, not wishing to share her feelings with him. And at that, he had carefully put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to his body to warm her. Surprised at first, Catelyn had soon felt her own body ease - gladly accepting his comfort, letting her head rest on his bare chest. Soon after, she had fallen into a dreamless sleep.
Now, months later, there was a sudden desire inside her heart – the desire for him to lie next to her again; to feel his warm body pressed against hers. Not to make another son, but simply to relish his embrace, so she could fall asleep peacefully.
Yet he was not here. And his absence was part of the reason why her heart felt so heavy.
Catelyn sighed. He might not be here, but perhaps the thought of that night could still grant her some comfort. She turned to her side then, closing her eyes as her mind travelled back to that moment. And as she imagined him holding her body, she finally fell asleep.
*
Voices were shouting; metal was clashing; horses were groaning – and Ned was lying alone inside the tent, desperately trying to find sleep. Who knew how long that sleep might last?
Though, the moment he moved to his side, a piercing pain reminded him of the wound near his ribs. He rolled back onto his back then, taking a deep breath until the pain faded again. He would be the very last person they would wake either way. While he was still in a condition to fight, his health was by far more profitable to everyone than his swordsmanship.
Thankfully, he was finally allowed some quiet to rest, now that Robert had left him alone. His friend had been looking after him, asking whether he believed himself well enough for the company of a lady or two. Ned doubted that the women he had been talking about were ladies – though, they still deserved respect. And them keeping him company for a couple coins would certainly not help Ned feel better in any way. Robert had nonetheless tried to persuade him, but eventually, he had to give in, shaking his head as he had muttered something about “futile” and “honour”.
But as Ned was lying alone in the dark, he had to admit that he could use some solace – genuine solace.
He closed his eyes then, hoping that a dream might grant him exactly that. He was expecting to see Ashara appear in his mind – usually, it was her beauty keeping him company. Yet for some reason, it was a different face he saw.
A sweet smile with bright eyes; soft skin framed by thick layers of auburn hair; gentle fingers brushing across his cheek; a hesitant chuckle ringing in his ears.
Ned opened his eyes again, taking a deep breath. He did not know why Catelyn had suddenly appeared inside his mind. It was not a bad thing, of course. He should be dreaming about his wife. Yet he rarely ever thought about her – at least not in this matter. For the most part, he worried about her – about her safety and well-being, hoping she would not become a young window. And, of course, he had been overjoyed when the news of their son had reached him. Yet Catelyn had never intruded his dreams before.
Though, as he was lying there alone, he could hardly call her an intruder. The thought of her did ease his heart, in some strange way.
Perhaps it was not too odd. She was very beautiful, after all. And he had enjoyed their conversations – although he knew quite well that he had not been as talkative and open as she might have wished him to be. Yet she had never seemed intimidated by it. She was smart and dutiful. And courageous.
He still remembered their wedding night quite well. The worry and fear had been clear on her face, and he had been prepared for it. After all, he was not what she had expected; not the man she had wished to marry. Had she decided to postpone their wedding night, he would have accepted her choice without hesitation. Yet she had not.
In truth, he had been scared as well – scared that she would fear him; scared that she would be uncomfortable with him; scared that she would cry. But somehow, his hesitant behaviour had allowed her to feel comfortable – and in return, her response had allowed him to feel the same.
He had enjoyed the time they had spend together. And, in his own selfish way, he had enjoyed that first night with her as well. Though, it was the part after she had fallen asleep that he cherished the most. When she had let her head rest on his chest, he had felt her body ease – and the realisation that she had fallen asleep inside his arm, peacefully and quietly, had filled his heart with an indescribably warmth. He had not felt such sheer peace ever since – and right now, he could use exactly that feeling of contentment.
So with the memory of Catelyn on his mind, Ned closed his eyes again, slowly falling asleep.